Dawson's Creek s03e04 Episode Script

The Commodore 64, the lawn dart the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, Super Sugar Crisp the LaserDisc and now, back from the halls of obsolescence - the Betamax machine.
- You are a lifesaver.
Less than 48 hours to become an expert documentarian all my mom's old newsreels are on Beta.
What? Dawson Leery eschewing the ephemeral world of make-believe for the gritty realities of real life? Has the world spun off-course? Was the Dalai Lama at Black Angus? More like my mother's been dangling a big, fat carrot.
Human interest story for the network fell out at the last minute.
- And? - And she says if I can get her raw footage by Friday, there's a chance - it could be on the air that night.
- Hey, the chance of a lifetime.
- That'll make a guy change his vision.
- A temporary change.
When I get my foot in the proverbial door, it's back to make-believe.
I don't know, Dawson.
You got an amazing opportunity here to change your whole genre.
Real-life stories are more compelling than anything you could dream up.
Real life is interesting, but never as dramatic as a well-conceived narrative.
Look at what's happening in your life.
Are you telling me that you could conceive of something more thrilling, more sexy more far-fetched? All right, fine.
Who's your guinea pig? - It's Jack McPhee.
- I get it.
Gay kid joins losing high-school football team overcomes adversity, battles antiquated stereotypes and becomes the star.
If you mess with that story, you're gilding the lily.
It's a great story, but you can't just turn the camera on and let it run.
- Why not? - And hut! That's what's happening here.
Seems pretty interesting.
My mom must've taped over her work.
Honey, this is Dawson.
Can you say hi? - Hi.
- Smile at him.
Is that who I think it is? This is Joey, Dawson.
Can you say hi? Hi, Joey.
Once a heartbreaker, always a heartbreaker, huh, Dawson? Good morning.
Why do you insist on degrading your team colours like that? Well, Grams, the fishnets only come in black and the matching leather whip, it's on back order.
- Oh, Jennifer.
- Come on, Grams.
The entire notion of cheerleading is just a sexist attempt to try and objectify the female body.
- I'm making a statement.
- You're making a mockery.
The mockery has been made.
I am simply pointing it out.
But I don't know how many more pep rallies and spirit cookies I can actually stomach.
Your school has an important game coming up.
Right now, they need your leadership and verve.
Back when I was on the pep squad we relished the opportunity to show off our team spirit by wearing our uniforms to school.
Grams, I hate to break it to you but you were showing off a bit more than just team spirit.
Jennifer.
" Like, oh, my God.
Go, team.
" I thought you'd been possessed by the school-spirit creatures - from planet Overzealous.
- Not yet.
I am thinking about making a run for it before the pods hatch.
- What do you say, Scully? - Cut class with you? Sounds delectable.
I'll pass.
What if I told you that there was a mission to my madness? - Are you serious? - But of course.
The monsieur in the stylish shirt requests the madam for a very pressing appointment, yeah? - What is it? - Well, that would be the surprise part.
- Just tell me, Pacey.
- Let me think about that.
Nope.
Well, fine.
You won't tell me, I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, Little Jo, you're so cute, but friend to friend, honestly check into some "feigning disinterest" classes.
Well, thanks.
But trust me, Pacey, I couldn't care less.
Well, okay.
Whether or not you're actually interested you have about 10 seconds to make up your mind.
Starting now.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Six seconds? Six? I mean, come on, have you no pride? - I thought you'd last at least eight.
- I loathe you.
People are shocked at how you've taken to the game.
Did you love football as a child? I've only been playing football a few weeks.
I think the only subject I know less about is being gay.
I don't know.
Some things are instinct, maybe.
One thing Jack has learned is the importance of starting practice on time.
Go stretch out to run your 40.
Taking a tenth off yesterday doesn't mean you can coast.
- Gotta go, Dawson.
- No problem.
We can take care of the Coach Leery interview.
- What do you say, Dad? - Not now, Dawson.
- But, Dad, it's due tomorrow.
- Dawson, you can get an extension.
