Stargate: Atlantis s03e03 Episode Script
Irresistible
Are you all right, colonel? Its nothing, just a cold.
No big deal.
Just annoying.
- Talk about annoying - What? We should be focusing on harvesting space gates.
Thats what were doing, Rodney.
The M.
A.
L.
P.
detected life signs.
We have to check it out.
Thats the protocol.
Identifying space gates to complete the intergalactic bridge should be our priority, not making contact with the locals of a backwater hamlet.
- Are you that eager to return to Earth? - This isnt about me.
Its the ability to go back and forth between Earth and Atlantis conveniently.
- And whenever I want to.
- Hows that work, again? Okay.
Once weve seeded enough stargates between Pegasus and the Milky Way weIl take a Jumper from one to the other till we reach the other side.
We wont tax the ZPM, we wont be reliant on the Daedalus.
Travel time between Earth and Atlantis will be cut from three weeks to 30 minutes.
- Very clever.
- Yes.
It was Samantha Carters idea.
Backwater hamlet, dead ahead.
Okay, lets just make contact, buy our souvenirs and get out of here.
Fair day to you.
Fair day to you.
Nothing here.
We should probably go.
Yeah, probably wouldnt hurt to make contact with the locals, though.
- No, when youre right, youre right.
- Were here now- Hello.
Hello, new people.
Why didnt anybody tell me they were here yet? - Lucius, Ive missed you.
- Willa, I was just out for a walk.
- Have you met the new people yet? - We just got here.
Oh, great.
Then I havent missed anything.
I hate missing things.
Have you met my wife Willa? Isnt she gorgeous? My other wives, theyre just making lunch.
- Fair day, Lucius.
- Hello.
I love you.
I love you.
Fair day, everybody.
Fair day, Lucius.
Im John Sheppard.
Rodney McKay.
Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan.
Teyla.
- And you are from.
.
? - Athos.
Athos.
Yeah, Athos.
Ive never been there.
Sounds nice.
Is it nice? Until it was culled by the Wraith.
Oh, I hate them.
What do you say you and me get together, have lunch, talk about this? Maybe have some wine? We dont even know your name.
Were serious.
You mean you truly have not heard of Lucius? Well, everyone knows.
Hes the wisest and kindest man among the stars.
Oh, people just say that.
I mean, you cant prove it till youve met everybody, am I right? Well, then, Lucius were glad we met you.
And if you arent yet, you will be.
Come on, lets have some lunch, huh? Everybody has to eat.
Come on.
Right this way, please.
Please.
After you.
Please.
- Fair day.
- Fair day, Lucius.
- Fair day.
Fair day.
- Fair day.
Here I come.
I love architecture.
Its all a mystery to me, really - but hasnt stopped me from trying.
- I see.
- Is she taken yet? - No.
Nor does he, nor anyone else, speak for me.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you are definitely wife material.
Yeah, I love a woman with spirit.
And a great body.
Excuse me, Lucius.
Please pardon my ignorance, possibly even my manners.
- What is it about you-? - I know so you dont even have to ask.
I have gifts.
What are those gifts? Exploration.
Alchemy, medicine.
I have, I have to say, some of the best ointments around.
See, I could take care of that just like that.
- Its just a cold.
- Nevertheless.
I have a potion that could get rid of that in six or seven days.
- Thats impressive.
- You get used to it.
WeIl do a trade.
So where yall from? No place in particular.
We move around a lot.
In that wonderful machine.
Yeah, I saw it.
I was on a walk.
I look up and I heard- Somebody said that you flew through the ancestral ring? Yeah, that was us.
How does it fly? - Its complicated.
One has to- - Where do you get a machine like that? I mean, its a wonderful way to travel.
Can I get one? Are they hard to fly? Yes, they are hard to fly, and no, you cant have one.
But I want one.
Please.
Sorry.
Well, perhaps a trade for some of his wonderful medicines? - Or perhaps not.
- What? You come all this way you dont even wanna do a trade? Doesnt have to be the ship.
I dont want it.
You gotta have some other stuff to trade.
Okay, like, how do you get your hair to go like that? Lunch was great, but I just realized were running late.
- For what? - For that important thing.
Yes, as much as wed love to stay, we really must go.
No.
I dont want you to go.
You just got here.
We havent had the second course.
Please, I want you to see my medicines.
Go get the ointments, the good ones.
Go.
Run.
Go.
- Another time, Lucius.
We gotta go.
- No.
No, I dont want you to leave.
Okay, okay, okay.
All right.
Let them go.
Were all friends here, right? Tell you what.
Soon as we get back, weIl tell our medical people to come see what you have to offer, then weIl talk about trade.
- Later today, maybe? - Maybe.
- IIl have everything ready.
- Thank you.
You wont be disappointed.
Nice people.
- I think the word were looking for is- - Obnoxious? Unctuous? Either one of those works.
The townspeople seem to love him.
There may be something to his medicine.
Sounds like snake oil to me, but might be worth having Beckett check out.
Im sure Carson will be able to get us an answer soon.
- So its back out to scout for gates? - Yes.
Right away.
Its not a race, Rodney.
Some of the herbs were gathered from this planet but most were collected from my many excursions to other worlds.
I have to confess I have concocted remedies for almost every known ailment.
- Every single one? - Well, every one in town.
The sick have been cured.
The lame can walk again.
Well, some still crawl, but they crawl a lot faster than they used to.
- I see.
- Nothing pleases me more than when someone comes up to me, they say,« ou »?Thank you, Lucius.
You have cured me.
You are a wise and kind man.
» Young, old, women.
Do you like women, Dr.
Beckett? What? Yes, of course.
Yeah, I have a potion that will have them lined up, just waiting to be with you.
You know what I mean - when I say « be with you, » right? - I think so, yes.
I will trade you that potion for what you are holding in your bag right now.
My medical kit? I thought you cured every known ailment.
Every known ailment in town.
I added that, remember? Well, it is tempting, but Im afraid I couldnt do that, Lucius.
Sorry.
Not yet, anyway, huh? Come on.
You must be starving.
I have a great meal lined up for us.
How did the scout go? Well, we found an unused gate in orbit over M3R-428.
One lousy gate.
Were never gonna meet our quota at this rate.
- What quota? - My quota.
Daedalus is still under repair, Rodney.
We wont be able to harvest gates till it can fly.
Did Beckett bring back anything worth anything? No, he hasnt returned yet.
He radioed in earlier, said hed like to stay longer.
Apparently hes found something of interest.
The baby was frozen solid.
Like a statue.
Like a frozen statue.
It must have been in the water for, I dont know what seemed like an eternity.
I didnt know what to do.
You know, I was a kid myself.
I take the baby and I open my coat and I tuck the baby inside.
