Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018) s03e03 Episode Script
The Sticking Place
UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS Lady M certainly has the moves, eh? Ah, shame for you she's only got eyes for Lord Charlie.
Lucky blighter! THEY LAUGH Come on, Major, you're far too handsome to be a wallflower.
I know, Your Ladyship.
My looks are a curse.
Oh, no, Charlie.
SHE LAUGHS Don't tell me you've nodded off.
You'd better hit the dance floor, your wife is being swamped by admirers.
Oh, Charlie? Charlie? Charlie? Darling, wake up, please.
Charlie.
Oh, no.
BELLS CHIME A wonderful service, ma'am.
Very fitting.
I'll fetch you a pot of tea, shall I? Unless you prefer something stronger.
Thank you, Chamberlain, tea will be fine.
And thank you all for your kindness over the last few days.
We knew this was comi I know Lord Charlie thought the world of you, as do I.
At last, the magnificent Lady Mortimer.
I've heard so much about you.
What the hell are you doing here? Mm.
MUSIC: Different Forces by Phantom Horse A load of pensioners being turfed off their allotments.
Not exactly the French Connection, is it? SHE LAUGHS THUDDING, THEY SCREAM Ooh!Where did he come from? I didn't see a thing! I Just he came out of nowhere.
It just Ah, Frank! Oh, God, I can't even look.
I can't look.
Is he all right? Well, he's quite well dressed for a crash test dummy.
Oh, my! I just, I thought he was You think you can scare me with some ridiculous, stupid voodoo doll? What's all that? LAUGHTER A bit of fun.
Isn't that Viola's?Yeah.
Ooh! What? What is it now? It's my sciatica.
That's your bad driving, that, I should put a claim in.
Look, old chap, we've said before and I'll say it again, we have no beef with Her Ladyship.
Then get off her land! We don't understand why you can't build elsewhere.
The villagers have been allowed to grow on this land for generations.
The covenant cannot be broken.
Whatever, you've had a good run.
Now, get lost before your luck runs out.
Uh, sir.
I would have to ask you to stop making threats.
Threats, they're promises.
Mr Fitzallan, if you continue, I'm going to have to place you under arrest.
Me?! HE LAUGHS Me?! I'm not the one doing anything illegal.
Am I, boys and girls? It's not just old rosemary and thyme getting boxed up in that shed, is it? THEY LAUGH, HE CLICKS TONGUE Something should be done about him! Well, I know how I'd like to deal with him.
Darn ruffian.
I just don't know what you think we can do to stop this eviction.
Oh, Viola speaks so highly of you.
We need you to dig up a bit of dirt? Have you got none of your own? SHE LAUGHS There is something a bit off about this new estate manager, Fitzallan.
He seems to be pulling Lady M's strings.
Yes.
She was our greatest supporter until he came on the scene.
Literally turned up on the very day of Lord Charlie's funeral a few months ago, been causing ructions ever since.
Well, come in.
Come in.
But things were civil with Her Ladyship before that, were they? Oh, yes.
We were great friends.
We used to get up to all sorts up at the Hall.
Balls.
Musical events.
Garden parties.
Oh, yes, she used to come and play poker here in the clubhouse at least once a week.
Wonderful woman.
But since this eviction notice, we've tried to talk to her, but Chamberlain keeps fobbing us off.
Chamberlain?Yeah, the butler.
Fitzallan seems to have him wrapped round his little finger, too.
We just don't know how we got to this.
Steady on, old girl, she'll come through.
Mm.
We just need to get that blasted Fitzallan off the scene.
Do you think there could be something going on between the two of them? Maybe a little romance.
No, no, no.
Not her type at all.
He's a right rum sort.
Yeah, no, he is He's quite handsome, isn't he? Quite alpha-male.
A little air of danger about him, isn't there? So I'm just saying, you know, it's like Lady Chatterley's Lover, it happens, doesn't it? It is possible.
She does seem completely spellbound by him.
Well, seeing as we're here, we might as well take a look around.
Oh, could we just have a cuppa before webefore westart? Yes, yes, of course.
Oh.
You couldn't put some semi-skimmed in that, could you? You can't put milk in one of Dolly's combobulations, old chap! Ah.
Oh, smells lovely.
What's in it? Oh, today's speciality is ginger, turmeric and arrowroot.
It's especially good for warming your cockles.
Oh, my cockles are nice and snug as they are, thank you very much.
Oh, do sit down, old chap! Yeah, I'd love to.
I'm having a bit of nerve trouble, you know? Oh.
So, you were given three months' notice to get off the land? We were given the notice a while back.
We didn't think Lady M would go through with it.
How long have you? Ow! Ooh.
How long have you got? 25 hours and approximately 33 minutes.
HE GROANS Oh, it's not that bad, Frank.
I'm sure we can do something.
Oh.
It's my sciatica.
Dolly, don't you think it's about time that we gave him one of your magic potions? Oh, yeah.
Um Rub this into the affected area four times a day.
No, I'm fine, thanks.
No, no, no.
It's purely herbal.
It'll do you no harm.
Oh, go on.
You might as well give it a go.
Might stop you doing all those weird grunting noises.
What do you mean? HE GRUNTS I'm so sorry.
Oh! What's in here, then? Nothing, old chap.
Just a lock-up for tools.
Lots of chains.
Well, can't be too careful.
SHE GASPS Oh, don't go near those plants.
Oh, sorry.
I'm trampling all over your flowers.
Oh, no, don't be sorry.
It's hemlock.
It grows wild all over the estate.
Place is crawling with it.
Well, off you go.
See you.
Bye.
IN AMERICAN ACCENT:Hey, dude, I think I know what's in the lock-up.
Just get in the car.
Oh, there must be some aspirin in here somewhere.
It's like Pirates of the Caribbean, isn't it? I was going to say the First Folio.
Yes.
I love a good bodice-ripper.
Is that the one where the Argentinian polo player hypnotises all the rich wives with his big gold fob? No such thing.
It is an unutterably important early compilation of the Bard's seminal works.
Sorry.
Bet this gives me a rash.
HE GROANS What was it me mam used to say? "Oh, Francis, your skin, as delicate as a newborn angel's tears.
" HE CLEARS THROA IN POSH ACCENT:"I, Baron Mortimer of Arden, in this year, 1741, "do hereby grant, in perpetuity, farming land for the sustenance "and fortification of the peoples of Ardenwicke "and their issue and their issue's issue.
" Bless you.
This covenant has stood for nearly 300 years.
Yeah, we've had a solicitor look over it.
Apparently, it's just an expression of wishes, but it could stand up in court.
Yeah, but they haven't got the money to fight it.
Right, look at this.
This red outline is the allotments.
Now, planning permission for a wedding venue was granted three years ago.
But what I don't understand is why build it smack bang in the middle of the allotments when you got 38 acres to play with? That is the question.
I went online to the council's planning portal.
Now, Lord Charlie originally asked for it to be built here, right beside the lake.
Beautiful mooring for a gondola.
Oh, yeah.
Dreamy, yeah.
The bride sailing off in a boat, the groom waiting on the end of the pier to sweep her up in his big, manly arms and then rip her Just rip her off, actually, for every penny she's got.
Where did you get married, Frank? Registry office.
Well, no, it was closed for a refurb, so they moved us to this temporary Portakabin in the car park, and it rained.
