Impractical Jokers (2017) s03e04 Episode Script
Nationals Disaster
Narrator: COMING UP, WHY IS Q GETTING CREAMED? [ LAUGHTER .]
GETTING CREAMED? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? GUESS WHO.
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? GUESS WHO.
Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG GUESS WHO.
Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED PUNISHMENT.
LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED PUNISHMENT.
OH [BLEEP.]
PUNISHMENT.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
WE'RE HERE AT FAIRWAY SUPERMARKET, SHOPPING WITH THE SUPERMARKET, SHOPPING WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE OF BROOKLYN.
GOOD PEOPLE OF BROOKLYN.
WHILE BROWSING THE AISLES, WHILE BROWSING THE AISLES, WE'RE GOING TO DO AND SAY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER GUYS TELL US.
THE OTHER GUYS TELL US.
AND IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
HEY, JOE.
WHERE IS JOE? WHERE IS JOE? HERE HE COMES.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN, HE'S IN A RUSH.
MAN, HE'S IN A RUSH.
JOE, SHOP LIKE YOUR LIFE JOE, SHOP LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.
DEPENDS ON IT.
HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY UP! HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
THEY PUT WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
THEY PUT THE MACARONI? [ LAUGHTER .]
THE MACARONI? [ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? OH, LOOK AT HIM.
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR [ LAUGHTER .]
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR SURVEILLANCE.
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR SURVEILLANCE.
REPORT BACK TO US WHAT YOU FIND.
I GOT EYES ON THE WOMAN IN THE SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS GALLON OF MILK IN [ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS GALLON OF MILK IN HAND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEEMS LIKE THIS COUPLE MIGHT BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
SEEMS LIKE THIS COUPLE MIGHT BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT BEHIND ME.
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT BEHIND ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
BEHIND ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS [ LAUGHS .]
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS DISENGAGED.
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS DISENGAGED.
THE MALE SUBJECT'S ON THE MOVE.
DISENGAGED.
THE MALE SUBJECT'S ON THE MOVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS BLUE PANTS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'VE BEEN MADE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'VE BEEN MADE.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
I'VE BEEN MADE.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD FIT.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD FIT.
OH, WOW.
FIT.
OH, WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH [ LAUGHTER .]
UH ALL RIGHT, BUD, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
UH ALL RIGHT, BUD, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THAT.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN ON A MISSION.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN ON A MISSION.
YEAH.
MAN ON A MISSION.
YEAH.
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! YEAH.
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
READY? 1, 2, 3! YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
READY? 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
READY? 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHS .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO MUCH DAIRY.
SO MUCH DAIRY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS GUY WITH THE [ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS GUY WITH THE HEADPHONES IN? SEE THIS GUY WITH THE HEADPHONES IN? GET HIS ATTENTION.
HEADPHONES IN? GET HIS ATTENTION.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
GET HIS ATTENTION.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
THAT'S IT.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
THAT'S IT.
I'M SORRY.
OH.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE WAS SO FREAKED OUT.
HE WAS SO FREAKED OUT.
SAL, PUSH INTO THIS WOMAN'S CART.
SAL, PUSH INTO THIS WOMAN'S CART.
HIJACK IT.
CART.
HIJACK IT.
OH.
HIJACK IT.
OH.
GO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, THE KID -- HIJACK HIS CART.
SAL, THE KID -- HIJACK HIS CART.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE FATHER -- HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAPPENED! [ LAUGHTER .]
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, [ LAUGHTER .]
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, SAL.
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
HERE HE IS, JUST PICKING UP SOME GROCERIES.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SOME GROCERIES.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SHIRT, BUDDY.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SHIRT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHING .]
SHIRT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHING .]
HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS [ LAUGHING .]
HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS FAIRWAY.
YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS FAIRWAY.
OH! OH! THERE HE IS.
OH! THERE HE IS.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN.
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AM I? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! [ LAUGHS .]
A SUPERVILLAIN! [ LAUGHS .]
OH, IT'S A STANDOFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY SAID, "EAT WHIPPED CREAM.
" Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CREAM.
" Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
OH.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BY THE WAY, BUD, WHIPPED CREAM'S NOT A GOOD LOOK.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER ON THE HANDLEBAR.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! WASN'T ME.
TURN, TURN, TURN! WASN'T ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WASN'T ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH! [ DING! .]
GET THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
GET THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHS .]
ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHS .]
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI [ LAUGHS .]
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
POINT TO THAT CART AND ASK THEM WHERE THEY GOT THAT.
I'M SORRY.
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM WHERE THEY GOT THAT.
I'M SORRY.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM? WHAT AISLE WAS THAT IN? NO, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NO, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UH, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UH, THE KID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH, THE KID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- [ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MEN ARE STERILE.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MEN ARE STERILE.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? MEN ARE STERILE.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? YEAH.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? YEAH.
SORRY.
I'M STERILE.
YEAH.
SORRY.
I'M STERILE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR.
YO.
MURR.
YO.
BE CAREFUL.
YO.
BE CAREFUL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
BE CAREFUL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO LOOK OUT.
THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO LOOK OUT.
LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
LOOK OUT.
LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! WHOA! IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
WHOA! IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
I'M SO SORRY.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
I'M SO SORRY.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
WOW.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
WOW.
THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
WOW.
THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? WHAT'S UP? CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? WHAT'S UP? I HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S UP? I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS DEAL.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY DEAL.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
[ LAUGHS .]
THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET [ LAUGHTER .]
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET IN THE SUPERMARKET.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET IN THE SUPERMARKET.
SERIOUSLY? IN THE SUPERMARKET.
SERIOUSLY? YES.
SERIOUSLY? YES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
YES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
I'M JAMES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
I'M JAMES.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
I'M JAMES.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
WHOA! THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
WHOA! I MEAN, NOT ME.
WHOA! I MEAN, NOT ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I MEAN, NOT ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T [ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP Narrator: JOE COULDN'T PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
OOH! PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
OOH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
OOH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
WHAT'S IN IT? [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
WHAT'S IN IT? SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE WHAT'S IN IT? SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE THAT'S BEEN PACKED BY THE OTHER SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE THAT'S BEEN PACKED BY THE OTHER GUYS.
THE GOAL WAS TO CONVINCE A STRANGER TO KEEP THE ITEM.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP STRANGER TO KEEP THE ITEM.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
THE MYSTERY BAG! THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
THE MYSTERY BAG! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
THE MYSTERY BAG! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
ENOUGH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
ENOUGH! WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME ENOUGH! WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, "EXCUSE ME.
WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, "EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN "EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN THIS BAG"? I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN THIS BAG"? THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, THIS BAG"? THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, BUDDY.
THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, BUDDY.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
BUDDY.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND YOU.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND YOU.
HOW ABOUT THIS LADY? HOW ABOUT THIS LADY? EXCUSE ME.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND EXCUSE ME.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND IT'S A GREAT FIND.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND IT'S A GREAT FIND.
IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S A GREAT FIND.
IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S JUST IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S JUST THERE IT IS.
IT'S JUST THERE IT IS.
IT'S GRANDMA OIL.
THERE IT IS.
IT'S GRANDMA OIL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS, UH -- IT'S 80 YEARS WORTH OF OIL.
THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE WORTH OF OIL.
THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF IT.
ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF IT.
IT'S LIMITED.
IT'S LIMITED.
