The Closer s03e03 Episode Script
Saving Face
We'd been flirting with the waitress, a little.
Cindy.
Red hair.
Nice uniform.
Nothing serious, you know.
Anyway, five minutes after last call, some guy pulls a gun on the bartender.
And Ray turns to me, and he says, "Andy, "get the cuffs off Cindy here, and put them on the dirt bag, so we can call it a night.
" Well, anyway, in the seven-and-a-half years that Ray and I were partners, we never knew where the shift was gonna take us.
But when it was done, we always had a hell of a story and a good collar.
And today, he's riding shotgun with the apostles.
And Saint Peter can rest easier knowing that Ray Hodge has his back.
Andrew, nice eulogy.
- Not a wet eye in the house.
- Yeah? Thanks.
Okay.
Everybody ready? On the count of three.
One, two, three.
God, Hodge! How much weight did you put on? Watch the steps.
Easy.
Okay, slow down.
Slow down.
Hey, whoa! Slow down, would you? Wow.
Looks like you can take it with you.
Fellas, until we find out who she is and how she died, those steps are a crime scene.
Fine, but there's no way we're letting a 35 year veteran of the force lie on these steps while you vacuum for fibers.
- Then what do you suggest? - Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna preserve what's left of Ray's dignity by finishing the burial, and then bringing this all back afterwards.
Right now, Hodge's wife and kids are standing by an empty hole in the ground.
You want them to come back here and witness this? Think, Tao.
Think! Okay, okay, you know what? You're officially outvoted.
So put up the tape, cover the girl, do what you have to do, and then wait for Provenza and me to get back.
Excuse me, gentlemen, but how long will this take? We have a wedding starting up any minute.
Come, come, come.
- It's a body.
- I know.
"And may the one of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant, brought back from the dead.
That great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, hold our friend, Ray Hodge, and keep him.
" - "Behold his tabernacle is with men " - Damn it, Tao! " And he will dwell with them " - He just snitched.
I knew it.
- " And they shall be his people.
" - May grace and peace be - Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Move to the Amens.
- Amens, get to the Amens.
- Amen.
Amen.
Hey.
Hey.
Wind it down.
Wind it down.
Stop that casket! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the LAPD, and I'm gonna have to ask you to stop lowering that casket.
- What are you talking - Thank you.
- This is a disgrace.
- Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I'll explain what's going on here in just In one second.
Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza, with me.
With me, with me.
Sorry.
Lieutenant Tao tells me that a murder victim rolled out of that casket! Listen, Chief.
Provenza and I made a command decision that, for the sake of the family, and out of respect for the deceased, that the funeral should continue.
As soon as the family leaves, we'll haul Hodge up and do what needs to be done.
You get that casket back to where it was.
Now! And I will deal with y'all later.
This is the last time that I carpool with Tao, ever! The woman's body was not embalmed.
Coroner's investigator thinks she was suffocated, possibly strangled, Detective Daniels, please have the funeral home that handled Ray Hodge's body closed.
Thank you.
Detective Sanchez, Sergeant Gabriel, secure the church and have anyone who might have handled Ray Hodge's casket detained, please.
Thank you very much.
- Officer, I've got - Excuse me! I don't know what is going on here, but this is my day and I want that body moved this instant.
I understand how inconvenient this is, ma'am, - but that body cannot be moved until - Sure, it can! Detective Sanchez, stop that bride! - Hey, everyone should - No, no, no! - Daddy, do something - You! Release my daughter! - Let go of me! - Get back, please! Listen to me! Daddy, are you getting this on tape? - Hey! Hey! - Start filming this for my lawsuit! Get that thing out of here! - You are ruining my wedding! - I am not! - Detective Sanchez.
- Yes, ma'am.
The ceremony can proceed as planned using different entrances.
- By the time you've said "I do " - Forget it! My guests are going up those stairs, through those doors! - Hey, come on.
- All right.
Now I am ruining your wedding! You are under arrest for obstruction of justice, battery of a police officer - Hey! - I'm sorry! Put me down! Let go! - Daddy! - Bitch! - Don't you ruin my wedding.
- Film the whole damn thing! - Turn that camera off! - Daddy! Film these mothers! Get it.
Get this.
Get the film! You shut down a church and a funeral home.
You arrested a bride.
- I did that groom a big favor.
- I'm sure, but his family's in the lobby and they, surprisingly, don't agree.
The father of the bride, who has money coming out of his Whatever.
You choose an orifice.
is threatening a major lawsuit.
Ray Hodge's relatives are furious.
And what could have been just a minor embarrassment is now a complete disaster.
And congratulations, Chief Johnson, you've just become the most downloaded fully-clothed woman on the Internet.
Now, if I'm allowed to talk to the press I'm sorry.
- Chief Pope, how is this my fault? - Well, three words, Flynn and Provenza.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's look at the bright side.
When that naked woman popped out of Ray Hodge's casket, Flynn and Provenza exposed a murder that otherwise might never have come to light.
And this business with the bride would have been far worse had Chief Johnson actually done anything effectively - to defend herself.
- Quinn, Miss Morgan attacked me.
- I made a conscious choice not to respond.
- Clearly.
Okay, let's just hope that things get better from here.
And by better, I mean that you discover this body has absolutely nothing to do with the LAPD.
Commander.
Chief Pope.
- You got beaten up by a bride? - I did not get beaten up! If I'd wanted to lay that spoiled brat out flat, I would have.
- Instead, I displayed professional restraint.
- I see.
Well, while you were busy pulling punches, you couldn't have given me a call? Let me know what was going on? I spent an hour waiting for you in front of our new house.
- What are you talking about? - Brenda, this place is turnkey.
It's halfway between your job and mine.
It's got three bedrooms, two baths, no stairs for visiting parents.
But the realtor says another couple is already writing an offer.
So we need to make a bid today.
Fritz, there's no way I'm getting out of here to look at a house.
Come on! What is so pressing that you can't get away from the office for one hour on a Sunday afternoon? You know what? Don't talk.
This way, this way.
So after his second heart attack, Ray Hodge left the force and became a private investigator.
Our unidentified victim might have something to do with one of the cases he was working on, or not.
Do you think Ray's widow will give us a problem handing over his files? Maggie? No, she'll cooperate.
Yeah, but if Ray kept his paperwork as a PI the same way he did as a cop, only thing you're gonna find in those files are racing forms and takeout menus.
All right, look, I'm not gonna deny Ray had a reputation as a womanizer.
- And drinker.
- And a gambler.
Okay, off hours! On duty, he was one of the good guys! - Anything we find will back that up.
- And how do we deal with the autopsy? Doctor Crippen is working up the bodies right now.
No sign of sexual assault on our Jane Doe.
- Okay, and the wife? - I put Ray Hodge's widow in your office.
I can see that, Detective, yes.
Well, she didn't know about the naked dead chick falling out of her husband's coffin until I told her, - so she's a little bent out of shape.
- Chief? Me and Provenza have a long history with Maggie Hodge.
So maybe we should go in first and sort of smooth things over? All right, all right.
Go, go, go, please.
Thank you.
Now, Detective Daniels, - what do we know about the mortuary? - You ready? Sheffield and Eckhart is one of the oldest funeral homes in town.