And I start stroking the babys back.
Gently.
Now, I dont know whether it was the warmth of my body or the steady, insistent rhythm of my own life force urging this tiny babys heart to begin beating again but beat it did.
And a cry arose piercing the cold night air as if to say « ou »?I am alive.
» Astonishing.
And that baby That baby grew up to be That beautiful young lady.
No, no, not her, not her.
Behind her.
Maybe a little brain-damaged, but just a little, but the story is true.
And thank you for sharing it with me.
Oh, please, Dr.
Beckett.
Thats what I like doing most: To share.
To share me.
And I can see that now.
You see? All you had to do was get to know me.
You know, Carson- - May I call you Carson? - Of course.
This city that you keep going on and on about- - Atlantis.
- Yeah, Atlantis.
On a scale of one to 10, this village being a three- Oh, Atlantis is definitely a 10.
- It is? - Oh, yeah.
And those flying ships, you still have those? You mean the Jumpers? We have several.
Oh, yeah.
How interesting.
Tell me more.
Ach, Lucius, I think I could do much better than that.
Incoming wormhole.
Opening the shield.
Dr.
Becketts IDC.
Its about time.
Carson.
Oh, my! When you said this place was a 10 I thought,« ou »?Okay, maybe its an eight and a half, » but this - Carson? - Oh, Dr.
Weir permit me to introduce Lucius Luvin.
Speaking of stunning You never told me anything about her.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah I am definitely gonna like it here.
I cant believe you brought him here without permission.
- I didnt think youd mind.
- You didnt think Id mind? You know the protocols.
You even helped come up with them.
Theres so much he can offer us.
This the same guy who said he could cure my cold in a week? I know my business, Colonel Sheppard.
He happens to have created several medicines that are quite remarkable.
- Really? That guy? - Aye.
He also possesses many valuable herbs and spices and gourds.
- Did you just say gourds? - Yes, Rodney, gourds.
We dont know everything, despite what you may think.
He could prove to be a very powerful ally.
Hes a very wise and kind man.
Are you feeling all right? What do you mean? - Its just, youre acting a little - Smitten? I had another word in mind.
- This is not something to treat lightly.
- No, it isnt.
Youve brought a stranger without prior approval.
Now he knows about the city, as well as our gate address.
Lucius would do nothing to harm us.
He comes in peace.
As our friend.
You have his word and mine on that.
- Do you think he poses a threat? - Definitely a nuisance.
If what Beckett says is correct, these medicines could be of value.
Just keep an eye on him.
McKay and I are heading out.
Tell Teyla and Ronon not to let him out of their sight.
Here we are.
Its perfect.
Because you could have my personal quarters if you wanted.
Oh, no, no.
Dont be silly, Carson.
I mean, you know IIl take a look at what you have, if you insist but thisIl do fine for now.
Oh, good.
Im so pleased.
Just let me know if you want anything.
I cant think of anything I want more than just being here.
Except that- What? - No, its nothing.
- No, tell me.
Well, I get the feeling that your friends dont like having me around.
Oh, Lucius.
Just give them a chance to get to know you.
- Well, I just hope I get that chance.
- Oh, you will, I promise.
Im sure Dr.
Weir will want to negotiate an alliance between your people and ours.
- Really? - Really.
Oh, thatd be great.
Hello.
I was gonna go get something to eat.
They forgot to bring me something.
Are you guys not allowed to talk? Guests are not permitted to move about unescorted.
Well, what do you say you escort me, then? - You dont like me yet, do you? - Yet? Im sorry.
My manners fail when I am in the presence of a beautiful woman.
- Isnt she something, huh? - Yeah.
- We will have something sent to you.
- Oh, no.
Come on.
- Dont make me sit all alone.
Please? - WeIl both take you.
Both.
Both is good.
Yeah, weIl get to know each other, then, okay? Like, how do you get your hair to go like that? Just listen to what he has to say.
Thank you.
Fine.
I must say, Im starting to get concerned about your interest in this man.
It seems excessive.
And I find it puzzling why youve chosen to greet Lucius with such hostility.
Perhaps its because you broke protocol, endangering- And for that, I am sorry, but can we please move on past that one mistake and not further alienate a potential ally? Fine.
Have him come up to my office.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Yeah.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Thank you for granting me this audience.
Its hardly that, Mr.
Luvin.
No, please.
Lucius.
May this be the first of many gifts that our people exchange.
Thank you.
I made it myself.
The gourd is from the marshes of my home world topped with a candle thats made from the congealed tallow of an animal that I killed with my bare hands.
How nice.
Its nothing.
- Please, have a seat.
- After you.
What are you doing? I was told that youd like to negotiate an alliance between our two peoples.
An alliance? Okay.
Sure.
Thats why Im here, is to talk about that.
Well, then, why dont you start by telling me what you have to offer us? Besides candles.
Right.
One tiny settlement on the entire planet? Look, all wed have to do is relocate them.
Were not evacuating an entire planet so we can take their gate.
Hey.
Welcome back.
Wheres Zelenka? - Well, hes not here.
- No.
No ones here.
Where is everyone? Im standing outside.
I dont know what to do.
I ran.
I ran.
I ran.
And, mind you, Im the guy whos holding the weapon, okay? So heres what I do.
Okay.
Im standing there and Im running and I see the beast just coming towards me so I just step to my left, I turn around, and just as hes coming to me I take my sword, I draw it and I lop off its head.
And- Yeah.
And I bend over, I pick it up and I walk in triumph back to the village.
- Amazing.
- You didnt.
Oh, yes, my giant friend, I did, and let me tell you this: I had no trouble finding female companionship that night.
If you know what I mean.
- Repeatedly.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What the hell is going on? What do you mean? What do I mean? We leave for a few hours and Lucius turns you all into Stepford wives.
What did he do to you? Absolutely nothing.
Carson was right about him.
I agree.
He has much to offer us.
Herbs and gourds? Please.
The medicines alone are worth whatever he asks.
The ointment is worth something? - I havent actually tested it.
- Youre taking his word for it? - You got a problem with that? - Me? No.
He might.
Teyla, this is the man who asked you to be his seventh wife.
I know.
I hope I didnt upset him.
You just havent taken the time to get to know Lucius.
Carson is right.
Again.
Look, I think he could be a great asset to us.
He has traveled extensively throughout this galaxy and gathered a tremendous amount of intelligence.
Has he shared any of this intelligence? Not yet but he did give me this.
A very wise and kind man.
This is creeping me out.
Yeah.
Reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually.
Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman make him fall in love with her.
Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her.
Kind of a turn-on, actually.
Julie Newmar in the cat outfit- - Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.
- Not till season three.
- Really? - Yeah.
