Monarch Of The Glen (2000) s03e04 Episode Script

( laughing ) Ah, thanks, Robbie.
Wonderful job, as ever.
Thank you very much, sir.
Next.
Actually, I think I'll come back another time.
Robbie: As you wish.
Would any of you gentlemen be wanting something for the weekend? The usual, Robbie, a six-pound line and a packet of hooks.
Who'd have thought it? A grown man frightened of having his hair cut.
I don't mind having a haircut.
I just don't want that one.
We're going to a funeral.
It's a mark of respect.
Speak to him, Golly.
He's old enough to know his own mind.
Where is Duncan? Can I help? Only you look lost.
I'm just waiting for my mother.
Duncan: You're up here on holiday, I expect? - My granddad's being buried today.
- Oh, sorry.
Not howard mcrae? I'm coming to that myself.
Oh, well I'm sure you'll be a great comfort to us all.
Gotta go.
Duncan: I'll be seeing you there, then? Who's your friend? She didn't say.
Pretty lassie, though, eh? Doesn't take after her father then.
- Who is he? - You're looking at him.
( theme music playing ) You're joking, aren't you? And you can forget that.
We certainly don't need this.
Dublin Bay oysters? You put those on the order, they'll come out of your wages.
That is Hector's friday treat.
Tell her, Arch.
He can manage without them.
We all have to make sacrifices.
Thanks for nothing.
( door slams ) A bill from the florist? I ordered a wreath for the funeral.
Sorry, Archie, personal expenditure.
The rules are the same for everyone.
I suppose, technically.
I thought since you're staying here now, there might be room for a bit of give and take.
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours sort of thing.
Except I don't have an itch.
Right.
( bangs ) Ahem- is my tie straight? Who am I, your mother? Sorry.
You look fine.
Did Archie tell you who we saw in the village this morning? Are you joking? Why would he confide in me when wonder woman's got her feet under the table? I don't think Archie likes Stella living here - any more than you do.
- Come on.
She says "jump," and he asks, "how high?" ( bangs ) I was looking for the utility room.
Best of luck.
Duncan-? - The utility room? - Where is it? What is it? The place where the washing machine lives.
- Why didn't you say? - I'll show her.
- I don't mind.
- I said, I'll do it.
This way.
You can't be serious.
I'll use the launderette.
- Hector: Lexie! - Don't leave it too long.
There's already a bad smell around this place.
- Lexie! - There is no need to get yourself into a lather.
You have other things to wear.
That's hardly the point, is it? While we're at it, let's do something about your hair.
Yes? ( chuckles ) I thought you were going to the funeral.
I am, that's why I asked you to send my mourning suit to the cleaners.
That is mourning, as in being a mourner, not morning, as in "good morning, vicar.
" Think yourself lucky.
My suit never came back.
Could I make a wee suggestion? Next time, sort it out yourselves.
Do you know, I think she's in a better mood today? ( door slams ) - Maybe I'll just not go.
- Golly, you have to.
Golly: May be easier for everybody.
Molly: Surely you'll want to find out what sort of young woman she's grown into? This may well be your only chance.
I'll go and look at my other jacket.
Not to worry, Archie can lend you something.
- Yeah, of course.
- That's settled then.
Smart as you can.
Spying now, are we? Calm down, you nearly gave me a heart attack.
No more than you deserve, sneaking about behind everybody's backs.
I don't sneak anywhere.
I was looking for the makings of a sandwich.
Bread.
Cheese.
- Is that it? - Have you not heard? Apparently, we're on an economy drive.
( pounds ) ( bangs ) ( loud bang ) ( loud pound ) It could have been made for you.
I've got a black tie here somewhere.
Here it is.
Jessica.
I'm sorry? Her name- Jessica.
That's what you've been wanting to ask me.
And no, as far as I'm aware, there are no other MacKenzie offspring running around.
She's the only one.
Where have you been hiding her? Apart from photographs, that's the first time I've seen her in 20 years.
- You're sure that's her? - Oh, yes.
It's her grandfather's funeral we're going to.
That was Alison, her mother in the car.
- I didn't know you had been married.
- we weren't.
