Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) s03e04 Episode Script

1 - Oh, oh! - [splattering.]
- [shrieking, chomping.]
- [screaming.]
Everybody's favorite skanky demon Ruby is back, and she's yanking Brandy's chain.
- [sobbing.]
Let me go.
- We need to kill her.
Now.
We need a Kandarian dagger.
Guys, I found it! I think we need to get out of here right now.
- Run! - [yelling, gunshot.]
Dalton! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was Pablo.
- Pablo did this to you? - [growling, engine revving.]
- [smashing.]
- [grunts.]
What the hell are you doing in my house, creep-o? Enjoying the company of the granddaughter I never knew I had.
- [buzzing.]
- [wailing.]
Ah! I wish you were the one that was dead.
I didn't even kill him, because he's already dead! [door slamming.]
[chainsaw buzzing.]
[splattering.]
- [sighing.]
- [electricity buzzing.]
- Oh! - [whirring weakly.]
Come on.
Come on.
Let go.
Pablo, you and those cheap imported parts! - [can clattering.]
- [sighing.]
Jesus.
[head squishing.]
Nice try, Ruby.
You think I'm stupid? You think I don't know my own father when I see him? MAN'S VOICE: Poor Ashley.
Life just keeps serving up the shit sandwichs.
[eerie choral music.]
Uh, speak of the devil.
What are you doing here, Pop? I don't know.
Something disturbed my grave, pulled me back.
I always wanted to be a ghost.
Well, it's nice to see you.
Even though I'm looking through you.
[chuckling.]
Cool, huh? Whoa! What the hell is this? Ah, it's pretty convoluted.
Ruby was using you to make me look bad in front of my daughter.
Well, it looks like she succeeded.
[whispering.]
Yeah.
Oh, hold on there, did you say daughter? Yeah.
I just found out a few days ago.
Her name is Brandy.
- Well, look at you.
My boy's a father.
- [scoffs.]
H-Hell, that makes me a grandfather.
Damn, you miss so much when you're dead.
[stammering.]
What's she like? - Stubborn as shit - [flesh squishing.]
and she hates my guts.
Well, she's smart.
I like her already.
Where is she? I don't know.
She freaked out when she saw this.
- [blood sloshing.]
- Called me a monster.
Look, fatherhood ain't easy.
Lord knows, I learned the hard way.
Uh, Ash, you remember the night I died? There's something I've kept from you.
What is it, Pop? Something so vital, that the fabric of your life may begin [smashing.]
[horn honking, tires screeching.]
How could I forget, cost me 300 bucks to get the fender pounded out.
You spent more on that damn fender than you did on my funeral, cheapskate.
That's not true ish.
Well, it's still a shit way to go.
Anyway, this is way bigger than your fender.
Okay, so tell me.
Oh, no.
I'm not going to tell you.
I want to show you.
[engine rumbling.]
[engine stops.]
Ash, Pablo is dick deep in trouble Oh, shit.
Ash? [sighs.]
Fuck.
Anybody home? [floorboard creaking.]
If you're a Deadite, I'm in no fucking mood.
- [loud creaking.]
- [gasping.]
Ah! Brandy.
I forgot my phone.
But you're okay? Okay? Ash just sliced open some guy I thought was my grandfather with a chainsaw.
I'm so far from okay, I don't even know what okay is.
Makes high school seem a lot less awful, am I right? Okay, where's Ash? I don't know.
And no offense, but I've had enough of my delusional old man, and his muchachos.
I'm getting my shit, and I'm getting out of here.
Hold up, Daria.
Okay? Bodies are dropping left and right, some of them friends of mine, and since this has something to do with you, I need you to stay close.
How do you even deal with him? I mean, I don't really have a choice, because he's my father, but you Ash may be a perverted drunk with racist tendencies, but he has his moments.
[rock ballad playing over stereo.]
Evil killed my parents, too.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, well, I passed go on that horror show a long time ago.
