Moonshine (2021) s03e04 Episode Script
I Am the Night!
1
NORA: Previously on Moonshine
RYAN: You cancelled all my bookings!
CRYSTAL: You just need
to find your own thing.
ANI: I think this is
a Viking dagger, a Scramasax.
We'd need expert confirmation.
CRYSTAL: She's running for
President of the Foxton Cove
Business Association.
OSCAR: I thought she
would need me more.
I was supposed to be her nurturer,
her mighty pillar!
Instead I feel more
like a rotting porch.
You just promised Rhian
that you would not aid in the
obliteration of the Moonshine.
And now all of a sudden
you are the lead architect?
The last thing I need is my own sister
stabbing me in the back, again!
Lidia (V.O.): They say creativity
is an unlimited resource.
The muse is generous and
she bestows endless gifts
upon those willing to put in the work.
But everyday ho-hum
creativity is one thing.
When you seek the
spark of true genius,
that bitch can be elusive.
["DRAGGIN' THE LINE"
BY TOMMY JAMES PLAYING]
Makin' a livin' the old hard way ♪
takin' and givin' my day by day ♪
I dig snow and rain
and the bright sunshine ♪
♪
Draggin' the line
(DRAGGIN' THE LINE) ♪
♪
My dog Sam eats purple flowers ♪
we ain't got much
but what we got's ours ♪
Lidia (V.O.): But while
she may be elusive,
the artist needs to be ready,
a vessel primed
for when lightning strikes,
because when it does
♪
Draggin' the line
(DRAGGIN' THE LINE) ♪
Yes
I feel fine,
I'm talkin' 'bout peace ♪
- [LOUD HAMMERING]
- [MUSIC SUDDENLY STOPS]
Shit! Are you kidding me?
What are you doing?
Evicting you.
[SCOFFS]
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
this is my life, this is my life ♪
this is my life, my life ♪
[LOUD HAMMERING]
LIDIA: Look, Rhian,
I know you're a little upset.
RHIAN: I get, uh, "a little upset"
about stepping in goose dung.
This is a little blood rage.
You're a traitor.
The second you accepted
that job with our enemy
is the second you
stopped receiving the perks
of being a part of this family.
Um, FYI
A shitty old trailer
is the opposite of a perk.
And do I need to
remind you that I own 43%
of said shitty trailer,
and this campground?
You can't evict me!
- Actually, I can.
- And how's that?
'Cause I'm agod.
That's acting governance
operating delegator.
I have full discretion about who
gets to stay in this campground
regardless of ownership.
If you have a problem with that,
you can appeal to the FCBA.
Oh, wait! That's me!
I was just appointed president!
Ha-ha! Appeal denied!
- [LOUD HAMMERING]
- [LIDIA TAKES DEEP BREATH]
You know what? Fine! That's just fine.
I need an environment
to be creative, anyway.
Being around your psychosis
is disruptive to my process!
[SIGHS]
See ya never!
[HAMMERING CONTINUES]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SIGHS]
♪
Oh, no
RHIAN: You should
have seen her, Oscar,
walking off with nothing but
a broken-down lawn chair.
How much do you think we can
rent Lidia's trailer out for?
Do we have to disclose
that somebody died in it?
Well, now you're the president
of the Foxton Cove
Business Association,
you can sort of just
make your own rules.
Another perk!
Now I have the power
to Bury Wesworld in red tape.
At the very least,
it gives Ani more time
to have the Moonshine
declared a historical site.
I'm drunk with power and the
party's just getting started!
Woot!
Woot
Oh!
Speaking of power
Did you contact the local news
to inform them of
my political ascension?
Oh [SIGHS]
I completely forgot.
My God, I can't do anything right.
EMPLOYEE: [ON WALKIE-TALKIE] Rhian!
RHIAN: I prefer "Madame President."
And don't forget to say "over." Over.
EMPLOYEE: There's some
man-jamming happening
in the woods behind cabin #8.
Assholes!
Didn't even invite me! Over over.
On it over and out.
Um
Do you think you can
deal with this?
Yeah!
Already done
Hun.
Okay.
♪
♪
♪
OSCAR: Okay
let's see what's going on.
[MEN CHEERING AND YELLING]
[MEN HOWLING AND BARKING]
[MEN HOWLING AND BARKING]
Gentlemen! We have a guest
Pack!
[GRUNTING]
OSCAR: Gah!
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
LIDIA: Booked till Thanksgiving? Ugh.
Okay, well, can I leave you my number
in case something opens up?
Hello?
He hung up! So rude.
It's like there's a "no vacancy" sign
hanging over this entire province.
It's high season, sweetheart.
You know every B&B owner
on the south shore.
Can you maybe pull some strings
with the Shiny Birch?
Lance and Bev are out of the biz.
Seems someone built
a big luxury hotel on their bay.
Not that we'd know
anything about that.
Dad, I know you're worried
about me taking this job.
What makes you so sure
that we're not gonna end up
like Lance and Bev, out on our ass?
This Wes character, I don't know.
Kids from wealthy
families can be dangerous.
Too much to prove.
Too much to lose.
What about kids
from non-wealthy parents?
School of hard knocks keeps us wise.
Dad, I promise it will be okay.
Okay.
You can crash in the loft
above the workshop.
There's a couple of cots
and a card table up there.
It's where I used to hide when
I messed up with your mother.
It's still on Moonshine grounds.
No way am I giving Rhian
the satisfaction
of kicking me out twice.
Hmm.
Hold on.
Maybe I can camp
- Oh
- Hmm!
Pitch a tent in the woods,
that grove where we
used to play as kids.
- Finn and El would love that.
- Those old woods?
Cold, boggy
The Old Wells.
It's perfect.
I've been having trouble
getting creative lately.
This can be my chance
to be one with the landscape.
If I'm gonna build it, I need to
I need to be it feel it!
ELEANOR: Mom?
Why is our trailer boarded up
and all of our shit's in the dumpster?
Oh, uh, 'cause
Welcome home!
♪
LIDIA: Okay.
Alright, I just gotta
Put the pole-amajiggy in the hole.
