Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s03e04 Episode Script

We're in.
Hand me the torch.
Do you feel all right? Any sudden fever, boils, plague? For the last time, there is no such thing as a curse.
It is told only to keep people like us from treasures.
Like that! Perhaps we should leave before the curse begins.
Don't be ridiculous.
Some will pay handsomely for this treasure.
Coming through.
Have you tried the witches' brew? Wax skulls.
Get 'em here.
Fine quality.
Weird.
So, our guest of honor has finally arrived.
It's good to see you again, Phineus.
Uh, the place looks different.
The children have decorated it for the festival.
They wanna scare away the ghost of King Cecrops.
"The ghost of King Cecrops"? You're not afraid of the king's ghost, even though his dying words were to swear vengeance against you? If I worried about every threat, I would never leave home.
- Hey, you! - Party's over.
And at the moment, home is looking pretty good.
Bye.
If I were you, I'd turn around and leave now.
Thanks for the advice, friend, but I was invited.
Well, here is my invitation.
I don't care much for your stationery.
Get him! You better brush up on your etiquette.
On the contrary.
That was perfect.
Really? I've always felt that a "Hello.
How are you? Nice to meet you" is more appropriate.
Hello.
How are you? Nice to meet you.
Well, actually, we haven't met.
I'm- Hercules.
Yes, I know.
I'm the Princess Anuket, daughter of Ramses III, Pharaoh of Egypt.
That's a big title.
And this must be your royal welcome wagon.
It was the only way for me to make sure that you are the right one.
The right one for what? To find my mummy.
Your mommy? Not my "mommy.
" My "mummy.
" What do you call this thing again? A mummy.
Yours for 40 dinars.
Forty? It's all wrinkled.
And when's the last time you washed it? Look, it's falling apart here.
Fine.
Twenty dinars.
Nope.
Give me 10 dinars, and I'll leave.
Deal.
May the gods protect you.
You too, friend.
This trinket alone is worth more than 10 dinars.
You, my friend, are going to make me a mint.
This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power- Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! Kneel before the princess.
- Thanks, but I'll stand.
- You may go now, Keb.
Yes, Your Highness.
- He was only acting on my orders.
- Does he do everything you want? Everybody does.
For someday I will rule all of Egypt.
Now, we must talk about my mummy.
Sorry, Anuket, but mummies give me the creeps.
How dare you speak in such terms.
This is the body of the great pharaoh, Ishtar, from who I am descended.
It was stolen from its burial place.
Its trail has led us here to Attica.
You are worrying about a dead man when you're denying real, live people their freedom.
You want me to free my slaves? Surely the great Hercules cannot be so ignorant.
Have you never learned the privileges of royalty? No, thank you.
I've lost my appetite.
Hercules, come.
Sit.
- Enjoy.
- Not on your life, lady.
I will not be insulted! I think you just were.
How can you treat human beings like property? They have good lives.
I feed them, clothe them, shelter them.
And what if something happens to you? They are buried with me.
Even though they're still alive? Their fates are intertwined with mine.
It makes perfect sense.
Uh, no, I'll tell you what makes perfect sense - my leaving.
I command you to stay! Excuse me? I want you to find my mummy, and I want you to find it now.
Manners aren't your strong suit, are they? Bye-bye, Princess.
Keb, come quickly! We have work to do.
Hello! Oh, good, the wax.
Put it down with the other crates.
You are making many candles? Candles? Candles, my friend, are a mere utilitarian object.
This will become art, and the art will become part of Salmoneus's House of Horrors.
All wax, except for the centerpiece of my exhibit, my greatest find, the part that exhibits man's deepest, darkest nature, the evil curse that permeates- What? What? Everybody's a critic.
You've never seen a mummy before? Don't listen to him.
You and I are gonna make some serious dinars together.
Would you like to buy a disguise? You can be anything you please tonight.
dddd Please excuse me.
I wasn't looking.
How dare you touch Princess Anuket.
You will die for this offense.
No, Keb.
Release him.
But- Do it now.
- That's better.
- Much better.
Does he ever relax? Leave us.
Yes, Your Highness.
He protects me only when I don't want to be touched.
Mmm.
Uh-oh.
I'm sorry, Princess, but I'm not in the market.
But I come seeking your help.
If this is about your mummy again, I'm still not interested.
A body wrapped in cloth.
I mean, why would anyone want such a thing? Please, you're talking about my ancestors.
My apologies.
