Mad Men s03e04 Episode Script

I don't care if it's windy or rainy, there's no reason for a shake roof to fail if it's laid right.
Except that one.
No flashing around the chimney.
That's gonna cost them.
Go around! Now, I'm gonna push it up to 25 miles an hour.
That's what we're allowed to do here.
You've got to really pay attention.
Fifteen minutes of news and nothing about the Holy Father.
He's still dead, Ma.
- The shower cap hold up? - Yes.
Piece of junk.
If you want, I'll have Gerry come over and fix your shower.
It was fixed, but I think Ronnie the super sneaks in and breaks it.
For all I know he's going through my things right now.
You don't like getting a little bit of attention? Anita, this man does not look the way you want him to.
I'd offer you a room, but since Mom moved in, I don't have it.
I want to move to Manhattan.
Really? It's so far away.
It is far, and I commute almost two hours total every day, five days a week.
- That's an extra week of work each month.
- My goodness.
I never thought of that.
Pegs, the rents there, they're outrageous.
I know, but I'm already spending a fortune between subway fare, cab fare on late nights, pantyhose If I can't find a newspaper, the cane on the seats destroys them.
And it'll be easy with that savings and a roommate.
Jeez Louise, you've really been thinking about this.
Ma, it's not good for it! Why don't you move in here and we send her to Manhattan? You gonna be one of those girls? I am one of those girls.
Well, Ho-Ho, I observed your wishes for secrecy, but now is the time.
Gentlemen.
Imagine the perfect mixture of athletics, spectacle and speed.
Jai alai.
Jai alai is like handball, only you fling the ball and catch the ball with this basket thing.
It's more complicated than that.
And dangerous.
I'll leave the loose-leaf, but it shows the way jai alai attendance is growing.
In seven years, it'll eclipse baseball.
Go ahead, you can laugh, but it's got the same fingerprint as baseball, only better.
A special stadium called a fronton, and you can sit real close, which is a thrill because the ball goes 175 miles an hour.
And it's got Patxi.
He's Babe Ruth, only handsome.
This is Patxi.
I was looking for boxers, but I bought his contract instead.
- He's the greatest player in the world.
- Mel Ferrer.
I'm terrified of him catching balls in the face.
So, let's say there's enough money.
How would you chop it up? Well, most of it's going to end up in television.
Perfect, because I want a TV show.
- A sports show? - Did you see Patxi? You don't see him flying around the world, solving crimes and banging broads? Harry has excellent relationships with the networks.
- Well, it'll probably have to be ABC.
- No, no.
I want to be on all the networks, like when the President addresses the nation.
Tuesday night, 8:30 to 9:00, all three networks, the same show.
- No one's ever done it.
- Because That's true.
How about a star-studded big musical special with a jai alai match.
- Desi Arnaz.
- What else you got? - Well, there's print.
- Women's magazines.
A glamorous night in Miami with a free admission.
- Tuesday night is ladies' night.
- And, of course, newspapers are key, but you can't limit yourself to less than 10 markets.
This is impressive.
- Don't get up.
- Horace, this is Don Draper.
- I told you he'd be stopping by.
- Well, don't let me interrupt.
So far, for the jai alai campaign, Sterling Cooper will produce an adventure program starring your handsome fellow, a musical spectacular On all three networks, and it has to be in color.
CBS doesn't have color.
Fine.
I'd like to get the ladies' magazines in color, and maybe a color page in the Sunday paper.
- What about radio? - You'll have to take radio the way it is.
I don't think it's worth anyone's time unless you're willing to commit to at least - $1 million, to start.
- Sure, but that's a third of my ad budget.
Well, as they used to say at the freshmen mixer, - "When you get a yes, you go home.
" - Only, Humps, you never got one.
Listen, Draper, I'd love to buy you dinner, run some slogans by you.
Actually, Ho-Ho, we buy you dinner.
That was fun.
I'm going to have to buy Campbell a case of something.
Patxi.
During the Depression, I saw somebody throw a loaf of bread off the back of a truck.