You didnt know that? Oh, so anyway, I did a little investigating, and Surveillance footage from his quarters.
- Whats this? - I took the liberty of searching his room.
Theres some residue from the liquid in the vial.
ItIl take some time to break it down.
I could have used Carsons help on this, but- Hes off picking daffodils for his new friend.
Right.
Thats brilliant.
This is actually how we found your planet.
So you fly to a planet, you take the gate, you fly away.
We try to take stargates that are in fixed orbit around a planet and then, only if the planet is uninhabited.
It wouldnt be right to take a gate from a world that depended on it for trade.
Wait a minute.
Ive heard of this planet.
- You have? - Yeah, I have and I heard that this planet is completely uninhabited.
Its what I heard.
I dont know about you guys, but I got a good feeling about this planet.
Well, then we could retrofit the gate for space deployment.
Beautiful and brilliant.
The two Bs.
Dr.
Weir.
Oh, hi, John.
We were just discussing the gate-harvesting program.
- Yeah, I heard.
- And Lucius knows of an excellent planet we should investigate.
I heard that too.
We got intel that the Wraith recently set up a major outpost there.
An alliance of three hives.
- No.
Really? - Has your intel been verified? We havent put boots on the ground, no, but our contacts are trustworthy.
Not gonna send a team down there when theres still plenty of gates to scout.
John, you are way behind Rodneys quota.
Forget Rodneys quota.
I am not sending a team into harms way.
You know what? Colonel Sheppard is right.
Dont get me wrong.
With your advanced weapons you could easily dispose of a tiny Wraith outpost, if there even is one.
But ultimately is it worth the risk? No matter how small that risk may be.
- Sure, people may label you a coward- - Will you knock it off? Colonel.
I think its worth investigating.
No.
I wont allow it.
John, are you questioning my authority? Yeah, when it comes to the security of this base, youre damn right I am.
From now on, no one goes through that gate without my authorization.
What a terrible cold he must have.
This is not like him, Lucius.
I apologize.
He makes me uncomfortable.
Hes really a good man.
I dont see it.
If he doesnt come around, youre gonna have to do something.
Élizabeth wants to send a team to check out a gate - at a suspected Wraith outpost.
- Is she nuts? Everybodys nuts, Rodney.
Havent you noticed? - Right.
- We need to figure out why.
Im working on it, but theres not enough liquid.
- I need more.
- IIl go back to Luciusvillage.
- Im sure he keeps a stash.
- Youre leaving me here alone? You said you need the liquid.
- The place is turning into a nuthouse.
- Somebodys gotta stay.
Keep away from the nuts.
Disable the DHD as soon as Im gone.
Prevent anybody from dialing out, okay? Willa.
Sheppard.
Sheppard.
- Are you all right? - Where is he? - Lucius? - Did you take him? Of course, if you did, were not angry.
He came to my planet on his own.
Please send him back.
It hurts us to be away from him for so long.
Have you always felt this way about him? No, but one day as he returned from trading his wares with a distant people he told me a story, a wonderful wise, sweet story about something he accidentally stepped in.
And from that day forward we saw him for the wonderful man he truly is.
And before that? I am ashamed to admit that I refused to share his bed more than once and since he is gone, everyone is growing sick.
- It has only gotten worse.
- Take it easy.
Have you ever seen him drink, like, a liquid from a small vial? - His daily medicine.
- Does he need more? - I could bring it to him.
- We both can.
I can handle it.
Well, if we get you some, will you bring him home? Sure.
Incoming wormhole.
Colonel Sheppards IDC.
I did.
I jumped in.
I jump in the marsh and Im looking at four of them.
I know, I mean, four of them there - and I dont know which one to save.
- What did you do? And the next day, she became my wife.
My fifth wife, and now I have six.
You are a scoundrel.
Thats what you are.
Come here.
You gotta hear this.
Lucius was telling the most hysterical story.
You know they have marmots on his planet? Theyre not marmots, exactly, but its a rodent similar- - You said you were gonna stay away.
- Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself but Lucius here was concerned for me, so he just came down- Ronon held me against the wall.
- -and Lucius and I had a nice, long talk.
- Oh, you did? - And let me tell you we have nothing to worry about.
This guys just a big knucklehead.
Arent you, you big knucklehead? Wheres Élizabeth? Shes out making me something to eat.
- What? - I dont know.
She said it was a surprise.
So Rodney and I were waiting here for the team to return.
- We thought that you were them.
- Teyla, Ronon, Beckett.
They volunteered to check out M6H-491.
- I told you- - Disable the DHD, I know.
Im sorry, I didnt.
But come on Ronon and Teyla can handle themselves.
- What about Beckett? - Now, he can walk on his hands.
He showed Lucius before he left.
You should have seen it.
He was down on his hands McKay.
We dont know for sure that there are Wraith on the planet.
WeIl find out soon enough, wont we? We sure will.
Atlantis, this is Beckett.
Were coming in hot.
- You all right? - It was a little rough, but were good.
It was all terribly exciting.
Well, I guess we can assume there are Wraith on that planet.
Yes.
Many.
Now, dont overreact, John.
Are you kidding me? You send a team led by Beckett to a planet full of Wraith.
How do you expect me to react? Well, firstly, they volunteered.
And secondly, we got the herb.
Carson, I will tell people of the tale of your bravery for many years to come.
- You will? - Yes, I will.
You sent them to get an herb? We wanted to go.
Okay.
Ive just about had enough.
Dont touch it.
What on earth is wrong with you, John? We were just helping a friend.
And theres nothing wrong with that.
I think theres something wrong with him.
You know what? Im just tired.
Its this damn cold.
I apologize.
Maybe you should get some rest.
Youre probably right.
I just need a good nights sleep.
What does this do? That engages the HUD, Heads Up Display.
Heads up.
I love that.
It gives me information when flying the Jumper: - Navigation, weapons.
- You fly this thing? - I can fly it too.
- Yes.
Now that you received the ATA therapy, which I invented.
I was born with a gene which makes me more proficient - at operating Ancient technology.
- He doesnt fly any better.
- Dont you lie- - All right, all right.
Boys stop fighting.
A gene, you say? Its a genetic fingerprint, if you will, which allows someone to operate any technology on Atlantis.
I developed an inoculation which allows those who dont naturally possess the gene, such as Dr.
McKay, to use it.
Really? A gene.
Just an inoculation, huh? Thats great.
You know whats really interesting.
If you look at this here Doc? Could I speak with you for a sec? Excuse me.
I think there might be something wrong with me.
Its all right, son.
Admitting it is the first step.
So you finally came around, did you? Once you get a chance to know Lucius, hes really a very wise and kind- Oh, crap.
Why is the Jumper bay roof opening? Jumper 3s starting up.
