UnREAL (2015) s03e03 Episode Script

1 CHET: She's the female Elon Musk.
Serena is our girl.
RACHEL: What's wrong with her winning? - It's cool.
- She can hang with the guys.
Yeah, except none of the guys want to hang with her.
It's like she's wearing dude-repellent.
- Have fun boys.
- The woman you are at work is not the girl that a man wants to date.
I know what guys want.
And you've got to make him feel important.
- Can you help me? - Yeah, I sure can.
You're pumping toxic sludge into the minds of young women.
You're telling them that they have to dummy themselves down to land some dude.
Okay, enough, all right? Just get the hell out.
DR.
SIMON: Your version of "Essential Honesty" just feels kind of blame-y.
Like you're using it as a shield.
I am out of vodka, and it is supposed to be stocked.
- I set up our meeting for that pitch.
- Great.
This woman is looking for a poodle.
Not a man.
Then be a man.
Start the revolution! - [SPITS.]
- Hey, hey! Call security, right now.
Come on, it's good TV.
Look at that! That's what I was waiting for.
And cut! Move over.
It's big enough for two.
There we go.
- August.
- Am I in trouble? Yes.
- [MOANING.]
- I feel the fever coming over me We are never doing this again.
Now, that's what you said last time.
Well, this time I mean it.
Oh, you said that too.
Oh.
Ah! [CHUCKLES.]
Where'd you learn that? - Africa.
- [LAUGHS.]
Now let's go to Big Sur.
Sunset hikes.
Hot springs at Esalen.
No, no, no, no.
That's never gonna happen.
You and me naked in the redwoods.
That oh! - That sounds fantastic.
- No.
That sounds like, uh - That sounds like career suicide.
- Come on.
You must pick a contestant every season to have a fling with.
No, actually, I don't.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm your first? Yeah.
Don't you feel special? Now finish.
Okay.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
Where are you going? Aren't you supposed to be in wardrobe? Uh, oh.
I was just gonna take a quick dip, You know clear out the cobwebs.
Yeah.
No.
I don't really think you have time for that.
What, are you, uh, not sleeping well in the hammock? What? No.
Yeah, I'm I'm sleeping great.
- Yeah.
Couldn't be better.
- Awesome.
Yeah, well, if you ever need anything, you'll let me know, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course I would.
But, I don't.
I'll, uh I'll see ya, Rachel.
Rachel.
- Hey! Hang on a minute.
- I'm gonna go talk to Serena.
- Hang on a minute.
- Quinn! They asked if you wanted generic or name brand, - and I just got generic.
I could - Put it in my office, moron! Cranberry juice and meds? Uh-oh.
Is someone experiencing a hideous burning sensation while peeing? Come on.
It's clearly a UTI comfort kit.
- Who's the lucky guy, Quinn? - Yeah, there's no guy.
It is pure, unadulterated, pharmaceutical-grade stress.
- Going in? - Oh.
Great.
I'm sorry.
What is he doing here? Look, you should just go ahead and produce your guys.
I am, right after I go talk to Serena.
Uh, Madison is producing Serena now.
- Quinn, let's go.
- You gave the suitress to Madison? You made it very clear that you wanted no part of the "toxic sludge" that we're pumping into the world.
And I didn't want to get in the way of your "Essential Honesty" so I took you out of the mix.
You're welcome.
Oh my God.
America's sweetheart? You stick with me kiddo, and we're gonna have America falling all over itself.
The network is really happy.
They're looking forward to this week's fantasy theme.
Great.
That's That's great.
For you.
It's just, um it's not really me.
Yes, it is.
See? That's you at the party.
No, no.
I know that it's me.
It's just all the the nodding and the smiling.
- It's not who I am.
- What are you talking about? Look at yourself.
You're having a blast.
- But I'm not! - You're a natural! You just have to be a little more girlie.
Remember our plan.
You know, it's it's very hard to adjust to being on the show.
But don't worry.
We'll make it easy for you.