Well, I say it rained, it was more like hail.
Mm, I can see you're impressed.
Don't worry, wasn't as romantic as it sounds.
Anyway, do we know anything else about Fitzallan? I mean, it seems weird that he showed up out of the blue and started shouting the odds.
Haven't found so much as a parking ticket.
Now, he did work as the house and estate manager for Sir Alfred McArthur for 17 years.
I'm just waiting for Sir Alfred's PA to get back to me with a reference.
But the really strange thing is no-one has requested any modifications to the original planning consent.
You can't just move an entire structure, even on your own land.
Hang on, are we saying that, at this precise moment in time, there is no planning application to build anything on the allotments? What's the hurry to demolish it, then? Ah.
Maybe they were growing something they shouldn't.
We need to find out what's going on.
That's where you come in, young Sebastian.
Here we go.
Allotments, dirt, cheek-by-jowl with a load of soggy old cabbages.
Au contraire.
A nice, cosy job by the fireside.
"By the fireside," he said, not IN it! Don't touch those!Beg your pardon.
It's just I mean, Her Ladyship has such fabulous bone structure.
Help me with this rug, will you? So, the Lord and Lady do a lot for charity? Oh, His Lordship is no longer with us, but he devoted his life to good works.
Her Ladyship continues.
Hospitals, orphanages.
She's even started a retirement home for old racehorses.
Ah, how wonderful! Still, I suppose it's easy to give it all away when you're born into it.
Not Lady M.
She made her own money.
Sold her business for millions.
Argh! Chamberlain! Ah! An unforgivable oversight.
I'll refill it straight away.
I know how much you appreciate His Lordship's vintage malt.
What's all this mess?The chimney, the sweep reckons there's a dead pigeon stuck up there.
Superstitious chap says it's a bad omen.
Oh, dear.
One rather hoped my run of rotten luck was coming to an end.
I'm taking Nugget out, Chamberlain.
My poor darling is finally over his nasty cough.
Call Pecksmith, please.
Tell him to saddle up.
Most certainly.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Oh, how remiss of me.
HE CLEARS THROA This came for you this morning.
Ah! Flaming Nora! "Berkeley, don't be a" Don't be a what? Cheapskate.
There we go.
Oh, thanks.
Are you feeling all right? All dressed up and in a good mood, will the real Frank Hathaway please step forward? Did that potion cure you? Well, might have helped a bit, yeah.
I've just made some hawthorn and sage tea.
And perhaps you'd like to try some of my extra special chocolate brownies? BOTH: Ooh!Why not? Be a shame not to, wouldn't it? Thanks.
There you go.
That's a "turnip" for the books.
You get it.
"Turnip", "turn-up".
Never mind.
Would you take that up to the Hall? Righty-o.
It's a gift box for Lady M, a sort of last-minute peace offering from all of us.
I don't suppose it'll make any difference, though.
We've only got three hours till the eviction.
Have you made any progress? What, about Gerald Fitzallan? No.
No, not yet.
But we do have a man on the inside.
He might have some information.
I'll give him a call.
Listen up, everybody.
We are staring into the abyss.
And it looks like we'll be implementing Operation Oregano! THEY CHEER Oh.
PHONE VIBRATES Mr Fitzallan, I really think you should put the brakes on.
Brakes.
Oh, no.
HE LAUGHS Lady M, I'm not waiting any longer.
One of Mrs Tearsheet's new camomile concoctions from the gift basket.
You should try some, Mr Fitzallan.
Very good for your equilibrium.
Somebody told me the allotment holders have hired private investigators.
Who knows what they may find out about the covenant.
Your tea.
Thank you.
I spoke to my lawyers this morning.
I'm afraid we may have to grant them a stay of execution, a further 90 days.
Three more months?! No.
I said I'll get rid of them today, and I will.
What are you doing? Taking care of business.
That's for you.
That's for you.
We all look better, obviously, if we stand as one.
ALL CHANT: Plants, not profits! Well, give it a bit of welly! Oi! Rip Van Winkle, how many of those of you had? Oh, man, you're such a buzzkill.
It's just great to be alive PHONE RINGS .
.
isn't it, eh? Free from pain.
You.
Oh, Sebastian.
Hello.
Sebastian!What?! ALL CHANT: Plants, not profits! Oh, my Plants, not profits!No, stop! I said stop!Plants, not profits! I'm ordering you to stop! Viola, what are you doing? Get out of the way! HORN HONKS Sir, turn your engine off.
HORN CONTINUES TO HONK Sir.
HONKING AND ENGINE STOP He's dead.
SEBASTIAN:So the butler gave this to Fitzallan, who looked furious and couldn't wait to get rid of it.
"Berkeley don't be a" Don't be a what? Do you think it's a threat? Well, he's dead.
PHONE RINGS Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators.
That's right.
Yes, I did.
Really? Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There must have been some sort of misunderstanding on our part.
Thanks for calling.
Goodbye.
Flaming Falstaffs, the plot thickens! That was Sir Alfred McArthur's PA.
Absolutely horrified at the mere suggestion that Gerald Fitzallan was looking for another job.
Why?He's been dead for four years.
SHE GASPS Every time something bad happens, you two turn up.
And yes, we already realised Gerald Fitzallan is not who he said he was.
It was pretty obvious, actually.
Oh, really? How? Oh, it's an ongoing investigation.
I can't divulge.
So, you do think there was foul play though? You know, like he'd taken something, or maybe he was poisoned.
Poisoned.
Poisoned by what? Well, there's hemlock growing all over the place, for a start.
Hemlock? Really? What about a sprinkle of baboon's blood? A little bit lizard's leg? I mean, seriously.
Come on.
Ah!Oh, no.
It's gone all over my paperwork! Shakespeare, you're so clumsy at times!Stop it.
Just leave it.
You missed a marshmallow there.
Just get out.
Did you get it? Hiya.
What's going on here? Terrible news about Fitzallan, the chairman has just been down.
Lady M has decided to cancel the eviction notice.
So, we're back in business! That is fantastic news.
Oh, well, you won't be needing us any longer.
Oh, look, sorry about that, chaps.
Thanks to all of you've done, and you send us the bill, yeah?Yes.
Oh, and do take this.
Oh.
Oh, wow!And this is? Kale.
Kale?! Oh, it's Yeah.
Very, very, very tasty.
It's my favourite, actually.
It's mine, too.
Well, it is a superfood.
Yes.
Superfood.
Well, cheerio.
I'll send you the invoice.
Thank you.
Hang on.
Just one thing, does the name Richard Rathbone mean anything to you? Can't say it does.
Me neither.
Should we know him? No, no.
It's just an idea I had.
It's Well, I'm glad it's all worked out, so good luck.
Thank you.
Oh, wait, wait.
How are you at poker? We're just going to start a new hand.
I mean, I'm all right.
I couldgive it a go.
KNOCKS ON DOOR Come in! Can I interrupt?Oh!Hello.
I just wanted to see you all in person to apologise for the events of recent months.
I've been such a fool, and I'm so very sorry.
Oh, there's no need.
And I've just been told some shocking news.
Do sit down, please.
Yes, please.
Fred, make way for Her Ladyship, would you? That's a good man.
Righty-o.
You're so kind.
I've just had a visit from the police.