THERE'S ONE JAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S ONE JAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, RIGHT? YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, RIGHT? YOU COULD REAPPLY.
RIGHT? YOU COULD REAPPLY.
WHAT, TO YOUR OWN YOU COULD REAPPLY.
WHAT, TO YOUR OWN GRANDMOTHER? WHAT, TO YOUR OWN GRANDMOTHER? YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING GRANDMOTHER? YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING OUT.
YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING OUT.
YOU CAN OUT.
YOU CAN YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
YOU CAN YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
TASTES GOOD ON A SALAD.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
TASTES GOOD ON A SALAD.
[ LAUGHS .]
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GATHER OIL FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER EVERY DAY? IT'S HARD.
GATHER OIL FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER EVERY DAY? IT'S HARD.
YEAH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS YEAH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS WANT TO DO IT.
SHE'S FICKLE.
WANT TO DO IT.
SHE'S FICKLE.
WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, SHE'S FICKLE.
WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND LESS.
THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND LESS.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS LESS.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
"SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
"SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" "WHAT?" "SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" "WHAT?" SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS "WHAT?" SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS GRANDMA OIL, THIS IS YOURS TO SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS GRANDMA OIL, THIS IS YOURS TO KEEP, FROM ME TO YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE GRANDMA OIL -- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
OIL -- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
BYE.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
BYE.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
BYE.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
NO DICE, BUDDY.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
NO DICE, BUDDY.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE NO DICE, BUDDY.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE GRANDMA OIL.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE GRANDMA OIL.
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
GRANDMA OIL.
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
[ BUZZER .]
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
[ BUZZER .]
MYSTERY BAG, HUH? [ BUZZER .]
MYSTERY BAG, HUH? I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT MYSTERY BAG, HUH? I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS ENTIRE TIME.
MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS ENTIRE TIME.
THE BAG OF MYSTERY? ENTIRE TIME.
THE BAG OF MYSTERY? I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, THE BAG OF MYSTERY? I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE.
AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE.
YEAH, YEAH.
BELIEVE.
YEAH, YEAH.
WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A YEAH, YEAH.
WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY PHOTO? DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY PHOTO? HERE WE GO.
PHOTO? HERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
HERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT, BUD, YEAH.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT, BUD, YEAH.
OH, LET ME TALK TO YOU ONE OH, LET ME TALK TO YOU ONE SECOND.
GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
SECOND.
GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED IT.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED IT.
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
IT.
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UM [ CHUCKLES .]
UM THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU UM THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY.
THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY.
BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, SPECIFICALLY.
BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, I THINK -- BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, I THINK -- YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? I THINK -- YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
ARE YOU SERIOUS? I WONDER WHAT'S IN THE BAG.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
I WONDER WHAT'S IN THE BAG.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD "MYSTERY.
" THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD "MYSTERY.
" IT COULD BE A SACK OF "MYSTERY.
" IT COULD BE A SACK OF BANANAS.
IT COULD BE A SACK OF BANANAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BANANAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY IN THERE.
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY IN THERE.
WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND IN THERE.
WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND AROUND WITH THEM? WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND AROUND WITH THEM? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? AROUND WITH THEM? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU PEEK? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU PEEK? I -- DID YOU PEEK? I -- [ LAUGHTER .]
I -- [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU JERKS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU JERKS.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU JERKS.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE THIS AWAY.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE THIS AWAY.
IT'S FREE.
THIS AWAY.
IT'S FREE.
I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, IT'S FREE.
I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT YET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
ANYTHING.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
WELL PLAYED.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
WELL PLAYED.
IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
WELL PLAYED.
IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN NOW.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN NOW.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS NOW.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS TO ANYONE.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS TO ANYONE.
HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
TO ANYONE.
HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
ENH! HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
ENH! THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
ENH! THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[ BUZZER .]
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR [ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
THIS SMELLS MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
THIS SMELLS DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? THIS SMELLS DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS.
IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
CARCASS.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
[ CHUCKLES .]
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR [ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR ME.
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR ME.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S ME.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S PRETTY HOT OUT.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S PRETTY HOT OUT.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN PRETTY HOT OUT.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN THERE RIGHT AWAY.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN THERE RIGHT AWAY.
YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
THERE RIGHT AWAY.
YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY BAG HERE? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY BAG HERE? WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? BAG HERE? WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE BAG? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE BAG? YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? BAG? YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? MYSTERY BAG.
YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? MYSTERY BAG.
[ LAUGHING .]
MYSTERY BAG.
[ LAUGHING .]
HI.
HOW YOU DOING? [ LAUGHING .]
HI.
HOW YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? HI.
HOW YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT GOOD.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- OH, YOU'RE BROKE? OH, YOU'RE BROKE? GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
IT'S, UH I HAVE -- I HAVE SOMETHING.
I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- ABSOLUTELY -- OH, YOU'RE BROKE? OH, YOU'RE BROKE? GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
IT'S, UH IT'S, UH OH, MY GOOD GOD.
OH, MY GOOD GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU LIKE SEAFOOD? DO YOU LIKE SEAFOOD? I SAW IT SWIMMING AROUND.
I SAW IT SWIMMING AROUND.
IT DOESN'T SMELL.
IT DOESN'T SMELL.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! DISGUSTING! DISGUSTING! I CAUGHT THIS IN THAT I CAUGHT THIS IN THAT FOUNTAIN OVER THERE.
FOUNTAIN OVER THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT IT? DO YOU WANT IT? SHE'S RUNNING LIKE THE SHE'S RUNNING LIKE THE TERMINATOR FROM "TERMINATOR 2.
" TERMINATOR FROM "TERMINATOR 2.
" SHE'S JUST LIKE, "AAH!" SHE'S JUST LIKE, "AAH!" I KNOW YOU LOVE SUSHI.
I KNOW YOU LOVE SUSHI.
YOU WANT SOME? YOU WANT SOME? [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU WANT IT? YOU WANT IT? I'M GIVING IT AWAY.
I'M GIVING IT AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
HERE YOU GO, MAN.
HERE YOU GO, MAN.
I KNOW.
IT'S NUTS.
TAKE IT.
I KNOW.
IT'S NUTS.
TAKE IT.
IF HE TAKES THAT, I'M GONNA IF HE TAKES THAT, I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE, SO BE PREPARED.
PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE, SO BE PREPARED.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
PREPARED.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
OH, MY GOD! THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
OH, MY GOD! HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! OH, MY GOD! HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! WHAT? HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! WHAT? HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH WHAT? HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH IT.
HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR [ DING! .]
Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF THESE PEOPLE.
THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF THESE PEOPLE.
THE CATCH IS, WE DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
THE CATCH IS, WE DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE.
AND WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP DOING IT UNTIL WE FIND THE PERSON THE IT UNTIL WE FIND THE PERSON THE OTHER GUYS HAVE SECRETLY CHOSEN.
OTHER GUYS HAVE SECRETLY CHOSEN.
IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON THAT THE OTHER GUYS PICKED, YOU THAT THE OTHER GUYS PICKED, YOU LOSE.
LOSE.
CLING CLANG! CLING CLANG! Narrator: IT'S JOE AND MURR Narrator: IT'S JOE AND MURR IN A JOKER VS.
JOKER CHALLENGE.
IN A JOKER VS.
JOKER CHALLENGE.
GUYS, HOW ABOUT THIS GUY GUYS, HOW ABOUT THIS GUY RIGHT HERE? RIGHT HERE? YES.