Edward Eckhart, the owner, nearly broke down on the phone when I described what happened.
He also asked about a dozen times if we could keep this out of the press.
- Eckhart faxed the list of employees - Hey! - For heaven's sakes! - What's the matter with you? Damn! without you making excuses for him! - Flynn! - What are you yelling at me for, Chief? - I walked in and she started slapping me! - Yeah! She really kind of did, Chief.
All right, all right.
Let go.
Out, you two.
- It's so unfair.
- Yes, it is.
- It's so unfair.
- It's so unfair.
My sincere condolences on your loss.
You mean my embarrassment.
Rotten son of a bitch.
Ma'am, would you like to sit down? Mrs.
Hodge, when your husband passed, we assumed it was from natural causes, but with recent events, we have to wonder.
- Did anyone want him dead? - More than me? I seriously doubt that.
Here is a picture of the woman who was in the casket with your husband.
Does she look at all familiar? Blond, big tits, blank expression.
Yeah.
That was Ray's type.
Do you think he might have been involved with her? With Ray's heart? He couldn't raise a flag.
And Viagra would have been suicide.
Mrs.
Hodge, we understand for the past several years, Mr.
Hodge has been working as a private investigator.
Would you object to us looking over his files? - Sure, why not? What do I care? - Thank you, Mrs.
Hodge.
And as soon as the coroner has finished with his autopsy, I'll have Mr.
Hodge's body returned to you for reburial.
Don't bother.
As far as I'm concerned, you can burn him.
And I'm not talking some fancy cremation either.
I'm talking gasoline, paint thinner, and strike a match.
We've gone over the full list of funeral home employees, and no one has a criminal record.
Well, just because they don't have criminal records doesn't mean they don't commit crimes.
Edward Eckhart, our esteemed funeral home owner, is awaiting you in Interview 1.
Why haven't these people been taken to a holding cell? I specifically asked that they remain here until we made a good faith effort to resolve the situation.
Well, I arrested them.
Situation resolved.
I am looking for some instant shut up! Now! Miss Morgan, over the last hour, our attorneys have assured me that you and your family have no grounds for a civil lawsuit.
In fact, your own videographer's footage is all the evidence we need to file criminal charges against you and your father for obstruction of justice, interfering with a murder investigation, and battery against a police officer.
I barely touched that bitch.
I consider it a great shame that what might have been an amusing anecdote for a fiftieth wedding anniversary somehow devolved into a riot.
I also view Chief Johnson as the injured party here, so I will defer to her wishes as to how we might best resolve this situation.
Well, this has been a tough day for everyone.
So if y'all will sign releases abandoning plans for civil action, I will drop the charges and y'all can go home.
Who's gonna reimburse me for the cost of this wedding? This woman is the caterer.
Her bill alone is $30,000.
A number which will pale in comparison to the bill your lawyers will send you for suing us on charges you cannot possibly win.
This offer is in effect for the next 10 seconds.
Yes or no.
I will never, ever, ever sign a release.
Not only that, but when I'm done suing you, I'm gonna take the city's millions and have the most beautiful wedding ever.
Officers, will you take the bridal party to booking now? - Oh, no.
Okay, just - If you wanna send a gift, I'll be registered at Merrill Lynch.
Daniels, before I talk to the director of this funeral home, I need to take a look at their finances.
So thank you.
Miss Caterer, it'd really be a shame to let all that food go to waste.
Well, it happens.
I just usually donate it to the less fortunate.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Eckhart.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, LAPD.
So sorry we had to shut down your mortuary.
I understand someone has already read you your rights.
Yes, yes.
Yes, they have.
Dear God.
- Am I being arrested for something? - Not necessarily, sir.
That's not no.
That's not a no.
Well, I can't say what will happen here today until you can explain why there were two bodies shoved together in one coffin.
That casket left my funeral parlor with one body in it.
- Only one.
I swear.
- And how can you be sure of that, sir? Because at Sheffield and Eckhart, I'm what's known as "the closer.
" - Excuse me? - I'm the last person to view the body.
And then I close the coffin.
Tight.
And why on earth would I put one body in with another? Sheffield and Eckhart makes money from every casket that we sell.
Perhaps you were offered a little extra cash to get rid of a corpse that couldn't be disposed of through legitimate means.
Corpse.
Don't say "corpse.
" We don't say "corpse.
" We say "loved one," or "deceased.
" And no, I've never seen her before in my life.
If you dump a murder victim in someone else's casket, the crime disappears into the ground forever.
- I hear it happens all the time.
- It doesn't happen all the time.
It never happens! Never at Sheffield and Eckhart! Never! For over 100 years, our mortuary's public face has been without blemish.
- No, thank you.
- And now Today, we may have lost something invaluable.
Our unique reputation.
And that would be? Sheffield and Eckhart is known for how we prepare the dearly departed for viewing.
Our pledge, "To make the deceased look as good as they've ever looked.
" We never cut corners, even if it means hiring the most talented and expensive team of experts.
I'd like to know about them, sir.
I would also like the names of everyone with access to the home for the past five years.
Especially any employee with a penchant for naked, dead women.
- Naked, dead - I also want the names on every guestbook for the past five days, because I think a visitor may have come through the front door and left through the back.
I also will not hesitate to exhume every one of your clients buried.
Yeah, hi.
We need a janitor in Interview 1.
- Oh, Lord.
- Bring a mask.
Hodge was on three heart medications.
I'm waiting for tissue diagnosis, but I have no doubt he died from a lifetime of eating fried food.
Now, as for your Jane Doe, the hyoid bone above the larynx was broken and detached from the skull, suggesting she was strangled with significant force.
And I think you're gonna find this is even more interesting.
Chin implants, cheek implants, rhinoplasty, dental veneers, collagen in the lips.
Not to mention a tummy tuck and butt augmentation.
- Is that a lot? - Even by LA standards.
Judging by these incisions, most, if not all, of the work, was done within the past 18 months.
So this is probably not the way her face looks on her driver's license.
But the good news is I can tell you who our Jane Doe is.
These are her breast implants, which include serial numbers which allow you to trace them back to the surgeon.
Deputy Chief Johnson.
Meet Miss Alarcon A-Y, 14-7-8-9.
So sorry to keep you waiting.
I had no idea.
My schedule is slightly screwed up today.
- Doctor - No, no, please.
Don't get up.
Let me just take a look at you right here.
The lighting where you're sitting is specifically designed to highlight every element of your face.
- Doctor.
- No, no.
Don't say anything else.
This is the fun part.
I always like to guess why It's your mouth.
Isn't it? You know, I might be costing myself some serious money here, but I think the problem might just be your lipstick.
- Excuse me? - You know, my wife always tells me that I'm too blunt with the patients, but between the color and the way you're slathering it on, it's making your mouth look huge.
Doctor, I'm not here about my giant mouth, I'm here about breast implants.
Really? Okay, well, - how much bigger do you wanna be? - Not implants for me! Lmplants that the manufacturer says that you purchased.
That were removed from a dead woman's body.
You need to tell us who she was.
This is almost always a very bad way to have these implants returned.
Let me just, take a look at the numbers here.
No, this is terrible.
Sue Emery.
