The Almighty Johnsons (2011) s03e03 Episode Script

An unfortunate side effect of me losing my godliness is that Dawn has wiped me from her memory banks.
I don't want us to be just friends, Dawn.
Sorry, who are you? Dawn loved me once.
All I'm trying to do is find some common ground so that maybe it can happen again.
Hey, how you doing? When you became not a god anymore, was a full frontal lobotomy part of the process? Dawn and I are getting on like a house on fire and she walked away and when I turned around, she was looking at me like I was some kind of monster.
Has Dawn ever been in that room? Only when Eva locked her in and she almost died.
You have to imagine that might leave something of a scar on the subconscious.
And officially I truly do love you.
Will you marry me? Olaf: As long as the two of them inhabit the same godly postcode, they will find a way to knob each other.
Last night, I slept with Anders.
I lied to you.
It's the worst thing I've ever done.
(Shouting) You need to know that I'm not proud of what's happened.
(Shouting) Axl! (Crash) Gaia: I need to be as far away from gods as I can get.
And that includes you.
On the phone, when you said you loved cooking and cleaning, you meant that, right? Well, I said I don't mind cooking and I like a clean house.
That is my room and this will be your room.
- This is tidy.
- Exactly.
And it can be yours.
Well, it's good it's so close to the Lordswoods.
The Christian bookshop? Right.
- Do you have a problem with that? - No.
And you're okay that I play the accordion? Second favourite instrument, straight after the bouzouki.
What about that room? That's the other flatmate, Axl.
Who isn't here.
Probably at Tech, studying.
You'll like him.
- Who are you? - Wow, you're back from Tech.
I was having a dream.
- Axl.
- What? - Dude.
- What? Your ting-ting.
Without any canvas.
(Laughs) So a towel would be appropriate right about now.
This towel smells of poop, dude.
Right.
About the advance-- (Door slams) I'm telling you, it's getting way worse.
How hard can it be to find a flatmate when there's a housing shortage? - Most places have people queuing.
- Do most places have Axl Johnson? Sharing is overrated, is all I'm saying.
And if you can't deal with that, that's your problem.
Let me guess, marriage breakup? I mean, that's the only reason an old dude goes flatting, right? And you're a nurse.
Is this some kind of sick joke? Okay, I will talk to him.
- Again.
- And cover Axl's rent again? (Thud) Man: Whatever happened to the other guy? He kind of moved on.
Man: He really knew his shit when it came to fridges, that guy.
Yeah, he did.
So is it fixed yet? It will be.
That's what you said yesterday.
I know.
If it's not bloody fixed this time, I'm getting another company in.
(Splash) (Groan) I have one question: why? (Balls click) Why what? Are we here? - Thought you might like a game.
- Why? Get you out and about a bit.
You've been a bitreclusive lately.
No.
Why would you think I want to play pool with you? - You like pool.
- Not with you.
You always win.
I won't.
- I'm not powered up.
- You will.
I'll play left-handed.
So I'll feel even worse.
Axl, I know you've been through a really crap time lately, but you have got to stop taking it out on the world.
It's time to move on, buddy.
Right.
Any suggestions where I might move on to? Your studies, maybe? Basic life stuff? Like getting a flatmate might be a step in the right direction.
So you can stop covering my rent? - I'm not talking about the rent.
- Yeah, you are.
A teensy bit, but I'm mainly talking about you getting through this.
Whatever, Mike.
(Balls clicking) I swear I did not mean to do that.
I meant to go it off.
Great, so you were going to throw the game.
I'm not a child, Mike! - Then how about you stop acting like one! - Get off my case! I'm totally fine.
(Thump) What it is to be young and heartbroken.
Not that I remember.
It was an awful long time ago.
Well, try taking all the worst moody aspects of being a teenager.
Well, he suffered a shattering blow to his ego.
His self esteem's in tatters.
He's residing behind a wall of pain, sheltering from the storm of hurricane heartbreak.
Any chance you can deliver less bad poetry and more actual advice? Leave Axl to me.
To do what exactly? Life's like a cardboard box.
- How? - It has sides.
It has a bottom that can fall out and a lid.
You can't put anything in the box unless you open that lid.
Axl's bottom's fallen out.
I can open his lid.
Sounds good.
Where do I sign? I mean, they love this place! They even love the kooky fridge room-- foodies who age their own beef.
Wonderful.