I wanted to, but Alison knew she would never be happy as a highland wife.
"Too much world to see out there," she said.
Anyway, the pair of them went off when the child was no more than a couple of months old.
Is Jessica gonna know who you are? Only one way to find out.
- Kilwillie: I'm not early, am I? - No.
- I thought you would be ready.
- I am.
What do you think of the new gas guzzler? It's a beauty, Kilwillie.
I'm rather fond of her myself.
She turns quite a few heads.
Molly: I'm sure she does.
Oh, yes.
( laughs ) Oh, yes.
Do you want to drive her to the church? - Really? - Absolutely.
You don't mind a bit of a squeeze, Molly? - When I can get one.
- Hector: What? We'll meet you at the bridge.
I've suddenly got the fancy to stretch the legs a bit.
Shall we perambulate, Hector? I need a word on the Q.
T.
I have rather splendid news.
Well, I better put the old bus to bed.
You can leave it.
I want to take a proper look round the estate.
Are you sure? She can be temperamental.
So can I.
What would you say if I told you you had been nominated, selected, voted on and approved for membership of the Highland Hundred? - I have never heard of it.
- Because it's a secret society.
- The Highland Hundred? - Shush! ( whispering ) The Highland Hundred has its roots in the hellfire club of the 18th century.
Men of means and influence getting together to let their hair down.
It's evolved a bit since then, but membership still has, shall I say, certain advantages.
What sort of advantages? I don't just mean making the right contacts.
I promise you, once you've attended one of their monthly benefits, you'll never miss another.
I am talking a luncheon of epicurean proportions.
Gourmet food, fine wines, rare malts, and most importantly, no fillies.
So you can always loosen the trouser belt afterwards without fear of reprisal.
- Sounds like heaven on earth.
- Oh, better than that.
Why wait till now to ask me? "Out of darkness cometh light.
" Only on the death of a member we can bring in fresh blood.
I see.
this chap, do I know him? Whose funeral do you think we're going to? - Aa-ah! - Ah.
- ( door opening ) - Lex? We're about to go.
You don't have to tell me what you're doing, - you'll do it well.
- If you're referring to Stella, she has our best interests at heart.
Didn't take you long to change sides.
- We all have a part to play.
- It's obvious what mine is.
Don't worry.
I'll stay out of the way, where I can't upset anyone.
You know how we stand.
I can't even buy nails without approval.
Doesn't mean you had to ask her to move in.
If you could just see that she gets what she needs.
( sighs ) Of course seeing as you asked so nicely.
Thank you.
Kilwillie: You're back in business, anyway.
It's out of my hands, take rather a back seat these days.
Hmm.
probably for the best.
Marvelous job, I have to say.
It should be.
That's 100-year-old seasoned oak.
Whose wood have you got for that? Mine.
I supplied it.
- Stuart Mclntosh.
- Mclntosh? Do you realize you're on MacDonald land? Hector, this is the 21st century.
The clan wars are long over.
"MacLean Building Materials?" I had a delivery a couple of miles away.
I thought I'd see the finished article.
- ( car horn honking ) - Last you for generations, this will.
I think that's about to be put to the test.
Who's this maniac? That maniac is a loyal family retainer.
He's driven across this bridge more times than you've had hot muffins.
Watch out! Muscular, agile, dynamic.
24-valve, 204 bhp, 4.
4 v8 engine, and a glovebox big enough to hold a jamboree in.
- ( Hector chuckles ) - After you, old man.
No wonder we lost at Culloden.
Can I help you? Uh, yeah.
I was looking for the laird.
You won't find him in there.
You're probably right.
- Let me give you a hand with those.
- It's okay.
Come on, just so I can boast to my pals.
What are you talking about? I can tell them, truthfully, that within a minute of meeting the most gorgeous woman - I had the clothes off her.
- ( giggling ) In that case, be my guest.
When is the best time to come back and catch the man? You can come in and wait.
You sure? I could do with the company.
Woman: Thank you for coming.
I appreciate it.
Hello.
- Thank you.
- Hello, Alison.
I was wondering when you would say hello.
This is Golly.
He's a very old friend of mine.
Hi.
How are you? Me? I'm fine.