- What happened? - What can you tell us about her? Lovely young lady.
Aspiring actress.
- Perfect patient.
- How's that? Well, she healed with no keloids and virtually no scarring.
She's a surgeon's dream.
And please, look at this face.
That is a natural beauty.
Would you describe Sue Emery as a surgery addict? No, definitely not.
No, for an addict, it never ends.
For Sue, after we did her eyelid reshaping, we both agreed she was done.
Any idea how an aspiring actress acquired the money to pay for all this work? No, but she always paid in cash in advance.
All right, well, thank you very much.
We'll just take a copy of her files with us.
I'm sorry, my policy is that patient files never leave the office.
Doctor-client privilege expires with the patient's death.
Detective, I attend to major movie stars and practically every prominent family from Pacific Palisades to Hancock Park.
Now, if it was to get out that their cosmetic work might be revealed, my business would be irreparably harmed.
- I'm sure you understand this.
- I do.
I do.
And if I need to, I will have a detective return with a warrant.
I'm sure you understand.
So, so far, we can't find anyone other than the mortician or the widow who might have had access to Ray Hodge's coffin.
Okay, what about his office? Well, there's no time sheets, but Ray did leave three years of Insiders Betting Digest.
Pro and College editions.
"PS agreed to payment terms.
" But we don't have the rest of the stupid letter.
What did the doctor say, Chief? Our victim's name is Sue Emery.
But that name might be as contrived as everything else about her.
- I'll start a financial workup.
- Sue Emery.
Here she is.
Six weeks ago, a complaint was filed against Sue Emery for extortion.
The alleged victim? - Raymond Hodge.
- That's our connection.
Emery was blackmailing Hodge.
Chief, Ray Hodge's calendar has repeated references to a john and pictures.
Now, if Sue Emery was a call girl and she had photos of herself and a client, I mean, that could be the extortion.
And it might explain why she was paying for her surgery in cash.
Only if Hodge was the one being extorted, he wouldn't refer to himself as the john.
And according to his wife, Ray's picking up a hooker would have been a form of suicide.
Who was the reporting officers? Lieutenant Tao? All right.
All right, now.
Don't jump to any conclusions.
It was all his fault.
You knew that Ray Hodge was being extorted by our victim, - and you said nothing? - No, no.
Now, Chief, listen.
We filed that report, but we never connected our Jane Doe with Sue Emery because we never saw Sue Emery before.
Yeah, Chief.
Actually, the first time we ever laid eyes on Sue Emery was when she rolled out of Ray's casket.
Okay? - So now we're all on the same page! - Yeah, go back a chapter.
How did you two get involved in this? - The short version.
- Okay, okay.
So, Ray calls Flynn a month back - No, it was six weeks.
- You know, whatever.
So, anyway, Ray calls Flynn and he says that he's being extorted by this Sue Emery character and So, we thought one of Ray's clients was being extorted.
And Ray didn't want us to know who he was representing.
But if you look - We decided to go with what Ray said.
- Because it's illegal for the LAPD to run plates or pull addresses for a private investigator.
But if an ex-LAPD officer like your friend Ray Hodge pretended that Sue Emery was blackmailing him Okay, I know this sounds like we're in a gray area, Chief, but the good news is we already know a lot about our victim.
Like.
- Like.
- Like where she lived.
- Right.
- Nichols Canyon.
And she had a partner she was working with sometimes.
- And dating maybe.
Scott something.
- Hauser! - Scott Hauser.
- Scott Hauser.
Has a criminal record.
Beat up one of his ex-girlfriends.
So who was Ray's client? The one who was being extorted? The one for whom Mr.
Hodge substituted his own name in that bogus criminal report? - Not a clue.
- Honestly.
All right, you two.
Go find this Scott Hauser character and bring him in.
Now! And if I find out that you have held back one teensy, itsy-bitsy - speck of information - Chief, I know you're upset, but nobody wants to clear this up more than I do.
Ray was a great guy, and he shouldn't be remembered for falling out of a coffin with a blond bimbo.
I'd like to see the man ushered out of this world with the proper respect.
Chief, if it weren't for me dropping that casket, we wouldn't even know that this was a murder.
And I wouldn't be a defendant in a massive lawsuit brought on by a snobby bride.
Or the number one download on YouTube! Talk about your glass half-empty.
So, the doorbell rings, Sue Emery gets out of the shower and goes to answer it, and she opens it up enough for the killer to break through the chain, and he attacks her here, where the towel falls.
If the murderer is the john she was extorting, maybe he ransacks the place for his photos.
This place rents for $6,000 a month? That's like, eight dollars an hour! Considering Sue Emery hadn't filed a W-2 in five years, she must've been doing something lucrative on the side to pay for all of this.
Oh, hi.
Look here.
Assuming the killer dumped this out, you'd expect to find prints inside.
Here, here.
Wiped clean.
Doesn't mean the killer's prints aren't in the house, but if they are, they weren't left during the murder.
Well, at least we know where the blanket the body was wrapped up in came from.
How can people afford to live in Los Angeles? Detective, what do you think of my lipstick? Are you asking me as a friend, or the Chief? Why didn't you ever say anything? Same reason I never said anything about your sweaters.
We found Scott Hauser sitting in his apartment watching a ball game.
Now, we ran his prints on file against the ones that Tao found in Sue Emery's house, - and they match! - And you read Mr.
Hauser his rights? He's waiting in Interview Room 2.
You still don't want to go into Interview Room 1.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson, but no need to introduce yourself, Mr.
Hauser, 'cause I feel like I already know you.
Yeah? Why is that, Chief Johnson? This afternoon, I found your fingerprints all over the house of a murder victim.
Your girlfriend.
Sue Emery.
Nothing tastes better than somebody else's wedding cake.
Mine tasted like prison food.
Chief Johnson's interviewing the killer of Hodge's casket mate.
And is that what I think it is? Want some? Does this case have anything to do with the LAPD? No.
Then yeah, give me a big piece from the corner.
Look.
I'd never kill Sue.
I know you guys automatically suspect boyfriends, but you see, my relationship with her was more like a manager: - Is that what it's called nowadays? - Her literary manager, yeah.
- Sue Emery was an author? - Yes.
You see, she came to me with a book that she wanted to shop.
This book was worth probably millions of dollars.
Really? And what was it about? No, I can't tell you that.
And where is it? The This book? - I don't know exactly.
- Okay.
So, just to summarize, you did not kill Sue Emery over a priceless book that you cannot discuss or locate.
That should play real well with the jury at your murder trial.
Okay, Mr.
Hauser, pretend that I am the DA.
I suggest that Sue Emery was some kind of call girl.
A high-priced prostitute who possessed compromising photos of herself with some client.
Perhaps as her manager, you helped her pick some high-value john to blackmail.
Maybe even took part in the shakedown.
And after she collected the money, you decided your cut wasn't enough.
And when she wouldn't give you more, you strangled her.
No.
No, I didn't.
Well, give me a name.
Who were you blackmailing? All right, then.
I guess the only thing left to discuss is how you got Sue Emery's body into Ray Hodge's casket.
Now, that's the million dollar question.
Did you dump the girl's remains in the casket at the funeral home? I've never been to the funeral home.