Whos in it? - I dont know.
- Jumper 3, please identify.
Jumper 3, this is Flight.
Identify yourself.
Look, close the door.
Its too late.
Its left the bay.
Hey, Carson.
Sorry about that.
What-? Why-? Im taking you to the mainland.
Its for your own good.
Trust me.
- How often does that happen? - Never.
We have strict flight protocol- - Hed have to have a key- - A security officer saw Sheppard carrying Beckett to the Jumper bay before the Jumper took off.
- So it was them in the flying machine? - My computers missing.
- A tablet, two drives, all my research.
- I told you that man was dangerous.
I have to say, I am very disappointed right now.
I am so very sorry, Lucius.
Mobilize Jumper teams.
I want them found.
Yes.
Theyre very good.
They will find them.
I need to get back.
No, you dont.
Lucius needs me.
You have no right to abduct me like this.
Call it an intervention.
You probably dont realize it now but what youre going through is kind of like a detox.
Now, according to research Rodney was able to do before joining the Lucius fan club that liquid hes been drinking contains some kind of a chemical.
It interacts with the body and causes a secretion of a pheromone and then theres something about gamma activity in the « prefrontral cortrex.
» Prefrontal cortex.
The part of the brain responsible for positive emotions.
See? Thats why I need you.
It seems that when people are exposed to this pheromone in close proximity, it makes them easy to influence.
The longer theyre exposed, the worse the addiction gets.
You mean literally an addictive personality? Thats what it looks like.
Its rubbish.
Check for yourself.
I will bet you a years pay that the liquid in that vial is some kind of an extract made from the herb you collected for him.
He made you his mule.
If this is true, why werent you affected? My cold.
I can hardly breathe.
Plus, I havent been around him much.
Look.
I would just kidnap him and take him away somewhere till the pheromone wore off but the people back on his planet are starting to get sick.
It looks like theyre gonna get worse.
I dont want to - put our people through that.
- Youre doing it to me right now.
Buck up, Carson.
You havent been exposed that long.
Look, I need you to figure out a way how to counteract this thing.
Theres gotta be an antidote of some kind.
I cant.
Yes, you can.
You can beat it.
But he needs me.
We should head back.
Weve been searching for hours.
We just left, McKay.
I dont like being this far away from Atlantis.
Lucius is worried.
- You think hes worried? - Jumper 2, report.
Were reading several life signs.
They might be Athosian hunting parties.
WeIl check them.
- Lucius worried about us? - Lucius? Hes fine.
Just keep looking.
I should have stayed with him.
Wait just a minute.
What is it? Dont move.
- That things set to stun, right? - Yeah.
Good.
Carson, are you all right? I will be, once I get back to Lucius.
What did you shoot him for? Now were gonna have to carry him all the way back to the Jumper.
Good morning, colonel.
I want to apologize for this harsh treatment.
I hate that Élizabeth had to do this.
Cut the crap.
So that herb of yours One of my greatest discoveries.
Well, its my only great discovery, but you got to admit, its pretty great.
Howd you get by before that? I was a baker.
Bread, mostly.
The occasional muffin at festival time.
So that herb pretty much changed everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, I baked it into my own bread- I like to experiment.
- -and I noticed that people started to like me.
Well, hate me less but pretty soon it became like.
So I perfected a potion.
It worked great for years.
Then the Wraith set up an outpost on the only planet where I could get the herb.
I knew I could never go back there.
Then we showed up.
Im telling you, it was fate.
And everybody wanted to help, so I let them.
See, thats the great thing about this herb.
Nobody gets hurt.
They just wanna help me all the time.
Whats wrong with that? Im a nice guy.
I never make them do anything - they didnt wanna do.
- Six wives.
Sometimes all at once.
When you get over this cold, were gonna have a long chat.
Face to face.
And I got a feeling were gonna become the best of friends.
And youre gonna wanna help me too, all the time.
And youIl love it.
Just a warning, Lucius.
You get too close to me, itIl be the last thing you do.
Thats all right, colonel.
Im in no rush.
Lucius? Yeah, go ahead, Carson.
- Ive finished preparing the inoculation.
- All right, IIl be right down.
I gotta go get an inoculation.
WeIl talk after.
- Giving you the ATA therapy? - Yeah.
Isnt that great? There.
All done.
Now, remember, its only effective in 47 percent of those who receive it.
Well, Im a naturally lucky fella.
The only way to know for sure is to have you try to operate something.
Okay.
It takes about an hour to be effective.
In the meantime, just rest easy, dear friend.
Are you okay? Can I get you anything? No, Rodney.
Im fine.
- You sure? - Absolutely.
- Because it would no trouble.
- Mess hall.
Blue Jell-O.
- Just a little bit of whipped cream.
- Right away.
We really should talk about marriage.
Jumper 1, this is Flight.
The bay doors are open.
You are go for launch.
« Go for launch.
» Thats so exciting.
Thanks, Rodney.
All right, here goes.
- IIl take it from here.
- What-? Wait.
Youre supposed to be in jail.
- Carson.
- Save your breath.
Your charm no longer has any effect on me.
No.
No, but, Carson - Were supposed to be best of friends.
- Carson didnt give you the ATA gene.
What? Its a serum that effectively neutralizes the chemical in that herb of yours.
Took some myself.
I dont know what that means.
It means we can have that face-to-face conversation you wanted us to have.
The only thing thatIl happen is youIl catch my cold.
What is taking him so long? Okay, I should go up there.
Wait.
Wait.
Theyre taking off.
It worked.
Hes flying it.
Fly, Lucius, fly.
- Where are you taking me? - Little vacation.
Time to let Dr.
Beckett give the serum to my people without you interfering.
And then what? Then maybe IIl take you back home.
Im sure your people will be thrilled to see you again.
You would do that for me? Without even being under the effect of the herb? - After all I did? - Well, Im a nice guy.
Oh, colonel, I cant thank you enough.
Thank you so much- After I give them the serum.
So how was Luciushomecoming? Well, they didnt kill him although I do see a string of divorces in his future.
If they havent strung him up first.
The townspeople are over their withdrawal.
I doubt thatIl happen.
That is, unless we discover hes revealed the location of Atlantis to anyone.
In which case I said Id track him down - hang him by his feet and cut off his- - Thank you.
We get the idea.
So everyone here back to normal? Were still fine, John.
No lingering desires? Secret longings for his touch? Its embarrassing enough without you constantly reminding us, thank you.
All right, all right.
Anyway, I better get back and clean your quarters before the next scout.
Right.
Rodney.
It was one teeny, tiny taste for research purposes.
- Burn it.
- All of it.
Right now.
Fine.
Story of my life.
No big deal.
