Marvel's Guardians Of The Galaxy (2015) s03e03 Episode Script

Drive My Carnage

[THANOS GROWLING.]
[MAN SHOUTING.]
[ROARS.]
[GRUNTING.]
He's too tough.
Nothing is working! Then we'll have to take down Wrinkles the old-fashioned way! Preferably before that symbiote turns him into an out-of-control force of pure evil.
Thanos is already a force of pure evil.
But we can use the out-of-control part to our advantage.
You think I would bond with another being and leave myself vulnerable to its flaws? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
Uhh [GRUNTING.]
You so-called Guardians only delay your inevitable destruction.
So, uh, you know this guy? He's my father.
Well, hopefully, you take after your mom.
[GRUNTS.]
The only destruction this day will be yours, Thanos! [GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
This symbiote is merely a shell a tool that I control completely.
You fools thought you could bury me [ALL STRAINING.]
at the center of this primitive planet?! I have waited a long time to pay you back in kind.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
[EMERGENCY VEHICLE HORN BLARING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Thanos will have his revenge! Look, I didn't have anything to do with burying you at the center of the Earth.
In fact, [GRUNTS.]
I just met these guys! So I'll be going Aah! Your endless prattle bores me, child.
[GRUNTS.]
But your high-pitched squeals of pain amuse me, [ALL GRUNTING.]
so feel free to continue them.
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, they're not that high-pitched! [YELLS.]
I used to think the same thing about mine too.
[TODDLER GROOT.]
I am Groot! Huh? What? [GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[TRAIN HORN BLARING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[HORN CONTINUES BLARING.]
Took ya long enough.
I am Groot! [THUNDEROUS GROWLING.]
[THUDDING.]
Oh, come on! That worked the last time! [ROARS.]
[GUARDIANS, SPIDER-MAN YELL.]
[THUNDEROUS BOOM.]
[BYSTANDERS GASP, EXCLAIM.]
I could finish you now, but it will be far more satisfying to enslave you.
I will turn this entire city into a symbiote army that I control.
Should you survive, you will have the honor of joining them.
Not bad for a shrub.
[LAUGHS.]
I am Groot.
Thanos mentioned a symbiote army.
Those must be the ones he weaponized on Groot's home planet.
Then he's out of luck, 'cause we blew 'em all up.
Maybe not all of them.
V-252, the symbiote I bonded with it's still in a lab at my high school.
Um, please tell me "high school" is an Earth term for "heavily reinforced, absolutely-impossible-to-break-in- or-out-of maximum security vault.
" [GRUNTS.]
Tell him now, scrawny human! He means it's just a normal school.
And science projects got way more elaborate since I was a kid.
[SPIDER-MAN.]
You're right about the second part.
But Horizon High is anything but a normal school.
[BYSTANDERS CLAMORING.]
And, judging by that path of destruction, your friend is heading straight for the place.
Thanos must be able to use his symbiote to sense the one in your school.
Then it's up to us to make sure he doesn't get his slimy red tendrils on it.
You guys catch up to Thanos and do whatever you can to slow him down while we grab the U2 sample.
That's "V-252.
" How's that better than what I said? [BYSTANDERS CLAMORING.]
[THANOS GRUNTING.]
[EVIL LAUGHTER.]
[CAR ALARMS BLARING.]
[ROCKET.]
Laser cannons locked and loaded.
You know, where I come from, blowing a hole in a school rooftop isn't considered very heroic.
Yeah, well, we ain't heroes, kid.
We're outlaws.
Besides, we're in kind of a hurry, and blowing things up is faster.
Faster than walking in the front door? Okay, well, now at least two of us blend.
[ANNOYED GRUNT.]
[PARKER.]
Guys, chill.
It's Saturday.
Most of the students will be out doing fun stuff.
[ROCKET "Fun stuff"? Ah, you know.
Collecting spore samples, launching model rockets, measuring ozone levels in the atmosphere [LAUGHING.]
You go to nerd school.
Oh, yeah? Where did you go to school? Yondu Undonta's Ravager Academy of Space Pirate Stuff.
- Can you even read? - Ha! Barely.
[SHOE SCREECHES.]
Well, my school is so respected that the Space Administration donated the V-252 sample they found for us to study.
Wait.
They found it in this solar system? Huh.
It must've really wanted to escape Thanos.
It's an outlaw, just like us.
Nearly turned me into an outlaw when it bonded with me.
I went out of control, and I swore I'd never be infected by that rage again.