Mr Fitzallan was apparently a criminal, some sort of thief.
The scoundrel! It makes sense.
Went by the name of Richard Rathbone.
I just, I can't believe I was taken in by him.
Outrageous.
Did you really have no idea? Not a jot.
Oh, my darling Charlie had just passed away.
No, it's just that he said, didn't he, that he'd worked for Sir McArthur for quite some years, I thought you might have checked his references.
I'm afraid he caught me at a very vulnerable time of my life, and obviously I didn't have my wits about me.
I just took him at his word.
A con man.
None of this is any of your fault, Your Ladyship, and I don't think we should continue asking for any further explanation.
Must have been a terrible shock.
It certainly was.
But I'm just sorry that it's created these divisions between us all.
I know, Lady M.
Why don't you join us? We're about to start a new hand.
Mm!Really? What, after everything that's happened? You're so kind.
Well, that'd be lovely.
Shall I deal?Would you? 20p a hand.
It's a bit rich for my blood, but OK, then.
So, how are you feeling, Lady Mortimer, after your revelation? Dolly knew.
Didn't you, old thing? Hm? Had him down as a bounder right from the start.
Did you, Dolly? Well, I thought of it, yes.
I'm in, and I raise you ten.
ALL: Ooh! I'm in.
Well, then, I'm in.
Oh, go on, then.
The stakes are high.
Oh, hang on.
Two aces and two kings.
That's a thing, right? Ah, I'm kidding! This is such good fun.
It's just like the old times.
If you don't mind me saying so, Your Ladyship, you seem to be a bit of a pro with the deck, there.
Misspent youth, I'm afraid.
My father was a very keen gambler.
He used to frequent the Cavendish Casino.
Ma'am.
DOOR OPENS No need to be alarmed, Lady Mortimer.
Some new information has come to light regarding Mr Fitzallan's death.
The deceased imbibed a special brew before he left the house.
I understand you made a basket of your speciality teas on the morning of his death, Mrs Tearsheet, or should I say Professor Tearsheet.
Well, I Actually, I prefer Dolly.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
It was a present from all of us.
Well, we found Conium maculatum in his blood.
Having spent your entire career as a clinical biologist, perhaps you could tell us all what that's more commonly known as.
Yes, yes, of course.
It's hemlock.
Someone's done the blighter in! Is that what you're driving at? Dorothy Tearsheet, I'm arresting you for the murder of Richard Rathbone, AKA Gerald Fitzallan.
Me? I've done nothing wrong.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court.
Oh, Frank! Lu, you've got to help me, please.
Surely there's been some mistake.
Chin up, Dolly.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
You're hired! Again.
Some articles from that robbery he was involved with.
"From Gold Bars To Behind Bars.
Bungling thieves "try to steal �80 million, but are nicked red-handed!" Ah! This is that massive bullion raid in London.
I remember this.
Yeah, they got caught in the back alley loading the van, CCTV had them bang to rights.
The police received an anonymous tip-off and four of the men were actually arrested still in the vault.
Our friend Richard Rathbone, AKA Richie Fingers, was the leader of the gang.
No! Listen to this, "Scotland Yard believe that an accomplice managed "to get away with 15 million.
" The vault was in Berkley Square.
Oh, the letter, "Berkeley, don't be a" What? Don't be a square? Someone was onto Richard Rathbone, knew his true identity.
And was trying to blackmail him.
Yeah, but why kill him if he's trying to extort money out of him? Must've been someone who had connections with the haul.
But who? I've been doing somedigging about the pensioners, background stuff.
And the only one with a blot is the major.
No! The major?! But he's like He's a real gent.
He's proper old-school.
Yes.
Impeccable manners for someone who was kicked out of the army for theft.
No! Ah, are we saying that we think he might be our fifth man? HE SCREAMS, LAUGHS I didn't hear a thing.
Very clever.
You must move like a pincer unit! Hello, Major.
Or should I say "Sergeant Major"? Well, we were just trying to supplement our pensions.
Dolly would brew up some herbal teas and tinctures and we'd sell it at the local health food shop.
Any particular kind ofherb? Yeah.
You know, any "special blends"? What are you driving at? I think you know what we're talking about.
Ooh, you're talking about cannabis! Good grief! Absolutely not! Oh, right.
Well, then, what was in those special brownies that Dolly gave us yesterday? Cos Frank was off his face.
Cinnamon, cardamom, capsicum pods, maybe a sprinkle of ginger root.
All totally harmless.
You idiot.
Well, maybe the power of suggestion.
Yes.
The power of suggestion! Look, ifit was all legit, why the cloak and dagger? Well, we were afraid of breaking the covenant.
Look, these allotments were only ever for the sustenance of the people of the village.
Well, we thought that if that darn Fitzallan, or whatever his name is, ever got wind of the fact that we were making a bit of profit on the side, well, perfect opportunity to throw us off.
Can I just ask?Hm! Why did you get a dishonourable discharge from the Army? One of my rookies never paid attention.
He accidentally shot himself and ended up in a wheelchair with his mother having to spoon-feed him.
Well, she was on her own I tried to help out.
I raided the stores.
You know, tins of ham, salmon Well, whatever could be sent through the post.
Sounds like you did everything he could to help them.
Thank you, my dear.
Dolly Tearsheet did not kill that man.
She's a wonderful person.
All she's ever wanted to do is heal people.
Not harm them! Is that a new shirt? Another one? No.
I think Lady Mortimer has a prior appointment, but I will check.
Please make yourselves comfortable.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, this is the life, isn't it, eh? Do I suit it? Yeah? Private school and ponies, marrying a lord.
Some people have all the luck, don't they? Yeah, but Sebastian says she's got her own business, made her own money.
Listen, "The lovely Tatiana Gervais, "much-in-demand interior designer to the rich and famous, "declares business will now take a back-seat "as she devotes more time to her numerous charities "and cultivating the country estate of her new husband, "the ebullient raconteur, Lord Charles Mortimer.
" Hello.
I'm afraid I can't stop.
I'm hosting a charity brunch in town.
But have you been able to find anything that could help dear old Dolly?I'm afraid not.
I've left instructions with my accountant to pay all her legal fees.
That is so very generous of you, Your Ladyship.
The least I can do.
The allotments have been a godsend to the estate in boom and bust.
I can't tell you how much turnip soup we've had.
Turnips.
Love turnips.
And feel free to talk to any of the staff.
One feels such a fool being taken in by the likes of Richie Fingers.
Please, just tell Chamberlain if you need anything.
Ah, well, thank you.
Thank you.
WHISPERS:Well, what do you make of that? Oh, paying for Dolly's defence team? She is a lady through and through.
No, I mean, using the name Richie Fingers.
Why would she use his nickname? CHAMBERLAIN CLEARS THROA Ah, I wonder if you could help us.
Can you remember any events leading up to Mr Fitzallan's death? Most certainly.
And let us hope this whole sordid business can be put to bed as soon as possible.
Ardenwicke has never been tainted by scandal.
I just thank goodness that our dearly beloved Lord Charlie isn't here to see it.
So Richie Rathbone gets released from prison and the first thing he does is target the estate.
Why? Because he thinks the mysterious fifth man's hiding there.
With his share of the gold.
Yes.
15 million hidden or buried .
.
Under the allotments.