Is pole "pole-amajiggy"
an actual architectural term?
Can't we just Google the instructions?
[SCOFFS]
And Rob ourselves of
the joy of problem-solving?
Like, this is a teachable
moment, kids.
- [METALLIC BANG]
- Fark!
You were saying?
I was saying you can't
Google the smell of pine.
ELEANOR: Just did.
The scent comes mostly
from a chemical compound
called terpenes.
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, it's work. I gotta get this.
Oh, hey, Wes!
What's shakin'?
WES: Hey.
Just wanted to check in
on my favourite architect.
How's the redesign coming?
LIDIA: Oh, it's coming
Um, funny you should call.
I'm actually in my office
working as we speak.
WES: Great.
I want to get my father on board
with the new concept ASAP.
Is Monday doable?
Doable? More like doneable!
[CHUCKLES] Killer.
Talk soon.
You bet! Ta-ta!
Okay, let's be real, mom.
The only reason why we're camping
is because Rhian evicted us.
From our ancestral home.
Is that legal?
LIDIA: Okay, yes, fine,
Rhian is in a little blood rage.
Her words, not mine.
Well, can you blame her?
You took a job building
a multi-million-dollar resort
on delicate wetland
Well, maybe I'm making sure
a very wealthy developer
doesn't build with impunity.
I'm making sure that the new resort
doesn't compete with
said ancestral home.
For an unhoused person
wearing an ankle monitor
with a rap sheet,
you're awfully cheery.
I'm dealing with adversity
in a positive way.
FINN: Well, regardless of the reason,
I'm actually psyched to camp, mom.
Thank you, Finn!
Anything to get my mind
off of Petko Nenov.
He's this flautist prodigy
from Bulgaria
who thinks he's
God's gift to woodwinds.
Ah, that's the spirit!
Leave your baggage
at civilization's doorstep.
In the sanctuary of nature,
it's only good times!
[GRUNTS]
I googled the tent. It's inside-out
And upside-down.
[SIGHS] Balls.
Oh, no
Hey!
You've been staring off
into the middle distance
since I passed by two hours ago.
Is this wake and bake or
Actual crisis?
RYAN: Both.
Just Crystal is totally
rocking her thing,
and I almost kind of ruined her thing.
So now I've been asked
to step back from her thing.
But the thing is, what's my thing?
Is it to just not exist,
to be no thing at all?
I have
No answer to that.
OSCAR: [PANICKED] Guys! Guys! Guys!
RYAN: Whoa, Oscar!
Oscar, are you okay, buddy?
Am I okay?
I have just found the
solution to all my problems.
I have been manthused.
Well, I need a solution.
Could being manthused
be an answer for me, too?
Okay, no, maybe ask what it is first?
Manthusium is a male
empower-men-t group.
Oof, red flag.
It's for men who've lost their way,
which is exactly how I felt
since the twins were born.
It's founded on radical male love.
- Red
- Harnessing the power
of masculinity to
actualize your best self!
- Flag!
- Also, there's mud wrestling.
And they're all staying on
the campground for a retreat.
Okay, just a quick question:
What does mud wrestling
have to do with self-actualization?
No idea.
But tomorrow is all about
finding your inner man-imal.
You guys should both come.
If I bring two guests,
the session's free.
Inner man-imal?
- In!
- Yes!
[GRUNTS]
No, not in! This sounds lame.
Sammy, come on!
Do it for daddy.
Eugh Mm-mm, gross.
- Fine, yeah.
- Yes!
Only out of a sense
of morbid curiosity,
a little bit of pity,
a touch of ass-dragging.
Ani has me analyzing soil samples.
OSCAR: Sleep well, boys.
Tomorrow
We get manthused!
[LAUGHS]
OSCAR: Yeah!
We are killing this!
Even if Rhian asked us
to come home, I'd say no.
The Bennetts have returned
to their essential roots,
our literal roots!
We're not just surviving,
we are thriving.
And this stinks of procrastination.
You're avoiding work.
Ah, it's all part of my
New process
that might not be working.
FINN: Well, what was your old process?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
Well, I'd draw up a concept doc
and your father would critique it.
I guess there was less
pressure to come up with
something perfect because
he'd usually improve it.
ELEANOR: And what if
he wasn't improving it?
What if he was just
making it different?
Sounds like you're afraid to do
it alone because that would mean
committing to your own voice
and risking failure.
That's why you're
having creative block.
You're good.
So no more procrastination?
Says the woman procrastinating
on writing her final term paper.
FINN: Okay, plain rice cakes
and unsweetened granola.
Is this all we got?
Quality cramming does
require quality junk food.
♪
ANI: Shit, shit, shit
- Hey!
- Hey.
Hey, Nora.
You seen Lidia?
I heard something about
camping in the woods.
Hmm, Lidia in the woods
would be riveting content.
But it would also require
me going into the woods,
so hard pass.
Stress vaping?
Mm-hm, know it when I see it.
It's just some grief with the dig.
It's just a lot of pressure
now that there's actual
living humans
whose livelihoods are at stake.
Usually my clientele's been dead
a few thousand years.
Yeah, I feel that.
I used to care about nothing.
Now I have a career
that I give a rat's ass about
and a man that I love.
It's like ugh!
Can I hit that?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh
You know what we need?
- A blowout.
- Hmm.
Work off the stress,
just like old times.
Beer and amaretto car bombs,
maraschino cherries till I puke!
My blowouts consist of half
an edible and skipping yoga.
- I'm not
- no, then it is settled.
We are gonna get sloppy, okay?
You, me, baptism by fire.
You are family now.
Listen, I wish I could,
but I have so much to
catch up on today
alright, tomorrow, then. No excuses.
- But Nora, I really
- No excuses!
♪
Okay, kids.
Prepare for operation
libera los munchies.
My sister has cornered
the snack market in Foxton.
FINN: Rhian won't let us get
within five feet of that shelf.
Which is why we'll need a distraction,
by creating every
mother's worst nightmare
Crying babies.
Hey, little cousins.
- [BABIES BABBLING]
- Don't hate me.
