Cold Feet (1997) s03e04 Episode Script
Series 3, Episode 4
(Salsa music over headphones) Oooh l can't wait to get into bed.
Vaya, mi niña! - Oh! lsn't that lovely? - Thank you! So, you'd like a loan of £4,000.
May l ask what for? A baby.
This doesn't involve Romanian orphanages, does it? No.
No! No, we're having treatment.
We've already had one shot, as it were.
And it didn't work out.
And we'd like to give it another go.
l see.
Your account is not with this bank, Mr Williams? No.
So, why haven't you approached them first? With my debts? Joking.
My account's been here for years.
And besides, your advertising says you're in the business of making dreams come true.
Yes.
lt's funny how many people take that at face value.
And it's your dream to have a baby, is it? lsn't it every woman's dream? Excuse me.
lf we wanted to buy a Honda Civic, would we have to justify ourselves like this still? l mean, it's not like we're doing something illegal, like financing a drug deal or hiring a hit man.
Surely the most important thing is that we're .
.
able to pay the money back? We can.
So, are you going to lend us the money? - So the petition's now up to 700 signatures.
- Great.
Admittedly, they're not all real.
Mickey Mouse has signed on 1 5 separate occasions.
As long as no-one from the council looks too closely, it shouldn't matter.
But actually, should we send it to the council or the developers? - David? - Hmm? The petition.
Shall we send it to the council or to the developers? Well, l think we should try to get to 1 ,000 signatures first.
ls that possible? Yeah, l'm sure we can get a few more.
There must be some Donald Ducks we've missed.
Right.
One, we present it to the council Karen! Hi.
Hello, Jessica.
How are you? Fine, fine.
Thank you.
Goodness me.
What on earth is that? Do you want to phone a friend or ask the audience? Josh's school's on holiday.
Someone had to look after the rabbit and you volunteered, didn't you, darling? Won't be for long.
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
(David laughs politely) How are you getting on? Oh, we're making progress.
Right, well, we'll leave you to it.
Come on, darling, let's go and get him some lettuce.
Where were we? David? The developers want to set up a meeting.
Well, l think we should send our best people along.
Well, that would be you and me, then.
TV.
: .
.
a windy day.
Rain clearing to the west.
Sunny spells and showers (Sighs) Hello, Tiger! God! Ooh! Right.
My God, l can smell you from here! Come on.
lt's time for your bath.
- Do you want a hand? - Er No, we'll be all right, won't we? You stay and watch the telly.
lt's your favourite.
- That's Robert's favourite! - Huh? The weather? What? McManaman's past it.
He'd never get into an English team.
That's why he plays in Spain.
Yeah, but for a team that beat Manchester United! Ha! Hey, that's a bit of a high tackle.
So erwhat do you fancy doing tonight? Oh, do you want to take me out, hmm? Show me a good time? Well, l'll take you out.
- Hang on a sec, love.
- Sorry, l didn't know you were on the phone.
lt's OK, it's only Ramona.
Ha! l was wanting to ask you something, only it's a bit delicate.
lf it's about the rent, l get paid on Friday.
Oh, no, no, it's not the rent, no.
l was wondering if you were doing anything tonight.
Yeah, he's taking me out.
Hello! My five-a-side team, we've got a tournament tonight.
Only, our goalie's let us down.
l was wondering if you fancied filling in? Why is that a delicate question? Well, um All the teams are gay.
Do you know, l'd love to, but l promised l'd take Ramona out tonight.
OK.
No worries.
lt was just if you were free.
Sorry about that, love.
So - What do you fancy doing? - You'll let me choose? - Your wish is my command.
- Good.
Cos l want to watch you play gay football.
l'm having lunch with Jenny tomorrow.
Gonna come? There's post for you on the side there.
Oh, right.
So, are you gonna come? - Absolutely.
- Robert will be there.
Oh, no, that's right.
l'm painting my nails.
You know, you could at least try and get to know him.
Why? For Jenny.
lf l bump into him, l'll be civil.
But for Pete's sake, we're never going to be friends.
Very mature of you.
Grazie.
We got the money.
The bank's approved the loan.
Woo-hoo! - Whew! - Excellent.
Hmm.
- Are you sure you want to do this? - lt's a lot of money.
l'm not talking about the money.
Yeah, but it is a lot of money.
lt's four grand, plus the interest.
And there's still only a one-in-five chance of it working.
- l'm not talking about the money.
- What if we fail again? How many times do we go through it? Three times? Four times? Providing they'll give us that much.
Then what are we? Childless and broke.
That's a great future to look forward to, isn't it? We'll stop now if that's what you'd rather, go on holiday.
No.
No.
l'm not ready to give up yet, are you? Mmm, St Lucia would have been nice.
l'd rather go to Skegness with our kid.
Cor! Skeggy! Mm-hm.
Do you think we should name the baby after the bank? - Nat West Williams? - Or Bradley.
Or Bradley.
That's a conversation we haven't had.
And shall be having.
- These don't fit.
They're too big.
My fingers - You'll be fine.
Just relax.
Pete! Look! Someone's coming! The ball! Oh, you let them catch you! Come on! Ref, what's the matter? Open your eyes! Come on, Reds! Come on now, Reds! Look to your left! Look to your left! No! No! (Blows whistle) You are blind! Get up, you soft git! You're having a laugh! Come on! - You blind! You crazy! (Whistle) Oh, no! RAMONA: Baby, you were right.
That was not your fault.
What a stupid man! Oi! (Ramona groans) Yeah! You saved the day! My hero! The photographs of Antarctica are just astonishing, some of my favourites in the book.
When you're taking a picture of somewhere like that, what are you looking for? MAN: Erpenguins.
Don't know, really.
You need something to give you a sense of scale, to convey the smallness of a human being in relation to that landscape.
lNTERVlEWER: lt was in the Antarctic that you developed frostbite.
MAN: Yes, foolish, really.
lt does creep up on you.
l only took my gloves off for a couple of seconds to change lenses.
And your hands get cold and they just never warm up.
The pain is excruciating.
- l can't think of anything worse, frankly.
- You wanna try giving birth to twins, mate.
Well, childbirth, maybe.
But l'll have to take your word for that.
lNTERVlEWER: OK, well, we're going to go to the phones now.
My guest tonight is explorer and photographer Miles Brodie.
lf you'd like to put a question to Miles - Brodie? - .
.
about his adventures in the Antarctic or any other of the countless fascinating places he's been, give us a call.
08081 570980.
That's 08081 570980.
- .
.
570980! - What is your favourite country? OK, l'd like to thank Peter for stepping in at such short notice and playing a blinder.
- Well done, Peter.
