Mad Dogs (2010) s03e04 Episode Script

1 So we've made a life out here now.
The wife of the French Charges d'Affaires.
I've got a life here too.
If you love her so much, why don't you marry her? I seriously thought about ending it all.
I'm arresting you for possession and sale of cocaine.
If we get the all clear, today, I'm literally on the first flight out of here.
No, no, no, we're safe here.
This is our consulate.
We're on sovereign territory.
I was hoping you might be able to help us.
There is maybe someone.
He works for the Americans.
But I trust him.
Lazaro.
He's a primary player in American security networks.
Go all the way upcountry to find an ex-CIA spook.
We've gotta see this through, Quinn.
No, no, no, no, you gotta see it through, Bax.
I got a life back there.
It's not safe to go back.
Body snatchers.
For bad medicine.
The use it to raise the Tokoloshe Dwarf zombie.
If you see it, you'll know for sure, somebody will die.
Look at it! Jesus! What is it? What is it? It's in there.
It's in the grass.
It had a mouth.
Starey eyes.
Like a thing Bloody hell, I thought you were talking about a hitman or something.
What are you guys doing? You're going in the wrong direction.
His house is just over there.
Ok.
Hello? Is anyone home? Hello! It's over a year old.
This doesn't exactly look lived in, does it? Well, cover me, then.
Who's been sleeping in my bed? No one, by the looks of it.
So what do we think, boys? So what do we do if he doesn't show? D'you think we could find our way back? Dunno.
We could try.
How long should we give it? Well, hang on a minute.
We only just got here.
People operate on a different timetable here.
You must have found that.
What's that humming noise? Generator, innit? It's a fridge.
Mini Cokes? Mini Ginger Beers.
Is that a good idea? I'm on a CIA hit list, Rick.
I'll take me chances.
This was stupid.
We should have just stayed in Cape Town.
- Living in there, now.
- He'll show.
And he'll sort it.
And we'll be alright.
I can feel it.
Where have I heard that before? Oh, I know.
When you took the money from Alvo's.
I know it's human nature, to try and find somebody to blame when things don't go right It's not like I have to look far, is it? At least I tried to do something about this.
I get it, ok? I get it.
I get why you're driven by this blind optimism.
'Cause if you don't believe it, then where does your life go now? Yeah, but it's not just my life, is it? You can justify it any way you like, alright? But the fact is we are sitting on a porch in the middle of nowhere with a strong possibility of being shot! At any moment.
Or failing that, eaten! By hyenas.
Woody's right.
We should have just stayed where we were.
I have missed two years of my kids' lives.
And I don't care what it takes or what I have to do, I'm not missing anymore.
And if I may draw your attention to one small fact you appear to have overlooked, Rick, is this 48 hours ago, you were on your way to prison.
And Christ knows what else, so why don't you spin that? You have to admit, though, Baxter, if you hadn't taken the money You can shut up! You're as bad as him.
With all your poncing about town.
You're just a glorified barman.
And don't give me all the self deluded crap about you've got this fantastic new existence because you haven't.
So you met someone, that you care for.
Good for you! Maybe you do have a heart after all.
And Woody, I'm sorry, mate, but you're living in denial, as well.
You think you've got a life here but you haven't.
How can you have a life, if you can't be honest with the people that are closest to you? We're all of us, all of us, living a lie.
And the irony is, that is the thing that will destroy us.
I don't have to take this shit from you all.
Remember the day we left college? We all said we'd see each other in a year.
See where we're at.
Compare notes.
How long it was before we met up? An hour and a half.
You all came round to mine and uh My dad cracked open a bottle, told us we should celebrate.
We talked about the future.
Full of hope.
- Full of life.
- Full of scotch.
Point is, we don't seem able to be apart.
Why do you think we're still friends, then? We're mates, aren't we? We don't like each other, though We don't.
- It's deeper than that, ain't it? More of a - Don't say the "L" word, Woody, please, because I will puke.
I know you don't wanna hear this, Bax, but I do really love you.
You know that? And now say, "I love you back.
" I just needed you to hear it.
That's all.
Do you know how many times in the last two years I wished that we'd never met? Our lives would be very different if we hadn't.
What would we be doing, then? Christ knows what I'd be doing.
I'd be unemployable.
My age, my work record.
I'd have gone to work.
Come home.
Go to work again.
Come home.
If you lot don't want to go back, just say it, ok? But don't make out like you're doing this for my benefit.