I don't even know where that Sheffield place is! I never said the funeral home was Sheffield and Eckhart, Mr.
Hauser.
- I want an attorney.
- Yes, you do.
Preferably one with death penalty experience.
- Some cake? - Thank you, Buzz, but no, thank you.
- It's really good.
- No, no, no.
Thanks.
So, are we ready to press charges on this guy? No, we don't have enough evidence yet.
So we'll hold him for 48 hours, release him, let him think he's off our radar and Oh, my gosh! That cake smells amazing.
That's what you get for 30,000 bucks.
Oh, well.
They're hateful people.
Why hold Hauser for two days if we're just gonna release him? Because that will give you and Lieutenant Provenza time to fill out a warrant to get a wiretap for Mr.
Hauser's phone.
- No! - A wiretap warrant request? - You've got to be kidding! - I mean, that's over 40 pages long! Do you know how much it's gonna cost? Two detectives on alternating 12 hour shifts? I'm not gonna authorize that! All right, then.
Write me a letter explaining that I didn't solve the murder of the naked woman who rolled out of the detective's casket because it cost too much.
Fine, but he better have a lot to say in a short amount of time.
Some unsolicited advice, Lieutenant Flynn.
If you want that wiretap approved, it's essential that you not only list incriminating evidence, - but anything that might clear him.
- Exculpatory information? That's easy.
- It is? - Yes.
We can't prove yet that Scott Hauser had access to the casket.
He may have suffered serious financial loss at the death of Sue Emery.
And his fingerprints aren't on anything connected to the actual murder.
On top of which, I swear, that is the best frosting I've ever had in my life.
Butter cream with just a hint of Grand Marnier.
So, me and Flynn are gonna stay up all night working on some warrant for For someone you can say had good reason not to commit the murder? Exactly.
- And Buzz? - Yes, ma'am.
Could you cut me a nice-sized wedge to go? And make sure my piece has a flower on it.
Thank you.
You realize it's after five.
We have three houses to see before it gets dark, and you have just spent half an hour on your mouth.
Well, apparently, there's a lot to spend time on.
- What do you think of this one? - That's the best one yet.
- What color is it? - Reddish-brown.
They're all reddish-brown.
Revlon Super Lustrous.
Do you like my lips? Like them? I love them.
If you didn't have those lips, I'd be looking for them on someone else.
Honestly, I think you look as beautiful as you've ever looked.
Did I say something wrong? I said something wrong.
As beautiful as I've ever looked? That's almost exactly what the funeral director said.
Mr.
Eckhart.
I was thrown off when he threw up! The judge got the paperwork at 8:00 a.
m.
We got the go-ahead on the wiretap at 8:45 a.
m.
Hauser was sprung exactly 20 minutes ago.
Yeah, he made two phone calls.
One for a massage, one to his mother who thinks he's in law school.
I hope she's not disappointed when he takes the bar behind bars.
Chief? Hauser's leaving a message on his cell phone for someone.
Lieutenant, would you please get a search warrant for the funeral home? - For what? - Pictures.
Here, let me play it back.
About the money, I'll need a little more than we agreed to.
Actually, twice as much.
I mean, it's the same book, but now it tells a whole other story.
Meet me at DeFabio's at noon.
- Hello.
May I help you? - No, I'm good.
Thanks.
Well, you look great, Jonathan.
What, did you give yourself a little chemical peel? The photos.
Have something for me? All right.
We need to reach a little understanding, Jon.
You see, the police, they have this insane idea, - that I murdered the woman that I loved.
- You didn't love Sue.
It was all about the money to you.
My money! And it was just sex to you, Doctor.
Otherwise, you would have married her.
Like you promised her.
A divorce would have left me financially devastated.
I tried to explain that to Sue.
What, by grabbing her around the throat and choking her to death? Okay, now, look.
This is for the book.
Like we agreed.
But if you don't want anyone else knowing what I know, I'll expect cash payments.
On a regular basis.
About what you were paying for Sue's house.
That would do it.
You can't blackmail me over an accident! Which part was an accident? Strangling her? - Or dumping Sue in some guy's casket? - She wouldn't listen.
She wanted to ruin me.
She said so.
I lost control of my temper for one second, that's all.
I wonder if the police will see it the same way, Jon.
No, we won't.
Lieutenant, I know you've met Mr.
Hauser, but why don't you reacquaint yourself by reading him his rights? You would think he would know them by now.
Leave the money.
Detective, thank God! Thank God, you're here You know, that man? He was trying to blackmail me.
How distressing! Do you mind if I sit down? Please.
Beyond the obvious personnel, I couldn't imagine who else might have had access to the funeral home.
But then I realized sometimes it's not enough to slap a fresh coat of lipstick on some cadaver's giant mouth.
Now, to make someone look as good as they've ever looked, the skills of a surgeon are required.
These were recently obtained from Sheffield and Eckhart.
I can see why they paid for your services.
And gave you the code to their security system so you could come and go on your own schedule.
Look, Detective, I don't know what you think happened to Sue, but I have We have you on tape, saying that you murdered her, Doctor.
No, no, no.
I was only saying that I was being No, no, no.
Please don't say anything else.
This is the fun part.
I always like to guess.
Sue Emery and Scott Hauser were blackmailing you, so you hired a retired LAPD officer to act as your go-between.
You were the john that Ray Hodge said was being extorted.
And when Hodge jotted down, "PS agreed to payment terms," he meant you.
PS stands for plastic surgeon, doesn't it? But then Ray Hodge had a fatal heart attack and for a limited time only, you had access to his coffin.
The book, please.
I had been envisioning compromising photos of a completely different sort.
I had no idea they were gonna be before and after photos of your famous clients! You ended your affair.
And Sue Emery, who probably thought she loved you, retaliated by stealing a book of your finest work.
Lieutenant, we need to get this book brought into evidence.
Could you please call Chief Pope and set up a meeting, please? Oh, yes, ma'am.
Now, if you don't mind my being blunt.
You're under arrest for murder in the first.
I do wanna thank you for one thing though, Doctor.
That old lipstick color, it did make my mouth look big.
You gonna press criminal charges, go ahead.
We'll continue with our civil lawsuit.
- And we'll bury you in paperwork.
- I see.
And by pressing a legal action you expect to lose, you think you will gain what, exactly? Well, I'm defending my family's good name.
And as far as your threats are concerned, there isn't a judge in this entire state that would put my daughter in jail.
Now, which daughter is that? This one? Or this one? - Those pictures are confidential.
- They were.
And then we arrested your plastic surgeon for murder, and they became evidence.
I imagine under the right circumstances, a judge might be persuaded to exclude them.
You agree to drop all charges against Michelle, and we won't continue with our civil lawsuit.
Very good.
And I think an apology is in order.
All right.
That would be nice.
You thought Yeah, no.
I need an apology from you, sir.
Written, signed, distributed to the media.
- That sort of thing.
- No, never, never.
- Never in a million years.
Never! - Daddy.
Write it.
Write it.
Fine! Let's get out of this hole.
I'm sorry.
I almost forgot.
You know, giving this back to you is almost as sweet as the icing on your cake.
English
Cindy.
Red hair.