Do I need to sign something? When I say they love this place, Ty, I mean I can nudge them up another 20k, no problem.
The offer's fine.
Possibly 30.
I'm good.
Just show me where to sign.
Initial here and sign there.
- They'll be thrilled.
- I'm happy for them.
I'll be in touch.
(Clears throat) Ty, don't you think selling your house and packing in your career all in the same day is quite a lot of life-changing decisions in a short space of time? Yeah, well, repairing fridges isn't the career I want anymore.
Ingrid, you know, it was only ever going to be temporary.
Well, it's not about me, Ty.
I'll find somewhere else to live.
I need a clean slate, Ingrid.
So do you.
Yeah, but my slate is always clean.
That's my main problem.
I can't help you.
I know, because you've got no job and and pretty soon no house and soon my car might be all that we've got.
- I will buy a smaller place that's more me.
- And Dawn.
- No, no, nothing to do with Dawn.
- But somewhere that Dawn might like to live.
A small, one-bedroom place where I can - re-evaluate what I want to do with my life.
- Like getting a job.
Yeah, for starters.
You could work for me.
As a cycle courier? What, is that less exciting than repairing fridges? (Door slams) Tyrone Johnson! Do you actually think in your tiny mortal mind that this is your house to sell? - Yes, because it's mine.
- Gifted to you by me when you were plundering my daughter - my dear departed daughter.
- Who left a will, which has long since cleared probate without a word from you, leaving it to me.
Oh yes, I remember now.
You're the Johnson who fancies himself as a bit of a fucking legal expert! No, I'm the Johnson who can read a will.
And I have a solicitor.
They're quite handy.
Did you not think to speak to me before you sold? Didn't know you gave a shit.
This house has special memories for me.
Of Eva.
Not so many of you.
Yeah, well, the good thing about memories is they live on in the mind.
- This house will not be sold.
- I've already accepted an offer.
- Really? - Yeah.
- (Whispers) Wanker.
- I heard that! (Saw whirring) (Door clicks) Ah, the boxman cometh.
- Did you talk to Axl? - I talked to him, yep.
And? Um, well, I talked to him.
And did he talk back? At first.
At first? Well, I said, "Come with me to the beach," and he said, "Oh, whatever.
" So we went to the beach.
And then? Are you at all familiar with tht term upholstered? As in when you're sitting on the couch with your grandpa, who's got you so incredibly stoned that your body becomes at one with the couch? Yeah, you upholstered me in the past, grandpa.
Okay.
Then I need you to think of nature as a very large couch.
I know how it is to have darkness around the town of your heart.
You know you can talk to me.
You open up to me, Axl.
I know you want to.
(Chuckling) It's not my fault Axl has a remarkably low tolerance for excellent drugs.
Tell me you did not leave him on his own in nature? No way.
We drove back into town very slowly got lost a couple of times-- but he's safely home and on some levels, he's way happier.
(Laughter) (Thud) (Laughter) On all other levels, there's been little significant improvement.
Someone's saying that.
I really, really, really like this place.
- And it has a second bedroom! - Ingrid, give it up! It's small, but I don't mind small.
I have few needs: a roof, a bed.
People say they hardly know that I'm here.
- It's perfect.
- Yes, yes, yes, Dawn would love it.
No, it's not about Dawn.
It's about me making a new start.
In a place that Dawn would love when she finally finds you irresistible.
Can we talk about the whole Colin thing? - Colin is irrelevant.
- Loki is never irrelevant.
It's my house to sell and I'm not a god anymore, so why should he care? In fact, he's everything I'm trying to leave behind.
(Door slams) (Wood clacking) Can a guy still get a drink in this work-in-progress sorry excuse for a bar? (Clinking) I need everyone to stop trying to help.
It's not helping.
- We care about you, Axl.
- Well, don't.
I'm fine.
I'm just - Depressed? - No.
- Mike: Because you seem depressed.
- No! Maybe.
Okay, yeah.
Life just seems a little crap right now.
(Scoffs) Can you blame me? (Sigh) I totally bought into the whole god thing.
And Gaia being my Frigg and that was a spectacular fail.
Then I tried to rise above it and thought it we ignored it, we could be true to ourselves and love each other on a mortal level, like you and Val did.
Okay, not a great example.
Anyway, now what? Here I am, Axl Johnson, 23, part Odin, but mostly nothing much.