- Thanks a lot.
- Where is lan, anyway? - lnjured.
Broke a fingernail.
Occupational hazard, goalkeeping.
Should wear gloves.
- He doesn't believe in protection! - Look, listen up.
This is serious, right? This is the final.
Now, the Queen's Shilling are a good team, especially their number nine.
Watch out for him.
Let's just try and stay with it, shall we? Cos if we can take this through to penalties, Peter just might win it for us.
- Now, come on.
All for one! ALL: And one for all! (Whistle) Yay! Hey.
So, are you going to hang about for another game? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah, but listen.
You watch out for number five.
Because l've seen his last game.
The minute a goalie comes anywhere near him, he dive! - Yeah? - Yeah.
So, er how about a kiss for good luck? Yeah.
Umhow about a proper one? Hmm.
All right, mate? - Have a good one, Peter.
- Cheers.
(Blows whistle) Captain.
Goalie.
- lt's been alleged that you're cheating.
- How can that be? We haven't kicked off yet.
You are a ringer! What's that? You're not gay.
REFEREE: This tournament's for gay teams only.
And l saw you kissing your girlfriend.
She's not my girlfriend, right? Erthat was just for luck.
- With tongues? - Excuse me, you! - He is bisexual, OK? - No! No, l'm not! Give over! Yes! Yes, l am.
Yes.
But l'm just having trouble coming to terms with it, that's all.
Positive discrimination.
Karen, you'll hear the programme over the phone.
Speak when Barbara speaks to you.
- OK, you're on next.
BARBARA: Karen from Manchester.
- Karen, what's your question for Miles? - Hello, Miles.
MlLES: Hi.
My question is this - what is the effect on a dog of inhaling helium? - l'm sorry? - lnhaling helium.
What does it do to a dog? MlLES: (Laughs) - (Laughs) KarenReece? Well, it's Marsden now, actually.
Oh, my God! l don't believe it! Hello, Brodie.
How are you? l'm very well, thank you.
How are you? Well, apart from the frostbite.
So, are you going to er come in for coffee? lf you don't want David and Karen to see, we can go straight to my room.
l'm not sure, Ramona.
What? You don't drink coffee at this time of night? No, no, it's not that.
lt's just Oh.
Ah! So, you really mean it about the coffee? Well, we can start with coffee.
Hmm? Yeah, OK.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Missed a bit.
Really? Ohno! No, no! Come on! - Soap? - Ah! Right, that is enough! Argh! No! - Naughty, naughty, naughty! - No, not the cloth.
Naughty, naughty head with a dishcloth or a nice hat.
How about l stay the night? Oh! Look, Jen, it's a simple concept, really, OK? Me.
Here.
Overnight.
l don't know.
OK, let's try it again.
Robert.
Jenny's house.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
No, l get the concept.
lt's just complicated, you know.
lt's not complicated, Jen.
Adam knows about us.
He's not stupid, you know.
Yeah, but there's a difference between being Mummy's friend and his new dad.
Hey, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
l'm just saying stay the night, not file for adoption.
l just don't want him getting used to you and then we have a bloody great big row, you bugger off and he doesn't know where he is.
Look .
.
l'm not going anywhere, OK? So shut it.
Let me stay.
You're not going anywhere? Well .
.
just upstairs, if you'll let me.
l might.
l might not.
l might.
- l might not.
- Mm-hm? - Oh, bugger it.
- Come on.
(Jenny snoring) Jen.
Mmm Hey! Hey! Hello, Tiger! Um Robert didn't go home last night.
Did you? No.
You've probably already worked that out.
Breakfast, anyone? (Karen laughs) So there was this huge Alsatian, right? Yapping like a Chihuahua.
(Laughs) God, it was funny! l guess you had to be there.
He didn't sound like he'd changed at all, you know.
Let's hope he's grown up a little.
They said they'd give me his number while he's in London.
Thought l might give him a ring.
Mm-hm.
Hey, by the way, l don't think Hector's a boy.
Hector? The rabbit.
How can you tell? Because, my darling, he gave birth during the night.
Six times, actually.
- l don't think he's finished yet.
- Oh, terrific! (Creaking) KAREN: Erno, Josh.
Not that, thank you very much, darling.
Give it to me.
Come on.
Not that.
- Give it to Mummy.
Thank you.
DAVlD: We have to look after all of them? Yeah, just until the end of the holiday.
Then l suppose the school will find them homes.
Well all but one of them.
David, l promised.
DAVlD: Karen (Clattering) KAREN: Ramona! l need you to help me look after the twins.
Morning, Pete.
Come and have some breakfast.
Pete's here.
l didn't hear the doorbell.
Hey! Early visit.
- Aren't you going to work today? - Yeah.
So, what's this? Dress-down Thursday, is it? Ha, ha.
Here.
Have some coffee.
Thanks.
- Help yourself to cereal.
- Cheers.
Ramona! (Whispers) Pete! l think she had someone in her room last night.
l hope it wasn't the bloke from the fishmonger's who sniffs round her.
l don't like the look of him or the smell.
Oh, l oversleep.
Argh! You're still here? Still? He's only just arrived Pete? With Ramona? - Well, they were together at your party.
- Yes, together.
But not shagging.
What happened? She just caught me as l was jumping the wire.
Do you want some cereal? There's hardly any left, though.
The Frosties are Josh's.
- Well, this is all very embarrassing.
- Why? Because it crosses the line between upstairs and downstairs.
l mean, next, she'll be wanting to join us at table! Would you excuse me, please? l could put some toast on, if you like.
No, l'm fine.
How about - No, no.
l'll make some later.
- OK.
DAVlD: Bold as brass at breakfast! Having spent the night in her .
.
room.
Holy shite! Do you think they actually did it? Samba You and your bollocks! l knew you were seeing her.
l didn't know you were wah-hah! Thanks.
So, l suppose Karen told you.
- No, David.
- Then Karen told Rachel.
No, l did.
But Rachel told Jenny.
Oh, really? What was her reaction? Well, shocked, l think.
Followed by feigned indifference.
- Feigned? - That was my take on it.
Not that l was there, of course.
- So - What? - How was it? - What? - You know! - What? Can you possibly conceive that nothing actually happened? ln bed with Ramona? Hmm, interesting.
(Moans of pleasure) No.
Well, it didn't.
Nothing happened! Ha ha! Condoms! l told you to carry condoms! That wasn't it! No, no, Ramona would have them, yeah.
So, what was it? Well, nothing went wrong, it just wentdifferent.
What do you mean, different? Ramona, you're a very attractive woman.
Oh, God.
This doesn't sound very good.
lt's just that l l don't feel l'm ready for this.
OK.