What rage was that, Peter? Max?! Oh, uh, thi-this is my, uh, c-cousin P-Peter.
It's funny.
We're both named Peter.
A-A-And And this is He's from the circus! - Uh, he's a trained performing ra - Call me "raccoon.
" Go ahead.
I dare ya.
He's a prototype audio animatronic.
Wow.
The fur is so lifelike.
[ROCKET.]
I'll show ya lifelike! [WEAPON FIRES.]
[YELLS.]
Max! [GROANS.]
[ROCKET.]
What? I had it on stun.
Wanna see? - No! - We believe you! If we wanna slow Thanos down, we'll need to speed ourselves up.
[OFFICERS YELL.]
[GROWLING.]
[ROARS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS, GROANS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
Your persistence is beginning to annoy m Huh? I am Groot.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Insolent twig! [GRUNTS.]
[COUGHING.]
I am Groot [GROWLS, GRUNTS.]
What's up, V-252? Miss me? What's setting off slimy? Probably the same thing that's setting off my spider sense.
Your spi Seriously? That's a thing? What are you sensing, houseflies? [CHUCKLING.]
Not exactly.
[CLINKING.]
[GASPS.]
Down! [GRUNTS.]
[ROARS, LAUGHS.]
Aw, come on! Does no one from space know how to use a door? [GROWLING.]
Oh, man.
Whatever you do, keep the symbiote away from Thanos.
Uh, yeah, about that [CHITTERING.]
Come to Thanos.
All right, slimy.
No bonding with the enemy! I think it wants to bond with me.
[ALL GRUNT.]
Return to your master.
Ah-ah.
Finders keepers! Wait! [GRUNTS.]
Aah! [GROANING.]
[ROARING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Aaahhh! [EXHALES.]
All right, space dude.
Let's rumble! Symbiote to symbiote.
[THUNDEROUS ROAR.]
Aaahh! [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
Guess only one of us got increased speed.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
How about strength? [GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Such power from a mere Terran? I'm no mere Terran.
I'm your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.
[GRUNTS.]
Only now I'm not so friendly.
You will be.
To me.
[GRUNTS.]
What are you doing? It's impossible.
No! - [STRAINING.]
- Your will is strong, child, but the symbiote you bond with cannot resist the will of Thanos.
[GRUNTS.]
What? Looks like we'll have to do the resisting for ya, kid.
[DRAX AND GAMORA YELL.]
[GRUNTS.]
What will it take to destroy you, Thanos? Something more than that hatchet.
I am Groot! That ain't what he had in mind! His symbiote's volumetric mass density must be over 20,000 kilograms per cubic meter! No idea what that means, but I still got one more trick left.
What have you done to my symbiote? - Quill, you're a genius.
- I am? Your walking houseplant's sap created a chemical reaction that turned Thanos' symbiote into a magnetorheological fluid.
No idea what that means, either, but it'd be an awesome band name.
[SIGHS.]
It gets thicker when subject to an electromagnetic field Created by lightning.
Space Pirate Education for the win! [THANOS.]
You cannot defeat Thanos! I will raise a mighty army and rain down carnage on all who oppo 'Fraid I'm gonna have to stop that carnage plan [BLOWS.]
cold.
Not so much "stop" as "pause.
" That ice won't hold him long.
But with the right amount of zap 'n sap, we could turn Thanos' symbiote rock solid.
Sure, but we still have to find a way to deliver the catalyst so the reaction's inside the symbiote.
[TOGETHER.]
To the lab! Now, we need to find the right voltage to produce a viscoelastic solid.
Assuming this primitive Earth tech can even count to ten, let alone calculate fluid yield stress.
I'd be less concerned about my equipment and more concerned about controlling your friend.
[CLATTERING.]
What? [GROWLS.]
I am Groot.
Yeah, I'd be more concerned about Drax and Gamora controlling that crowd.
Move along.
Nothing to see here.
[BYSTANDERS CHATTERING.]
[DRAX.]
Actually, there is a great deal to see here, but we would prefer it if you left the area.
Okay, try another 30 [GRUNTS.]
no, 40,000 volts.
Wait.
Is it volts or amps? [YELLS.]
[YELLING.]
What's the matter, kid? The grease stain takin' over? [GRUNTS.]
I know what it feels like when my symbiote asserts itself.
[GRUNTS.]
No.
This is different.
I don't feel anything.
[GROANS.]
I take it back! I feel something.
I feel like someone else is controlling this symbiote! Huh? [ICE CRACKLING.]