Please, I can't even pay my own rent.
I'm helping you with that.
Yeah, 'cause you're the cool god who can win it back anytime he feels like it.
- No, because you're my brother.
- Yeah, the uncool, loser god.
Who happens to be the living incarnation of Odin, - the all father.
- Yeah.
which makes me feel like I've been given a job to drive one of those really big diggers, but fucked if I know what the levers do.
Yeah, people underestimate how hard it is to drive a digger.
But you want to know the thing that hurts the most? The thing that truly defines me as a loser with a capital L? That my own brother shafted me.
Because before this whole "Gaia isn't actually the Frigg" fiasco at least I had one thing I could be proud of and that was that I was part of a family.
I was a Johnson brother.
I liked that.
And yeah, maybe we are all a bit screwed up, but at least I was part of us.
Not anymore.
I got a letter today from Tech.
They're failing me on account I haven't shown up enough.
I'm the first person to ever fail that course.
At least I can be proud of that, right? Good talk, Mike.
(Door clicks) Mike, it's been a while.
That's because you've been hiding.
Me? Hide? Never.
Why? You need to apologize to Axl.
I thought we were done with all this? He's on an emotional flatline, Anders.
Okay, let's get the facts straight, again, Okay? - I did not want to sleep with Axl's missus.
- Beside the point.
Destiny drove me and forced me to bed her on, yeah, more than one occasion, but don't think that I enjoyed it.
Well, yes, I enjoyed it.
I mean, the sex was incredible.
So spiritual in a perverse sort of way.
But I did not want to do it, so in that respect, I did not enjoy it.
You know what this means, Mike? - I'm sure you're going to tell me.
- It means that I feel violated too.
In some ways, I'm the real victim in all this.
You know, when you talk shit, it doesn't work on me, right? - I'm talking from the heart, Mike.
- If you had a heart, you would apologize to Axl.
Back to the facts: Axl nearly killed me with that stunt in the bar, actually killed me, so he's the one who should be apologizing.
Oh, you're incredible.
I know it was Gaia's take on things.
And you don't give a shit that Axl is now staring down a long, dark tunnel and not seeing a way out? What, you seriously telling me that Axl's going to kill himself? There's no way that Axl would top himself.
He's not that tragic.
What if we're wrong and we realize too late? And if Axl dies, we die.
I'm acutely aware of that, Mike.
All I'm asking is that you step up and do the right thing.
Shouldn't be too hard.
You're our man of words, right? Two words: I'm sorry.
Yeah, of course.
You're good at talking, but when it comes to doing, you're weak.
Axl's girl dumped him and buggered off overseas.
Let him wallow for a bit.
Then he can come back, get on with his life, and ours.
Axl failed his course.
Maybe he's not seeing too much of a life to be going on with right now.
He failed building tech? Is that even possible? Somehow Axl managed it.
Are you going to apologize or not? You mean am I going to prostrate myself in front of my little brother and say I'm sorry for doing something over which I had no control? Never.
Stop being his father.
I can't, in the continued absence of his actual father.
Let Axl fail for once.
He'll learn from it.
You don't exactly overflow with the milk of human kindness, do you? I am what my mother made me.
That's what you want me to be to Axl? No, I don't want you to be his mother either.
I'm merely making the point that I am, by nature and by nurture a survivor.
And Axl can be too.
- I don't want him to fail.
- You so mollycoddle him.
Mike: What am I meant to do? Well, finishing this place would be good.
You said it would take a month.
It's a work in progress.
Progress can't progress if you're too bloody busy worrying about everybody else, Mike.
(Smooch) (Lively rock music) Ingrid, what are you do Tyrone! - What the hell are you doing here? - What does it look like? You know, the thing I like most about this tune is it makes me horny and angry at the same time! How about you? You need to leave.
Sex and vengeance, two of my favourite things.
Leave, now.
The mortal telling me to go, to depart the very domicile that the god so graciously bestowed upon the mortal.
- Doesn't seem fair.
- By bestowed, you mean bribed.
- It doesn't seem proper! - My house now, to do with as I wish! Yes, your house, yours to sell.
But whose was it to insure? Yes, Eva's.
That was Eva's job.
"Oh daddy, thank you for this beautiful house.
Is there anything you need me to do? "Yes Eva, my most dutiful daughter.
You must insure this generous gift.