Do you want to talk about it some? So we did.
You talked some? All night.
- All night? - We had a lot to discuss! - You know what you need, don't you? - That came up in the conversation.
And Ramona's right up for it.
Well Hi-energy dance - This is a gay bar.
- Yeah.
lt's all right, innit? - Peter! - Hey! Two nights running! Getting in touch with your dark side, are you? l left my credit card behind the bar.
His hands are legendary round these parts.
l'm Max.
Adam.
- Ooh! The strong, silent type.
- Hmm! Just tell him you're not gay.
l'm not gay.
Ooh! Déjà vu! lt's what my last three boyfriends said.
Hey! Have you phoned number nine yet? Phoned him? l've had him! (TV on) Hi.
He's in bed.
Will you read him a story? Can't you do it? Yeah, yeah, l can, but he's asked for you.
But this is about e-commerce.
l've got to watch this.
Right.
Good.
- Hey, what are you doing? - Robert You can't have it both ways.
What do you mean? You know, there are responsibilities when you're dealing with a kid.
Hey, lighten up, Jen, l'm not his dad.
No, no, you're not.
You're his best friend, which is much better.
You get to buy him presents.
You don't have to tell him off.
Great.
Lucky you.
l mean, l've taken a bit of a risk, letting you get your feet under our table.
And l don't mind getting hurt.
Whatever, l'll live with it.
But l'm telling you, if you betray his trust, God! lt's just there's a little boy up there, you know, and he's investing in you.
OK.
Postman Pat, here l come.
lt's Thomas The Tank Engine.
Great guys.
l wouldn't mind playing football with them.
- No.
- Cos they're gay? - Cos they're my friends.
- What? You've always done this! When we were at school, l made friends.
You took them away.
l had a hobby.
You always did it better than me.
l'm not even gonna start on Jenny.
- Pete, what? - No! The way you behaved in there, flirting, - was absolutely outrageous.
- l was not! That Simon bloke thought you were making eyes at him.
What? Simon the architect? God, you're such a tart! Sure, you know l'd never cheat on you.
Piss off.
Tell you what, though, that Simon does have lovely eyes.
So, how come he's disappeared off the radar all these years? Well, he's been travelling, l suppose.
That's what travel photographers do.
- Oh, Karen.
Nice job! - l know.
What exotic location is he off to next, then? Manchester.
Apparently, he's got some business up here.
Said he'd look me up, show me his portfolio.
ls that like the modern equivalent of etchings? - ls he an old flame, then? - No.
Not really.
We were just friends at university.
Shared similar interests.
ALL: Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Out! Out! Out! RACHEL: You were a member of the Socialist Workers'Party? KAREN: Yeah.
Local treasurer.
Not that we ever had much money.
lt was just a phase l went through, really.
l'd given up trying to smash the system when l met you.
Too right.
You were working for an ad agency! - l know.
- So you weren't ever, you know, together? Oh, yeah.
We were often together.
(Shrieks with pleasure) There's nothing like a good riot to make you horny! We were just never an item.
Being in a couple was boring, wasn't it? That was what middle-aged people did.
Get married, settle down, have three kids.
Right.
Right, who are we seeing? Paul Colgate and Maureen Banks.
He's director, she's in charge of the supermarket development.
Excuse me, David.
A question, if l may.
ls it quick? Well, it's like this.
l really don't mind shutting the wool shop for an hour or two.
And Winifred Sullivan said she might be able to pop in later on after she's been for the check-up on her artificial hip.
Yes, yes, what's your point, exactly? Well, why am l here? To provide a psychological edge.
Oh, dear.
lt's in a book l read on management techniques.
The opposition send two people to the meeting, we send three for a numerical advantage.
l see.
Andwhat do l have to say, exactly? Nothing.
On no account are you to say a word.
ln fact, pretend you're mute.
And Maureen's setting up this particular project.
Ooh, what a lovely view! l wonder if you can see my shop.
Eleanor, perhaps you'd like to come and sit next to me? Ah, and this is the rest of our team.
There's Alan Hewitt and Rebecca Sanders.
(Whispers) Damn! They must have read the same book.
- (Coughing) - Barry Kemp for Dr Grover! (Coughing and wheezing) Well, this is the place to come to if you want to get sick.
What does she want to see us for, anyway? l don't know.
Just called us in.
At least while we're here, we can set up the next round of turkey basting.
Sorry.
Do you remember when you were young? ln doctors' waiting rooms, there always used to be a kid with a saucepan stuck on his head.
On telly.
You don't see that any more.
Non-stick pans, l suppose.
Rachel Bradley and Adam Williams.
Hiya.
Come to pick Adam up? Right.
Well, l'll just see if he's ready.
Hiya! How are you? - What's he doing here? - What are you talking about? - Moved in yet, has he? - Don't be daft! Then, why are you playing happy families? Hello, Pete! My life! Hello! My life! My son! Calling him Daddy yet, is he? No! He's calling him Robert, cos that's his name! He's being a damn sight more grown-up than you.
Anyway, l hear you're shagging Ramona! So what if l am? Um You all right, love? Right, be good for Daddy.
Love you.
Come on, then.
Cor! Look at you, eh? You'll be playing for England next! That must have set Mummy back a bit.
Robert buyed it.
Ah.
l wanted to see you together because this affects you both.
Before you embarked on the course of lCSl, we didn't perform any tests on Rachel.
Well, we didn't need to.
lt's because of me we're here.
Yeah.
We know l can get pregnant.
Yes.
lt's always best to check these things, though.
Which is why, after we knew the lCSl had failed, we did.
l'm afraid there's a problem.
You're suffering from a condition known as partial Asherman's.
Sorry? Well, it's extremely rare.
But sometimes, during the curettage stage of the D&C following a termination, the lining of the womb can be damaged.
As a result, little adhesions can develop, which cause the walls of the uterus to stick together.
lf this happens, then the chances of conceiving again are extremely remote.
Well, um Can't it be cured? There is a procedure.
But l'm afraid there's no guarantee of success.
ln fact, l would be misleading you if l were to give you any cause to think that this condition can be overcome.
ADAM: So, um Wait, wait.
What about the lCSl? Can the egg not be fertilised outside and put back into Rachel? DOCTOR: The sperm you banked is healthy, yes.
But the apparatus to sustain pregnancy just does not exist.
l'm sorry, Rachel.
This should have been spotted before.
l can't have children? lt would be most unlikely.
Do you want to go somewhere and talk about this? l should be getting back to work.
Me, too.
OK, well, tonight.
Yeah.
The research speaks for itself.
78% of those polled support better shopping facilities in this part of Altrincham.
l'm sorry, Mr Marsden, but the people are behind us, not you.