Me, I've got a game on Saturday and I need these guys focused on football.
Okay? Pick it up! He wore it in the BC-Miami game.
Spit it out right after throwing the Hail Mary.
When the whistle blew, my brother ran onto the field and grabbed it.
Well, the dude's got some big molars.
They're crowns, actually.
Check out the number two bicuspids.
Remind you of anyone? Hey, what's everybody looking at? Oh, well, apparently, we're looking at Doug Flutie's old mouthpiece.
A mouthpiece? That was actually in his mouth? Well, that's disgusting.
Henry says it's his good-luck charm.
Henry needs his head examined.
What am I gonna do, Jack? I gotta do something.
Jen Lindley, her voice is the sweetest music.
Her very name is fire in my loins.
Just a thought, Henry, but next time you might wanna start by saying hello.
Hey, we missed you this morning at the spirit table.
Where were you? We were worried.
I stayed really late at that pep rally yesterday.
- I have limits.
- Is this a low-iron day? Yeah, try not to let anyone else see, because it might hurt the auction.
- Auction? - The silent auction.
You should be really proud.
It's the most successful one we've ever had.
Like, half the senior guys have already put in their bids.
What are you auctioning off? Well, the winner gets to ride in on the Minuteman mule at the end of the game.
And receive a kiss from the head cheerleader.
Oh, no, they don't.
- Now, Jenny- - Jen.
Okay? It's Jen.
You know, this whole thing started as a bad joke an excuse to get out of biology but do you see what it's turned into? I have pranced around at pep rallies without even knowing what the hell " pep" is.
I have listened to prattle about car washes, dance-a-thons and dog-sitting until I could puke up my homemade spirit cookies.
- Jenny- - And despite the itch on my ass from this polyester molest-me skirt, I've done it all with a smile on my face.
But you know what? The smile is gone.
There is no way I'm gonna be sold off like a harem girl to the highest bidder.
Everyone has a limit, and I've reached mine.
I quit.
- " ETS"? - Stop.
Drop that folder.
- Back away from the material.
- Yes, sir.
Keep your hands in plain sight.
Are you with the Educational Testing Service? - That's confidential.
- I hope nobody at Capeside High has done anything wrong, broken any rules compromised the integrity of the exam.
Passing along that information would constitute a breach of security.
- Of course.
- Know where Principal Green is? No, sir.
But before you go let me express my regret and recalcitrance at this incident.
- Recalcitrance? - I mean, repentance.
Repentance, as in contrition? Compunction? You know, contriteness.
Good day, ma'am.
Watch yourself.
This isn't a surprise, Pacey.
It's a death march on a deserted road.
We're almost there.
- Why didn't we just drive? - Because, Potter, on occasion my father actually likes to use his car.
So I risk my future to stand in line at the post office and then traipse five miles through wilderness carrying a stupid package? Did you ever think about how much hormonal energy you waste on these quick quips and the biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you would just take some more Oh, what is that? Some more Action! - If you took more action.
- Oh, like voluntary manslaughter? Well, how about, like, sticking out your thumb? Oh, yeah? And what else? Maybe hike up my skirt, pout my lips strike some sexy pose for a horndog trucker? Stick out your thumb, you sexist toad.
I am not a sexist.
I am a pragmatist, okay? You ever seen The Sure Thing? That film elegantly portrays one of life's simple truths: A female on the side of the road, even one with a perpetual scowl can flag down a car better than a guy.
I'm the only one with an opposable thumb - so I guess it's up to me to use it.
- And here's your chance.
Hi.
Today's your lucky day, Miss Potter.
Need a ride back to school? Thanks.
Principal Green.
Thank God you are here.
In preparing for our botany assignment Josephine and I wandered significantly farther away from the school than anticipated.
I was beginning to worry that we weren't going to make it home by nightfall.
That's a good one, Pacey.
Let it never be said that I'm lacking in the creativity department.
Let's hope you're not lacking in calamine lotion either.
Now, put down the poison oak and get your butts in my car.
After you, Josephine.