YES.
OLD GUY, GREEN HAT.
OLD GUY, GREEN HAT.
YES, YES, YES.
YES, YES, YES.
READY, JOE? READY, JOE? YEP.
YEP.
WE HAVE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WE HAVE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE DOING? ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE DOING? GO UP TO PEOPLE FROM BEHIND, GO UP TO PEOPLE FROM BEHIND, COVER THEIR EYES, AND ASK THEM COVER THEIR EYES, AND ASK THEM "GUESS WHO.
" "GUESS WHO.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LIKE THE WAY THAT STARTED.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
I LIKE THE WAY THAT STARTED.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? [ LAUGHTER .]
UH [ LAUGHTER .]
UH WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT UH WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
OH, YEAH? MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
OH, YEAH? [ LAUGHS .]
OH, YEAH? [ LAUGHS .]
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE [ LAUGHS .]
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE CHOSE? YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE CHOSE? IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT CHOSE? IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT HERE-SKI.
IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT HERE-SKI.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A HERE-SKI.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A LITTLE MORE.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY THANK YOU.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY SUSPICIONS.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY SUSPICIONS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUSPICIONS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO [ LAUGHTER .]
BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU WANT TO STEP THIS UP? BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU WANT TO STEP THIS UP? GUESS WHO.
WANT TO STEP THIS UP? GUESS WHO.
HUH? IS THAT IT? GUESS WHO.
HUH? IS THAT IT? NOPE.
HUH? IS THAT IT? NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, ALL RIGHT.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
NO, ALL RIGHT.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
JOE.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
JOE.
HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
JOE.
HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY PEOPLE EATING.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY PEOPLE EATING.
[ SQUEALS .]
PEOPLE EATING.
[ SQUEALS .]
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
[ SQUEALS .]
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS THE GUY.
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS THE GUY.
THE GUY'S LEAVING! THIS IS THE GUY.
THE GUY'S LEAVING! JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE THE GUY'S LEAVING! JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, YOU LOSE.
FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, YOU LOSE.
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? YOU LOSE.
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! OH, GOD! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! OH, GOD! IT'S OVER.
OH, GOD! IT'S OVER.
TICK TICK TICK BOOM! IT'S OVER.
TICK TICK TICK BOOM! HOW DID AN OLD MAN OUTRUN ME? TICK TICK TICK BOOM! HOW DID AN OLD MAN OUTRUN ME? [ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE PICKING THIS GUY RIGHT HERE WITH THE TWO CHICKS.
THIS GUY RIGHT HERE WITH THE TWO CHICKS.
IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
CHICKS.
IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE GUY.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE GUY.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT GUY.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, MY FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, MY FRIEND.
YOU GOT TO SHOOT AN OBVIOUS EVIL YOU GOT TO SHOOT AN OBVIOUS EVIL LOOK IN THEIR FACE.
OH, THIS LOOK? LOOK IN THEIR FACE.
OH, THIS LOOK? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THIS LOOK? [ LAUGHTER .]
RIGHT, RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RIGHT, RIGHT.
THAT'S IT.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? I'M GOING IN.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? I'M GOING IN.
HERE HE GOES.
I'M GOING IN.
HERE HE GOES.
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
HERE HE GOES.
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! NICE TRY.
ENH! NICE TRY.
THIS IS GREAT.
NICE TRY.
THIS IS GREAT.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED THIS IS GREAT.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED ENEMIES.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED ENEMIES.
I KNOW.
ENEMIES.
I KNOW.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN I KNOW.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN PINK RIGHT HERE, THE MOTHER.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN PINK RIGHT HERE, THE MOTHER.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! WRONG ONE, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
ENH! WRONG ONE, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU LOSE.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU LOSE.
SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
YOU LOSE.
SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS GOOD, MA'AM? THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS GOOD, MA'AM? NOT HER.
GOOD, MA'AM? NOT HER.
NOPE.
NOT HER.
NOPE.
WRONG FELLA.
NOPE.
WRONG FELLA.
NOT HER.
WRONG FELLA.
NOT HER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOT HER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I GOT IT.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT I GOT IT.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THERE.
UH-HUH.
THERE.
UH-HUH.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, UH-HUH.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
I'M RIGHT BY THEM.
COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
I'M RIGHT BY THEM.
YEAH, I'M RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! ENH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
I GIVE UP.
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
I GIVE UP.
THIS IS CRAZY.
I GIVE UP.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WHO IS IT? THIS IS CRAZY.
WHO IS IT? IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT WHO IS IT? IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! THIS GUY? OF YOU! THIS GUY? YEAH! THIS GUY? YEAH! I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE YEAH! I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE WAS WITH.
I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE WAS WITH.
I DIDN'T -- OH! WAS WITH.
I DIDN'T -- OH! DAMN IT.
I DIDN'T -- OH! DAMN IT.
[ BUZZER .]
DAMN IT.
[ BUZZER .]
Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND [ BUZZER .]
Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IT'S A LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IT'S A LOSER.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, IT'S A LOSER.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
OKAY, I GET IT.
STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
OKAY, I GET IT.
HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
OKAY, I GET IT.
HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? DO IT BETTER.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? EVERYTHING.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
UP.
BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
UP.
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
UP.
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ LAUGHTER .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A [ LAUGHTER .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL HOLY [BLEEP.]
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL YOU CAN DO BETTER.
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL YOU CAN DO BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I [ LAUGHTER .]
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER.
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER.
SO WHEN YOU SEE THE GOOD STUFF, COULD DO IT BETTER.
SO WHEN YOU SEE THE GOOD STUFF, I WANT YOU TO TAKE THAT IN.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! EVEN IF YOU FALL, YOU WANT TO USE THE MOMENTUM TO KEEP GOING.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT USE THE MOMENTUM TO KEEP GOING.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER TO THE VAULT.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER TO THE VAULT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TO THE VAULT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE LANDING.
DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE LANDING.
OKAY.
LANDING.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
OH [BLEEP.]
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
HERE WE GO.
TAKE A LOOK.
HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I NAILED THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
I CAN'T GET OUT.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
I CAN'T GET OUT.
IT WAS NOTHING.
I CAN'T GET OUT.
IT WAS NOTHING.
HE JUST FELL! IT WAS NOTHING.
HE JUST FELL! HE JUST HE JUST FELL! HE JUST YOU TWO IDIOTS HE JUST YOU TWO IDIOTS WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU TWO IDIOTS WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THE PIT.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THE PIT.
GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL THE PIT.
GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL FOR HELP! GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL FOR HELP! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! FOR HELP! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ GRUNTS .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ GRUNTS .]
HEY, MAN.
[ GRUNTS .]
HEY, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO [ LAUGHTER .]
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED SAL AND MURR.
BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED SAL AND MURR.
CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SAL AND MURR.
CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! [ LAUGHTER .]
UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR NATIONALS.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR NATIONALS.
AND CUE THE MUSIC.
NATIONALS.
AND CUE THE MUSIC.
OH, THERE'S MUSIC? AND CUE THE MUSIC.
OH, THERE'S MUSIC? THERE'S MU-- OH, THERE'S MUSIC? THERE'S MU-- THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO THERE'S MU-- THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO NATIONALS.
THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO NATIONALS.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
NATIONALS.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S HAPPENING.
