Get Smart (1965) s03e04 Episode Script

( crickets chirping ) ( gasps ) Maxwell Smart? Young lady, you just took a very big chance sneaking up like that behind a CONTROL agent, especially in the dark.
I'm sorry.
I guess that was a stupid thing to do.
Yes, and dangerous.
You could've given me a heart attack.
- You are Maxwell Smart? - Yes.
And I presume you're the young lady who phoned me a half hour ago.
- Yes.
Did I wake you? - No, the phone did.
I'm sorry, but I did have to see you right away.
Well, you certainly picked a wonderful place.
I didn't want us to be overheard, and can you think of a better place than the cemetery? - Yes, the subway.
- The subway? But lots of people ride the subway at this hour.
Well, that's true, but if I pretended to mug you and you screamed, nobody would bother us.
Mr.
Smart, my name is Ann Ferris.
- Does that mean anything to you? - Young lady, the ability to hear names and retain them is one of the most important requirements for a secret agent.
You'll find that I'm superb at that, Miss Forrest.
- Ferris.
- Huh? - Ferris.
- Oh, yes.
Well, pronunciation isn't important.
Now what is it you wanted to see me about, Miss Harris? What do you know about Paul John Mondebello? He's the head of the Creative Entertainment Bureau.
That's a theatrical agency which is actually a front for KAOS.
Mmm, he's the best agent in show business.
Mondebello is vicious, cunning and deceiving.
That's what I just said-- he's the best agent in show business.
But you've never been able to prove his involvement with KAOS.
No.
Three months ago we had an open-and-shut case against Mondebello.
Not only would he have gone to the electric chair, but he would have lost his booking franchise besides.
Unfortunately, just before the trial, our key witness was murdered.
Were you on that case, Mr.
Smart? No, the Chief bungled that one himself.
Mr.
Smart, I can give you the evidence you need to convict Mondebello.
- You can? - For $50,000.
$50,000 is a lot of money, Miss Harris.
- Try mine.
- Oh, thank you.
$50,000, eh? Well, I'm afraid I'll have to contact headquarters and get authorization.
- Where can I get in touch with you? - I'll contact you.
- ( rustling ) - Shh! Don't move.
All right, come out of there with your hands up.
( meowing ) Sorry about that.
Miss Ferris? Miss Ferris? Hello? Oh, it's you, 99.
- Is the Chief there? - No, he isn't, Max.
I'm taking his calls for him.
What's up? I just had a meeting with a very beautiful and interesting woman.
Did you call me at this time of night to tell me that? she has the evidence to convict Paul John Mondebello.
What? Max, don't let that woman out of your sight! It's too late, 99, she's gone.
Did you get her name, at least? Yes, her name is Ann Ferris.
Hello? 99? Max, the key witness in the Mondebello case was murdered.
Her name was Ann Ferris.
But that's impossible, 99.
I just spoke to Ann Ferris.
Max, Ann Ferris is dead.
She's buried in the Garden Grove Cemetery.
That's where I am now, 99.
Are you s-- ( theme music playing ) I'm sorry, Max, but there's no chance of any error.
Her files in our computer-- they all show the same thing.
Ann Ferris was Mondebello's private secretary.
She had enough evidence to send him to the electric chair, so he had her killed.
Max, you've just got to understand-- Ann Ferris is dead.
But I tell you I was just talking to her less than an hour ago.
- Now, that's impossible.
- Look, 37, I hate to bring up the past, but I remember two other cases where they said it was impossible and I went ahead anyway.
And you failed both times.
That's why I hate to bring up the past.
- Max, you've been working hard lately-- - Wait a minute, 99.
If I just had a photograph of Ann Ferris, then I would know if that was the girl I was talking to tonight.
Max, there are no known photographs of Ann Ferris in existence.
- Are you sure about that, 37? - I'm sure.
- 99: What's that, Max? - This? Oh, this is the lighter Ann Ferris gave me.