Ash is probably at the hardware store, right? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - [engine revving.]
- [both screaming.]
- [shattering.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [evil laughter.]
- Pablo! - Whoo! - Pablo! [in demonic voice.]
You're up way past your bedtime! Brandy, run! - [muffled.]
Uh, I can't! - Hold on! - [yelling.]
- [tires screeching.]
- [smashing.]
- [Kelly grunting.]
- [growling.]
- [clattering.]
Young virgin meat! - [snarling.]
- [grunting.]
- [chomping.]
- [both screaming.]
- Fuck! - [flesh ripping.]
- [wailing.]
- So moist - and soft! - I'm all out of love - [grunting, screaming.]
- What am I without you Brandy! I can't be too late - I know I was so wrong - [smashing.]
I'm all out of love - Shit! - [both yelling.]
- Come on! Ah! - [tires screeching.]
- [wailing.]
- [engine sputtering.]
KELLY: Where is he? [panting.]
Where did he go? Shit.
Where's the dagger? It fell.
I [grunts.]
Got it.
- [banging.]
- [both screaming.]
Go to the trailer! - Run! - Where you going?! Run! Run! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! - [smashing, clattering.]
- [shrieking.]
That was just the appetizer! I'm ready for the main course! - [grunting.]
- [pounding.]
What the hell happened to him? It's not his fault.
Evil fucked him, like it fucked everything.
- Ah! - [clattering, both gasping.]
He's going to get in! Maybe, but not through the windows.
Ash upgraded this piece of shit with bulletproof glass.
- [gasping.]
- [evil laughter.]
I can bang, bang, bang, all night long! Shit! I left my cell in the truck.
- Give me yours.
- Mine's dead.
Ah! - [loud smashing.]
- [both gasping.]
If you don't let me in, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow this fucking trailer apart! - [clattering.]
- What are we supposed to do? Just wait until Ash comes back and saves us? I don't think that's a plan.
["Christmas Time Is Here" instrumental music playing.]
Okay, what's with the snow? And why is it daylight all of a sudden? - What? Did I pass out? - No you didn't pass out.
Well, what happened to all my Ashy Slashy stuff? Uh, this is the past.
Look, I'm showing you a memory.
My memory.
Come on.
[air whooshing.]
[banging.]
Ah! Wow.
Talk about "two steps back.
" Haven't you seen "It's a Wonderful Life"? Where an angel shows a guy his old life, so he can learn from the past.
Are you a ghost, or an angel? What the hell difference does it make? The point is, I'm tryin' to show you something.
Now just watch.
- Whoa.
- Ho, ho, ho, ho! - [chuckling.]
- Double vision.
When was this? Mm, 2012.
- [wind howling.]
- [door slamming.]
Mr.
Williams? Brock Williams? If this is about my mortgage, the check's in the mail.
- No.
I'm here - Water? - Electric? - No, I just want to know, is Ashley Joanna Williams your son? Oh, hell.
ASH: Thanks for that name, by the way.
- That name gave you thick skin.
- [inaudible speaking.]
Yeah, thick from all the playground beatings.
What are you crying about? It did you good.
Look at you now.
Um, I guess.
GARY: and believe me, I wouldn't be here if it weren't a matter of life and death.
- Uh - Your son is in grave danger, targeted by an evil that threatens to An "evil?" Get lost, ding-dong.
I'm trying to sell hardware here.
Way to warn me.
Uh, for all I know, he could've been a porn salesman.
You need to see this.
These pages were torn from a book of evil known as the Necronomicon.
Centuries ago, my ancestors fought and died, to keep this away from the forces of darkness.
Son of a bitch.
The guy's got the lost pages.
You mean that "book" crap was for real? - Ding-dong.
- BROCK: Uh, hold on.
Uh, who did you say you were with? We call ourselves the Knights of Sumeria.
The who with the huh? [laughing.]
That's exactly what I said! - GARY: I know how this sounds - Wait a second.