OH! OH, MY -- NATIONALS, WHAT? OH, MY -- NATIONALS, WHAT? YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
NATIONALS, WHAT? YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RIBBONS! [ LAUGHTER .]
RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! WHAT IS HE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS ALL I GOT.
I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! YOU WON ME OVER, BABY!
GETTING CREAMED? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? GUESS WHO.
WHAT HAS JOE PLAYING GAMES? GUESS WHO.
Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG GUESS WHO.
Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED Narrator: AND TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED PUNISHMENT.
LOSER FACES AN OLYMPIC-SIZED PUNISHMENT.
OH [BLEEP.]
PUNISHMENT.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING [ LAUGHTER .]
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
PREPARE FOR SOMETHING AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? AMAZING.
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MUSTACHE, WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WANT MY MOMMY! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU! LARRY! [ LAUGHTER .]
WE'RE HERE AT FAIRWAY SUPERMARKET, SHOPPING WITH THE SUPERMARKET, SHOPPING WITH THE GOOD PEOPLE OF BROOKLYN.
GOOD PEOPLE OF BROOKLYN.
WHILE BROWSING THE AISLES, WHILE BROWSING THE AISLES, WE'RE GOING TO DO AND SAY WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO AND SAY WHAT THE OTHER GUYS TELL US.
THE OTHER GUYS TELL US.
AND IF YOU REFUSE, YOU LOSE.
HEY, JOE.
WHERE IS JOE? WHERE IS JOE? HERE HE COMES.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN, HE'S IN A RUSH.
MAN, HE'S IN A RUSH.
JOE, SHOP LIKE YOUR LIFE JOE, SHOP LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.
DEPENDS ON IT.
HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY UP! HURRY UP, HURRY UP, HURRY UP! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
THEY PUT WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
THEY PUT THE MACARONI? [ LAUGHTER .]
THE MACARONI? [ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? THERE'S OTHER PASTAS.
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE THE [BLEEP.]
FUSILLI? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, LOOK AT HIM.
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? OH, LOOK AT HIM.
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE RIGATONES? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHING .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
WHERE'S THE PAPPARDELLE? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
HOW YOU FEELING, PAL? [ LAUGHTER .]
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR [ LAUGHTER .]
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR SURVEILLANCE.
JOE, THIS AISLE'S UNDER YOUR SURVEILLANCE.
REPORT BACK TO US WHAT YOU FIND.
I GOT EYES ON THE WOMAN IN THE SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE SCARF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS GALLON OF MILK IN [ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS GALLON OF MILK IN HAND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEEMS LIKE THIS COUPLE MIGHT BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
SEEMS LIKE THIS COUPLE MIGHT BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BE, UH, SUSPICIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT BEHIND ME.
HE'S HAVING A MEETING RIGHT BEHIND ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
BEHIND ME.
[ LAUGHS .]
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS [ LAUGHS .]
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS DISENGAGED.
THE FEMALE SUBJECT HAS DISENGAGED.
THE MALE SUBJECT'S ON THE MOVE.
DISENGAGED.
THE MALE SUBJECT'S ON THE MOVE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUBJECT HAS BLUE PANTS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'VE BEEN MADE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I'VE BEEN MADE.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
I'VE BEEN MADE.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHE'S ON THE MOVE.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
STOP THIS GUY.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
SHOW HIM THE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD THESE ARE MINI CUCUMBERS.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD FIT.
ASK HIM HOW MANY HE COULD FIT.
OH, WOW.
FIT.
OH, WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, WOW.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH [ LAUGHTER .]
UH ALL RIGHT, BUD, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
UH ALL RIGHT, BUD, HAVE A GOOD DAY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT THAT.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN ON A MISSION.
HERE HE COMES.
MAN ON A MISSION.
YEAH.
MAN ON A MISSION.
YEAH.
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! YEAH.
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL BE SHOPPIN'! [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP [ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
SAL, ON 3, I WANT YOU TO WHIP YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
READY? 1, 2, 3! YOUR CART TO THE RIGHT.
READY? 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
READY? 1, 2, 3! [ LAUGHTER .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHS .]
I WAS GONNA GET BUTTER.
[ LAUGHS .]
SO MUCH DAIRY.
SO MUCH DAIRY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS GUY WITH THE [ LAUGHTER .]
SEE THIS GUY WITH THE HEADPHONES IN? SEE THIS GUY WITH THE HEADPHONES IN? GET HIS ATTENTION.
HEADPHONES IN? GET HIS ATTENTION.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
GET HIS ATTENTION.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
THAT'S IT.
NOW WAVE AT HIM.
THAT'S IT.
I'M SORRY.
OH.
HI.
HI.
HI.
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HI.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE WAS SO FREAKED OUT.
HE WAS SO FREAKED OUT.
SAL, PUSH INTO THIS WOMAN'S CART.
SAL, PUSH INTO THIS WOMAN'S CART.
HIJACK IT.
CART.
HIJACK IT.
OH.
HIJACK IT.
OH.
GO.
[ LAUGHTER .]
KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING! [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL, THE KID -- HIJACK HIS CART.
SAL, THE KID -- HIJACK HIS CART.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
THE FATHER -- HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED! [ LAUGHTER .]
WHAT HAPPENED! [ LAUGHTER .]
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, [ LAUGHTER .]
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, SAL.
TELL THIS KID TO KEEP QUIET, SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SAL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
HERE HE IS, JUST PICKING UP SOME GROCERIES.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SOME GROCERIES.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SHIRT, BUDDY.
I'M GLAD YOU WORE A SUPERHERO SHIRT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHING .]
SHIRT, BUDDY.
[ LAUGHING .]
HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS [ LAUGHING .]
HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE HEY, Q, WORD ON THE STREET IS YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS FAIRWAY.
YOUR ARCH-NEMESIS IS RIGHT HERE IN THIS FAIRWAY.
OH! OH! THERE HE IS.
OH! THERE HE IS.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN.
WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
AM I? OH, I DON'T KNOW.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! A SUPERVILLAIN! [ LAUGHS .]
A SUPERVILLAIN! [ LAUGHS .]
OH, IT'S A STANDOFF.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOBODY SAID, "EAT WHIPPED CREAM.
" Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CREAM.
" Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED Q, WHEN PEOPLE LEAVE THEIR CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
CART, PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
OH.
OH! [ LAUGHTER .]
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BY THE WAY, BUD, WHIPPED CREAM'S NOT A GOOD LOOK.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! PUT A DOLLOP OF WHIPPED CREAM ON THE HANDLEBAR.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER ON THE HANDLEBAR.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
PUT SOME WHIPPED CREAM ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHS .]
YOUR FACE.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, HE JUST PUT HIS HANDS IN IT! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! TURN AROUND! TURN, TURN, TURN! WASN'T ME.
TURN, TURN, TURN! WASN'T ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WASN'T ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YEAH! [ DING! .]
GET THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
GET THIS WOMAN RIGHT HERE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHS .]
ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHS .]
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI [ LAUGHS .]
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
MY PRIEST SAYS I LIKE ZUCCHINI TOO MUCH.
[ LAUGHTER .]
POINT TO THAT CART AND ASK THEM WHERE THEY GOT THAT.
I'M SORRY.
WHERE DID YOU GET THEM WHERE THEY GOT THAT.
I'M SORRY.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT FROM? WHAT AISLE WAS THAT IN? NO, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NO, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UH, THE KID.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UH, THE KID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH, THE KID.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- [ LAUGHTER .]