Good.
Alison: We're here for a couple of days.
All right.
We'll have to spend some time together.
Lot of catching up to do.
That would be very nice.
I wanted to offer my condolences.
Your father will be sorely missed.
Thank you.
Bit of a spook, isn't he? Just need to get to know him.
Hi.
That older guy that father's glad-handing, didn't he used to be the local M.
P.
? The other one's a sheriff.
- Gave me my first speeding fine.
- Looks the type.
- No news on the wake then? - For the last time, Hector, - they're not having one.
- It's a damned disgrace.
Music and dancing, that's what I want when I go.
Believe me, dear, there will be.
( laughing ) ( gagging ) Oh, god! Molly: It was a lovely service.
Jessica: This town is too creepy.
We'll try and find a hotel, but I don't hold out much hope.
- Mrs.
MacDonald.
- Alison.
Jessica: If we can't get anywhere, I'd rather sleep in the car.
I mean it.
She's getting wobbly about staying at her granddad's place.
No, I'm not.
There must be someone who can put you up.
Any ideas, Golly? They'd be welcome to stay at my cottage.
- Will you give them the west wing? - Thank you, Duncan.
There's hardly room to swing a cat.
Golly can bunk up with us.
In that case, that sounds ideal.
- Thanks, Duncan.
- Aye.
No problem, Golly.
The door's open.
I'll give you the grand tour.
Can't wait.
Good of you to do this.
She is my daughter.
Wasn't sure how you would feel after all this time.
Caused you a lot of pain taking her away.
I won't deny that.
Will you tell me something? Was it worth it? You always could read my mind.
There were things she's missed out on.
He never said, but I know my dad would have liked to have seen more of her.
It's too late now.
But it's made me think.
I realize I've given up any right to ask for anything go on.
But I would like to tell her the truth - ( sighs ) - About who you are.
Do you think that's for the best? It's an opportunity to be a part of her life.
Surely, you're not gonna say no? That's what I wanted from the beginning.
What is there to consider? Thinking and doing are two different animals.
Just give her a chance to know you.
Hmm.
Right that one! Wrong again.
- How do you do that? - Magic, my dear.
- No- - ahem- - Arch, you're back.
- Yeah.
I'm not disturbing anything, am I? No.
this is Stuart.
He came to see you.
The elusive laird.
It's a pleasure.
We may be able to do some business together.
Here.
Stuart: 12 years I've been in salvage, I'm still surprised what you can find lying around in these old estates.
Do you know what that is? A slate.
A ballahoolish slate.
They don't make them like this anymore.
Look how fine the grain is.
A derelict cottage, what might we be talking? Let's assume cut stone, flags, lintels, lead, timbers maybe a couple of nice fireplaces- £500, 600? Nah, we're wasting each other's time.
Let's not be hasty.
£800.
£1200.
- I can maybe go to £900.
- How about a round £1000? - You're on.
- Cash.
Of course.
I can get a couple of trucks here tomorrow, - you won't even know we've been.
- That suits me fine.
You could be sitting on a little gold mine.
- Here's to the- - shh! ( whispering ) Highland Hundred.
Now, to business.
The benefit.
Have you had any thoughts as to where? Me? why would I? First time on parade, the newest member always plays host.
- we'll hold it here.
- Here? It's a great honor.
I'm sure it is, but Archie wouldn't stand for it.
Archie?! my dear fellow, nobody outside the hundred must have an inkling.
Just cough up the cash, and leave the details to those in the know.
Right.
- Cash? - Or check.
How much? - £2000.
- ( chokes ) It won't be a problem, will it? Kilwillie- really.
We only have to lose the cottage, we'd be looking at quite a windfall.
Which "her ladyship" need know nothing about.
No, they would be gone before she knew they were there.
It's the ace up our sleeve - superior knowledge of the estate.
What will you do with the money? Buy us a bit of freedom.
Means we don't have to beg for every penny.
Gets my vote.
So, where is he? - Who? - Stuart.
Oh, he's gone.
Why? I don't know.
Just thought he might say cheerio, that's all.
No, he shot straight off.
Oh, well.
He's a bit of a chancer, if you ask me.