He's much more powerful as a mummy than he ever was as a pharaoh.
If his crypt is opened, the world is in danger.
For the mummy will grow hungry.
Hungry? In-In what way? It hungers for human life.
If it kills, its victim's life force will give it unspeakable power.
Then the only thing that can control it is the ankh.
The ankh? A special pendant made of gold.
Exactly the kind of thing whoever has the mummy is likely to sell.
Oh.
Please, Hercules, you must find the mummy for the good of the world if nothing else.
Right.
Uh, good of the world.
I better go find my mommy.
Uh, I mean, your mummy.
Oh! Uh, excuse me.
Ah, what refined bone structure, such noble features.
Look at that strong chin, those commanding eyes.
I take it he was someone of importance.
King Cecrops.
It wasKing Cecrops.
Ah, that explains it.
A king always recognizes a king when he sees one.
You? You're a king? Soon! - So, you know where the mummy is? - It's in the House of Horrors.
- The House of- He's lying.
Kill him.
- No, I swear by the gods! I saw the mummy when I made a delivery there.
It was wrapped in bandages, and it tried to grab me.
It is gaining strength, but it has not yet killed.
This is good.
What of the golden ankh? - The ankh? - Don't play dumb.
You must have seen it.
Here, it looks like this.
Yes! The curator was wearing it.
Not for long.
And once I have the mummy and the ankh, I'll finally be pharaoh, and Anuket, my bride! Unfortunately, you know more than you should.
- Me? I won't say anything.
- Bring me some wax.
I want to make a contribution to the arts.
No! No! No, no, no! You think this is too gaudy for this outfit? Nah, you're right.
You never can wear too much gold, huh? Wait a second.
Be right there.
Hold it.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Whoa! I have another delivery for you.
Where do you want it? Very realistic.
Bring it in before it melts.
Come on.
Bring it on in.
Thank you.
Bring it on in.
Nice horns.
Love those horns.
Bring 'em in there, yeah.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
The workmanship is terrific, but I didn't order this.
It's a donation from a patron of the arts.
It's free? Love those patrons.
This guy looks familiar.
It'll scare the tunics off 'em.
Bring him in, bring him in.
Come on.
Go ahead.
Bring it in.
Over to the left.
Thank you.
Yes, indeed, they will faint with pleasure.
Right there is good.
Right there is good.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Grand opening is tonight, huh? Tell your friends.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- All right.
You guys look terrific.
Your mothers will be proud you're being immortalized like this, huh? You promised two dinars.
All right.
Hi.
You need a hand? I'm just trying to help.
I mean, we're all on the same side.
Aren't we? Apparently not.
Can we talk about this? I see.
Oops.
Wrong party.
Good timing.
Goin' up.
Hey, sow, how are you? I'm fine.
Oh, I'm a little long in the tooth.
What are they hanging around for? - Hercules! - Salmoneus? Excuse me.
Coming through.
Coming through.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
- What are you doing here? Haven't you heard? No.
Everybody's talking about it.
Tonight's the grand opening, but since you're a friend, I'll give you a special preview.
Of what? Salmoneus's House of Horrors.
It's the greatest collection of monsters, maniacs and murderers of all time.
And people pay to see that? Are you kidding? People love to be scared to death.
They pay big dinars for thrills and chills.
I prefer a good romantic comedy, but, hey, they demand, I supply.
And with the endorsement of- dddd Hercules, gotta be a hit.
Uh, thanks, but I've seen enough fiends for one day.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a spoiled princess to meet who needs to learn some manners.
Spoiled princess.
Does she have a sister? Hercules! Hercules is here! It is said he is half god.
I know.
It'll be difficult to get the mummy if he guards his friend's door.
How powerful would the mummy be if its thirst for blood was joined with the strength of Hercules? - It would be unstoppable.
- Then we must make it so.
Stay.
What is it with you, Anuket? How dare you speak to a princess so rudely.
Will you tell your men to back off? I'm spending more time fighting them than searching for this mummy.
But I ordered my slaves to stay out of your way.
Well, maybe your slaves have minds of their own.
They must not have been Egyptians.
Same hair, same clothes.
Maybe not as well dressed as usual, but- My slaves are always perfectly dressed.
I allow no- I allow no rags.
Could it be? It must.
What? Sokar's here.
Sokar? He was my father's high priest, an evil man who asked for my hand in marriage, but my father refused.
So Sokar vowed vengeance.
If he finds the mummy first, we will all be doomed.
