Offspring (2010) s03e03 Episode Script

OK, who is Nina's biological father? There are two possibilities.
What? Two? The local GP I used to go to and a council parking inspector.
This snuggly, happy family thing - that's not us.
But we are having a baby together.
Jimmy, you're too young and I don't feel that way about you.
Do you think we're ready to maybe try for a baby? Just name the date.
I'll check my calendar and we'll let you know.
Well, the boys and I are ready to go.
Oh, um, this is Andrew, my brother.
Tim.
I want to live with you.
Really? But I don't want you to move in here with me.
We should get a place together.
Neens.
Mrs Faucet's just in.
Contractions? Five minutes.
Also, there's a 1970s Parking Inspector here to see you.
Sorry? Who? That's his name.
His name? First name 1970s, surname Parking Inspector.
Nina? I am a Fitzroy parking officer.
I am your father.
Pardon? Nina? Huh? I'm your local family GP.
I've got right-wing views and several disturbing children.
What? We like to gamble.
And I'm your father.
Nina! Nina Proudman? I'm an obstetrics PhD.
Martin?! OK, so maybe there was a third.
I cultivate African violets and I broke the national javelin record and I am your Nooooo! Oh You alright? Oh.
You called out Martin's name.
Oh, did I? Mm-hm.
You dreaming about him? I think it was bad.
Bad-bad or sexy-bad? Terrible.
"situated in a modern apartment block with a heated pool, spa" Yeah, can't really see you and I in a communal spa.
Nup.
"This three-bedroom, two bath" Hang on.
Billie.
So, have confirmation.
Dr Phillip Noonan is still practising at the Morrison Street Medical Clinic.
What? As for option B, the parking inspector, according to Fitzroy Council employment records Billie, whoa.
Have you have you looked them up? Yeah, just accumulating information.
Nothing more.
Actually, I was I was just hoping we could sit with this.
You must be at least a bit curious? I don't know that I am.
You've thought yourself into some weird mental position, haven't you? Like the psychological equivalent of getting stuck in some yoga pose.
No.
And, Billie if I do decide to take this further, I'm gonna do it on my own terms when I'm ready and probably alone.
Well, once again, it's all about you.
Yes! Yes, it is, actually.
It is all about me.
Well, what if we just viewed them? Goodbye, Billie.
Hello? Hey, it's me.
Oh, Jimmy, I can't speak right now.
Billie says you've gone into total emotional shutdown and don't want to find your own dad.
No, actually, I don't, Jimmy.
Not necessarily.
And and right now I'm You do realise, if it's the doctor, your name would be Nina Noonan.
And if you became a grandma, you'd be Nanna Nina Noonan.
It just keeps on giving.
Hi, Mum.
I hear you've decided not to pursue things in regards to Did Billie call you too? No, I'm at home with Jimmy.
Were you listening in on my call? Mum, I'm actually out at the moment.
If you don't like it, don't use the home line.
Anyway, I just want you to know that I support your choice.
I haven't actually made a choice.
I haven't even made Well, of course you support it.
It's easier for you.
Jimmy, if I was interested in your opinion It's an adventure, Mum! I'm gonna have to go now.
Remember the time I got adopted by another family? You were never adopted by another family! The Bayer-Hubermans! They didn't adopt you, you just turned up to the house every night 'till Liz Bayer-Huberman got so annoyed, she told me to come and pick you up! Really? Yeah.
And then she gave me an invoice for all the food you ate over the four months.
Oh.
Darling? Oh.
Could be a good study or TV room.
I'll turn it off.
I'll just I'll just - Dad.
- I just spoke to Billie.
Right.
Yes? Nina I hope you're not stepping back from all this on my account.
No, I just I haven't I haven't made any decisions yet, Dad.
Because if there's even a fragment of you that's curious about this, then you should pursue it.
You have to.
I have thought about it a bit.
And I think what's the best-case scenario? He's a nice, healthy man who doesn't expect anything of me.
II have a father.
I have a father I love.
I'm sorry, ma'am, the opening is over.
Yeah, I reckon we'll just start with some some bread and olives? Yeah, good idea.
Thank you.
So, Andrew, further to our conversation about getting rolling again.
Whoa, can't we can't we catch up first? Yeah, we've already done that.
We ordered and you bragged about your car park.
OK, I'm back in the zone at the end of the week.
We need your swimmers.
Are you free Friday night? Oh, I've got something on on Friday night.
Saturday morning? There's a chance that my Friday night might stretch into Saturday morning.
What? Tim? Are you at the shagging point with Tim? OK, tell me every detail.
Start at the beginning.
Spare me nothing.