" "Oh daddy, would you do that for me?" And today, it occurred to me that I may have just forgotten to do that very thing! (Fire whooshes) So yes, it is your house to sell and yes, you have accepted an offer but who's going to want to settle on a house that is nothing but a pile of ash?! (Flames whooshing) Quickly, call for Hod, the fireman of the gods.
He'll extinguish the flames with his icy demeanour! Yeah, Hod! (Flames whooshing) Oh, that's right.
Hod's left the building and soon there'll be no building left! Yes, go on, scurry off, boy.
Oh shit, Ingrid! Go, run away! Ah, your funeral.
Why is Colin dancing in the middle? (Coughing) Whose house is it now, eh? Hey? (Laughter) Did anyone actually see Colin there? He vanished well before the fire department arrived.
And the place is well and truly totalled.
Oh yeah.
He got me big-time, Mike.
Cleaned me out.
You still own the land, right? He can't burn that.
By the time they got the fire under control, it'd spread to the neighbouring property.
And they were not happy.
And they made it abundantly clear that they hold me liable for the damage.
So I'm guessing what I get for the land will go toward that.
What a wanker.
So in need of putting in his box.
No, I don't want to be responsible for starting a war.
Personally, I think the war started a long, long time ago.
It's done, it's over.
He made his point, he's had his joll-- Leave it, Mike.
I don't want you to kick off some god bullshit thing over me.
(Phone ringing) Mikhail, what can I do for you at this ungodly hour? Congratulations, Colin.
You've once again proved you're a fucking psychopath.
But let's get one thing clear: from now on, you stay far, far away from Ty.
Don't worry, Mikhail, I wash my hands of that traitor.
And you haven't? He's still my brother and I stand up for all my brothers.
That's very touching, with just that hint of homoeroticism that you do so well.
Well, let me clear on one thing, Mikhail: if either you or your mortal brother feels the need to run around making certain accusations, then I have two people here, daughters of fine Auckland families, both of whom will swear that I was with them all night.
- Mike: I wouldn't even bother, Colin.
- Wise move.
Because when you get yours-- and you will, because Loki always does-- it will be at my hands.
Tell your insipid godless, cockless brother I'm truly sorry for his loss.
(Soft thump) Enough? For now.
(Clears throat) So is there any chance that we could stay for a while? Mike, what brings you here? Okay, come in, guys.
Okay, first things first.
These guys need somewhere to crash.
You have a spare room.
Why? - My house burned down.
- No shit.
How? Colin.
- Loki burned your house down? - Yep.
Bummer.
Second thing, get dressed.
- Why? - We're going to Tech to talk to your supervisor.
- It's over, Mike.
- No.
(Click) I am sick of this family getting the shit kicked out of them.
You're not going down without a fight.
That won't work.
A fail is final.
Get dressed.
(Scoffs) So let me just get this right.
You want them to be our new flatmates.
No, they're just people in need who need somewhere to crash.
So they're flatmates.
No, they're guests.
Just for a while.
Until I get back on my feet.
- And my feet too.
- No, no, that is cool.
Anything we can do to help.
Mi casa si casa and all that.
Can I have a word? (Door latch clicks) Guests don't actually pay rent.
Zeb, have you heard of the good Samaritan? The Christian parable thing is really confusing coming from a Norse god.
Say after me, "Yes Mike I will give shelter to your brother who had his house burnt down by a maniac.
" And I'm good with that, but I have to pay the rent, man.
I pay your bloody rent anyway.
Axl's.
Not the spare room's.
(Rustling) This is absolutely the last time.
Should we go two weeks in advance then? - Welcome to your new abode.
- Oh, thank you, Zeb.
- Yeah, really appreciate it.
- Happy to help out.
Grab your stuff.
So you guys are happy top and tailing then? Yeah, it's fine by me.
Good.
Let's go.
You okay? (Patting) The thing is, Axl's been through quite a tough family time this year.
So I was hoping a bit of leniency might be in order if Axl could you know, figure out a way to make up for all the classes that he's missed.
No, I fully understand.
It isn't a problem.
Axl, you've officially graduated.
- How? - Your other brother, Anders, isn't it? He dropped in this morning, explained everything.
I think you're a very brave man, I suppose.
Okay, what exactly did Anders say? The thing with Axl is that family's the most important thing in the world to him.
And for a lot of this year, when he should have been studying, he was spending it helping his sister Mikela as she made the transition to Michael, our newest brother.
