Being Human (UK) s03e04 Episode Script
The Pack
- Is this yours? - I'm pregnant, George.
How messed up are we, when my story can be seen as inspirational? You're going to be killed by a werewolf.
A wolf-shaped bullet.
Bang! - Would you like to have a baby? - Yes, I would.
All those things you've done, they're in your past.
It's who you are now that counts.
- It hurts! - I know it hurts.
It's going to be a lot worse if I stay.
It's only bad at first.
It's like jumping in the sea when it's cold.
But then it's fun, isn't it? You won't remember, but when you were small, Mum used to tell you to be brave before me and her would go into the woods, and you were.
You were so brave, Tom.
And you have to be now.
You're going to be brave, aren't you? Maybe next month, you'll be big enough to come with me.
Dad! Dad! Don't leave! George, are you sure we're not lost? I have three tracking badges on my woggle.
I don't do lost.
- You were a Boy Scout? - Well, a Cub.
What? Cub.
George.
I knew it.
What else could've done that? I dunno.
Foxes? A really pissed-off badger? Anyway, it's been almost a month since the last full moon.
How do we know he's still going to be here? Well, until NHS Direct get back to me about my pregnant werewolf query, we have no other option.
You're the one who won't let us talk to Mitchell.
I just don't want anyone to know yet.
Come on.
Mind there.
Hold onto my hand.
Dad, Dad, he's back! The one I told you about.
Where? Close.
With a woman.
There might be more of 'em.
Inside.
- Can't I talk to 'em? - Get inside.
But Dad, what if they're part of the pack? Ssh.
I don't want to go inside.
I want to talk to 'em, Dad.
Why? Get in and don't come out till I call you! How's that? Yeah, it's nice.
And that? It's good, yeah.
It tickles a little bit.
- How about that? - Annie - Still nothing? - The questions aren't really helping.
- Maybe your jeans are too tight.
- No! No, no, the jeans are fine.
Just just go with the flow, you know? Yeah.
But who leads the flow? - No-one, it's a flow.
- Gotcha.
You know what, can we just? Can we just cuddle for a little bit? Oh! Am I doing it really, really, really wrong? No! No, no, no, no.
Just I just think we should take it in tiny steps.
Oh.
OK.
Excuse me? Hello? Hi.
Just tuning up? Fan belt's gone.
If I had a pair of stockings on me, I'd hand them over.
Not that I do.
Wear stockings.
Much! We're actually looking for somebody else, a younger guy, early 20s.
We saw him about a month ago, dragging a chicken.
I only parked up a couple of nights back.
- What was that? - What was what? I didn't hear anything.
- That was him, that was the guy I saw.
- There's no-one in there.
If you live with him, you must know what he is.
We're the same.
Maybe you are, too? Werewolves.
We need to speak to someone like us.
To see if you've ever heard of a werewolf having a baby.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about that, ma'am.
We need to know if the baby will survive the transformation.
We can't exactly talk to a doctor.
Very sorry, ma'am, but as I said, I can't help you.
Well, what about you? Do you know anything? - George.
- I said there's no-one in there.
OK, OK.
OK.
Sorry you had to see this, but he shouldn't have brought you here.
I suggest you take this young lady home.
Now.
If you do hear of anything - you know, rumours, whatever - these are, er These are our details.
We really would welcome anything you would have to offer.
Thank you.
So, since you've been struggling with the whole, you know, er I've made a list.
Sex list.
Of all the things that we can try.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
One - heavy petting.
Heavy petting's nice.
Good.
Nice.
OK, two - dirty talk.
- Dirty talk? - Yeah.
I've been such a bad girl.
I've been so very naughty.
I think that I need to be Need to be I can't read my own writing.
Oh, spanked.
I need to be spanked.
Then you say, "What have you done?" What have you done? Oh, bad, bad things.
Naked things in the mud.
Fighting my lesbian twin.
And then I sit on Sit on you Daddy.
Jesus.
What are you doing? Well Ventriloquism.
Ventriloquism.
Ventriloquism? Yeah, yeah.
"Gottle o' geer! "Gottle o' geer!" We're not very good yet, we've just started practising.
Where the hell have you guys been? - Shopping.
- Cinema.
Shopping.
Then cinema.
Er, what did you see? - Smokey AndThe Bandit.
- Avatar.
- What a weird double bill that was! - Weird! - Better get a shift on.
- Is that the time? I'm going to tidy the attic.
The urn keeps making a noise Incredibly dusty in here She was pretty, though, wasn't she? We do not judge women by their looks.
Why don't you tell them the truth? We don't know them.
Yeah, but if they're like us, shouldn't we help them? Just because they're like us does not mean they're like us.
- What if they're part of the pack? - They're not.
- How do you know? - I just do.
How will I know? Well, you know in the summer, when we pick fruit? The flowers open for the bees.
Well, you're like a bee, and you're looking for a flower.
It's nature, Tom.
I don't understand, Dad, right? If it's normal, then why wouldn't you let me speak to her? Look, you're going to feel certainurges.
- I was the same.
- With Mum? But you shouldn't get that confused with finding the pack.
You know, because one day, when we do, you'll meet someone you like, and if she feels the same, then you can be a bee, and she can be a flower.
They should get some air conditioning in here.
I'm just saying there's no rush.
It's a special thing.
It needs to be with a special person.
Like you.
Mitchell? Yeah, one minute! Mitchell, where are you? What are you doing up here? Just, er, tidying through some junk and stuff.
.
.
Mitchell Yeah? Why don't you want George and Nina to know about us? Me? I thought it was you.
Well, why would I want to keep it secret? I don't know.
I'm not exactly ideal boyfriend material, am I? Mitchell, you're everything I ever wanted.
And Oh, no, I'm not going to say it.
You're going to think I'm stupid.
What? WellI think this was meant to happen.
I think we're meant to be together.
Like it's fate.
Oh, come on, Annie, that's crap! Don't believe in fate.
Life's about what you do.
Not some fucking I don't mean us I just mean I just mean You need to make You need to make things happen.
Or not happen.