I think Kelly is bonking one of those guys.
but I believe a Dark One has taken human form to walk the Earth, searching for the Book.
If the demon finds it, it's a sign that the end of times are near.
Dark One? He's talking about Ruby.
- Who? - Sasquatch.
Oh, Ruby.
GARY: But these pages also hold the secret to destroying this evil, and your son is the key.
I have to find him before it's too late.
Well, you listen up, boy.
My son babbled on about "evil" just like you.
It ruined his life.
It ruined my family's life.
Now Ashley may have turned and run when he should have stayed and fought, but I'm sure as shit not siccing some nut bag preaching evil mumbo jumbo on him.
I got to talk to that guy! You can't.
It's-it's a memory.
But I'm not leaving until you tell me how I can find your son.
The fate of humanity hangs in the balance.
Look, I'm fetching some supplies from downstairs.
You got a cellar here? You better be gone when I come back, or I'm going to let you have some of Ike & Tina Turner's Greatest Hits.
Mr.
Williams, I'm begging you.
Yeah? Well, now you can do it in High C! - [groaning, yelling.]
- Ooh! [clattering echoing.]
Hey, dipshit.
You okay down there? BOTH: Oh, boy.
ASH: Holy shit, he looks dead.
Is he dead? Why am I asking you? [wincing.]
- [crickets chirping.]
- It's quiet.
- Maybe he [gasping.]
- [roaring.]
Let me in! I just want to play! The one time I actually need my dad, and he's probably out on a beer run.
Kelly, come on! It's me! Your powerful vagina.
Yeah, right now you're my powerful pain in the ass! Check for something to hold him down.
There's got to be duct tape, maybe some rope How about guns and knives? No! That is Pablo out there.
I don't want to kill him, I want to help him.
You find anything? There's nothing but nasty old man shit.
God, I can't believe I share DNA with that dipshit.
Okay, you know what? Time out for real talk.
I know it seems like Ash ruined your life.
- [snarling.]
Kel.
- Okay, maybe he has a little bit, but, everything he's done since he knew you existed was to protect you.
That include publicly accusing my counselor of being a demon? Yes, Brandy, because your counselor is a demon.
- Her name is Ruby, and - Oh, my God! Not you too! You know what? You're as stubborn as your old ma - Ow! Ow! - [flesh squishing.]
Fucking Pablo couldn't be a vegan! Sit.
I'll-I'll find something to bandage that.
Damn it.
Mm! - [Kelly groaning.]
- [banging outside.]
Kelly! So you guys are close, huh? Beyond close.
Pablo and I are bound by blood.
- What, like in a family way? - No.
In the axing demons, and getting covered in guts way.
That's messed up.
But Brandy, I saw Ash's picture in that stupid Book.
A demon called him "the Savior.
" Hold on, you don't actually think that Ash is Is our only hope in the fight against evil? Hard to believe sometimes, but yeah.
- [roaring.]
- [shattering.]
- Ah! - Oh, Kelly [pounding.]
open up! I'm still hungry! We're totally fucked.
Yeah, in Ash's orbit, that's called "Tuesday.
" [pounding.]
That was your big secret? [imitating Brock.]
"Something so vital, "the fabric of your life may unravel?" - Yeah - That guy was my only hope to end this frigging nightmare, Pop! And you killed him! Why is that good? I wanted you see I was trying to look out for you, son, even when you thought I wasn't.
Damn it, you were supposed to get all warm and mushy.
What? You just left?! Um, with a corpse in the cellar? You're damn straight.
Business was shit anyway.
He took his tumble, I locked the doors.
Got the hell out of here, and never looked back.
Okay, so the dead guy, and those missing pages - are still down there? - [stammering.]
Wow, okay, get me out of this memory.
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [person chuckling.]
- [splintering.]
- [door creaking.]
Where the hell is he? Don't look at me.
Time to clean up another mess.
- [action music playing.]