Axl was amazing through Michael's long, difficult gender reassignment process, the mood swings, during the hormone therapy, the disappointment after the surgery when Michael realized that he was only ever going to have a really, really tiny penis.
Axl was there the whole time, holding her and then his hand, reassuring him that a small dick is better than no dick at all.
And I think it would be morally wrong not to mention a possible breach of the Bill Of Rights to fail him for helping a family member with their sexual identity, don't you agree? (Street din) He's such a cock.
Interesting choice of words.
He didn't have to do that.
Hey, at least he was doing something for someone else for once.
Not that.
I mean, dissing you like that.
There was no need.
It's just Anders.
I don't mind.
- Wanker.
- I know, but it's cool.
You should be grateful.
The thing is, Mike, I truly don't give a shit whether I pass this course or not.
In the big picture, it means nothing.
Okay.
That's it.
We need a Bergerbar.
- I'm not hungry.
- No, a Bergerbar, it's a type of thing, a breaking of bread between brothers and it's time we had one.
- Do we have to? - Yes.
In this tradition, does the oldest brother shout? Why not? He's paying for every other bloody thing.
Everything that was in my house is now gone.
Stacey did say you wanted a clean slate.
I wasn't planning on the slate being quite this clean.
Well, at least we've got a roof over our heads.
And for a couple of losers, that's something, isn't it, Ty? Ty's only a loser in the sense he's lost everything.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
I wasn't saying it like it was a bad thing.
To not be chained by material possessions can be liberating.
I quite like material possessions.
Like clothes, for instance.
Think of it like your life has had an enema.
- Strangely how it feels.
- Yes, enemas do feel strange, but they're also very cleansing.
Yeah, I suppose they are.
And now you can follow your dreams.
- Hi guys.
- Hey babe.
(Smooch) - How was work? - Oh, shittiest day ever.
I hate all cycle couriers and everything to do with them.
Is that job still going? Totally.
You'll love it.
It's a really rewarding career, except financially.
- You see? Following your dreams.
- No, no, I just really need a job.
Oh, you're going to love this job, man.
I hope so, Lance.
You know, becoming a cycle courier's like becoming part of a brotherhood.
I can relate to that.
I mean, women can be in that brotherhood too, but - Right.
- It's still a brotherhood, but - But with sisters in it.
- Yes.
You got it, man.
You so get it.
You're going to do great, man.
And you are good to go, my friend.
Cool.
Um, - should I have a bike? - Yes.
There we go.
This is a spare one.
It's an awesome bike.
We call it the Flying Pussy.
- Right.
- Used to be Shania's, but she's not with us anymore, so we don't talk about that.
Oh, I'm sorry.
- But the bike's still okay? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah It's not like it's a girls' bike.
This totally a dude's bike.
Fixed gear, is that okay? No, no, I mean after the accident.
I presume that's what you don't talk about.
Oh shit no.
We talk about prangs all the time.
They're badges of honour, man.
No, no, I meant she left to be a motorcycle courier.
Completely sold out.
- Right.
- Still, you should feel honoured to be in her saddle, man.
- I will be.
- Cool.
- Listen to your radio.
It'll tell you where to go.
- Got it.
Hey, I've got to shoot, but we should catch up for a bevy Brother - from another mother.
See you, man.
- See you, Lance.
(Doors shuts) (Phone ringing) - Mike? - A Bergerbar, tonight.
- Ty: Bergerbar? - Yep.
Does it matter that I'm not a god anymore? - Still a brother.
- Then yeah.
As if I can say no.
Mike: Okay, see you then.
So unfair.
No, you can't come.
- You're kidding.
- Mike: No.
- Why? - Take a guess, dipshit.
- Axl? - Mike: Correct.
Look, I saved his career today, okay? I've done more than enough.
Yeah, bravo to you.
I'm still calling a Bergerbar.
And you do remember the penalty for not attending one? Yes, Mikhail.
You pricks get to come to my house and take anything you want.
And given that Ty's just lost everything, you stand to lose a lot, buddy.
I so preferred you when you were a woman.
I'll text the venue.
(Heavy sigh) Get over it, grandpa.
The term brother does not extend to grandfathers who act like brothers.
It's not my fault I'm an only child.
(Sniffing) (Rustling) You look lovely.
It's so nice, going out for dinner with your brothers.
