Star Trek: Lower Decks (2020) s03e03 Episode Script

1
Tony.
Gena Marino,
my seventh grade geology teacher?
Wh-What are you doing in space?
And in a revealing toga?
Don't worry about all that, Tony.
Come here, let me brush your hair.
You can tell me about that
race car novel you're writing.
Oh, my gosh.
I've never told anyone about that.
I wrote myself in
as the main character.
His name's Speedy Mc Wheels.
So clever.
Tell me more.
Captain's log,
stardate 58256.2.
Jengus IV is a remote planet
which was believed to be uninhabited
until indigenous silicate
creatures, called the Scrubble,
started turning Federation
scientists into statues.
Captain Murakami of the USS Hood
answered the distress call
and brokered tentative peace.
With the conflict resolved,
the Cerritos and the Carlsbad
are coordinating to
relocate the outpost.
Once again, we're cleaning up a mess
for a bunch of outpost scientists.
You know why these guys
are always getting eaten,
disappearing, or getting eggs
laid in their chest?
'Cause they're working on the frontier?
Because they're weirdos.
You want to explore space?
Join Starfleet, go to the Academy.
But no, that's too much effort.
They just got to get their degrees
in studying spores or whatever,
then head off into the quadrant
and get devoured by a plant!
Is this a mission briefing
or a stand-up routine?
Oh, no, no. His stand-up's more a raw,
unfiltered take on dating and mating.
Anyway,
now that the Scrubble
and the scientists have agreed
not to attack each other, it's
our job to set up a new base
and remove these.
Psychic mines
they read your thoughts,
and bring your fantasies to life,
then turn you to stone.
Be careful down there.
Captain wants us to look good
in front of the Carlsbad crew.
Cali-class gets real gossipy.
Glad to see that our priorities
are in the right place.
Just follow Stevens's orders
like they were coming from me.
Because we're best friends,
and we share a sacred bond.
Dismissed.
You have to stop saying
that we have a sacred bond.
I feel it, sir, and I know you do, too.
Ooh, Tendi,
we're heading down to the planet,
to move a bunch of rocks.
Ah, that's so cool.
Wish I could join,
but, I'm starting my senior
science officer training today.
Whoa, look at you,
getting all bridge-ready.
I've been prepping so much,
I'm afraid my brain's
gonna explode with science.
Ah, that's how I want to go.
All right, I'm off to find out
who my senior officer mentor is.
Wish me luck.
Wait, no,
wish me facts.
- Ah, Ensign, join me.
- Hey, Dr. Migleemo.
Sorry, I don't have time to chat.
I'm actually meeting my mentor
for senior science officer training.
Well, I wonder who that could be.
It's me.
- 'Tis I.
- Wait, what?
Through the strange alchemy of command,
the task of mentoring you
has fallen to me.
Now grab a seat and let's get started.
Oh, and do help yourself to some
of these Corvarian sludge worms.
They are exquisitely charred.
- Oh. G-Great.
- Mmm!
Lieutenant Commander Stevens?
Ensign Kearns reporting.
We're here to provide assistance
from the Carlsbad.
Great. You guys'll dismantle and
relocate the outpost equipment.
Cerritos, you're gonna clear
the area of fantasy rocks,
which are still live, so be careful.
Uh, what do we do
if our fantasies appear?
Well, they should dissipate
after a few hours,
but, if anything
should try to tempt you,
you know, think about parrises squares.
What up, 'badders?
I'm Mariner,
that's Rutherford, and this
little bird-boned fella is Boimler.
Uh, yeah, we know who you are.
Everyone's heard about the Cerritos.
Oh, um, cool?
Oh, hey, you guys were just
at Pellex II, right?
Did you get a chance to sneak over
to the old Pleasure Festival?
No, we were aboard our ship,
following orders.
We do not sneak.
Yeah, no, I just meant, uh
Look, I don't sneak either.
I-I didn't mean sneak.
I just meant, like
Uh, i-it's gonna be a slog today.
If you guys get sick
of dismantling the station,
we can always switch it up.
Uh-huh. Hey, Cor'dee,
is "switching it up"
- in our mission parameters?
- It is not.
And why are we wasting time
with all this talk?