It was more dignified.
Are you going to have trouble sleeping tonight? I've seen clients far more defenseless than he.
Well, as the Bible says, "Enjoy your fatted calf.
" Campbell, did you tell him who this idiot's father is? He said he's a shipping magnate, not a client.
Horace Sr.
Is connected to Bert Cooper in a million ways, and I don't know if he would like what just happened in there.
You want to run it by his daddy? He's my age.
So he was born with a lot of money.
He has a dream, and it's our job to make it come true.
Well, there you have it.
Nicely done, my boy.
Elizabeth.
Get off your feet.
It's bad for the baby.
- As soon as I finish the dishes.
- Sit with me.
Cleaning up for the maid.
You're just like your mother.
I don't like watching you commit suicide.
Neither do your kids.
What do you want, Daddy? It's all laid out in here, my arrangements.
Just follow the directions.
I don't want to talk about this.
We talk about it now and then we don't talk about it.
That's the idea.
- Fine.
- Jesus.
Smoke your cigarette.
Funerals are a dishonest business.
People don't want to think about it.
That's how they get you.
Remember what happened with your mother? The will's translucent or transparent or something according to the lawyers.
You run the show.
- You took me in.
- Anything else? I want you to have your mother's coats.
I gave Judy the Hudson seal, but I want you to have the chinchilla and obviously the mink.
They're in the cedar closet.
They key's in Gloria's end table.
Okay, Daddy.
You don't want to hear about it, Scarlett O'Hara? I have the folder.
You've always been sensitive.
That's my fault for shielding you from all the dangers out there.
That's probably why you married this joker.
If you'd even known what was possible But that's that.
I wrote it down.
We never have to talk about it again.
I don't understand why you like talking about this when you can see so clearly that it upsets me.
You're being selfish and morbid.
I'm your little girl.
And I know it must be horrible to be looking at whatever you're looking at, but can't you keep it to yourself? - What kind of mood is he in? - I'm never right.
- Anybody been outside? Do I need a coat? - I'd take it.
Don, George Caan dropped out of Patio to direct a picture in LA.
I look forward to his average work.
Replace him.
There's no time and there's no talent.
What were you gonna do if you had to fire him? - Have Sal do it.
- Are you serious? - Sal, do you want to do it? - Of course I do.
It sounds good, but it makes me very nervous.
It's lifted straight from Bye Bye Birdie.
It's a single shot.
Sal did the storyboards.
I could go on, but I don't think I should have to.
- Allison? - Keens chophouse.
Thank you, Don.
Tag.
You're it.
Hey.
You don't want to cut towards yourself.
There we go.
Get down.
I've got some great things in here.
This is an exact imitation of the Gettysburg Address.
- You know about Honest Abe? - He learned to read by candlelight.
That's right.
Well, I'll be.
Don, look at this.
Victory medal, France.
I should have another for beating the clap.
Here we are.
Wow! That spike, it's Prussian.
Germany's greatest soldiers.
You had to respect that.
That's where I got him.
- You see that? Dried blood.
- You shot him? I think so.
I shot lots of them.
They were trying to kill us.
- War is bad.
- Maybe, but it makes a man out of you.
Living off the land, battling the elements, standing alongside your brothers.
- Ask your pop.
- Gene.
- What? - Gene, don't.
- Come on.
- Bobby, give it back.
Let him have it! That's why I got it! - Can't I have it? - There was a person in that helmet.
- An enemy.
- Bobby, it's a dead man's hat.
Take it off.
Keep it on.
It's yours.
There was this girl You like? It was on sale at A&S.
Looks like a lot more than 20% off.
Kitty.
Kitty.
I'm working.
- Something's wrong, isn't it? - No.
No, no, no, don't say that.
Don't say that.
- I'm not myself.
- What does that mean? Why are men so embarrassed to share their emotions? Please.
Sal The past few months Something's wrong.
- Well, that's not true.
- It is true.
You know, I don't need that much, but I do need tending.
- I'm so sorry.
- Well, what can I do? You won't even tell me.
Make some excuse.