So there's Hercules.
No doubt his head is filled with dreams.
But he will not have Anuket for long, and he will not deny me the throne of Egypt.
Bring me that mummy.
Now! You know, boys, today you see me suave, debonair, self-confident.
I wasn't always like this.
Oh, no.
I had doubts.
Yes, me.
I had doubts that this was a good idea.
But now that I see you here, I gotta tell you.
You look fabulous.
Hello? You're tricking me, right? I think I should learn never to doubt my own sense of wh- Wha- What do I do? Wh- Where- Yeah.
Yeah.
The mummy's in here.
There it is.
What a relief! I've been waiting for centuries for someone to do that.
Thank you.
Now, if you don't mind, I'll see you later.
Or I could see you right now.
Hey! It looked like a mummy.
A dummy, more like it.
Only a pharaoh may wear this.
Ow.
Then you're a pharaoh, huh? I will be soon enough.
And you are the curator of- Salmoneus's Famous House of Horrors.
We offer two-for-one group discounts and bargain matinees- Silence! You have something I want.
Wonderful.
Maybe we could work out a deal.
That head of King Cecrops, for instance, is a wonderfully gruesome item.
I've got an extra Harpy back in the shop - You know of King Cecrops? Oh, yes.
I remember when my good friend, Hercules, brought about his untimely demise.
You mean, Hercules killed him.
Technically, Cecrops tripped over the cliff, but he blamed Hercules for his downfall and vowed to exact revenge, even from beyond the grave.
Evil, huh? And perfect for my exhibit.
You will bring me the mummy.
I'm sorry.
The mummy is worth a lot more than the bust of Cecrops.
Is it worth your life? Good question.
But we have a tiny problem here, Sort Of Pharaohship.
The mummy is- how can I put this? alive, and I'm reluctant to - You will bring it to me or die.
If you put it that way.
Take him away.
Nice to meet ya, Mr.
Almost Pharaoh.
But, Sokar, if you let him go, might he bring Hercules? That's what I'm counting on.
Now come with me.
We must work quickly.
dddd I think we're just about out of hiding places.
But my sources say the mummy is definitely here in Attica.
And if Sokar has come, my sources must be accurate.
Right on the money, I'd say.
Stay here.
Stay out of sight.
Don't you do anything you're told? You don't.
Why should I? I guess it's too late to ask you to be quiet.
You're not funny.
Now, where are we? This was King Cecrops's favorite retreat.
It's his war room.
Look out! You saved my life.
I hope I did it well enough to meet with your approval.
May we go now? You're the one who's on top.
Hercules! You said we were looking for a mummy.
You didn't say anything about a ghost.
- A ghost? - I will have my revenge! I'm going to tear your heart out and feed it to the vultures.
It's nice to see you again too.
You don't look too good, Cecrops.
- I'm dead! - That explains it.
I think you look very well for a dead person.
May we go, please? Wait a minute.
I'm gonna drain the life from you drop by drop as you did to mine! But you fell off a cliff.
Don't.
You'll make it angry.
I haven't even started.
What are you doing? Don't do that! No! That should keep me busy for another seven years.
Where's the ghost? Well, there wasn't one.
- It was a simple magician's trick all done with mirrors.
- Who was the magician? Sokar.
Mr.
Mummy.
Are you here? Someone wants to meet you.
Thank the gods.
They must have taken him.
Why don't you hide, and I'll seek? Guess not.
Uh, Hercules! My exhibit's trying to kill me.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about a big, mean mummy.
A m - A mummy? You have the mummy? Why didn't you tell me? Showmanship.
It's a surprise.
He almost got me a moment ago.
If he doesn't, that lunatic quasi-pharaoh will.
"Quasi-phar-" Sokar? You are working for Sokar? I will have you killed for this treasonous thievery! I didn't steal it! I paid a fair price for it.
A low price, but I paid in full.
You are a liar as well! Salmoneus may be a lot of things, but he's not a thief, and he's usually not a liar.
- You defend him? - You betcha he does! If he brings me to the mummy.
I could do that.
In fact, I could tell you just where it is while I wait over here.
Show me.
Right this way.
It's not here.
Whoo! Sokar has the ankh.
Ankh? If the mummy consumes the life force of a human, it'll become a monster, and Sokar will have complete control.
It's not monster enough as it is? Nothing compared to what it will be if it kills.
Then we better find it.
What do you mean "we"? Hey! It didn't even knock.