- Uh, well, I just, I
- Eh, look, we've heard about
how you do things on the Cerritos.
We're not here to screw around.
What the hell's their problem?
They were acting like
the Cerritos was a joke.
- Do we have a reputation?
- I don't know.
Look, we should probably get to work.
So, have you ever
trained a science officer before?
Absolutely not, no.
I didn't know they did this.
But, Starfleet sent along
a lovely manual,
which I have been skimming,
so, you and I,
will be learning, together.
- Now, isn't that fun?
- Sure is.
Now, let's see here.
Table of contents.
Good start.
Foreword by Ambassador Spock.
Hmm, not bad. Okay,
Vulcan stuff, Vulcan stuff,
Vulcan stuff I tell you what,
it would've been logical
- to find an editor.
- Just so you know,
I've been studying super hard.
Microbiology, xenobiology,
astrobiology
There really are a lot
of sciences, aren't there?
Too many if you ask me.
Ah, it seems like
proper amount, but, uh,
what I'm saying is, I think I'm
ready for the exam right now.
Oh, well, according to this,
science officer training
is less about tests,
and more about learning to be, ooh,
"the voice of science."
- Cute.
- But maybe it's, like,
also a test?
'Cause I just really want
to take a test.
Tendi, does it matter how much
you know if nobody's listening?
Captains have big egos.
You need to cut through that
and speak for science,
which is why you will be serving
as a science officer trainee
with Captain Freeman today.
Isn't she busy
with an important negotiation?
Exactly.
I want you to focus
on getting the captain's attention.
Really prove that you've got
the grapes to stand up to her.
But, won't that make her mad?
Oh, definitely.
Garçon, one more round of millet
and cut me off after that.
Whoa.
Hey, Samanthan,
you want to come over here
and help me design some
Galaxy-class starship engines?
Leah Brahms?
No, man, no.
Think about parrises squares,
think of parrises squares.
- This is your fantasy?
- Oh, yeah.
Dr. Brahms was instrumental
in advancing warp field theory.
I need a big brain engineer
who can help me extrude some plasma,
and run some tests.
No!
Leave me alone.
Look at those stupid Carlsbad ensigns.
What did they mean "screw around"?
Cali-class ships are all
practically the same.
What the hell are they so smug about?
I mean, we have gotten into
some pretty notable shenanigans.
Oh, please, like what?
- We tussled with mugatos.
- Well, there was that Klingon
-who took off in the ship
-We tussled with the Pakleds.
- and he was drunk.
- Twice with the Pakleds.
And we scared the crap out
of that drill instructor.
- Have we done a time travel thing?
- Okay, okay, I get it,
yeah, shenanigans.
You know what?
Today, we're gonna do our job
faster, and better,
and kick their asses Cerritos style.
I mean, we can try, but, I mean,
they're kind of amazing.
What the
Did you see that?
She's rubbing it in.
No, I'm the one who rubs. I rub.
Okay, you know what, you're right.
Let's pick up the pace,
and smoke these guys.
Come with me.
We could increase
gravimetric power limits
all night long.
Rutherford, stay strong.
Parrises squares,
ion mallet, shiny blue uniforms.
Come on.
I can't believe that's tempting to you.
Yeah, these things'll have
to try a lot harder to get in my head.
Ensign Boimler.
There you are.
Quick, get in, son.
The Borg are attacking.
Starfleet needs that Boimler magic.
I knew this day would come.
Yes, sir, Admiral, let's
- Dude, come on.
- Huh? Oh, geez, sorry.
Also, a sidecar? Even in your
fantasy, you're not driving?
Driving's scary.
I'm a natural passenger.
Oh, hey, babe.
I was about to go yell at Ransom,
really tear him a new one
for being so annoying.
- Want to come watch?
- Nice try, "babe,"
but, I'll hold off for the
real deal back on the ship.
Ho-ho-okay, you and Jennifer
are "babe-ing" each other now?
Uh, yeah, I mean, I guess we have been.
Aw, it's nice to see you
with a girlfriend,
instead of destroying everything
in your path.
She's not my girlfriend.
We're just hanging out.
- We're not into labels.
- Oh, I'm into labels.
I'm fine being your
hot Andorian girlfriend.