That's why he wanted them off it.
But hang on.
The allotments have been there forever.
Yeah.
And if you had like 40 acres to play with .
.
Why not bury it in the woods? Where no-one could see you coming or going.
Ooh, Frank, look at this.
Next door to the vaults.
HE CLEARS THROA SEBASTIAN WARMS UP VOICE "The daring ambush started when thieves entered "the bombproof safe via the cellar of the building next door, "the legendary Cavendish Casino.
" Didn't Her Ladyship's dad use to gamble there?Yeah.
Did I ever tell you about this job I had in a salon on a cruise ship? It was when I'd first finished training.
Where's this going? Right.
So every night I used to sneak up to the roulette tables to watch this Spanish croupier that I'd fallen in love with, Pedro.
Ay, si, Pedro.
Por favor! Donde estan los banos publicos? Mm.
Um, yeah.
Anyway, he offered to teach me how to How to deal the cards.
And I wasn't very good at it, I was all fingers and thumbs.
But, apparently, it takes years of practice.
And did you see how slick Lady M was? Well, her dad used to let her shuffle the pack when she was a kid.
No, no.
This was different.
It was like a professional move.
She kept turning her palms up.
It's to show that you're not hiding any cards up your sleeve.
So, do you think she worked at the casino? I mean, do you think that's a career choice for someone who went to the top ladies' college in the country?That's a point.
Not traditionally a profession for a privately educated young lady.
Unless maybe she never even went to the college.
No, no record of Tatiana Gervais.
Well, maybe, she had a different name back then.
Well, the school secretary's been here since the '70s and she seems really confident that there's never been a Tatiana.
It's not a very common name thatMaybe one of her schoolmates knows something.
I don't know, something just doesn't add up.
Do you really think Lady M killed Fitzallan? I mean, she'd just pay someone to do it, wouldn't she? Rich people never get their own hands dirty.
And why pay the bill for Dolly Tearsheet's lawyers when she could just let her take the blame? Frank.
Look at that.
Yeah, so, a couple of things have come to light and we just wanted to chat to you about them, actually.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Tea?No.
No, no.
No way.
Thanks, anyway.
Will that be all, ma'am?No.
Could you tell Pecksmith to make sure that Nugget has an extra blanket? They say we're heading for quite a cold snap.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Uh, the thing is, Lady Mortimer, we've been making some enquiries and we We think that you poisoned Richie Fingers.
I did? But why? Well, because you were part of the Berkley Square bullion raid.
How exciting! In what way? Oh, you were working in the casino as a croupier next door.
You got embroiled with Richie Fingers, he got banged up, you got away, soon as he was released, he came to find you to blackmail you.
Or maybe just to get his gold.
And you had to get rid of him.
So, you poisoned him in his tea.
I did what? And you're not a Lady.
How dare you!I mean Yes, you're a lady.
I mean, we know that you weren't BORN a Lady.
You were born as Tracy Jarvis, the school blacksmith's daughter, and you were just passing yourself off as a student, which is HE YELLS Hang on! No, wait, wait! Wait! Ow!Oh, no! No, don't! She's locked it.
It's locked.
HE MOANS Chamberlain! Chamberlain! HE KNOCKS ON DOOR Oh, come on, Sebastian! What are you doing? I'm just seeing if there's a secret passage.
We're going to have to call the police.
Keeler's going to have a field day.
She could be miles away by now.
Nah, there's something she won't want to leave behind.
Like what? Millions of pounds in gold bars? No, something far more precious than that.
What's that, then? Ah, I wouldn't bother, the police on the way.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Thank you for everything.
That'll be all.
No, no, ma'am, that will not be all.
I am here to serve you, ma'am, in whatever capacity it takes for as long as you need me.
So, it was actually a fifth woman the police had to find.
You sat in the getaway van, waited till it was full and drove off.
And then you grassed them up, and Rathbone found out.
So, eventually, he tracked you down, and you had to get rid of him.
No.
Yes.
And I'm afraid you will now be going to prison for a long time.
Murder, robbery.
Murder, no.
You're right.
I was involved in the raid.
I was a croupier at the Cavendish.
I didn't realise the seriousness.
I know it sounds stupid, but he was my first love.
I was swept away.
When I lost my nerve, then he was onto me.
He said I knew too much.
Are you saying he made you go along with it? You took a nice little slice Well, a huge slice for yourself.
It was too tempting.
A fresh start .
.
chance to be accepted.
What, by all the posh girls that you actually never went to school with? We paid a visit to Dunsinane Ladies' College.
Actually, I did go.
On a scholarship.
My father was thrilled, I hated it.
I was bullied the whole time.
I never fit in except with the horses.
They were quite happy for me to take all the trophies, but then I was back to plain old Tracy Tap-Tap.
The noise from the smithy.
My father taught me how to make the shoes.
And how to smelt down the gold bullion.
And then I met Charlie.
It was like a dream.
With his contacts, we were able to do amazing things with the money.
I mean, I tried not to just squander it.
And then Richie Fingers showed up and spoilt the party? In this house, the staff, the running costs, all the gold had virtually gone.
I mean, I told him I'd buried it under the allotments.
I was praying the covenant would buy me some time.
Until you could kill him.
No, I didn't.
I swear.
Oh, come on.
You've confessed to everything else.
You have the perfect motive.
Who else would want him dead? Right, then.
What's going on? We think we have enough evidence to prove that Lady Mortimer Tatiana Gervais.
Tracey Jarvis.
Who? Her.
Me.
What? I did it.
QUIETLY: Oh, it's the butler, it's always the butler.
Hang on a minute.
Are you saying you killed Rathbone now? Chamberlain? I knew everything about the bullion raid, ma'am.
I've always known.
But you loved Lord Charlie.
You loved all of us, and your money, however you got it, saved the Hall.
I saw that you were a good person.
When Fitzallan turned up, it was obvious he was a bad lot.
So, it was you who sent the anonymous letter.
I hoped it would frighten him off.
And when it didn't, that's when you poisoned the tea.
Why does everyone think it was the tea? It wasn't the tea, it was the whisky! He was always helping himself to Lord Charlie's malt.
A case of Glenmoran, 1951.
There are only 200 bottles left in the world.
Ah, so you started to replace it with the cheap stuff.
He couldn't tell the difference.
Uncouth! He was the only person who ever touched it.
I could guarantee.
I couldn't let him hurt the most kind and wonderful lady I have ever met.
All right, then, arrest and caution them both.
I'll see you two back at the station.
You're welcome.
Nugget.
Will you make sure he's looked after? Nugget! I get it.
I was thinking chickens.
Oh, come on.
Hello.
Oh.
I wonder, you haven't got any more of that back remedy, have you? YesVery sad about Lady M.
But we're all going to put in excellent character references.
Yeah, I keep wondering who's going to look after the Hall if she goes to prison.
It might be held in a trust to revert back to the people in the village.
But I'd just like to say thank you to you all for all your hard work.
It's all part of the service.
Ah! Ah, yes.
This whole debacle.
Dolly and I realise that we are not getting any younger.
Eh? Aw.
You wanted to grow old together.
Oh, this is for you.
Not some more of those amazing brownies?Oh, yes.
Oh, it's kale, Frank! Oh, your absolute favourite! Oh, that is great.
He's chuffed.