- Wait a minute.
That proves it.
- How? Well, don't you see? My lighter wasn't working, So Ann Ferris loaned me hers.
Then we heard a noise and I went off to investigate.
And Ann got frightened and rushed off without taking her lighter, not knowing it was pussycats.
- Pussycats, Max? - Yes, there were two pussycats playing in the bushes.
Well, at least I thought they were playing.
Well, whatever they were doing, they had a healthy attitude about it.
But what makes you so sure that's Ann Ferris's lighter? Because of the initials.
AF-- Ann Ferris.
There are lots of people with the initials AF you could have come in contact with during the day.
But, 37, I wasn't with anybody today with the initials AF.
- Max, are you sure? - I'm positive! I spent the whole day with 99 and the Chief.
And tonight I played poker with the boys-- Pete Benson, Bernie Croman, Ray Gerber and Jerry Harris-- - Hmm.
- at Aaron Feldman's house.
Max, are you sure we're doing the right thing coming here? Well, 99, I have to find out for sure if I saw Ann Ferris last night, and this lighter is our only clue.
Maybe somebody here can identify it.
- May I help you? - Yes.
What can you tell me about this? It's a cigarette lighter.
Yes, I know it's a cigarette lighter.
What I'm inquiring about are the initials.
Oh.
Well, I'm new here, but I would say that that's an "A" and that's an "F.
" Let me try, Max.
We're trying to find out if this cigarette lighter belonged to Ann Ferris.
- She used to work here.
- Oh, yeah.
She was Mr.
Mondebello's private secretary.
Did you know her? No, she left before I came to work here.
Did she do something wrong? - She's dead.
- Oh! I was afraid she might be in some sort of trouble.
Listen, is there anybody around here that we could talk to, somebody who knew Ann Ferris? Mr.
Mondebello is in London.
But his associate, Mr.
Vogel, is here.
I'll buzz.
Mr.
Vogel, there are some people here inquiring about Ann Ferris.
He'll be right out.
Excuse me.
I'm Mr.
Vogel.
Can I be of assistance? Yes, we're CONTROL agents, and we'd like to ask you a few questions.
As a good citizen, we expect you to answer.
Did this lighter belong to Ann Ferris? - Yes, this is Ann's lighter.
- Are you absolutely sure? Is there any possibility of error? I am absolutely sure.
Please answer both questions.
There is no possibility of error.
I am absolutely sure.
Would you happen to have a photograph or a snapshot of Ann Ferris? Vogel, may I see you a moment? - Mr.
Mondebello, when did you, uh - Now, Vogel.
Pardon me.
Mr.
Mondebello, I didn't expect you back for another two weeks.
Change of plans-- perhaps a fortunate one.
I overheard those CONTROL agents.
Why are they asking questions about Ann Ferris? I don't know, but we have nothing to fear.
She's dead.
I killed her myself.
Yes, but she died without revealing where she hid the evidence.
She did die without revealing it, didn't she, Mr.
Vogel? I know better than to double-cross KAOS.
I tortured her, but she would not talk.
She was like a dying animal, so I shot her to put her out of her misery.
- You should have kept torturing her.
- Oh, I couldn't.
You know how I love animals.
I wonder if CONTROL is onto something.
They couldn't be.
This is probably a psychological tactic designed to unnerve us into making a wrong move.
You'd better be right.
If CONTROL finds that evidence, I'll kill you.
Now be calm.
Get rid of them.
Oh, Vogel.
I almost forgot-- I brought you a gift from London.
Oh, thank you, sir! It's beautiful! You'll have to forgive me.
Something important has just come up.
What about the pictures? I'm sorry, there are no pictures.
But you might try her mother-- Gotcha.
No, no.
That's what I said-- No, it's-- I'll write it down.
Pardon me, is that 2103 or 2130? This picture of Ann was taken just two weeks before she-- - before she-- - Died.