Is that your fantasy?
No. We're No.
Go find Leah Brahms.
- Shut up.
- Ooh, somebody's blushing.
I think she is, I'm detecting
- an elevated heart rate.
- Stop looking at my heart rate.
Okay, we have to ignore these totally,
inaccurate fantasies at all costs.
Come, and look at the warp core,
with me and Leah.
Huh, I had no idea,
that Captain Maier was
going to be so fresh-faced.
What, he just graduate
from the Academy yesterday?
I don't know,
but, word around the fleet is
that he's on the fast
track to a Galaxy-class.
Uh, Captain.
I've been researching
Captain Murakami's logs
about the Scrubble,
and I think they are
Captain Maier,
your reputation precedes you.
As does yours, Captain Freeman.
I'm excited to learn from
how you close this deal today.
Well, most of
the work's already been done.
We just need to get everyone
to sign off on final points.
Should only take a minute or two.
Still, it'll be good to see how
the old school knocks this out.
I'm sure we can do
Wait, old school?
Now hold on, hold on.
That is totally unfair.
We had no idea that
the rocks we were studying
had any silicate life.
Well, what you call "silicate"
life, we just call "life."
You do not seem alive to us.
Everyone, everyone, please.
Welcome to the Cerritos.
We have the treaty details
you've agreed to right here.
Perhaps some refreshments?
The Scrubble thanks you, Captains.
We appreciate the respect
you both show the Scrubble,
- unlike these insolent scientists.
- Hey.
May we present you with
a sacred Scrubble totem?
Oh, thank you so much.
It's-it's lovely.
Captain Maier, please feel free
to take this token of respect
for your collection.
Oh, I couldn't possibly,
Captain Freeman.
As the more senior officer,
the statue's all yours.
Take the statue, young man.
No, I couldn't impose.
- Take it. No, please.
- No, you.
- It's yours.
- Get it away.
Please let me help.
I can make you a captain, Boimler.
Can you triple-check my math?
Nailed it, babe.
Let's make out.
Yo, Kearns.
Five more, and we're done.
Looks like you guys
have a ways to go, huh?
What are you doing?
Come on, pick it up.
I think I pulled my dominant groin.
This is great.
It's totally working.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you just dunk that fantasy rock?
The hell were you thinking?
Moving fast, sir.
Getting the job done.
Well, slow it down.
These things are dangerous.
They're not a bunch
of dang basketballs.
Well, we just wanted to
make sure these Carlsbad guys
didn't outpace us, and
make Commander Ransom
look like an ineffectual leader.
Ineffectual?
Why would they say that?
Yeah, we overheard them saying
Ransom was a joke,
and that his-his teams are slow,
and his core is weak.
Bull. He's got
the strongest core in the fleet.
Now, hurry up. Let's move
some friggin' rocks.
Let me show you how a pro does it.
Whoa. Ooh!
Uh, sir, what happens
if these things break?
I'm sure it's fine.
It probably just makes
a real big fantasy, right?
Watch out, giant ham sandwich incoming.
Oh, my God. Kukulkan.
Whoa!
My beautiful arms.
What was that thing?
Guys, I don't think that was a fantasy.
I think these broken rocks
are reading our nightmares.
But, I don't like my nightmares.
What is that?
In here, quick.
Wow.
Good aim is hot.
I want to be exclusive!
I want us to grow old, and boring,
and grow orchids together, babe.
Settle down with me!
- Whew.
- Mariner,
you might want to go back to therapy.
Cerritos, come in.
Of course.
It's not a real day in
Starfleet till comms get blocked.
Okay, how long before
these things dissipate?
With those psychic mines broken,
who knows?
We'll have to wait it out.
We are trapped in a cave,
and your commander is armless.
I fear we will be penalized for this.
No, I will.
I made us rush.
Why?
We had all day.
You guys were going so fast,
we-we were trying
to speed up to beat you.
It's clear the Cerritos
has a bad reputation.
We didn't want to live up to it.
Wow.
I'm speechless.
Come on, don't pile on.
Look, the Cerritos is actually
a really great place to serve
No, no, I mean, we were
the ones who were rushing.
What?
You guys are so cool, and,
we were just trying to impress you.
