The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s03e03 Episode Script

1
[tense music playing]
[screeching]
[growling]
[screeching]
[moaning and growling]
[growls]
[intro theme playing]
Whoaah!
[screaming]
[upbeat music playing]
Dudes, how fun is this?
Being pals, being pals together,
just us, no adults or other survivors.
Quint! I'm coming up
on the Martian Breakdancer.
Need buddy backup for the boss.
Come on, time to have fun!
I am having fun.
And when I'm done having fun here,
I'm gonna have fun
refueling the generator.
The same generator
somebody left on all night.
[nervous laugh]
Plus, there's the new
electric Zom-B-Gone devices
I'm supposed to set up
on the perimeter of the town square.
Um, actually, Quint's first priority
is fixing the radio.
Oh, right.
June, what say we take
the firetruck for a spin?
Hose down some dozers,
scare wretches with the siren.
That's first class fun.
Fun? Jack, that siren
is like a dinner bell for the zombies.
Besides, I gotta help with the radio.
What do you need, Quint?
You name it I am your gal!
Maybe just leave?
For a couple of hours,
so I can really focus.
You got it, buddy. You need anything,
I'll be right outside.
[awkward humming]
-[Dirk] Ugh!
-[Jack] OK. Come on, Dirk!
You and me, bud. Forget these losers.
Not a loser for missing my parents!
Uh, no can do, Jack. Gotta show
these monsters I got what it takes.
Diiirk Monsterrr! [grunting]
[groans]
[video game music playing]
Yah! Dirk!
I'm going with you guys.
[sighs]
[Quint]
Next contestant: the radio!
Oh!
-[Dirk grunting]
-Look at you! You're all working.
Doing homework. I mean,
the whole point of the apocalypse
is that we never have to
do homework again.
Wait, you think the point of
the apocalypse is that we never have to
I didn't wanna have to do this but
[record scratches]
[epic music playing]
Starting now, this is gonna
be the Funpocalypse!
And I, Jack Sullivan of House Tree,
first in my name, am keeper of the fun.
And I will show you the way!
[music stops abruptly]
[grunting]
Or at least a five minute break?
Ugh.
OK, Jack, but only five minutes.
Let the Funpocalypse begin.
-Five minutes!
-Dirk Monster! Five minute break!
-[Jack] Ha!
-[laughing]
-Ha-ha!
-Hmm.
-[cheering]
-Yeah!
[roaring]
-Yikes!
-[groaning]
Ugh! [laughing]
Aah! Rocket booster!
[roaring]
Keeper of the fun has kept the fun.
Only 19 more activities to go
before we all reach Funpocalypse level 1.
-No, break time's over.
-Back to the radio!
-Gotta get my reps in.
-But
If I can't show them
how fun things are now,
-they're just gonna leave.
-Step aside, flesh bucket.
Biggun, trash time!
[grunting]
[gasps]
[grunts]
-[applause]
-Biggun.
[laughing] Yeah!
Uh, hold up, guys!
I saved the best for last.
Don't put down
your fun sticks just yet.
-Fun sticks?
-When did we get fun sticks?
Quint, did you steal my fun stick?
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls!
Monsters and, uh more monsters.
Today is the first annual
Apocalympic Tournament Games.
The battle of the century,
monsters vs. humans.
-It shall be a test of brains!
-Hmm?
-A test of monstrous ability!
-Huh?
-A test of strategy and agility.
-Hmm?
Right, Quint?
Um, Jack may be right. If I don't get
an extended break, fatigue might set in.
I could make a mistake.
The radio could explode?
What? Really? Hmm.
Well, if it'll help with the radio.
Also, I'm gonna seriously dominate.
Yes! We've got our human team.
And, monsters, it'll be great!
We can blow off steam,
improve human-monster relations,
a-and totally have fun.
Fun is for meat bags like you
and your hairless monster wannabe.
Ugh.
I find my time better spent exploring
the mysteries of the mind-body connection.
Oh, guys, come on!
Uh-huh? What's in it for us if we win?
Oh! Um, you get all the glory.
-Yes! Glory! I am in.
-Glory? Is that all?
-[groaning]
-Huh, I already got a bunch of glory.
Uh, you get the glory wait, don't leave!
You get, uh [grunts]
Hang on, hang on.
Incentive pending. Ta-da!
And you get this super special
and rare tournament trophy.
I will kill for that trophy!
[yelling and grunting]
-[grunts]
-You said it, Biggun.
I'd rather swallow a flaming toilet
than hang with humans.