Hmm.
Let's look at this research a little closer.
- The opinion poll - Conducted by an independent company.
Paid by you.
.
.
posed the question, ''Would you support better shopping facilities in Altrincham?'' Well, l mean, who wouldn't? l'm surprised that only 78% said yes.
Nowhere is it mentioned that in order to provide these so-called ''better shopping facilities,'' a children's playground would have to be bulldozed.
Did you tell them about that? As a measure of public opinion, this document is worthless.
Whereas this petition truly represents the views of the local residents.
1 ,1 34 individual names and addresses.
This is the will of the people, Mr Colgate.
And your company ignores it at its peril.
- Argh! - Peril is the word! Because the people are not about to fall silent on this issue.
lf you press ahead with these plans, you will meet opposition at every turn.
When you arrive for work, there will be pickets outside this building.
Local residents will occupy the playgrounds and lie down in front of your bulldozers.
Children will padlock themselves to the climbing frames.
- You'll need wire-cutters to release them.
- Bet you'd like that on the six o'clock news! Our MP will lobby the Secretary of State and we will seek a judicial review.
Oh, and we shall write to each and every one of your shareholders.
l believe that your next AGM is at the end of July.
Well, it's amazing what a bit of bad publicity can do to your share price.
And when the stocks are falling, who will be the first victim? The British Empire underestimated Mahatma Gandhi.
Don't make the same mistake.
We are a problem you do not need.
- You were magnificent! - You were masterful! And you, Eleanor, played it just right.
- l didn't do anything! - That's right.
You were perfect.
Let's go and celebrate.
- Taxi! - l ought to be getting back to the shop.
Oh.
Fair enough.
Well done! Well done! No! l can't go through with this! - Yes, you can! Yes, you can! - No! - Take us to a hotel! - No! l've never l've never been unfaithful to Karen.
DAVlD: Put me down here, will you? l'm sorry.
- Well, that's that, then.
- Yes.
The battle is over.
The war is won.
We've got no reason to keep seeing each other.
Unless you'd consider joining the Labour Party.
You know, l don't think the Labour Party is quite me.
Right.
Well Goodbye, then.
Lunch.
l meanno harm in lunch, is there? No, no.
Yeah, l'd like that.
Well, you've got my card.
Call me.
Philip.
Don't mention Jenny.
Don't think of Jenny.
Jenny is in the past.
Jenny no longer exists.
That'll be Jennyer, Ramona.
That'll be Ramona.
Yes.
Do you ever wonder how your life might be different? DEBUSS Y: Clair De Lune What do you mean? Well, you know, if you'd made different choices in your life.
The road less travelled.
l haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
Well, say we hadn't met.
- We did meet.
- Yeah, but say we hadn't.
l was quite a different person before you came along.
Yeah, your hippy-dippy phase.
All kaftans and Jethro Tull.
l've never done much with my life.
Never travelled.
We went skiing last year.
David, skiing's not travelling.
l'm talking about the Himalayas, K2.
That sort of thing.
You? l might have done if l was with Brodie.
DAVlD: Oh, yeah, l can see that! (Howling wind) (Shouts) Where's my lip balm? What? My strawberry lip balm! Where is it? Oh, piss off! RAMONA: Hi! KAREN: Hi, Ramona.
Have a nice evening? Yeah.
l see Pete.
- Oh, yeah? - How was it? Well l don't think this is this is working, no? No, no, no.
lt will.
Just give it time.
Pete, l'm sorry, but l can't do this any more! - This? - Yeah, this.
- You know, this threesome.
- What? You, me, Jenny.
RAMONA: No, Pete and l, we decided to call it a night.
- No.
You've called it a day.
- l'm sorry, Ramona.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Anyway, good night.
At least that saves any further embarrassment over breakfast.
God Almighty! To think l once wanted to smash the class system.
ls there no chance she can get pregnant? Not unless you believe in miracles.
Oh, God, l'm so sorry.
Mmm.
l wouldn't even dump this on you but you know what Pete's like.
So, how's it going with the UVF? lVF.
l'm borderline impotent, not a member of the loyalist paramilitaries.
Oh-ho! The trivia machine's free.
Come on, £20 jackpot.
JENNY: Oh, dear.
ADAM: (Laughs) Well, l'm listening.
How's Rachel? Rachel! We're not talking at the moment.
l think you should talk about it.
We did, last night.
That's why we're not talking at the moment.
Do you blame me? Blame you? No, l don't blame you.
All the same, it makes you think.
What? Well, you know Say it.
Say it! JENNY: Do you blame her? She was pregnant, maybe with my baby.
She had an abortion.
Now we can't have children.
Don't you think l've got reason to blame her? lt's enough to make you believe there's a God.
Yeah.
Certainly a Catholic one.
- Oh.
(Scrabbling) lt's the school bunny.
There are so many of them.
Yeah, l know.
They breed like rabbits.
Rachel, l'm so sorry.
Do you want me to put them outside? (Laughs) The thing is .
.
l can live with destroying my own life.
But destroying Adam's? You are not destroying Adam's life.
l so wanted to be a father.
l wanted to be a daddy.
The first Williams to play for Man United.
Carlisle United would have done.
Now, your man there is the closest l'll get to handing my name down.
l had lunch with Brodie today.
How was it? lnteresting.
l was really worried before we met.
l was frightened l'd be resentful of my life, jealous of his.
- Been to Mongolia? - Um No.
l think l'd remember if l had.
Fabulous country.
You should go.
With three children under the age of four? RACHEL: And are you? - You look fantastic.
KAREN: No.
Our lives are different, that's all.
He gets to travel the world.
Never spends more than a week in one place.
But he hasn't got a home.
l suppose what l'm saying is, there's no point in regretting the choices you made in your life.
Because at the time you made them, they seemed like the only option.
You can't control what follows.
l've got to go.
l need to see Adam.
(Thud) - Shit! l think l've just killed a rabbit.
You know, it's crossed my mind to leave her, walk away.
Maybe there's someone else out there l could fall in love with.
Maybe we could have children.
That's not what a nice person does.
A nice person doesn't do that.
You're bound to think that.
Everyone would.
ROBERT: They didn't have any Leerdammer, so l got Emmenthal instead.
Can l five minutes? Do you want to come and give me a hand? Yeah? Come on.
l have got some chocolate ice cream for you.
(Door closes) He's got a key? - Not all the time.
- Ah, jeez, Jenny! When did we all start making such a bollocks of our lives? Don't know.
Weren't concentrating and it just caught up with us, l think.
No.
We did it to ourselves.
Hey you.
l don't think it's right that l stop you from having a family.
l think we should split up.