That's not a good sound.
Yes.
Return to your master.
[GRUNTS, YELLS.]
Hey, hey, what do you think you're doing, kid? It's not me, I swear! [YELLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Guys, look out! [THANOS GROWLING.]
Why do you attack us? He's not.
I am.
I'm really sorry about this! [BOTH STRAINING.]
[CRYING OUT.]
[ROARS.]
Not a good look for you.
On the plus side, the scrawny little guy's finally filling out.
Filling out, indeed.
Into a symbiote bomb that will infect this entire city.
An unstoppable army all at my control! [GROANING.]
[BEEPING.]
[BEEPING.]
Yo, bug boy! Whatever goop bomb you're weaving, cut it out now! [STRAINING.]
I'm trying! [ROARS.]
And failing.
Your symbiote is my puppet to control.
Then we need to take down the puppet master.
But first we must take down Thanos! That's what he meant.
[GRUNTS.]
Never mind.
[GRUNTING.]
Your efforts are futile.
Thanos will have his symbiote army.
[ROARING.]
[ROARING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Not if I can stop it! [GROWLING.]
All right, kid.
Time for a costume change.
[ROARS.]
[GROANS.]
I don't get it.
The sonic blast should rip the symbiote right off me.
Unless Thanos increased its density when he infected it.
[ROARS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
[BEEPING.]
[THUDDING.]
[GASPS.]
[SNARLS.]
[PEOPLE GASP, YELL.]
[STRAINING.]
There's no getting this thing off me.
[YELLS.]
You'll have to blast me into space where I can't hurt anyone.
I won't let you go "boom," kid.
And nobody likes a good "boom" more than me.
[BEEPING.]
I'd rather sacrifice myself than let innocent people get hurt.
Pretty noble for a punk kid.
My Uncle Ben once told me, "With great power comes great responsibility.
" That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! [SNARLS.]
[YELLING.]
Nobody disrespects my Uncle Ben! Especially not some mangy rodent! [YELLING.]
Oh, yeah? Well, nobody calls me "rodent"! [ROCKET GRUNTING, YELLING.]
[GRUNTS.]
See? That's you calling the shots, not Thanos.
Keep it up, kid! [GRUNTS, CHUCKLES.]
You're not as dumb as you look.
Oh, man! Seriously? [ROARS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GROWLING.]
Come on! You're not gonna win this by being a hero.
You've gotta be an outlaw.
Now get mad! [GRUNTING.]
What is the delay? My bomb should've detonated by now.
I am Groot! No good.
That trick won't work without the kid's symbiote tendrils.
Did somebody say, "Symbiote tendrils"? [GRUNTS.]
Show him what you got, kid.
[BEEPING.]
[ROARS.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[ROARS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[YELLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
You will obey your master! [GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
What? [GRUNTS.]
[YELLS.]
[GROWLING.]
Not to sound five, but you're not the boss of me, or my symbiote! Now let's finish him.
- Care to do the honors, sapling? - I am Groot! [STRAINING.]
[THANOS.]
Pathetic.
You lack the will to wield such power.
But Thanos will mold you and your species into something far greater.
[BEEPING.]
Something that will serve my will.
All right, suit.
All you've done so far is run away.
Time to be a hero and an outlaw! [GRUNTS, CRIES OUT.]
Now, Quill! [CRYING OUT.]
[CRYING OUT.]
[BOTH CONTINUE CRYING OUT.]
[GRUNTS.]
Insolent child! Huh? [GRUNTING.]
No! You and your entire planet shall pay for this humiliation! [GRUNTS.]
Whoa! [YELLS, GRUNTS.]
Oh-ho-ho, the humiliation has just begun.
All who defy Thanos will suffer as none have suffered.
Your punishment shall be swift and [MUFFLED GRUNTING.]
You're welcome.
Hey, that's my line.
We owe you a debt of gratitude, Terran.
Thanks to you, Thanos will finally face justice.
You are surprisingly heroic for one so scrawny and puny.
Thanks.
I think.
And speaking of scrawny and puny [GROWLS.]
Aah! I'm gonna let that one slide, kid.
But only 'cause I don't completely and totally hate you.
[SNICKERING.]
I am Groot.
[GROOT CHUCKLES.]
Huh.
Wonder what was so funny.
Ugh! Seriously? My web shooter? [ROCKET CHUCKLES.]
The only thing better than duct tape is this spider gunk.
Once I reverse engineer this thing, we'll be rolling in units! Oh, stupid Earth tech!
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