My favourite It's
Lucky blighter! THEY LAUGH Come on, Major, you're far too handsome to be a wallflower.
I know, Your Ladyship.
My looks are a curse.
Oh, no, Charlie.
SHE LAUGHS Don't tell me you've nodded off.
You'd better hit the dance floor, your wife is being swamped by admirers.
Oh, Charlie? Charlie? Charlie? Darling, wake up, please.
Charlie.
Oh, no.
BELLS CHIME A wonderful service, ma'am.
Very fitting.
I'll fetch you a pot of tea, shall I? Unless you prefer something stronger.
Thank you, Chamberlain, tea will be fine.
And thank you all for your kindness over the last few days.
We knew this was comi I know Lord Charlie thought the world of you, as do I.
At last, the magnificent Lady Mortimer.
I've heard so much about you.
What the hell are you doing here? Mm.
MUSIC: Different Forces by Phantom Horse A load of pensioners being turfed off their allotments.
Not exactly the French Connection, is it? SHE LAUGHS THUDDING, THEY SCREAM Ooh!Where did he come from? I didn't see a thing! I Just he came out of nowhere.
It just Ah, Frank! Oh, God, I can't even look.
I can't look.
Is he all right? Well, he's quite well dressed for a crash test dummy.
Oh, my! I just, I thought he was You think you can scare me with some ridiculous, stupid voodoo doll? What's all that? LAUGHTER A bit of fun.
Isn't that Viola's?Yeah.
Ooh! What? What is it now? It's my sciatica.
That's your bad driving, that, I should put a claim in.
Look, old chap, we've said before and I'll say it again, we have no beef with Her Ladyship.
Then get off her land! We don't understand why you can't build elsewhere.
The villagers have been allowed to grow on this land for generations.
The covenant cannot be broken.
Whatever, you've had a good run.
Now, get lost before your luck runs out.
Uh, sir.
I would have to ask you to stop making threats.
Threats, they're promises.
Mr Fitzallan, if you continue, I'm going to have to place you under arrest.
Me?! HE LAUGHS Me?! I'm not the one doing anything illegal.
Am I, boys and girls? It's not just old rosemary and thyme getting boxed up in that shed, is it? THEY LAUGH, HE CLICKS TONGUE Something should be done about him! Well, I know how I'd like to deal with him.
Darn ruffian.
I just don't know what you think we can do to stop this eviction.
Oh, Viola speaks so highly of you.
We need you to dig up a bit of dirt? Have you got none of your own? SHE LAUGHS There is something a bit off about this new estate manager, Fitzallan.
He seems to be pulling Lady M's strings.
Yes.
She was our greatest supporter until he came on the scene.
Literally turned up on the very day of Lord Charlie's funeral a few months ago, been causing ructions ever since.
Well, come in.
Come in.
But things were civil with Her Ladyship before that, were they? Oh, yes.
We were great friends.
We used to get up to all sorts up at the Hall.
Balls.
Musical events.
Garden parties.
Oh, yes, she used to come and play poker here in the clubhouse at least once a week.
Wonderful woman.
But since this eviction notice, we've tried to talk to her, but Chamberlain keeps fobbing us off.
Chamberlain?Yeah, the butler.
Fitzallan seems to have him wrapped round his little finger, too.
We just don't know how we got to this.
Steady on, old girl, she'll come through.
Mm.
We just need to get that blasted Fitzallan off the scene.
Do you think there could be something going on between the two of them? Maybe a little romance.
No, no, no.
Not her type at all.
He's a right rum sort.
Yeah, no, he is He's quite handsome, isn't he? Quite alpha-male.
A little air of danger about him, isn't there? So I'm just saying, you know, it's like Lady Chatterley's Lover, it happens, doesn't it? It is possible.
She does seem completely spellbound by him.
Well, seeing as we're here, we might as well take a look around.
Oh, could we just have a cuppa before webefore westart? Yes, yes, of course.
Oh.
You couldn't put some semi-skimmed in that, could you? You can't put milk in one of Dolly's combobulations, old chap! Ah.
Oh, smells lovely.
What's in it? Oh, today's speciality is ginger, turmeric and arrowroot.
It's especially good for warming your cockles.
Oh, my cockles are nice and snug as they are, thank you very much.
Oh, do sit down, old chap! Yeah, I'd love to.
I'm having a bit of nerve trouble, you know? Oh.
So, you were given three months' notice to get off the land? We were given the notice a while back.
We didn't think Lady M would go through with it.
How long have you? Ow! Ooh.
How long have you got? 25 hours and approximately 33 minutes.
HE GROANS Oh, it's not that bad, Frank.
I'm sure we can do something.
Oh.
It's my sciatica.
Dolly, don't you think it's about time that we gave him one of your magic potions? Oh, yeah.
Um Rub this into the affected area four times a day.
No, I'm fine, thanks.
No, no, no.
It's purely herbal.
It'll do you no harm.
Oh, go on.
You might as well give it a go.
Might stop you doing all those weird grunting noises.
What do you mean? HE GRUNTS I'm so sorry.
Oh! What's in here, then? Nothing, old chap.
Just a lock-up for tools.
Lots of chains.
Well, can't be too careful.
SHE GASPS Oh, don't go near those plants.
Oh, sorry.
I'm trampling all over your flowers.
Oh, no, don't be sorry.
It's hemlock.
It grows wild all over the estate.
Place is crawling with it.
Well, off you go.
See you.
Bye.
IN AMERICAN ACCENT:Hey, dude, I think I know what's in the lock-up.
Just get in the car.
Oh, there must be some aspirin in here somewhere.
It's like Pirates of the Caribbean, isn't it? I was going to say the First Folio.
Yes.
I love a good bodice-ripper.
Is that the one where the Argentinian polo player hypnotises all the rich wives with his big gold fob? No such thing.
It is an unutterably important early compilation of the Bard's seminal works.
Sorry.
Bet this gives me a rash.
HE GROANS What was it me mam used to say? "Oh, Francis, your skin, as delicate as a newborn angel's tears.
" HE CLEARS THROA IN POSH ACCENT:"I, Baron Mortimer of Arden, in this year, 1741, "do hereby grant, in perpetuity, farming land for the sustenance "and fortification of the peoples of Ardenwicke "and their issue and their issue's issue.
" Bless you.
This covenant has stood for nearly 300 years.
Yeah, we've had a solicitor look over it.
Apparently, it's just an expression of wishes, but it could stand up in court.
Yeah, but they haven't got the money to fight it.
Right, look at this.
This red outline is the allotments.
Now, planning permission for a wedding venue was granted three years ago.
But what I don't understand is why build it smack bang in the middle of the allotments when you got 38 acres to play with? That is the question.
I went online to the council's planning portal.
Now, Lord Charlie originally asked for it to be built here, right beside the lake.
Beautiful mooring for a gondola.
Oh, yeah.
Dreamy, yeah.
The bride sailing off in a boat, the groom waiting on the end of the pier to sweep her up in his big, manly arms and then rip her Just rip her off, actually, for every penny she's got.
Where did you get married, Frank? Registry office.
Well, no, it was closed for a refurb, so they moved us to this temporary Portakabin in the car park, and it rained.
Well, I say it rained, it was more like hail.
Mm, I can see you're impressed.