Mike's paying.
I'm going to order everything twice.
It's a major breakthrough, man.
It means significant progress in brotherly relations.
Are you going to give it to him? Axl I want you to have this.
What is it? It's a man-merkin.
I made it for you to keep with tradition.
I need a man-merkin why? Think not of it as a merkin, more as a ball-warmer.
A bergschrund is where the glacier breaks away from mountain.
It's very high up, very cold.
Traditionally bergerbars were meals that brothers shared at bergschrunds.
Freezing their nuts off, staunching each other out.
Those with ball warmers lasted longest.
But there are no glaciers in Auckland.
You don't have to wear it.
Just pop it down your pants for good luck.
Isn't that the same as wearing it? Come on, man.
You'll feel safer.
(Clapping) Ah! It means the healing is happening! Or just a free feed.
Good of you to join us.
Nice welcoming speech, Mikhail.
- Sorry about your place.
- Ta.
Axl, I hear congratulations are in order.
You graduated.
- Up your ass.
- There's gratitude for you.
Okay, let's sort this here and now.
This is a bergerbar.
I thought it was more of a restaurant.
Shut up.
I don't invent these terms.
This tradition exists to help us through the minefields we seem incapable of avoiding.
It's been a very crap time lately.
So this is why we're here, to mend some bridges.
Now, the rules of the bergerbar state there is to be no bitching.
All grievances are left at the door.
We eat, we drink, we talk about shit, we drink some more.
Eh? That's what we must do, that's what we will do.
Are we clear? Absolutely fine by me.
Well, well, who brought Mr.
Happy? Is that what smoke inhalation does? Happiness is a state of mind, Anders.
- Well, that's a fucking genius observation, Ty.
- Are we clear? Are we clear, Axl? (Sigh) (Clinking)All: Skol.
- Can I get another drink? - Skol.
(Driving rock music) - Bullshit, it's not possible.
- No, Ingrid can actually be right.
I mean, I lost all my worldly possessions, began a new start and a new career.
I'm sorry, in no one's book is a cycle courier a career.
- But it's a start.
- Hi, I'm Melanie.
Would you like to try some shots of a new tequila on the market called Joe's Mescalero? - Melanie, that sounds grand.
- Great! If you like it, you might want to play toss the corn chip into my sombrero.
- Anyone who gets it in wins a whole free bottle.
- Mike will do it.
He's great at games.
Yeah, who better to toss a chip than a great tosser like Mike.
Sure.
After you guys, of course.
Okay, that's a really small sombrero.
It actually is a very small sombrero.
- Ah! This in no way makes me a loser.
- You too.
- No, I'm good.
- I'm only doing this so you might cheer the fuck up.
Do it.
(Sigh) Happy? Come on.
Wow! (Applause) No one's ever actually done it before.
Maybe it was a fluke.
Yeah, Mike, bet you can't do it two times in a row.
Every chip a bottle? That's the rules.
(Cheers and applause) - Are we agreed? - Hell yes.
Sorry, that's all the bottles they gave me.
At least you know they're going to a good home.
I don't know how you did that.
Oh, my uncle Joe showed me in Mexico, actually.
Hey could we possibly get a bucket of ice? - For the tequila? - Yeah, yeah, we like it that way.
So, dessert? (Grunting) What are you doing? Oh my god, why? Shut up and take your medicine, Anders.
(Shouting) Tonight was meant to be about us, not your dick, so get your shit together and stop fucking up other people's wives.
You are such a cock.
You are a tool from the biggest toolshed in the world, but you are my brother, so I guess I have to fucking forgive you.
(Smooch) (Groaning) Whatever.
If I get frostbite on my dick, I'm going to mess you all up.
Sorry, it's uhm we're brothers.
It's a stupid tradition we've had since we were young, so here.
On us.
Happy birthday, for any trouble we've caused.
- Hey! - It's okay, it's okay.
We're done here.
Let's go, boys.
Jesus.
Ooh, you're a tosser and a gentlemen, Mike.
You know if I had any money I'd chip in, right? - Yeah.
Yeah, right.
- Thanks bro.
Okay, where's Axl? I thought you guys were looking out for him while I paid the bill.
- What am I, my brother's keeper? - In this case, yeah.
Hello! This is god speaking.
Well, a god.
One of many, as it turns out.
Oh shit.
Gods are all around you! Axl, don't do this.