Trust me, we've got you covered.
[MOZART'S "EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK" PLAYS.]
Today, eleven valiant knights will vie for the hand of our lovely princess.
But who will be the purest of heart and win that all important one-on-one? Ah, Graham.
You look like an idiot.
Okay, cameras.
Grab me some close-ups on these guys.
- Oh my God.
- It's like "Game of Thrones" puked up Snow White.
Ugh.
Oh, that's great.
Push in.
- Push in! - RACHEL: All right, Quinn, look, I am really trying, but this whole thing is just Well, Madison's got Serena's back.
So just produce your guys.
Quinn.
This princess-in-a-castle crap is dumb even for us.
Well, we're just trying to fem your girl up, Rach.
This is end-of-days/ jump the shark time.
Doc, back me up.
It's an archetype that's a little out of date.
That is working, okay?! Come on.
Tampon companies are lining up to buy ads! And Gary is texting me about how happy he is.
- You know what that means? - Yes.
That another over-privileged white guy is happy with the status quo.
It means that he has had to put the knife down that he has been holding to my throat for the past three weeks.
So, I am sorry if you two are not happy.
But I am.
So deal with it.
Madison, we need our beautiful princess smiling and waiting to be rescued.
- [RADIO CHATTER.]
- Hi.
I'm Charlie.
Filling in for Freddy? I'm really excited to work with the Zeiss zooms.
It's my first chance getting my hands on those new lenses.
Adds five pounds to the front of the camera.
It's a real joy.
I can't breathe.
Well, you look amazing.
[MEN GRUNTING.]
Boom! Ballet boy goes down.
Oh! The mouth-breathers are gonna eat that up.
- Hey, you wanted to see me? - Yes.
Pitch me.
I want to hear what you got.
- What, like, right now? - Yes, Jay.
We already have a meeting on the books.
Per your request.
So, am I gonna have to cancel that? No.
Obviously not.
I just Um, you need to see this video No.
Eyes are busy.
Use your words.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Uh, so, there's this gay underground dance scene in New Orleans called "Sissy Bounce.
" Don't flip out.
Sissy is the gayest word now.
- We've reclaimed it.
- Oh thank God.
Hello.
I'm Chet Wilton.
Take a journey with me, won't you? Into "The Heart of American Television.
" Where it is.
Where it's been.
Where it's going.
- What're you doing? - Join Jesus.
Uh, I'm doing behind the scenes stuff.
like "additional content.
" - New media.
- Yeah, yeah, I got it.
- I just thought you wanted an Emmy.
- My I do.
This is how you do it.
You engage the audience.
You can engage them all you want, Chet, but, um, this is what they're actually gonna see.
I mean, it's totally cheesy.
Okay, so, um, it's about making a space for different kinds of maleness within trap music, which is a sub-genre of hip-hop, which, as you know Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you kidding me? Trapped in a gay, hip-hop, sub-genre? - No.
Quinn, that's not - Who are we supposed to sell that to? A lot of places, Quinn.
I think it's an amazing way to talk about male identity and homophobia Have you ever heard of network television? I mean, I need a four quadrant juggernaut.
Not like an eighth of a quadrant niche show that maybe gets a summer run on basic cable.
Well, I think if you just, like, actually saw this video No.
Do better.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, great.
- Ow.
- Are you okay? I am great.
All right? Just get me a show that I can sell! I mean, don't you want to make something that people are gonna talk about, not just laugh at? I mean, something something buzzy? - Zeitgeisty? - Exactly! Ask these really hard questions about men and women.
Like why this princess crap actually works! You know, you get these guys to say what they would never say in public.
Get them to tell the truth! Does Quinn know about this? Okay, well, look, Quinn is operating from a place of fear Which is not gonna help her get the empire she wants.
It's never gonna get you the Emmy you want.
I'm just saying that we are sitting on a story.
That needs to be told.
And you are just the man to tell it.
Okay.
This is crazy, because that's what Crystal said.
Thank you, Rachel.