Nice uniform.
Nothing serious, you know.
Anyway, five minutes after last call, some guy pulls a gun on the bartender.
And Ray turns to me, and he says, "Andy, "get the cuffs off Cindy here, and put them on the dirt bag, so we can call it a night.
" Well, anyway, in the seven-and-a-half years that Ray and I were partners, we never knew where the shift was gonna take us.
But when it was done, we always had a hell of a story and a good collar.
And today, he's riding shotgun with the apostles.
And Saint Peter can rest easier knowing that Ray Hodge has his back.
Andrew, nice eulogy.
- Not a wet eye in the house.
- Yeah? Thanks.
Okay.
Everybody ready? On the count of three.
One, two, three.
God, Hodge! How much weight did you put on? Watch the steps.
Easy.
Okay, slow down.
Slow down.
Hey, whoa! Slow down, would you? Wow.
Looks like you can take it with you.
Fellas, until we find out who she is and how she died, those steps are a crime scene.
Fine, but there's no way we're letting a 35 year veteran of the force lie on these steps while you vacuum for fibers.
- Then what do you suggest? - Here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna preserve what's left of Ray's dignity by finishing the burial, and then bringing this all back afterwards.
Right now, Hodge's wife and kids are standing by an empty hole in the ground.
You want them to come back here and witness this? Think, Tao.
Think! Okay, okay, you know what? You're officially outvoted.
So put up the tape, cover the girl, do what you have to do, and then wait for Provenza and me to get back.
Excuse me, gentlemen, but how long will this take? We have a wedding starting up any minute.
Come, come, come.
- It's a body.
- I know.
"And may the one of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant, brought back from the dead.
That great shepherd of the sheep, through the blood of the everlasting covenant, hold our friend, Ray Hodge, and keep him.
" - "Behold his tabernacle is with men " - Damn it, Tao! " And he will dwell with them " - He just snitched.
I knew it.
- " And they shall be his people.
" - May grace and peace be - Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Move to the Amens.
- Amens, get to the Amens.
- Amen.
Amen.
Hey.
Hey.
Wind it down.
Wind it down.
Stop that casket! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson of the LAPD, and I'm gonna have to ask you to stop lowering that casket.
- What are you talking - Thank you.
- This is a disgrace.
- Thank you so much.
I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I'll explain what's going on here in just In one second.
Lieutenants Flynn and Provenza, with me.
With me, with me.
Sorry.
Lieutenant Tao tells me that a murder victim rolled out of that casket! Listen, Chief.
Provenza and I made a command decision that, for the sake of the family, and out of respect for the deceased, that the funeral should continue.
As soon as the family leaves, we'll haul Hodge up and do what needs to be done.
You get that casket back to where it was.
Now! And I will deal with y'all later.
This is the last time that I carpool with Tao, ever! The woman's body was not embalmed.
Coroner's investigator thinks she was suffocated, possibly strangled, Detective Daniels, please have the funeral home that handled Ray Hodge's body closed.
Thank you.
Detective Sanchez, Sergeant Gabriel, secure the church and have anyone who might have handled Ray Hodge's casket detained, please.
Thank you very much.
- Officer, I've got - Excuse me! I don't know what is going on here, but this is my day and I want that body moved this instant.
I understand how inconvenient this is, ma'am, - but that body cannot be moved until - Sure, it can! Detective Sanchez, stop that bride! - Hey, everyone should - No, no, no! - Daddy, do something - You! Release my daughter! - Let go of me! - Get back, please! Listen to me! Daddy, are you getting this on tape? - Hey! Hey! - Start filming this for my lawsuit! Get that thing out of here! - You are ruining my wedding! - I am not! - Detective Sanchez.
- Yes, ma'am.
The ceremony can proceed as planned using different entrances.
- By the time you've said "I do " - Forget it! My guests are going up those stairs, through those doors! - Hey, come on.
- All right.
Now I am ruining your wedding! You are under arrest for obstruction of justice, battery of a police officer - Hey! - I'm sorry! Put me down! Let go! - Daddy! - Bitch! - Don't you ruin my wedding.
- Film the whole damn thing! - Turn that camera off! - Daddy! Film these mothers! Get it.
Get this.
Get the film! You shut down a church and a funeral home.
You arrested a bride.
- I did that groom a big favor.
- I'm sure, but his family's in the lobby and they, surprisingly, don't agree.
The father of the bride, who has money coming out of his Whatever.
You choose an orifice.
is threatening a major lawsuit.
Ray Hodge's relatives are furious.
And what could have been just a minor embarrassment is now a complete disaster.
And congratulations, Chief Johnson, you've just become the most downloaded fully-clothed woman on the Internet.
Now, if I'm allowed to talk to the press I'm sorry.
- Chief Pope, how is this my fault? - Well, three words, Flynn and Provenza.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Okay.
Let's look at the bright side.
When that naked woman popped out of Ray Hodge's casket, Flynn and Provenza exposed a murder that otherwise might never have come to light.
And this business with the bride would have been far worse had Chief Johnson actually done anything effectively - to defend herself.
- Quinn, Miss Morgan attacked me.
- I made a conscious choice not to respond.
- Clearly.
Okay, let's just hope that things get better from here.
And by better, I mean that you discover this body has absolutely nothing to do with the LAPD.
Commander.
Chief Pope.
- You got beaten up by a bride? - I did not get beaten up! If I'd wanted to lay that spoiled brat out flat, I would have.
- Instead, I displayed professional restraint.
- I see.
Well, while you were busy pulling punches, you couldn't have given me a call? Let me know what was going on? I spent an hour waiting for you in front of our new house.
- What are you talking about? - Brenda, this place is turnkey.
It's halfway between your job and mine.
It's got three bedrooms, two baths, no stairs for visiting parents.
But the realtor says another couple is already writing an offer.
So we need to make a bid today.
Fritz, there's no way I'm getting out of here to look at a house.
Come on! What is so pressing that you can't get away from the office for one hour on a Sunday afternoon? You know what? Don't talk.
This way, this way.
So after his second heart attack, Ray Hodge left the force and became a private investigator.
Our unidentified victim might have something to do with one of the cases he was working on, or not.
Do you think Ray's widow will give us a problem handing over his files? Maggie? No, she'll cooperate.
Yeah, but if Ray kept his paperwork as a PI the same way he did as a cop, only thing you're gonna find in those files are racing forms and takeout menus.
All right, look, I'm not gonna deny Ray had a reputation as a womanizer.
- And drinker.
- And a gambler.
Okay, off hours! On duty, he was one of the good guys! - Anything we find will back that up.
- And how do we deal with the autopsy? Doctor Crippen is working up the bodies right now.
No sign of sexual assault on our Jane Doe.
- Okay, and the wife? - I put Ray Hodge's widow in your office.
I can see that, Detective, yes.
Well, she didn't know about the naked dead chick falling out of her husband's coffin until I told her, - so she's a little bent out of shape.
- Chief? Me and Provenza have a long history with Maggie Hodge.
So maybe we should go in first and sort of smooth things over? All right, all right.
Go, go, go, please.
Thank you.
Now, Detective Daniels, - what do we know about the mortuary? - You ready? Sheffield and Eckhart is one of the oldest funeral homes in town.