But that trophy, it will be mine!
Uhh! You wanna do the honors?
Oh, yeah!
-[electronic music playing]
-Let the opening ceremonies
Biggun!
[gasping]
-[laughing]
-[cheering]
Woo-hoo-hoo!
-Woo-hoo!
-Yeah!
Um oh!
[growling]
[Jack] And in our first competition,
it's the three-legged jump and stomp.
You're going down.
Bring it, human scum.
[inhales]
-[grunting]
-[Jack] And they're off!
[Jack]
Coming in from behind, it's a late entry.
-And it's won the race!
-[cheering]
No fair! Someone check the rule book.
[both] Uhh!
[Quint] And for the 100-yard hurdles,
it's monster vs. master,
with Rover against Jack.
There's the whistle!
And Jack tries valiantly to run
the Apocalypse Gauntlet of Doom!
Wait, what's Rover doing? He's running
in circles. He's all over the park!
And Jack is using this
to his advantage. Oh, no!
It's all over! It's all over!
[both grunt]
[Dirk] And it's June vs. Skaelka
in this slice and dice.
They're goin', and they're slicin',
and, uh I don't have to keep jabbering,
you can all see what's happening, right?
[grunting] Mmm.
[both grunting]
[Dirk] It's a tie!
Up next, the human hurling competition.
Globlet is up first.
-Hi-yah!
-[Quint] And it's a valiant attempt.
[grunts]
[Quint] Up next
[grunts]
[Bellybuster]
And Biggun makes a totally awesome throw,
-seriously putting him in the lead.
-[screaming]
Ugh! How are we even supposed
to score in this game?
Aah!
-I have no idea.
-[June laughing]
[making noises]
[June]
This is very intense, folks.
Quint could take this.
[speaking monster language]
You said it, buddy.
[Chef] Ha!
[June] Wow, uncool!
[groans]
[Skaelka] Welcome back!
Muddy dodgeball in an art museum
is in full swing.
Oh, that's gotta hurt!
[both] Woo-hoo!
[Skaelka] Right in the kisser!
[grunting and groaning]
[Skaelka] Oh, the humanity!
Ha! Still standing.
Aah!
[laughing]
[Quint] Time for a real crowd favorite,
the pie-eating contest. Pizza pie that is.
-And there is the
-[gasping]
Oh!
[burps]
-[stomach growling]
-Uhh.
[grunting]
OK, hold on. Time out.
I'm sick of losing.
These teams aren't fair.
We gotta mix them up, monsters
and humans together. Come on, Biggun!
-Even better for promoting harmony.
-Oh, I'm going over there!
I still don't approve of this,
but if a temporary truce
between this meat bag and me
means we get that trophy, I'm in.
I'd eat my own mother for that thing.
I mean, I already ate my own mother,
[laughing] but I'd do it again.
-Uhh!
-Whoa!
Gah!
Ehh!
You were right, Jack, that was fun.
And I did need a break.
Well, it's not over yet!
And now, it's time to award today's
Tournament Games Trophy!
[cheering]
Aha!
-Human Dirk! Do you see?
-Hmm?
[makes noises]
[growling]
-Uh-oh.
-Look!
Behind us, too!
Guys! Tons of zombies
are closing in on all sides!
It's the lights. They see all the lights.
-Turn the generator off. Now!
-Too late. They're already here!
We gotta protect the town,
the tree house, the radio!
We will surround the town square
and hold them back.
Sounds like a job for me and the monsters.
That's great, but you can't
hold them off forever.
No, they can't, but remember
that monster skeleton I found,
uh, that repelled the zombies.
What if we used that somehow?
Yeah, I can combine that
with the Zom-B-Gone torches
to really keep those zombies at bay.
Which is what I should have been
doing today instead of playing around.
It's not your fault, and it's not
too late. We can do this!
-Yeah!
-All right!
Back to the woods, Rover.
[moaning]
For glory!
[Jack]
There it is!
[sniffing]
Uh, yeah, that's the stuff.
Ugh, smells like boiled Brussels sprouts.
-Use this filtered mask.
-Hmm?
I keep them handy for you know.
[Dirk] Quint! Your turn
to empty the toilet bucket!
[sobbing]
-[Jack] Do you cry often?
-Often is such a subjective word.
-[shuffle]
-What was that?
-[leaves shuffling]
-Over there!
-[growling]
-[gasping]
-Phew!
-[awkward laughter]
-[Jack] Aww.
-You know what? He's kinda cute.