Marry me.
Vaya, mi niña! - Oh! lsn't that lovely? - Thank you! So, you'd like a loan of £4,000.
May l ask what for? A baby.
This doesn't involve Romanian orphanages, does it? No.
No! No, we're having treatment.
We've already had one shot, as it were.
And it didn't work out.
And we'd like to give it another go.
l see.
Your account is not with this bank, Mr Williams? No.
So, why haven't you approached them first? With my debts? Joking.
My account's been here for years.
And besides, your advertising says you're in the business of making dreams come true.
Yes.
lt's funny how many people take that at face value.
And it's your dream to have a baby, is it? lsn't it every woman's dream? Excuse me.
lf we wanted to buy a Honda Civic, would we have to justify ourselves like this still? l mean, it's not like we're doing something illegal, like financing a drug deal or hiring a hit man.
Surely the most important thing is that we're .
.
able to pay the money back? We can.
So, are you going to lend us the money? - So the petition's now up to 700 signatures.
- Great.
Admittedly, they're not all real.
Mickey Mouse has signed on 1 5 separate occasions.
As long as no-one from the council looks too closely, it shouldn't matter.
But actually, should we send it to the council or the developers? - David? - Hmm? The petition.
Shall we send it to the council or to the developers? Well, l think we should try to get to 1 ,000 signatures first.
ls that possible? Yeah, l'm sure we can get a few more.
There must be some Donald Ducks we've missed.
Right.
One, we present it to the council Karen! Hi.
Hello, Jessica.
How are you? Fine, fine.
Thank you.
Goodness me.
What on earth is that? Do you want to phone a friend or ask the audience? Josh's school's on holiday.
Someone had to look after the rabbit and you volunteered, didn't you, darling? Won't be for long.
Hare today, gone tomorrow.
(David laughs politely) How are you getting on? Oh, we're making progress.
Right, well, we'll leave you to it.
Come on, darling, let's go and get him some lettuce.
Where were we? David? The developers want to set up a meeting.
Well, l think we should send our best people along.
Well, that would be you and me, then.
TV.
: .
.
a windy day.
Rain clearing to the west.
Sunny spells and showers (Sighs) Hello, Tiger! God! Ooh! Right.
My God, l can smell you from here! Come on.
lt's time for your bath.
- Do you want a hand? - Er No, we'll be all right, won't we? You stay and watch the telly.
lt's your favourite.
- That's Robert's favourite! - Huh? The weather? What? McManaman's past it.
He'd never get into an English team.
That's why he plays in Spain.
Yeah, but for a team that beat Manchester United! Ha! Hey, that's a bit of a high tackle.
So erwhat do you fancy doing tonight? Oh, do you want to take me out, hmm? Show me a good time? Well, l'll take you out.
- Hang on a sec, love.
- Sorry, l didn't know you were on the phone.
lt's OK, it's only Ramona.
Ha! l was wanting to ask you something, only it's a bit delicate.
lf it's about the rent, l get paid on Friday.
Oh, no, no, it's not the rent, no.
l was wondering if you were doing anything tonight.
Yeah, he's taking me out.
Hello! My five-a-side team, we've got a tournament tonight.
Only, our goalie's let us down.
l was wondering if you fancied filling in? Why is that a delicate question? Well, um All the teams are gay.
Do you know, l'd love to, but l promised l'd take Ramona out tonight.
OK.
No worries.
lt was just if you were free.
Sorry about that, love.
So - What do you fancy doing? - You'll let me choose? - Your wish is my command.
- Good.
Cos l want to watch you play gay football.
l'm having lunch with Jenny tomorrow.
Gonna come? There's post for you on the side there.
Oh, right.
So, are you gonna come? - Absolutely.
- Robert will be there.
Oh, no, that's right.
l'm painting my nails.
You know, you could at least try and get to know him.
Why? For Jenny.
lf l bump into him, l'll be civil.
But for Pete's sake, we're never going to be friends.
Very mature of you.
Grazie.
We got the money.
The bank's approved the loan.
Woo-hoo! - Whew! - Excellent.
Hmm.
- Are you sure you want to do this? - lt's a lot of money.
l'm not talking about the money.
Yeah, but it is a lot of money.
lt's four grand, plus the interest.
And there's still only a one-in-five chance of it working.
- l'm not talking about the money.
- What if we fail again? How many times do we go through it? Three times? Four times? Providing they'll give us that much.
Then what are we? Childless and broke.
That's a great future to look forward to, isn't it? We'll stop now if that's what you'd rather, go on holiday.
No.
No.
l'm not ready to give up yet, are you? Mmm, St Lucia would have been nice.
l'd rather go to Skegness with our kid.
Cor! Skeggy! Mm-hm.
Do you think we should name the baby after the bank? - Nat West Williams? - Or Bradley.
Or Bradley.
That's a conversation we haven't had.
And shall be having.
- These don't fit.
They're too big.
My fingers - You'll be fine.
Just relax.
Pete! Look! Someone's coming! The ball! Oh, you let them catch you! Come on! Ref, what's the matter? Open your eyes! Come on, Reds! Come on now, Reds! Look to your left! Look to your left! No! No! (Blows whistle) You are blind! Get up, you soft git! You're having a laugh! Come on! - You blind! You crazy! (Whistle) Oh, no! RAMONA: Baby, you were right.
That was not your fault.
What a stupid man! Oi! (Ramona groans) Yeah! You saved the day! My hero! The photographs of Antarctica are just astonishing, some of my favourites in the book.
When you're taking a picture of somewhere like that, what are you looking for? MAN: Erpenguins.
Don't know, really.
You need something to give you a sense of scale, to convey the smallness of a human being in relation to that landscape.
lNTERVlEWER: lt was in the Antarctic that you developed frostbite.
MAN: Yes, foolish, really.
lt does creep up on you.
l only took my gloves off for a couple of seconds to change lenses.
And your hands get cold and they just never warm up.
The pain is excruciating.
- l can't think of anything worse, frankly.
- You wanna try giving birth to twins, mate.
Well, childbirth, maybe.
But l'll have to take your word for that.
lNTERVlEWER: OK, well, we're going to go to the phones now.
My guest tonight is explorer and photographer Miles Brodie.
lf you'd like to put a question to Miles - Brodie? - .
.
about his adventures in the Antarctic or any other of the countless fascinating places he's been, give us a call.
08081 570980.
That's 08081 570980.
- .
.
570980! - What is your favourite country? OK, l'd like to thank Peter for stepping in at such short notice and playing a blinder.
- Well done, Peter.
- Thanks a lot.
- Where is lan, anyway? - lnjured.
Broke a fingernail.