You know? Well, whatever you want to call it, I think someone has plans for us.
Right, see you in the morning.
Sleep well.
Werewolf! Nina! George! Wake up! There's someone in the house! Mitchell! Nina! George! No, no, no, whoa, stop! Nina! George! Mitchell's going to kill this guy! - Mitchell! - Why are you here? Who are you? - Let him go, Mitchell.
- Get off him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! - Get out of the way! - No, wait! George, we need tea towels.
You're all right, you're all right.
Your belt, give me your belt.
Do you know what you're doing? I'm a nurse.
We need to get him to a hospital.
I can stitch that up back at the truck.
Come on, Tom, you can walk.
What, in the Tetanus-mobile? Are you kidding? We can't go to a hospital.
Look, if I can get the glass out here, he might be OK.
We are not staying under the same roof as that thing.
As fine by me.
Mitchell's our friend.
It's fine.
What do you mean, he's your friend? Do you know what these things do to us? Put us in cages, make us fight.
What are you talking about?! That stopped years ago.
Trust me, get away while you can.
Chances are, he's got you both lined up for the next match.
Oh, fuck you! I've had enough of this.
And only a vampire would curse in front of ladies.
Why are they here? Who are they? Why are they here? - We met them this afternoon.
- Why? - I came to help.
- Tom.
Help with what? Help with what?! I'm pregnant! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Likeahhh! You're going to be a dad! And you're going to be a mum! And wewe're going to be baby-sitters! George! Oh, my God, Nina! Congratulations! That's incredible, man! Why didn't you tell us first?! We needed to speak to some werewolves first to make sure it was OK.
And? Look, I need to clean this wound.
We have to get him upstairs.
Right, we stay till it's sorted.
You! You don't go anywhere near him.
That's the last of the glass, I think.
I'll clean you up as best I can but I will have to take another look in the morning.
You said you couldhelp us.
Have you heard of other pregnant werewolves? Of course.
Mum and Dad.
So you were born a werewolf? He was.
I'm all right, aren't I? You're perfect.
And the pregnancy, it was It was fine, even during the full moon? Tell them, Dad, how the curse is really a blessing.
You know when your bones break? They mend, harder.
And when your skin tears, it'll heal, tougher.
The curse, it doesn't hurt you.
It makes you stronger.
Well, that's brilliantisn't it? What happened to your mum? She was killed by vampires.
OK, so maybe it's going to be a little bit hairier than expected, but as long as it's healthy and Nina's all right, that's all that matters.
Oh, my God! I'm going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to teach them how to play football.
I'm going to have to learn how to play football.
You're going to be brilliant.
You'll be embarrassing and everything.
Did the wolves say anything else about what they're doing here? Like what? What, you don't think it's weird, breaking into someone's house in the middle of the night? I don't think they're au fait with the whole domestic protocol thing, no, but they just wanted to help.
They're like over-zealous midwives.
Thank you.
What about Nina? What about Nina? Oh, come on, that Tom fella couldn't keep his eyes off her.
No, look.
I'm just saying, I've got a bad feeling about this.
They're odd.
They're volatile.
We have no idea what they're capable of.
This is a big deal for us, Mitchell.
I'm scared.
And so's Nina.
We kind of need these guys around just now, just like we'll need our friends when it actually happens.
Well, what do you think? That's my fleece.
All right, he's only borrowing it! Doesn't suit him, anyway.
He's far too young to wear a fleece.
I'm going to go to work now.
Hang on, no, I thought it was your day off.
No, no they just called me.
One of the cleaners called in sick.
Nightmare.
See you later.
What happened to your mum, Tom, if you don't mind me asking? We used to live in a house, like you, with a TV and a garden.
Didn't bother anybody, just kept ourselves to ourselves.
But then someone found out what we were.
Maybe they saw Mum and Dad in the forest.
Then the vampires came.
Like the story of the three little wolves, and the big, bad pig blows down the house.
Dad fought as many as he could, but there were too many of them.
And when Mum tried to run away, she was too slow, because she was carrying me.
How old were you? Just a baby.
Vampires don't care.
So you don't remember any of this yourself? No, Dad told me everything.
And you believe him? He's a good man.
Oh, yeah.
But, even so, I mean, it it can't be healthy, just the two of you all the time.
That's why we're looking for a pack.
A pack? It's like a family of people, like the three of us, where we belong.
I was attacked.
I'm not part of any pack.
It doesn't matter.
If the werewolf that chose you was part of our pack, then you are too.
Um, where are you going to find this pack? Could be anywhere.
That's why we keep on moving.
Right, er, I am going to need some X-rays.
So, if you'd like to put this on, there you go.
Just through those doors there.
The results won't be back till tomorrow - do you think you can convince McNair to bring you back? I'll talk to him.
Well, it kind of makes sense.
Wolves are pack-running creatures.
It's bullshit.
Like everything else McNair's told him.
- What are you talking about? - He's got scratches on his head, on his back.
Like the ones on your shoulder, like mine.
- Yeah, he could have got them anywhere.
- Oh, come on! Look, I know you're nervous, but why can't you just believe everything's going to be all right? Because it's inside me.
I need to be sure.
That's why I brought him here - to get blood samples, check dental records and check them against missing-person files.
And if he wasn't born a werewolf? Well, then, we're back to where we started.
You know what I don't understand? It's what a clean and kind girl like you is doing with a vampire.
How did you know? I see things.
When you live the life we do, it pays to know who's safe and who's a threat.
Look, my first boyfriend took naked pictures of me while I was asleep and put them on the internet.
My second boyfriend got drunk and asked my mum for a threesome.
My third boyfriend pushed me down the stairs and killed me.
So, I think a vampire is pretty much marriage material, given my track record.
All right, Annie? Yeah, I'm fine.
Er, but whatever you're doing tonight, cancel it, because I have the best idea.
Wow.
Er, tea, would you like tea? Yeah, why not? Lovely girl.
You don't talk to her.
You don't even look at her.
Well, lucky she's dead already.
Saves you the trouble of killing her one day.