All right.
Dad.
Dad.
I know you're busy.
I need 10 minutes of your time.
Can't it just wait till after the game? I'll have plenty of time after Saturday.
Dad, I gotta FedEx this thing out.
- FedEx? - Yeah.
To Mom at the station.
Station? - What are you talking about? - The story I'm doing on Jack.
Your mother wants to do a story on Jack? I wanna do a story on Jack.
I am doing the story.
- This is gonna go on television? When? - Hopefully tomorrow.
- Dad, we talked about this.
- I thought this was a school project.
It is a project.
Remember last night the blond-haired kid moving his lips? - That was me telling you this.
- Dawson, this is the last thing - that I need right now.
- Why is that? Because football is a head game, and I can't risk my best player or any player, for that matter, losing focus.
I've worked too damn hard.
Forgive me if my future conflicts with your precious football team.
Now, don't be so theatrical.
I have a football-loving principal breathing down my neck.
I am trying to build something here.
What do you think I'm doing, dabbling in a hobby? It's the kind of opportunity I've waited for all my life.
All 16 years of it? Oh, so the importance of dreams is measured by age? There will be plenty of other opportunities, believe me.
- Are you telling me not to do this? - I don't have to.
Because I know you'll make the right choice.
- Hey.
- Hey.
You must be lost.
Bimbo Cove is up the creek, right past Brainless Bay.
Save your ammunition.
Eve and I aren't speaking.
- You mean you guys actually talked? - Among other things, yes.
I need some advice.
What else are dumped ex-girlfriends for? This is about my father.
Your father? What about him? He told me not to do the story on Jack and the football team.
- He did? - Well, in so many words.
He thinks it might jeopardize his career his chances against Woodward.
No offence, Dawson, but doesn't a nationally televised broadcast kind of overshadow a high-school football rivalry? You'd have thought.
I don't know.
Look at his point of view.
The last couple of years, his cup hasn't exactly runneth over.
He had to give up his restaurant dream, his wife stepped out on him with the Capeside equivalent of Ted Knight and he's not exactly shining as a substitute teacher.
If you do the story, he could lose more than the game.
- He could lose his self-respect.
- Yeah.
What do you think? Well, I think that the swords that are the father and son have finally crossed in conflict.
I mean, face it, Dawson - this is the stuff of Greek drama.
- Yeah, but is this tragedy or comedy? Sometimes we fight our fathers and they respect us.
And sometimes we fight them and, well, we lose them forever.
You have to decide how you wanna live your life.
You know, what you can tolerate and And what you're willing to lose.
God, this is so important to me, but if I do it, it's gonna kill him.
Well I hate to tell you, but according to Freud that's exactly what sons are supposed to do.
- I dubbed this for you.
- What's this? Something I found.
Made me smile.
I guess now you can call it a thank-you.
- It must be dried saliva.
- No, it's a zipper mark from the pillow.
Yes, that bright sensation in your eyes is indeed sunlight.
Rise and shine, dear girl.
These lovely young ladies have an urgent matter to discuss.
I told you that I was finished with cheerleading and unless one of you is hiding a cup of black coffee under her pompoms - I suggest you leave.
- No, we respect your decision to resign from the squad.
Madison accepted the leadership challenge.
But please, you must reconsider the kiss.
- Someone has bid $500.
- But they've specifically stipulated - the kiss comes from you.
- I don't care if they bid the kingdom of Brunei, I'm not for sale.
What are we gonna tell the children at the CCHPC? The what? The Capeside County Home for Parentless Children.
Orphans? That-? That's what the auction is for? Orphans? Miss McPhee.
Been looking for you.
- Principal Green.
- Yes.
Listen, a critical problem has been brought to my attention, and I need to talk to you.
- What sort of problem, sir? - It's a disciplinary matter.
- Disciplinary? - Yes.
I'm unable to discuss it at length now but come to my office Monday, we'll go over all of our options in detail.
- Options.
Yes, sir.
- Monday morning.
Be there.
So since Mr.