Is that right? I'll let you know after our date.
What date? He's requested the pleasure of my company for dinner.
Ah! Sorry, Hector, the cupboard is bare.
Do put everything back where you found it.
Golly: Here you are.
Thanks.
Mm-mmm.
Best china, too.
I'm honored.
I don't get a lot of guests up here.
Don't worry, I've drunk out of a lot worse.
Nice.
It's been 15 years now.
Murray, his name is.
He's not come up with you? He thought it best not to be here.
He's happy for us to tell Jessica? Jessica knows he's her step-dad, and he understands why I need to do this.
Sounds like a nice guy.
He is.
What's happened to the hot water? - You'll have run it all off.
- But the bath's only half full.
- That'll be about right.
- You can manage? I suppose I'll have to.
Do you get electricity here, or should we start lighting the oil lamps? This is Golly's home.
Sorry.
It was a joke.
I realize that.
Don't empty the bath when you're finished.
I've got underwear I need to soak.
You are kidding? Deserved that, didn't I? Thank you, Duncan.
Do you know how many disused cottages there are on this estate? What makes you say that? It's not a test.
Just take a guess.
A few.
So far, I've found 10 which are rubble, eight half-standing, and 14 that, with a bit of work, would make excellent holiday homes.
Have you counted the two inside Wallace Woods? I don't think I did.
Archie: Duncan, haven't you something to do? - I was just trying to help.
- you have.
excellent, Duncan.
With the shortage of local accommodation, there's incredible potential.
We have been down that road.
Any not already renovated aren't worth doing.
I don't agree.
And first thing in the morning, I'm going to call a surveyor.
Archie, you could be sitting on a gold mine.
Humph.
Slight flaw in the master plan? Alison: And she's eight in that one.
We were in Malta.
If we're gonna do this, it'll have to be soon.
We can't put it off much longer.
- Who's gonna tell her? - Jessica: tell me what? What's going on with you two? You've been acting odd all evening.
You might want to sit down, lass.
I'm all right here, thanks.
Okay your mother and me were not just old friends, we we were involved for a while.
- Involved? - Whatever you want to call it.
- I do not need to know this.
- Yes, you do.
- What on earth for? - Because Golly is your father.
- You? - Yes.
Nice timing, mum.
Thought this would cheer me up after granddad's funeral, did you? I didn't want you to go away from here thinking you've got no connections anymore.
One day you'll have kids of your own, and they'll want to know where their roots lie.
You could have saved yourself the trouble.
No wonder you've never been able to tell me before.
Getting yourself pregnant by a farm laborer.
What are you gonna spring on me next, the village idiot is my half-brother? I realize I'm not what you imagined.
You've got that right.
I don't know who makes me more embarrassed, you or her.
- Jessica, wait! - ( door slams ) Why go to work on an egg, when it's quicker on a kipper? - Thank you.
- Okay.
Molly.
For those of you who don't know, I shall be dining out this evening, so it'll be a cold supper.
We'll manage.
Going somewhere nice? I'm going with someone nice.
Even better.
Do I detect romance in the air? Mm, I could be tempted.
( door closing ) Golly: hi.
I was wondering if you could do without me for the rest of the day? I'd like to spend time with Jessica.
Take as much time as you need.
There's nothing wrong, is there? No, no, it's just that I don't think I'm what she expected as a father.
Tell her, if she wants to try mine - thanks, Archie.
- You haven't seen Stella? No.
I think she said something about counting more cottages.
Thanks, Lex.
Archie: Stella! I thought I'd see you at breakfast.
I'll grab something later.
The cottages I ought to warn you, they're like a lot of structures on the estate, they look sturdy, but one strong gust of wind and they'll blow over.
Isn't that right, Duncan? Not really.
Like I was saying, the ones up the long track, they're excellent.
- It's not just the structure- - you might as well stop there.
I know why you're so against the idea.
- You do? - It's the cost.
- Eh? - That's what's putting you off.
One guy wanted £4000 just to supply the slates.
Exactly- how much? £4000.
All original, though.
Reclaimed.
£4000! Architectural salvage is the bandwagon to be on.
There's people making fortunes out of it.