For the last six months, maybe a year, even, I've watched my job disappear.
Nobody wants illustrations anymore.
It's all about photography.
And yes, I've been nervous.
And now I have this opportunity to do something that really does have a future.
So it's been building to this, and tomorrow you will triumph and come home a conquering hero.
- What's wrong with you? - Well, I do have one horrible flaw.
I love you.
I don't want to fail.
Just With a single mistake, the entire shot is ruined.
So what? You've seen the movies.
Take two.
Take three.
Do it again.
Action.
It's one shot, the whole thing.
- It's the beginning of Bye Bye Birdie.
- I'm trying to remember.
She starts singing against a blue background, and her voice is very girlish.
- Yes.
Yes, I remember that.
- And she's offering us this can of Patio.
And she's on a treadmill, but you can't see it.
- She's walking back and forth? - No, no.
She walks towards you.
The wind is blowing in her hair, and she sings about how Patio is low in calories.
And then she extends her hand out and she waves goodbye.
Then we move back, too, but she stops, and she takes her dress in her hands and she runs forward as fast as she can.
But then she turns her back and looks seductively over her shoulder.
The treadmill pulls her back again and she comes towards you one last time, dancing right up to the camera.
She sort of pushes her shoulders together and leans over with the can and she smiles.
"Hello, Patio.
" Something like that.
Sound good? You're gonna do great.
- You really think so? - Yes.
Don, I'd like you to meet Horace Cook.
- We've met.
Lincoln Center.
- Of course.
Have a seat.
Lane has brought it to my attention that Mr.
Cook's son has approached us for work.
Actually, it was Don who thought it best, out of deference, to include you.
We're not psychiatrists.
There is no confidentiality.
That's not strictly true, but you are family and, well, it appears to be a lot of money.
Bert seemed alarmed.
What exactly happened in this meeting? - Well, you know, your son has a dream.
- Yes, jai alai.
When he first mentioned it I assumed he was gambling, but he seems convinced of its financial potential.
And there's no reason to doubt that.
Are you drunk? It's like Polish handball.
You can't even play it if you're left-handed.
There's no wall on that side.
Well, then, that's done with.
We needn't be involved.
Bert, you know that's not the way the marketplace works.
A man comes through your door, he knows what he wants, he's got the money to back it up, - you do your best.
- Perhaps I'm unclear because I'm childless, but they're not.
Well, should you be lucky enough to strike gold, remember that your children weren't there when you were swinging the pick.
I've seen his plan.
It's gibberish.
But if you refuse him, he'll only find someone else.
My son lives in a cloud of success, but it's my success.
Perhaps when that evaporates and his face is pressed against the reality of the sidewalk, he'll be of value to someone.
"Kill or be killed, eat or be eaten.
" That's how I was raised.
So you want us to proceed? When we put that money aside for him, he was a little boy.
We didn't know what kind of person we were making.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Easy for you to say.
He doesn't have your name.
You'll stay for lunch.
No discussion.
A pleasure to see you again.
Pleasure.
- I'll sign him tonight.
- Very good.
These are ideas.
You can skip some if you want to, but do not go out of order.
Hello, this is Margaret.
Hello, my name is Elaine and I'm 22, and I have a good job and I'm interested in a roommate, too.
Well, it's nice to speak with you, Elaine.
Where do you work? Well, I live in Teaneck, New Jersey, so I want to be in this city to be near my job.
- I work in a tannery on the West Side.
- Really? They make leather? I'm a secretary, but I am around animal skins and carcasses most of the day, so I don't keep pets.
The smell makes them go crazy.
I don't know if the West Side is what I had in mind.
I need someplace near a major hospital.
My face is very badly burned and I need frequent prescriptions for unguents and salves.
- It would have to be two bedrooms.
- Two bedrooms is good.
Now, about the bathroom, I'm going to need some help there.
Who is this? You know something? You're a jerk.
- Why do you do that? - I've got a salt tooth.
- It's right here in the back of my mouth.
- Grandpa.
It's getting harder to fool you.