I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D I CAN'T MAKE ANY OF MY OWN -- I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
I'M BARREN -- SO I THOUGHT I'D COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
COME TO THE SUPERMARKET.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MAYBE THEY HAD SOME.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MEN ARE STERILE.
A WOMAN IS BARREN, YOU IDIOT.
MEN ARE STERILE.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? MEN ARE STERILE.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? YEAH.
WOMEN ARE BARREN, IS IT? YEAH.
SORRY.
I'M STERILE.
YEAH.
SORRY.
I'M STERILE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
MURR.
YO.
MURR.
YO.
BE CAREFUL.
YO.
BE CAREFUL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
BE CAREFUL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
THESE CARTS ARE SLIPPERY.
THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THEY GET OUT OF CONTROL.
JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO JUST SEND YOUR CART FLYING DOWN THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO LOOK OUT.
THE AISLE AND TELL EVERYONE TO LOOK OUT.
LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
LOOK OUT.
LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? LOSE CONTROL OF IT.
OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! OH, LIKE A RUNAWAY CART? IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! WHOA! IT'S A RUNAWAY CART! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! AAH! WHOA! IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
WHOA! IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT GOT RIGHT OUT OF MY HANDS.
I'M SO SORRY.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
I'M SO SORRY.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
WOW.
SHE JUMPED OUT OF HER SHOES.
WOW.
THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
WOW.
THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? THIS WOMAN -- STOP HER.
CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? WHAT'S UP? CAN I STOP YOU FOR ONE SEC? WHAT'S UP? I HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT'S UP? I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
I HAVE TO TELL YOU MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS MY WIFE AND I HAVE A DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS DEAL.
MY WIFE AND I HAVE THIS DEAL.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY DEAL.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYBODY THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
[ LAUGHS .]
THAT WE MEET AT THE SUPERMARKET.
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET [ LAUGHTER .]
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET IN THE SUPERMARKET.
WE CAN SLEEP WITH ANYONE WE MEET IN THE SUPERMARKET.
SERIOUSLY? IN THE SUPERMARKET.
SERIOUSLY? YES.
SERIOUSLY? YES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
YES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
I'M JAMES.
SO, HI, I'M JAMES.
I'M JAMES.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
I'M JAMES.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT'S UP? I'M HAILEY.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
HAILEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
WHOA! THAT'S A REALLY COOL RULE.
WHOA! I MEAN, NOT ME.
WHOA! I MEAN, NOT ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I MEAN, NOT ME.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHING .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T [ DING! .]
Narrator: JOE COULDN'T PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP Narrator: JOE COULDN'T PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
PRODUCE A WIN, SO HE'S FIRST UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
TODAY, WE'RE APPROACHING PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
OOH! PARK-GOERS WITH THE MYSTERY BAG.
OOH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
OOH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
WHAT'S IN IT? [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
WHAT'S IN IT? SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE WHAT'S IN IT? SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE THAT'S BEEN PACKED BY THE OTHER SOMETHING COMPLETELY BIZARRE THAT'S BEEN PACKED BY THE OTHER GUYS.
THE GOAL WAS TO CONVINCE A STRANGER TO KEEP THE ITEM.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP STRANGER TO KEEP THE ITEM.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
IF YOU CAN'T GET THEM TO KEEP THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
THE MYSTERY BAG! THE ITEM, YOU LOSE.
THE MYSTERY BAG! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
THE MYSTERY BAG! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
ENOUGH! [ LAUGHS EVILLY .]
ENOUGH! WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME ENOUGH! WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, WHO'S GOING TO STOP FOR ME WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, "EXCUSE ME.
WHEN I APPROACH THEM AND SAY, "EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN "EXCUSE ME.
I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN THIS BAG"? I WANT TO GIVE YOU WHAT'S IN THIS BAG"? THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, THIS BAG"? THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, BUDDY.
THAT'S NOT OUR PROBLEM, BUDDY.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
BUDDY.
IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND YOU.
HERE YOU GO, SAL -- BEHIND YOU.
HOW ABOUT THIS LADY? HOW ABOUT THIS LADY? EXCUSE ME.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND EXCUSE ME.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND IT'S A GREAT FIND.
I'M GIVING THIS AWAY TODAY, AND IT'S A GREAT FIND.
IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S A GREAT FIND.
IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S JUST IF YOU WANT IT, I JUST IT'S JUST THERE IT IS.
IT'S JUST THERE IT IS.
IT'S GRANDMA OIL.
THERE IT IS.
IT'S GRANDMA OIL.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THIS IS, UH -- IT'S 80 YEARS WORTH OF OIL.
THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE WORTH OF OIL.
THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK THINK ABOUT THE THINGS YOU USE OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED OIL FOR EVERY DAY, AND NOW THINK ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF IT.
ABOUT IF YOU HAD AN UNLIMITED SUPPLY OF IT.
IT'S LIMITED.
IT'S LIMITED.
THERE'S ONE JAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THERE'S ONE JAR.
[ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A [ LAUGHTER .]
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE WELL, ACTUALLY, IT IS A LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED LIMITED SUPPLY, BUT THE OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
OPPORTUNITY WITH IT IS UNLIMITED IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, IF YOU REALLY TRY HARD.
YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, RIGHT? YOU COULD DO ANYTHING WITH THIS, RIGHT? YOU COULD REAPPLY.
RIGHT? YOU COULD REAPPLY.
WHAT, TO YOUR OWN YOU COULD REAPPLY.
WHAT, TO YOUR OWN GRANDMOTHER? WHAT, TO YOUR OWN GRANDMOTHER? YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING GRANDMOTHER? YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING OUT.
YOUR OWN GRANDMA'S DRYING OUT.
YOU CAN OUT.
YOU CAN YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
YOU CAN YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
YOU CAN PUT IT TO GET A TAN.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
TASTES GOOD ON A SALAD.
IRONICALLY, TAKES OUT WRINKLES.
TASTES GOOD ON A SALAD.
[ LAUGHS .]
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GATHER OIL FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER EVERY DAY? IT'S HARD.
GATHER OIL FROM YOUR GRANDMOTHER EVERY DAY? IT'S HARD.
YEAH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS YEAH, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T ALWAYS WANT TO DO IT.
SHE'S FICKLE.
WANT TO DO IT.
SHE'S FICKLE.
WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, SHE'S FICKLE.
WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND WHEN THEY GET UP THERE IN AGE, THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND LESS.
THEY WANT TO DO IT LESS AND LESS.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS LESS.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
IN HER 60s, MY GRANDMOTHER WAS GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING GIVING THE OIL AWAY.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
SHE'S 80 NOW -- I GOT TO WRING IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
"SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" IT OUT OF HER IN HER SLEEP.
"SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" "WHAT?" "SHUT UP, GRANDMA!" "WHAT?" SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS "WHAT?" SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS GRANDMA OIL, THIS IS YOURS TO SO, IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS GRANDMA OIL, THIS IS YOURS TO KEEP, FROM ME TO YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THE GRANDMA OIL -- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
OIL -- ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
BYE.
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.
BYE.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
BYE.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
NO DICE, BUDDY.
BIG FAIL, BRO.
NO DICE, BUDDY.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE NO DICE, BUDDY.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE GRANDMA OIL.
NO ONE'S EVER GONNA TAKE GRANDMA OIL.
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
GRANDMA OIL.
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
[ BUZZER .]
