The Wonder Years s03e03 Episode Script
Wayne on Wheels
Once up on a time I lived in a great big house.
With a great big yard, and a great big bedroom.
And a great big older brother.
But by the middle of nineteen-sixty-nine, the house and the yard and the bedroom were are all getting Smaller.
Or maybe Wayne and I were getting larger.
One thing was certain.
We were running out of room.
The pressure was building.
Then, just when things seemed near the point of no-return Something happened.
Something unexpected.
Something terrifying.
Dammit, Wayne! I had my blinker on.
I don't believe this! Wayne is driving? Yeah.
He got his learner's permit yesterday.
OK, Wayne.
Slower this time.
Gotcha.
Man - clear the streets! He's a menace! Maybe that was true But I couldn't be bothered with the overall threat to society.
The fact is, this was the solution I'd been praying for.
Simply stated, Wayne on wheels meant just one thing.
Wayne - out of my life! OK When the traffic signal is out-of-order, you should "A", use caution and proceed through the intersection, "B", slow down then take the right-of-way, or "C", treat the intersection as a four-way stop? - Uh.
.
Let's see.
- Four-way stop.
Yes! It was the first time I ever rooted for my brother.
OK.
The speed limit in a school zone is "A", five miles per hour, "B", fifteen miles per hour, "C", twenty miles per hour? The way I saw it It was my future hanging in the balance.
Wait, wait, wait - I know this one.
It's "B", Wayne "B", right You better study harder - Delores, I don't - If you don't pass this test and you don't get his license you know what else you don't get.
The woman was obviously a keen student Of motivational dynamics.
OK, OK Yep - with a little luck Wayne was on his way.
Leaving me on the threshold of a brave new world.
Which in thirteen-year-old terms meant The mall.
Four-hundred-thousand square feet of unsupervised opportunity.
Of course, you needed a ride from Mom to get there.
But once you were there it was adolescent paradise.
Pizza movies Girls.
Exotic girls Girls from other schools.
Boy! Some pair, huh? What?! How do you think I'd look in them? Paul we wasted an entire Saturday looking at shoes.
I just need an opinion, OK? I can play it safe with these, but And I want you to be perfectly honest with me, OK? What do you think of these? Uh-oh.
This wasn't just a question about shoes.
This was a question about manhood.
Well? You don't think I can carry these off? I mean, Bruce Gaines wore 'em last week And he looked pretty cool.
But suddenly, Paul wasn't there anymore.
It was just me And a vision Hovering just beyond the P.
F.
Flyers.
I'd just seen my future through a shoestore window.
Kevin? I gotta go.
There was no room for hesitation.
It was time to seize the moment.
Let no obstacle stand in my way.
I was chasing a fantasy a dream a vision.
That had vanished into thin air.
Kevin, what happened? Never mind It didn't seem fair.
There's always next weekend.
The boots.
To get 'em next weekend.
Well, maybe Paul was right.
Maybe we'd get 'em next weekend.
After all Anything was possible.
Now that I was about to be a free man.
Yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Whoo! It was a moment to remember.
For one brief instant My brother and I Were in total agreement.
- Congratulations, Wayne! - Thanks, butthead.
Excuse me.
And then it happened.
- Mom, I need a ride to the mall.
- Mom, I gotta to go pick up Delores.
Uh-oh Wait, Mom - it's Saturday.
You promised to take me to the mall.
And you said as soon as I got this I could have the car.
I know Wayne, you take Kevin to the mall, and then you can have the car.
- What? - What? - Mom! - Mom, it's totally out of my way! But, honey Now that you have a license and car privileges, you have to assume Some of the responsibilities And one of those is driving Kevin.
This was unbelievable! A terrible twist of fate.
The hoped-for boon had instantly turned into a curse.
Wayne and I were thrown together once again.
OK - butthead's out! Here? Hey Mom said the mall I mean, technically this is the mall.
Come on, Kev Let's just go.
Eh! Be on the curb at six-thirty Or spend the night.
Have fun shopping, girls.
Hey, is that her? How about that one? Paul, trust me I'll know her if I see her.
But things were looking grim.
We'd been around the mall seven times in three hours.