Witter's attempt at lying to me was so creative I've come up with a little creative response in kind.
Coming from a just-minded soul like yourself, I'm sure your punishment - will be nothing but fair, sir.
- Thanks, Eddie Haskell.
- Where is your school spirit? - I think I left it cowering in the bushes.
That is a gross misconception.
I hurled myself on the flames of responsibility.
I hope a tick crawled in your ear and laid eggs.
Enough! Honestly, I am not sure how to get through to the two of you but since you have an affinity for one another here's what I have in mind.
- No way.
- That's not gonna happen.
Oh, I'm glad to see we're all in agreement here.
Can't believe he caught the thing.
It was way over his head.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong.
- Why should anything be wrong? - Because you're sitting in the stairwell.
Unless you're smoking or making out, it's a cause for concern.
I'm going to meet Dawson to check out the footage.
- You went through with it? - Yeah.
It was cool.
Went great.
Maybe today, but anything could happen tomorrow - to rock your safe little world.
- What? Jack, maybe you overlooked something.
Maybe- Maybe you didn't see every angle.
Maybe you had a terrible moment of weakness.
Maybe, without even realizing it, you totally, irreversibly screwed up.
Andie, it's not a big deal.
Why are you so paranoid? Look, Jack, you could live your entire life on the straight and narrow driving towards something you believe in.
Then what? One tiny little mistake, one little error in judgment next thing, your car's flipped over, wheels still spinning and the radio on.
- What the hell are you talking about? - About being publicly shamed.
Exposed for what you really are.
I'm talking about a life being ruined.
Cut short.
Nipped in the bud.
About breaking Dad's heart.
- Dad? - Think about how he's gonna feel, Jack.
His disappointment, his humiliation.
We are his pride and joy, Jack.
Think about how hard he's worked for us over the years.
Now this, in the open, for everyone to see.
Calm down.
It's not like I'm still in the closet.
Dad already knows I'm gay.
I know- Yeah, I know.
I know.
I just want you to be careful, Jack.
Every action has a consequence.
Be sure you think this thing through.
No one cares what I do off the field.
So you have no problem playing against someone who's openly gay? If a kid wears lipstick and rouge we'll infringe on him, lik e we infringe on anybody.
No difference.
Well? I just lost the first game of my coaching career.
If you say so.
Dawson, that just went out to 3 million people.
Not to mention you interviewed the opposing coach.
- So? - So? So two days ago, nobody knew how good Jack was or who he is.
Now the whole world knows.
You might as well have gone out and painted a bull's-eye on his back.
- You never explained that to me, Dad.
- It's pretty damn obvious! Not to me, it isn't.
Instead of celebrating my first success we're worrying about a game.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy, Dawson.
Yes, I'm angry, just like you knew I would be.
This is a team that hasn't put a notch in the win column in three years.
Are we saying that I'm wasting my time? - No, I want you to have perspective.
- I can't discuss this right now.
You have no idea what you're talking about! Thanks to you, I don't.
Ever since you took this job - you haven't spoken to me.
- I talk to you.
Not the way you talk to the guys on your team.
- You know what? They respect me.
- I respect you, Dad.
They're more the kind of son you wish you'd had.
That is not true.
Dawson, I hum the theme from Close Encounters in my sleep.
I reach out to you.
When we can't find common ground, I give you space.
- When I take it, you get pissed off.
- No.
I'm trying to break you out of your self-centred world long enough - to look out for other people.
- Why do I have to look out for you? - What are you saying? - I'm saying I parent you, Dad.
I walk in on you having sex.
I give you advice.
I'm the kid around here.
And sometimes I might even act like it.
Come on, let's hit him! Hit him! Go back to tetherball, you limp-wristed homo.
- This is getting ugly.
- Crackback, damn it! Crackback! Right guard blocks down.
Litvack takes out the end.
They're keying on Jack.
He's getting killed.
And our running game's DOA.
Walk it off, McPhee! - Good man! Walk it off! - Walk it off? - I am walking it off.
You walk it off.