- [buzzing.]
Scared are we? I've had a little experience with dead bodies in cellars, Dad.
- [eerie music playing.]
- [creaking.]
[clicking.]
Dad, you coming? [shuddering.]
Don't do that! [rattling.]
[rattling continues.]
[dramatic choral music.]
- [clicking.]
- [metallic jingling.]
Hello.
God forbid the furnace guy shows up.
That bastard ate my Spam.
That was my civil defense stash.
The guy ate it because somebody locked him in the cellar, Dad.
He was trying to survive.
Oh.
Not my fault.
He's the one who took the header.
Pull the chain, dummy.
[eerie music continues.]
Good luck washing that off.
Good old Necronomicon.
Same type of writing.
- [water dripping.]
- [mysterious breathing.]
Maybe this guy was trying to piece something together.
Something he found in these pages.
[thunder rumbling.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [wind howling.]
Well, Pablo has this weird writing all over him.
Maybe he can decipher it.
- [flames crackling.]
- [faint screaming, shrieking.]
WOMAN'S VOICE: Oh, no! - [growling.]
- What do you see? - [screaming.]
- Ooh! Oh! Help! Whoa, that little hottie looks familiar.
- [echoing.]
- [crying.]
Oh, no! Oh, no! Wait a second.
That's Brandy's musician friend, from school.
[screaming, shrieking continues.]
- [suspenseful music playing.]
- [lightning crashing.]
The hell is happening in there? Oh, no! [screaming.]
Oh! - [grunting.]
- [splattering.]
Shit! Pop! A little help! I'm coming, son! [both grunting.]
I'm a ghost, dumbass, I got nothing! - [yelling, grunting.]
- [slamming.]
[grunting continues.]
- [screaming.]
- [cracking sound.]
Ahh! Ooh, ooh! My hammy! - [Ash yelling.]
- [tendrils shrieking.]
- [slamming.]
- [grunting.]
- [slapping.]
- [wailing.]
- [bell rings.]
- [air whooshing.]
- [grunting.]
- [buzzing.]
- [laughing maniacally.]
- [banging.]
[groaning.]
[grunting.]
[panting.]
Whoa, that looked like it hurt.
Did I mention I hate cellars? This is just great.
Evil is harassing my daughter, my father's a ghost, and I got this crazy shit in my cellar! It's time to man up, son.
You got that right.
I'm going to track down this so-called Ms.
Prevett, and deal with Ruby once and for all.
"Prevett?" I used to go bowling with a cutie by that name.
She had that place out on Old Mill Road.
You know if Ruby's using Prevett's name, maybe she's camping out there.
- [air whooshing.]
- Uh-oh.
I think my time is up.
You make sure you tell that Brandy all about me.
Just the good stuff, though.
I will, Pop.
Son you're gonna be a great father.
You really mean that? No.
[laughs.]
[sighing.]
[thunder rumbling.]
[in ghostly voice.]
Ruby.
Kaya? Is that you? The portal to the netherworld has been established.
It's only a matter of time before the Dark Ones will break free.
Well, we got to find it, and destroy it before they have a chance to escape.
The Knights must be the ones responsible for the rift.
Those numbskulls are still around? One of them has made contact with the Prophesied One.
The Prophecy's begun.
How can I find this knight? Where was the Book first unleashed in these times? [whispering.]
The cabin.
Let me help you.
If the Dark Ones learn I've been talking to you, they will swallow my soul.
You owe me this.
Free me, and I'll stand with you again.
I'll free you when I find a suitable host.
And once the Prophesied One is killed at the hands of his own offspring, we'll have so much power the Dark Ones won't be able to stop us.
- [thunder rumbling.]
- [Kelly yelling.]
Help! Fuck! See what drugs you can find, like some pain killers, whatever.
DEMON PABLO: Kelly - Kelly - Oh, fuck.
He got in.
How did he get in? - Shh! - Kelly? [whispering.]