Occupational hazard, goalkeeping.
Should wear gloves.
- He doesn't believe in protection! - Look, listen up.
This is serious, right? This is the final.
Now, the Queen's Shilling are a good team, especially their number nine.
Watch out for him.
Let's just try and stay with it, shall we? Cos if we can take this through to penalties, Peter just might win it for us.
- Now, come on.
All for one! ALL: And one for all! (Whistle) Yay! Hey.
So, are you going to hang about for another game? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah, but listen.
You watch out for number five.
Because l've seen his last game.
The minute a goalie comes anywhere near him, he dive! - Yeah? - Yeah.
So, er how about a kiss for good luck? Yeah.
Umhow about a proper one? Hmm.
All right, mate? - Have a good one, Peter.
- Cheers.
(Blows whistle) Captain.
Goalie.
- lt's been alleged that you're cheating.
- How can that be? We haven't kicked off yet.
You are a ringer! What's that? You're not gay.
REFEREE: This tournament's for gay teams only.
And l saw you kissing your girlfriend.
She's not my girlfriend, right? Erthat was just for luck.
- With tongues? - Excuse me, you! - He is bisexual, OK? - No! No, l'm not! Give over! Yes! Yes, l am.
Yes.
But l'm just having trouble coming to terms with it, that's all.
Positive discrimination.
Karen, you'll hear the programme over the phone.
Speak when Barbara speaks to you.
- OK, you're on next.
BARBARA: Karen from Manchester.
- Karen, what's your question for Miles? - Hello, Miles.
MlLES: Hi.
My question is this - what is the effect on a dog of inhaling helium? - l'm sorry? - lnhaling helium.
What does it do to a dog? MlLES: (Laughs) - (Laughs) KarenReece? Well, it's Marsden now, actually.
Oh, my God! l don't believe it! Hello, Brodie.
How are you? l'm very well, thank you.
How are you? Well, apart from the frostbite.
So, are you going to er come in for coffee? lf you don't want David and Karen to see, we can go straight to my room.
l'm not sure, Ramona.
What? You don't drink coffee at this time of night? No, no, it's not that.
lt's just Oh.
Ah! So, you really mean it about the coffee? Well, we can start with coffee.
Hmm? Yeah, OK.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Missed a bit.
Really? Ohno! No, no! Come on! - Soap? - Ah! Right, that is enough! Argh! No! - Naughty, naughty, naughty! - No, not the cloth.
Naughty, naughty head with a dishcloth or a nice hat.
How about l stay the night? Oh! Look, Jen, it's a simple concept, really, OK? Me.
Here.
Overnight.
l don't know.
OK, let's try it again.
Robert.
Jenny's house.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
No, l get the concept.
lt's just complicated, you know.
lt's not complicated, Jen.
Adam knows about us.
He's not stupid, you know.
Yeah, but there's a difference between being Mummy's friend and his new dad.
Hey, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
l'm just saying stay the night, not file for adoption.
l just don't want him getting used to you and then we have a bloody great big row, you bugger off and he doesn't know where he is.
Look .
.
l'm not going anywhere, OK? So shut it.
Let me stay.
You're not going anywhere? Well .
.
just upstairs, if you'll let me.
l might.
l might not.
l might.
- l might not.
- Mm-hm? - Oh, bugger it.
- Come on.
(Jenny snoring) Jen.
Mmm Hey! Hey! Hello, Tiger! Um Robert didn't go home last night.
Did you? No.
You've probably already worked that out.
Breakfast, anyone? (Karen laughs) So there was this huge Alsatian, right? Yapping like a Chihuahua.
(Laughs) God, it was funny! l guess you had to be there.
He didn't sound like he'd changed at all, you know.
Let's hope he's grown up a little.
They said they'd give me his number while he's in London.
Thought l might give him a ring.
Mm-hm.
Hey, by the way, l don't think Hector's a boy.
Hector? The rabbit.
How can you tell? Because, my darling, he gave birth during the night.
Six times, actually.
- l don't think he's finished yet.
- Oh, terrific! (Creaking) KAREN: Erno, Josh.
Not that, thank you very much, darling.
Give it to me.
Come on.
Not that.
- Give it to Mummy.
Thank you.
DAVlD: We have to look after all of them? Yeah, just until the end of the holiday.
Then l suppose the school will find them homes.
Well all but one of them.
David, l promised.
DAVlD: Karen (Clattering) KAREN: Ramona! l need you to help me look after the twins.
Morning, Pete.
Come and have some breakfast.
Pete's here.
l didn't hear the doorbell.
Hey! Early visit.
- Aren't you going to work today? - Yeah.
So, what's this? Dress-down Thursday, is it? Ha, ha.
Here.
Have some coffee.
Thanks.
- Help yourself to cereal.
- Cheers.
Ramona! (Whispers) Pete! l think she had someone in her room last night.
l hope it wasn't the bloke from the fishmonger's who sniffs round her.
l don't like the look of him or the smell.
Oh, l oversleep.
Argh! You're still here? Still? He's only just arrived Pete? With Ramona? - Well, they were together at your party.
- Yes, together.
But not shagging.
What happened? She just caught me as l was jumping the wire.
Do you want some cereal? There's hardly any left, though.
The Frosties are Josh's.
- Well, this is all very embarrassing.
- Why? Because it crosses the line between upstairs and downstairs.
l mean, next, she'll be wanting to join us at table! Would you excuse me, please? l could put some toast on, if you like.
No, l'm fine.
How about - No, no.
l'll make some later.
- OK.
DAVlD: Bold as brass at breakfast! Having spent the night in her .
.
room.
Holy shite! Do you think they actually did it? Samba You and your bollocks! l knew you were seeing her.
l didn't know you were wah-hah! Thanks.
So, l suppose Karen told you.
- No, David.
- Then Karen told Rachel.
No, l did.
But Rachel told Jenny.
Oh, really? What was her reaction? Well, shocked, l think.
Followed by feigned indifference.
- Feigned? - That was my take on it.
Not that l was there, of course.
- So - What? - How was it? - What? - You know! - What? Can you possibly conceive that nothing actually happened? ln bed with Ramona? Hmm, interesting.
(Moans of pleasure) No.
Well, it didn't.
Nothing happened! Ha ha! Condoms! l told you to carry condoms! That wasn't it! No, no, Ramona would have them, yeah.
So, what was it? Well, nothing went wrong, it just wentdifferent.
What do you mean, different? Ramona, you're a very attractive woman.
Oh, God.
This doesn't sound very good.
lt's just that l l don't feel l'm ready for this.
OK.
Do you want to talk about it some? So we did.
You talked some? All night.