- You all right? Huddle up! Let's go! So tell me the truth.
Is this all my fault? In a word, yes.
Look on the bright side, Dawson.
At least when this is all over, you won't be on the 50-yard line puckering your lips for some spoiled brat with furry teeth and halitosis.
- Just think of it as Method acting.
- It's out of the question.
- I'll flip you for it.
- Not a chance.
- Forget it.
- Fine.
I'll cut to the chase and beg you.
Please, Joey.
Please, please.
- Don't make me go out there.
- Pacey.
Look I should be at work now making much-needed money but I'm standing on a football field fighting over the rear end of a mule.
Fine.
Fine.
I was just giving you fair warning.
- What? - I tend to get carsick in back seats.
Principal Green? I made a mistake.
Well, a terrible error in judgment, really.
There's no excuse for it, so I won't waste your time.
But there is an explanation, one that I can only pray you'll find it in your heart to understand.
See, there's this guy.
And when I met him, it was like Like a shade going up in a dark room, light suddenly pouring in.
He understood me in a way that no one ever did or could.
And then, just as suddenly, the room got dark again.
In my mind, I mean.
See over the summer, I was treated at a psychiatric hospital.
I didn't have to stay long, because I got better.
But when I came back, I'd lost the guy.
He was my soul mate.
It was like having an organ, my heart literally ripped from my body.
And all I could feel was cold and empty, my future slipping away.
And I had lost the love.
So I was determined not to lose my life.
And that's why I stole the test and that's why I cheated because I wanted to try to keep it from all getting away from me.
And I know that I only made things worse.
So now all I can ask for is your compassion.
And that ends the first half with the Woodward War Eagles leading the Capeside Minutemen 21-0.
- Let's go.
- Where are we going? To even the score.
Come on, guys.
You can't let them get to you.
They're psyching you out.
Taking us out of our game plan.
We're not moving the ball.
We're not firing out on defence! Suck in that gut and go harder.
A long time ago there was a Chinese warrior-philosopher.
General Sun Tzu.
Brilliant military strategist who lived about 2000 years ago.
My dad's been telling me about him ever since I was a kid.
What's with the bucket? Turn our weakness into a strength, like the general said.
We'll start by obscuring the numbers so the other team can't find Jack.
That might work for a couple of plays.
- That's why it's only phase one.
- So, what's phase two? Let's get up there and hit somebody, now.
- Hit somebody! - Here we go.
Cross your fingers.
- Break! - Come on! Hey, coach, what's this? Forty-two.
Blue Turk, right.
Double slot.
Try and find the homo now! Set.
Hut! Twenty-four to 21, with seven seconds left.
The Minutemen have one last chance.
Can you get a step on him, Jack? What do you think? I think my mascara's running.
No, just throw me the ball.
I'll catch it.
Consider it done.
All right, cradle out.
Drill nine shiver.
Broadside option, flow-and-go.
On two.
Ready? - Break! - It's fourth and 14.
The ball's sitting on the 25-yard line.
- McPhee has it! - Come on, let's hit him! Touchdown! Touchdown! Capeside wins! Capeside wins! What an incredible comeback! After a long dry spell Capeside is victorious.
Final score.
.
Capeside 27, War Eagles 24.
Outstanding! Outstanding! - Mitch! - Yes, sir.
That was one of the most irreverent and imaginative game plans I've ever seen.
- Congratulations, coach! - Thank you.
That's great- One good deed down, one to go.
Jennifer Lindley, once again a victim of her own big heart.
Don't push it, buddy.
- I need to talk to you.
- Not right now, Andie.
No, sir, it's important.
It cannot wait.
We need to clear this up.
- Okay, what is it? - Well, I made a mistake.
- A terrible error in judgment, really.
- What kind of mistake? - There's no excuse for what I've done- - What are you talking about? - Didn't you wanna talk to me? - It was Monday.
I was gonna discuss it then, but if you must know I'm forming a student disciplinary committee, and I want you in charge.
Well, I could do that.
I mean, I would be honoured to do that.