There's not a lot to tell.
There's obviously been progression.
Some.
Pashing? Yeah, well, give me context.
Give me who initiated.
Billie! What? Don't listen to him.
Give me second by second detail.
We saw a movie.
OK, straight but continue.
And afterwards we were talking and well, mostly babbling from me.
But he kinda touched my hair and Unoriginal but solid.
And then I stopped babbling for a second and I kind of looked at him and Sustained? With tongue? Jesus! Thank you.
Timing.
Thanks.
Hey, um, does Tim know that that we're, um that I'm your What, you're our spoof jockey? Oh! Have you told him? Yeah.
I discuss my family's sperm situation with every potential employer.
Do you think I ought to tell him? No, it's too soon.
It's too weird.
Wouldn't it be weirder if in a month's time I say, "Hey, Tim, I don't know if you know but I'm" Hey, what you do is you tell him but only when you're totally certain that he's completely addicted to you.
See, when I first started dating Mick, he didn't even know that I was actually 30.
I SO knew.
Hello? Billie, I've got a man here who says you fielded a request about his house.
Can't seem to find it on file.
A Darryl Collie.
No, uh Oh, uh Would that be under the property address or? Um, no no, Dad.
That man There was no inquiry.
What? He He's the parking inspector who might be Nina's father.
Make sure you get a One with the window in it.
This is so good.
Billie, we are standing in the most amazing sublet.
Neens, um, I have to tell you something.
You may find it confronting.
What? I want to preface this by stating this is the product of an extremely unpredictable chain of events.
What is? You're not required to do anything but I thought it would be inappropriate for you not to know what was happening at this moment.
What's happening? Darryl Collie, your potential father, has turned up at work.
Dad is having a meltdown.
Mum's on her way and Darryl's desperate to meet you.
Give me your location.
I'll come to you immediately.
There'll be other places.
We don't want to make a panic decision.
Well, it's not.
II'm panicked but you're not panicked and you think this is the one, right? It's the one.
Offer another $50 if it gives us a better chance.
B-before I state anything else, I'd just like to declare that everything I have done I have done because I'm interested in you.
And I'm only interested in you because I love you.
Enormously.
Just get in the car, please.
As you know, I had ascertained that option B, the parking inspector, was a Mr Darryl Collie.
Oh, and as you know, I had said very clearly leave it at that.
That is correct.
But, unfortunately, prior to that declaration, I had established that Darryl lives in the area.
A mere 15 minutes away.
No, Billie! And I just thought, "What harm could there be in me just walking by?" Just walking by and taking a look, that's all.
But as fate would have it, there was a very limited amount I could see from the street.
So it occurred to me, perhaps inappropriately, that I was in a work outfit and that real estate agents often make unprompted visits on properties.
What?! Don't judge me! You did it once.
I did not! Yes, you did! You got me to doorknock on that Carlton place.
I got you to do that because I wanted to see their outdoor living area, not drop bombshells about unwanted daughters.
Neither was I.
I just wanted a visual, that's all.
Hi.
Hi.
Um um sorry to, um to interrupt your afternoon.
I'm Billie Proudman from Proudman Real Estate.
I'm just calling because a client of ours has expressed interest in your property.
Oh.
And at first, I thought, "This can't be right.
" There was no sign of Darryl and this woman, she was way too young.
She was only like a decade older than us.
It's, um it's more spacious than you'd think, isn't it? But, then This girl, the daughter, was you in the mid-'90s.
Um, Bree Bree, this is Billie.
I'm sorry, I've forgotten what agency you're from.
She was doing yoga whilst watching an online university lecture.
She was so you.
I felt, like, this bit of vomit come up in my throat.
She sniffed and blinked.
She sniffed and blinked like only you sniff and blink.
And then, just did something pointless with her hair and it was too much for me.
Oh, um I'll just leave you my card.
And you can you can call me.
Oh! Ah! Are you OK? It was like being in a parallel world overrun by Nina replicates.
And at that point I realised that I had somewhat overstepped the mark.
At that point.
At that point! And I vowed that that would be the end of it.
Absolutely.
In retrospect, I can see that my sudden honesty placed Dad in a difficult position.
Well, the eldest moved out a while back and Bree, she's the youngest, is going overseas to study.
So we're thinking of downsizing.
Oh, sorry, what? Did you ever, um Were you a a parking inspector? Yeah, I was.
For two summers in my late teens.
Late teens? Unfortunately He was a teenager! A teenager! I mean Fuck, Geraldine! Fucking hell! So I called Cherie.
She's taken Darcy.
He's cooling off.
Mum's arrived, she's at the pub, she's talking with Darryl.