THIS IS [BLEEP.]
[ BUZZER .]
MYSTERY BAG, HUH? [ BUZZER .]
MYSTERY BAG, HUH? I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT MYSTERY BAG, HUH? I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL THAT YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS YOU HAVE NOT TAKEN THE MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS ENTIRE TIME.
MYSTERY BAG SERIOUSLY THIS ENTIRE TIME.
THE BAG OF MYSTERY? ENTIRE TIME.
THE BAG OF MYSTERY? I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, THE BAG OF MYSTERY? I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU I THINK YOU'RE A NONBELIEVER, AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE.
AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE.
YEAH, YEAH.
BELIEVE.
YEAH, YEAH.
WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A YEAH, YEAH.
WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY WHO ASKS A MAN HOLDING A DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY PHOTO? DUFFEL BAG TO TAKE A FAMILY PHOTO? HERE WE GO.
PHOTO? HERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
HERE WE GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT, BUD, YEAH.
THAT'S AWESOME.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU GOT IT, BUD, YEAH.
OH, LET ME TALK TO YOU ONE OH, LET ME TALK TO YOU ONE SECOND.
GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
SECOND.
GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS GO AHEAD, KIDS.
GO AHEAD.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I DON'T NEED WHAT I GOT IN THIS BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED BAG HERE, SO IT'S FOR FREE.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED IT.
I JUST DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WANTED IT.
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
IT.
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
BUT, UH, THIS IS -- OH.
[ CHUCKLES .]
UM [ CHUCKLES .]
UM THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU UM THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY.
THIS MAY COME IN HANDY FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY.
BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, SPECIFICALLY.
BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, I THINK -- BASED ON YOUR HISTORY, I THINK -- YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? I THINK -- YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO BE SHOOTING STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
STRAIGHT EVERY TIME.
YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU YOU GOT A HUGE FAMILY.
YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU YOU SEEM TO BE GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
DO, AND I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU WANTED TO STOP IT.
WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE WITH THE PRICE OF TUITION, YOU DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
DON'T WANT ANY MORE OF THOSE THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THINGS RUNNING AROUND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ BUZZER .]
ARE YOU SERIOUS? I WONDER WHAT'S IN THE BAG.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
I WONDER WHAT'S IN THE BAG.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG, BRO.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN THERE.
IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND IT COULD BE ANYTHING.
I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD "MYSTERY.
" THE DEFINITION OF THE WORD "MYSTERY.
" IT COULD BE A SACK OF "MYSTERY.
" IT COULD BE A SACK OF BANANAS.
IT COULD BE A SACK OF BANANAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BANANAS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY IN THERE.
YOU KNOW, THERE COULD BE A PUPPY IN THERE.
WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND IN THERE.
WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND AROUND WITH THEM? WHO CARRIES AN I.
V.
STAND AROUND WITH THEM? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? AROUND WITH THEM? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU PEEK? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DID YOU PEEK? I -- DID YOU PEEK? I -- [ LAUGHTER .]
I -- [ LAUGHTER .]
YOU JERKS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU JERKS.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU JERKS.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE THIS AWAY.
HEY, GUYS, I'M TRYING TO GIVE THIS AWAY.
IT'S FREE.
THIS AWAY.
IT'S FREE.
I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, IT'S FREE.
I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, I DON'T WANT ANY MONEY FOR IT, BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT BUT LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT IS, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OUT YET.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
IT'S A WORKING I.
V.
STAND.
NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! NOW -- OH [BLEEP.]
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THAT'S WHY WE DID IT! HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
HOLD ON.
HEAR ME OUT.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
THIS IS UNIVERSAL BLOOD.
THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR THIS IS TYPE O-NEGATIVE.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
YOU CAN USE IT FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
ANYTHING.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
YOU NEVER KNOW IN A PINCH.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
WELL PLAYED.
IT FELL APART ON ME.
WELL PLAYED.
IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
WELL PLAYED.
IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN IT'S A BROKEN I.
V.
STAND.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN NOW.
JUST GIVE ME A THUMBS-DOWN NOW.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS NOW.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS TO ANYONE.
THERE'S NO WAY I'M GIVING THIS TO ANYONE.
HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
TO ANYONE.
HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
ENH! HEY, OKAY, NO PROBLEM.
ENH! THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
ENH! THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[ BUZZER .]
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
[ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR [ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT, Q, THERE'S YOUR MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
THIS SMELLS MYSTERY BAG, BUDDY.
THIS SMELLS DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? THIS SMELLS DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING DOES IT SMELL OF MYSTERY? IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS.
IT JUST SMELLS LIKE A ROTTING CARCASS.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
CARCASS.
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
[ CHUCKLES .]
IT'S A MYSTERY BAG.
[ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR [ CHUCKLES .]
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR ME.
NOBODY'S GONNA WANT TO COME NEAR ME.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S ME.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S PRETTY HOT OUT.
ALL I'M TELLING YOU IS, IT'S PRETTY HOT OUT.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN PRETTY HOT OUT.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN THERE RIGHT AWAY.
I WOULD GET RID OF WHAT'S IN THERE RIGHT AWAY.
YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
THERE RIGHT AWAY.
YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY YOU'RE REALLY PRETTY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY BAG HERE? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN MY BAG HERE? WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? BAG HERE? WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE WHAT ABOUT YOU, HOT SHOT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE BAG? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S IN THE BAG? YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? BAG? YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? MYSTERY BAG.
YO, STRIPES, WHAT'S UP? MYSTERY BAG.
[ LAUGHING .]
MYSTERY BAG.
[ LAUGHING .]
HI.
HOW YOU DOING? [ LAUGHING .]
HI.
HOW YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? HI.
HOW YOU DOING? GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT GOOD.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING -- I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- OH, YOU'RE BROKE? OH, YOU'RE BROKE? GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
IT'S, UH I HAVE -- I HAVE SOMETHING.
I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING.
I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I'M ABSOLUTELY -- ABSOLUTELY -- OH, YOU'RE BROKE? OH, YOU'RE BROKE? GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
GOOD.
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
'CAUSE YOU CAN JUST HAVE THIS.
IT'S, UH IT'S, UH OH, MY GOOD GOD.
OH, MY GOOD GOD.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU LIKE SEAFOOD? DO YOU LIKE SEAFOOD? I SAW IT SWIMMING AROUND.
I SAW IT SWIMMING AROUND.
IT DOESN'T SMELL.
IT DOESN'T SMELL.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! DISGUSTING! DISGUSTING! I CAUGHT THIS IN THAT I CAUGHT THIS IN THAT FOUNTAIN OVER THERE.
FOUNTAIN OVER THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
DO YOU WANT IT? DO YOU WANT IT? SHE'S RUNNING LIKE THE SHE'S RUNNING LIKE THE TERMINATOR FROM "TERMINATOR 2.
" TERMINATOR FROM "TERMINATOR 2.
" SHE'S JUST LIKE, "AAH!" SHE'S JUST LIKE, "AAH!" I KNOW YOU LOVE SUSHI.
I KNOW YOU LOVE SUSHI.
YOU WANT SOME? YOU WANT SOME? [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU WANT IT? YOU WANT IT? I'M GIVING IT AWAY.
I'M GIVING IT AWAY.
[ CHUCKLES .]
[ CHUCKLES .]
HERE YOU GO, MAN.
HERE YOU GO, MAN.
I KNOW.