- I am doing this for your fucking benefit! - Well, don't, then! Stay! - I'll stay! We'll all stay! - Can't, can I?! - Why?! - 'Cause I can't do that to you! For crying out loud, can we just try and act our ages! This is very simple, alright? Either we accept that this whole thing is, I dunno the cosmos screwing with us all the way from Alvo's villa to the African veldt or Ok, we have to face up to the fact that ostensibly this was all your fault.
What? What is it with you? You've been on my case for 25 years! Yeah 'cause you've been winding me up! For 25 years! Come on, then! Come on! What have I done?! Sorry if we scared ya'.
I worked for the Company for 27 years.
As a neophyte I was dropped head-first into the whole Allende clusterfuck.
I've armed rebel forces, neutralized champions of Marxism.
I speak Chinese.
For two and a half decades, people have been trying to kill me or do it for a living.
- You didn't scare me.
- Right.
Well, thanks.
What do you make of the landscape? It's something, isn't it? So, what, you're retired then, are you? - This look like my fucking office? - I dunno.
Sugar? Best get it before it ends.
Sugar in this place, literally walks out the door.
- You know who we are, then? - I got the scuttle.
Friends in the village.
You guys got well and truly fucked.
Cereal? So you know what our problem is, then? Red Hastings-Bass, a legendary a-hole.
A huge proponent of getting the bad guys to pay for bad things.
Using drug money to take the burden off the American taxpayer.
Hell, it worked in Vietnam, Colombia, Afghanistan.
Trouble is, it only works while untraceable, hence - Yeah, we know.
- You trot on his toes, he stomped on yours.
He thought you were dead.
- We were safer when we were dead.
- Did a good job of being dead.
That's terrific.
I'll put it on me CV, shall I? - How long you been undead? - Three days.
- Bad? - Not great.
- But we're safe out here, right? - Not really.
- This guy, you know this Bass? - He died.
But as we understand it, the whole operation was shut down.
Correct.
So presumably we can be taken off this list or whatever it is.
Correct.
So, what do we do? Well, somebody else is in charge now, obviously.
So, we have a word in the right ear.
They clear it, we expunge your files.
For such a high-end security operation, the whole thing is embarassingly straightforward.
- You know this right ear? - I do.
Well, I don't mean to be pushy but at what point does this right ear, you know, give you the, um, ok? They already have.
- So, you can delete our files? - Correct.
What's in this for you? It's great that you're doing it, obviously but um well, why are you doing it? Does it have to be something in it for me? Maybe I'm just having an "Eat, Pray, Love" moment.
Nobody does anything for nothing.
Ok, well, if it makes you feel better then yes, there is something you can do for me.
You can do my laundry.
- You freedom for my washing.
- Ok? So, how how are you gonna I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere.
Satellite phone.
I was just on but I lost it.
Soon as we reconnect, we'll hop to.
They don't realize how much they have us by the balls, do they? - They are the American goverment.
- Internet service providers.
Love the light at this time of day.
Let's go for a hike.
We just got caught up in somebody else's war, really.
Back in the day we referred to it as "unintended consequences" and then it became "negligent discharge" but everyone thought that sounded too much like a STD, so finally they settled on "collateral damage".
Always been a perilous business arming your enemy's enemy.
So now we just give them cash.
- "Lazaro", that's really cool.
Is that your first name? - No.
- Your second? - No.
- So what is your name? - Lazaro.
Uh, do you think we should really be walking this far away from the house? Right now, we're in the cradle of civilization.
This continent has hosted every major evolutionary change that we've experienced on our journey toward being human.
Gives you quite a buzz, don't it? It's here that we've lost our canines, which in itself became the definition of our humanity.
What's he going on about? Losing your teeth? We developed a pedomorphic phase, childlike, non-threatening.
- Go ahead, threaten me with your face.
- What? Try to frighten me.
More.
You see? He didn't show his teeth.
Mammals express threat by showing your teeth but humans don't.
- I just wanna go home.
- See, all human combat is basically symbolic.
Until this last century, the idea of slaughtering each other is actually a pretty recent phenomenom.
Is this supposed to make us feel better or something? - Wanna see a giant termite mound? - Do you mind if we check the Internet, first? Non-defined EU.
You know the dirt track we crossed on our walk? I wanted two days a year for reasons nobody could explain.
These amazing white butterflies settled.
You had like 80 feet of road carpet and the white butterflies.
If you drive too fast, your tires lose their grip floating on the wings of butterflies.
Imagine that.
Oh, heh.
Is something wrong? No, the codename they gave your OP.
WIMPHAMMER.