Not a sign of the girl in the window.
That's her! And then Paul It can't be! Bingo! One, please! Kevin, what are you doing? I'm going in the movies.
It's "Romeo and Juliet".
Yes, I know what it is.
I'm not seeing "Romeo and Ju - ".
Kevin! One, please.
- Sorry.
- Shhh! - Paul, what are you doing? - Sorry "Two households, both alike in dignity.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene " Excuse me.
" their civil blood makes civil hands unclean " At last, I had come to realize my quest.
"A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life " I had managed to turn my dream world.
.
Into flesh bones and strawberry-scented hair.
She was mine for the taking.
"For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet, and her Romeo" Come on, Paul - let's go.
Paul? My allergies.
This is stupid! We could spend all night following her around.
Are you gonna talk to her or not? Because if you are, you could go up and talk to her If not, then we might as well leave.
And then, in a flash Our eyes met.
Our souls danced.
And all else faded to the background.
It was just me My dream girl And forty feet of sidewalk.
I was going to open my mouth, and let love speak For itself.
My lips Two blushing Pilgrims ready stand To smooth the rough touch With a tender kiss.
Hi Well, well, well.
What do we have here a new girlfriend Perhaps? Getting a little smoocharoo at the movies, baby brother? There was only one thing to do.
Bye.
Salvage what I could of my dignity.
Oops! Wayne! Wayne - don't do this to me.
Do what? I'm just having a little trouble here with the brakes, that's all.
I swear, I won't do it this time.
- Wayne! - Hey! OK.
I swear I won't do it.
Just get in.
- Wayne - Really, come on - I-I gotta get home.
Wayne.
Wayne! I don't get it? I mean, what's the big deal? Hey - I tried.
.
To pick him up - he just wouldn't get in.
Wayne We are very Disappointed in you.
Actually, I think Dad Was a wee bit more than disappointed.
A car is not a toy And the privilege of driving is not something to be taken lightly.
Now, anyone with half a brain would have settled for a lecture.
But well Wayne was Wayne.
Well what good is having a license if all I get to do is drive Kevin around! You're right.
Huh? No more driving for you.
Privileges suspended.
Indefinitely.
A funny thing happens when you're thirteen and your brother gets punished You kind of enjoy it.
What are you grinnin' at? In fact You revel in it.
Sure, I felt some pity.
But somehow I knew Deep down It was him, or me.
- You're not going to believe this! - It's too cool! What? Remember that girl up in the mall? Remember? I'd spent a whole week trying to forget how idiotic I must have looked to her in that parking lot.
What about her? Well I talked to her friend You did? Where? I saw her walking out of the movie again.
You went back to see "Romeo and Juliet"? Yeah - I took Carla, OK? So, what happened? Well, turns out, the pretty girl, she used to go to Jericho, and her brother, john went steady with Carla's friend, Cathy Back in the sixth grade - Paul? - Well, these two used to hang out together.
You know, they used to make mud-pies Paul, will you get to the point?! Well she told Carla that she's gonna be at the mall tonite and we might kinda run into her Run into her Uh-huh What else did she say? Nothin'.
Except The pretty one thinks you're cute.
She said that? Really Mom? Hey, Mom? Can you take me to the Mall Oh, no Wayne'll drive you.
- Won't you, Wayne? - Sure I'd be glad to.
- But, I - - Your brother and I had a little talk.
About responsibility.
Right, Wayne? Right, Dad.
Ready to go, Kev? Kev? This was nuts.
Did they really believe Wayne Had changed his spots? Would six o'clock be OK with you, Kev? Still, it was possible.
In theory.
Get out! Note I said "In theory".
What? Here.
Here's ten bucks.
Why don't you just go hang out at Paul's house for a couple hours? No way! We're going to the mall.
No, you're not.
Yes, we are.
Look - I have a date with Delores and I don't have time to drive you all the way to the mall Well, I have a date, too.
Yeah, right.
Come on - I'm already late.
So are we.
We're not getting out, Wayne.
Fine.
Then we'll just sit here.
Fine.
Kevin, quit foolin' around! Just take the money and get out! No, you promised Dad! I didn't get my license So I could be your chauffeur.