Let's go.
Stay here.
So you wanna play hide-and-seek.
No, he hates that game.
This is one fast mummy.
What happened to the foot-dragging classic we all know and love? Where's Anuket? Huh? Great.
Hercules? Hercules! Whew.
Anuket.
Anuket! Maybe she's off flogging her slaves.
She was right behind us.
You take the left.
I'll go up here, all right? Salmoneus? Salmoneus? Anuket? Where is everybody? Save me.
Yuck.
Whoa! Whoa! Hercules, watch out! So much for your friend.
We never really connected on an emotional level.
He was always kind of a stiff.
I know what you mean.
Come on.
Let's find Anuket.
Yeah.
She's in the pit.
Ehhh! That's terrible! Sorry.
Thanks, Salmoneus.
We have got to stop meeting like this.
- Hercules! - I'm busy.
Welcome, Hercules.
I trust you find your quarters quite comfortable? Well, I was hoping for something with an ocean view, and it is a little cramped.
Oh.
One of you will make room for the other.
I'm betting on him.
- That's a bad bet.
- Release both of us immediately, Sokar, or you will suffer the consequences.
The only thing I'll suffer from is the weight of all the gold your father will heap upon me when he sees I control the mummy.
Only a pharaoh may wear that.
And I will be a pharaoh as soon as that mummy tears Hercules limb from limb.
It will absorb his life force and his strength.
- Don't count on it.
- Oh, but I am.
Let me go, Sokar! Certainly.
As soon as we're married.
Let me go! Sokar! dddd Here come the spirits! Release them! Hey, there, my pretty.
dddd Hey, friend, try this on.
It's scary, yet comfortable.
Don't stand around, fret and fumed.
Try one of my new costumes.
Whoa, that's terrific! Put this on, and your friends will throw up.
And what's more, it's free! It hurts me to say that.
Friend, here we go! Try this on.
Don't you know anything else? That's better.
Whoa! Ouch.
Shoot.
- Don't go anywhere.
- Hercules, don't worry! I'm here! Lucky me.
Come on.
Let's go find Anuket.
dddd At night we welcome the ghosts! Let them come to us if they dare! Walk like an Egyptian.
Huh? Where did all these mummies come from, huh? What is happening here? I would say you were outnumbered.
Now let her go.
Hercules! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Pretty realistic, don't you think? Too realistic.
Please.
You are a great warrior, Hercules.
I only wish Egypt could claim you.
As a slave? There's a world of potential in these mummy costumes.
Somebody's always trying to dress up like somebody else, huh? Boy! Do I do good work or what, huh? Salmoneus.
Uh, that's no costume.
Nice mummy.
It's not going to be nice until it's back in its crypt.
Quick, the ankh! It must not work until the mummy has consumed a human's life force.
Now you tell me.
Are you okay? No.
Anuket, behind you! If I can't have Anuket, nobody will.
No! No.
Uh, Sokar, you might want to- No! Oh, that's disgusting.
Wow! This puts my House of Horrors to shame.
Hey, rag man! Ooh.
Princess, please.
Anything, Keb.
Ask anything.
I only wish to die a free man.
You were right, Hercules, but now it's too late.
It's never too late.
You- You are a slave no more, Keb.
And I will return to Egypt and work to make sure that everyone like you is freed.
Will you be returning to Egypt right away? Yes.
I have much work to do there.
I hope someday you'll visit my country.
I would like that very much.
This is for you.
I thought only pharaohs were allowed to wear this.
You're close enough.
Thanks, but I can't accept it.
Then will you accept this? You know anybody who's in the market for some cheap thrills? Uh, it looks like you're giving up on the House of Horrors.
Yeah, it looks like.
Especially after that excitement last night.
I have all this wax left over.
About a ton of it.
What do I do with it? I'm thinking crayons, wax candles, chariot wheels' wax.
You could always donate it to a good cause.
Donate it? It's just a thought.
Oh, hey, you'd be a hero.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
Hero.
Wax.
Hero.
Wax.
Her - Wax heroes.
A house of wax heroes! No, no, no, no, think about it! Think - celebrities, politicians, gods, sports figures.
Hercules, you would look terrific in wax.
What do you think, huh? Uh, walk me to the front gate.
Huh? No, really, think of it.
Little dolls in action poses.
That could work.
Good-bye, Salmoneus.
Wait a second.
Let me talk about this with you, huh? This thing weighs a ton.
Well, at least it's harmless.