Nurse Jackie s03e03 Episode Script

You're out of the woods, you're out of the dark you're out of the night step into the sun, step into the light then open your eyes and let them open open You're up early.
Wow, waffles? I made you a couple of sandwiches from the chicken last night.
They're in the fridge if you want 'em.
Nice.
You're drinking tea? Yeah, taking a break from coffee.
Makes me buzzy.
Good.
That's good.
Keep an eye on the bacon, I'm gonna wake up the girls.
Aunt Tunie and the pilot broke up.
So he breaks up with me while I'm still at work.
- What a fucking butt knuckle.
- Tunie.
Frickin' sorry, Kevin, but it's an emotional story.
- What's a butt knuckle? - I couldn't tell ya, honey.
It's a pilot, Fi.
I will kill you if you ever date a pilot.
Are you gonna start crying again? So he breaks up with me via text frickin' message at work.
And then he puts this bullshit sad face at the end like that's somehow gonna muffle the frickin' blow, right? So I take advantage of the British Air employee discount on drinks, but as everyone knows the pussy British executive lounge closes at 10:00.
- And you didn't want to be alone.
- Exactly.
So I downed four more black russians, like two or six Heineken, whatever.
And the next thing you know, I'm at your door.
- What time did you get in? - It was after 3:00.
I just used my key and crashed with the girls.
- She's done it before.
- Yes, but in all fairness, I'm usually gone before you guys even get up.
I'm never scared.
I just pretend she's the tooth fairy.
Well, aunt Tunie was shitfaced.
- You sure you don't want a plate? - I'm good.
Okay, girls, show's over.
Time for school.
Let's go.
Hold on, hold on.
- Aunt Tunie gave it to me.
- Yeah.
Oh shit.
I'm sorry, Gracie.
This is all I've got left of him.
But I'll buy you some fancy shampoo later, okay? All right.
Um, I forgot to tell you I put in a good word for Eddie at work.
I think he's got a shot.
- Really? - Yeah yeah.
It was no big deal.
Thanks.
Kevin told me everything.
- Are you okay? - Yes.
What did he tell you? He told me that he and that snotty doctor you work with did an intervention on you.
And I told him, "Kevin, interventions are just fuckin' rude.
" Yeah, we're we're good, Tunie.
Oh no, of course you are.
I mean Kevin can be so overly dramatic, you know, because of our mother's drinking and that red wig.
But what I'm saying is if you ever need me to, you know, calm him down about stuff, I'm so here and there for you.
Thank you.
- On that note, I need a favor.
- Okay.
I was gonna move in with the Gave up my lease and everything.
Can I crash here for a few days, you know, just till I figure my shit out? Sure.
- Thank you.
- M'kay.
- Do you want another waffle? - Oh yes, please.
Okay.
I didn't know Kevin had a baby sister.
Yeah yeah, she's gonna stay with us a couple days, which is good, I guess.
Yeah, good for you.
Company can, you know, help take some of the pressure off.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Sure.
Look, you know what? - This this is fucked up.
- What? I can't stand when you take me off the shelf like this.
It's it's bullshit.
You throw me this crumb and I'm hooked.
It's fuckin' pathetic.
I'm sorry, Eddie.
I I don't know how to do this.
If you need for us not to be friends, I get it.
You might wanna call your buddy Kevin, tell him you got the job.
He's crazy about you, you know? - This is weird.
- So fuckin' weird.
We've got a young mother of two, fell 6 feet into an open sidewalk cellar door.
Massive internal bleeding.
They need to get her into surgery to determine the source.
- What's her name? - Geela.
She and her husband David are very orthodox.
Her parents are reformed, very suburban.
Dr.
O'hara is confabbing with them now.
- She needs to get to surgery.
- What's the holdup? Her orthodox husband would prefer that she be moved to their doctor at Beth Israel.
Her parents want her operated on immediately.
Take the parents to the family room.
Keep the husband in here.
Call I.
C.
U.
and have them ready for her.
Ah, don't touch my stuff.
Turf wars.
These two were fighting over a corner.
Oh, who hasn't? The vendor over here burned this guy who then retaliated with a shish-kebab skewer.
Bon appetit.
Right, I have a hot oil burn and a facial puncture wound.
I'm feeling generous today, Dr.
Cooper.
I'I'll go with the burn.
Holy moly.
What did he say? - He said, "dogs should shit on you.
" - Lovely.
Sam, will you hold the kebab still while I have a look? - So, Thor - Hilarious.
- What? - That's the first time in two years - you've gotten my name right.
- Not true.