OK so what are we supposed to do? I'll give you a choice.
Get out of the car or die! Is today Friday? I just remembered I-I gotta take my sister to "Kitty City" Maybe I'll just walk home from here.
Well? Just take me to the stupid mall! Kevin, I'm not kidding! I'm not, either! Get out of the damn car! Maybe I should have.
But I knew if I gave in now I'd be riding a bike for the rest of my life.
Look, Wayne - will you stop acting like a selfish jerk? Fine! You want to go to the mall?! Well, let's go to the mall.
Instinctively, I knew I had to show no fear.
I knew Wayne would never push it past a certain limit.
I was wrong.
Wayne.
Wayne! Look out! Ahhhhhhhhh! At that moment, all I could think of was that great big house with the great big yard I'd never see again.
Wayne! Wayne! You're crazy, you know that!? You could have got us killed! Are you OK? It was the first time he had asked me that question in thirteen years.
Yeah, I think so.
As we drove home in silence We began to realize the absurdity of our situation.
We were two people, with almost nothing in common thrown together by circumstance.
The harder we struggled against that fact, the more tightly we were bound together.
That night, the gap between thirteen and sixteen Got a little smaller.
What the hell happened? The tire blew, Dad.
The spare was flat.
How fast were you goin'? Only about thirty.
Thirty-five.
I didn't make it back to the mall for several weeks.
Somehow I just didn't feel like gettin' in a car.
Want a lift? No, I'll walk.
Ah, come on - get in.
As for Wayne and me we'd reached a new understanding.
Wayne! Come on - get in.
We didn't have to be friends or anything.
- Wayne! - No, no! Really! But we'd always be brothers.
"Round round get around I get around Yeah" "Get around round round I get around I get around" "Get around round round I get around From town to town" "Get around round round I get around I'm a real cool head" "Get around round round I get around I'm makin' real good bread" "I'm gettin' bugged driving up and down the same old strip" "I gotta finda new place where the kids are hip" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"My buddies and me are getting real well known" Á¦ÀÛ:iamy1004 "Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone"
With a great big yard, and a great big bedroom.
And a great big older brother.
But by the middle of nineteen-sixty-nine, the house and the yard and the bedroom were are all getting Smaller.
Or maybe Wayne and I were getting larger.
One thing was certain.
We were running out of room.
The pressure was building.
Then, just when things seemed near the point of no-return Something happened.
Something unexpected.
Something terrifying.
Dammit, Wayne! I had my blinker on.
I don't believe this! Wayne is driving? Yeah.
He got his learner's permit yesterday.
OK, Wayne.
Slower this time.
Gotcha.
Man - clear the streets! He's a menace! Maybe that was true But I couldn't be bothered with the overall threat to society.
The fact is, this was the solution I'd been praying for.
Simply stated, Wayne on wheels meant just one thing.
Wayne - out of my life! OK When the traffic signal is out-of-order, you should "A", use caution and proceed through the intersection, "B", slow down then take the right-of-way, or "C", treat the intersection as a four-way stop? - Uh.
.
Let's see.
- Four-way stop.
Yes! It was the first time I ever rooted for my brother.
OK.
The speed limit in a school zone is "A", five miles per hour, "B", fifteen miles per hour, "C", twenty miles per hour? The way I saw it It was my future hanging in the balance.
Wait, wait, wait - I know this one.
It's "B", Wayne "B", right You better study harder - Delores, I don't - If you don't pass this test and you don't get his license you know what else you don't get.
The woman was obviously a keen student Of motivational dynamics.
OK, OK Yep - with a little luck Wayne was on his way.
Leaving me on the threshold of a brave new world.
Which in thirteen-year-old terms meant The mall.
Four-hundred-thousand square feet of unsupervised opportunity.
Of course, you needed a ride from Mom to get there.
But once you were there it was adolescent paradise.
Pizza movies Girls.
Exotic girls Girls from other schools.
Boy! Some pair, huh? What?! How do you think I'd look in them? Paul we wasted an entire Saturday looking at shoes.
I just need an opinion, OK? I can play it safe with these, but And I want you to be perfectly honest with me, OK? What do you think of these? Uh-oh.
