Batman s03e04 Episode Script
Baby-Doll
- Night, Brian.
- See you tomorrow.
Hey, what's the matter? Are you lost, honey? My big brother went away and left me by my lonesomes.
Big brothers aren't supposed to do that to their baby sisters.
Here.
Dry your eyes, and I'll help you find a policeman.
- He'll get you home safe and sound.
- You're so nice to me.
But then, you always was the nicest one, Tippy.
You! But how? Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy.
I didn't mean to.
Gotham Insider asks: "Where are they now?" When her sitcom, Love That Baby, premiered 20 years ago little Mary Louise Dahl became an overnight sensation.
As the adorable Baby-Doll, young Mary quickly captured the hearts of millions.
Well, Baby, you'd better have a pretty good explanation for this.
I didn't mean to.
I remember this show from when I was a kid.
It still stinks.
Be that as it may, three of the cast's original actors disappeared last week.
And these two? Ms.
Vance is in a show at Gotham Rep.
I have police bodyguards following her.
But that other one, Mary Dahl, dropped out of sight years ago.
Ironically, the thing that brought her fame turned her into a recluse.
I read about her in a medical journal.
She was born with systemic hypoplasia, a rare condition that kept her from aging.
Would you believe she was 20 years old in that clip? She'd be about 30 now.
Someone has a vendetta against these actors.
- We'll study this and call you back if we - All units, all units! Gunfire reported at Gotham Rep.
They're making a try for Vance.
Stay down! Let me go.
Why are you doing this? - Quiet! - The lady asked you a question, creep.
How about an answer.
Hey! Robin! No.
Help! - They're getting away.
- We'll get them.
No! Mommy! - What's going on? - Is she okay? I lost my mommy! It's okay.
Oh, my baby.
Mommy! Naughty, naughty baby.
Haven't I told you not to run off? I didn't mean to.
Hold it.
Naughty Mr.
Batmans.
You play too rough.
I got them.
It's me, dope.
Where am I? It can't be.
Tod, June, Brian? - Tammy.
She got you too.
- Is this some sort of bad joke? What are we doing on the old set? And in these clothes? Welcome home, sister Suzy.
I've missed you so.
Mr.
Happy-Head says he missed you too.
Mary? Mary Dahl? Is this a joke? No, sillies.
I'm Baby, remember? It's Suzy and Tippy and Mumsy and Daddy and Baby together again forevers and evers.
I don't care what Mayor Hill says.
The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us I'll call you back, Marv.
Since when are you interested in has-been actors? Since that one's been kidnapping her costars.
- You're serious? - She's been picking them off, one by one.
- Any reason she'd have a grudge? - Actually, they should hate her.
Dahl put them out of work when she quit the series to become a dramatic actress.
What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still.
All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
- P-yew.
- That's what the critics said.
Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried TV again networks turned her down.
That doesn't explain why she's after her old cast.
Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes.
You can borrow them if you want.
And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive interview.
Isn't this the bestest? Having breakfast, just like old times.
- Oh, it's swell, Baby.
- Great.
Here comes Buster, begging for scraps.
Bad boy, Buster.
Go away.
Hey, guess what's today.
Anybody know? Oh, come on.
Guess.
It's my birthsday! Yay, yay for me! You mean you had us brought here just so you could throw yourself a surprise party? That's it.
I always knew you were a selfish little brat.
Always throwing your temper tantrums and making life miserable for the rest of us.
Well, this time you've gone too far.
Expect a call from my lawyer.
- Tod! - Isn't Mariams a treasure? I couldn't gets through the day without hers.
Naughty, naughty, Daddys.
Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats.
You're not my daughter.
And we're not a family.
We're actors, remember? You canceled our show because you whined you weren't getting attention.
But I knows now I made a boo-boo.
It was hard for me out there.
I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me.
Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me and the folks at home watching me each week.
Me.
Baby-Doll.
Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains.
Hugs, hugs! Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines with the really sharp thorns? - Yes.
- This is worse.
I did learn one thing, though.
Baby hasn't gotten every member of her cast.
In the last season, the show's ratings began to drop so the producers introduced a new character.
Baby's little cousin Spunky.
According to these, Dahl was furious she was upstaged on her birthday episode and walked off the series.