Just annoying.
- Talk about annoying - What? We should be focusing on harvesting space gates.
Thats what were doing, Rodney.
The M.
A.
L.
P.
detected life signs.
We have to check it out.
Thats the protocol.
Identifying space gates to complete the intergalactic bridge should be our priority, not making contact with the locals of a backwater hamlet.
- Are you that eager to return to Earth? - This isnt about me.
Its the ability to go back and forth between Earth and Atlantis conveniently.
- And whenever I want to.
- Hows that work, again? Okay.
Once weve seeded enough stargates between Pegasus and the Milky Way weIl take a Jumper from one to the other till we reach the other side.
We wont tax the ZPM, we wont be reliant on the Daedalus.
Travel time between Earth and Atlantis will be cut from three weeks to 30 minutes.
- Very clever.
- Yes.
It was Samantha Carters idea.
Backwater hamlet, dead ahead.
Okay, lets just make contact, buy our souvenirs and get out of here.
Fair day to you.
Fair day to you.
Nothing here.
We should probably go.
Yeah, probably wouldnt hurt to make contact with the locals, though.
- No, when youre right, youre right.
- Were here now- Hello.
Hello, new people.
Why didnt anybody tell me they were here yet? - Lucius, Ive missed you.
- Willa, I was just out for a walk.
- Have you met the new people yet? - We just got here.
Oh, great.
Then I havent missed anything.
I hate missing things.
Have you met my wife Willa? Isnt she gorgeous? My other wives, theyre just making lunch.
- Fair day, Lucius.
- Hello.
I love you.
I love you.
Fair day, everybody.
Fair day, Lucius.
Im John Sheppard.
Rodney McKay.
Ronon Dex, Teyla Emmagan.
Teyla.
- And you are from.
.
? - Athos.
Athos.
Yeah, Athos.
Ive never been there.
Sounds nice.
Is it nice? Until it was culled by the Wraith.
Oh, I hate them.
What do you say you and me get together, have lunch, talk about this? Maybe have some wine? We dont even know your name.
Were serious.
You mean you truly have not heard of Lucius? Well, everyone knows.
Hes the wisest and kindest man among the stars.
Oh, people just say that.
I mean, you cant prove it till youve met everybody, am I right? Well, then, Lucius were glad we met you.
And if you arent yet, you will be.
Come on, lets have some lunch, huh? Everybody has to eat.
Come on.
Right this way, please.
Please.
After you.
Please.
- Fair day.
- Fair day, Lucius.
- Fair day.
Fair day.
- Fair day.
Here I come.
I love architecture.
Its all a mystery to me, really - but hasnt stopped me from trying.
- I see.
- Is she taken yet? - No.
Nor does he, nor anyone else, speak for me.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you are definitely wife material.
Yeah, I love a woman with spirit.
And a great body.
Excuse me, Lucius.
Please pardon my ignorance, possibly even my manners.
- What is it about you-? - I know so you dont even have to ask.
I have gifts.
What are those gifts? Exploration.
Alchemy, medicine.
I have, I have to say, some of the best ointments around.
See, I could take care of that just like that.
- Its just a cold.
- Nevertheless.
I have a potion that could get rid of that in six or seven days.
- Thats impressive.
- You get used to it.
WeIl do a trade.
So where yall from? No place in particular.
We move around a lot.
In that wonderful machine.
Yeah, I saw it.
I was on a walk.
I look up and I heard- Somebody said that you flew through the ancestral ring? Yeah, that was us.
How does it fly? - Its complicated.
One has to- - Where do you get a machine like that? I mean, its a wonderful way to travel.
Can I get one? Are they hard to fly? Yes, they are hard to fly, and no, you cant have one.
But I want one.
Please.
Sorry.
Well, perhaps a trade for some of his wonderful medicines? - Or perhaps not.
- What? You come all this way you dont even wanna do a trade? Doesnt have to be the ship.
I dont want it.
You gotta have some other stuff to trade.
Okay, like, how do you get your hair to go like that? Lunch was great, but I just realized were running late.
- For what? - For that important thing.
Yes, as much as wed love to stay, we really must go.
No.
I dont want you to go.
You just got here.
We havent had the second course.
Please, I want you to see my medicines.
Go get the ointments, the good ones.
Go.
Run.
Go.
- Another time, Lucius.
We gotta go.
- No.
No, I dont want you to leave.
Okay, okay, okay.
All right.
Let them go.
Were all friends here, right? Tell you what.
Soon as we get back, weIl tell our medical people to come see what you have to offer, then weIl talk about trade.
- Later today, maybe? - Maybe.
- IIl have everything ready.
- Thank you.
You wont be disappointed.
Nice people.
- I think the word were looking for is- - Obnoxious? Unctuous? Either one of those works.
The townspeople seem to love him.
There may be something to his medicine.
Sounds like snake oil to me, but might be worth having Beckett check out.
Im sure Carson will be able to get us an answer soon.
- So its back out to scout for gates? - Yes.
Right away.
Its not a race, Rodney.
Some of the herbs were gathered from this planet but most were collected from my many excursions to other worlds.
I have to confess I have concocted remedies for almost every known ailment.
- Every single one? - Well, every one in town.
The sick have been cured.
The lame can walk again.
Well, some still crawl, but they crawl a lot faster than they used to.
- I see.
- Nothing pleases me more than when someone comes up to me, they say,« ou »?Thank you, Lucius.
You have cured me.
You are a wise and kind man.
» Young, old, women.
Do you like women, Dr.
Beckett? What? Yes, of course.
Yeah, I have a potion that will have them lined up, just waiting to be with you.
You know what I mean - when I say « be with you, » right? - I think so, yes.
I will trade you that potion for what you are holding in your bag right now.
My medical kit? I thought you cured every known ailment.
Every known ailment in town.
I added that, remember? Well, it is tempting, but Im afraid I couldnt do that, Lucius.
Sorry.
Not yet, anyway, huh? Come on.
You must be starving.
I have a great meal lined up for us.
How did the scout go? Well, we found an unused gate in orbit over M3R-428.
One lousy gate.
Were never gonna meet our quota at this rate.
- What quota? - My quota.
Daedalus is still under repair, Rodney.
We wont be able to harvest gates till it can fly.
Did Beckett bring back anything worth anything? No, he hasnt returned yet.
He radioed in earlier, said hed like to stay longer.
Apparently hes found something of interest.
The baby was frozen solid.
Like a statue.
Like a frozen statue.
It must have been in the water for, I dont know what seemed like an eternity.
I didnt know what to do.
You know, I was a kid myself.
I take the baby and I open my coat and I tuck the baby inside.
And I start stroking the babys back.
Gently.