Finally, I am seen.
- Let's do this.
- Mm.
This is all I'm supposed to do? Just stand here and smile? Well, you could, like, try calling out to them.
You know like, "Help me! Save me!" We're coming for you, Princess! See? They love it! This is just beyond.
Fine.
Will you at least throw some of these? I thought I was a captive! Why am I throwing out roses? Who cares? Just toss them and smile.
[SIGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
So, how do you feel about today's date? "Rescuing the princess?" I don't know It's goofy, the whole, uh, "protect your woman" thing.
But girls like it and we like it, so Uh, why do you think that is, Owen? I guess things were just simpler back then.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Do you consider yourself a feminist? What? No.
Uh, I mean I'm I'm not much for labels.
So, you don't consider yourself a feminist? RACHEL: This is good.
Here we go.
Just let him settle into the discomfort.
Don't say anything.
In my experience it can be an excuse for some really selfish behavior.
Ooh.
Good.
We might be onto something.
What do you mean by "selfish behavior"? Look my ex-wife started calling herself a feminist, and And then what? You know, I'd just as soon not talk about this, - if you don't mind.
- No, we do mind! Y-You, uh Ask him again! Uh, I-I Hey, look, I'm sorry.
This is just really important, Owen, okay? It obviously affects the way you feel about women.
What did she do? She just made some choices.
Okay? - Did she cheat on you? - Among other things yes.
- Rachel - That's awful and I'm really sorry it happened, - but that shouldn't affect the way - Me? You're right.
But when I got home from my last tour in Iraq, my wife handed me our baby girl and told me she was done being a mom.
So now I have to look into my daughter's eyes every day and explain why Mommy had to "find herself" with Daddy's best friend.
So, I'm sorry, but in my house, feminist is just a fancy word for For what? It's okay.
You can say it.
For selfish bitch.
- We've got to cut.
I'm out of juice.
- No.
We're fine.
- We've got - We need a fresh brick.
- We We, uh - What the hell are you doing?! Your only job is to roll until I yell cut.
What did you want him to say, Rach? What, that men hate women? That we think you're all manipulating bitches? - Put cameras on me I'll say it! - That's enough.
You cannot let her get to you like that.
Well, I can't just stand by and watch her work that guy.
You got to get the taste of crazy out of your mouth.
[BOTH SIGH.]
You've got to find another woman.
Worked for me.
Somebody light.
Fun.
Different.
[TRAP MUSIC PLAYS.]
Yeah, I, uh I had this idea for a show.
- I love it! - You do? You know how strong you have to be to do that? You have to have muscles inside I know.
A-And And what's so interesting about it Those asses are incredible! Uh, yeah.
- I mean, there's definitely that, bu - Who's this guy? Uh, his name is Xavier Chopin.
- He's from New Orleans and he's - He's a talent.
- Right? - Absolutely.
- You know him? - Yes, I know him.
- He's a friend.
- What kind of friend? He's obviously a very talented one.
This is all over the world, you know.
- Seriously? - Absolutely.
Of course.
Not this same, but The need to speak with the body.
In any city, there's a club where this kind of thing is happening.
And is beautiful.
Huh.
Xavier is lucky guy.
What did your ex-wife do to you? Did she cheat on you? What do you think? Too concerned? Not concerned enough? - Oh, perfect amount of concerned.
- Yeah We're getting good stuff here.
This is definitely Emmy material.
Our last three competitors are stumped by the final clue a riddle to solve to enter the tower and at last, save our princess.
It's a tough one! Let's watch [SIGHS.]
How the hell haven't they figured this out yet? And how is this supposed to help me find true love? Well, someone's gonna get the one-on-one, - and then you'll go on a date and - You know what? Each knight pursues his holy grail and he who listens ends the tale.
Does this have something to do with the pony? I can't take it anymore.
I just I can't.
I cannot do this anymore! Take this shit off of me! - What the hell is this?! - I just I can't! Get this off of me! Get this regressive, patriarchal shit off! Hey! No! Cut! Madison! - I'm sorry, I just - Serena is your girl! You have to stay on top of her! No.