You call me sport, chief, wegian and Grande D, which I assume stands for "big diabetic.
" Busted.
New chapter, my friend.
I hear you're really good at fantasy football.
- Yeah, I am outstanding.
- I need your help.
Careful, Thor.
He might sleep with your boyfriend.
Hi, I'm Jackie.
Why is everyone wasting time? - I'm sorry, what's your name? - David.
This is very simple.
I need to get her out of here.
Okay, we're just trying to understand why you don't want her treated here.
Her doctor is at Beth Israel.
Why didn't they take her there? The EMTs just brought her to the nearest hospital.
She wants to go to Beth Israel.
The problem is when a patient has internal bleeding, it can be very dangerous to transport them.
I'm trying to speak for my wife.
Are you sure you want to do this? We made vows.
We have beliefs.
They either mean everything or nothing.
- I don't understand, father.
- Oh, it's a snafu.
- A snafu? - Yes.
When All Saints built the new addition in 1978, the hospital and its property were rezoned for commercial purposes.
As such, the chapel was officially deconsecrated which means that any statuary, relics, et cetera, should have been removed from the space in 1978.
You want to deconsecrate my chapel? According to the books, the move date was scheduled, canceled and rescheduled half a dozen times.
- You were here in 1978, weren't you? - What's your point? - We need 'em back.
- Can't have 'em.
Look at it as you were blessed with having them than you were supposed to.
Bureaucrat to bureaucrat, can't you just look the other way? No.
Forgive me, father, but this is bullshit.
Those statues belong here.
Not according to the books.
I know Michelle Obama.
- What? - You heard me.
Tuna on raisin bread.
You remembered.
- Uh-huh.
- Mm-hmm mm-hmm.
I'll take that as a yes.
- You're such a dork.
- I know.
Ow! - Shit! - It's my house key.
Oh Jesus! I think I I think I cracked a filling.
Oh, Boo, I'm so sorry.
It was you put a key in my sandwich? Yeah, it was my romantic way of asking you to come over whenever you want.
I saw it in a movie.
This is the next level, Boo.
Don't put stuff in my food, Lenny.
But it - Those are the parents? - Yep.
I'm not sure how to maneuver this one.
Yeah, I tried with the husband.
It's not happening.
With the parents, who knows? - May I? - Please.
Okay, so here's the deal.
Geela's injuries are life-threatening.
We've already signed off on the surgery.
- No.
This can't happen here.
This is about Geela, not some goddamn superstition.
She makes her own choices now.
You've turned her into a zealot.
We're wasting time.
Please, move her.
Well, she's too delicate to transport.
I have faith that everything will be fine.
You're standing on ceremony at a time like this? Can you help me? If you want her to help, let them operate.
- You dragged her into this cult.
- It's not a cult.
This is not about what I want.
This is about what I really believe Geela would want.
She doesn't know what she wants since she married you.
She adopted this life.
I didn't drag her into it.
I'm trying to give her what she wants.
Why won't she's my wife.
Why won't any of you help me do this? I will.
- Lenny, I need your rig.
- I can't.
I'm on a run.
Drunkard with a broken leg in Madison Park.
No, I need you to transport a patient to Beth Israel.
- You gotta do it right now.
- My hands are tied.
Dispatch won't allow a driver to pull off an existing run.
- I don't have a lot of time.
- Call 911.
- Are you fucking kidding me? - No.
I need you to send an ambulance to All Saints emergency room.
Ask for Jackie.
Yes, I know how this sounds.
Get your asses here ASAP.
I am catholic.
I could have this entire conversation in Latin if you'd like.
The removal of statues breaks my heart as well.
Pfft.
What will you do with them? - A storage facility on Staten Island.
- Staten island? Can you at least give me a couple of extra weeks so that my staff can say their goodbyes? I'll see to it personally that the statues will stay till the last possible day.
And I assure you that their removal will be handled with reverence and care.
Pillaging a hospital chapel nice work if you can get it.
The ambulance is here.
Would you tell them to keep it down, please? They're freaking out about their carts.
If a vendor even abandons his cart just for a second to take a piss, they get fined like crazy.
- He's got three kids.
He won't recover.
- Follow me.
Hey, keep it down! Tell them to give me their phones.
Scroll for "home.
" Talk to the families.
Tell them to get the carts.
That's smart.
Yeah, you might have thought of that one yourself, Sam.
Pardon me.
Hey, man! I got it.
I don't have what you're looking for.
I come in peace.
Walk with me.
Give me your wallet.
I'm going out for a cup of coffee.
If I end up dead, this guy did it.
You're popular here.
I know them from meetings A.