Don't worry, wasn't as romantic as it sounds.
Anyway, do we know anything else about Fitzallan? I mean, it seems weird that he showed up out of the blue and started shouting the odds.
Haven't found so much as a parking ticket.
Now, he did work as the house and estate manager for Sir Alfred McArthur for 17 years.
I'm just waiting for Sir Alfred's PA to get back to me with a reference.
But the really strange thing is no-one has requested any modifications to the original planning consent.
You can't just move an entire structure, even on your own land.
Hang on, are we saying that, at this precise moment in time, there is no planning application to build anything on the allotments? What's the hurry to demolish it, then? Ah.
Maybe they were growing something they shouldn't.
We need to find out what's going on.
That's where you come in, young Sebastian.
Here we go.
Allotments, dirt, cheek-by-jowl with a load of soggy old cabbages.
Au contraire.
A nice, cosy job by the fireside.
"By the fireside," he said, not IN it! Don't touch those!Beg your pardon.
It's just I mean, Her Ladyship has such fabulous bone structure.
Help me with this rug, will you? So, the Lord and Lady do a lot for charity? Oh, His Lordship is no longer with us, but he devoted his life to good works.
Her Ladyship continues.
Hospitals, orphanages.
She's even started a retirement home for old racehorses.
Ah, how wonderful! Still, I suppose it's easy to give it all away when you're born into it.
Not Lady M.
She made her own money.
Sold her business for millions.
Argh! Chamberlain! Ah! An unforgivable oversight.
I'll refill it straight away.
I know how much you appreciate His Lordship's vintage malt.
What's all this mess?The chimney, the sweep reckons there's a dead pigeon stuck up there.
Superstitious chap says it's a bad omen.
Oh, dear.
One rather hoped my run of rotten luck was coming to an end.
I'm taking Nugget out, Chamberlain.
My poor darling is finally over his nasty cough.
Call Pecksmith, please.
Tell him to saddle up.
Most certainly.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Oh, how remiss of me.
HE CLEARS THROA This came for you this morning.
Ah! Flaming Nora! "Berkeley, don't be a" Don't be a what? Cheapskate.
There we go.
Oh, thanks.
Are you feeling all right? All dressed up and in a good mood, will the real Frank Hathaway please step forward? Did that potion cure you? Well, might have helped a bit, yeah.
I've just made some hawthorn and sage tea.
And perhaps you'd like to try some of my extra special chocolate brownies? BOTH: Ooh!Why not? Be a shame not to, wouldn't it? Thanks.
There you go.
That's a "turnip" for the books.
You get it.
"Turnip", "turn-up".
Never mind.
Would you take that up to the Hall? Righty-o.
It's a gift box for Lady M, a sort of last-minute peace offering from all of us.
I don't suppose it'll make any difference, though.
We've only got three hours till the eviction.
Have you made any progress? What, about Gerald Fitzallan? No.
No, not yet.
But we do have a man on the inside.
He might have some information.
I'll give him a call.
Listen up, everybody.
We are staring into the abyss.
And it looks like we'll be implementing Operation Oregano! THEY CHEER Oh.
PHONE VIBRATES Mr Fitzallan, I really think you should put the brakes on.
Brakes.
Oh, no.
HE LAUGHS Lady M, I'm not waiting any longer.
One of Mrs Tearsheet's new camomile concoctions from the gift basket.
You should try some, Mr Fitzallan.
Very good for your equilibrium.
Somebody told me the allotment holders have hired private investigators.
Who knows what they may find out about the covenant.
Your tea.
Thank you.
I spoke to my lawyers this morning.
I'm afraid we may have to grant them a stay of execution, a further 90 days.
Three more months?! No.
I said I'll get rid of them today, and I will.
What are you doing? Taking care of business.
That's for you.
That's for you.
We all look better, obviously, if we stand as one.
ALL CHANT: Plants, not profits! Well, give it a bit of welly! Oi! Rip Van Winkle, how many of those of you had? Oh, man, you're such a buzzkill.
It's just great to be alive PHONE RINGS .
.
isn't it, eh? Free from pain.
You.
Oh, Sebastian.
Hello.
Sebastian!What?! ALL CHANT: Plants, not profits! Oh, my Plants, not profits!No, stop! I said stop!Plants, not profits! I'm ordering you to stop! Viola, what are you doing? Get out of the way! HORN HONKS Sir, turn your engine off.
HORN CONTINUES TO HONK Sir.
HONKING AND ENGINE STOP He's dead.
SEBASTIAN:So the butler gave this to Fitzallan, who looked furious and couldn't wait to get rid of it.
"Berkeley don't be a" Don't be a what? Do you think it's a threat? Well, he's dead.
PHONE RINGS Shakespeare and Hathaway, Private Investigators.
That's right.
Yes, I did.
Really? Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.
There must have been some sort of misunderstanding on our part.
Thanks for calling.
Goodbye.
Flaming Falstaffs, the plot thickens! That was Sir Alfred McArthur's PA.
Absolutely horrified at the mere suggestion that Gerald Fitzallan was looking for another job.
Why?He's been dead for four years.
SHE GASPS Every time something bad happens, you two turn up.
And yes, we already realised Gerald Fitzallan is not who he said he was.
It was pretty obvious, actually.
Oh, really? How? Oh, it's an ongoing investigation.
I can't divulge.
So, you do think there was foul play though? You know, like he'd taken something, or maybe he was poisoned.
Poisoned.
Poisoned by what? Well, there's hemlock growing all over the place, for a start.
Hemlock? Really? What about a sprinkle of baboon's blood? A little bit lizard's leg? I mean, seriously.
Come on.
Ah!Oh, no.
It's gone all over my paperwork! Shakespeare, you're so clumsy at times!Stop it.
Just leave it.
You missed a marshmallow there.
Just get out.
Did you get it? Hiya.
What's going on here? Terrible news about Fitzallan, the chairman has just been down.
Lady M has decided to cancel the eviction notice.
So, we're back in business! That is fantastic news.
Oh, well, you won't be needing us any longer.
Oh, look, sorry about that, chaps.
Thanks to all of you've done, and you send us the bill, yeah?Yes.
Oh, and do take this.
Oh.
Oh, wow!And this is? Kale.
Kale?! Oh, it's Yeah.
Very, very, very tasty.
It's my favourite, actually.
It's mine, too.
Well, it is a superfood.
Yes.
Superfood.
Well, cheerio.
I'll send you the invoice.
Thank you.
Hang on.
Just one thing, does the name Richard Rathbone mean anything to you? Can't say it does.
Me neither.
Should we know him? No, no.
It's just an idea I had.
It's Well, I'm glad it's all worked out, so good luck.
Thank you.
Oh, wait, wait.
How are you at poker? We're just going to start a new hand.
I mean, I'm all right.
I couldgive it a go.
KNOCKS ON DOOR Come in! Can I interrupt?Oh!Hello.
I just wanted to see you all in person to apologise for the events of recent months.
I've been such a fool, and I'm so very sorry.
Oh, there's no need.
And I've just been told some shocking news.
Do sit down, please.
Yes, please.
Fred, make way for Her Ladyship, would you? That's a good man.
Righty-o.
You're so kind.
I've just had a visit from the police.
Mr Fitzallan was apparently a criminal, some sort of thief.
The scoundrel! It makes sense.