- What's that supposed to mean? - It's a measure of the esteem they held us in, Rick.
You know, you're seeing something that only those with the highest security clearance will ever see.
My god, this is unbelievable.
- How far reaching is all this? - How do you mean? - Could you find out if my dad is still alive ? - Put his name in.
He's alive.
Phone was disconnected last month for non-payment of bills.
Hey, look up, um, Nina.
See if she's still living in our old place.
- Sure you wanna hear this? - Oh, yeah.
She divorced you a year ago for desertion.
- Sorry, mate.
- It's no great surprise, really, is it? She didn't wait that long, did she? Would you mind checking Mercedes Peters? See if she booked a flight in the last 24 hours.
Nope.
Ok, this is all very fascinating.
You think maybe we could, uh, you know? Whoa! Mr Woods, I am now deleting your Oh, shit.
Lost the connection.
Oh, hang on, we're back up.
Deleting your file.
- Who's next? - Me! Me! Do me.
Well, or someone else.
I don't mind.
There you go into the ether.
Mister Quinn Gone.
Sold and gone.
And mister Baxter.
Delete delete.
And finally one two.
You are clean.
- You can be home by the weekend.
- Woo! Yes! Washing powder is under the sink.
What will you do, then? Go or stay? I'm gonna go.
See my old man, sort him out.
Then come back here.
Cape Town kind of feels like home now, you know? - Hey, you should bring him with ya'.
- Could do.
I'm gonna sort me passport out.
Go back to Cape Town.
I'm gonna tell Shani everything.
If she's still speaking to me I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
- Hey, congratulations, mate.
- Cheers, mate.
Feel like I belonged here, you know? Then I'm gonna nip back to the UK.
Straighten everything out with Amy and let everybody know that I'm not dead.
I gotta go in.
I know Nina won't believe any of this but at least can I make an amend, can't I? Gotta see the kids.
Try and explain.
Then, who knows? Fresh start, I suppose.
I'm not quite sure where I belong, to be honest.
Do you think he'll let us use the phone? Call home? Connection's down again.
- If it comes back up again, can we call home? - Sure.
- I was thinking about a celebratory dinner.
- Yeah! - How's your wine cellar looking? - Stocked.
Beautiful.
Lazaro, I like the sound of that.
You don't think there's gonna be a catch, do you? - Like what? - I dunno.
We're all kind of beholden to him now, aren't we? Nah.
He's the Wizard of Oz, man.
Not Don Corleone.
Right The Wizard of Oz was a fraud, though, weren't he? You've done some pretty heavy stuff in your time, then? Good, bad, I'm not sure I know the difference.
The bigger picture gets so big, you can't see it anymore.
Can I just say something? Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
Can I just say something? Why is your bed raised so high off the ground? So the Tokoloshe can run underneath.
- You you believe all that, do you? - We're in Africa, why wouldn't I? I got a present for you.
- African peyote.
- What? Known for its psychoactive properties.
Used locally as an entheogen.
- As a what? - Entheogen.
In religious, shamanic and spiritual contexts.
Literally means, "the God inside.
" Are you talking about tripping? Last night of your incredible journey, you gotta trip out, man.
How many times are you gonna be on the veldt under a clear sky, silver slipper of a moon, surrounded by people that love you? Yeah, yeah, alright.
Yeah, yeah, ok, yeah.
Yeah, go on, then.
No, not for me.
Come on, it's not like it's your drug of choice, is it, Woods? Mind over substance.
No can do, man.
Come on! Give it a go.
One hundred percent natural high.
Think of it as a vegetable.
- Well, I'm in.
- Right, how do you take it? You scoop out the flesh, and chew it.
Takes a few minutes.
Then you start behaving like the village drunkard in an early Irish novel.
Where are you going, Woods? I can hear something.
- So can we, here.
- No, bog off.
Wow, that is so beautiful.
- It's gorgeous, isn't it? - Where did you come from? - I can look too, can't I? You really wanted to help me, didn't you? Yes, I did.
I'm sure your daughters are lovely.
You're such a good dad.
- You want a ride? - Where to? The choice is yours, today, my friend.
I don't even know your name.
- Quinn.
- Quinn.
Come with me, Quinn.
Hum… There's not enough room in your buggy.
Tony, casse-toi.
- Now we go on vacation to Paris, yes? - Hurry.
You know, Bax, you probably got about 20, 25 good years left before the cancers and strokes.
- Oh, thanks.
- You should do something with it.
I think my canines are growing back.
Maybe you're devolving? Shani! - I'm not who you think I am.
- That's ok.