I got two spoons.
Mommy doesn't let us have ice cream before dinner.
Is she afraid you're going to be fat like she was? Your grandma Ruth used to drive her to town to run errands and make her walk herself home.
That put a stop to it.
- You remember Grandma Ruth? - She gave me a ukulele.
- Did you learn it? - No.
You can, you know.
You're smart.
You remind me of your grandma more than your mother.
You know, she did drafting in the 20s for this engineer.
- A little bald man.
He wasn't a threat.
- That's good.
You can really do something.
Don't let your mother tell you otherwise.
You know, she won't let me eat this either, and I don't want to be the only one, so I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna keep a lookout.
Okay.
Go ahead.
The coast is clear.
- She's coming! Quick, hide it! - I knew you were gonna do that.
This tastes like chocolate, but it smells like oranges.
You smell that? A year from now there'll be nothing but rum and Mexican beer in this place.
- You ever have Mexican beer, Humps? - I don't drink a lot of beer.
You have to when you're there.
Amoeba, dysentery.
Patxi caught a bug, lost eight pounds.
That's a lot on his frame.
Ho-Ho was saying a photo of Jack Kennedy enjoying jai alai would be a tremendous endorsement.
My father hates Kennedy, 'cause he knew Old Joe when they were criminals together.
Plus, Dad's against integration.
He called Patxi a wetback.
Jack Kennedy certainly ended up with a better job than his father.
I know this idea sounds crazy, but read your history.
I've got a 50% chance, at least.
My father's dead, but I know he'd be interested.
This is his kind of investment.
I think about the way my father made his fortune, renting ships for troop transport during the war.
He didn't care about the Germans.
And then I think, I could really do something.
I might not be president, but I could I could build something.
And people will like it, and I'm going to be the father of this sport, and people are gonna be dying to do business with me, even my father.
I have this image in my mind.
It's his 75th birthday, and I give him a team.
I want to give you a piece of advice.
I've been doing this a while, and I applaud your enthusiasm, but I think you should take this decision a little more seriously.
- What are you saying, Don? - Let him Let him talk.
You have a great fortune, and that's not just money.
That's the future.
And we will take all of your money, I promise you, but I think you should reevaluate this particular obsession.
You can do better.
That's a sales technique, isn't it? You zig away from me and I zag back into your arms.
You know, I've got the galleys of this book by Ogilvy.
Learned a lot about advertising.
Then why aren't you eating dinner with Ogilvy? 'Cause Campbell talked me out of it.
Now let's get one thing straight.
If jai alai fails, it's your fault.
I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.
Don't apologize.
Everybody thinks that.
Nobody says it.
Are you removing that or moving it? Did everybody in Manhattan decide I'm not allowed to live here? No.
Actually, I think the right girl could have a very good effect on you.
I do, however, find your ad unfortunate.
It's perfect.
I proofed it thoroughly.
"Clean, responsible, considerate.
"I have some nice furniture and a small television.
" It reads like the stage directions from an Ibsen play.
So what, then? You'll give me some ideas, and I'll use them, and you'll all have an even bigger laugh? No, I thought I'd tell you how to get a roommate.
This is not the way.
Fine.
Please, Joan, tell me how to do it.
- For one thing, why "Margaret"? - It's my name and it's more adult.
But this is about two young girls in Manhattan.
This is about an adventure.
Am I wrong? If this were me, I would say something like, "Fun-Ioving girl, responsible sometimes.
"Likes to laugh.
Lives to love.
"Seeks size six for city living and general gallivanting.
"No dull moments or dull men tolerated.
" Or something like that.
Well, thank you.
That's very helpful.
And don't put it up there.
Everyone here knows you.
Branch out.
Good night, Peggy.
Don.
There you are.
I was just on my way over to Lane.
I've got signatures.
Horace Cook, Jr.
Is all dressed and ready for the oven.
In light of all of the trepidation, perhaps you should deliver this to Lane yourself.
- Are you following me? - I spent two years at Dartmouth hiding him from shylocks.
Let me enjoy my payday.