Edward Eckhart, the owner, nearly broke down on the phone when I described what happened.
He also asked about a dozen times if we could keep this out of the press.
- Eckhart faxed the list of employees - Hey! - For heaven's sakes! - What's the matter with you? Damn! without you making excuses for him! - Flynn! - What are you yelling at me for, Chief? - I walked in and she started slapping me! - Yeah! She really kind of did, Chief.
All right, all right.
Let go.
Out, you two.
- It's so unfair.
- Yes, it is.
- It's so unfair.
- It's so unfair.
My sincere condolences on your loss.
You mean my embarrassment.
Rotten son of a bitch.
Ma'am, would you like to sit down? Mrs.
Hodge, when your husband passed, we assumed it was from natural causes, but with recent events, we have to wonder.
- Did anyone want him dead? - More than me? I seriously doubt that.
Here is a picture of the woman who was in the casket with your husband.
Does she look at all familiar? Blond, big tits, blank expression.
Yeah.
That was Ray's type.
Do you think he might have been involved with her? With Ray's heart? He couldn't raise a flag.
And Viagra would have been suicide.
Mrs.
Hodge, we understand for the past several years, Mr.
Hodge has been working as a private investigator.
Would you object to us looking over his files? - Sure, why not? What do I care? - Thank you, Mrs.
Hodge.
And as soon as the coroner has finished with his autopsy, I'll have Mr.
Hodge's body returned to you for reburial.
Don't bother.
As far as I'm concerned, you can burn him.
And I'm not talking some fancy cremation either.
I'm talking gasoline, paint thinner, and strike a match.
We've gone over the full list of funeral home employees, and no one has a criminal record.
Well, just because they don't have criminal records doesn't mean they don't commit crimes.
Edward Eckhart, our esteemed funeral home owner, is awaiting you in Interview 1.
Why haven't these people been taken to a holding cell? I specifically asked that they remain here until we made a good faith effort to resolve the situation.
Well, I arrested them.
Situation resolved.
I am looking for some instant shut up! Now! Miss Morgan, over the last hour, our attorneys have assured me that you and your family have no grounds for a civil lawsuit.
In fact, your own videographer's footage is all the evidence we need to file criminal charges against you and your father for obstruction of justice, interfering with a murder investigation, and battery against a police officer.
I barely touched that bitch.
I consider it a great shame that what might have been an amusing anecdote for a fiftieth wedding anniversary somehow devolved into a riot.
I also view Chief Johnson as the injured party here, so I will defer to her wishes as to how we might best resolve this situation.
Well, this has been a tough day for everyone.
So if y'all will sign releases abandoning plans for civil action, I will drop the charges and y'all can go home.
Who's gonna reimburse me for the cost of this wedding? This woman is the caterer.
Her bill alone is $30,000.
A number which will pale in comparison to the bill your lawyers will send you for suing us on charges you cannot possibly win.
This offer is in effect for the next 10 seconds.
Yes or no.
I will never, ever, ever sign a release.
Not only that, but when I'm done suing you, I'm gonna take the city's millions and have the most beautiful wedding ever.
Officers, will you take the bridal party to booking now? - Oh, no.
Okay, just - If you wanna send a gift, I'll be registered at Merrill Lynch.
Daniels, before I talk to the director of this funeral home, I need to take a look at their finances.
So thank you.
Miss Caterer, it'd really be a shame to let all that food go to waste.
Well, it happens.
I just usually donate it to the less fortunate.
Good afternoon, Mr.
Eckhart.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, LAPD.
So sorry we had to shut down your mortuary.
I understand someone has already read you your rights.
Yes, yes.
Yes, they have.
Dear God.
- Am I being arrested for something? - Not necessarily, sir.
That's not no.
That's not a no.
Well, I can't say what will happen here today until you can explain why there were two bodies shoved together in one coffin.
That casket left my funeral parlor with one body in it.
- Only one.
I swear.
- And how can you be sure of that, sir? Because at Sheffield and Eckhart, I'm what's known as "the closer.
" - Excuse me? - I'm the last person to view the body.
And then I close the coffin.
Tight.
And why on earth would I put one body in with another? Sheffield and Eckhart makes money from every casket that we sell.
Perhaps you were offered a little extra cash to get rid of a corpse that couldn't be disposed of through legitimate means.
Corpse.
Don't say "corpse.
" We don't say "corpse.
" We say "loved one," or "deceased.
" And no, I've never seen her before in my life.
If you dump a murder victim in someone else's casket, the crime disappears into the ground forever.
- I hear it happens all the time.
- It doesn't happen all the time.
It never happens! Never at Sheffield and Eckhart! Never! For over 100 years, our mortuary's public face has been without blemish.
- No, thank you.
- And now Today, we may have lost something invaluable.
Our unique reputation.
And that would be? Sheffield and Eckhart is known for how we prepare the dearly departed for viewing.
Our pledge, "To make the deceased look as good as they've ever looked.
" We never cut corners, even if it means hiring the most talented and expensive team of experts.
I'd like to know about them, sir.
I would also like the names of everyone with access to the home for the past five years.
Especially any employee with a penchant for naked, dead women.
- Naked, dead - I also want the names on every guestbook for the past five days, because I think a visitor may have come through the front door and left through the back.
I also will not hesitate to exhume every one of your clients buried.
Yeah, hi.
We need a janitor in Interview 1.
- Oh, Lord.
- Bring a mask.
Hodge was on three heart medications.
I'm waiting for tissue diagnosis, but I have no doubt he died from a lifetime of eating fried food.
Now, as for your Jane Doe, the hyoid bone above the larynx was broken and detached from the skull, suggesting she was strangled with significant force.
And I think you're gonna find this is even more interesting.
Chin implants, cheek implants, rhinoplasty, dental veneers, collagen in the lips.
Not to mention a tummy tuck and butt augmentation.
- Is that a lot? - Even by LA standards.
Judging by these incisions, most, if not all, of the work, was done within the past 18 months.
So this is probably not the way her face looks on her driver's license.
But the good news is I can tell you who our Jane Doe is.
These are her breast implants, which include serial numbers which allow you to trace them back to the surgeon.
Deputy Chief Johnson.
Meet Miss Alarcon A-Y, 14-7-8-9.
So sorry to keep you waiting.
I had no idea.
My schedule is slightly screwed up today.
- Doctor - No, no, please.
Don't get up.
Let me just take a look at you right here.
The lighting where you're sitting is specifically designed to highlight every element of your face.
- Doctor.
- No, no.
Don't say anything else.
This is the fun part.
I always like to guess why It's your mouth.
Isn't it? You know, I might be costing myself some serious money here, but I think the problem might just be your lipstick.
- Excuse me? - You know, my wife always tells me that I'm too blunt with the patients, but between the color and the way you're slathering it on, it's making your mouth look huge.
Doctor, I'm not here about my giant mouth, I'm here about breast implants.
Really? Okay, well, - how much bigger do you wanna be? - Not implants for me! Lmplants that the manufacturer says that you purchased.
That were removed from a dead woman's body.
You need to tell us who she was.
This is almost always a very bad way to have these implants returned.
Let me just, take a look at the numbers here.