Booga-wooga-woo-woo-woo!
[BABIES CRYING]
LIDIA: Once the coast is clear,
we'll grab our Booty
like bad-ass bandits.
Boo-ya!
[GLEEFUL SQUEAL]
[BABIES FUSSING]
♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
LIDIA: The key to
operation libera los munchies
is to focus
in, out, no distractions!
RHIAN: Is someone there?
ELEANOR: [IN A WHISPER]
Mom, she's coming.
There isn't time!
LIDIA: [IN A WHISPER] It's rosé!
There's always time.
♪
[GLEEFUL SQUEAL]
♪
♪
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- LIDIA: Woo, victory!
Pass the chips.
FINN: [LAUGHS]
Well, this almost makes up
for you missing Christmas.
I'm really sorry about
my winter of discontent.
But it's all up from here, okay?
I promise.
You know what?
A toast.
This moment isn't about
being housing-challenged,
looming deadlines,
or inadequate parenting.
- It's about
- Pissing off Aunt Rhian?
I'm not out to piss off Rhian.
Not exactly.
What happened with you two?
Oh
I don't even know where to start.
Um
If I had to pinpoint a moment,
I guess the Summer Eats
Poster Contest.
Here we go! Get comfortable.
The prize was a pink pencil case
stuffed with the
finest smelly markers.
I knew if I was gonna
be a famous architect,
I needed that pink beaut.
Rhian wanted it too,
more than anything.
Obsessed.
But my poster won.
Hers just read
"Buy Citrus or rot of scurvy!"
Literally written in her own blood.
We fought about it all summer long.
Mom threatened to take it away,
so finally I just hid it in some tree.
But I hid it so well
even I couldn't find it again.
Rhian refused to believe I'd lost it.
She thought I'd rather destroy it
than let her have it, which
I don't know, looking back
Was kind of true.
I should get to work.
[RADIO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
- [MUSIC GOES OFF]
- LIDIA: [GASPS]
What the?
ELEANOR: Did we blow a fuse?
Are there fuses in the woods?
- FINN: Someone unplugged us.
- [TENT DOOR UNZIPS]
- RHIAN: [YELLS]
- LIDIA: God!
You robbed the munchie stand.
And now you die.
Seriously, Rhian?
Yeah, that munchie
stand is my third child.
You woke the twins,
my first and second child,
and now you pay.
It was a couple bags of ketchup chips.
Silence!
Okay, kids, can you please
just give us a second?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
A bit much, don't you think?
No. You stole Moonshine property.
Do I need to remind you that I own
43%, yeah, and the other 57%
is controlled by moi.
There!
57%, all yours!
Happy?
No, I am not.
We're not kids fighting over
a pencil case anymore, Rhian.
We need to put an end to this.
Oh, you want to put an end to this?
Then go tell those crooks
that you can't design
their ridiculous resort!
That is a surefire way to
get the Moonshine bulldozed.
Will you stop playing
the family saviour
and just admit that
you're doing this for you?
That you are choosing
your ambition over your family?
Your children,
my children, and for what?
So everyone oohs and ahhs,
"Oh, Lidia, she's so talented!"
God, selfish!
You take. You just take, take, take,
take, take like a vampire,
feeding off everyone, everything!
But that's all over now.
I am starving you out.
You're not gonna get
another drop of blood
from the Moonshine. And without us?
Hmph! You're nothing.
Without us,
you won't survive another night.
[SCOFFS]
Survive the night?
I am the night!
Pfft!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[MILITARY DRUMMING]
[GRUNTING AND ANIMAL NOISES]
OSCAR: Alright, did you guys
choose what animal to embody?
I'm going with the mighty stallion.
RYAN: Ooh, good choice, dude!
I'm going with gorilla.
Strong, caring, great pecs.
What about you, little bro-son?
Um starfish?
A starfish isn't
a really man-imal animal.
The prompt was to pick
an apex predator.
Okay, one, stallions
and gorillas are vegetarians.
And two, I mean,
a starfish can push its stomach
outside of its own body!
And it's a star!
[LAUGHS] Okay
I guess I'm just
having a hard time, uh
Taking manthusium seriously.
I mean, if I have to beat my chest
in front of a bunch of guys,
there better at least
be wine and cheese.
So, uh, sorry, you guys
- No, no, Sammy!
- But starfish out.
- Sammy!
- Starfish out!
- Aww!
- Ry, Ry, Ry, it's okay.
Let him go.
Alpha says we have to come
to manthusium in our own time
Our own pace.
Alright, you go first!
Let out your gorilla, Ry.
Okay.
- [TRIBAL DRUMMING]
- [RYAN GRUNTING]
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
[GROWLING]
OSCAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Okay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
No, no, no, no, no! [SCREAMS]
[GROWLING WILDLY]
Okay! Aah!
Okay, okay!
- [ROARING]
- Uncle!
Uncle!
- Ryan?
- Hi.
- A little help?
- Oh, sorry, dude.
I I got carried away. I
I feel amazing!
Charged!
Ha, you gotta try this!
Come on, dude, unleash your stallion!
Here we go.
Alright. Ahh!
[GROWLS]
[WHINNIES LIKE A HORSE]
That was more like
a donkey than a stallion.
Oh. Right.
[BELLOWS INCOHERENTLY]
Maybe try a different animal?
No, I got this, I got this.
Hang on. [CLEARS THROAT]
[HOLLERS WILDLY]
I need a glass of water.
ANI: Mm someone means business!
When it comes to getting shitfaced,
I've put in my 10,000 hours.
Are are we avoiding?
- Obviously.
- Yeah.
Uh, Terry wants kids
like an addict wants smack,
and family is career suicide,
right, so
Oh, I don't think I'm
qualified to comment on that,
having just reconnected with my
grown-ass adult son last summer.
Do you regret not having another one?
If I had, I probably wouldn't
be where I am in my career.
- Hmm!
- But I did think about it.
I froze my eggs.
I have a batch chillin' in
a freezer on west 32nd street.
[GIGGLES]
I just assumed my eggs were pickled.
Deviled at minimum.