Never mind.
I'm putting Rachel back on this.
Now, where the hell is Rachel?! Oh! Grr! God made the sexes different and God don't make no mistakes, so that right there just goes to show that What the hell are you doing? One second.
Excuse me.
We are just shooting some B-roll.
- No, I didn't ask for B-roll.
- No, I know.
We're just using it, we were thinking, as a counterpoint Look, I don't need you to tell me how to cut my show.
You're going rogue again, clearly.
She's not going rogue, she's with me.
Chet and Rachel.
My dream team.
Hey.
I hear you guys are interviewing feminists.
Where can I sign up? - Oh, how ya doing, Quinn? - Why are you talking to me? Uh I was just being cordial.
Have you met me? I don't do cordial.
Okay, I was I was just trying to be polite.
You know what? I am the executive producer of the show.
I don't know who the hell you think you are.
- Stop.
- No.
You I need to go and fix Serena.
Now.
Can someone help me make this godforsaken show? [SIGHS.]
- You okay? - [SARCASTICALLY.]
Yeah.
Super.
Really happy with the way things are going.
Well, I was rather surprised that they convinced you to go the full Rapunzel thing.
I didn't have much of a choice, because, evidently, me as me is a little too strong a taste for you guys.
Wait a second that's not true.
Oh come on, I cleared the room during the poker game.
Why? - Because I know Mark Zuckerberg.
- That's not what happened.
Oh, that is exactly what happened.
I'm sooo intimidating because I have a job.
And a bank account.
And And, most egregious, - a point of view! - Oh, is that what this is? You know what? Why don't you just go home.
Hop on Tinder.
Or call up one of the yoga instructors I am sure you have on speed dial.
You don't know anything about the women I date.
Oh, I'm sorry Is it Pilates? Or Or spinning? CrossFit? Whatever it is, I will bet 20 to 1 you will never end up with a "ball-buster" like me.
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
Hey, what was that? Oh, God.
Nothing.
Not a damn thing.
- Everything good? - Peachy.
[SIGHS.]
Have you come to gloat about how I never should have listened to Chet? No.
I'm not doing that.
But, look, you got it out of your system.
You good now? You want me to jump you back into 2017? What, like as a slutty nurse or something? No How about just finding a real-ass guy that you want to hang out with in the real-ass world? Does that sound good? Sounds fairly impossible.
- But I'm listening.
- Good.
Okay, so, the guy with the man-bun? Ha! Who, August? Yeah, I'm thinking he might actually be that guy.
- The yoga dude? - Look, I know what he looks like, but I'm telling you, he's so much more than that.
The guy has four years in the Peace Corps, right now he works at this incredible NGO.
I mean, he's just, like, a substantial human being that cares about the world, which I know you do, too.
That's a nice thing to say.
Listen, I know the kinds of things that you invest in.
I admire the hell out of it.
I know that August is going to admire it, too.
I really think you're gonna like him.
After a day in the past, our princess is back to thinking about the future.
Her future.
And that elusive holy grail of true romance.
I'm sorry for my little melt-down earlier.
AUSTIN: No, there's there's no need to apologize.
Oh, sure.
Why would we have a fantastic banquet table with goblets and torches when we could just have two wicker chairs and a Gerber daisy? The princess thing was insane.
Right? - [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Yeah.
I guess they were trying to soften my edges a little bit.
Well, I think your edges, they look just fine.
Besides, I like a woman with a temper.
I lived with a matriarchal tribe in Tibet.
They're the most majestic women that you've ever seen.
Completely comfortable in their power.
I fell in love with every single one of them.
I think he's so interesting.
They're definitely gonna click.
Yeah, after today, I would settle for a middle school titty grab.
Vag still burning? Only when I breathe.
Quinn just can't pull me back to the B-team.
Okay, you realize I'm on the B-team, too, right? And I've been here a hell of a lot longer than you have.