- Me name's not even Tony.
- That is ok, too.
No, it's not ok.
It's not ok.
You don't even know who I am.
But I do, and that's why I love you.
It's the Southern Cross.
You can't see that in the north.
Rick.
Rick.
- Rick.
- Rick.
Rick.
Hey! Hey! You saved my life.
I never even thanked you.
- Yeah, well, you were a lousy date.
- Was I? I did like you, though.
I really liked you.
Where did you go? - We all have our journeys.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we do.
Maybe we can share one together.
Would you give me your heart? Yeah.
Fuck, yeah.
Yeah, I would.
Definitely.
Hundred percent.
- Truthfully? - Yeah.
Yeah, go on.
Shit! What do you want?! - How was it? - Amazing, yeah.
It was, uh, it was kind of incredible.
It's weird, though.
It's mixed, if I'm honest.
How are you feeling? Good.
- Relaxed? - Oh, yeah.
- Content? - Pretty much.
- Euphoric? - Yeah, yeah.
Great, because now I have to kill you.
No, seriously.
I have to kill you.
- You shouldn't fuck coming down on peyote.
- Oh, I'm not fucking with you.
Just figured a little psychological anaesthetic would be more humane.
- I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about! - Me neither.
I'm still tripping.
What are you saying here? It's over, boys.
Hey, lads, lads.
Can I Can I be the one that shoots Rick? You're serious, ain't ya'? For fuck's sake! Hey! He's gonna kill us.
- What's going on? - We're about to die, apparently.
- I thought we were all in the clear.
- Well, one or all of you, frankly it doesn't matter took out one of our agents, Maria Gonzalez.
In Mallorca.
And that there they're not about to let slide.
No, no, but you don't have to kill us.
I dunno, just, just, you know let us go.
Yeah, not how it works, buddy boy.
I mean, personally I'm not a big retributionist.
I'm more of a rehabilitationist.
I'm not into punishing anymore, per se, but they tasked me with taking you out and if I don't, somebody else will and then they'll take me out and so, you know, big sorries.
But it's check-out time.
Get the gun! Get the gun! - Quinn! - Bastards! - Now, what? - Fucking - We have to kill him! - Kill him? - Haven't we? - No, no more killing! - I'm not killing anyone! - Alright, alright, no killing! Forget I even mentioned it.
- Maybe we should try and negotiate with him.
- He's a trained assassin.
He'll play mind games on us, you nut! He's right.
He'll be schooled in the art of not giving up.
He'll go all Terminator on us.
- Well, we can't sit here indefinitely! - We need to incapacitate him! Right, yeah How do we do that, then?! Probably knock him out! - Right, right, then what? - Then we'll lock him up in one of them outhouses, or something.
- How do we knock him out?! - We need something heavy.
- Hammer? - No! Something heavy but not heavy.
I'm not trying to be funny but, how about a frying pan? - Get it! Get it! - Hurry up! Ok.
Ok! What do How do I do this? - Just hit him in the head? - No, fry him a fucking egg! Hit him! Harder than that! - I can't do it! - Give it! You mother fuckers! I'm gonna fucking kill you! That's done it.
- Oh, shit.
Shit! - Right, we gotta get out of here.
- And go where, exactly? - I don't know.
There must be somewhere! There isn't.
There's nowhere.
No, we tried.
We've run out of options.
- I'm not giving up.
I'm not! - Woody.
It's over, Woody.
Get out.
Get out of this room now! Where the fuck did you come from? When I thought about it, properly I didn't really trust you not to fuck it up.
I'm a soldier.
I get a feeling and I go with it.
- How did you find us? - Your mates in the village.
They were all worried about old Headless Joe here.
Said that they felt some weirdo shaman bollocks or something, I dunno.
Wait, you mean, like a mystical thing? What? Look, I'm from Crawley, how the fuck should I know? It's nasty.
Let's see what they come back with.
Well, the good news is that you're free.
Bad news is that you're dead again.
But we we are free? - What are you doing? Got a mate with a chopper.
He'll take you back to Cape Town.
Well, it'll cost us, won't it? Are you sure we can't persuade you to come with us, Mercedes? - No, I'm cool.
- Oh, come on, Mer.
I've got plans, man.
I gotta go up to Mozambique.
Have you ever thought of doing anything a little bit less killing-y? What? And go stand somewhere in Covent Garden and say "No jeans or trainers"? No, thanks! - Hey, don't tell me you ain't coming to my wedding! - Wedding? Bollocks! Come on! Subtitle by Coldblade.