But I admire an attempt
to control your own fate.
Here's to calling our own shots.
Speaking of shots, it is time
to take things up a notch.
♪
LIDIA: Nothing like a swim
to get those creative juices
flowing, huh?
[GASPS]
FINN: Uh, who took half our tent?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
57% of the tent
Mom, you got a lot of head vein
action going on right now.
This is fine.
It's fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!
She thinks we can't overcome this?
Ha, I say!
Ha!
Mom, you know we can't
stay here right?
43% of a tent is just
a raincoat and hypothermia.
I need power, for real.
Like, I have a term
paper I need to finish.
You know, some people
pay a mint to camp en plein air.
Can we just go crash at Nora's?
She keeps a key
under the recycling bin.
Really, guys?
Her place smells like
butts and dead pizza.
Mm-hm!
But at least her toilet
isn't a hole in the ground.
Yeah Oh, I get it.
I get it. You you go.
So you're just gonna
stay out here, alone?
Yeah!
I am the night!
Right?
FINN: Okay.
LIDIA: Love you.
- Bye.
- Love you.
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Crushing it.
- Damn!
- Hmm!
Okay. More shots for the ladies!
ANI: No, nope, none for me.
No, no, I'm calling it.
Calling it?
Yeah, it's been fun,
but I have biologically attained
the perfect buzz.
Body mass multiplied by
alcohol consumed over time,
and any more, I will lose control.
Okay, no offence,
but you need to lose control.
You're a freak.
Yeah, I fully admit it.
I don't tell people how I feel,
I pre-clean for the cleaning lady,
and I never go barefoot.
What about the shower?
Okay, where do you
stand on public toilets?
I've actually had to go for hours.
Pathological!
Control is what
keeps my life on track.
I mean, the last time I lost control,
I got pregnant with Sammy.
Great things happen when you unclench.
Okay, just one more.
["COME ON, EILEEN" BY DEXY'S
MIDNIGHT RUNNERS PLAYING]
At this moment ♪
you mean everything ♪
you in that dress ♪
my thoughts, I confess ♪
verge on dirty ♪
ah, come on, Eileen ♪
♪
Yeah!
[DRUNKEN SCREAMING]
What's your deal, Bruce?
Like, you used to be a party animal.
Yeah, then I got sober.
So should you two.
But the night's still young
and I wanna dance with somebody.
NORA: Yeah!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
NORA: Oh, yeah!
BOTH: yeah, I wanna
dance with somebody! ♪
Don't you wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance!
Don't you wanna dance?
Dance!
- Party's over.
- Oh, whatever.
You know what, they water
down the drinks here anyway.
- We don't need this!
- Bruce!
NORA: Let's go, let's go.
We're outta here.
ANI: Yeah. Nghh
I'm gonna have
a killer headache tomorrow
while I'm writing apology letters
to all the Shore Club staff.
And to Ken.
Dad? Well, what
What do you have to
apologize to him for?
He thinks I don't appreciate him.
I do, I just I don't
want to let anyone down.
Hey, hey!
You did not disappoint
me tonight, sister.
- Okay?
- Mm-hm.
And
Who knew that inside
all that science and biometrics
- [GIGGLES]
- Is just pure chaos theory?
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
You know what else is also inside me?
- Yeah?
- So much pee.
Oh my God, why don't
you just take a piss already?
Listen, you wanna
colour outside the lines?
Now's your chance!
It's gonna be okay.
I promise you.
See?
[URINE TINKLING]
- I'm free-peeing!
- Way to go, professor.
You have earned your
Pee-h-d!
- What?!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Now you just gotta apply
the squat technique
for the rest of your life.
God, that's something
I never wanted to see.
[ANI AND NORA LAUGH]
Hey, you guys know that there's
a storm coming, right?
Oh, yeah.
I'm pretty sure that it's
Already drizzling!
- A real downpour!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
They got you too, huh? Okay.
Alright, let's go. Let's go!
You can do your pants
back up in the car.
- This is a nice car!
- It's a golf cart, Nora.
A really nice set of wheels.
Son, I got a secret.
Promise you won't tell?
- Okay?
- Shh-shh-shh-shh!
I think I love your dad.
Well, yeah, everyone loves Ken.
No! Ryan!
I love Ryan!
I love Ryan!
NORA: Oh, shit.
She really unclenched.
ANI: don't you wanna dance? ♪
[NORA JOINS IN]
say you wanna dance ♪
She'll forget everything
in the morning.
ANI: I love Ryan!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[RAIN POURING]
KEN: Okay, kid.
Time to pack it up.
Dad!
Why do I keep doing this?
Sitting in the rain like a nutter?
I really thought
I could save everyone
with some brilliant redesign.
Your old man may not have
more than an unfinished
high school education,
but it doesn't take much more
to know that you've got a gift.
You've always had one.
You go after what you want.
You take risks.
I wish I had an ounce of that.
[SOBBING]
I'm still your dad.
I need you to come inside.
No, I need to spend
the night out here.
I need to see this through!
♪
♪
The fire's on if you change your mind.
[WHIMPERS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
♪
FINN: We were worried sick.
Have you been drinking?
Ah
You almost got me!
Here's a question for you guys
Why have not you two been drinking?
That's the question.
Come on. Come on!
Let's keep this
party truck a-truckin'!
Guys, come on!
God!
Kids are boring!
You know, in 1983, there was
[SIGHS] Get a bucket.
[RAIN POURING]
LIDIA: Ugh I will build a shelter,
because that is what I do!
I build things!
Huh? Oh, yes.
Great, great.
Huh? Oh
Hey, you two, come to mama.
Whoop!
Ugh!
Are you kidding me?!
[DREARY MUSIC]
Ha!
Got ya!
♪
A-ha!
- [CREAKING SOUNDS]
- Huh?
- [LOUD CRACK]
- [SCREAMING]
[SPLASH]
OSCAR: Babe What are you doing?
Sentinel duty.
In case Lidia retaliates,
I need to be prepared.
Defending this place
single-handedly is no joke.
The lodge has many
tactical weaknesses.