Now, what was this mistake you were talking about? I shouldn't have interrupted you.
It's a mistake to be so impatient.
But I'm working on it, sir.
- Okay.
I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.
I'm working on it.
All right! Okay! Okay! And now, ladies and gentlemen the moment that you've all been waiting for.
The winner of the silent auction, who is entitled to one ride on the Minuteman mule and one heart-stopping kiss - from our head cheerleader.
- Ex-head cheerleader.
And here he is! - That's a way, rookie! - Get a horse.
- Way to go, Henry! - Henry? How the hell did you get $500? - Way to go, Henry! - Mouthpiece.
Mouth-? Wait a minute.
You sold your good-luck Doug Flutie - memorial mouthpiece to kiss me? - Come on, Henry! - You gonna kiss her or what, huh? - So romantic.
I don't know whether to gag or be incredibly touched.
- Don't be shy! - Kiss her! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! You- You don't- You don't have to if you don't want to.
Come here, freshman.
Okay, okay.
Everybody, go home.
- Show's over, folks.
Go home- - No, no.
Not quite yet.
We have a little unfinished business yet here.
Ladies and gentlemen, presenting to you your choice for Capeside's 1999 homecoming queen Miss Jennifer Lindley! Oh, this isn't happening.
See? I told you everything would work out fine.
- You did? - Yeah.
Everything works out for the best, as long as you keep a positive attitude.
Positive attitude.
Okay, is this before or after I disgraced the family's good name and forever humiliated our father? Don't worry about Dad.
He's over it.
He's probably out sailing or golfing.
I wouldn't give it another thought.
Andie, you're making my head spin.
Look, Jack, I am just glad it's over.
I can't tell you how relieved I am.
Hey, so who won the game, anyway? Somebody was so sweaty, I couldn't breathe! Somebody wouldn't let me take my shirt off.
Well, somebody forgot to open the air vent! Well, somebody forgot to mention there were air vents! I told you we never should have listened to those two slackers.
This is it? This is the surprise? Isn't she beautiful? Yeah, in a Titanic post-iceberg sort of way.
- Where did you get this? - Friend of my brother's.
Works in the marina.
Rescued her after a hurricane.
The owner didn't want her, so I convinced him to sell her for $200.
When I finish with this boat, it will be sheer perfection.
- Look at that.
- Pacey, do you know how much money and time it'll take you to even get this to float? Yeah.
Not a minute more or less than as long as it takes me.
You watch, Potter.
Couple of months I'll be sailing this baby around the world.
Hate to tell you, Captain Stubing but you can't sail around the world in a 20-foot boat.
- Sure, I can.
- Where will you put the supplies? The USS Minnow was no bigger, and it fit Mr.
Howell's money the Professor's tools, Ginger's clothes- And where do you think you're going? - Permission to come aboard? - Permission granted.
Thank you.
And now, the purpose for our little foray into truancy - What do you say? - "True love"? Yeah.
It's my girl's name.
Kind of high on the schmaltz factor, huh? Acutely.
- But sweet.
- Remember I told you I needed your help.
With what? Well start sanding.
You are so overboard.
The night you were born, I bawled like a baby.
Did you really? I didn't know that.
Yeah, I think I cried for 24 hours straight.
Holding you so small in my arms.
I never knew I could love anything so much.
So fast.
So utterly.
Part of me was terrified.
Raising a son is more a matter of faith than most people know.
So's being one.
You're right.
- I think I realized something today.
- What? That my job as a father isn't to give you the whole picture because the truth is, I can't see it myself.
My job is to try and help every now and then, with a piece of the puzzle.
- You have helped me, Dad.
- I hope so.
But your future, your expectations, they belong to you.
Don't let anybody stand in the way.
Not even me.
You always push me to be my own person to think for myself.
I just did what you taught me.
What do you say we go home, pop in Close Encounters or something? Actually I was thinking how about a game of catch? Give me that.
Why don't we leave the football here on the field, where it belongs.
- Bye, Joey.
- Bye, Dawson.