Mr.
Hooker, has Lane stopped by the clubhouse? I'll go and get him.
That's called a cesta.
It's made of reeds from the Pyrenees.
The ball is called a pelota.
They just sent all this over.
So did Horace have any more ideas? For one thing, he wants us to call it the NJAA.
National Jai Alai Association? He has no idea how confused America's gonna be about that "J.
" Look at this camaraderie.
Perhaps we've discovered America's pastime after all.
Full steam ahead.
- Bravo, boys.
- How about Patxi: The Motion Picture? God, I wish I was a part of this.
I've informed the home office.
There was a flutter of adding machines.
Well, you heard him, boys.
Don't stop until you see the whites of his pockets.
Cosgrove.
Good God.
Bill it to the kid.
- What the hell is that? - It's an English muffin.
The hell it is.
Put it away.
You can eat at school.
I already ate my breakfast.
Well, don't keep me waiting this afternoon.
I want you dressed and ready for ballet at 3:00 on the button.
- No dawdling.
- Okay.
I'm gonna buy fruit.
What do you want? - Peaches, please.
- Peaches give me a rash.
Your sister likes them.
Are you Peggy? They just sent me back from reception.
- I'm Karen Ericson.
- Yes, I am.
How nice to finally meet you.
You have your own office.
Wowee! At the travel agency, it takes years, and Martha Winston's the only girl, and she's married to the boss.
Well, it's different up here.
Everyone on the first floor loved your humorous ad.
You seem like someone I could really be friends with, not like the last girl.
Well, I'm fun and I love to have fun.
She was always keeping her door shut, and I think you should only close your door for one reason.
What's that? I just don't get along with women like I do men, but she left to get married, so I must be some kind of good-luck charm.
- Do you have a steady? - No, I'm still playing the field.
There are so many interesting men out there.
Except sailors.
I have a couple of rules.
One of them is I don't like sailors.
- No sailors.
I agree.
- So, Peggy Olson, I have to ask, - are you Swedish? Because I am.
- Norwegian.
Well, we won't tell my parents.
I'll make appointments and come by at 5:00.
Or do you want your girl to do it? I finish up around 6:00.
- Well, then tomorrow? - Most days.
Can we look on Saturday? - But not this Saturday - You work on Saturday? Not every Saturday.
And Saturday nights never.
I'm out in the city, ready for fun.
Well, okay.
I'll call you, roomie.
I got you a sandwich.
- I'm gonna walk around the park.
- Well, have fun, roomie.
It's Mommy.
- Where's Grandpa Gene? - It must've slipped his mind.
- Where is he? - Probably at home.
I'm sure he'll be there when we get home.
Bye, bye, sugar Hello, Patio When the cake is on the plate I'm afraid to gain the weight But now I have some extra room Patio, you make me swoon Diet cola tastes divine Get your own, 'cause this one's mine It's the brand new slender you Now we'll have you singing too Bye, bye, sugar It's great to see you go So bye, bye, sugar Hello, Patio Hello, Patio Hello, Patio - I can't even tell you how thorough Sal was.
- Well, I appreciate that, but this is I don't know.
This is not what I thought it was gonna be.
Glad I'm not alone.
Look, I don't think there's any ambiguity about this being exactly, and I mean exactly, what you asked for.
I know, but there's something not right about it.
- What? - I can't put my finger on it.
- I wish I could, but I can't.
- It's an exact copy, frame for frame.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we send a dupe back to the office with you? No.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could explain it, but it's just not right.
I'm gonna be magnanimous and say it's our idea and our failure, but it is a failure.
That is magnanimous.
- I'm sorry about that.
- Maybe next time.
It's true.
It's not right.
It doesn't make any sense.
It looks right, it sounds right, smells right.
Something's not right.
What is it? It's not Ann-Margret.
Mommy, there's a policeman! Hurry! Yes, may I help you? - Are you related to Eugene Hofstadt? - Yes, I am.
What is it? We regret to inform you that he passed away.
- Oh, God.
- No! No! I'm fine.