Yeah, and I know one of them.
So, we're dropping the whole renovation idea? No, we'll just buy new.
It's cheaper.
Thank you, Duncan.
I knew I could rely on you.
No problem.
Hector: That's right.
£2000.
Well, of course, I'm serious.
And you can tell whoever that is I can hear them laughing in the background.
I can do what? The same to you, with knobs on.
Psst! trouble? Wrong number.
( laughs ) What news? I've had a recky, and I think the basement is our best bet.
- Ahh.
- we can all assemble down there completely undetected, if you can get the chaps in and out.
You leave that to me.
Your club tie.
I thought I would deliver it personally.
Jolly decent of you.
- Ah, check first.
- There's the rub.
Used the last one yesterday.
There'll be a new checkbook in the post.
The moment it arrives I'll send one on to you.
You don't have the necessary, do you? ( sad chuckle ) No.
It's nothing to be embarrassed about.
- It's not a problem at all.
- I can still join? Oh, no.
I'm afraid not.
But, the benefit.
Surely you can't just cancel.
No, we'll hold it at my place.
No need for the rest of us to miss out on the jollies.
Rumor is, it's the finest feed ever.
( chuckles ) I thought you were staying another night.
I'm out of here as soon as mum gets back.
Well, she'll be awhile.
- How do you know? - Because I asked her to.
I'm sorry about last night.
Maybe we shouldn't have sprung it on you like we did, but it was what your mother wanted, and if I'm honest, it's what I wanted.
A bit late to be a part of my life.
You know nothing about me.
You know nothing about me, but I would like the opportunity to find out.
If you'll if you'll give me a chance.
Golly: What do you think? Jessica: It's a boat.
That's not a boat, that's the boat.
- You don't recognize it? - Is it it's the one your grandfather taught you to row in.
It's had a lick or two of paint since then.
What are you doing with it? He wasn't getting out as much as he had, so he thought I would have more use for it.
Keep it in the family, eh? Is there anyone around who doesn't know you're my father? Let's get on with this, shall we? Okay.
( door slams ) Has Stuart been around? No.
why? Because that shyster has offered me a fraction of what those cottages are worth.
- He is a businessman.
- Is that what you call it? Not that you would know.
I'm sorry? Face it.
if you would have been more capable in that direction, we wouldn't have you-know-who poking her nose everywhere.
Speaking of Stella, you not been up-front with her yourself.
Morning, Archie! If you tell me what you want us to take first, I'll get my boys started.
Too late to change my mind, then? - It would be awkward.
- Good.
because I just have.
- We had a deal.
- So, sue me! Golly: You're a natural.
Jessica: I love the water.
Being in it- being on it.
Just being next to it.
Golly: Yeah, me too.
Were you happy? What? You and mum.
Yeah.
Well, for a while.
- Till I came along and spoiled it.
- Don't say that.
That's what happened, isn't it? As far as I was concerned, you made it better.
- Are you hungry? - Oh, starving.
Venison or corned beef? I'm a vegetarian.
Well, these cheese ones will be yours.
- Comedian, eh? - Takes one to know one.
Some of the cottages are just ruins.
They're just gonna lie there and rot.
- His loss.
- That's Archie's trouble.
He wouldn't know a good deal if it jumped up and bit him in the nose.
Just remember, it's thanks to his tenacity that we're still all here.
Not that I expect a Mclntosh to understand.
Okay, but cash money for a pile of rubble? You'd think he'd jump at the chance.
- Cash money? - Yep.
And plenty of it.
Tell me more.
Golly: Must be pretty fit to handle a boat that well.
Must be all that sport you played at university.
Your grandfather and me were the proudest men in the highlands - the day you got your degree.
- Jessica: Really? Heard you were a bit of a footballer.
Or have you given that up? A pub near us has got a women's team.
- You play in it? - I have.
Maybe I'll get to watch you one day.
We only play locally.
Durham isn't all that far.
Just give me a time and I'll be there.
- What? - Yeah.
Cheer you on, take you out for a drink after.
Maybe I can introduce you to my friends? - I'd like that.
- Well, I wouldn't.
In case you hadn't realized, I've got someone who plays dad.