IT'S NUTS.
TAKE IT.
I KNOW.
IT'S NUTS.
TAKE IT.
IF HE TAKES THAT, I'M GONNA IF HE TAKES THAT, I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE, SO BE PREPARED.
PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE, SO BE PREPARED.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
PREPARED.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
GO AHEAD AND TAKE THAT.
THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
OH, MY GOD! THERE YOU GO.
SWEET.
OH, MY GOD! HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! OH, MY GOD! HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! WHAT? HE GAVE HIM THE FISH! WHAT? HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH WHAT? HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH IT.
HE'S GOT TO WALK AWAY WITH IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
IS HE WALKING AWAY WITH IT? HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S WALKING AWAY WITH IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
OH -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ DING! .]
Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR [ DING! .]
Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO Narrator: SAL, JOE, AND MURR COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
COULDN'T FIND ANY TAKERS, SO THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, THEY'RE UP ON THE LOSER BOARD.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
TODAY, WE'RE IN THE MALL, PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK PLAYING FOOD-COURT ROULETTE.
WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF WE'LL EACH BE GIVEN A TASK THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF THESE PEOPLE.
THAT WE'LL HAVE TO DO TO ONE OF THESE PEOPLE.
THE CATCH IS, WE DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE.
THE CATCH IS, WE DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE.
AND WE'LL HAVE TO KEEP DOING IT UNTIL WE FIND THE PERSON THE IT UNTIL WE FIND THE PERSON THE OTHER GUYS HAVE SECRETLY CHOSEN.
OTHER GUYS HAVE SECRETLY CHOSEN.
IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON IF YOU CAN'T FIND THE PERSON THAT THE OTHER GUYS PICKED, YOU THAT THE OTHER GUYS PICKED, YOU LOSE.
LOSE.
CLING CLANG! CLING CLANG! Narrator: IT'S JOE AND MURR Narrator: IT'S JOE AND MURR IN A JOKER VS.
JOKER CHALLENGE.
IN A JOKER VS.
JOKER CHALLENGE.
GUYS, HOW ABOUT THIS GUY GUYS, HOW ABOUT THIS GUY RIGHT HERE? RIGHT HERE? YES.
YES.
OLD GUY, GREEN HAT.
OLD GUY, GREEN HAT.
YES, YES, YES.
YES, YES, YES.
READY, JOE? READY, JOE? YEP.
YEP.
WE HAVE THE CHOSEN ONE.
WE HAVE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE DOING? ALL RIGHT, WHAT ARE WE DOING? GO UP TO PEOPLE FROM BEHIND, GO UP TO PEOPLE FROM BEHIND, COVER THEIR EYES, AND ASK THEM COVER THEIR EYES, AND ASK THEM "GUESS WHO.
" "GUESS WHO.
" [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I LIKE THE WAY THAT STARTED.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
I LIKE THE WAY THAT STARTED.
I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? I DIDN'T LIKE THE FINISH.
WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? WHAT, GO UP BEHIND PEOPLE? THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? [ LAUGHTER .]
THAT'S THE PART YOU LIKE? [ LAUGHTER .]
UH [ LAUGHTER .]
UH WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT UH WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
WELL, THERE'S SOMEBODY THAT MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
OH, YEAH? MIGHT BE OF INTEREST.
OH, YEAH? [ LAUGHS .]
OH, YEAH? [ LAUGHS .]
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE [ LAUGHS .]
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE CHOSE? YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO WE CHOSE? IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT CHOSE? IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT HERE-SKI.
IT MIGHT BE THIS CAT RIGHT HERE-SKI.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A HERE-SKI.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A LITTLE MORE.
JOE, I THINK YOU TO BROWSE A LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LITTLE MORE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU.
[ LAUGHTER .]
THANK YOU.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY THANK YOU.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY SUSPICIONS.
AND THAT'S CONFIRMED MY SUSPICIONS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
SUSPICIONS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO [ LAUGHTER .]
BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU BUDDY, I DON'T WANT TO BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU WANT TO STEP THIS UP? BROWBEAT YOU ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU WANT TO STEP THIS UP? GUESS WHO.
WANT TO STEP THIS UP? GUESS WHO.
HUH? IS THAT IT? GUESS WHO.
HUH? IS THAT IT? NOPE.
HUH? IS THAT IT? NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOPE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NO, ALL RIGHT.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
NO, ALL RIGHT.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
JOE.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU, BUD.
JOE.
HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
JOE.
HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY HE WAS JUST, LIKE, ANNOYED.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY PEOPLE EATING.
OH, THERE'S JUST SO MANY PEOPLE EATING.
[ SQUEALS .]
PEOPLE EATING.
[ SQUEALS .]
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
[ SQUEALS .]
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS THE GUY.
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT THIS.
THIS IS THE GUY.
THE GUY'S LEAVING! THIS IS THE GUY.
THE GUY'S LEAVING! JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE THE GUY'S LEAVING! JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, JOE, IF THE PERSON LEAVES THE FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, YOU LOSE.
FOOD COURT BEFORE YOU FIND THEM, YOU LOSE.
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? YOU LOSE.
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THIS OLD SON OF A BITCH? [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE [ LAUGHTER .]
HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! FOOD COURT! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! OH, GOD! HE'S OUT OF THE FOOD COURT! OH, GOD! IT'S OVER.
OH, GOD! IT'S OVER.
TICK TICK TICK BOOM! IT'S OVER.
TICK TICK TICK BOOM! HOW DID AN OLD MAN OUTRUN ME? TICK TICK TICK BOOM! HOW DID AN OLD MAN OUTRUN ME? [ BUZZER .]
ALL RIGHT, SO WE'RE PICKING THIS GUY RIGHT HERE WITH THE TWO CHICKS.
THIS GUY RIGHT HERE WITH THE TWO CHICKS.
IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
CHICKS.
IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE IT'S NOT THE CHICKS.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE GUY.
NO, IT'S THE GUY, IT'S THE GUY.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT GUY.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, MY FRIEND.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, HERE'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO, MY FRIEND.
YOU GOT TO SHOOT AN OBVIOUS EVIL YOU GOT TO SHOOT AN OBVIOUS EVIL LOOK IN THEIR FACE.
OH, THIS LOOK? LOOK IN THEIR FACE.
OH, THIS LOOK? [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, THIS LOOK? [ LAUGHTER .]
RIGHT, RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RIGHT, RIGHT.
THAT'S IT.
RIGHT, RIGHT.
THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? THAT'S IT.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? I'M GOING IN.
ALL RIGHT, MURR, YOU READY? I'M GOING IN.
HERE HE GOES.
I'M GOING IN.
HERE HE GOES.
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
HERE HE GOES.
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I THINK IT'S THIS GUY.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! NICE TRY.
ENH! NICE TRY.
THIS IS GREAT.
NICE TRY.
THIS IS GREAT.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED THIS IS GREAT.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED ENEMIES.
HE'S GONNA HAVE A HUNDRED ENEMIES.
I KNOW.
ENEMIES.
I KNOW.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN I KNOW.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN PINK RIGHT HERE, THE MOTHER.
I THINK IT'S THIS WOMAN IN PINK RIGHT HERE, THE MOTHER.
HERE GOES NOTHING.
[ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! WRONG ONE, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
ENH! WRONG ONE, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
NICE TRY.
KEEP IT MOVING.
YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU BETTER HURRY UP, BUDDY.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU LOSE.