What are you doing here? Really? Did somebody send you for me? Vampires and their vanity.
I've done nothing to you.
You spilt my boy's blood.
So I'm going to spill yours.
Oh, yeah? With this, is it? Now, how did you get in there? I didn't invite you.
Yeah, a little factoid for you.
Mobile homes don't count.
It must be something to do with all the gypsies we used to munch on in Transylvania.
I've never been able to work it out.
I want you out of my house.
It's just getting comfortable.
You've outstayed your welcome, McNair.
You hang around any longer and it's bad manners, you hear me? Ah, well, the McNairs, we're stubborn bastards.
My grandad lived to be 103.
That's older than a lot of vampires.
I'm coming for you, pal.
You can't outrun me.
You definitely can't outfight me.
You can't even outlive me.
Drink? We milked our new man only this morning.
No, I'm all right.
Cutting down.
The old ones didn't take very kindly to your refusal of their offer, you know.
There may be repercussions.
I'm not here to talk about that.
I heard things didn't go exactly to plan with Adam.
Oh, yes.
Your mongrels took away our boy.
They humiliated us in our own home.
Cheers.
Dinner party ruined.
Maybe I can make it up to you.
We're listening.
I heard a rumour that there were dogfights going on.
No.
Died out years ago.
Yeah? That's the official line.
And? I know of a dog.
If you know of anyone who might be interested.
Are you telling me that you are ready to hand over your pedigree chums? I'll say this once, and then it's said and we can move on.
If you so much as a lay a finger on George or Nina, I'll kill you.
So what have you got? Male.
Seasoned.
His name's McNair.
He's staying with his boy in a caravan.
Near here.
And the same goes for the kid as George and Nina.
You don't touch him.
Are you clear? Now.
Try again.
We're going to have to steal a new distributor cap.
Right, are you up for climbing some fences? What is wrong with you? Best day of the month tomorrow, and Why do you always do this? Do what? How are we supposed to find a pack if you don't give anybody a chance? Last year we met that werewolf, Galvin.
He was nice.
But you didn't like him, so we ran off.
So you think our pack would live with a vampire? After everything they've done to us? Yeah, finding the pack is important, but there's another reason we live like this.
- We kill vampires.
- It's our calling.
It's our task.
We are soldiers.
No So we get your results tomorrow, and we go.
Don't get too attached.
George and Nina aren't going to like us after we kill their friend.
One, two, three! - It's a bit of a pick-up joint, isn't it? - Yeah.
I know, it's brilliant.
So what's this idea, then? OK, what are you drinking? Vodka, gin? No, no, no, don't tell me, just taste it.
Ooh! Archer's.
I picked up a taste for schnapps when I was living in Vienna.
I know it's a bit girlie, but Yeah, but how did I taste it? No! - Yes.
- Annie.
You pull a girl, I hold her hand, or whatever, you feel her, and I feel you through her.
Oh, my God, you're not even joking.
Oh, what about her? She kind of looks like me.
A chubbier, older, paler version, but Ooh, no backcombing, and definitely no blondes.
But, you know, whoever you like.
You're too good-looking to be sitting on your own.
What aboutGina? It's a combination of George and Nina.
Well, better than Norge.
Annie and Mitchell still haven't said anything.
It's getting embarrassing.
Maybe they think we wouldn't approve.
Oh, well, we don't, though, do we? Why not? Well, let me see She's a Sagittarius, and he's a 117-year-old mass murderer.
- Nina! - What? I'm surprised at you.
No-one's defined purely by their past or their condition.
Just because we're not normal doesn't mean we can't be normal.
Really, you of all people.
That's not what I was saying.
You've taken that completely out of context.
Oh, Mitchell, she's being sick.
Oh, what?! You're going to have to get her to brush her teeth! Oh, nasty Get her to brush her teeth.
She's George.
- Evening.
- Hiya.
- All right? - Yeah.
Where have you two been, then? Ventriloquism class? Yes, we have, George.
That was good.
Look, can we just stop with this? OK.
All right, all right, we're kind of An item! We're an item.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry we didn't tell you sooner.
What are you talking about? It's amazing.
You're a couple, we're going to be a family.
It's like a Rubik's Cube all coming together.
Yeah.
High-five! Five, and you don't find it weird? I think it's the most natural thing in the world.
Sure, sure, we all have our little, er, idiosyncrasies.
But ultimately, it's about two people finding each other and having a happy and normal relationship.
Hiya.
George, this is Sadie.
Sadie, Sadie.
Sadie, George.
Good evening.
Let go of her hand, George.
Let go.
Are you ready, tiger? Night, then.
Yeah, yeah, good night.
Watch the step.
- Good night, George.
- Good night, Annie.
- Feisty, isn't she? - Good, right.
- Lovely.
Let me just Here.
- Are you sure about this? Yes, yes, I'm very Hell, yeah.
What do you think I'm here for? The conversation? Oh, clearly not.
- Can you feel anything yet? - Er Give me a chance! Annie? Sadie! Ooh, wow, someone is really horny.
You too, of course.
Lovely bra.
Ooh, there she goes.
Good, OK, er Come round here and get involved with you here.
Right.
Someone's excited! OK, lovely, er OK Mitchell? Mitchell? Mitchell? Mitchell! Mitchell! Mitchell, Mitchell, no! Mitchell What the fuck was that?! I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Whwho are you? I think you should go.
- Go! - I'm going! Freak! So sorry.
Who were you? Before all this? Before Tom, I was nothing.
I was wild.
I was a danger to myself as much as anyone else.
Tomsaved me.
What would you prefer? Boy, girl? Suppose a boy would be easier.
Maybe at first.
You wait till girls come in the equation.
- Specially this time of the month.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you try to teach them how to behave.
One sign of female flesh, and it all goes to pot.
Tom's like a force of nature.
He's rampant.
I've just got to go and ask Nina something.
So how are the results? Oh, I'm not going to examine you.
You can put your clothes back on.
I didn't take my top off for that.
If I have to leave tomorrow, I just want you to know how I feel.
Tom And I think you feel the same.
No What's going on? I love her.