Murray might only be my stepfather, but he's always been there for me.
He was the one who took me on holidays, helped me with my homework, taught me to drive.
You can't step back in and take his place.
That's not what I meant at all.
Good, cause you're 20 years too late.
I'm not going to apologize for wanting to see more of you.
- I'm your father.
- No, you're not.
You're a stranger.
I bet if the truth's told, you aren't even sure when my birthday is.
I knew this was a mistake.
So, for a whole cottage we're talking- well, let's assume cut stone, flags, lintels, lead, timbers maybe a couple of nice fireplaces- - £500.
- Done.
Let's see the color of your money.
( door opens ) - July 24th.
- What? Your birthday, July 24th.
I bought that on your first birthday.
Don't tell me- you forgot to send it? It was sent back.
Christmas the same year, the same thing.
I got this for you when you were two.
And this that Christmas, although I admit I did not send that.
By that time, it was too late.
I'd lost you.
Oh, come on.
You didn't even know where we were.
I kept in touch with your mother.
I knew I had obligations and I met them.
Just to make sure you had what you needed.
- Money, you mean? - Yes, lass, money.
Never a fortune, mind, not on the wages of a farm laborer, but enough to keep body and soul together.
I can't blame you for being angry with me, but you at least get your facts right.
( door opens, closes ) This better be good.
It is, Kilwillie, it is.
I've got it.
Oh, Hector, I knew you wouldn't let the side down.
It was rather last wicket, but a steady nerve and a straight bat won the day.
- It's all there.
- I don't doubt it.
And this is yours.
Well, we better alert the chaps.
Benefit at Glenbogle, tomorrow at noon.
Marvelous.
Good job we booked, eh? I should have said.
It's not the busiest night in the local social calendar.
So where do you usually go to eat? You're joking, aren't you? Come on, you can't be short on offers.
Around here, eligible bachelors are not our greatest asset.
I bet you've had your moments.
Yeah.
That's all they have been.
What about the dashing young laird? Me and Archie? ( laughs ) In your dreams.
Cook and cleaner, that's all he sees me as.
Then I'd say he needs glasses.
Thank you, kind sir.
Coffee? As long as you let me make it.
- Morning.
- Hello.
Archie: Sorry.
You don't waste much time, do you? It's not for me to say, but- you're right.
It's not.
- Be careful, eh? - I am.
That's why we put on some music, shared a bottle of wine, talked into the wee small hours, then Stuart spent the night in one of the guest bedrooms.
As far as I'm concerned, he's a lot more welcome than some people around here.
I think she's starting to like me.
Are you going to be long? I want to get started.
Whenever you're ready.
Ahem, ahem- Kilwillie: Morning, Archie.
- Morning.
- Morning.
Ahem- I love it when a plan comes together.
( chuckling ) The hundred, how are they going to get here? To each his own way.
Oh-! ( laughs ) Ahem-! - Ah.
- Morning.
Ahem! Hi.
Look, I won't keep you long, I just wanted to say something before you go.
Fine, but me first.
I don't mean to sound heartless, but I think we should pretend that the last couple of days never happened.
Okay.
Fine.
You're right, of course.
You've got a family.
You don't need me making things difficult for you.
I spoke out of turn yesterday, and if- if I've upset you, I'm sorry.
That was the last thing I meant to do.
There's been enough hurt.
That's it.
Anyway, you take care of yourself, lass.
Goodbye.
- Do you see that? - Stella: what? That bush, it moved.
It'll be the breeze.
Stella: I had a quick look around the other day.
It's not in too bad a condition.
It won't take much doing up.
In a couple of months, we could be letting.
I don't believe it.
It's gone.
- Must have been that breeze.
- Archie, I'm being serious.
Are you sure this is the right place? Yes, well, no.
I mean- it can't be, can it? Whole cottages don't just vanish.
No, not without help.
Right.
now, how does the official greeting go again? Just like this.
- That's it.
- That's it.
Welcome.
Welcome, brother.
I think it's time to get dressed.
Is it necessary to do all this dressing up? It's not just napkins in laps and noses in troughs.
There is ceremony involved.
Of course, ceremony.