So why hasn't she gone after cousin Spunky? Maybe she's waiting for the right occasion.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
My baby was taking a nap, and your music woke her up.
Hey, I have to practice, you know? You're still a stinky jerk-face, Spunky.
Wake up, sleepyheads.
It's time for my birthday party.
Yay! We're gonna have so much funs.
- Ready when you are, Miss Dahl.
- Goodys! You all remembers what happened the last time I had a birthsday.
Poopy old Spunkys pushed my head in the cake.
Everybody laughed and laughed.
Well, I'm laughing now.
What are you mad at me for? It wasn't anything personal.
We were just playing characters in a TV show.
It was real to me.
Everybody loved Baby-Doll until you came along.
You made them forget me.
Now Baby's gonna get evens.
- No, don't.
Stop her.
- Help! Wait! It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Blow out the candle, Spunky.
Bet your wish doesn't come trues.
Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Mr.
Happy-Head says you're really gonna get it nows.
Thanks, partner.
Anytime.
No fairs.
No fairs.
He wasn't Spunky at alls.
I told Spunky what you were up to.
We switched places.
Batman rigged me with a transmitter that led him here.
Oh, aren't you Mr.
Smarty-Heads.
Mariam! Wow, lady, you're good.
It's a living.
Get the hostages out.
I'll go after Dahl.
Right.
Hang on, folks.
I'll have you back to reality in a second.
Watch it, kid.
- It's Batman.
- Cool.
Hey, Batman, down here.
Hey, do you see what I see? - Look at those people Batman! - It's Batman.
- Look.
- Wow, it's Come on.
Silly Mr.
Batmans can't catch me.
Don't run away.
I know you're scared, confused.
- I can help you.
- Liar, liar, cape on fire.
Nows we're playing by my rules.
Game's overs, Mr.
Batman.
I wins.
No fair.
Look.
That's me in there.
The real me.
There I am.
But it's not really real, is it? Just made up and pretend like my family and my life and everything else.
Why couldn't you just let me make-believe? I didn't mean to.
- See you tomorrow.
Hey, what's the matter? Are you lost, honey? My big brother went away and left me by my lonesomes.
Big brothers aren't supposed to do that to their baby sisters.
Here.
Dry your eyes, and I'll help you find a policeman.
- He'll get you home safe and sound.
- You're so nice to me.
But then, you always was the nicest one, Tippy.
You! But how? Sorry I had to play roughs, Tippy.
I didn't mean to.
Gotham Insider asks: "Where are they now?" When her sitcom, Love That Baby, premiered 20 years ago little Mary Louise Dahl became an overnight sensation.
As the adorable Baby-Doll, young Mary quickly captured the hearts of millions.
Well, Baby, you'd better have a pretty good explanation for this.
I didn't mean to.
I remember this show from when I was a kid.
It still stinks.
Be that as it may, three of the cast's original actors disappeared last week.
And these two? Ms.
Vance is in a show at Gotham Rep.
I have police bodyguards following her.
But that other one, Mary Dahl, dropped out of sight years ago.
Ironically, the thing that brought her fame turned her into a recluse.
I read about her in a medical journal.
She was born with systemic hypoplasia, a rare condition that kept her from aging.
Would you believe she was 20 years old in that clip? She'd be about 30 now.
Someone has a vendetta against these actors.
- We'll study this and call you back if we - All units, all units! Gunfire reported at Gotham Rep.
They're making a try for Vance.
Stay down! Let me go.
Why are you doing this? - Quiet! - The lady asked you a question, creep.
How about an answer.
Hey! Robin! No.
Help! - They're getting away.
- We'll get them.
No! Mommy! - What's going on? - Is she okay? I lost my mommy! It's okay.
Oh, my baby.
Mommy! Naughty, naughty baby.
Haven't I told you not to run off? I didn't mean to.
Hold it.
Naughty Mr.
Batmans.
You play too rough.
I got them.
It's me, dope.
Where am I? It can't be.
Tod, June, Brian? - Tammy.
She got you too.
- Is this some sort of bad joke? What are we doing on the old set? And in these clothes? Welcome home, sister Suzy.
I've missed you so.
Mr.
Happy-Head says he missed you too.
Mary? Mary Dahl? Is this a joke? No, sillies.
I'm Baby, remember? It's Suzy and Tippy and Mumsy and Daddy and Baby together again forevers and evers.