Now, I dont know whether it was the warmth of my body or the steady, insistent rhythm of my own life force urging this tiny babys heart to begin beating again but beat it did.
And a cry arose piercing the cold night air as if to say « ou »?I am alive.
» Astonishing.
And that baby That baby grew up to be That beautiful young lady.
No, no, not her, not her.
Behind her.
Maybe a little brain-damaged, but just a little, but the story is true.
And thank you for sharing it with me.
Oh, please, Dr.
Beckett.
Thats what I like doing most: To share.
To share me.
And I can see that now.
You see? All you had to do was get to know me.
You know, Carson- - May I call you Carson? - Of course.
This city that you keep going on and on about- - Atlantis.
- Yeah, Atlantis.
On a scale of one to 10, this village being a three- Oh, Atlantis is definitely a 10.
- It is? - Oh, yeah.
And those flying ships, you still have those? You mean the Jumpers? We have several.
Oh, yeah.
How interesting.
Tell me more.
Ach, Lucius, I think I could do much better than that.
Incoming wormhole.
Opening the shield.
Dr.
Becketts IDC.
Its about time.
Carson.
Oh, my! When you said this place was a 10 I thought,« ou »?Okay, maybe its an eight and a half, » but this - Carson? - Oh, Dr.
Weir permit me to introduce Lucius Luvin.
Speaking of stunning You never told me anything about her.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah I am definitely gonna like it here.
I cant believe you brought him here without permission.
- I didnt think youd mind.
- You didnt think Id mind? You know the protocols.
You even helped come up with them.
Theres so much he can offer us.
This the same guy who said he could cure my cold in a week? I know my business, Colonel Sheppard.
He happens to have created several medicines that are quite remarkable.
- Really? That guy? - Aye.
He also possesses many valuable herbs and spices and gourds.
- Did you just say gourds? - Yes, Rodney, gourds.
We dont know everything, despite what you may think.
He could prove to be a very powerful ally.
Hes a very wise and kind man.
Are you feeling all right? What do you mean? - Its just, youre acting a little - Smitten? I had another word in mind.
- This is not something to treat lightly.
- No, it isnt.
Youve brought a stranger without prior approval.
Now he knows about the city, as well as our gate address.
Lucius would do nothing to harm us.
He comes in peace.
As our friend.
You have his word and mine on that.
- Do you think he poses a threat? - Definitely a nuisance.
If what Beckett says is correct, these medicines could be of value.
Just keep an eye on him.
McKay and I are heading out.
Tell Teyla and Ronon not to let him out of their sight.
Here we are.
Its perfect.
Because you could have my personal quarters if you wanted.
Oh, no, no.
Dont be silly, Carson.
I mean, you know IIl take a look at what you have, if you insist but thisIl do fine for now.
Oh, good.
Im so pleased.
Just let me know if you want anything.
I cant think of anything I want more than just being here.
Except that- What? - No, its nothing.
- No, tell me.
Well, I get the feeling that your friends dont like having me around.
Oh, Lucius.
Just give them a chance to get to know you.
- Well, I just hope I get that chance.
- Oh, you will, I promise.
Im sure Dr.
Weir will want to negotiate an alliance between your people and ours.
- Really? - Really.
Oh, thatd be great.
Hello.
I was gonna go get something to eat.
They forgot to bring me something.
Are you guys not allowed to talk? Guests are not permitted to move about unescorted.
Well, what do you say you escort me, then? - You dont like me yet, do you? - Yet? Im sorry.
My manners fail when I am in the presence of a beautiful woman.
- Isnt she something, huh? - Yeah.
- We will have something sent to you.
- Oh, no.
Come on.
- Dont make me sit all alone.
Please? - WeIl both take you.
Both.
Both is good.
Yeah, weIl get to know each other, then, okay? Like, how do you get your hair to go like that? Just listen to what he has to say.
Thank you.
Fine.
I must say, Im starting to get concerned about your interest in this man.
It seems excessive.
And I find it puzzling why youve chosen to greet Lucius with such hostility.
Perhaps its because you broke protocol, endangering- And for that, I am sorry, but can we please move on past that one mistake and not further alienate a potential ally? Fine.
Have him come up to my office.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Yeah.
Hello, Dr.
Weir.
Thank you for granting me this audience.
Its hardly that, Mr.
Luvin.
No, please.
Lucius.
May this be the first of many gifts that our people exchange.
Thank you.
I made it myself.
The gourd is from the marshes of my home world topped with a candle thats made from the congealed tallow of an animal that I killed with my bare hands.
How nice.
Its nothing.
- Please, have a seat.
- After you.
What are you doing? I was told that youd like to negotiate an alliance between our two peoples.
An alliance? Okay.
Sure.
Thats why Im here, is to talk about that.
Well, then, why dont you start by telling me what you have to offer us? Besides candles.
Right.
One tiny settlement on the entire planet? Look, all wed have to do is relocate them.
Were not evacuating an entire planet so we can take their gate.
Hey.
Welcome back.
Wheres Zelenka? - Well, hes not here.
- No.
No ones here.
Where is everyone? Im standing outside.
I dont know what to do.
I ran.
I ran.
I ran.
And, mind you, Im the guy whos holding the weapon, okay? So heres what I do.
Okay.
Im standing there and Im running and I see the beast just coming towards me so I just step to my left, I turn around, and just as hes coming to me I take my sword, I draw it and I lop off its head.
And- Yeah.
And I bend over, I pick it up and I walk in triumph back to the village.
- Amazing.
- You didnt.
Oh, yes, my giant friend, I did, and let me tell you this: I had no trouble finding female companionship that night.
If you know what I mean.
- Repeatedly.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What the hell is going on? What do you mean? What do I mean? We leave for a few hours and Lucius turns you all into Stepford wives.
What did he do to you? Absolutely nothing.
Carson was right about him.
I agree.
He has much to offer us.
Herbs and gourds? Please.
The medicines alone are worth whatever he asks.
The ointment is worth something? - I havent actually tested it.
- Youre taking his word for it? - You got a problem with that? - Me? No.
He might.
Teyla, this is the man who asked you to be his seventh wife.
I know.
I hope I didnt upset him.
You just havent taken the time to get to know Lucius.
Carson is right.
Again.
Look, I think he could be a great asset to us.
He has traveled extensively throughout this galaxy and gathered a tremendous amount of intelligence.
Has he shared any of this intelligence? Not yet but he did give me this.
A very wise and kind man.
This is creeping me out.
Yeah.
Reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually.
Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman make him fall in love with her.
Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her.
Kind of a turn-on, actually.
Julie Newmar in the cat outfit- - Eartha Kitt was Catwoman.
- Not till season three.
- Really? - Yeah.