Well, uh
Here if you need me.
Are you, though?
[SIGHS]
Let's be honest, Oscar.
Our sexual extension cord
Has been cut.
Is it that you're
not attracted to me anymore?
What? No, no, Rhi.
Oh God, no.
It's just me.
[SIGHS]
Ever since we've become parents
I've felt like a fourth wheel.
Babe, you are the fourth wheel.
The most important wheel.
Babe, our family is a lawnmower,
and lawnmowers
need four wheels to work.
We need you, Oscar.
I need you. You're you're our man.
[SNORTS LIKE A HORSE]
Did you just snort?
Yeah?
Sorry, I don't know.
I won't do it again.
Do it again!
[WHINNIES]
Again?
- [WHINNIES]
- Yes!
- Oscar!
- [WHINNIES]
Oh, you're a stallion, alright!
This cowgirl needs to ride her bronco.
Keep it going!
- [WHINNIES]
- Yes, yee-haw!
- Oww, oww!
- [LAUGHING AND WHINNYING]
[PANICKED CRYING]
Oh, God!
Oh, no
Help!
Anyone! Help me!
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
[STRAINING]
[SPLASH]
[WHIMPERING]
- Ow!
- [SPLASH]
[SOBBING]
You win.
You win, Rhian!
[SOBBING]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
What the hell?
Pink beaut?
My pencil case?!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[SCREAMS WITH JOY]
♪
[FABRIC RIPPING SOUNDS]
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
♪
♪
[GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]
♪
♪
Oh, God! Yes!
Okay
♪
[STRAINING AND BREATHING HEAVILY]
[STRAINING AND BREATHING HEAVILY]
♪
♪
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
♪
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
[SCREAMS WITH JOY]
♪
I am Lidia Finley-Cullen
and I am the night, damn it!
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- [LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
Mmm
OSCAR: Morning.
Coffee?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Thank you, sweety.
So, last night was pretty wild.
Yeah, and not just
on the dusty trails.
The storm was nasty.
The grounds got pretty beaten up.
Lots of downed trees.
I would not want to be
stuck outside last night.
Lidia?
Lidia, I swear to God,
if you're dead, I will kill you.
♪
Hello, sister.
You know bushcraft?
[SIGHS] Nature is intuitive.
Plus, I found something
I thought I had lost forever.
Hmm!
Your sanity?
[GIGGLES] My muse.
Recognize this?
Pink beaut?
Yeah.
It should have been mine.
It should have been ours.
Your poster on the benefits
of citrus curing scurvy
was actually genius.
Rhian, I'm not out to take
anything away from you
or to destroy our family.
I promise to protect us.
Am I doing this for me?
Yes.
But I'm also doing it for you,
and for your babies, and mine.
For all of us.
♪
♪
And here
You deserve this.
Maybe you always did.
♪
♪
Hmm. Take a sniff!
You know you want to.
[LOUD SNIFF]
Yeah!
[GRUNTING AND CHEERING]
RYAN: Ahh, wow!
What a weekend!
[GRUNTS]
[INDECIPHERABLE YELLING IN BACKGROUND]
Oh-ho-ho, drive safe, guys!
[EXHALES]
Uh good weekend?
Transformational, little bro-son.
Manthusium is frickin' core!
Core?
I'm just sorry you couldn't
unlock your beast, buddy.
Oh, I, uh I wouldn't say that.
Really? It worked?
Oh, yes!
Alright, next chapter meeting,
you and me, together.
Until then, man-rilla must devour!
[GRUNTING]
We were at the same retreat, right?
Yeah.
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Oh my God!
I thought you were done.
You're not making more changes,
are you?
No, I'm not done till the last
nail is hammered, sweety.
"Rediscovering
the childhood wonder of nature."
That's actually really pretty good.
♪
I actually really appreciate that!
ANI: [SIGHS]
What's on your mind, Prof?
[EXHALES DEEPLY] Apply the squat
What?
The Scramasax isn't a Viking relic,
it's a replica from the 1870s
made of bog iron
that fooled my naked eye.
I was wrong.
Well, that blows.
I'm sorry.
And here I thought
it was all my fault.
Why?
Well, for one,
I have no clue what I'm doing.
Never have.
Don't let the 'stache fool you;
I'm free-falling
like the rest of them.
But, uh Mea culpa.
We'll find a way.
We always do.
But how? The dig is over.
There's
Well, now that you're
an honorary member
of the Finley-Cullen family,
I can let you in on a trade secret.
Which would be?
It's called the workaround, kiddo.
♪
♪
SAMMY: And then there was
this one guy who kept roaring
and calling himself
the ultimate man-atee.
But what I really wanna know
is how manthusiastic
the starfish is about meeting me,
the man-ta ray?
Rawr!
Shut up!
But seriously, I mean,
watching this group of guys
terrified that they're
not adhering to some
- bullshit machismo ideals
- [PHONE RINGS]
Oh, speaking of bullshit machismo
It's my father.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Daddy-o?
You like the plans?
Yeah.
No, I haven't told her yet.
No, Dad, we can't.
No, no, let me.
Let me do it, alright?
Let me tell them.
[SIGHS] Fine!
♪
SAMMY: Tell who what?
Nothing.
Nah, it's nothing
for you to worry about.
Um, I'm gonna go
Take a walk.
Sure.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
NORA: Previously on Moonshine
RYAN: You cancelled all my bookings!
CRYSTAL: You just need
to find your own thing.
ANI: I think this is
a Viking dagger, a Scramasax.
We'd need expert confirmation.
CRYSTAL: She's running for
President of the Foxton Cove
Business Association.
OSCAR: I thought she
would need me more.
I was supposed to be her nurturer,
her mighty pillar!
Instead I feel more
like a rotting porch.
You just promised Rhian
that you would not aid in the
obliteration of the Moonshine.
And now all of a sudden
you are the lead architect?
The last thing I need is my own sister
stabbing me in the back, again!
Lidia (V.O.): They say creativity
is an unlimited resource.
The muse is generous and
she bestows endless gifts
upon those willing to put in the work.