What? I love her.
George Well, maybe we both love her and maybe that makes us a pack.
There is no pack.
Your tests yesterday, I sent them to a lab.
The police keep records of missing people in case they ever turn up in hospital.
You're not who you think you are.
I'm sorry, Tom, but you weren't born a werewolf.
You caught it, like us.
Those scratches on your back No, Dad said I got them the first time I transformed outside of the van.
We circled the chickens too close together.
- It's a lie, Tom.
It's all here - No, no, no.
- Nina, don't do this - He has a right to know.
Limehead.
It's in Cornwall.
That's where you disappeared.
You were just a baby.
They found samples of your blood and hair at the scene, but they didn't find a body, so they assumed you were dead.
But they did find your mother .
.
and your father.
They said it was an animal attack.
And if he wasn't born a werewolf .
.
then what does that mean for us? Tom? Tom! You lied to me! Tom, let him go.
No! The scratches on my back, I was attacked.
You're hurting him, Tom.
By who? By who? By me.
And my mum? Please, Tom, don't do this.
And my mum?! I was changed.
I didn't know what I was doing.
You must have been camping, the three of you.
I don't remember.
And I come back the next day, you're there.
You were just a baby.
I thought you were dead.
But you were warm and bloody and you were still breathing.
How was I supposed to explain it, Tom? I always tried to do the best for you.
What about the pack? It's just me and you.
Go.
You were just a child.
I had to tell you something you could understand.
I said, go! Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have told you the way I did.
But just because he lied to you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
McNair always told me to tell the truth.
It's for your baby.
Thank you.
That's if we still have a baby, after tonight.
Well, you can transform in the basement.
Then Annie and Mitchell can keep an eye on you.
Ssh.
What? - George.
- Nina.
Hey.
Hey.
Come here.
I'm so sorry about last night.
When I get like that, I just I can't control myself.
Mitchell Who are we kidding with this relationship? It's We can't do anything that normal couples do.
We can't have children, we can't have sex Thank God.
That's what sex is to me.
It's a weapon.
It's never been about love.
It's never even been about lust.
It's just It's just the blood.
But we can have something better than that.
Something pure.
I've done so many bad things, Annie, my God.
Maybe that's why I don't believe in fate.
I'm tired of being manipulated.
For nearly 100 years, I've been a slave to hunger.
But with you You give me a reason to take control back over my life.
You give me a reason to start again.
Don't tell me that kissing is off the menu as well.
No, no, there's just There's one thing I've got to put right first.
Richard? Hi, it's Mitchell.
Listen, er The deal's off.
Well, I'm afraid it's a little late in the day for that.
You see, we are, as they say, fully cast.
McNair! - He was my world and you took him from me.
- What are you talking about? And now I've lost him.
And you're going to pay.
Stop it! Get off him! Where are they? McNair, please, tell me where they went! Oh, shit.
Listen, I can find out where the dogfights are.
We'll get them back.
I know where they are.
Will someone please tell me what's going on? Sorry, miss, it's not safe for you.
Will you stop being so bloody Cranford about everything? I'm dead already.
McNair? You'll be needing this.
No.
No, no, no, no! No, you can't do this.
You can't do this.
Please, please, she's pregnant! Conceived doggy-style, I presume.
Down, boy! Now, ladies and gentlemen Oh, my God.
.
.
it's a fight to the death.
The last wolf standing.
It's that time, Mr Wolf.
The baby, the baby! Where does it hurt? What can I do? What can I do? If you want, I could kill you, and Nina could kill me before we change.
I won't fight back.
Fight! Come on! Come on, show us! Ladies and gentlemen, place those bets! He's here.
He's here.
He's quite intense.
Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a change to tonight's billing.
In three minutes, I'm going to kill everyone in this room.
Dad! Dad! Dad! Where are the keys? You'll pay for this.
Retribution is coming from overseas.
Give me the keys! Whoopsie! Sorry, sorry.
The keys! I got them! I've got the keys.
OK Oh, God! Open it, Annie! Which one is it? Which one is it? - The Chubb, the Chubb! - What's a Chubb?! What it sounds like! The fat one! Annie, open it! Come here! Richard! You're ruining everything! It's OK.
Come on, Nina, it's OK.
Mitchell? I got your back, Digby.
Richard! Richard! Richard, move your arse! Get out! It's going to be Mitchell! Mitchell! You can stay here with your friends! Mitchell! Mitchell.
Mitchell! Mitchell! - Where are we going? - Cage, the cage! Now, stay.
Stay, boy.
Good boy, good boy.
Ooh, there's a good boy, there's a It's OK.
It's OK, it's fine.
We're safe now, OK? Everything's going to be all right.
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
Think so.
I hope so.
Me too.
More than anything.
How come we didn't tear each other apart? Well, it was really quite sweet, actually.
I mean, after the other wolves finished trying to kill Mitchell, George just kind of padded around you, all protective, and then the other two stayed on the other side, kind of wrestling around and marking their territory.
It was fine.
There's a chicken needs eating, if everyone's staying for dinner.
I should go.
I understand if you want to stay.
Maybe they are your pack.
I think they've got their own pack.
Limehead, Cornwall's where I want to go.
You can take the truck.
I'll be all right.
We still need to find a distributor cap.
Plus, you need to teach me how to drive.
Good luck.
Are you going? Are you guys off? Ladies.
Thanks for the hospitality.
- Bye.
- Take care of yourselves, yeah? McNair? We're square now after everything, you and me, yeah? You think one good deed cancels out everything you've done? Yeah, we may be square, but you'll get yours.
Somedaysoon somebody's going to get you.
Bang.
Five fives, five shillings.
Five shillings, plus this five.
Minus the three shillings I could make Could make us I need to get there, need to get there.
Need a carriage, I want a carriage.
Get me a carriage! Ridiculous! Be treated like this! Don't you know who I am? Oh, God What are we going to do? Cara! Need your help.
This is Wendy, and Wendy is a community psychiatric nurse.
I'll do it, but it has to be done.
You want every little corner of me.
But I just don't want to give it.