How many more to come? Just one, by my reckoning.
( thumping above, Molly shouting ) - Oh, dear.
- Oh, dear.
Thunderbirds are go.
Right.
Molly: Pat him down, Duncan.
And you- hands above your head.
Spread 'em please.
All right, we'll take over from here? - Watch out, he's tricky.
- Keep him covered, shall I, till the razzis arrive? I don't think there's any need to bother the boys in blue.
But he's an intruder.
Waltzed in, bold as you like and I was just settling down to watch "Ironside.
" Look, I think justice could be best served if we were to take him down to the cellar and give him the old Kilwillie caution.
What do you say, Hector? ( panting ) Absolutely.
it won't be a pretty sight, so I'm going to have to ask you both to- understood.
Come on, Duncan.
Sometimes its best we don't know.
Thank you, both of you.
I'm so sorry, your grace.
( panting ) Come on, then.
Let's go.
Okay.
( coughs ) ( laughs ) I prefer what you were wearing last night.
Back to reality, eh? Come here.
You look good to me in anything.
Thank you.
When were you gonna come back and take the rest? What's going on? As far as I know cottages don't just disappear, but four of ours have.
They were unsafe.
Should have been pulled down years ago.
You don't deny you've taken them? - Why should I? - Because it's theft.
Not when you've got a receipt.
- That's not from me.
- Did I say it was? Lexie: If you're looking for someone to blame, maybe you should look closer to home.
- This is it, Kilwillie.
- Certainly is.
your blindfold.
- Hector: not too tight.
- Stay right where you are.
What on earth have you two come as? - Fancy dress.
- Told you there was something funny going on.
- What an absurd suggestion.
- The money, where is it? Say nothing.
Careless talk costs lives.
Fear not, Kilwillie.
There's only one thing for it, then.
We'll have to take away your toys.
Duncan, train set.
It will be mine for keeps? If we don't get what we want, yes.
Stella, fishing rods.
You wouldn't dare! It might be the thing to jog the memory.
I shouldn't leave it too long.
I might forget where I put them.
Do you know what happened to the last woman who tried to threaten me? Do you know what happened to the last man who tried to stand in my way? All right.
Duncan, wait.
Can I just keep an engine? I had the money, but it's gone.
It was only £2,000.
- What have you done with it? - I joined the Highland Hundred.
The what? The Highland Hundred.
It's supposed to be some secret club.
Do you mean you've heard of us? - Hasn't everybody? - I hadn't.
I suggest you ask for a refund.
Kilwillie: That's completely out of the question.
We haven't refunded a penny in our entire history.
Lord Kilwillie, I intend to recoup those funds from somewhere.
I only wish I could help.
Howard McRae, wasn't he one of your members? - Oh, yes- - ( Kilwillie stammers ) You might very well think so.
We couldn't possibly comment.
Archie: Which might explain the people at his funeral.
Like the sheriff.
I don't see what that's got to do with anything.
I was thinking, I could tip off the Press and Journal.
Give 'em a few names they might be interested in printing.
Oh, yes- it could even pay.
They'd want to know who I'd heard it from.
But then I could never hold up my head in polite society again.
Stella: Exactly.
Is it too late to say I'm sorry? You've nothing to be sorry for.
Yes, I have.
I've been thinking, there's no reason why I can't have two dads, is there? Not that I know of.
What changed your mind? Finding out what great taste you had in presents.
You should have seen what I got you the year before.
That would be nice.
'Course, you'd have to invite me back.
Only if you really mean it.
I do.
I promise.
Anytime you like, lass.
Anytime you like.
All's well that ends well, eh, Kilwillie? It hasn't ended very well for me or my bank balance.
Good feed and convivial company.
That will take your mind off it.
- I suppose you're right.
- Of course I am.
- Come on, then.
- You got me? - Yes.
- Thanks, old man.
Behold, the benefit.
Splendid, can I take this off now? No, no, I wouldn't.
Not just yet, old man.
Right, well- hello, chaps, I mean, brothers.
( chuckling ) It's lovely to be here.
I suppose this is all a part of the ceremony, you all being quiet? That's splendid, only don't start without me.
( theme music playing )