Went by the name of Richard Rathbone.
I just, I can't believe I was taken in by him.
Outrageous.
Did you really have no idea? Not a jot.
Oh, my darling Charlie had just passed away.
No, it's just that he said, didn't he, that he'd worked for Sir McArthur for quite some years, I thought you might have checked his references.
I'm afraid he caught me at a very vulnerable time of my life, and obviously I didn't have my wits about me.
I just took him at his word.
A con man.
None of this is any of your fault, Your Ladyship, and I don't think we should continue asking for any further explanation.
Must have been a terrible shock.
It certainly was.
But I'm just sorry that it's created these divisions between us all.
I know, Lady M.
Why don't you join us? We're about to start a new hand.
Mm!Really? What, after everything that's happened? You're so kind.
Well, that'd be lovely.
Shall I deal?Would you? 20p a hand.
It's a bit rich for my blood, but OK, then.
So, how are you feeling, Lady Mortimer, after your revelation? Dolly knew.
Didn't you, old thing? Hm? Had him down as a bounder right from the start.
Did you, Dolly? Well, I thought of it, yes.
I'm in, and I raise you ten.
ALL: Ooh! I'm in.
Well, then, I'm in.
Oh, go on, then.
The stakes are high.
Oh, hang on.
Two aces and two kings.
That's a thing, right? Ah, I'm kidding! This is such good fun.
It's just like the old times.
If you don't mind me saying so, Your Ladyship, you seem to be a bit of a pro with the deck, there.
Misspent youth, I'm afraid.
My father was a very keen gambler.
He used to frequent the Cavendish Casino.
Ma'am.
DOOR OPENS No need to be alarmed, Lady Mortimer.
Some new information has come to light regarding Mr Fitzallan's death.
The deceased imbibed a special brew before he left the house.
I understand you made a basket of your speciality teas on the morning of his death, Mrs Tearsheet, or should I say Professor Tearsheet.
Well, I Actually, I prefer Dolly.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
It was a present from all of us.
Well, we found Conium maculatum in his blood.
Having spent your entire career as a clinical biologist, perhaps you could tell us all what that's more commonly known as.
Yes, yes, of course.
It's hemlock.
Someone's done the blighter in! Is that what you're driving at? Dorothy Tearsheet, I'm arresting you for the murder of Richard Rathbone, AKA Gerald Fitzallan.
Me? I've done nothing wrong.
You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something you later rely on in court.
Oh, Frank! Lu, you've got to help me, please.
Surely there's been some mistake.
Chin up, Dolly.
We'll get to the bottom of this.
You're hired! Again.
Some articles from that robbery he was involved with.
"From Gold Bars To Behind Bars.
Bungling thieves "try to steal �80 million, but are nicked red-handed!" Ah! This is that massive bullion raid in London.
I remember this.
Yeah, they got caught in the back alley loading the van, CCTV had them bang to rights.
The police received an anonymous tip-off and four of the men were actually arrested still in the vault.
Our friend Richard Rathbone, AKA Richie Fingers, was the leader of the gang.
No! Listen to this, "Scotland Yard believe that an accomplice managed "to get away with 15 million.
" The vault was in Berkley Square.
Oh, the letter, "Berkeley, don't be a" What? Don't be a square? Someone was onto Richard Rathbone, knew his true identity.
And was trying to blackmail him.
Yeah, but why kill him if he's trying to extort money out of him? Must've been someone who had connections with the haul.
But who? I've been doing somedigging about the pensioners, background stuff.
And the only one with a blot is the major.
No! The major?! But he's like He's a real gent.
He's proper old-school.
Yes.
Impeccable manners for someone who was kicked out of the army for theft.
No! Ah, are we saying that we think he might be our fifth man? HE SCREAMS, LAUGHS I didn't hear a thing.
Very clever.
You must move like a pincer unit! Hello, Major.
Or should I say "Sergeant Major"? Well, we were just trying to supplement our pensions.
Dolly would brew up some herbal teas and tinctures and we'd sell it at the local health food shop.
Any particular kind ofherb? Yeah.
You know, any "special blends"? What are you driving at? I think you know what we're talking about.
Ooh, you're talking about cannabis! Good grief! Absolutely not! Oh, right.
Well, then, what was in those special brownies that Dolly gave us yesterday? Cos Frank was off his face.
Cinnamon, cardamom, capsicum pods, maybe a sprinkle of ginger root.
All totally harmless.
You idiot.
Well, maybe the power of suggestion.
Yes.
The power of suggestion! Look, ifit was all legit, why the cloak and dagger? Well, we were afraid of breaking the covenant.
Look, these allotments were only ever for the sustenance of the people of the village.
Well, we thought that if that darn Fitzallan, or whatever his name is, ever got wind of the fact that we were making a bit of profit on the side, well, perfect opportunity to throw us off.
Can I just ask?Hm! Why did you get a dishonourable discharge from the Army? One of my rookies never paid attention.
He accidentally shot himself and ended up in a wheelchair with his mother having to spoon-feed him.
Well, she was on her own I tried to help out.
I raided the stores.
You know, tins of ham, salmon Well, whatever could be sent through the post.
Sounds like you did everything he could to help them.
Thank you, my dear.
Dolly Tearsheet did not kill that man.
She's a wonderful person.
All she's ever wanted to do is heal people.
Not harm them! Is that a new shirt? Another one? No.
I think Lady Mortimer has a prior appointment, but I will check.
Please make yourselves comfortable.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, this is the life, isn't it, eh? Do I suit it? Yeah? Private school and ponies, marrying a lord.
Some people have all the luck, don't they? Yeah, but Sebastian says she's got her own business, made her own money.
Listen, "The lovely Tatiana Gervais, "much-in-demand interior designer to the rich and famous, "declares business will now take a back-seat "as she devotes more time to her numerous charities "and cultivating the country estate of her new husband, "the ebullient raconteur, Lord Charles Mortimer.
" Hello.
I'm afraid I can't stop.
I'm hosting a charity brunch in town.
But have you been able to find anything that could help dear old Dolly?I'm afraid not.
I've left instructions with my accountant to pay all her legal fees.
That is so very generous of you, Your Ladyship.
The least I can do.
The allotments have been a godsend to the estate in boom and bust.
I can't tell you how much turnip soup we've had.
Turnips.
Love turnips.
And feel free to talk to any of the staff.
One feels such a fool being taken in by the likes of Richie Fingers.
Please, just tell Chamberlain if you need anything.
Ah, well, thank you.
Thank you.
WHISPERS:Well, what do you make of that? Oh, paying for Dolly's defence team? She is a lady through and through.
No, I mean, using the name Richie Fingers.
Why would she use his nickname? CHAMBERLAIN CLEARS THROA Ah, I wonder if you could help us.
Can you remember any events leading up to Mr Fitzallan's death? Most certainly.
And let us hope this whole sordid business can be put to bed as soon as possible.
Ardenwicke has never been tainted by scandal.
I just thank goodness that our dearly beloved Lord Charlie isn't here to see it.
So Richie Rathbone gets released from prison and the first thing he does is target the estate.
Why? Because he thinks the mysterious fifth man's hiding there.
With his share of the gold.
Yes.
15 million hidden or buried .
.
Under the allotments.
That's why he wanted them off it.
But hang on.