No, this is terrible.
Sue Emery.
- What happened? - What can you tell us about her? Lovely young lady.
Aspiring actress.
- Perfect patient.
- How's that? Well, she healed with no keloids and virtually no scarring.
She's a surgeon's dream.
And please, look at this face.
That is a natural beauty.
Would you describe Sue Emery as a surgery addict? No, definitely not.
No, for an addict, it never ends.
For Sue, after we did her eyelid reshaping, we both agreed she was done.
Any idea how an aspiring actress acquired the money to pay for all this work? No, but she always paid in cash in advance.
All right, well, thank you very much.
We'll just take a copy of her files with us.
I'm sorry, my policy is that patient files never leave the office.
Doctor-client privilege expires with the patient's death.
Detective, I attend to major movie stars and practically every prominent family from Pacific Palisades to Hancock Park.
Now, if it was to get out that their cosmetic work might be revealed, my business would be irreparably harmed.
- I'm sure you understand this.
- I do.
I do.
And if I need to, I will have a detective return with a warrant.
I'm sure you understand.
So, so far, we can't find anyone other than the mortician or the widow who might have had access to Ray Hodge's coffin.
Okay, what about his office? Well, there's no time sheets, but Ray did leave three years of Insiders Betting Digest.
Pro and College editions.
"PS agreed to payment terms.
" But we don't have the rest of the stupid letter.
What did the doctor say, Chief? Our victim's name is Sue Emery.
But that name might be as contrived as everything else about her.
- I'll start a financial workup.
- Sue Emery.
Here she is.
Six weeks ago, a complaint was filed against Sue Emery for extortion.
The alleged victim? - Raymond Hodge.
- That's our connection.
Emery was blackmailing Hodge.
Chief, Ray Hodge's calendar has repeated references to a john and pictures.
Now, if Sue Emery was a call girl and she had photos of herself and a client, I mean, that could be the extortion.
And it might explain why she was paying for her surgery in cash.
Only if Hodge was the one being extorted, he wouldn't refer to himself as the john.
And according to his wife, Ray's picking up a hooker would have been a form of suicide.
Who was the reporting officers? Lieutenant Tao? All right.
All right, now.
Don't jump to any conclusions.
It was all his fault.
You knew that Ray Hodge was being extorted by our victim, - and you said nothing? - No, no.
Now, Chief, listen.
We filed that report, but we never connected our Jane Doe with Sue Emery because we never saw Sue Emery before.
Yeah, Chief.
Actually, the first time we ever laid eyes on Sue Emery was when she rolled out of Ray's casket.
Okay? - So now we're all on the same page! - Yeah, go back a chapter.
How did you two get involved in this? - The short version.
- Okay, okay.
So, Ray calls Flynn a month back - No, it was six weeks.
- You know, whatever.
So, anyway, Ray calls Flynn and he says that he's being extorted by this Sue Emery character and So, we thought one of Ray's clients was being extorted.
And Ray didn't want us to know who he was representing.
But if you look - We decided to go with what Ray said.
- Because it's illegal for the LAPD to run plates or pull addresses for a private investigator.
But if an ex-LAPD officer like your friend Ray Hodge pretended that Sue Emery was blackmailing him Okay, I know this sounds like we're in a gray area, Chief, but the good news is we already know a lot about our victim.
Like.
- Like.
- Like where she lived.
- Right.
- Nichols Canyon.
And she had a partner she was working with sometimes.
- And dating maybe.
Scott something.
- Hauser! - Scott Hauser.
- Scott Hauser.
Has a criminal record.
Beat up one of his ex-girlfriends.
So who was Ray's client? The one who was being extorted? The one for whom Mr.
Hodge substituted his own name in that bogus criminal report? - Not a clue.
- Honestly.
All right, you two.
Go find this Scott Hauser character and bring him in.
Now! And if I find out that you have held back one teensy, itsy-bitsy - speck of information - Chief, I know you're upset, but nobody wants to clear this up more than I do.
Ray was a great guy, and he shouldn't be remembered for falling out of a coffin with a blond bimbo.
I'd like to see the man ushered out of this world with the proper respect.
Chief, if it weren't for me dropping that casket, we wouldn't even know that this was a murder.
And I wouldn't be a defendant in a massive lawsuit brought on by a snobby bride.
Or the number one download on YouTube! Talk about your glass half-empty.
So, the doorbell rings, Sue Emery gets out of the shower and goes to answer it, and she opens it up enough for the killer to break through the chain, and he attacks her here, where the towel falls.
If the murderer is the john she was extorting, maybe he ransacks the place for his photos.
This place rents for $6,000 a month? That's like, eight dollars an hour! Considering Sue Emery hadn't filed a W-2 in five years, she must've been doing something lucrative on the side to pay for all of this.
Oh, hi.
Look here.
Assuming the killer dumped this out, you'd expect to find prints inside.
Here, here.
Wiped clean.
Doesn't mean the killer's prints aren't in the house, but if they are, they weren't left during the murder.
Well, at least we know where the blanket the body was wrapped up in came from.
How can people afford to live in Los Angeles? Detective, what do you think of my lipstick? Are you asking me as a friend, or the Chief? Why didn't you ever say anything? Same reason I never said anything about your sweaters.
We found Scott Hauser sitting in his apartment watching a ball game.
Now, we ran his prints on file against the ones that Tao found in Sue Emery's house, - and they match! - And you read Mr.
Hauser his rights? He's waiting in Interview Room 2.
You still don't want to go into Interview Room 1.
I'm Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson, but no need to introduce yourself, Mr.
Hauser, 'cause I feel like I already know you.
Yeah? Why is that, Chief Johnson? This afternoon, I found your fingerprints all over the house of a murder victim.
Your girlfriend.
Sue Emery.
Nothing tastes better than somebody else's wedding cake.
Mine tasted like prison food.
Chief Johnson's interviewing the killer of Hodge's casket mate.
And is that what I think it is? Want some? Does this case have anything to do with the LAPD? No.
Then yeah, give me a big piece from the corner.
Look.
I'd never kill Sue.
I know you guys automatically suspect boyfriends, but you see, my relationship with her was more like a manager: - Is that what it's called nowadays? - Her literary manager, yeah.
- Sue Emery was an author? - Yes.
You see, she came to me with a book that she wanted to shop.
This book was worth probably millions of dollars.
Really? And what was it about? No, I can't tell you that.
And where is it? The This book? - I don't know exactly.
- Okay.
So, just to summarize, you did not kill Sue Emery over a priceless book that you cannot discuss or locate.
That should play real well with the jury at your murder trial.
Okay, Mr.
Hauser, pretend that I am the DA.
I suggest that Sue Emery was some kind of call girl.
A high-priced prostitute who possessed compromising photos of herself with some client.
Perhaps as her manager, you helped her pick some high-value john to blackmail.
Maybe even took part in the shakedown.
And after she collected the money, you decided your cut wasn't enough.
And when she wouldn't give you more, you strangled her.
No.
No, I didn't.
Well, give me a name.
Who were you blackmailing? All right, then.
I guess the only thing left to discuss is how you got Sue Emery's body into Ray Hodge's casket.
Now, that's the million dollar question.