IF THEY LEAVE THE FOOD COURT, YOU LOSE.
SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
YOU LOSE.
SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS SCANDINAVIAN WOMAN.
THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS GOOD, MA'AM? THE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI IS GOOD, MA'AM? NOT HER.
GOOD, MA'AM? NOT HER.
NOPE.
NOT HER.
NOPE.
WRONG FELLA.
NOPE.
WRONG FELLA.
NOT HER.
WRONG FELLA.
NOT HER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
NOT HER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I GOT IT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I GOT IT.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT I GOT IT.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
IT'S THE TWO BLONDES SITTING AT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THE TABLE BEHIND ME HERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THERE.
THE TWO BLONDES SITTING RIGHT THERE.
UH-HUH.
THERE.
UH-HUH.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, UH-HUH.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
NOT THE ONE GUY WE PICKED, WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A WHO'S SITTING WITH THEM.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
UH, THERE'S A TABLE WITH A COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
I'M RIGHT BY THEM.
COUPLE FOLKS WITH LUGGAGE.
I'M RIGHT BY THEM.
YEAH, I'M RIGHT THERE.
[ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIS FACE! ENH! LOOK AT HIS FACE! ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
ENH! [ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
I GIVE UP.
GOOD LOOK.
WRONG PERSON.
I GIVE UP.
THIS IS CRAZY.
I GIVE UP.
THIS IS CRAZY.
WHO IS IT? THIS IS CRAZY.
WHO IS IT? IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT WHO IS IT? IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! IT'S THE GUY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! THIS GUY? OF YOU! THIS GUY? YEAH! THIS GUY? YEAH! I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE YEAH! I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE WAS WITH.
I DID THE TWO BLONDES THAT HE WAS WITH.
I DIDN'T -- OH! WAS WITH.
I DIDN'T -- OH! DAMN IT.
I DIDN'T -- OH! DAMN IT.
[ BUZZER .]
DAMN IT.
[ BUZZER .]
Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND [ BUZZER .]
Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE Narrator: LOOKS LIKE JOE AND MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
MURR CHOSE POORLY, BUT ONLY JOE IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IS TONIGHT'S BIG LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IT'S A LOSER.
IF THERE'S ONE THING JOE IS, IT'S A LOSER.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, IT'S A LOSER.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
ONE THING HE'S NOT IS FLEXIBLE, STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
OKAY, I GET IT.
STRONG, AGILE, NIMBLE, ATHLETIC.
OKAY, I GET IT.
HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
OKAY, I GET IT.
HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE HE'S NOT A GYMNAST.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
TODAY, YOU'RE GONNA BE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE PLAYING ONE ON TV.
WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL WE'RE GONNA THROW YOU IN THE MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, MIX WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO EXPERIENCED GYMNASTS, MY FRIEND, AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
AND YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? DO IT BETTER.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? EVERYTHING.
HOW TO DO WHAT BETTER? EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
WHAT'S OUR INSURANCE PLAN? BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
UP.
BECAUSE I'M GONNA GET [BLEEP.]
UP.
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
UP.
[ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ LAUGHTER .]
LOOK AT HIM.
LOOK -- [ LAUGHTER .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A [ LAUGHTER .]
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE A MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
MEDICINE BALL IN YOUR SHIRT.
HOLY [BLEEP.]
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL HOLY [BLEEP.]
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL YOU CAN DO BETTER.
JOE, THE LITTLE GIRL YOU CAN DO BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I [ LAUGHTER .]
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER.
I KNOW YOU'RE YOUNG, BUT I COULD DO IT BETTER.
SO WHEN YOU SEE THE GOOD STUFF, COULD DO IT BETTER.
SO WHEN YOU SEE THE GOOD STUFF, I WANT YOU TO TAKE THAT IN.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, MY GOD! EVEN IF YOU FALL, YOU WANT TO USE THE MOMENTUM TO KEEP GOING.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT USE THE MOMENTUM TO KEEP GOING.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
WE CAME UP WITH A PUNISHMENT THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER THAT MIGHT KILL JOE GATTO.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER TO THE VAULT.
SO, I'M GONNA SEND YOU OVER TO THE VAULT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
TO THE VAULT.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THEM.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
WATCH AND LEARN.
I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST TIME.
I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE I'M JUST GONNA SHOW YOU A DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE LANDING.
DIFFERENT WAY TO STICK THE LANDING.
OKAY.
LANDING.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
OH [BLEEP.]
I COULD DO IT BETTER.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
OKAY.
TAKE A LOOK.
HERE WE GO.
TAKE A LOOK.
HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO.
OH [BLEEP.]
[ LAUGHTER .]
I NAILED THAT ONE.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
I CAN'T GET OUT.
[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES .]
I CAN'T GET OUT.
IT WAS NOTHING.
I CAN'T GET OUT.
IT WAS NOTHING.
HE JUST FELL! IT WAS NOTHING.
HE JUST FELL! HE JUST HE JUST FELL! HE JUST YOU TWO IDIOTS HE JUST YOU TWO IDIOTS WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU TWO IDIOTS WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
WOULD YOU TWO IDIOTS GET UP? YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF YOU GUYS ARE MISSING EVERYTHING.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THE PIT.
THE GUY CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THE PIT.
GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL THE PIT.
GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL FOR HELP! GUYS, HE'S ASKING A LITTLE GIRL FOR HELP! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! FOR HELP! PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
PUT YOUR BACK INTO IT! [ LAUGHTER .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ LAUGHTER .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ GRUNTS .]
OH, SHE'S ABANDONING HIM.
[ GRUNTS .]
HEY, MAN.
[ GRUNTS .]
HEY, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HEY, MAN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO [ LAUGHTER .]
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
GUYS, I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT BETTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
[ LAUGHTER .]
HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, HIS PANTS CAME DOWN.
YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED YOU MAY GETTING REVENGE ON THIS, BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED SAL AND MURR.
BRO, 'CAUSE YOU ALMOST KILLED SAL AND MURR.
CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SAL AND MURR.
CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT CLEAR THE FLOOR RIGHT NOW SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
SHOW THEM THE ROUTINE THAT YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE PRACTICING FOR NATIONALS.
[ LAUGHTER .]
UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! [ LAUGHTER .]
UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR UH, EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY! I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I'M GONNA NEED EVERYONE TO CLEAR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR THE FLOOR REAL QUICK.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR NATIONALS.
I GOT TO PRACTICE MY ROUTINE FOR NATIONALS.
AND CUE THE MUSIC.
NATIONALS.
AND CUE THE MUSIC.
OH, THERE'S MUSIC? AND CUE THE MUSIC.
OH, THERE'S MUSIC? THERE'S MU-- OH, THERE'S MUSIC? THERE'S MU-- THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO THERE'S MU-- THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO NATIONALS.
THERE'S MUSIC FOR MY ROUTINE TO NATIONALS.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
NATIONALS.
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
IT'S HAPPENING.
OH! OH, MY -- NATIONALS, WHAT? OH, MY -- NATIONALS, WHAT? YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
NATIONALS, WHAT? YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
YOU'RE A NATIONAL DISASTER.
[ LAUGHTER .]
RIBBONS! [ LAUGHTER .]
RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! GRAB THE RIBBONS! WHAT IS HE -- [ LAUGHTER .]
[ LAUGHTER .]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE .]
THIS IS ALL I GOT.
I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! I'M IN! YOU WON ME OVER, BABY!