Hold on.
Kelly [both breathing heavily.]
[muffled voice.]
Oh, Kelly [grunting.]
Kelly - [suspenseful music playing.]
- [groaning.]
Holy fuck face! Come here, Kelly.
Give me a kiss! - [yelling.]
- [roaring.]
[roaring.]
[Demon Dalton snarling.]
- [groaning.]
- Yeah, yeah.
Betrayer! - [chanting in Sumerian.]
- [bones cracking.]
- [continues chanting.]
- [cracking continues.]
- Hey.
- [gasping.]
You with me, Knight boy? What did you do? Pushed away the evil, just for a bit.
We need to talk.
You're Ruby the Dark One from the legend.
And you're the descendent of those knucklehead Knights.
It's a pity, I thought I'd killed you all.
[growling.]
You thought wrong, witch.
How many more of your delusional morons are out there? Enough to kill you and send you straight to hell.
- [slamming.]
- [wailing.]
Wrong response.
For the record, hell is not my turf.
- Where's the rift? - The what? The rift you opened with the lost pages.
Where is it? Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you.
But I'll tell you this.
We found the Kandarian dagger.
And the ones who have it, know all about you.
- [branch twisting.]
- [groaning.]
Who's got it? I want names.
[twisting, groaning continue.]
- [wailing.]
- [spraying.]
Lovely.
You know what, I'm just going to wait for evil to take you back, and then you're going to tell me anything I want to know.
- [gunshot.]
- [splattering.]
Shit! - [dramatic music playing.]
- [engine rumbling.]
[thunder rumbling.]
[glass shattering.]
Okay, Ruby it's just you and me.
Come on out.
I got sandwiches, and a nice buttery Chardonnay.
Ruby! [voice echoing.]
[buzzing.]
All right.
Lucky her.
Oh.
The real Mrs.
Prevett, I presume.
[sound of bowling pins clattering.]
WOMAN [softly singing.]
: Byssan Lull [singing continues from upstairs.]
[woman continues singing Swedish lullaby.]
[lock rattling.]
[creaking.]
[stairs creaking.]
[creaking.]
[light switch clicking.]
Ooh! Excuse me, um looking for a lady named Ruby [gasps.]
Shh.
[child cooing.]
[floorboards creaking.]
It's just a kid sucking his thumb.
Not his thumb.
Okay, that's a choking hazard.
[metallic jingling.]
[rattling.]
[mouthing words.]
- [chainsaw rumbles.]
- [gasping.]
Shh! [screaming quietly.]
[snaps fingers.]
- [clicking, whirring.]
- [continues mouthing words.]
[popping sound.]
- [squeaking loudly.]
- [chuckling.]
[mouthing words.]
- Byssan lull - [squeaking continues.]
Koka - [electricity zapping.]
- [gasping.]
Crap.
[whirring weakly.]
My hand's stuck.
I can't get it off.
- [child crying softly.]
- [mouthing words.]
- [grunting.]
- [metallic clanging.]
[faint sputtering, hissing.]
- [spraying.]
- [both groaning.]
Hey.
[growling, babbling.]
[giggling.]
- [screaming.]
- Hey, hey, large foreign person.
Easy, relax.
I've dealt with kids like this before.
[high-pitched shrieking.]
[electricity zapping, shattering.]
ASH: What's "Norway" for "up shit's creek?" Ah, you said a bad word I'm gonna tell your mama on you, huh! She gonna whip you too, huh! Yeah, that's what she gonna do Get down with your bad self! Talking that bad talk Saying them bad words Oh You said a bad word, you'd better take it back 'Cause good little girls don't talk like that And if I told your mama what you said She'd make you come in the house And go to bed But now, wait a minute We can make a deal If you do what I tell you, I won't tell your mama on you [chuckling.]
Let me whisper in your ear I don't want everybody listening to our business Come here Are you gonna do it? Hm, hm, hm, hm? Are you gonna do it?