This wasn't just a question about shoes.
This was a question about manhood.
Well? You don't think I can carry these off? I mean, Bruce Gaines wore 'em last week And he looked pretty cool.
But suddenly, Paul wasn't there anymore.
It was just me And a vision Hovering just beyond the P.
F.
Flyers.
I'd just seen my future through a shoestore window.
Kevin? I gotta go.
There was no room for hesitation.
It was time to seize the moment.
Let no obstacle stand in my way.
I was chasing a fantasy a dream a vision.
That had vanished into thin air.
Kevin, what happened? Never mind It didn't seem fair.
There's always next weekend.
The boots.
To get 'em next weekend.
Well, maybe Paul was right.
Maybe we'd get 'em next weekend.
After all Anything was possible.
Now that I was about to be a free man.
Yes.
Yes! Yes! Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Whoo! It was a moment to remember.
For one brief instant My brother and I Were in total agreement.
- Congratulations, Wayne! - Thanks, butthead.
Excuse me.
And then it happened.
- Mom, I need a ride to the mall.
- Mom, I gotta to go pick up Delores.
Uh-oh Wait, Mom - it's Saturday.
You promised to take me to the mall.
And you said as soon as I got this I could have the car.
I know Wayne, you take Kevin to the mall, and then you can have the car.
- What? - What? - Mom! - Mom, it's totally out of my way! But, honey Now that you have a license and car privileges, you have to assume Some of the responsibilities And one of those is driving Kevin.
This was unbelievable! A terrible twist of fate.
The hoped-for boon had instantly turned into a curse.
Wayne and I were thrown together once again.
OK - butthead's out! Here? Hey Mom said the mall I mean, technically this is the mall.
Come on, Kev Let's just go.
Eh! Be on the curb at six-thirty Or spend the night.
Have fun shopping, girls.
Hey, is that her? How about that one? Paul, trust me I'll know her if I see her.
But things were looking grim.
We'd been around the mall seven times in three hours.
Not a sign of the girl in the window.
That's her! And then Paul It can't be! Bingo! One, please! Kevin, what are you doing? I'm going in the movies.
It's "Romeo and Juliet".
Yes, I know what it is.
I'm not seeing "Romeo and Ju - ".
Kevin! One, please.
- Sorry.
- Shhh! - Paul, what are you doing? - Sorry "Two households, both alike in dignity.
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene " Excuse me.
" their civil blood makes civil hands unclean " At last, I had come to realize my quest.
"A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life " I had managed to turn my dream world.
.
Into flesh bones and strawberry-scented hair.
She was mine for the taking.
"For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet, and her Romeo" Come on, Paul - let's go.
Paul? My allergies.
This is stupid! We could spend all night following her around.
Are you gonna talk to her or not? Because if you are, you could go up and talk to her If not, then we might as well leave.
And then, in a flash Our eyes met.
Our souls danced.
And all else faded to the background.
It was just me My dream girl And forty feet of sidewalk.
I was going to open my mouth, and let love speak For itself.
My lips Two blushing Pilgrims ready stand To smooth the rough touch With a tender kiss.
Hi Well, well, well.
What do we have here a new girlfriend Perhaps? Getting a little smoocharoo at the movies, baby brother? There was only one thing to do.
Bye.
Salvage what I could of my dignity.
Oops! Wayne! Wayne - don't do this to me.
Do what? I'm just having a little trouble here with the brakes, that's all.
I swear, I won't do it this time.
- Wayne! - Hey! OK.
I swear I won't do it.
Just get in.
- Wayne - Really, come on - I-I gotta get home.
Wayne.
Wayne! I don't get it? I mean, what's the big deal? Hey - I tried.
.
To pick him up - he just wouldn't get in.
Wayne We are very Disappointed in you.
Actually, I think Dad Was a wee bit more than disappointed.
A car is not a toy And the privilege of driving is not something to be taken lightly.
Now, anyone with half a brain would have settled for a lecture.
But well Wayne was Wayne.
Well what good is having a license if all I get to do is drive Kevin around! You're right.
Huh? No more driving for you.