Well, yeah, but I have a show under my belt.
- You shot a pilot, Madison.
- Exactly.
And how many pilots do you have under your belt? Yo, man, Serena's under a lot of pressure.
Give her a break.
Aw, Fireman.
You're so sweet, bro.
- You're so sweet.
- My name is Owen.
I think Mr.
Fireman really wants himself some Serena.
- Yep.
- Don't you? Who doesn't? JASPER: This is a reality TV show.
And I'm not an idiot.
Oh, well, maybe you just haven't made much of a connection with her.
And you have? Well, please enjoy that connection.
Because there's not a chance in hell that you're going home with her.
Why is that? Come on.
How much do you make a year? What is it? 50, 60K? I don't know, man.
She's already rich.
Maybe she don't care about money.
You know what people who make a lot of money care about? - It's money.
- Yeah.
I'll guess we'll just have to wait and see.
How much do you want to bet? Let's make this interesting.
Whoa, whoa! Who bets on women? Are you kidding? It's the only reason I'm here! - What? - You're here on a bet? - Wait till Serena finds out.
- QUINN: Jasper's here on a bet? I knew that Wall Street prick was too good to be true.
We cannot let Serena find out about this.
We cannot lose another wifey.
- Totally.
- I thought women were dramatic.
I mean, in the grand scheme of things, we've got, like, four minutes on this planet.
And they have to count for something, right? - Totally.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
I have to say, you're not what I thought you'd be.
How's that? Well, I thought you'd be a little more woo-woo.
[ BOTH LAUGH.]
Well, I'm I'm pretty woo-woo.
Yeah, but somehow not annoyingly so.
Ugh.
Except totally annoyingly so.
[SIGHS.]
What is your problem with August? You, like, loved him in casting.
- No, you loved him.
- Of course I loved him.
He's a Greek God who wants to save the world.
- I mean - Oh, pbht! Don't you wish that that we could get out of here? Just spend some time in the real world? SERENA: Where would we go? Oh, Big Sur.
Esalen's right down the road.
Hot springs, sunset hikes You and me, naked in the redwoods.
Wow.
That is a lot.
Well, I just think, every now and then, you gotta break the rules.
Oh please.
You see something you want then you take it.
What the hell is he doing? - Oh my God.
He's talking to you.
- What? No, no.
- Why would he do that? - He's your UTI.
- You're boning a contestant? - Oh, nice work, Nancy Drew.
- What are you thinking? - Oh, I'm I'm sorry.
Um, weren't you the woman who tried to run away with a contestant? Yes, that's right.
That was me! That wasn't you! You could get fired.
I'm just worried about you.
Wow.
That's a new one.
I mean, look at you you're sick, you're drinking.
Those antibiotics don't even work if you mix them with alcohol, but you apparently can't stop yourself.
This is self-sabotage.
You know what? You are unbelievable.
After everything I have done for you.
I'm sick of this "Essential Honesty" crap.
I'm sorry.
What is that even supposed to mean? Have you ever stopped to think about what the past few years have been like for me? Picking up after your messes, covering shit up.
[SIGHS.]
Of course not, why would you? Because you always think you know what's best.
Rachel always does whatever the hell she wants! It starts with a few little B-roll interviews.
Next thing you know, two people are dead at the bottom of a ditch! [VOICE BREAKING.]
I am just trying to help you.
Well, don't.
I don't want it.
You begged me to come back.
Yeah.
Maybe that was a mistake.
I wanted my dragon back.
Not this mess.
[ONYAY PHEORI'S "BANSHEE" PLAYS.]
Some would call this paradise But you'll always pay a price In Banshee, you'd take out Granny if you could JAY: Rach, where the hell are you?! The guys are, like, spinning out.
I need some Rachel magic.
Please.
Flying in.
Hey, Rachel! Where the hell is Quinn? Serena's still on her date, and nobody's even in the control room.
Why is this your problem, Madison? Because I'm really worried about her.
She's been drinking.