- Axl, it's a really bad idea.
- I may not look like a god, but I swear to you that I am.
- I'll get him.
- You may think that being a god is cool.
but no, it isn't.
Axl, get down now.
And you may think that being a god makes you god's gift to women but no.
Because I have no girlfriend at all.
Not anymore.
Even though she was a goddess.
Maybe if you trimmed your pubes, mate! (Laughter) Axl, do not listen to these drunk idiots.
Why not, Mike? I'm one of them! I am the god of drunken idiots! (Cheering) Axl, get away from the fucking edge and get down now! Hey, everyone, that's my brother Mike - and he's a god too.
- So what are you god of? Y-fronts? No, I'm Odin.
I hope you can fly, Odin! (Laughter) Hey Mike, can Odin fly? No Axl, you can't! It'd be a good time to step in now.
- Me? - Bragi, shut these dickheads up.
- My powers only work on one.
- Okay who thinks I can fly? (Cheering) - Axl, you can't! - No, no, no, none of you do.
That's my other brother.
- He's the reason I'm up here.
- No, Axl, he's not.
Yes, he is, Mike.
Hey, listen to me, look at me.
Hey, do not ignore me.
Lower your bloody phones and look at me.
Weird geek with hairy pubes on the roof is not funny.
It's actually a very serious situation.
It's a genuine suicide attempt.
Kid literally on the edge, so stop egging him on unless you want to be responsible for an actual tragedy.
Are we clear on this? If we are clear on this, then wave your hands in the air like you just don't care.
Okay, Axl, backing it up now, bro.
Hi Ty.
This is Ty.
- He's not a god anymore.
- Shut up and get away from the edge.
This is good 'cause he had a suck god Almost as suck as me.
- Axl, please.
- Now, everyone, put your hands on your head.
Fuck, that's genius.
- You good there, Ty? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got this.
They don't believe me.
I'm telling them the truth and they don't believe me.
- Isn't that sad? - No, no, no, it's a good thing.
I'm so sad too, Ty.
You're so much happier and you have nothing.
Thanks for the reminder.
I might be a bit drunk.
Yeah.
Teeny bit.
You're my best brother.
Can you stay my best brother? If you come down.
(Grunting) Shit! (Gasping) I wish I wasn't a god.
I know.
I wish I was normal like you.
Thanks.
Um, I might throw up.
Can you not do it down my back? No, no guarantees.
Okay Anders, we're done here.
Come on, Mike, I'm just starting to get the hang of this.
Wrap it up.
Okay, that's it.
Show's over, folks.
Delete everything on your phones and remember, none of this was true.
Hi.
Hi.
Is Anders in? No.
Wow, look at you.
Yeah, I've became a cycle courier.
Do I need to sign for something? No, I don't have a delivery because I wanted to offer you my direct number.
You know, sometimes if you've got something super urgent and you can't get through, then at least you know you can call me direct, and I would only be too happy to sort you out.
That's very kind.
Great.
Did Anders mention my house burnt down? Oh my god, no.
That's - terrible.
- No, it's actually a good thing.
I mean, as a house, it never felt quite right.
Always had a strange vibe about it.
- It's funny you should say that.
- Really? Yeah, I had the weirdest feeling.
Dawn, hey.
Little package here for you.
Ty! Fellow soldier of the streets.
Good to see you getting familiar with the sexiest clients there, bro.
Thank you, Lance.
- She's so cool, eh? - Yes.
Yes, she is.
Lance: We still on for this weekend? Dawn: I can't wait.
Lance: You want to go to the same place? It was cool there.
- Dawn: I had an awesome time.
- So did I.
But only 'cause you were there.
(Smooch) Stop it.
Alright, we are sorted.
See you, bro.
- Later babe.
- Dawn: Bye Lance.
Wakey wakey.
Oh.
Piss off.
Do you remember last night? Bits.
Don't you dare ever pull a stunt like that again, okay? Right.
Bergerbar achieved.
- I feel like shit.
- Yes, you do.
Which means the past's in the past.
It's time to move on.
You have a job.
Where? I'm sick of paying your rent, so you're going to earn it and more by doing my renovations.
Since you're a bona fide builder now.
Congratulations.
(Groaning) (Saw buzzing) You be okay if I go pick up some more tools, eh? Yeah, sure.
You're doing good, mate.
(Playful slap)