- What happened? - He collapsed in line at the A&P.
I'm so sorry, ma'am.
I I Well, we need to know what you'd like to do with his body.
Yes, of course.
- Mr.
Romano's here to see you.
- Send him in.
I figured I'd bring myself to the woodshed.
It must be horrible having a client insist on something and then change their mind once they've seen it.
- I hope it never happens to me.
- I was the director and I let you down.
- I'm in a meeting.
- I have Mrs.
Draper on the line.
- It's urgent.
- I can go.
What's the matter? I'm sorry, Betts.
I'm I'm very sorry.
Do you want me to call William? Just stay put.
I'll be right there.
- I have to go.
- Is everything okay? There's nothing you can do.
Don't ruin the only good thing to come of this.
You are now a commercial director.
How do I know you're not just saying that to make me feel better? You'll know when I hire you again.
Allison, I'm going for the day.
Okay, Ma.
Oh, my goodness.
It's beautiful.
Is that all the noise that this was? Why didn't you wait for Gerry to help? Because he's playing cards and Peggy gets up early.
- Say thank you, Ma.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
An Admiral.
You must be doing well.
- I am.
- What's the matter, peaches? Sit down, Ma.
What's this about? Don't, Anita.
Stay.
Ma, I'm having problems with my apartment, and my commute is very long and It doesn't mean nothing if you want to stay here with us.
Your father and I lived with grandma and grandpa for years.
Your sister was born there.
Ma, I'm getting an apartment in Manhattan.
- Well, that makes sense.
- It really does.
Yeah, I guess I'm the kind of mother who'd rather have a new TV than a daughter.
I got you a new TV because you needed one.
You got me a new TV 'cause you think I was born yesterday.
You belong in the city.
Do you see this, Anita? This is what they do.
Family is cheap.
Well, take it back, okay? Because it's just going to remind me of how stupid you think I am.
Ma! You knew she'd have to move there eventually.
Now, someday both of you are going to feel this, this This broken heart I'm carrying.
You'll get raped, you know that? It's just as dangerous as here, and I'm going to have a roommate.
She's a nice girl.
Her name is Karen Ericson.
She's Norwegian.
- There's a man, isn't there? - No.
Why would I ever believe anything you say? Stop it, Ma.
You're being cruel.
Good night, Ma.
- That wasn't so bad.
- Really? She's been through a lot of change lately.
The Holy Father dying, that was very hard on her.
It has become one country because all of us and all the people who came here had an equal chance to develop their talents.
We cannot say to 10% of the population that you can't have that right, that your children can't have the chance to develop whatever talent Eugene Hofstadt, number two.
Eugene Hofstadt, number two.
What does that mean? There were two Eugene Hofstadts at his bank, so he had to be called Eugene Hofstadt, number two.
Well, he's with Ruth now.
I hope so.
Once he asked, "What's gonna happen when I get to heaven and I have two wives?" Knowing Gloria, I don't think that's gonna be a problem.
Betts, don't eat that.
It was in his car all day.
I don't care.
- Why are you laughing? - Sally, sweetheart - We weren't laughing, honey.
- I heard you.
I heard you laughing.
How can you be sitting there like nothing's happening? Like he's not gone? He was here, now he's not here.
He's gone forever and nobody even knows that.
Stop it.
- You're being hysterical.
Calm down.
- He's dead! He's dead and he's never coming back! And nobody cares - that he's really, really, really gone! - Sally, go watch TV! The United States army convoy was delayed by soviet border guards, when the convoy commander rejected commands that his troops leave their vehicles for a head count.
The Russians finally allowed the convoy to pass.
Robert? Dumbstruck police and horrified crowds gathered as an elderly Buddhist monk set fire to himself today, resulting in his death.
The bizarre act was a protest against the mostly Catholic government of Ngo Dinh Diem of South Vietnam and their supposed campaign of discrimination.
The New York Stock Exchange today saw slight gains in moderate trading as the Dow Jones Industrial Average rose nearly two points.
And now here's Stan Baker for Winston cigarettes.