Like, a lot.
She was practically falling down the other day, and Gary saw it too.
John the bartender says she's going through a cart of liquor a week.
She needs help.
Like, rehab or something.
You know, there are people here who can take over for her.
- I could talk to Gary.
- Rachel! - There you are! - Think about it.
Oh my God, you were so right about August.
He is amazing.
He's bright.
And funny.
And the hotness is not even worth talking about it's so overwhelming.
I had such a great time.
I mean, I just I felt like I was being myself.
I felt like he was being himself.
It just Oh, it felt like how dates are supposed to feel, you know? Easy.
And comfortable.
And oh.
Thank you.
That's all I really wanted to say.
This is exactly why I came on this show in the first place.
What? Wait.
Why aren't you happy for me? Okay, Rachel.
What? I cannot handle being jerked around by the show anymore.
Please, if there's something that I need to know, just just rip off the Band-Aid.
Rachel, please, just tell me the truth! There is no Band-Aid.
What are you talking about? No, August is He is everything you hoped he'd be.
- [LAUGHS.]
- I'm so happy for you.
Oh, thank you! You better be nice Some would call this paradise - But you'll always pay a price - Hey, John.
Oh, hey, Rach.
How's it going? Not great.
Um, you're fired.
Wait.
What? Why? Why? Because you've been stealing booze - and trying to pin it on Quinn.
- No.
That's a lie! I wouldn't steal booze.
I'm ten years sober.
Okay, well, now you're fired.
- Do you get it? - But you can't fire me.
Rachel! You shouldn't have been talking shit about the person who signs your checks, dude.
So, what do you have to do to win the bet, anyway? Huh? You gonna ask Serena to marry you just to get some kind of payout? Look, you'd better tell her, or I will.
No one is telling anyone anything! - Now, just chill out! - Jay, please.
I don't need this.
I don't need the money.
I don't need any of this.
So, please, it has been an absolute pleasure, gentlemen.
- Enjoy yourselves.
- Is there a problem? Mm-mm, mm-mm $400,000 if he's the first one to sleep with her? How did you not know about that? Why is this a problem, exactly? We can use it.
Blow it up when we need some drama.
Jasper is supposed to be a wifey! He's still a wifey.
He's a villain-wifey! It's killer We can reveal the bet in episode six - and Serena - I don't need a villain-wifey! - I need a wifey-wifey! - Why? Quinn, we are loaded to the tits with wifeys this season.
We've got Owen, and August and - No, August is not a wifey! - What are you talking about? Of course he is.
He's perfect.
He's amazing, actually.
- Hey, I've got to talk to Quinn.
- Jay was just leaving.
It's a little rough, but I think you're really gonna like it.
Like what? What are you talking about? This is the footage that Rachel and I shot.
- No! - [DOOR CLOSES.]
I'm not doing a symposium on gender politics.
Symposium? No, Rachel was right.
- We have a st - Rachel's right?! No! Never! Okay, look, you may have come here on a bet, but I've seen the way you look at Serena.
- You like her.
- So what? She's not into me.
She's made that very clear.
Of course she's into you.
And you're so clearly the front-runner, we would not have a show if we let you guys get together right away.
What do you mean? We talked smack about you.
I mean, that whole yoga teacher thing Where do you think she got that from? You are the only one she has expressed any real interest in.
Okay, that's great, but don't you think she has a right to know? Of course I do.
But being a snitch is not sexy.
You know that.
Don't blow it.
I mean, that whole date with August, that was a complete fail.
- I just feel bad for her.
- Me, too.
That whole date with August was a complete fail.
- That does make sense.
- But listen, don't even worry about it.
I promise you, we are not gonna let her find out about that bet.
I appreciate your discretion.
Of course we're gonna tell her about the bet.
- I just want to be honest.
- You're her guy.
- That's very sweet.
- I'm telling the truth.
- Really? - Trust me.
Hey, did you get a chance to think about what I said? Mm, yeah, I sure did.
And I just fired your buddy John.
- What? Why? - Why? Because he's a drunk.
He's been stealing booze for years.
That's not true.
Why would you do that? He's a bartender, Madison.
Okay? He can find another job.
Not one with benefits.
His kid is sick.
You know that, right? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE.]
- What? - Like, cancer.
Without this job, his insurance is gonna lapse.
Oh, my God.
This is not just some contestant that we can kick to the curb.
This is real life.
This actually means something.
Why would you do that? You really are as bad as everyone says.
What are you trying to say? [SIGHING.]
Oh, no.
I'm running out of time, Quinn.
And I have to do something.
[SIGHS.]
This is for my boy.
Hmm.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[GASPS.]
You know, I really do want for you what you want.
But you'll never get your empire unless you swing for the fences.
And you're playing it real safe, hon.
Mm.
Funny, I don't feel safe at all.
[SCOFFS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR SLAMS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
Rachel? Are you okay? My heart's racing.
I can feel all the blood rushing through my veins.
Okay, what's going on? I just tell one lie, and I can't stop.
It's like breathing to me.
It's so easy.
And it just feels so good.
I just, like, want it more and more.
What are you talking about? All right, look.
You You were right.
I do use Essential Honesty as a shield.
I mean, I have to, because if I don't, all of these horrible things happen because of me.
I'm making them happen.
I mean, Quinn is right.
- Rachel - I am responsible for every bad thing that has happened on this show.
That cannot be true.
Well, it is! You don't even know.
[SIGHS.]
Rachel.
This is a safe space, all right? Everything you say here is totally confidential.
I just want to understand.
[SIGHING.]
Okay.
So, two people died last season.
That's on me.
Quinn told me it was an accident.
- It wasn't.
- It wasn't? No.
I made it happen.
How did you do that? So, I went to Jeremy.
I had no idea what he would do, but I knew that he would do something, anything, to protect me.
And when I found out what he did, like, running those people off that road, I was completely horrified.
I never wanted him to do anything like that.
But the truth is, it was really kind of thrilling to have that power.
Does anyone have a 20 on Rachel? Elimination Ceremony is up.
Rachel.
Rachel, wait.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
And so, our Tournament of Love comes to an end.
And tonight only eight out of our 11 daring competitors will receive a limited-edition, customized, Swedish Army knife.
Swedish Army the solution for every problem.
QUINN: I mean, seriously? We should all slit our wrists with that knife.
Look, let's be honest.
I'm not a princess.
And my search for love is real.
It's not a fairy tale.
You don't have to be Prince Charming.
You just have to be a good man.
So, on that note, there is one person with whom I've made a real connection.
August.
I had an amazing time tonight.
Will you take this knife and stay? Excuse me.
Sorry, mate.
MAN: Hello.
[CHUCKLES.]
SERENA: Warren.
Will you take this knife and stay? Guy Alexi will you take this knife and stay? Two knives, five men.
Who will Serena choose? Oh, oh, oh! What's going to happen? Owen.
Will you take this knife and stay? [CHUCKLES.]
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- [SIGHS.]
And finally - Serena, I need to say something.
Jasper - I don't know what you may have heard, or what these people may have said about me, - but - Jasper, stop.
Please.
Is he gonna come clean? Um, I'm the one who owes you an apology.
I lost my temper earlier today, and I wasn't fair to you.
- Serena - No, Owen, just give me a minute.
I Jasper, you've been honest with me since the first night.
Vulnerable, even.
Then, things got confusing for both of us, I think.
I'm really hoping we can find our way back to that.
- Yes.
- Great.
- Absolutely.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Thank you.
- Mmm.
Thank you.
[CLICKING TONGUE.]
Those boys look angry at each other.
[CHUCKLES.]
PRESTON: So, I'm out? Guess I liked that whole princess thing a little too much.
Sayonara, Silver Fox.
All right.
That's a cut! Another glorious night of love and passion and knives.
Great show, everyone.
[PAPERS RUSTLING.]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[LAUGHS.]
No, dude, seriously? I told you, no booze for you.
Look, I had drug problem.
Alcohol is not problem.
There is new thinking on this.
- I have therapist.
- Uh, yeah.
You probably shop at the same therapist store we do.
Come on.
Do a shot with me.
You know you want to.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what? No.
Actually, - I don't.
- You know what? I don't believe you.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE.]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
Night-night, Bouncy Boy.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE.]
QUINN: Hey, Jay! Come on! Come pitch me! Let's go! Okay.
Okay.
I'm coming.
So, if you wanted to see the rest of the lens series, I'd be happy to show you.
Got them in the camera truck.
Ah, the "camera truck.
" - I know what that's code for.
- What? No.
No, you said that you wanted to see them.
I know I did.
You're right.
I really do want to see them, just maybe not now.
Fair enough.
Hey, um, did you mean what you said to Rachel earlier about feminism? God, no.
Rachel just makes me a little nuts.
- You two were a thing, huh? - We were.
- You know? Set life.
- I do.
It's how I know not to go into the camera truck and hook up with my boss on the first day.
Smart.
Smart.
You know, if you want to get to know me and ask me out on a real date, maybe I'll say "yes.
" [ZIPPER CLOSES.]
Okay, so listen.
I know you weren't into the whole Sissy Bounce thing.
And I get it.
But imagine a show about underground dance scenes all over the world.
[SIGHS.]
More dance? - Travel shows are tricky.
- No, Quinn.
This is so much more than just a travel show.
It's about the universality of the need for self-expression.
I mean, now, more than ever, when the world is so fractured, we need something that reminds us how much we all actually have in common.
[SIGHS.]
I mean, uh, I don't know.
Ugh.
I just think foreign cruise and And Alexi's gonna host it.
- Really? - Yeah.
He's He's He's so excited about it, Quinn.
Wow.
I mean, now, that that could be something.
- Yeah, Alexi has a huge following.
- I know.
His Calvin Klein campaign was effing massive.
So, just as we're premiering "Passport to Dance," we'll be getting free billboards all over Times Square.
[CHUCKLES.]
Look at you, thinking like an executive producer.
Finally, somebody is actually doing their job.
Yeah.
All right.
Let's make it happen.
- For real? - Yeah.
[CHUCKLES.]
[INHALES DEEPLY.]
Thank you, Quinn.
You're not gonna regret it.
- Okay.
- [SIGHS.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Ah, ow.
Right there.
See? Her? Just cut her out.
I know, Chet.
Just give me a second.
- That's amazing.
- Movie magic, dude.
Hey, Spence.
Chet Wilton.
Listen, I got some footage you might be interested in seeing.
Been thinking about you all night.
Uh, yeah.
You made that pretty damned clear.
I'm sorry.
Was that too much? I don't think anyone knows.
I mean, did anyone say anything? - Did Rachel? - Okay, you know what? We are done.
Yeah, you're right.
We are never doing this, ever again.
August! I mean it.
It's over.
Look, it never should have happened, and as far as I'm concerned, it never did.
Rachel.
I want you to know, coming to me was a very important step.
I want to help you figure out where this this darkness comes from.
I like you, Quinn.
Why is that so hard to believe? It's not.
It's just ridiculous, okay? If you want to stick around, you have to get your head back in the game with Serena.
Now, get the hell out.
[SIGHS.]
Look.
No.
It's not Quinn.
Okay? She's the only real person in my life.
Then what? Or who? [SIGHS.]
I can't.
This isn't going away, Rachel.
In the spark, we saw a world Of who we could become But then you shut it down And you walked away Before it had begun I will drink my trail of tears I will tell my tale of woe [LAUGHTER.]
- I will drawl now - [SIGHS.]
- I will walk somehow - [URINE TRICKLING.]
Then I'll come in, from the cold Aww.
No more waiting No more waiting No more childish games I will stand inside the fire I will swallow all the flames I will rage inside the fire I will end this paradox No more waiting