How messed up are we, when my story can be seen as inspirational? You're going to be killed by a werewolf.
A wolf-shaped bullet.
Bang! - Would you like to have a baby? - Yes, I would.
All those things you've done, they're in your past.
It's who you are now that counts.
- It hurts! - I know it hurts.
It's going to be a lot worse if I stay.
It's only bad at first.
It's like jumping in the sea when it's cold.
But then it's fun, isn't it? You won't remember, but when you were small, Mum used to tell you to be brave before me and her would go into the woods, and you were.
You were so brave, Tom.
And you have to be now.
You're going to be brave, aren't you? Maybe next month, you'll be big enough to come with me.
Dad! Dad! Don't leave! George, are you sure we're not lost? I have three tracking badges on my woggle.
I don't do lost.
- You were a Boy Scout? - Well, a Cub.
What? Cub.
George.
I knew it.
What else could've done that? I dunno.
Foxes? A really pissed-off badger? Anyway, it's been almost a month since the last full moon.
How do we know he's still going to be here? Well, until NHS Direct get back to me about my pregnant werewolf query, we have no other option.
You're the one who won't let us talk to Mitchell.
I just don't want anyone to know yet.
Come on.
Mind there.
Hold onto my hand.
Dad, Dad, he's back! The one I told you about.
Where? Close.
With a woman.
There might be more of 'em.
Inside.
- Can't I talk to 'em? - Get inside.
But Dad, what if they're part of the pack? Ssh.
I don't want to go inside.
I want to talk to 'em, Dad.
Why? Get in and don't come out till I call you! How's that? Yeah, it's nice.
And that? It's good, yeah.
It tickles a little bit.
- How about that? - Annie - Still nothing? - The questions aren't really helping.
- Maybe your jeans are too tight.
- No! No, no, the jeans are fine.
Just just go with the flow, you know? Yeah.
But who leads the flow? - No-one, it's a flow.
- Gotcha.
You know what, can we just? Can we just cuddle for a little bit? Oh! Am I doing it really, really, really wrong? No! No, no, no, no.
Just I just think we should take it in tiny steps.
Oh.
OK.
Excuse me? Hello? Hi.
Just tuning up? Fan belt's gone.
If I had a pair of stockings on me, I'd hand them over.
Not that I do.
Wear stockings.
Much! We're actually looking for somebody else, a younger guy, early 20s.
We saw him about a month ago, dragging a chicken.
I only parked up a couple of nights back.
- What was that? - What was what? I didn't hear anything.
- That was him, that was the guy I saw.
- There's no-one in there.
If you live with him, you must know what he is.
We're the same.
Maybe you are, too? Werewolves.
We need to speak to someone like us.
To see if you've ever heard of a werewolf having a baby.
I'm afraid I don't know anything about that, ma'am.
We need to know if the baby will survive the transformation.
We can't exactly talk to a doctor.
Very sorry, ma'am, but as I said, I can't help you.
Well, what about you? Do you know anything? - George.
- I said there's no-one in there.
OK, OK.
OK.
Sorry you had to see this, but he shouldn't have brought you here.
I suggest you take this young lady home.
Now.
If you do hear of anything - you know, rumours, whatever - these are, er These are our details.
We really would welcome anything you would have to offer.
Thank you.
So, since you've been struggling with the whole, you know, er I've made a list.
Sex list.
Of all the things that we can try.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
One - heavy petting.
Heavy petting's nice.
Good.
Nice.
OK, two - dirty talk.
- Dirty talk? - Yeah.
I've been such a bad girl.
I've been so very naughty.
I think that I need to be Need to be I can't read my own writing.
Oh, spanked.
I need to be spanked.
Then you say, "What have you done?" What have you done? Oh, bad, bad things.
Naked things in the mud.
Fighting my lesbian twin.
And then I sit on Sit on you Daddy.
Jesus.
What are you doing? Well Ventriloquism.
Ventriloquism.
Ventriloquism? Yeah, yeah.
"Gottle o' geer! "Gottle o' geer!" We're not very good yet, we've just started practising.
Where the hell have you guys been? - Shopping.
- Cinema.
Shopping.
Then cinema.
Er, what did you see? - Smokey AndThe Bandit.
- Avatar.
- What a weird double bill that was! - Weird! - Better get a shift on.
- Is that the time? I'm going to tidy the attic.
The urn keeps making a noise Incredibly dusty in here She was pretty, though, wasn't she? We do not judge women by their looks.
Why don't you tell them the truth? We don't know them.
Yeah, but if they're like us, shouldn't we help them? Just because they're like us does not mean they're like us.
- What if they're part of the pack? - They're not.
- How do you know? - I just do.
How will I know? Well, you know in the summer, when we pick fruit? The flowers open for the bees.
Well, you're like a bee, and you're looking for a flower.
It's nature, Tom.
I don't understand, Dad, right? If it's normal, then why wouldn't you let me speak to her? Look, you're going to feel certainurges.
- I was the same.
- With Mum? But you shouldn't get that confused with finding the pack.
You know, because one day, when we do, you'll meet someone you like, and if she feels the same, then you can be a bee, and she can be a flower.
They should get some air conditioning in here.
I'm just saying there's no rush.
It's a special thing.
It needs to be with a special person.
Like you.
Mitchell? Yeah, one minute! Mitchell, where are you? What are you doing up here? Just, er, tidying through some junk and stuff.
.
.
Mitchell Yeah? Why don't you want George and Nina to know about us? Me? I thought it was you.
Well, why would I want to keep it secret? I don't know.
I'm not exactly ideal boyfriend material, am I? Mitchell, you're everything I ever wanted.
And Oh, no, I'm not going to say it.
You're going to think I'm stupid.
What? WellI think this was meant to happen.
I think we're meant to be together.
Like it's fate.
Oh, come on, Annie, that's crap! Don't believe in fate.
Life's about what you do.
Not some fucking I don't mean us I just mean I just mean You need to make You need to make things happen.
Or not happen.
You know? Well, whatever you want to call it, I think someone has plans for us.
Right, see you in the morning.