You didnt know that? Oh, so anyway, I did a little investigating, and Surveillance footage from his quarters.
- Whats this? - I took the liberty of searching his room.
Theres some residue from the liquid in the vial.
ItIl take some time to break it down.
I could have used Carsons help on this, but- Hes off picking daffodils for his new friend.
Right.
Thats brilliant.
This is actually how we found your planet.
So you fly to a planet, you take the gate, you fly away.
We try to take stargates that are in fixed orbit around a planet and then, only if the planet is uninhabited.
It wouldnt be right to take a gate from a world that depended on it for trade.
Wait a minute.
Ive heard of this planet.
- You have? - Yeah, I have and I heard that this planet is completely uninhabited.
Its what I heard.
I dont know about you guys, but I got a good feeling about this planet.
Well, then we could retrofit the gate for space deployment.
Beautiful and brilliant.
The two Bs.
Dr.
Weir.
Oh, hi, John.
We were just discussing the gate-harvesting program.
- Yeah, I heard.
- And Lucius knows of an excellent planet we should investigate.
I heard that too.
We got intel that the Wraith recently set up a major outpost there.
An alliance of three hives.
- No.
Really? - Has your intel been verified? We havent put boots on the ground, no, but our contacts are trustworthy.
Not gonna send a team down there when theres still plenty of gates to scout.
John, you are way behind Rodneys quota.
Forget Rodneys quota.
I am not sending a team into harms way.
You know what? Colonel Sheppard is right.
Dont get me wrong.
With your advanced weapons you could easily dispose of a tiny Wraith outpost, if there even is one.
But ultimately is it worth the risk? No matter how small that risk may be.
- Sure, people may label you a coward- - Will you knock it off? Colonel.
I think its worth investigating.
No.
I wont allow it.
John, are you questioning my authority? Yeah, when it comes to the security of this base, youre damn right I am.
From now on, no one goes through that gate without my authorization.
What a terrible cold he must have.
This is not like him, Lucius.
I apologize.
He makes me uncomfortable.
Hes really a good man.
I dont see it.
If he doesnt come around, youre gonna have to do something.
Élizabeth wants to send a team to check out a gate - at a suspected Wraith outpost.
- Is she nuts? Everybodys nuts, Rodney.
Havent you noticed? - Right.
- We need to figure out why.
Im working on it, but theres not enough liquid.
- I need more.
- IIl go back to Luciusvillage.
- Im sure he keeps a stash.
- Youre leaving me here alone? You said you need the liquid.
- The place is turning into a nuthouse.
- Somebodys gotta stay.
Keep away from the nuts.
Disable the DHD as soon as Im gone.
Prevent anybody from dialing out, okay? Willa.
Sheppard.
Sheppard.
- Are you all right? - Where is he? - Lucius? - Did you take him? Of course, if you did, were not angry.
He came to my planet on his own.
Please send him back.
It hurts us to be away from him for so long.
Have you always felt this way about him? No, but one day as he returned from trading his wares with a distant people he told me a story, a wonderful wise, sweet story about something he accidentally stepped in.
And from that day forward we saw him for the wonderful man he truly is.
And before that? I am ashamed to admit that I refused to share his bed more than once and since he is gone, everyone is growing sick.
- It has only gotten worse.
- Take it easy.
Have you ever seen him drink, like, a liquid from a small vial? - His daily medicine.
- Does he need more? - I could bring it to him.
- We both can.
I can handle it.
Well, if we get you some, will you bring him home? Sure.
Incoming wormhole.
Colonel Sheppards IDC.
I did.
I jumped in.
I jump in the marsh and Im looking at four of them.
I know, I mean, four of them there - and I dont know which one to save.
- What did you do? And the next day, she became my wife.
My fifth wife, and now I have six.
You are a scoundrel.
Thats what you are.
Come here.
You gotta hear this.
Lucius was telling the most hysterical story.
You know they have marmots on his planet? Theyre not marmots, exactly, but its a rodent similar- - You said you were gonna stay away.
- Yes, well, I tried to keep to myself but Lucius here was concerned for me, so he just came down- Ronon held me against the wall.
- -and Lucius and I had a nice, long talk.
- Oh, you did? - And let me tell you we have nothing to worry about.
This guys just a big knucklehead.
Arent you, you big knucklehead? Wheres Élizabeth? Shes out making me something to eat.
- What? - I dont know.
She said it was a surprise.
So Rodney and I were waiting here for the team to return.
- We thought that you were them.
- Teyla, Ronon, Beckett.
They volunteered to check out M6H-491.
- I told you- - Disable the DHD, I know.
Im sorry, I didnt.
But come on Ronon and Teyla can handle themselves.
- What about Beckett? - Now, he can walk on his hands.
He showed Lucius before he left.
You should have seen it.
He was down on his hands McKay.
We dont know for sure that there are Wraith on the planet.
WeIl find out soon enough, wont we? We sure will.
Atlantis, this is Beckett.
Were coming in hot.
- You all right? - It was a little rough, but were good.
It was all terribly exciting.
Well, I guess we can assume there are Wraith on that planet.
Yes.
Many.
Now, dont overreact, John.
Are you kidding me? You send a team led by Beckett to a planet full of Wraith.
How do you expect me to react? Well, firstly, they volunteered.
And secondly, we got the herb.
Carson, I will tell people of the tale of your bravery for many years to come.
- You will? - Yes, I will.
You sent them to get an herb? We wanted to go.
Okay.
Ive just about had enough.
Dont touch it.
What on earth is wrong with you, John? We were just helping a friend.
And theres nothing wrong with that.
I think theres something wrong with him.
You know what? Im just tired.
Its this damn cold.
I apologize.
Maybe you should get some rest.
Youre probably right.
I just need a good nights sleep.
What does this do? That engages the HUD, Heads Up Display.
Heads up.
I love that.
It gives me information when flying the Jumper: - Navigation, weapons.
- You fly this thing? - I can fly it too.
- Yes.
Now that you received the ATA therapy, which I invented.
I was born with a gene which makes me more proficient - at operating Ancient technology.
- He doesnt fly any better.
- Dont you lie- - All right, all right.
Boys stop fighting.
A gene, you say? Its a genetic fingerprint, if you will, which allows someone to operate any technology on Atlantis.
I developed an inoculation which allows those who dont naturally possess the gene, such as Dr.
McKay, to use it.
Really? A gene.
Just an inoculation, huh? Thats great.
You know whats really interesting.
If you look at this here Doc? Could I speak with you for a sec? Excuse me.
I think there might be something wrong with me.
Its all right, son.
Admitting it is the first step.
So you finally came around, did you? Once you get a chance to know Lucius, hes really a very wise and kind- Oh, crap.
Why is the Jumper bay roof opening? Jumper 3s starting up.