- All night? - We had a lot to discuss! - You know what you need, don't you? - That came up in the conversation.
And Ramona's right up for it.
Well Hi-energy dance - This is a gay bar.
- Yeah.
lt's all right, innit? - Peter! - Hey! Two nights running! Getting in touch with your dark side, are you? l left my credit card behind the bar.
His hands are legendary round these parts.
l'm Max.
Adam.
- Ooh! The strong, silent type.
- Hmm! Just tell him you're not gay.
l'm not gay.
Ooh! Déjà vu! lt's what my last three boyfriends said.
Hey! Have you phoned number nine yet? Phoned him? l've had him! (TV on) Hi.
He's in bed.
Will you read him a story? Can't you do it? Yeah, yeah, l can, but he's asked for you.
But this is about e-commerce.
l've got to watch this.
Right.
Good.
- Hey, what are you doing? - Robert You can't have it both ways.
What do you mean? You know, there are responsibilities when you're dealing with a kid.
Hey, lighten up, Jen, l'm not his dad.
No, no, you're not.
You're his best friend, which is much better.
You get to buy him presents.
You don't have to tell him off.
Great.
Lucky you.
l mean, l've taken a bit of a risk, letting you get your feet under our table.
And l don't mind getting hurt.
Whatever, l'll live with it.
But l'm telling you, if you betray his trust, God! lt's just there's a little boy up there, you know, and he's investing in you.
OK.
Postman Pat, here l come.
lt's Thomas The Tank Engine.
Great guys.
l wouldn't mind playing football with them.
- No.
- Cos they're gay? - Cos they're my friends.
- What? You've always done this! When we were at school, l made friends.
You took them away.
l had a hobby.
You always did it better than me.
l'm not even gonna start on Jenny.
- Pete, what? - No! The way you behaved in there, flirting, - was absolutely outrageous.
- l was not! That Simon bloke thought you were making eyes at him.
What? Simon the architect? God, you're such a tart! Sure, you know l'd never cheat on you.
Piss off.
Tell you what, though, that Simon does have lovely eyes.
So, how come he's disappeared off the radar all these years? Well, he's been travelling, l suppose.
That's what travel photographers do.
- Oh, Karen.
Nice job! - l know.
What exotic location is he off to next, then? Manchester.
Apparently, he's got some business up here.
Said he'd look me up, show me his portfolio.
ls that like the modern equivalent of etchings? - ls he an old flame, then? - No.
Not really.
We were just friends at university.
Shared similar interests.
ALL: Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Out! Maggie! Maggie! Maggie! Out! Out! Out! RACHEL: You were a member of the Socialist Workers'Party? KAREN: Yeah.
Local treasurer.
Not that we ever had much money.
lt was just a phase l went through, really.
l'd given up trying to smash the system when l met you.
Too right.
You were working for an ad agency! - l know.
- So you weren't ever, you know, together? Oh, yeah.
We were often together.
(Shrieks with pleasure) There's nothing like a good riot to make you horny! We were just never an item.
Being in a couple was boring, wasn't it? That was what middle-aged people did.
Get married, settle down, have three kids.
Right.
Right, who are we seeing? Paul Colgate and Maureen Banks.
He's director, she's in charge of the supermarket development.
Excuse me, David.
A question, if l may.
ls it quick? Well, it's like this.
l really don't mind shutting the wool shop for an hour or two.
And Winifred Sullivan said she might be able to pop in later on after she's been for the check-up on her artificial hip.
Yes, yes, what's your point, exactly? Well, why am l here? To provide a psychological edge.
Oh, dear.
lt's in a book l read on management techniques.
The opposition send two people to the meeting, we send three for a numerical advantage.
l see.
Andwhat do l have to say, exactly? Nothing.
On no account are you to say a word.
ln fact, pretend you're mute.
And Maureen's setting up this particular project.
Ooh, what a lovely view! l wonder if you can see my shop.
Eleanor, perhaps you'd like to come and sit next to me? Ah, and this is the rest of our team.
There's Alan Hewitt and Rebecca Sanders.
(Whispers) Damn! They must have read the same book.
- (Coughing) - Barry Kemp for Dr Grover! (Coughing and wheezing) Well, this is the place to come to if you want to get sick.
What does she want to see us for, anyway? l don't know.
Just called us in.
At least while we're here, we can set up the next round of turkey basting.
Sorry.
Do you remember when you were young? ln doctors' waiting rooms, there always used to be a kid with a saucepan stuck on his head.
On telly.
You don't see that any more.
Non-stick pans, l suppose.
Rachel Bradley and Adam Williams.
Hiya.
Come to pick Adam up? Right.
Well, l'll just see if he's ready.
Hiya! How are you? - What's he doing here? - What are you talking about? - Moved in yet, has he? - Don't be daft! Then, why are you playing happy families? Hello, Pete! My life! Hello! My life! My son! Calling him Daddy yet, is he? No! He's calling him Robert, cos that's his name! He's being a damn sight more grown-up than you.
Anyway, l hear you're shagging Ramona! So what if l am? Um You all right, love? Right, be good for Daddy.
Love you.
Come on, then.
Cor! Look at you, eh? You'll be playing for England next! That must have set Mummy back a bit.
Robert buyed it.
Ah.
l wanted to see you together because this affects you both.
Before you embarked on the course of lCSl, we didn't perform any tests on Rachel.
Well, we didn't need to.
lt's because of me we're here.
Yeah.
We know l can get pregnant.
Yes.
lt's always best to check these things, though.
Which is why, after we knew the lCSl had failed, we did.
l'm afraid there's a problem.
You're suffering from a condition known as partial Asherman's.
Sorry? Well, it's extremely rare.
But sometimes, during the curettage stage of the D&C following a termination, the lining of the womb can be damaged.
As a result, little adhesions can develop, which cause the walls of the uterus to stick together.
lf this happens, then the chances of conceiving again are extremely remote.
Well, um Can't it be cured? There is a procedure.
But l'm afraid there's no guarantee of success.
ln fact, l would be misleading you if l were to give you any cause to think that this condition can be overcome.
ADAM: So, um Wait, wait.
What about the lCSl? Can the egg not be fertilised outside and put back into Rachel? DOCTOR: The sperm you banked is healthy, yes.
But the apparatus to sustain pregnancy just does not exist.
l'm sorry, Rachel.
This should have been spotted before.
l can't have children? lt would be most unlikely.
Do you want to go somewhere and talk about this? l should be getting back to work.
Me, too.
OK, well, tonight.
Yeah.
The research speaks for itself.
78% of those polled support better shopping facilities in this part of Altrincham.
l'm sorry, Mr Marsden, but the people are behind us, not you.
Hmm.