He is understandably a little thrown by this.
He has expressed a desire to meet you.
There is absolutely no pressure and it's perfectly fine for you to opt to do nothing.
Is that what you want? What do you want to do? Just indicate when you know.
He's sitting opposite Mum.
Yeah, I get that, Billie.
I don't feel anything.
If you were my father, wouldn't I feel? No.
You don't believe in that.
Darling? Uh, Darryl, this is My goodness.
You look just like Bree.
My daughter.
I'm Nina.
I'm Darryl Collie.
Uh would you like some space? Shall I Really, Mum.
Could I get us some food perhaps? Some chips or dips? OK.
Darryl, I'm I'm so sorry about all of this.
No, no, I'm sorry, too.
It's It's just I'm a bit stunned, I'm afraid.
Me too! I have to admit, I'd almost forgotten that afternoon.
Not that it was a forgettable afternoon.
It's just that it was so long ago.
I'm not even sure that we completely We did.
Completely.
That day well I was in a particularly fragile state.
I'd been sitting in my car for hours just trying to collect my thoughts.
Where was I? Oh, I can't remember.
I-I was sitting there What do you mean you can't remember? I was one-and-a-half.
It was over three decades ago, Billie! Darryl issued me with a parking ticket and, um I unravelled.
You were very upset.
I offered to forget the parking ticket but she said it wasn't just the parking ticket.
We talked.
We drank.
Sometimes a stranger is the best person to comfort you.
Oh Stranger and the family doctor.
Billie Family doctor? Oh, we We're not entirely sure that it's you yet.
What? You mean there's there's other options? Not a plethora.
Just one other I think you should see this.
That's Bree.
She's studying to be a physiotherapist.
And Danielle.
She's a human resources manager.
She just got married.
Wow.
Sheryl? Oh, it's my wife.
She's expecting me.
Oh, if you need to go, please.
You Sorry, love.
Yeah, I got held up.
No, no, I won't be much longer.
Huh? Yeah, OK, fine.
Anyone got a pen? I've got one.
Thank Thank you.
Go ahead.
Fennel, fennel seeds Oh, shit.
Thank you.
Hold on.
Bin liners, liquid handwash, yep.
Aloe vera? Uh-huh.
And dishwashing pellets.
You want the pellets or the liquid? The pellets, alright.
Yep.
Yeah.
I won't be long, love.
Bye.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Well what do we do from here? There's a DNA test.
I suppose I could tee it up at the hospital.
It's not too complicated.
I don't suppose you know your blood type? AB.
You sure? Have been my whole life.
AB.
Uh you're not my father.
I'm just, again, I'm so sorry for the disturbance.
Oh, Neens, stop apologising.
Yeah, it's nobody's fault.
It is.
It's yours.
Just to confirm, no-one was here for the house? I mean that was just No, no, sorry.
But if you are interested in selling, can I recommend Proudman Real Estate? She's joking.
No, I'm not, actually.
Well, good luck, I suppose, in finding him.
You might want to break it to him a little bit gentler than you did me.
But look, Nina, I'm sure once he has a chance to catch his breath, he'll be thrilled to discover a daughter like you.
Thank you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
So Morrison Street Medical Centre.
No! That's enough.
No more visits, drive-bys or any thing.
What? Oh, God, you haven't? I haven't done anything! Just pencilled in an appointment for next Tuesday under the name of Billie Holland.
Ha! You are God You are just you are unf Cancel it! Mum was strangely composed.
Drunk? No.
Just acting like it didn't really have anything to do with her.
She was just there for support.
Maybe drunk.
And your dad? Oh, shit, I've gotta call Dad.
No, look, no No, I do.
Or Cherie, just to see how he is.
Call him tomorrow.
Nina.
Mmm? This is your home.
It's our home.
Did you have to offer more? Nah.
Not much competition? It got pretty physical.
No, there's a 360-degree tour in there.
And he he couldn't swap for Saturday night? Said he had a gig.
Sunday? No, I can't do Sundays.
I need substantial amounts of alcohol in these situations.
We could go right now.
I'll give Dad a call to say I'm gonna be30 minutes late.
It's slightly early in the cycle.
No, you know how I am with time limits.
Um I have noticed that you do need a lot of time.
I mean, should we be discussing this? No, we really shouldn't.
Look, I think I should just come clean and tell him.
No! No, I'll just say, "I'm helping my brother have a kid.
"His wife's in the zone.
"I've got duties tonight.
" Makes you sound like our sex coach.
Alright, I'll say 'sperm donor'.
No! I'll make it sound charmingly awkward.
No! Tim is an early-30s gay muso.