Sleep well.
Werewolf! Nina! George! Wake up! There's someone in the house! Mitchell! Nina! George! No, no, no, whoa, stop! Nina! George! Mitchell's going to kill this guy! - Mitchell! - Why are you here? Who are you? - Let him go, Mitchell.
- Get off him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no! - Get out of the way! - No, wait! George, we need tea towels.
You're all right, you're all right.
Your belt, give me your belt.
Do you know what you're doing? I'm a nurse.
We need to get him to a hospital.
I can stitch that up back at the truck.
Come on, Tom, you can walk.
What, in the Tetanus-mobile? Are you kidding? We can't go to a hospital.
Look, if I can get the glass out here, he might be OK.
We are not staying under the same roof as that thing.
As fine by me.
Mitchell's our friend.
It's fine.
What do you mean, he's your friend? Do you know what these things do to us? Put us in cages, make us fight.
What are you talking about?! That stopped years ago.
Trust me, get away while you can.
Chances are, he's got you both lined up for the next match.
Oh, fuck you! I've had enough of this.
And only a vampire would curse in front of ladies.
Why are they here? Who are they? Why are they here? - We met them this afternoon.
- Why? - I came to help.
- Tom.
Help with what? Help with what?! I'm pregnant! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Likeahhh! You're going to be a dad! And you're going to be a mum! And wewe're going to be baby-sitters! George! Oh, my God, Nina! Congratulations! That's incredible, man! Why didn't you tell us first?! We needed to speak to some werewolves first to make sure it was OK.
And? Look, I need to clean this wound.
We have to get him upstairs.
Right, we stay till it's sorted.
You! You don't go anywhere near him.
That's the last of the glass, I think.
I'll clean you up as best I can but I will have to take another look in the morning.
You said you couldhelp us.
Have you heard of other pregnant werewolves? Of course.
Mum and Dad.
So you were born a werewolf? He was.
I'm all right, aren't I? You're perfect.
And the pregnancy, it was It was fine, even during the full moon? Tell them, Dad, how the curse is really a blessing.
You know when your bones break? They mend, harder.
And when your skin tears, it'll heal, tougher.
The curse, it doesn't hurt you.
It makes you stronger.
Well, that's brilliantisn't it? What happened to your mum? She was killed by vampires.
OK, so maybe it's going to be a little bit hairier than expected, but as long as it's healthy and Nina's all right, that's all that matters.
Oh, my God! I'm going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to teach them how to play football.
I'm going to have to learn how to play football.
You're going to be brilliant.
You'll be embarrassing and everything.
Did the wolves say anything else about what they're doing here? Like what? What, you don't think it's weird, breaking into someone's house in the middle of the night? I don't think they're au fait with the whole domestic protocol thing, no, but they just wanted to help.
They're like over-zealous midwives.
Thank you.
What about Nina? What about Nina? Oh, come on, that Tom fella couldn't keep his eyes off her.
No, look.
I'm just saying, I've got a bad feeling about this.
They're odd.
They're volatile.
We have no idea what they're capable of.
This is a big deal for us, Mitchell.
I'm scared.
And so's Nina.
We kind of need these guys around just now, just like we'll need our friends when it actually happens.
Well, what do you think? That's my fleece.
All right, he's only borrowing it! Doesn't suit him, anyway.
He's far too young to wear a fleece.
I'm going to go to work now.
Hang on, no, I thought it was your day off.
No, no they just called me.
One of the cleaners called in sick.
Nightmare.
See you later.
What happened to your mum, Tom, if you don't mind me asking? We used to live in a house, like you, with a TV and a garden.
Didn't bother anybody, just kept ourselves to ourselves.
But then someone found out what we were.
Maybe they saw Mum and Dad in the forest.
Then the vampires came.
Like the story of the three little wolves, and the big, bad pig blows down the house.
Dad fought as many as he could, but there were too many of them.
And when Mum tried to run away, she was too slow, because she was carrying me.
How old were you? Just a baby.
Vampires don't care.
So you don't remember any of this yourself? No, Dad told me everything.
And you believe him? He's a good man.
Oh, yeah.
But, even so, I mean, it it can't be healthy, just the two of you all the time.
That's why we're looking for a pack.
A pack? It's like a family of people, like the three of us, where we belong.
I was attacked.
I'm not part of any pack.
It doesn't matter.
If the werewolf that chose you was part of our pack, then you are too.
Um, where are you going to find this pack? Could be anywhere.
That's why we keep on moving.
Right, er, I am going to need some X-rays.
So, if you'd like to put this on, there you go.
Just through those doors there.
The results won't be back till tomorrow - do you think you can convince McNair to bring you back? I'll talk to him.
Well, it kind of makes sense.
Wolves are pack-running creatures.
It's bullshit.
Like everything else McNair's told him.
- What are you talking about? - He's got scratches on his head, on his back.
Like the ones on your shoulder, like mine.
- Yeah, he could have got them anywhere.
- Oh, come on! Look, I know you're nervous, but why can't you just believe everything's going to be all right? Because it's inside me.
I need to be sure.
That's why I brought him here - to get blood samples, check dental records and check them against missing-person files.
And if he wasn't born a werewolf? Well, then, we're back to where we started.
You know what I don't understand? It's what a clean and kind girl like you is doing with a vampire.
How did you know? I see things.
When you live the life we do, it pays to know who's safe and who's a threat.
Look, my first boyfriend took naked pictures of me while I was asleep and put them on the internet.
My second boyfriend got drunk and asked my mum for a threesome.
My third boyfriend pushed me down the stairs and killed me.
So, I think a vampire is pretty much marriage material, given my track record.
All right, Annie? Yeah, I'm fine.
Er, but whatever you're doing tonight, cancel it, because I have the best idea.
Wow.
Er, tea, would you like tea? Yeah, why not? Lovely girl.
You don't talk to her.
You don't even look at her.
Well, lucky she's dead already.
Saves you the trouble of killing her one day.
What are you doing here? Really? Did somebody send you for me? Vampires and their vanity.
I've done nothing to you.