I don't care what Mayor Hill says.
The people have a right to know, and if he won't talk to us I'll call you back, Marv.
Since when are you interested in has-been actors? Since that one's been kidnapping her costars.
- You're serious? - She's been picking them off, one by one.
- Any reason she'd have a grudge? - Actually, they should hate her.
Dahl put them out of work when she quit the series to become a dramatic actress.
What, will these hands never be clean? Here's the smell of the blood still.
All the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand.
- P-yew.
- That's what the critics said.
Baby's dramatic career flopped, and when she tried TV again networks turned her down.
That doesn't explain why she's after her old cast.
Maybe there's a clue in these old episodes.
You can borrow them if you want.
And when you crack the case, you can pay me back with an exclusive interview.
Isn't this the bestest? Having breakfast, just like old times.
- Oh, it's swell, Baby.
- Great.
Here comes Buster, begging for scraps.
Bad boy, Buster.
Go away.
Hey, guess what's today.
Anybody know? Oh, come on.
Guess.
It's my birthsday! Yay, yay for me! You mean you had us brought here just so you could throw yourself a surprise party? That's it.
I always knew you were a selfish little brat.
Always throwing your temper tantrums and making life miserable for the rest of us.
Well, this time you've gone too far.
Expect a call from my lawyer.
- Tod! - Isn't Mariams a treasure? I couldn't gets through the day without hers.
Naughty, naughty, Daddys.
Mustn't yell at your Baby like thats.
You're not my daughter.
And we're not a family.
We're actors, remember? You canceled our show because you whined you weren't getting attention.
But I knows now I made a boo-boo.
It was hard for me out there.
I studied and trained and auditioned, but no one wanted me.
Over the years, I remembered how happy I was with all of you around me and the folks at home watching me each week.
Me.
Baby-Doll.
Now I'm Baby for good, and everyone will love me agains.
Hugs, hugs! Remember that time Poison Ivy nearly smothered us in those vines with the really sharp thorns? - Yes.
- This is worse.
I did learn one thing, though.
Baby hasn't gotten every member of her cast.
In the last season, the show's ratings began to drop so the producers introduced a new character.
Baby's little cousin Spunky.
According to these, Dahl was furious she was upstaged on her birthday episode and walked off the series.
So why hasn't she gone after cousin Spunky? Maybe she's waiting for the right occasion.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
My baby was taking a nap, and your music woke her up.
Hey, I have to practice, you know? You're still a stinky jerk-face, Spunky.
Wake up, sleepyheads.
It's time for my birthday party.
Yay! We're gonna have so much funs.
- Ready when you are, Miss Dahl.
- Goodys! You all remembers what happened the last time I had a birthsday.
Poopy old Spunkys pushed my head in the cake.
Everybody laughed and laughed.
Well, I'm laughing now.
What are you mad at me for? It wasn't anything personal.
We were just playing characters in a TV show.
It was real to me.
Everybody loved Baby-Doll until you came along.
You made them forget me.
Now Baby's gonna get evens.
- No, don't.
Stop her.
- Help! Wait! It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
Blow out the candle, Spunky.
Bet your wish doesn't come trues.
Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! Mr.
Happy-Head says you're really gonna get it nows.
Thanks, partner.
Anytime.
No fairs.
No fairs.
He wasn't Spunky at alls.
I told Spunky what you were up to.
We switched places.
Batman rigged me with a transmitter that led him here.
Oh, aren't you Mr.
Smarty-Heads.
Mariam! Wow, lady, you're good.
It's a living.
Get the hostages out.
I'll go after Dahl.
Right.
Hang on, folks.
I'll have you back to reality in a second.
Watch it, kid.
- It's Batman.
- Cool.
Hey, Batman, down here.
Hey, do you see what I see? - Look at those people Batman! - It's Batman.
- Look.
- Wow, it's Come on.
Silly Mr.
Batmans can't catch me.
Don't run away.
I know you're scared, confused.
- I can help you.
- Liar, liar, cape on fire.
Nows we're playing by my rules.
Game's overs, Mr.
Batman.
I wins.
No fair.
Look.
That's me in there.
The real me.
There I am.
But it's not really real, is it? Just made up and pretend like my family and my life and everything else.
Why couldn't you just let me make-believe? I didn't mean to.