Um, Quint?
Jack, he's not cute. I take it back!
[Jack]
It's like one of those magician scarves
that they pull out of their mouths
that never end.
The Spike-apede! Billion legs,
poison-dripping mandibles,
longer than the longest wiener dog.
Could be bad.
-[hissing]
-Uhh!
Huh? Bardle!
How many points is that worth
in your tournament?
Points? I thought you weren't
into the tournament games.
I prefer real stakes over sport.
This is much more my idea of fun.
You're having fun? Like, right now?
Huge amounts of it.
Oh. It's just hard to tell
with your face being all Bardle-y.
It is the face I was hatched with.
[Jack] There's the carcass, but why
does it look like it's wriggling?
Oh, enough with the bugs already!
And on the one day I forget my bug zapper!
[grunting]
Hi-yah!
So! Everything is going
according to plan. Uhh!
Gotta work together.
Right, like the tournament games.
June and Chef, chicken fight!
Go eat your head, skin monkey.
Did you get up on the wrong side
of the cave today, or what?
No, I just don't like that human.
What about me?
Oh, I don't like you either,
just less than I don't like him.
Good enough for me. Come on.
[grunting]
Biggun, you're up! Human hurling!
Uhh! Aah!
Ugh!
-Strong strategy, Human Dirk.
-[laughing, gasps]
Jack, we can't hold them off forever.
The line will fall. Dark armies
will march across the land.
I'm running out of intense things to say!
[Jack] Be right there, June.
And just in time to make a joke
about us having our own problems.
Jack, what do we do?
Uhh! Don't you have anything else
in your utility belt, Bardle-man?
Indeed. This is no longer fun.
Uhh! [screaming]
Hi-yah!
-Hi-yah!
-Thanks, Globlet!
[grunting]
[June]
Uh-oh! We really need some backup!
[grunting]
Aah!
[Jack] Wow, he is a wizard!
Quickly, get the bones!
-Score! Let's beat it! [grunting]
-[grunting]
[Bardle] We should make haste.
Zombies are not patient.
I have an idea!
[grunting]
Human June!
I am thrilled with emotion!
Why are you thrilled about this?
-Because we're doomed with each other.
-Ugh!
June uhh
she might be right
about that doomed thing.
[siren wailing]
Jack!
Ten points for Jack!
[honk]
It really is louder than I thought
it would be up close.
-Guys!
-Hi, June! Hi, Dirk!
Hit it, Bardle!
You were right about the firetruck.
This is fun!
Here, a zombie repellent
ooze pack for you.
Oh, boy, that is a strong smell.
-I know, right?
-Not as bad as that blasted toilet bucket.
Huh!
Run, smelly dead things!
I'll join your race, probably,
but not this day.
-Eh, Dirk?
-Whatever you say, lady. You got the axe.
Wanna smell it? Smells like glory.
[sniffs]
[disgusted]
Yeah, you should probably wash that.
[grunting]
[growling and moaning]
Uhh! And stay out!
Uhh! [laughs]
The Zom-B-Gone torches
actually made all the zombies gone.
Way to go, Quint!
Ah, it's not as toxic
as direct goo contact.
But electricity plus monster guts
equals serious zombie repellent.
Well done, Quint. Clever.
-[chuckles] Thanks. I'm no wizard but
-Decidedly not.
-Hmm.
-[panting] Nice going, Quint.
And now that that's done,
I can jump right back on the radio.
I'm just glad you're OK.
We can tackle the radio later.
Like, 20 minutes?
Kidding. Take 30. [laughs]
Human Dirk, you did well
[chuckles] for a human.
You did well for a monster!
Dirk Monster!
Go peddle your sack of lameness
somewhere else, slap fondue.
[mumbles] Slap fondue. I like fondue.
-[laughing]
-And then Quint was all,
-jerk-a-jerk-a-jerk-a with the hose, and
-I was awesome for a moment!
For real! And Dirk getting
his monster on with Skaelka!
She let me sniff her axe!
Totally! Wait, what now?
-Um
-Hey, Jack!
We, uh, just wanted
to thank you for today.
It was great and full of glory!
And really, really fun.
We have something for you.
Oh, wow. You guys!
[chuckles] You earned it.
Keeper of the fun!
Ugh, I'm gonna eat him in his sleep
and then take the trophy.
Ha-ha ugh!
-Keeper of the fun!
-Woo-hoo!
[growling]
[screeching]
-[screeching]
-[roaring]
[crunch]
[theme music playing]