- 99, that's her! - Max, are you sure? I'm positive.
That's Ann Ferris.
But of course it is.
But you don't understand, Mrs.
Ferris.
I just talked to your daughter last night.
My daughter is dead.
- Show her the lighter, Max.
- Mrs.
Ferris, you recognize that? Ann's lighter.
After she died, I looked all over for it.
I could not find it.
This proves that I did talk with Ann Ferris last night.
No, Mr.
Smart.
You did not actually talk to Ann.
You talked to Ann's spirit.
You see? Her spirit? Ann and I were great believers in the hereafter.
But why would she contact Max? Well, maybe she didn't have her mother's number with her.
Did she say what she wanted? Yes.
She said that she would turn over the evidence that she has on Paul John Mondebello for $50,000.
Mr.
Smart, you must do as she asks.
But, Max, something's wrong here.
Why would a spirit want money? That is something only Ann can answer.
She's got something there, 99.
We will get in touch with her.
You know the area code? I'm going to call Madam Borova.
She is a medium.
She will conduct a seance and contact my daughter's spirit.
We'll hold the seance at my apartment.
As you wish, Mr.
Smart.
That way it'll have to be on the level.
( knocking ) I'll get it.
( knocking continues ) - Oh, hi, 99.
- I'm sorry I'm late, Max.
I was getting a shoulder holster fitted.
- So that's Madam Borova.
- Yes.
What do you think? I don't know.
Mrs.
Ferris says she's a medium.
Looks more like a large to me.
Max, is that a new table? Yes.
I got it for my Saturday-night poker games.
Poker on such a big table? Well, you need a big table when you have a 27-handed poker game.
Mrs.
Ferris: If you will all be seated, Madam Borova will start.
We must all hold hands.
- There we go.
- Good.
Good? If you'll just take your seat, Mr.
Smart.
All right.
Just give me a little more slack.
( grunts ) I don't think I can hold on much longer! A little more.
We'll dispense with the holding of hands.
If you will turn off the lights? O spirit of Ann Ferris, come forth and join us.
Max: There's someone in the room.
I can feel her.
- I've made contact.
- Borova: You certainly have.
Oh, sorry about that.
Ann Ferris, where are you? O spirit of Ann Ferris, come forth and join us.
( vocalizing ) ( screams ) - Someone is coming! - It's probably the police.
- Hush.
- ( wind howling ) Behind you! Oh.
Hi there, Ann.
It's Ann.
( stammering ) You sent for me, Mr.
Smart? You called me back from the dead.
Sorry about that.
I hope I didn't wake you.
Why did you send for me? Uh, yes, well, it wasn't anything important.
I'm sure it can wait until morning.
Max, talk to her.
Ask her about the evidence.
Right, 99.
Uh, listen, Ann - Ann? - Yes? Ann, when I spoke to you last night-- Borova: Remain in your seat or the spell will be broken.
Oh, right.
Uh, Ann Ann, where can we find that evidence we talked about last night? You will give the $50,000 to my mother.
I will reveal the hiding place of the evidence only to her.
- When? - Tomorrow.
It must be tomorrow.
- But how? When? - Now I must go.
Wait a minute.
Don't go! Come back! - 99: Afraid she's gone, Max.
- Oh, what a shame.
Seems hardly worth the trip.
The spell has been broken, Mr.
Smart.
Oh, it was good to see her again.
Well, what do you think, 99? Max, if you told me what happened here tonight, I'd say you were crazy.
But having been here and seen it for myself - You're convinced? - I'm convinced we're both crazy.
( ringing ) Hello? Mrs.
Ferris? This is Maxwell Smart.
Mr.
Smart, I have been waiting for your phone call.
Do you have the money? Yes, but the Chief insists we examine the evidence before we hand over the money.
Uh um h-hold a moment, please.
I must turn something down on the stove.