But everyday ho-hum
creativity is one thing.
When you seek the
spark of true genius,
that bitch can be elusive.
["DRAGGIN' THE LINE"
BY TOMMY JAMES PLAYING]
Makin' a livin' the old hard way ♪
takin' and givin' my day by day ♪
I dig snow and rain
and the bright sunshine ♪
♪
Draggin' the line
(DRAGGIN' THE LINE) ♪
♪
My dog Sam eats purple flowers ♪
we ain't got much
but what we got's ours ♪
Lidia (V.O.): But while
she may be elusive,
the artist needs to be ready,
a vessel primed
for when lightning strikes,
because when it does
♪
Draggin' the line
(DRAGGIN' THE LINE) ♪
Yes
I feel fine,
I'm talkin' 'bout peace ♪
- [LOUD HAMMERING]
- [MUSIC SUDDENLY STOPS]
Shit! Are you kidding me?
What are you doing?
Evicting you.
[SCOFFS]
["BAD SIDE OF THE MOON"
BY APRIL WINE PLAYING]
This is my life, my life ♪
this is my life, this is my life ♪
this is my life, my life ♪
[LOUD HAMMERING]
LIDIA: Look, Rhian,
I know you're a little upset.
RHIAN: I get, uh, "a little upset"
about stepping in goose dung.
This is a little blood rage.
You're a traitor.
The second you accepted
that job with our enemy
is the second you
stopped receiving the perks
of being a part of this family.
Um, FYI
A shitty old trailer
is the opposite of a perk.
And do I need to
remind you that I own 43%
of said shitty trailer,
and this campground?
You can't evict me!
- Actually, I can.
- And how's that?
'Cause I'm agod.
That's acting governance
operating delegator.
I have full discretion about who
gets to stay in this campground
regardless of ownership.
If you have a problem with that,
you can appeal to the FCBA.
Oh, wait! That's me!
I was just appointed president!
Ha-ha! Appeal denied!
- [LOUD HAMMERING]
- [LIDIA TAKES DEEP BREATH]
You know what? Fine! That's just fine.
I need an environment
to be creative, anyway.
Being around your psychosis
is disruptive to my process!
[SIGHS]
See ya never!
[HAMMERING CONTINUES]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[SIGHS]
♪
Oh, no
RHIAN: You should
have seen her, Oscar,
walking off with nothing but
a broken-down lawn chair.
How much do you think we can
rent Lidia's trailer out for?
Do we have to disclose
that somebody died in it?
Well, now you're the president
of the Foxton Cove
Business Association,
you can sort of just
make your own rules.
Another perk!
Now I have the power
to Bury Wesworld in red tape.
At the very least,
it gives Ani more time
to have the Moonshine
declared a historical site.
I'm drunk with power and the
party's just getting started!
Woot!
Woot
Oh!
Speaking of power
Did you contact the local news
to inform them of
my political ascension?
Oh [SIGHS]
I completely forgot.
My God, I can't do anything right.
EMPLOYEE: [ON WALKIE-TALKIE] Rhian!
RHIAN: I prefer "Madame President."
And don't forget to say "over." Over.
EMPLOYEE: There's some
man-jamming happening
in the woods behind cabin #8.
Assholes!
Didn't even invite me! Over over.
On it over and out.
Um
Do you think you can
deal with this?
Yeah!
Already done
Hun.
Okay.
♪
♪
♪
OSCAR: Okay
let's see what's going on.
[MEN CHEERING AND YELLING]
[MEN HOWLING AND BARKING]
[MEN HOWLING AND BARKING]
Gentlemen! We have a guest
Pack!
[GRUNTING]
OSCAR: Gah!
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
LIDIA: Booked till Thanksgiving? Ugh.
Okay, well, can I leave you my number
in case something opens up?
Hello?
He hung up! So rude.
It's like there's a "no vacancy" sign
hanging over this entire province.
It's high season, sweetheart.
You know every B&B owner
on the south shore.
Can you maybe pull some strings
with the Shiny Birch?
Lance and Bev are out of the biz.
Seems someone built
a big luxury hotel on their bay.
Not that we'd know
anything about that.
Dad, I know you're worried
about me taking this job.
What makes you so sure
that we're not gonna end up
like Lance and Bev, out on our ass?
This Wes character, I don't know.
Kids from wealthy
families can be dangerous.
Too much to prove.
Too much to lose.
What about kids
from non-wealthy parents?
School of hard knocks keeps us wise.
Dad, I promise it will be okay.
Okay.
You can crash in the loft
above the workshop.
There's a couple of cots
and a card table up there.
It's where I used to hide when
I messed up with your mother.
It's still on Moonshine grounds.
No way am I giving Rhian
the satisfaction
of kicking me out twice.
Hmm.
Hold on.
Maybe I can camp
- Oh
- Hmm!
Pitch a tent in the woods,
that grove where we
used to play as kids.
- Finn and El would love that.
- Those old woods?
Cold, boggy
The Old Wells.
It's perfect.
I've been having trouble
getting creative lately.
This can be my chance
to be one with the landscape.
If I'm gonna build it, I need to
I need to be it feel it!
ELEANOR: Mom?
Why is our trailer boarded up
and all of our shit's in the dumpster?
Oh, uh, 'cause
Welcome home!
♪
LIDIA: Okay.
Alright, I just gotta
Put the pole-amajiggy in the hole.
Is pole "pole-amajiggy"
an actual architectural term?
Can't we just Google the instructions?
[SCOFFS]
And Rob ourselves of
the joy of problem-solving?
Like, this is a teachable
moment, kids.
- [METALLIC BANG]
- Fark!
You were saying?
I was saying you can't
Google the smell of pine.
ELEANOR: Just did.
The scent comes mostly
from a chemical compound
called terpenes.
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh, it's work. I gotta get this.
Oh, hey, Wes!
What's shakin'?
WES: Hey.
Just wanted to check in
on my favourite architect.
How's the redesign coming?
LIDIA: Oh, it's coming
Um, funny you should call.
I'm actually in my office
working as we speak.
WES: Great.
I want to get my father on board
with the new concept ASAP.