Privileges suspended.
Indefinitely.
A funny thing happens when you're thirteen and your brother gets punished You kind of enjoy it.
What are you grinnin' at? In fact You revel in it.
Sure, I felt some pity.
But somehow I knew Deep down It was him, or me.
- You're not going to believe this! - It's too cool! What? Remember that girl up in the mall? Remember? I'd spent a whole week trying to forget how idiotic I must have looked to her in that parking lot.
What about her? Well I talked to her friend You did? Where? I saw her walking out of the movie again.
You went back to see "Romeo and Juliet"? Yeah - I took Carla, OK? So, what happened? Well, turns out, the pretty girl, she used to go to Jericho, and her brother, john went steady with Carla's friend, Cathy Back in the sixth grade - Paul? - Well, these two used to hang out together.
You know, they used to make mud-pies Paul, will you get to the point?! Well she told Carla that she's gonna be at the mall tonite and we might kinda run into her Run into her Uh-huh What else did she say? Nothin'.
Except The pretty one thinks you're cute.
She said that? Really Mom? Hey, Mom? Can you take me to the Mall Oh, no Wayne'll drive you.
- Won't you, Wayne? - Sure I'd be glad to.
- But, I - - Your brother and I had a little talk.
About responsibility.
Right, Wayne? Right, Dad.
Ready to go, Kev? Kev? This was nuts.
Did they really believe Wayne Had changed his spots? Would six o'clock be OK with you, Kev? Still, it was possible.
In theory.
Get out! Note I said "In theory".
What? Here.
Here's ten bucks.
Why don't you just go hang out at Paul's house for a couple hours? No way! We're going to the mall.
No, you're not.
Yes, we are.
Look - I have a date with Delores and I don't have time to drive you all the way to the mall Well, I have a date, too.
Yeah, right.
Come on - I'm already late.
So are we.
We're not getting out, Wayne.
Fine.
Then we'll just sit here.
Fine.
Kevin, quit foolin' around! Just take the money and get out! No, you promised Dad! I didn't get my license So I could be your chauffeur.
OK so what are we supposed to do? I'll give you a choice.
Get out of the car or die! Is today Friday? I just remembered I-I gotta take my sister to "Kitty City" Maybe I'll just walk home from here.
Well? Just take me to the stupid mall! Kevin, I'm not kidding! I'm not, either! Get out of the damn car! Maybe I should have.
But I knew if I gave in now I'd be riding a bike for the rest of my life.
Look, Wayne - will you stop acting like a selfish jerk? Fine! You want to go to the mall?! Well, let's go to the mall.
Instinctively, I knew I had to show no fear.
I knew Wayne would never push it past a certain limit.
I was wrong.
Wayne.
Wayne! Look out! Ahhhhhhhhh! At that moment, all I could think of was that great big house with the great big yard I'd never see again.
Wayne! Wayne! You're crazy, you know that!? You could have got us killed! Are you OK? It was the first time he had asked me that question in thirteen years.
Yeah, I think so.
As we drove home in silence We began to realize the absurdity of our situation.
We were two people, with almost nothing in common thrown together by circumstance.
The harder we struggled against that fact, the more tightly we were bound together.
That night, the gap between thirteen and sixteen Got a little smaller.
What the hell happened? The tire blew, Dad.
The spare was flat.
How fast were you goin'? Only about thirty.
Thirty-five.
I didn't make it back to the mall for several weeks.
Somehow I just didn't feel like gettin' in a car.
Want a lift? No, I'll walk.
Ah, come on - get in.
As for Wayne and me we'd reached a new understanding.
Wayne! Come on - get in.
We didn't have to be friends or anything.
- Wayne! - No, no! Really! But we'd always be brothers.
"Round round get around I get around Yeah" "Get around round round I get around I get around" "Get around round round I get around From town to town" "Get around round round I get around I'm a real cool head" "Get around round round I get around I'm makin' real good bread" "I'm gettin' bugged driving up and down the same old strip" "I gotta finda new place where the kids are hip" °¨»çÇÕÏÙÙ.
"My buddies and me are getting real well known" Á¦ÀÛ:iamy1004 "Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone"