Alexa & Katie (2018) s03e04 Episode Script

1 [ALEXA.]
After months of practice driving, I was so excited about getting my license, I could barely contain myself.
Meanwhile, my mom was so over her job, she could barely contain her boredom.
Wow, Nico, th-that's the biggest thing that's ever happened to our company.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
[SCOFFS.]
Mom, please stop texting me pictures of cats in suits.
[CHUCKLING.]
But did you see the cat wearing a vest with the other cats on it? [LAUGHS.]
Oh, hey.
Finally, I'm so ready to get some practice driving in.
[PHONE CHIMES.]
Mom! Oh, it's Spencer.
Wait, how's he doing? He's good.
He wanted to wish me good luck on my driver's test.
Oh, you're gonna nail it.
To the wall, baby! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Hey, thanks for taking the girls driving.
- Of course.
Dave's been doing it for months.
It's my turn.
It'll be fun! It's gonna be a complete nightmare.
She's on a work call.
Let's ride, ladies.
Huh? [SNIFFS.]
[SNIFFS.]
Ugh! - I think you need to take a shower - [SHUSHES.]
Jack! Hey.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
He's in the zone.
We're not telling him how bad he smells.
What's "the zone"? Well, it's when you're so focused that, uh, you don't have time for distractions like cleanliness.
But the smell! That smell's gonna be a doctor.
Okay, fine, but I'm getting my sandwich.
He's eating my sandwich.
[SIGHS.]
Yeah, that's also a part of being in the zone.
- [DAVE CLEARS HIS THROAT.]
- Here, eat Barbara Banana.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SNIFFS.]
Whoa! Smelling great, son.
Proud of you.
[SIGHS.]
Ah, fruit doodles.
- Another boring conference call? - Yeah.
How was your trip? Good.
[EXHALES.]
But I found out Captain Lasky's retirement party is in the crummy airport break room.
She deserves better.
Well, why don't you throw the party? You could use the event planner we had for Alexa's Sweet 16.
Brian? Ugh.
I don't know about that guy.
We still have credit left over.
I love that guy.
[SIGHS.]
Lucas ate my banana.
Got anything else I can eat? Where's your mother? I'm never doing that again.
We only went one block, and I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
You're gonna do great on your test, sweetie! You know what? You've got this! Yeah, I totally got this! [CHUCKLES.]
- [GASPS.]
What is that smell? - We're in the zone.
- Oh my God! Ugh! [GROANS.]
- We're in the zone.
I've got you When I can't take it any longer You make me feel stronger I've got you When I can't take it You make it so much better We'll do this together Oh-oh-oh-oh we'll do this together I've got you Oh-oh-oh-oh We'll do this together Do I have something in my teeth? Mm-hmm.
Since second period.
Yeah.
Alexa, are you hearing this? Sorry, I was thinking about my driver's test.
Ugh, you have something in your teeth.
Yeah, I saw it on the bus ride in this morning.
I'm gonna get more tots.
You think I'll pass, right? Of course you're gonna pass! Oh, good.
Someone finally told Reagan about that thing in her teeth.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Jessica.
So I don't know what you're up to Friday, but I thought maybe we could go see a movie.
Are you asking me out? - Did she just ? - Shush.
I wanna see this play out.
I'm flattered, but I have a girlfriend.
Oh, you do? Who? Me.
Huh! I had no idea.
Wow.
How could anyone Anyone not know we're a couple? Right? Yeah! [CHUCKLES.]
I forgot you were a couple.
People, people ship us.
Yeah, we're We're Katie and Ryan! You know You know, hashtag Kryan! Oh, oh! You got ketchup on my shirt.
- Oh yeah.
I'm just gonna wash this off.
- Okay.
Yeah, he He loves it when I get When I get ketchup on stuff.
It's our thing, yeah.
That's your thing? Are you over Ryan? Because you're usually a much better actor than this.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
I guess it kind of has felt more like friends for the last three or four uh, months.
Months? Why are you still together? I don't wanna hurt his feelings.
'Cause he's He's really into me.
Hi, hi.
See? See that? She's so into me.
How can I break up with her? By breaking up with her.
You said you hadn't felt like a couple in months.
I know, but she's so sweet.
That's why every time I I try Later, uh, Katie bear.
Oh, for sure, Ryan dolphin.
I can't break her heart.
I'm her Ryan dolphin.
[MAKING CAR SOUNDS.]
Vrooom.
Ping! Nice! Nice! Okay, now I need you to parallel park.
[MAKING CAR SOUNDS.]
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
Oh, your wheels aren't facing the curb.
Because I'm not parked on a hill.
Oh, well done! Okay, one last thing.
Today is your day.
You are a driving machine.
You eat DMV officers for breakfast.
They crunch in my teeth.
Oh, what's this? Yeah, a break-up speech I've been working on.
Really? - Good for you.
- Thanks.
During English, I took Buzzfeed's "Has The Spark Died?" quiz, and my results were "Drop him, girlfriend".
"Ryan, you are super fun.
You're an amazing person and an even better boyfriend".
Okay, I'm not really getting a lot of break-up from this speech.
You're gonna do it? Jessica will be so happy.
Yeah, time to drop him, girlfriend.
Here's your chance.
Well, what if he gets so upset he flunks out and becomes one of those sign spinners outside a mattress store? You're not that special.
You are very special.
- Now go break up with Ryan.
- Okay.
Okay, phew.
Okay.
I'm doing this.
- It's tough.
When I broke up with Lucas - He broke up with you.
And he's never been the same! - I'm so proud of you.
- Don't be, no.
'Cause I I started to, and it turned into me inviting him over tonight.
Of course you did.
We're hanging out tonight.
Of course you are.
No, wait.
Wait, this is actually better.
I'll do it tonight.
I'll make him dinner.
Oh, something special.
Wait.
I can break up with her then.
It's way better than devastating her in front of everyone at school.
This way, he won't have his heart broken in front, you know, everyone at school.
Huh? Hm.
Hey! Mmm.
Poor Ryan.
You know, this is going to destroy him.
[CHUCKLES.]
Um.
[BLOWS KISS.]
Dude, take that out of your pocket.
- Phew! - Pow! [GRUNTS.]
[IMITATES BOUNCING AND KICKING SOUND.]
- Oh yeah! This is gonna get weird.
- It's already weird.
I know.
Looking good, huh? Yeah! And the gazebo ain't bad either.
[CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
So [CLEARS THROAT.]
what kind of wood are you using? Is this, like, uh, oak? Ma-Maple? Cedar.
It's sturdy, has natural oils, and you're stalling so you don't have to work.
Is it that obvious? You just asked me about wood.
Fine, back to work.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Oh! That's Brian! Time to plan a party.
I mean, for you to plan a party.
Uh, you meant the part about me looking good, right? [KATIE.]
Yeah.
Oh He's in the zone.
[SPRAY AEROSOL SOUND.]
Brian! Nice to see you.
Nice to see you as Hey, you! You know, I've been booked solid, but when I knew I was talking to Mr.
Lori Mendoza, I had to say yes.
[GIGGLES.]
Ugh, we would've thrown a beautiful Sweet 16 together.
Well, isn't there a saying about second chances? Is there? So, you said on the phone it's a retirement party for a coworker.
My mentor.
She's the best pilot I've ever flown with, so I'm thinking hot wings.
Get it? [CHUCKLES.]
What I get is your guests will be walking around with bones.
How about a forest mushroom crostini? - Oh yes! With the fontina fonduta! - Ah! Uh, I saw this thing where they made a bowl of bean dip look like a football field.
So what are you thinking for a color scheme? I was thinking viridian and pewter.
Oh, that sounds pewter-ful.
- Oh, a dad joke.
- [DAVE LAUGHING.]
I owe myself lunch.
[LAUGHS.]
Brian.
[LAUGHS.]
Isn't he funny, Dave? Is he? Time to ace my driver's test.
Ask me a question, any question.
Has mom been shrinking the clothes? I feel like you need me to say yes.
So I'll bring my swatches by later.
Oh, it's so nice working with someone with such good taste.
And you, Dave.
Mom, ready to get my license? Hi, Brian.
I'm going to get my license.
Uh, let me go grab my bag.
- Oh, we haven't talked desserts! - [GASPS.]
[LORI AND BRIAN.]
Chocolate mousse.
Uh! [CHUCKLES.]
All right, come on, Alexa, I'll take you to your driving test.
Uh, what do you think about my license picture outfit? I like the jacket.
Right, no jacket.
I have good ideas, right? I feel like you need me to say yes.
[HANDHELD VACUUM CLEANER SOUND.]
Hey, is Alexa back from her driver's test? [LORI.]
Uh-uh.
[MOUTH FULL.]
What driver's test? Don't worry about it, honey.
Lucas doesn't have to shower or pay attention? I wanna be a doctor.
Medical school's expensive.
You can be something else that doesn't shower.
[ALEXA.]
How could I have failed? It's so unfair.
They were supposed to crunch in my teeth.
- Aw.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
- [SIGHS.]
- Yeah, you'll get it next time.
- Yeah.
You're right, I'll get it next time.
I just need more practice.
Let's go, Dad.
Uh, Alexa, it's, uh It's time for a break.
Why would I need a break? You don't have to have your license tomorrow.
Seriously? If I can't practice what am I supposed to do? You could help with the gazebo.
Why are you making jokes right now? - I wasn't joking.
I could use the help.
- [LORI SIGHS.]
If I could put on my psychologist hat for a moment.
I think this is about more than her license.
For most kids, a driver's license means freedom, and with all that Alexa's been through, freedom means even more.
- I dunno - I don't think so.
Okay, but I was right about Jack's fear of raccoons, and I'm right about this.
Let's go, Jack.
Sorry, I brought up the raccoon, sweetheart.
You're fine.
Come on, let's go.
How could I have failed? Is it me? Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure that question is a trap, so I'm just gonna say, "You're so cute".
[GROANS.]
You know, I I'm gonna tell Ryan not to come over.
Yeah, we need to We need to talk through this whole driving thing.
Nice try.
It was worth a shot.
[SIGHS.]
Guess I'll go break Ryan's heart.
You guess? No, I I will! - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah I I Hey, I will break his heart, yeah.
With my With my hands, I'll break his heart.
Yeah! [PHONE RINGS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, how did it go? I failed.
I'm sorry.
How are you? I'll tell you in a second.
[BALLOON POPS.]
Better.
How are you? Mom, did you take my casserole out? - [MOUTH FULL.]
It just went off.
- [MOUTH FULL.]
Oh, hot.
That's hot.
No, no! That's my Ryan break-up casserole.
Oh, that's why he's coming over for dinner? I like Ryan.
But I also like this casserole.
Yeah I I Mom! I put all his favorite things in it to numb the pain.
Poor guy.
Oh no, no! [SIGHS.]
Uh, where are the light bulbs? At the store.
[SIGHS.]
I need to make this break-up as nice as possible.
Oh, which reminds me, when I say, "Ryan, you are so special to me", - Mom, that is your cue to say - Oh, no.
I did my high school break-ups.
I'll be upstairs taking a bath.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Oh! He's here.
That's my cue.
Okay.
- I'm gonna watch from the stairs.
- No.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Hey! Hey, uh, thanks for coming over.
- Thank you for inviting me.
- Yeah.
Thank you for being so prompt.
Thank you for noticing.
Oh, yeah, thank you for for you.
Oh, oh! So romantic.
No, it's not.
Mm-mm.
[ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS.]
That's also not romantic.
No, that's my That's my mom's bath time jazz.
[GIGGLES.]
[SPENCER.]
Just think of your next driving test as the sequel: Alexa's Revenge: The Revengening.
[LAUGHS.]
I like that.
I sound dangerous.
Uh, isn't that what your instructor said? I don't like how you remember things I say.
You'll take the test again and you'll do great.
Yeah, someday.
My parents are making me take a break from driving.
Just wish they understood.
I'm still trying to get my mom to understand that when I say I'm good that I'll still be good ten minutes later - [SPENCER'S MOM.]
You okay, Spencer? - [ALEXA LAUGHS OVER THE PHONE.]
Still good, Mom.
[ALEXA LAUGHS OVER THE PHONE.]
[LAUGHS.]
Yeah, they checked on me all the time, too.
They worry about what I'm doing and why I'm doing what I'm doing.
And if you should be doing what you're doing.
It's like somehow getting sick also means losing your freedom.
Yeah.
Maybe that's why you want your license so much.
Yeah, you're right.
When I was sick, it was all about what I couldn't do.
And this is about what you can do.
[SPENCER'S MOM.]
Spencer, honey, are you warm enough? I am good.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm actually a little cold, but she can never know.
[LAUGHS.]
So after the leftover credit, here is what you owe.
- So that's the price per canapé? - Mm-hmm.
And canapé with a check? Stop it.
[SIGHS.]
I can't believe we're done planning already.
[GIGGLES.]
[PHONE DINGS.]
[SIGHS.]
Ugh, work text.
Is it wrong that I wanna send them pictures of cats wearing tuxedos? [CHUCKLES.]
Ah, I should get going.
My assistant quit and with the holidays coming up, I'm swamped.
What a terrible assistant.
Yeah.
She's my least favorite sister.
You know, you should work for Brian.
That is an amazing idea! [SCOFFS.]
Finally! Oh! I'm flattered, but I already have a job.
Well, my loss.
Still a good idea.
You said "amazing".
I did.
If you want we can make it work.
Well, it'd mean a lot less money.
- [SIGHS.]
- I just want you to be happy.
And to stop texting pictures of cats.
I wanna be happy.
And I wanna stop texting pictures of cats.
I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna take this job.
I'm proud of you.
I know you guys think I should take a break from driving, but I can't.
For so long I couldn't do this and I couldn't do that, so not getting to do this just feels like more of not getting to do what I wanna be doing.
- Okay.
- We get it.
Really? Really.
Thank you.
You know, I could go for an ice cream sundae if only I had someone to drive me.
A sundae? Let's go nuts.
[CHUCKLES.]
Aw! A dad joke.
[SIGHS.]
She gets that from me.
[ROMANTIC JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS.]
[NERVOUS CHUCKLING.]
Two kinds of potato chips.
I wish you hadn't gone through the trouble.
Don't.
No, no, it's just two different brands of plain chips.
Oh! Ryan, um [CLEARS THROAT.]
I have to tell you something.
That shirt looks really good on your body.
Katie [NERVOUS CHUCKLING.]
you're an amazing person.
Don't, no! I'm not.
No, I'm really quite average.
- So - Don't say that.
- No, you're wonderful.
- No, but I'm I'm not! No, I'm forgettable.
Yeah, comple completely forgettable.
Don't sell yourself short! 'Cause 'Cause if you were forgettable, would I be asking you to junior prom? Oh, what? I'm asking you to junior prom.
Mm.
Uh - So that's a yes? - Uh-huh.
[LOUD CRASHING SOUND.]
[ALEXA.]
That was crazy.
I barely tapped that tree.
[SIGHS.]
I'm just glad nobody got My gazebo! - What happened? - Uh-oh.
Well, um, you know, everybody's fine, right? Is that my robe? No, it's mine.
I'm sorry, Dad.
This is why you need to get in all the practice you can.
Are you sure? How else are you gonna get better and not destroy gazebos? Uh, dude, you You smell terrible! That's me? [SNIFFS.]
Woah! Huh! I'm gonna go shower.
- Please! - Yes! I'm gonna make sure he doesn't use the good towels.
This is crazy.
First, Katie breaks up with you, then the gazebo gets crashed, and now Lucas is showering.
I'm sorry.
What was the first thing you said? Um This is crazy.
You wanna break up? [SCOFFS.]
What? Yes.
I wanna break up, too! I just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Wait, I didn't want to hurt your feelings! So we're not going to junior prom? - Not together.
- Oh, great.
[BOTH SIGH.]
- I'll see you at school tomorrow.
Yep.
- You bet.
I demolished the gazebo.
Which brought us outside where Jack blurted I wanted to break up with Ryan, which made Ryan say he wanted to break up, too.
[CHUCKLES, SQUEALS.]
Then that was my plan all along.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah! Oh, genius! I know it looks bad, but I bet we can have the gazebo back up in no time.
"We"? Yeah.
You want an assistant? [SCOFFS.]
You bet.
- Let's start tomorrow.
- Okay.
[CRASHING SOUND.]
I'm sure it's fine.