Is Monday doable?
Doable? More like doneable!
[CHUCKLES] Killer.
Talk soon.
You bet! Ta-ta!
Okay, let's be real, mom.
The only reason why we're camping
is because Rhian evicted us.
From our ancestral home.
Is that legal?
LIDIA: Okay, yes, fine,
Rhian is in a little blood rage.
Her words, not mine.
Well, can you blame her?
You took a job building
a multi-million-dollar resort
on delicate wetland
Well, maybe I'm making sure
a very wealthy developer
doesn't build with impunity.
I'm making sure that the new resort
doesn't compete with
said ancestral home.
For an unhoused person
wearing an ankle monitor
with a rap sheet,
you're awfully cheery.
I'm dealing with adversity
in a positive way.
FINN: Well, regardless of the reason,
I'm actually psyched to camp, mom.
Thank you, Finn!
Anything to get my mind
off of Petko Nenov.
He's this flautist prodigy
from Bulgaria
who thinks he's
God's gift to woodwinds.
Ah, that's the spirit!
Leave your baggage
at civilization's doorstep.
In the sanctuary of nature,
it's only good times!
[GRUNTS]
I googled the tent. It's inside-out
And upside-down.
[SIGHS] Balls.
Oh, no
Hey!
You've been staring off
into the middle distance
since I passed by two hours ago.
Is this wake and bake or
Actual crisis?
RYAN: Both.
Just Crystal is totally
rocking her thing,
and I almost kind of ruined her thing.
So now I've been asked
to step back from her thing.
But the thing is, what's my thing?
Is it to just not exist,
to be no thing at all?
I have
No answer to that.
OSCAR: [PANICKED] Guys! Guys! Guys!
RYAN: Whoa, Oscar!
Oscar, are you okay, buddy?
Am I okay?
I have just found the
solution to all my problems.
I have been manthused.
Well, I need a solution.
Could being manthused
be an answer for me, too?
Okay, no, maybe ask what it is first?
Manthusium is a male
empower-men-t group.
Oof, red flag.
It's for men who've lost their way,
which is exactly how I felt
since the twins were born.
It's founded on radical male love.
- Red
- Harnessing the power
of masculinity to
actualize your best self!
- Flag!
- Also, there's mud wrestling.
And they're all staying on
the campground for a retreat.
Okay, just a quick question:
What does mud wrestling
have to do with self-actualization?
No idea.
But tomorrow is all about
finding your inner man-imal.
You guys should both come.
If I bring two guests,
the session's free.
Inner man-imal?
- In!
- Yes!
[GRUNTS]
No, not in! This sounds lame.
Sammy, come on!
Do it for daddy.
Eugh Mm-mm, gross.
- Fine, yeah.
- Yes!
Only out of a sense
of morbid curiosity,
a little bit of pity,
a touch of ass-dragging.
Ani has me analyzing soil samples.
OSCAR: Sleep well, boys.
Tomorrow
We get manthused!
[LAUGHS]
OSCAR: Yeah!
We are killing this!
Even if Rhian asked us
to come home, I'd say no.
The Bennetts have returned
to their essential roots,
our literal roots!
We're not just surviving,
we are thriving.
And this stinks of procrastination.
You're avoiding work.
Ah, it's all part of my
New process
that might not be working.
FINN: Well, what was your old process?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
Well, I'd draw up a concept doc
and your father would critique it.
I guess there was less
pressure to come up with
something perfect because
he'd usually improve it.
ELEANOR: And what if
he wasn't improving it?
What if he was just
making it different?
Sounds like you're afraid to do
it alone because that would mean
committing to your own voice
and risking failure.
That's why you're
having creative block.
You're good.
So no more procrastination?
Says the woman procrastinating
on writing her final term paper.
FINN: Okay, plain rice cakes
and unsweetened granola.
Is this all we got?
Quality cramming does
require quality junk food.
♪
ANI: Shit, shit, shit
- Hey!
- Hey.
Hey, Nora.
You seen Lidia?
I heard something about
camping in the woods.
Hmm, Lidia in the woods
would be riveting content.
But it would also require
me going into the woods,
so hard pass.
Stress vaping?
Mm-hm, know it when I see it.
It's just some grief with the dig.
It's just a lot of pressure
now that there's actual
living humans
whose livelihoods are at stake.
Usually my clientele's been dead
a few thousand years.
Yeah, I feel that.
I used to care about nothing.
Now I have a career
that I give a rat's ass about
and a man that I love.
It's like ugh!
Can I hit that?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh
You know what we need?
- A blowout.
- Hmm.
Work off the stress,
just like old times.
Beer and amaretto car bombs,
maraschino cherries till I puke!
My blowouts consist of half
an edible and skipping yoga.
- I'm not
- no, then it is settled.
We are gonna get sloppy, okay?
You, me, baptism by fire.
You are family now.
Listen, I wish I could,
but I have so much to
catch up on today
alright, tomorrow, then. No excuses.
- But Nora, I really
- No excuses!
♪
Okay, kids.
Prepare for operation
libera los munchies.
My sister has cornered
the snack market in Foxton.
FINN: Rhian won't let us get
within five feet of that shelf.
Which is why we'll need a distraction,
by creating every
mother's worst nightmare
Crying babies.
Hey, little cousins.
- [BABIES BABBLING]
- Don't hate me.
Booga-wooga-woo-woo-woo!
[BABIES CRYING]
LIDIA: Once the coast is clear,
we'll grab our Booty
like bad-ass bandits.
Boo-ya!
[GLEEFUL SQUEAL]
[BABIES FUSSING]
♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
LIDIA: The key to
operation libera los munchies
is to focus
in, out, no distractions!
RHIAN: Is someone there?
ELEANOR: [IN A WHISPER]
Mom, she's coming.
There isn't time!
LIDIA: [IN A WHISPER] It's rosé!
There's always time.
♪
[GLEEFUL SQUEAL]
♪
♪
- [CRICKETS CHIRPING]
- LIDIA: Woo, victory!
Pass the chips.