Wait, you think we're cool?
Yes, the tales of your exploits
are widely shared.
The Cerritos is, in fact, the coolest.
Collecting stuff isn't
really a thing with my generation.
No disrespect, I just don't need
flashy trinkets to
It's a normal rock.
Ensign, come here, scan this
thing and tell Captain Maier
it's not flashy.
Hmm, it has an anomalous
molecular composition.
I'm actually getting some
pretty interesting readings
Stop talking.
It's clearly not fancy.
Ah-ha-ha, see, there you go.
A "pretty interesting" object
for a pretty experienced captain.
Captains, captains,
maybe we should get to business,
what do you say?
- Take the rock. No, no.
- You take it.
- Don't you dare. No, no.
- It's a gift.
- Just take it.
- Just take the rock!
Take it!
Oh, yeah, all the Cali-class
crews talk about the Cerritos.
You guys are famous.
Famous? Us? No way.
Come on, the Cerritos is like
the Enterprise of the support ships.
You have survived battles
with the Pakleds.
You four stood strong
in an alien trial.
Eh, it was more of a party, but thanks.
All the other Cali-class ships
just do what they're told,
but, the Cerritos kicks ass.
We kind of freaked out
when we got this mission.
We just wanted to show you
that we could keep up.
You did more than keep up.
You guys were crushing it.
Give us your distinctiveness.
What?
- You're scared of basketballs?
- I'm not.
So, your greatest fantasy
is basketball?
No, I hadn't heard the
word "basketball" in years
until Stevens said it just before
the nightmares showed up.
I guess the stones must've
pulled that from my mind, too?
Fantasies and fears I get,
but, why access that part of your brain?
Uh, there's a bunch of stuff out
there that doesn't make sense.
Hey, babe.
Does Jennifer wear hats?
No, her antennae are too sensitive.
But I did overhear Levy mansplaining
the difference between a pork pie and a
fedora
to some poor cadet the other day.
These stones are recording
way more than we thought.
Something in here is
streaming a ton of data.
Whatever's receiving it,
is back there.
Give it to me straight, Doc, is it bad?
You're fine, just relax.
I need a sedative over here.
Here you go, Doctor.
What the are you doing here?
Weren't you supposed to start
science officer stuff with Migleemo?
Yup, first day.
It's going great.
- the bed, huh?
- Yes, I think that's accurate.
Aw, geez, are you about to cry?
This guy's not even crying, and
his toes are getting digested.
- They are?
- Shut up, don't move.
I just don't know if I'm cut out
to be a science officer.
I can't get the captain
to listen to me.
Okay, guess we're doing this.
Tendi, of course you're cut out for it.
That's why I recommended you.
Then why am I blowing it?
All my studying hasn't helped at all.
No, no, studying's good,
but,
in real life there's gonna be times
when you need to make a mess of things,
before you can fix them.
Like how I'm gonna have
to cut this guy's foot off,
- so we can grow him a new one.
- Wait, what was that?
You'll be a great officer
on the bridge one day,
but, you're gonna have to risk
screwing things up to get there.
- You understand?
- I do. Thanks, Doc.
Good luck growing it back.
Hey,
so you were just kidding about my foot,
to make a point, right?
Cave bug.
We've got cave bugs in here.
Wait, look, I think this is a door.
Huh,
that's not a usual thing for a cave.
Hey, there's an access panel over here.
Whoa, what is this place?
Don't know, but this
is definitely the receiver.
And some kind of storage device.
- Look.
- It's storing all our thoughts.
It has our security clearances,
passwords,
personal information.
My Uncle Trent drunk-dancing
at my cousin's wedding.
Damn. Get it, Trent.
This thing is a literal data mine.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
but, look at the equipment.
It's all Federation tech.
The outpost scientists
must have installed it, but why?
- Unless they and the Scrubble are
- Working together.
- We should probably report this, huh?
- Big-time.
Hey, you think there's any chance
the crazy crystal cavern
is maybe boosting comms?
I don't know.
Yeah, no, of course not.
Well, you guys lucked out.
You're getting the full
Cerritos experience today.
Die!
- Kearns to Carlsbad.
- Boimler to Cerritos.