You associate yourself with children or conception and Oh, the anatomical accuracy is just staggering.
I'll organise something with Dad.
We'll go Saturday arvo.
You have a Tim-fest tonight.
See ya.
Just remember that there need to be limits.
Limits? Tonight.
If we're going tomorrow, you can't tonight.
What? If you go the full enchilada tonight, then your sperm count will bottom out tomorrow.
Billie! Andrew, enjoy your life, have your fun.
No! You'll be fine.
You can manage that.
He can go all the way to home base, you just, you know, you stay on third.
You can manage that.
It's where I live half the time.
Just for the record, that is not true.
Nina.
Your brother and Zara are here for their ultrasound.
Oh.
Zara's doing her nervous passive-aggressive thing and Jimmy's doing his nervous act-like-a-12-year-old thing.
It's bad.
Just go with it! Commit Oh, Jimmy, settle down.
Pretend you're having the baby.
Pretend you're having the baby.
You're an idiot.
Neens! Here we have your aunty, the insanely talented baby doctor.
Can you please tell him to turn the camera off? I want to structure the video so we're actually talking to the future kid.
So if you could address the camera as a future kid.
Or, Jimmy, let's just leave it.
OK? This is a really important check.
Just wait.
Sorry about your arm.
Jimmy, you're crushing my hand.
Please, a strong heartbeat.
Good size.
And now you're crushing my head.
Sorry.
There's your baby.
Heartbeat sounds good.
It sounds very good.
Placenta? It's a good position.
Is that is that a foot? That is a foot.
Is it a good foot? It's a very good foot.
Sex? What? No.
No, no, we don't want to know that.
Yeah, yeah, we do.
No, no, it has to be a surprise.
Tell me privately.
No, no.
If I know you know, I'll have to know too.
Well, I haven't looked yet but it would be easy to No, no, come on! Alright, alright.
Thank you.
We'll keep it a surprise.
Thank you.
OK, yep.
Our baby.
Yep, OK.
Our little baby! You're crushing me a bit again.
Billie, I'm just I thought of a good alibi, in case you need to put on the brakes.
OK, OK, so apparently, some antibiotics affect erectile function.
So you can just say that Hel hello? Hey.
Hey.
That's a great vest.
Oh, great, uh everything.
Whoa.
Hello.
I have a confession.
I've had a couple of drinks.
It's a bad pre-date habit I have.
I have the exact same habit.
Just not today yet, unfortunately.
Hence this awkward stuttering.
So where were you thinking we'd go tonight? Well, I have to confess something else.
I left it too late and all of the restaurants I wanted were booked up.
So Well Is this OK? Yes.
Yes.
Um I wish you'd told me, though.
I would have been able to bring some Oh, wine? Thanks.
I've got one more confession.
Mm-hm? It, uh it contradicts the previous confession.
I didn't even try to make a booking.
Iwas just looking for an excuse to get you back here.
Hello.
Hello.
I was hoping to get in to see Dr Noonan.
Do you have an appointment? No.
There is quite a wait but Dr Henschell has a gap in about half an hour.
Um I I'd prefer to see Dr Noonan.
Name? Name? Name.
Nina Reid.
Sad, Nina.
Just sad and pathetic.
New patient? I'll get you to fill this in for me, please.
Just bring it back when you're done.
Address? Shit.
Who knows? Occupation? Do I put 'doctor'? Or What are you doing? Just leave.
Just What are you doing? Leave.
Uh Mrs Sedderis.
Mrs Sedderis? Yes yes.
He has my chin.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Is this is this all too fast for you? No, no, no, this is great.
This is great.
Um, I've just I've got a confession to make too.
You've got a boyfriend? No! No, I'm extremely single.
Epically single.
No, it's not it's not that.
This isn't your first time with a guy, is it? Is that how it seems? It's OK if it is.
I think it's No, no! I've been with dozens well Several.
Many, many Substantially more than one.
No, no Tim I'm helping my brother have a kid.
Mick's had trouble conceiving and I'm the sperm donor.
And I've gotta go again tomorrow morning, which seriously curtails what I can do tonight with you.
Won't be long now.
Oh, as if you can focus on the page.
Miss Reid? Miss Reid? What? Yes? Hello.
Sorry about the wait.
Start of the school term.
Those schoolyards are like little Petri dishes.
He has my smile.
Shall we? I'll I'll just put Oh, no, drink it.
It's fine.
Oh.
Well, no, you don't have to drink it all in Sorry.
Can I? Oh.
Come on through.
No photos.
So, first visit to this clinic? Simple answers.
Yes.
I haven't seen you before? Not not that I'm aware of.