She has to turn something down on the stove.
Probably soup.
Little old ladies are crazy about soup.
They want to examine the evidence first.
( whispering ) Tell them all right, but they must bring the money with them.
Sorry to keep you waiting, Mr.
Smart.
My tea was boiling over.
I was wrong.
It was tea.
What you ask is acceptable, provided you bring the money with you.
I think that can be arranged.
When do we meet? Tonight, at about, um Our flight is 1:00 AM.
Tell him midnight at the cemetery.
At midnight, at the cemetery.
Fine.
I will see you there.
Uh, if you don't mind, I prefer my women a little younger.
Oh, Les! Tomorrow at this time we'll be in South America.
Do you realize, darling, you are about to become the first man to ever defect from KAOS and live? Yes.
I can just see the expression on Mondebello's face when he hears of this.
( laughing ) Mrs.
Ferris? Mrs.
Ferris? ( shovel scraping ) It sounds like digging, Max.
Come on.
Here it is, in perfect condition.
Max: Mrs.
Ferris? Quick, it's Smart.
He mustn't see you here.
Make it fast! Our plane leaves in one hour! - 99, look.
- That's the digging we heard, Max.
I have found it, Mr.
Smart-- Ann's favorite doll.
She requested when her time came it be buried with her.
- So she hid the evidence in that doll.
- That is right.
Your daughter was a very clever girl, Mrs.
Ferris.
- Are they authentic, Max? - Yes.
There's enough evidence here to destroy KAOS's whole operation in the western hemisphere and send Mondebello to the electric chair.
I wouldn't be so sure.
- Mondebello! - Mondebello! - Who are you? - Mondebello.
Oh.
Now that we're all agreed on that, let's get on to the next question.
Silence.
You almost had me fooled, Miss Ferris.
Mrs.
Ferris.
Why, you're not your mother.
You're your daughter.
Yes, I'm Ann Ferris.
My mother died 15 years ago.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.
She was such a nice old lady.
Now you'll join her.
Only to be absolutely certain this time, I'll do the job myself.
Mondebello! Drop it! I said drop it.
You drop it, Vogel.
Mondebello, let me explain.
I couldn't kill Ann when you ordered me to because I loved her.
- We've been secretly in love for years.
- I need no explanations.
You, pretending to be Ann Ferris, hiding the evidence in an empty coffin.
- Then the entire seance was a hoax.
- Ann: Yes.
Madam Borova was in on it too.
Okay.
That just about wraps it up.
All right, Mondebello, let's go, let's go.
You're under arrest.
Now how do you figure that when I'm holding the gun? He's got a very good point there.
- Now, Miss Ferris - No! Mondebello.
- Don't kill her.
Kill me.
- All right.
( sobs ) Well, he certainly is obliging.
Now, Mr.
Smart, I'll kill you first, then the ladies.
Wait a minute, Mondebello.
Where are your manners? One two - ( bullet ricochets ) - ( screams ) All right, get in there with him.
Careful, 99.
You'll hurt yourself.
I'm gonna save you both the expense of a burial.
- Max, this is awful! - Oh, not really, 99.
It's very roomy.
And there are some nice trees here.
And we're up on the side of a hill.
It's a beautiful view.
Max, he's going to kill us! Well, it's not all gravy, 99.
You have to take the bad with the good.
Goodbye, Mr.
Smart.
Bye.
I guess this is it, Max.
Yes, 99.
I don't see any way out of this one.
Mondebello! Oh, Max, he's dead.
Yes.
In a way, he's kind of lucky, 99.
That casket is just his size.
That was close, Max.
Are you all right? Yes, I'm fine, thanks to Miss Ferris.
It was very clever the way she disguised herself as her mother again in order to distract Mondebello.
But Max, she never left his side the whole time you were fighting with Mondebello.
Well, of course she didn't.
She didn't? But, 99, if she never left his side, then who was ( theme music playing )