Bojack Horseman (2014) s03e04 Episode Script
Fish Out Of Water
1 Why do I have to go to this thing? If we want to be a legitimate awards contender, Secretariat needs to make an appearance at a big festival.
-I can't just go to Cannes? -You Cannes not.
Apparently, the French do not care for you ever since you said that thing in the press.
Hey, I stand by my critique of Sartre.
His philosophical arguments helped tyrannical regimes justify overt cruelty.
Also, the French smell and I hate them.
And you can't go to Sundance because Robert Redford hates you.
Someone had to tell him The Horse Whisperer was offensive.
Sorry, but real horses don't just do whatever someone says.
And that's why you need to go to this festival.
(SIGHS) If you say so.
The Pacific Ocean Film Fest, or POFF, is the biggest underwater film festival in the world.
You make a splash there, people are going to notice.
Fine.
All you need to do is get to the premiere on time, 8:00.
Walk the red carpet, wave at the crowd, kiss some fish babies.
(GROANS) Fish.
They're so annoying.
-(SQUEAKING) -Sorry, lady.
No habla fish talk.
You need to be sensitive to their culture.
Things are different down there.
You know what a thumb's up means, right? Yes, I know what a thumb's up means.
I'll be fine.
Oh, I wanted to warn you.
Kelsey Jannings is also going to be at the festival.
-Kelsey? No.
-She has another film there.
I haven't talked to her since she got fired from Secretariat.
Well, luckily you won't have to talk much because you'll both be underwater.
God, I haven't been underwater since my mother tried to drown me in the bathtub when I was 22.
I can't do this, Ana.
I'm sorry.
-Sir.
-I'm getting off.
You can't.
We've already pressurized the cabin.
-Sir, please return to your seat.
-No.
I don't want to do this.
You can't make me.
I'm a land creature.
I don't belong down there.
You can lead me to water, but you cannot make-- -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -Aaaah! (FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) (HORN HONKING) (GURGLING) (TRILLS) (GURGLING SCREAMS) (GURGLES AND GRUNTS) (INAUDIBLE) (GURGLING) (GURGLES AND BABBLES) (LAUGHING) -Mm-hmm.
-(GURGLING) (WHIMPERS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) (GURGLING) Uh-oh! (GURGLING) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) (BELL DINGS) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (LAUGHING) -(FLASHBULB CLICKING) -(GURGLING) (GASPING) (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) -(SAC POPS) -(GASPS AND GROWLS) (GURGLES) (HORNS HONKING) -(TIRE SKIDDING) -(GURGLING) -(BRAKES SCREECHING) -(HORN HONKS) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GRUNTING) (GROANING) (GURGLING) (GRUNTING) (GURGLING) (BUBBLING) (GURGLING AND GRUNTING) (GURGLING AND GIGGLING) (WHISTLES) (CLANGING) (GURGLING) (GIGGLING) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (GURGLING) (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS AND GURGLES) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GIGGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GASPS) (CRYING) (GASPS) (RETCHES AND SOBS) (SQUEALS) (GURGLES) (CRYING) (SUCKING) (CRYING) (DOOR CHIME RINGING) (CRYING) (BELL DINGS) (CRYING) (GRUMBLES) (GRUMBLES) (CHUCKLING) (GROWLING) (DOOR CHIME RINGS) (GRUMBLING) (CRYING) (BURPS) (GIGGLING) (WHISTLES) (GIGGLING) (GROWLING) (GRUMBLING) (WHISTLING) (SLURPING) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (GURGLES) (COOING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (LAUGHING) (GURGLING) (COOING) (GURGLES) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (RAPID GURGLING) (BEEPING AND CLICKING) (ALARMS BLARING) (GURGLING AND COOING) (GURGLING) (RUMBLING) (GURGLING) -(ALARM BLARING) -(GURGLING) (GRUNTING AND GURGLING) (GURGLING) (KNOCKING) (GURGLES) (COOING) (CLANGING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ON RADIO) (GRUMBLES) (GRUMBLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (PIANO JAZZ PLAYING) (CHITTERING AND CLICKING) (LAUGHING) (THUMPING) -Hey, move it, buddy.
-(SPEAKER CLICKS) -(CLICKS) -What are you, deaf? -(SPEAKER CLICKS) -Oh, you have got to be kidding-- You'll find me In a sea of dreams Where no one cares about my words I hear her voice She laughs now She loves me now And always did Boxer versus Raptor, Na-na na-na na-na na-na
-I can't just go to Cannes? -You Cannes not.