Oh.
Oh, you're a doctor.
Yes, yes, at St Francis.
What? That's so trackable.
What are you doing? And what can I do for you, Nina? His eyes.
Um well, I'm I'm going on a on a flight, an international flight, to Baltimore, which and where I'm at I'm attending a conference.
Get to the point.
Get to the point! And I I I find those flights those long flights difficult.
So I was just I was hoping to get something for that.
For flying anxiety? Or jetlag or? Jetlag.
Or or both, actually.
Both would be good.
I'm a nervous flyer myself.
Just dread those long flights.
Yes.
Every creak I hear on those planes, I imagine Think the wings are gonna snap off! I, um I take one valium at the start of the flight.
It helps with sleep at the other end, as well, I find.
Oh, that'd be good.
Crosses his 7's.
Now, I, uh, need to fill in the rest of your patient details.
It's a policy of the clinic for prescriptions.
Sure.
Shit.
Um no listed address? Uh, no, I'm well, I'm moving house at the moment.
Is there a a family address I could, uh, put in here temporarily? Um, well, there's my my mother's What are you doing?! Si put my sister.
Put that down.
She's at 33 Shirley Avenue, Collingwood.
Ah now, any um ongoing conditions that we should be aware of? Mm-mm.
Prescriptions? No.
What about family medical history? Your parents.
My my mother's in very good health.
And your father? How's his health? He's well, he had a heart attack last year.
He's prone to high blood pressure.
Should just have a listen to your heart.
A touch fast.
Oh, uh well, it's been a bit frantic at work today.
Lots of women in labour.
- Oh! You're an obstetrician? - Oh, Nina! Mm-hm.
I better take your blood pressure as well.
If you could, uh Oh.
His hands.
I delivered a baby earlier this year.
Unexpectedly.
Really? Mmm.
Right here in this office.
A pregnant woman came in complaining of stomach pains.
She was in advanced labour.
Healthy? Oh, they were both fine.
I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, though.
Don't know if I'd have the constitution to do it every day.
I'm not sure I do, either! It was a memorable afternoon.
I think of it often.
Your blood pressure's fine.
120/80.
Now, is there is there anything else? Um I don't I-I think that's it.
Just bulk bill for Dr Reid, thanks, Sal.
Oh, thanks.
Your Medicare card.
Well, have a wonderful time in Baltimore.
How long are you going for? Oh, just a week or two.
A week.
I hope the flight isn't too painful.
Uh, sorry, this says Proudman.
Oh, shit! Proudman? That's my maiden name.
Oh.
You ticked unmarried.
Oh I knew a Proudman family once.
Well, I knew a Geraldine Proudman.
Sign here, please.
Are you a relation? Say no.
Say yes.
Say say she's distant.
Say you've never heard of her.
She'd be in her 50s now and, uh, she had a daughter.
She'd be well into adulthood.
Um Uh Billie.
She she's my mother.
Thanks again.
II it's amazing that you can deliver at all.
That's what I reckon.
And what do you do after? I just I just call out "OK" and, um take it upstairs and then clear the hell out of there.
It's deeply strange.
No, it's not.
It's great.
It's a beautiful thing you're doing for your brother.
And I know why they asked you to do it.
Because there should be more of your genes in the world.
So you've been summoned for tomorrow morning? They wanted to do it tonight but What? Andrew.
Why's he calling? Uh just sitting at home, eating Thai takeaway, watching a crappy DVD that Billie chose.
Why? What, is the date over already? Shh.
Here? What, now? What? Tim? Hi.
So, downstairs OK? Is this some kind of weird practical joke? 'Cause I The stuff, where is it?! It was under the sink! I didn't I haven't touched it! Better find it! Where is it?! OK, hurry! Hurry! You really better hurry.
Ah! Here it is, here it is! Whose phone is that? It's mine, mine! Ignore it.
Oh! Get the tissues.
OK, OK, go, go, go, go! Hi, Billie.
It's me.
Just to let you know, I've I went there - to the medical clinic.
And I saw him - Dr Noonan.
My father.
Call me.
And I just blubbed out, "She's my mother.
" Like the worst possible thing I could've said! But you never said you were his daughter.
No, I couldn't.
I just bolted.
Like a mad woman.
He look like you? Yes I think.
I don't know.
He had my chin.
And my hands.
I've gotta go back tomorrow.
No, you don't.
You don't have to do anything.
Oh, what, think I can just leave it at that? My one interaction with my birth father is some bizarre fake check-up? Maybe.
What?! Neens! Answer me.
You do not drop bombshells like that and then reject calls.
I'm calling back.