The allotments have been there forever.
Yeah.
And if you had like 40 acres to play with .
.
Why not bury it in the woods? Where no-one could see you coming or going.
Ooh, Frank, look at this.
Next door to the vaults.
HE CLEARS THROA SEBASTIAN WARMS UP VOICE "The daring ambush started when thieves entered "the bombproof safe via the cellar of the building next door, "the legendary Cavendish Casino.
" Didn't Her Ladyship's dad use to gamble there?Yeah.
Did I ever tell you about this job I had in a salon on a cruise ship? It was when I'd first finished training.
Where's this going? Right.
So every night I used to sneak up to the roulette tables to watch this Spanish croupier that I'd fallen in love with, Pedro.
Ay, si, Pedro.
Por favor! Donde estan los banos publicos? Mm.
Um, yeah.
Anyway, he offered to teach me how to How to deal the cards.
And I wasn't very good at it, I was all fingers and thumbs.
But, apparently, it takes years of practice.
And did you see how slick Lady M was? Well, her dad used to let her shuffle the pack when she was a kid.
No, no.
This was different.
It was like a professional move.
She kept turning her palms up.
It's to show that you're not hiding any cards up your sleeve.
So, do you think she worked at the casino? I mean, do you think that's a career choice for someone who went to the top ladies' college in the country?That's a point.
Not traditionally a profession for a privately educated young lady.
Unless maybe she never even went to the college.
No, no record of Tatiana Gervais.
Well, maybe, she had a different name back then.
Well, the school secretary's been here since the '70s and she seems really confident that there's never been a Tatiana.
It's not a very common name thatMaybe one of her schoolmates knows something.
I don't know, something just doesn't add up.
Do you really think Lady M killed Fitzallan? I mean, she'd just pay someone to do it, wouldn't she? Rich people never get their own hands dirty.
And why pay the bill for Dolly Tearsheet's lawyers when she could just let her take the blame? Frank.
Look at that.
Yeah, so, a couple of things have come to light and we just wanted to chat to you about them, actually.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Tea?No.
No, no.
No way.
Thanks, anyway.
Will that be all, ma'am?No.
Could you tell Pecksmith to make sure that Nugget has an extra blanket? They say we're heading for quite a cold snap.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Uh, the thing is, Lady Mortimer, we've been making some enquiries and we We think that you poisoned Richie Fingers.
I did? But why? Well, because you were part of the Berkley Square bullion raid.
How exciting! In what way? Oh, you were working in the casino as a croupier next door.
You got embroiled with Richie Fingers, he got banged up, you got away, soon as he was released, he came to find you to blackmail you.
Or maybe just to get his gold.
And you had to get rid of him.
So, you poisoned him in his tea.
I did what? And you're not a Lady.
How dare you!I mean Yes, you're a lady.
I mean, we know that you weren't BORN a Lady.
You were born as Tracy Jarvis, the school blacksmith's daughter, and you were just passing yourself off as a student, which is HE YELLS Hang on! No, wait, wait! Wait! Ow!Oh, no! No, don't! She's locked it.
It's locked.
HE MOANS Chamberlain! Chamberlain! HE KNOCKS ON DOOR Oh, come on, Sebastian! What are you doing? I'm just seeing if there's a secret passage.
We're going to have to call the police.
Keeler's going to have a field day.
She could be miles away by now.
Nah, there's something she won't want to leave behind.
Like what? Millions of pounds in gold bars? No, something far more precious than that.
What's that, then? Ah, I wouldn't bother, the police on the way.
Thank you, Chamberlain.
Thank you for everything.
That'll be all.
No, no, ma'am, that will not be all.
I am here to serve you, ma'am, in whatever capacity it takes for as long as you need me.
So, it was actually a fifth woman the police had to find.
You sat in the getaway van, waited till it was full and drove off.
And then you grassed them up, and Rathbone found out.
So, eventually, he tracked you down, and you had to get rid of him.
No.
Yes.
And I'm afraid you will now be going to prison for a long time.
Murder, robbery.
Murder, no.
You're right.
I was involved in the raid.
I was a croupier at the Cavendish.
I didn't realise the seriousness.
I know it sounds stupid, but he was my first love.
I was swept away.
When I lost my nerve, then he was onto me.
He said I knew too much.
Are you saying he made you go along with it? You took a nice little slice Well, a huge slice for yourself.
It was too tempting.
A fresh start .
.
chance to be accepted.
What, by all the posh girls that you actually never went to school with? We paid a visit to Dunsinane Ladies' College.
Actually, I did go.
On a scholarship.
My father was thrilled, I hated it.
I was bullied the whole time.
I never fit in except with the horses.
They were quite happy for me to take all the trophies, but then I was back to plain old Tracy Tap-Tap.
The noise from the smithy.
My father taught me how to make the shoes.
And how to smelt down the gold bullion.
And then I met Charlie.
It was like a dream.
With his contacts, we were able to do amazing things with the money.
I mean, I tried not to just squander it.
And then Richie Fingers showed up and spoilt the party? In this house, the staff, the running costs, all the gold had virtually gone.
I mean, I told him I'd buried it under the allotments.
I was praying the covenant would buy me some time.
Until you could kill him.
No, I didn't.
I swear.
Oh, come on.
You've confessed to everything else.
You have the perfect motive.
Who else would want him dead? Right, then.
What's going on? We think we have enough evidence to prove that Lady Mortimer Tatiana Gervais.
Tracey Jarvis.
Who? Her.
Me.
What? I did it.
QUIETLY: Oh, it's the butler, it's always the butler.
Hang on a minute.
Are you saying you killed Rathbone now? Chamberlain? I knew everything about the bullion raid, ma'am.
I've always known.
But you loved Lord Charlie.
You loved all of us, and your money, however you got it, saved the Hall.
I saw that you were a good person.
When Fitzallan turned up, it was obvious he was a bad lot.
So, it was you who sent the anonymous letter.
I hoped it would frighten him off.
And when it didn't, that's when you poisoned the tea.
Why does everyone think it was the tea? It wasn't the tea, it was the whisky! He was always helping himself to Lord Charlie's malt.
A case of Glenmoran, 1951.
There are only 200 bottles left in the world.
Ah, so you started to replace it with the cheap stuff.
He couldn't tell the difference.
Uncouth! He was the only person who ever touched it.
I could guarantee.
I couldn't let him hurt the most kind and wonderful lady I have ever met.
All right, then, arrest and caution them both.
I'll see you two back at the station.
You're welcome.
Nugget.
Will you make sure he's looked after? Nugget! I get it.
I was thinking chickens.
Oh, come on.
Hello.
Oh.
I wonder, you haven't got any more of that back remedy, have you? YesVery sad about Lady M.
But we're all going to put in excellent character references.
Yeah, I keep wondering who's going to look after the Hall if she goes to prison.
It might be held in a trust to revert back to the people in the village.
But I'd just like to say thank you to you all for all your hard work.
It's all part of the service.
Ah! Ah, yes.
This whole debacle.
Dolly and I realise that we are not getting any younger.
Eh? Aw.
You wanted to grow old together.
Oh, this is for you.
Not some more of those amazing brownies?Oh, yes.
Oh, it's kale, Frank! Oh, your absolute favourite! Oh, that is great.
He's chuffed.
My favourite It's