Did you dump the girl's remains in the casket at the funeral home? I've never been to the funeral home.
I don't even know where that Sheffield place is! I never said the funeral home was Sheffield and Eckhart, Mr.
Hauser.
- I want an attorney.
- Yes, you do.
Preferably one with death penalty experience.
- Some cake? - Thank you, Buzz, but no, thank you.
- It's really good.
- No, no, no.
Thanks.
So, are we ready to press charges on this guy? No, we don't have enough evidence yet.
So we'll hold him for 48 hours, release him, let him think he's off our radar and Oh, my gosh! That cake smells amazing.
That's what you get for 30,000 bucks.
Oh, well.
They're hateful people.
Why hold Hauser for two days if we're just gonna release him? Because that will give you and Lieutenant Provenza time to fill out a warrant to get a wiretap for Mr.
Hauser's phone.
- No! - A wiretap warrant request? - You've got to be kidding! - I mean, that's over 40 pages long! Do you know how much it's gonna cost? Two detectives on alternating 12 hour shifts? I'm not gonna authorize that! All right, then.
Write me a letter explaining that I didn't solve the murder of the naked woman who rolled out of the detective's casket because it cost too much.
Fine, but he better have a lot to say in a short amount of time.
Some unsolicited advice, Lieutenant Flynn.
If you want that wiretap approved, it's essential that you not only list incriminating evidence, - but anything that might clear him.
- Exculpatory information? That's easy.
- It is? - Yes.
We can't prove yet that Scott Hauser had access to the casket.
He may have suffered serious financial loss at the death of Sue Emery.
And his fingerprints aren't on anything connected to the actual murder.
On top of which, I swear, that is the best frosting I've ever had in my life.
Butter cream with just a hint of Grand Marnier.
So, me and Flynn are gonna stay up all night working on some warrant for For someone you can say had good reason not to commit the murder? Exactly.
- And Buzz? - Yes, ma'am.
Could you cut me a nice-sized wedge to go? And make sure my piece has a flower on it.
Thank you.
You realize it's after five.
We have three houses to see before it gets dark, and you have just spent half an hour on your mouth.
Well, apparently, there's a lot to spend time on.
- What do you think of this one? - That's the best one yet.
- What color is it? - Reddish-brown.
They're all reddish-brown.
Revlon Super Lustrous.
Do you like my lips? Like them? I love them.
If you didn't have those lips, I'd be looking for them on someone else.
Honestly, I think you look as beautiful as you've ever looked.
Did I say something wrong? I said something wrong.
As beautiful as I've ever looked? That's almost exactly what the funeral director said.
Mr.
Eckhart.
I was thrown off when he threw up! The judge got the paperwork at 8:00 a.
m.
We got the go-ahead on the wiretap at 8:45 a.
m.
Hauser was sprung exactly 20 minutes ago.
Yeah, he made two phone calls.
One for a massage, one to his mother who thinks he's in law school.
I hope she's not disappointed when he takes the bar behind bars.
Chief? Hauser's leaving a message on his cell phone for someone.
Lieutenant, would you please get a search warrant for the funeral home? - For what? - Pictures.
Here, let me play it back.
About the money, I'll need a little more than we agreed to.
Actually, twice as much.
I mean, it's the same book, but now it tells a whole other story.
Meet me at DeFabio's at noon.
- Hello.
May I help you? - No, I'm good.
Thanks.
Well, you look great, Jonathan.
What, did you give yourself a little chemical peel? The photos.
Have something for me? All right.
We need to reach a little understanding, Jon.
You see, the police, they have this insane idea, - that I murdered the woman that I loved.
- You didn't love Sue.
It was all about the money to you.
My money! And it was just sex to you, Doctor.
Otherwise, you would have married her.
Like you promised her.
A divorce would have left me financially devastated.
I tried to explain that to Sue.
What, by grabbing her around the throat and choking her to death? Okay, now, look.
This is for the book.
Like we agreed.
But if you don't want anyone else knowing what I know, I'll expect cash payments.
On a regular basis.
About what you were paying for Sue's house.
That would do it.
You can't blackmail me over an accident! Which part was an accident? Strangling her? - Or dumping Sue in some guy's casket? - She wouldn't listen.
She wanted to ruin me.
She said so.
I lost control of my temper for one second, that's all.
I wonder if the police will see it the same way, Jon.
No, we won't.
Lieutenant, I know you've met Mr.
Hauser, but why don't you reacquaint yourself by reading him his rights? You would think he would know them by now.
Leave the money.
Detective, thank God! Thank God, you're here You know, that man? He was trying to blackmail me.
How distressing! Do you mind if I sit down? Please.
Beyond the obvious personnel, I couldn't imagine who else might have had access to the funeral home.
But then I realized sometimes it's not enough to slap a fresh coat of lipstick on some cadaver's giant mouth.
Now, to make someone look as good as they've ever looked, the skills of a surgeon are required.
These were recently obtained from Sheffield and Eckhart.
I can see why they paid for your services.
And gave you the code to their security system so you could come and go on your own schedule.
Look, Detective, I don't know what you think happened to Sue, but I have We have you on tape, saying that you murdered her, Doctor.
No, no, no.
I was only saying that I was being No, no, no.
Please don't say anything else.
This is the fun part.
I always like to guess.
Sue Emery and Scott Hauser were blackmailing you, so you hired a retired LAPD officer to act as your go-between.
You were the john that Ray Hodge said was being extorted.
And when Hodge jotted down, "PS agreed to payment terms," he meant you.
PS stands for plastic surgeon, doesn't it? But then Ray Hodge had a fatal heart attack and for a limited time only, you had access to his coffin.
The book, please.
I had been envisioning compromising photos of a completely different sort.
I had no idea they were gonna be before and after photos of your famous clients! You ended your affair.
And Sue Emery, who probably thought she loved you, retaliated by stealing a book of your finest work.
Lieutenant, we need to get this book brought into evidence.
Could you please call Chief Pope and set up a meeting, please? Oh, yes, ma'am.
Now, if you don't mind my being blunt.
You're under arrest for murder in the first.
I do wanna thank you for one thing though, Doctor.
That old lipstick color, it did make my mouth look big.
You gonna press criminal charges, go ahead.
We'll continue with our civil lawsuit.
- And we'll bury you in paperwork.
- I see.
And by pressing a legal action you expect to lose, you think you will gain what, exactly? Well, I'm defending my family's good name.
And as far as your threats are concerned, there isn't a judge in this entire state that would put my daughter in jail.
Now, which daughter is that? This one? Or this one? - Those pictures are confidential.
- They were.
And then we arrested your plastic surgeon for murder, and they became evidence.
I imagine under the right circumstances, a judge might be persuaded to exclude them.
You agree to drop all charges against Michelle, and we won't continue with our civil lawsuit.
Very good.
And I think an apology is in order.
All right.
That would be nice.
You thought Yeah, no.
I need an apology from you, sir.
Written, signed, distributed to the media.
- That sort of thing.
- No, never, never.
- Never in a million years.
Never! - Daddy.
Write it.
Write it.
Fine! Let's get out of this hole.
I'm sorry.
I almost forgot.
You know, giving this back to you is almost as sweet as the icing on your cake.
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