Let's look at this research a little closer.
- The opinion poll - Conducted by an independent company.
Paid by you.
.
.
posed the question, ''Would you support better shopping facilities in Altrincham?'' Well, l mean, who wouldn't? l'm surprised that only 78% said yes.
Nowhere is it mentioned that in order to provide these so-called ''better shopping facilities,'' a children's playground would have to be bulldozed.
Did you tell them about that? As a measure of public opinion, this document is worthless.
Whereas this petition truly represents the views of the local residents.
1 ,1 34 individual names and addresses.
This is the will of the people, Mr Colgate.
And your company ignores it at its peril.
- Argh! - Peril is the word! Because the people are not about to fall silent on this issue.
lf you press ahead with these plans, you will meet opposition at every turn.
When you arrive for work, there will be pickets outside this building.
Local residents will occupy the playgrounds and lie down in front of your bulldozers.
Children will padlock themselves to the climbing frames.
- You'll need wire-cutters to release them.
- Bet you'd like that on the six o'clock news! Our MP will lobby the Secretary of State and we will seek a judicial review.
Oh, and we shall write to each and every one of your shareholders.
l believe that your next AGM is at the end of July.
Well, it's amazing what a bit of bad publicity can do to your share price.
And when the stocks are falling, who will be the first victim? The British Empire underestimated Mahatma Gandhi.
Don't make the same mistake.
We are a problem you do not need.
- You were magnificent! - You were masterful! And you, Eleanor, played it just right.
- l didn't do anything! - That's right.
You were perfect.
Let's go and celebrate.
- Taxi! - l ought to be getting back to the shop.
Oh.
Fair enough.
Well done! Well done! No! l can't go through with this! - Yes, you can! Yes, you can! - No! - Take us to a hotel! - No! l've never l've never been unfaithful to Karen.
DAVlD: Put me down here, will you? l'm sorry.
- Well, that's that, then.
- Yes.
The battle is over.
The war is won.
We've got no reason to keep seeing each other.
Unless you'd consider joining the Labour Party.
You know, l don't think the Labour Party is quite me.
Right.
Well Goodbye, then.
Lunch.
l meanno harm in lunch, is there? No, no.
Yeah, l'd like that.
Well, you've got my card.
Call me.
Philip.
Don't mention Jenny.
Don't think of Jenny.
Jenny is in the past.
Jenny no longer exists.
That'll be Jennyer, Ramona.
That'll be Ramona.
Yes.
Do you ever wonder how your life might be different? DEBUSS Y: Clair De Lune What do you mean? Well, you know, if you'd made different choices in your life.
The road less travelled.
l haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
Well, say we hadn't met.
- We did meet.
- Yeah, but say we hadn't.
l was quite a different person before you came along.
Yeah, your hippy-dippy phase.
All kaftans and Jethro Tull.
l've never done much with my life.
Never travelled.
We went skiing last year.
David, skiing's not travelling.
l'm talking about the Himalayas, K2.
That sort of thing.
You? l might have done if l was with Brodie.
DAVlD: Oh, yeah, l can see that! (Howling wind) (Shouts) Where's my lip balm? What? My strawberry lip balm! Where is it? Oh, piss off! RAMONA: Hi! KAREN: Hi, Ramona.
Have a nice evening? Yeah.
l see Pete.
- Oh, yeah? - How was it? Well l don't think this is this is working, no? No, no, no.
lt will.
Just give it time.
Pete, l'm sorry, but l can't do this any more! - This? - Yeah, this.
- You know, this threesome.
- What? You, me, Jenny.
RAMONA: No, Pete and l, we decided to call it a night.
- No.
You've called it a day.
- l'm sorry, Ramona.
Ah, don't worry about it.
Anyway, good night.
At least that saves any further embarrassment over breakfast.
God Almighty! To think l once wanted to smash the class system.
ls there no chance she can get pregnant? Not unless you believe in miracles.
Oh, God, l'm so sorry.
Mmm.
l wouldn't even dump this on you but you know what Pete's like.
So, how's it going with the UVF? lVF.
l'm borderline impotent, not a member of the loyalist paramilitaries.
Oh-ho! The trivia machine's free.
Come on, £20 jackpot.
JENNY: Oh, dear.
ADAM: (Laughs) Well, l'm listening.
How's Rachel? Rachel! We're not talking at the moment.
l think you should talk about it.
We did, last night.
That's why we're not talking at the moment.
Do you blame me? Blame you? No, l don't blame you.
All the same, it makes you think.
What? Well, you know Say it.
Say it! JENNY: Do you blame her? She was pregnant, maybe with my baby.
She had an abortion.
Now we can't have children.
Don't you think l've got reason to blame her? lt's enough to make you believe there's a God.
Yeah.
Certainly a Catholic one.
- Oh.
(Scrabbling) lt's the school bunny.
There are so many of them.
Yeah, l know.
They breed like rabbits.
Rachel, l'm so sorry.
Do you want me to put them outside? (Laughs) The thing is .
.
l can live with destroying my own life.
But destroying Adam's? You are not destroying Adam's life.
l so wanted to be a father.
l wanted to be a daddy.
The first Williams to play for Man United.
Carlisle United would have done.
Now, your man there is the closest l'll get to handing my name down.
l had lunch with Brodie today.
How was it? lnteresting.
l was really worried before we met.
l was frightened l'd be resentful of my life, jealous of his.
- Been to Mongolia? - Um No.
l think l'd remember if l had.
Fabulous country.
You should go.
With three children under the age of four? RACHEL: And are you? - You look fantastic.
KAREN: No.
Our lives are different, that's all.
He gets to travel the world.
Never spends more than a week in one place.
But he hasn't got a home.
l suppose what l'm saying is, there's no point in regretting the choices you made in your life.
Because at the time you made them, they seemed like the only option.
You can't control what follows.
l've got to go.
l need to see Adam.
(Thud) - Shit! l think l've just killed a rabbit.
You know, it's crossed my mind to leave her, walk away.
Maybe there's someone else out there l could fall in love with.
Maybe we could have children.
That's not what a nice person does.
A nice person doesn't do that.
You're bound to think that.
Everyone would.
ROBERT: They didn't have any Leerdammer, so l got Emmenthal instead.
Can l five minutes? Do you want to come and give me a hand? Yeah? Come on.
l have got some chocolate ice cream for you.
(Door closes) He's got a key? - Not all the time.
- Ah, jeez, Jenny! When did we all start making such a bollocks of our lives? Don't know.
Weren't concentrating and it just caught up with us, l think.
No.
We did it to ourselves.
Hey you.
l don't think it's right that l stop you from having a family.
l think we should split up.
Marry me.