A.
, N.
A.
Relax, I'm a former drug d d alcohol counselor.
Former.
I got tired of pouring my life force into people who weren't ready to get sober.
How compassionate.
Usually people who succumbed to bullshit interventions who then tried to get sober for all the wrong reasons.
I burned out watching people relapse after getting sober too soon, so I decided to specialize.
I'm the guy who helps people bottom out, find their all-time low by supplying them with drugs and then supervising their downward spiral for a hefty price.
- That's repulsive.
- I take people right to the edge till they beg for sobriety.
I trawl the rooms looking for the weakest pie-eyed newbies with 30, 60, 90 days of sobriety, wait for them to relapse and then I make my move.
Why are you telling me this? I'm tired of lightweights.
This belonged to that woman over there.
She hit 30 days.
Not ready.
What I'm saying is if you need my help, I'll be around.
No, I'm good.
I've dealt with addicts for 20 years.
You took drugs off a man having an epileptic seizure.
New low.
Well done.
Hypothetically, how far am I from hitting bottom? Not even close.
I got lives to save.
You got a minute for a snack? - A smoke? - Nope, sorry.
- Come on, that could be us.
- Mm mm! Hah.
Honestly, I'm just swamped today.
- Rain check? - Yes.
- You okay? - Yes, go.
I don't even get fantasy football.
Then problem solved.
Bye-bye.
This just isn't any fantasy football league.
It's all the hot-shot doctors upstairs who've always looked down on the E.
R.
- It's five grand a head.
- Five grand? And you're trying to bribe me with a Quizno's combo meal? Come on, these guys are assholes of the highest order.
Seriously, they're only letting me in because they think I'm easy money.
And why should I help you join a club of assholes? We win this, the E.
R.
earns the respect it deserves.
They're no different than the bullies I knew in the fourth grade the ones who gave me shit for having gay moms.
Dude, they called me Martina.
Oh my God, you're so much prettier than she is.
Thank you.
- I'll help you.
- Yeah! Thor is the man! Dah! A doctor bought me lunch.
Carry on.
- He put a key in my sandwich - I see.
I saw that once in a movie.
He wants you to come over more.
- God, I'm conflicted.
- Go on.
It's like one minute I'm just crazy about him, I wanna rip his clothes off.
And the next I just wanna stab him in the neck with a fork.
I saw that once in a movie too.
It's not just that he cracked my filling.
I just wish he would, you know, slow the fuck down, son.
You trust your gut.
Date other people.
I confess I wanted to ask you out.
Thanks, but it'd be too much pressure to date God.
Good point.
- Fuuuck! - What did you do? - I gave Zoey a key to my place.
- Nice.
- Then I cracked her filling.
- Romantic.
I put my key in her sandwich and - holy shit, Lenny.
- I know, right? Please help a bonehead out.
Stop trying to handcuff her.
Give her some space, she will make a beeline to you.
I just wanna be with her.
Then let her come to you.
Suffocation is not really much of a turn-on.
Lenny, please.
- Stop it.
- Wait.
- Stop it.
- Wait wait.
Why? You have enough kickers, okay? You need more defense.
A good offense is a good defense, isn't it? - Look, do you want my help or not? - I do.
Okay then, here's the rule you don't get to type.
You get to stand there and look pretty.
I can do that.
Oh no.
No, you don't.
Not these two.
They're architectural embellishments that do not fall within the scope of the chapel.
Nice catch.
Jesus Christ.
I'm an idiot.
A little bit.
I don't mean to pressure you.
I just love being with you, you know, no matter what form that takes.
I'm sorry if it felt like I handcuffed you.
What? At this very moment, I have no desire to stab you in the neeck.
Cool.
Really, miss barkow? Really?! Really?! Get a haircut! Where did you get this? I made it.
You have till the count of three.
One! Jesus.
We're just waiting for my father.
We're not open.
No, we're here for dad.
Mwah! - I have to tell you something.
- Okay.
Aunt Tunie's pilot needed space.
- Is that right? - Yeah.
- What's a sugar daddy? - That's nice.
- Did you have dinner? - Beer nuts and cherries.
- Thank you.
- Oh! For what? Hey, girls, aunt Tunie is going to stay with us for a couple of weeks.
Weeks? You're good with that, right? Yeah yeah, it's fine with me.
We shouldn't have to check in with each other about every little thing.
This is going to be so good for us.
I saw your friend Eddie at work today.
- He called.
Thanks again.
- Yeah.
Eddie that's the one you want me to go out with, right? Eh, I don't know.
Just a thought.
The last one broke his heart.