Apparently, the French do not care for you ever since you said that thing in the press.
Hey, I stand by my critique of Sartre.
His philosophical arguments helped tyrannical regimes justify overt cruelty.
Also, the French smell and I hate them.
And you can't go to Sundance because Robert Redford hates you.
Someone had to tell him The Horse Whisperer was offensive.
Sorry, but real horses don't just do whatever someone says.
And that's why you need to go to this festival.
(SIGHS) If you say so.
The Pacific Ocean Film Fest, or POFF, is the biggest underwater film festival in the world.
You make a splash there, people are going to notice.
Fine.
All you need to do is get to the premiere on time, 8:00.
Walk the red carpet, wave at the crowd, kiss some fish babies.
(GROANS) Fish.
They're so annoying.
-(SQUEAKING) -Sorry, lady.
No habla fish talk.
You need to be sensitive to their culture.
Things are different down there.
You know what a thumb's up means, right? Yes, I know what a thumb's up means.
I'll be fine.
Oh, I wanted to warn you.
Kelsey Jannings is also going to be at the festival.
-Kelsey? No.
-She has another film there.
I haven't talked to her since she got fired from Secretariat.
Well, luckily you won't have to talk much because you'll both be underwater.
God, I haven't been underwater since my mother tried to drown me in the bathtub when I was 22.
I can't do this, Ana.
I'm sorry.
-Sir.
-I'm getting off.
You can't.
We've already pressurized the cabin.
-Sir, please return to your seat.
-No.
I don't want to do this.
You can't make me.
I'm a land creature.
I don't belong down there.
You can lead me to water, but you cannot make-- -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -Aaaah! (FUNKY ELECTRONIC MUSIC) (HORN HONKING) (GURGLING) (TRILLS) (GURGLING SCREAMS) (GURGLES AND GRUNTS) (INAUDIBLE) (GURGLING) (GURGLES AND BABBLES) (LAUGHING) -Mm-hmm.
-(GURGLING) (WHIMPERS) (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) (GURGLING) Uh-oh! (GURGLING) (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) (BELL DINGS) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (LAUGHING) -(FLASHBULB CLICKING) -(GURGLING) (GASPING) (CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING) -(SAC POPS) -(GASPS AND GROWLS) (GURGLES) (HORNS HONKING) -(TIRE SKIDDING) -(GURGLING) -(BRAKES SCREECHING) -(HORN HONKS) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GRUNTING) (GROANING) (GURGLING) (GRUNTING) (GURGLING) (BUBBLING) (GURGLING AND GRUNTING) (GURGLING AND GIGGLING) (WHISTLES) (CLANGING) (GURGLING) (GIGGLING) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (GURGLING) (GIGGLES) (LAUGHS AND GURGLES) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GIGGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GASPS) (CRYING) (GASPS) (RETCHES AND SOBS) (SQUEALS) (GURGLES) (CRYING) (SUCKING) (CRYING) (DOOR CHIME RINGING) (CRYING) (BELL DINGS) (CRYING) (GRUMBLES) (GRUMBLES) (CHUCKLING) (GROWLING) (DOOR CHIME RINGS) (GRUMBLING) (CRYING) (BURPS) (GIGGLING) (WHISTLES) (GIGGLING) (GROWLING) (GRUMBLING) (WHISTLING) (SLURPING) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (GURGLES) (COOING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (LAUGHING) (GURGLING) (COOING) (GURGLES) (LAUGHING) (GIGGLES) (RAPID GURGLING) (BEEPING AND CLICKING) (ALARMS BLARING) (GURGLING AND COOING) (GURGLING) (RUMBLING) (GURGLING) -(ALARM BLARING) -(GURGLING) (GRUNTING AND GURGLING) (GURGLING) (KNOCKING) (GURGLES) (COOING) (CLANGING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ON RADIO) (GRUMBLES) (GRUMBLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (GURGLING) (PIANO JAZZ PLAYING) (CHITTERING AND CLICKING) (LAUGHING) (THUMPING) -Hey, move it, buddy.
-(SPEAKER CLICKS) -(CLICKS) -What are you, deaf? -(SPEAKER CLICKS) -Oh, you have got to be kidding-- You'll find me In a sea of dreams Where no one cares about my words I hear her voice She laughs now She loves me now And always did Boxer versus Raptor, Na-na na-na na-na na-na