- Oh, I'm sorry, do you want
- I'm sorry, did I step on?
- We need emergency Wow.
- Requesting immediate O-Okay.
- I can, I can walk over there.
- Are you sure?
It's okay.
No, no, it's-it's fine.
- Just take it!
- No, you take it!
How about if we split it? Shaxs,
phaser this thing in half.
- Now we're talking.
- How dare you?
This is a sacred gift.
Why don't we just go back
down to the planet,
and get another one?
No. I'm running
the negotiations,
- and I say Maier gets the rock.
- And as your guest,
- I decline.
- What is wrong with you?
Just take the thing and stick it
in the closet like everybody else.
I'm not gonna be the
captain who wouldn't
let Carol Freeman
have a peace treaty gift.
- I don't need it.
- If someone doesn't take it,
we're not signing the treaty.
Someone just take the damn thing,
- so we can get this over with!
- Everybody stop yelling!
I'm having flashbacks.
Hold on.
Everyone, stop, stop, stop.
We just got back from the
planet, you have to stop this.
- Mariner, what the hell are you doing?
- It's true, Commander,
- we scanned
- Just take the rock, take the rock.
Shut up!
Ensign, have you lost your mind?
Look at the damn rock.
Is that Federation tech?
Those anomalous readings?
- It's an internal power source.
- Tendi's right.
These guys are working together.
They have a whole system down there
where they read minds using rocks,
and store it with Federation systems.
A spy device?
And you both wanted it planted
in a captain's office.
They would have heard top secret
communications, deployments.
Well, this is, uh, preposterous.
I-I want to go back to my cave
this instant.
Yes, yes, and I have important
work to do at the outpost,
groundbreaking stuff.
Actually, I think I'm
finally ready to start this meeting.
Great plan, genius.
Captain's log, supplemental.
The animosity between the Scrubble
and Outpost 76 scientists
was a manufactured deception,
designed to distract from
their plan to collect and sell
sensitive Starfleet intelligence
on the black market.
Apparently, the scientists wanted
to purchase better equipment,
and the Scrubble
wanted more rocks?
I don't get how that would
Whatever.
Anyway, they'll both be answering
to a Federation tribunal.
In recognition of their
excellent teamwork,
Captain Maier and I,
have authorized a small
celebration for our combined crews.
I was, like, "Okay, Doc",
"if I was brain dead for ten minutes,"
"then how come I saw a koala
sitting on a black mount?"
Wait.
Where are you going?
Okay.
Looks like it's just
you and me, old friend.
Gah, cinnamon schnapps.
Innkeeper, two Grimpari Sun Storms,
one for me, and one for my mentee,
who made sure she was heard.
I couldn't have done it
without a great mentor.
Why, thank you, Tendi.
I must admit, this new role
rather suits me.
A toast, to me.
And, to a lesser extent,
but, also worth noting, Tendi.
Carol,
I need to apologize
for my behavior today.
I-I hope you don't think less of me.
Well, you and the Carlsbad team
impressed the hell out of me.
In fact, I got you something.
But, this is gonna record my
Don't worry, it's been neutralized.
I know you think collecting
trinkets is old-school, but
I would be honored.
Are you sure you don't want it?
Please, that's the little half.
I kept the big one for myself.
You guys really lived up
to your reputations today.
Wow, we had no idea anyone
talked about the Cerritos.
Oh, maybe not across the fleet,
but, you're definitely
Cali-class famous.
Really? What do they say?
Mariner's an unstoppable
force of nature.
- Truth.
- Rutherford's a genius
with crazy implant powers.
- Okey dokey.
- Tendi's a ray
- of optimistic sunshine.
- Aw.
The only thing people
get wrong is Boimler.
Let me guess, everyone thinks
I'm older, right?
No, in stories you're described
as a tiny comedic robot,
that is always getting into trouble.
Wait, wait, wait, what do they say?
Yes, that is so accurate.
- No, it's not.
- I expected you to be, like,
a hovering cube or something.
Guys, you got to tell people I'm a man.
Oh, no, no. Please keep telling
people he's a cube.
Mariner, no. Don't do that.
Aw, Boimler wants to be people.
Guys, please,
please tell them I'm people.
Guys, I'm people!
Chirp.