You spilt my boy's blood.
So I'm going to spill yours.
Oh, yeah? With this, is it? Now, how did you get in there? I didn't invite you.
Yeah, a little factoid for you.
Mobile homes don't count.
It must be something to do with all the gypsies we used to munch on in Transylvania.
I've never been able to work it out.
I want you out of my house.
It's just getting comfortable.
You've outstayed your welcome, McNair.
You hang around any longer and it's bad manners, you hear me? Ah, well, the McNairs, we're stubborn bastards.
My grandad lived to be 103.
That's older than a lot of vampires.
I'm coming for you, pal.
You can't outrun me.
You definitely can't outfight me.
You can't even outlive me.
Drink? We milked our new man only this morning.
No, I'm all right.
Cutting down.
The old ones didn't take very kindly to your refusal of their offer, you know.
There may be repercussions.
I'm not here to talk about that.
I heard things didn't go exactly to plan with Adam.
Oh, yes.
Your mongrels took away our boy.
They humiliated us in our own home.
Cheers.
Dinner party ruined.
Maybe I can make it up to you.
We're listening.
I heard a rumour that there were dogfights going on.
No.
Died out years ago.
Yeah? That's the official line.
And? I know of a dog.
If you know of anyone who might be interested.
Are you telling me that you are ready to hand over your pedigree chums? I'll say this once, and then it's said and we can move on.
If you so much as a lay a finger on George or Nina, I'll kill you.
So what have you got? Male.
Seasoned.
His name's McNair.
He's staying with his boy in a caravan.
Near here.
And the same goes for the kid as George and Nina.
You don't touch him.
Are you clear? Now.
Try again.
We're going to have to steal a new distributor cap.
Right, are you up for climbing some fences? What is wrong with you? Best day of the month tomorrow, and Why do you always do this? Do what? How are we supposed to find a pack if you don't give anybody a chance? Last year we met that werewolf, Galvin.
He was nice.
But you didn't like him, so we ran off.
So you think our pack would live with a vampire? After everything they've done to us? Yeah, finding the pack is important, but there's another reason we live like this.
- We kill vampires.
- It's our calling.
It's our task.
We are soldiers.
No So we get your results tomorrow, and we go.
Don't get too attached.
George and Nina aren't going to like us after we kill their friend.
One, two, three! - It's a bit of a pick-up joint, isn't it? - Yeah.
I know, it's brilliant.
So what's this idea, then? OK, what are you drinking? Vodka, gin? No, no, no, don't tell me, just taste it.
Ooh! Archer's.
I picked up a taste for schnapps when I was living in Vienna.
I know it's a bit girlie, but Yeah, but how did I taste it? No! - Yes.
- Annie.
You pull a girl, I hold her hand, or whatever, you feel her, and I feel you through her.
Oh, my God, you're not even joking.
Oh, what about her? She kind of looks like me.
A chubbier, older, paler version, but Ooh, no backcombing, and definitely no blondes.
But, you know, whoever you like.
You're too good-looking to be sitting on your own.
What aboutGina? It's a combination of George and Nina.
Well, better than Norge.
Annie and Mitchell still haven't said anything.
It's getting embarrassing.
Maybe they think we wouldn't approve.
Oh, well, we don't, though, do we? Why not? Well, let me see She's a Sagittarius, and he's a 117-year-old mass murderer.
- Nina! - What? I'm surprised at you.
No-one's defined purely by their past or their condition.
Just because we're not normal doesn't mean we can't be normal.
Really, you of all people.
That's not what I was saying.
You've taken that completely out of context.
Oh, Mitchell, she's being sick.
Oh, what?! You're going to have to get her to brush her teeth! Oh, nasty Get her to brush her teeth.
She's George.
- Evening.
- Hiya.
- All right? - Yeah.
Where have you two been, then? Ventriloquism class? Yes, we have, George.
That was good.
Look, can we just stop with this? OK.
All right, all right, we're kind of An item! We're an item.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry we didn't tell you sooner.
What are you talking about? It's amazing.
You're a couple, we're going to be a family.
It's like a Rubik's Cube all coming together.
Yeah.
High-five! Five, and you don't find it weird? I think it's the most natural thing in the world.
Sure, sure, we all have our little, er, idiosyncrasies.
But ultimately, it's about two people finding each other and having a happy and normal relationship.
Hiya.
George, this is Sadie.
Sadie, Sadie.
Sadie, George.
Good evening.
Let go of her hand, George.
Let go.
Are you ready, tiger? Night, then.
Yeah, yeah, good night.
Watch the step.
- Good night, George.
- Good night, Annie.
- Feisty, isn't she? - Good, right.
- Lovely.
Let me just Here.
- Are you sure about this? Yes, yes, I'm very Hell, yeah.
What do you think I'm here for? The conversation? Oh, clearly not.
- Can you feel anything yet? - Er Give me a chance! Annie? Sadie! Ooh, wow, someone is really horny.
You too, of course.
Lovely bra.
Ooh, there she goes.
Good, OK, er Come round here and get involved with you here.
Right.
Someone's excited! OK, lovely, er OK Mitchell? Mitchell? Mitchell? Mitchell! Mitchell! Mitchell, Mitchell, no! Mitchell What the fuck was that?! I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Whwho are you? I think you should go.
- Go! - I'm going! Freak! So sorry.
Who were you? Before all this? Before Tom, I was nothing.
I was wild.
I was a danger to myself as much as anyone else.
Tomsaved me.
What would you prefer? Boy, girl? Suppose a boy would be easier.
Maybe at first.
You wait till girls come in the equation.
- Specially this time of the month.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you try to teach them how to behave.
One sign of female flesh, and it all goes to pot.
Tom's like a force of nature.
He's rampant.
I've just got to go and ask Nina something.
So how are the results? Oh, I'm not going to examine you.
You can put your clothes back on.
I didn't take my top off for that.
If I have to leave tomorrow, I just want you to know how I feel.
Tom And I think you feel the same.
No What's going on? I love her.
What? I love her.
George Well, maybe we both love her and maybe that makes us a pack.
