Robot Chicken s03e03 Episode Script

It's alive! Can you show us the area where the man touched you? Right here on my penis! I got to stop eating macaroni and cheese with every meal.
It's nature's ass cork.
Tiny, you're late.
Your team needs you in battle.
Okay, here we go! Ho ho ho ho ho ho! All: Oh! Tiny! That is terribly gross.
How embarrassing.
We're just concerned, Tiny.
Yeah, the problem's getting bigger.
Like your stomach.
Just let me eat my pizza in peace.
That's not pizza.
That's the cardboard circle you microwave the pizza on! Oh.
It's Zoltar! Okay, team G- force! Wow, Tiny, that was impressive.
You're my he-hero! Looks like fatty's stealing all our thunder.
You thinking what I'm thinking? Uh-huh.
Hey, Tiny, I thought we could celebrate today's vic wow.
Okay, we were not thinking the same thing at all here.
Hello, and welcome to "Mythbusters.
" On today's episode, the holocaust.
Hold that thought, Adam.
Mythbusters.
Please help! My son won't stop masturbating.
I told him he'll go blind, but he says that's just a myth.
Is that true? We got one! Masturbation does not cause blindness.
The only correlation between the two is that semen contains a large amount of zinc.
As much as.
25 milligrams of zinc to one milliliter of seminal fluid.
A deficiency of zinc can cause blindness.
But the loss of zinc through masturbation isn't nearly enough to cause a deficiency.
You called about a myth? Yeah, I thought we just There's no time! Oh, my God! Both: Mythbusters, go! Aah! I'm sorry! I swear I'll never masturbate again! Another myth busted.
Both: Here on "Mythbusters"! Ow! Mother fucking piece of shit! Are you Timmy? Damn it! I'll find him.
Run, Forrest! Run! Well, blow me down! What's everybody doing in me living room? Oh, Popeye! It's the spinach.
We think you're addicted.
Those forearms are grotesque, son.
It ain't natural.
Me spinach? Ha-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga! It's spinach.
Then hand it over.
What? You're out of your cotton-picking minds! You can't take me spinach.
Aah! Popeye, me boy, fight it! Fight it, son! I can't! So why are you here? I want to destroy cities and rid the streets of weaponry.
Yeah, but why are you really here? I want to be king of the monsters.
There you go.
Now if you stick with me, you'll make it.
But you got to unlearn that bullshit that they teach you on monster island now, 'cause that shit will get you killed out here.
I'll do anything you want me to do.
My lizard.
Now, how's your Japanese? Not that good.
Well, you learn that shit then, brother, 'cause that shit will get you killed.
These mother fuckers out there be planning all types of shit on you.
Hey, yo, Mazinger, you got my stuff? Yo, what you need, 'Zilla? Check it out.
I got rocket-firing hands.
I got rockets for your shoulders and legs.
My shit is tight! Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Well, anyway what did you do?! Justifiable homicide in the line of duty.
No, that was murder.
Open your eyes, son.
That man was your friend, and you killed him like a fly.
Why is he my friend, huh? Because he knows my name? Mazinger sold guns and rockets.
The world is a better place without him, anyway.
Now get your ass in the car.
No way, man.
I'm getting reassigned.
Well, you do that.
You tell them what I did.
I don't give a damn, 'cause I got news for you.
King Kong ain't got shit on me.
# Do do do going to work, # Helping the environment, saving the economy # Sorry, Council of Evil Tables, your villainy stops now.
So says the Table Smasher! So we meet again, South African oak conference table! Rats! Diplomatic immunity! Oh! Don't do it, Table Smasher! You know what this table took from me! It ain't worth it.
Like hell it ain't! Oh, lord! That wobble's never gonna go away.
Go ahead! Slap the cuffs on me.
I don't care.
I didn't see nothing.
I didn't see nothing at all.
If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk.
If you give a mouse some milk, he'll want some more.
If you give a mouse more milk, he'll develop a taste for human blood.
If he develops a taste for human blood, he'll become a vampire.
If he becomes a vampire, he'll have to make some followers.
Now if he makes some followers, they will need to feed.
If they feed too much, the national guard will be called out.
If the national guard is called out, they, too, will become fodder for the vampires.
If the national guard fails, the president will call in a nuclear strike.
If a nuke is dropped, hundreds of thousands of people will die.
America will become a nuclear wasteland and collapse! With no one to keep the rest of the world's nukes in check, every crackpot nation will launch their own! Eventually, the entire earth will be destroyed.
And that's why I had to kill daddy.
He was giving a mouse a cookie.
Sleep well, sweetie.
I know what you're thinking.
"Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, you got to ask yourself one question.
"Do I feel lucky?" Well, do you, punk? You know what? I do! Hot damn! This must be my lucky day! Get back here, punk! I'm gonna ooh! Aah! Stop right there! Stop that guy! Ow, ow, ow, ow! I'm the luckiest bastard on the planet! I can't be stopped.
Just call me Lucky McLuckerton.
# Lucky, lucky, doodle-do # # I have luck instead of you # There he is.
Don't let him get away! Get your hands off me! Really good day, really good.
Really good being thought of.
What the? Aw, man, there's a leprechaun on my shoe.
Ha! Gotcha, punk.
I'm completely buggered.
Please help me.
The cow says Moo! Your mom says because my cock is in her mouth.
Get it, kid? My cock in her mouth.
This is Bob Barker ending my last show, reminding you to help control the pet population.
Spay or neuter your pets today.
So long, everybody.
Hey, Phil, have you spayed or neutered your pet today? Nah, I'll do it tomorrow.
You really should do it today.
Whatever.
Hmm I'd say that's $30 for the hedge clippers.
Right.
$12.
48 for the hair trimmers.
Right.
And $18.
29 for the chloroform.
Right again, Bob.
I've never felt so alive! All those years of talking about it, and now i'm actually doing something about it.
No more hair balls for you.
Come on down! The horses are at the starting gate.
And they're off.
With the help of flowers and some Barry White, we hope Jengo will finally impregnate Ming Li and save the species.
Yo, boss, this is crazy.
We got to watch our backs if we're gonna save our sacs.
You got a plan? The mysterious castrating vigilante has struck again.
In an unrelated story, the annual dog show starts today.
This dog show's a no-show.
I expect better manners from my guests, Bob.
You? I should have known! That's right.
And there's no way you're gonna shizzle my nizzle.
It's for the good of the pet population! You know, Bob, I have to hand it to you.
What's that? Your nuts! Aaaahhhhh! Ha ha ha ha ha! I'm 83 years old, stupid.
I've been shooting dust for years.
But I wouldn't mind a replacement set.
Ah! My nuts! You're in deep trouble, friend balls deep.
Spay or neuter your pets today! Fuck you, Bob Bar Snoop Dogg, Robot Chicken.