Whos in it? - I dont know.
- Jumper 3, please identify.
Jumper 3, this is Flight.
Identify yourself.
Look, close the door.
Its too late.
Its left the bay.
Hey, Carson.
Sorry about that.
What-? Why-? Im taking you to the mainland.
Its for your own good.
Trust me.
- How often does that happen? - Never.
We have strict flight protocol- - Hed have to have a key- - A security officer saw Sheppard carrying Beckett to the Jumper bay before the Jumper took off.
- So it was them in the flying machine? - My computers missing.
- A tablet, two drives, all my research.
- I told you that man was dangerous.
I have to say, I am very disappointed right now.
I am so very sorry, Lucius.
Mobilize Jumper teams.
I want them found.
Yes.
Theyre very good.
They will find them.
I need to get back.
No, you dont.
Lucius needs me.
You have no right to abduct me like this.
Call it an intervention.
You probably dont realize it now but what youre going through is kind of like a detox.
Now, according to research Rodney was able to do before joining the Lucius fan club that liquid hes been drinking contains some kind of a chemical.
It interacts with the body and causes a secretion of a pheromone and then theres something about gamma activity in the « prefrontral cortrex.
» Prefrontal cortex.
The part of the brain responsible for positive emotions.
See? Thats why I need you.
It seems that when people are exposed to this pheromone in close proximity, it makes them easy to influence.
The longer theyre exposed, the worse the addiction gets.
You mean literally an addictive personality? Thats what it looks like.
Its rubbish.
Check for yourself.
I will bet you a years pay that the liquid in that vial is some kind of an extract made from the herb you collected for him.
He made you his mule.
If this is true, why werent you affected? My cold.
I can hardly breathe.
Plus, I havent been around him much.
Look.
I would just kidnap him and take him away somewhere till the pheromone wore off but the people back on his planet are starting to get sick.
It looks like theyre gonna get worse.
I dont want to - put our people through that.
- Youre doing it to me right now.
Buck up, Carson.
You havent been exposed that long.
Look, I need you to figure out a way how to counteract this thing.
Theres gotta be an antidote of some kind.
I cant.
Yes, you can.
You can beat it.
But he needs me.
We should head back.
Weve been searching for hours.
We just left, McKay.
I dont like being this far away from Atlantis.
Lucius is worried.
- You think hes worried? - Jumper 2, report.
Were reading several life signs.
They might be Athosian hunting parties.
WeIl check them.
- Lucius worried about us? - Lucius? Hes fine.
Just keep looking.
I should have stayed with him.
Wait just a minute.
What is it? Dont move.
- That things set to stun, right? - Yeah.
Good.
Carson, are you all right? I will be, once I get back to Lucius.
What did you shoot him for? Now were gonna have to carry him all the way back to the Jumper.
Good morning, colonel.
I want to apologize for this harsh treatment.
I hate that Élizabeth had to do this.
Cut the crap.
So that herb of yours One of my greatest discoveries.
Well, its my only great discovery, but you got to admit, its pretty great.
Howd you get by before that? I was a baker.
Bread, mostly.
The occasional muffin at festival time.
So that herb pretty much changed everything.
Yeah.
Yeah, I baked it into my own bread- I like to experiment.
- -and I noticed that people started to like me.
Well, hate me less but pretty soon it became like.
So I perfected a potion.
It worked great for years.
Then the Wraith set up an outpost on the only planet where I could get the herb.
I knew I could never go back there.
Then we showed up.
Im telling you, it was fate.
And everybody wanted to help, so I let them.
See, thats the great thing about this herb.
Nobody gets hurt.
They just wanna help me all the time.
Whats wrong with that? Im a nice guy.
I never make them do anything - they didnt wanna do.
- Six wives.
Sometimes all at once.
When you get over this cold, were gonna have a long chat.
Face to face.
And I got a feeling were gonna become the best of friends.
And youre gonna wanna help me too, all the time.
And youIl love it.
Just a warning, Lucius.
You get too close to me, itIl be the last thing you do.
Thats all right, colonel.
Im in no rush.
Lucius? Yeah, go ahead, Carson.
- Ive finished preparing the inoculation.
- All right, IIl be right down.
I gotta go get an inoculation.
WeIl talk after.
- Giving you the ATA therapy? - Yeah.
Isnt that great? There.
All done.
Now, remember, its only effective in 47 percent of those who receive it.
Well, Im a naturally lucky fella.
The only way to know for sure is to have you try to operate something.
Okay.
It takes about an hour to be effective.
In the meantime, just rest easy, dear friend.
Are you okay? Can I get you anything? No, Rodney.
Im fine.
- You sure? - Absolutely.
- Because it would no trouble.
- Mess hall.
Blue Jell-O.
- Just a little bit of whipped cream.
- Right away.
We really should talk about marriage.
Jumper 1, this is Flight.
The bay doors are open.
You are go for launch.
« Go for launch.
» Thats so exciting.
Thanks, Rodney.
All right, here goes.
- IIl take it from here.
- What-? Wait.
Youre supposed to be in jail.
- Carson.
- Save your breath.
Your charm no longer has any effect on me.
No.
No, but, Carson - Were supposed to be best of friends.
- Carson didnt give you the ATA gene.
What? Its a serum that effectively neutralizes the chemical in that herb of yours.
Took some myself.
I dont know what that means.
It means we can have that face-to-face conversation you wanted us to have.
The only thing thatIl happen is youIl catch my cold.
What is taking him so long? Okay, I should go up there.
Wait.
Wait.
Theyre taking off.
It worked.
Hes flying it.
Fly, Lucius, fly.
- Where are you taking me? - Little vacation.
Time to let Dr.
Beckett give the serum to my people without you interfering.
And then what? Then maybe IIl take you back home.
Im sure your people will be thrilled to see you again.
You would do that for me? Without even being under the effect of the herb? - After all I did? - Well, Im a nice guy.
Oh, colonel, I cant thank you enough.
Thank you so much- After I give them the serum.
So how was Luciushomecoming? Well, they didnt kill him although I do see a string of divorces in his future.
If they havent strung him up first.
The townspeople are over their withdrawal.
I doubt thatIl happen.
That is, unless we discover hes revealed the location of Atlantis to anyone.
In which case I said Id track him down - hang him by his feet and cut off his- - Thank you.
We get the idea.
So everyone here back to normal? Were still fine, John.
No lingering desires? Secret longings for his touch? Its embarrassing enough without you constantly reminding us, thank you.
All right, all right.
Anyway, I better get back and clean your quarters before the next scout.
Right.
Rodney.
It was one teeny, tiny taste for research purposes.
- Burn it.
- All of it.
Right now.
Fine.
Story of my life.