There is no pack.
Your tests yesterday, I sent them to a lab.
The police keep records of missing people in case they ever turn up in hospital.
You're not who you think you are.
I'm sorry, Tom, but you weren't born a werewolf.
You caught it, like us.
Those scratches on your back No, Dad said I got them the first time I transformed outside of the van.
We circled the chickens too close together.
- It's a lie, Tom.
It's all here - No, no, no.
- Nina, don't do this - He has a right to know.
Limehead.
It's in Cornwall.
That's where you disappeared.
You were just a baby.
They found samples of your blood and hair at the scene, but they didn't find a body, so they assumed you were dead.
But they did find your mother .
.
and your father.
They said it was an animal attack.
And if he wasn't born a werewolf .
.
then what does that mean for us? Tom? Tom! You lied to me! Tom, let him go.
No! The scratches on my back, I was attacked.
You're hurting him, Tom.
By who? By who? By me.
And my mum? Please, Tom, don't do this.
And my mum?! I was changed.
I didn't know what I was doing.
You must have been camping, the three of you.
I don't remember.
And I come back the next day, you're there.
You were just a baby.
I thought you were dead.
But you were warm and bloody and you were still breathing.
How was I supposed to explain it, Tom? I always tried to do the best for you.
What about the pack? It's just me and you.
Go.
You were just a child.
I had to tell you something you could understand.
I said, go! Look, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have told you the way I did.
But just because he lied to you, doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
McNair always told me to tell the truth.
It's for your baby.
Thank you.
That's if we still have a baby, after tonight.
Well, you can transform in the basement.
Then Annie and Mitchell can keep an eye on you.
Ssh.
What? - George.
- Nina.
Hey.
Hey.
Come here.
I'm so sorry about last night.
When I get like that, I just I can't control myself.
Mitchell Who are we kidding with this relationship? It's We can't do anything that normal couples do.
We can't have children, we can't have sex Thank God.
That's what sex is to me.
It's a weapon.
It's never been about love.
It's never even been about lust.
It's just It's just the blood.
But we can have something better than that.
Something pure.
I've done so many bad things, Annie, my God.
Maybe that's why I don't believe in fate.
I'm tired of being manipulated.
For nearly 100 years, I've been a slave to hunger.
But with you You give me a reason to take control back over my life.
You give me a reason to start again.
Don't tell me that kissing is off the menu as well.
No, no, there's just There's one thing I've got to put right first.
Richard? Hi, it's Mitchell.
Listen, er The deal's off.
Well, I'm afraid it's a little late in the day for that.
You see, we are, as they say, fully cast.
McNair! - He was my world and you took him from me.
- What are you talking about? And now I've lost him.
And you're going to pay.
Stop it! Get off him! Where are they? McNair, please, tell me where they went! Oh, shit.
Listen, I can find out where the dogfights are.
We'll get them back.
I know where they are.
Will someone please tell me what's going on? Sorry, miss, it's not safe for you.
Will you stop being so bloody Cranford about everything? I'm dead already.
McNair? You'll be needing this.
No.
No, no, no, no! No, you can't do this.
You can't do this.
Please, please, she's pregnant! Conceived doggy-style, I presume.
Down, boy! Now, ladies and gentlemen Oh, my God.
.
.
it's a fight to the death.
The last wolf standing.
It's that time, Mr Wolf.
The baby, the baby! Where does it hurt? What can I do? What can I do? If you want, I could kill you, and Nina could kill me before we change.
I won't fight back.
Fight! Come on! Come on, show us! Ladies and gentlemen, place those bets! He's here.
He's here.
He's quite intense.
Ladies and gentlemen, there's been a change to tonight's billing.
In three minutes, I'm going to kill everyone in this room.
Dad! Dad! Dad! Where are the keys? You'll pay for this.
Retribution is coming from overseas.
Give me the keys! Whoopsie! Sorry, sorry.
The keys! I got them! I've got the keys.
OK Oh, God! Open it, Annie! Which one is it? Which one is it? - The Chubb, the Chubb! - What's a Chubb?! What it sounds like! The fat one! Annie, open it! Come here! Richard! You're ruining everything! It's OK.
Come on, Nina, it's OK.
Mitchell? I got your back, Digby.
Richard! Richard! Richard, move your arse! Get out! It's going to be Mitchell! Mitchell! You can stay here with your friends! Mitchell! Mitchell.
Mitchell! Mitchell! - Where are we going? - Cage, the cage! Now, stay.
Stay, boy.
Good boy, good boy.
Ooh, there's a good boy, there's a It's OK.
It's OK, it's fine.
We're safe now, OK? Everything's going to be all right.
- Are you all right? - Yeah.
Think so.
I hope so.
Me too.
More than anything.
How come we didn't tear each other apart? Well, it was really quite sweet, actually.
I mean, after the other wolves finished trying to kill Mitchell, George just kind of padded around you, all protective, and then the other two stayed on the other side, kind of wrestling around and marking their territory.
It was fine.
There's a chicken needs eating, if everyone's staying for dinner.
I should go.
I understand if you want to stay.
Maybe they are your pack.
I think they've got their own pack.
Limehead, Cornwall's where I want to go.
You can take the truck.
I'll be all right.
We still need to find a distributor cap.
Plus, you need to teach me how to drive.
Good luck.
Are you going? Are you guys off? Ladies.
Thanks for the hospitality.
- Bye.
- Take care of yourselves, yeah? McNair? We're square now after everything, you and me, yeah? You think one good deed cancels out everything you've done? Yeah, we may be square, but you'll get yours.
Somedaysoon somebody's going to get you.
Bang.
Five fives, five shillings.
Five shillings, plus this five.
Minus the three shillings I could make Could make us I need to get there, need to get there.
Need a carriage, I want a carriage.
Get me a carriage! Ridiculous! Be treated like this! Don't you know who I am? Oh, God What are we going to do? Cara! Need your help.
This is Wendy, and Wendy is a community psychiatric nurse.
I'll do it, but it has to be done.
You want every little corner of me.
But I just don't want to give it.