FINN: [LAUGHS]
Well, this almost makes up
for you missing Christmas.
I'm really sorry about
my winter of discontent.
But it's all up from here, okay?
I promise.
You know what?
A toast.
This moment isn't about
being housing-challenged,
looming deadlines,
or inadequate parenting.
- It's about
- Pissing off Aunt Rhian?
I'm not out to piss off Rhian.
Not exactly.
What happened with you two?
Oh
I don't even know where to start.
Um
If I had to pinpoint a moment,
I guess the Summer Eats
Poster Contest.
Here we go! Get comfortable.
The prize was a pink pencil case
stuffed with the
finest smelly markers.
I knew if I was gonna
be a famous architect,
I needed that pink beaut.
Rhian wanted it too,
more than anything.
Obsessed.
But my poster won.
Hers just read
"Buy Citrus or rot of scurvy!"
Literally written in her own blood.
We fought about it all summer long.
Mom threatened to take it away,
so finally I just hid it in some tree.
But I hid it so well
even I couldn't find it again.
Rhian refused to believe I'd lost it.
She thought I'd rather destroy it
than let her have it, which
I don't know, looking back
Was kind of true.
I should get to work.
[RADIO PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]
- [MUSIC GOES OFF]
- LIDIA: [GASPS]
What the?
ELEANOR: Did we blow a fuse?
Are there fuses in the woods?
- FINN: Someone unplugged us.
- [TENT DOOR UNZIPS]
- RHIAN: [YELLS]
- LIDIA: God!
You robbed the munchie stand.
And now you die.
Seriously, Rhian?
Yeah, that munchie
stand is my third child.
You woke the twins,
my first and second child,
and now you pay.
It was a couple bags of ketchup chips.
Silence!
Okay, kids, can you please
just give us a second?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
A bit much, don't you think?
No. You stole Moonshine property.
Do I need to remind you that I own
43%, yeah, and the other 57%
is controlled by moi.
There!
57%, all yours!
Happy?
No, I am not.
We're not kids fighting over
a pencil case anymore, Rhian.
We need to put an end to this.
Oh, you want to put an end to this?
Then go tell those crooks
that you can't design
their ridiculous resort!
That is a surefire way to
get the Moonshine bulldozed.
Will you stop playing
the family saviour
and just admit that
you're doing this for you?
That you are choosing
your ambition over your family?
Your children,
my children, and for what?
So everyone oohs and ahhs,
"Oh, Lidia, she's so talented!"
God, selfish!
You take. You just take, take, take,
take, take like a vampire,
feeding off everyone, everything!
But that's all over now.
I am starving you out.
You're not gonna get
another drop of blood
from the Moonshine. And without us?
Hmph! You're nothing.
Without us,
you won't survive another night.
[SCOFFS]
Survive the night?
I am the night!
Pfft!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
[MILITARY DRUMMING]
[GRUNTING AND ANIMAL NOISES]
OSCAR: Alright, did you guys
choose what animal to embody?
I'm going with the mighty stallion.
RYAN: Ooh, good choice, dude!
I'm going with gorilla.
Strong, caring, great pecs.
What about you, little bro-son?
Um starfish?
A starfish isn't
a really man-imal animal.
The prompt was to pick
an apex predator.
Okay, one, stallions
and gorillas are vegetarians.
And two, I mean,
a starfish can push its stomach
outside of its own body!
And it's a star!
[LAUGHS] Okay
I guess I'm just
having a hard time, uh
Taking manthusium seriously.
I mean, if I have to beat my chest
in front of a bunch of guys,
there better at least
be wine and cheese.
So, uh, sorry, you guys
- No, no, Sammy!
- But starfish out.
- Sammy!
- Starfish out!
- Aww!
- Ry, Ry, Ry, it's okay.
Let him go.
Alpha says we have to come
to manthusium in our own time
Our own pace.
Alright, you go first!
Let out your gorilla, Ry.
Okay.
- [TRIBAL DRUMMING]
- [RYAN GRUNTING]
Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah!
[GROWLING]
OSCAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Okay
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
No, no, no, no, no! [SCREAMS]
[GROWLING WILDLY]
Okay! Aah!
Okay, okay!
- [ROARING]
- Uncle!
Uncle!
- Ryan?
- Hi.
- A little help?
- Oh, sorry, dude.
I I got carried away. I
I feel amazing!
Charged!
Ha, you gotta try this!
Come on, dude, unleash your stallion!
Here we go.
Alright. Ahh!
[GROWLS]
[WHINNIES LIKE A HORSE]
That was more like
a donkey than a stallion.
Oh. Right.
[BELLOWS INCOHERENTLY]
Maybe try a different animal?
No, I got this, I got this.
Hang on. [CLEARS THROAT]
[HOLLERS WILDLY]
I need a glass of water.
ANI: Mm someone means business!
When it comes to getting shitfaced,
I've put in my 10,000 hours.
Are are we avoiding?
- Obviously.
- Yeah.
Uh, Terry wants kids
like an addict wants smack,
and family is career suicide,
right, so
Oh, I don't think I'm
qualified to comment on that,
having just reconnected with my
grown-ass adult son last summer.
Do you regret not having another one?
If I had, I probably wouldn't
be where I am in my career.
- Hmm!
- But I did think about it.
I froze my eggs.
I have a batch chillin' in
a freezer on west 32nd street.
[GIGGLES]
I just assumed my eggs were pickled.
Deviled at minimum.
But I admire an attempt
to control your own fate.
Here's to calling our own shots.
Speaking of shots, it is time
to take things up a notch.
♪
LIDIA: Nothing like a swim
to get those creative juices
flowing, huh?
[GASPS]
FINN: Uh, who took half our tent?
LIDIA: [SIGHS]
57% of the tent
Mom, you got a lot of head vein
action going on right now.
This is fine.
It's fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!
She thinks we can't overcome this?
Ha, I say!
Ha!
Mom, you know we can't
stay here right?
43% of a tent is just
a raincoat and hypothermia.
I need power, for real.
Like, I have a term
paper I need to finish.
You know, some people
pay a mint to camp en plein air.
Can we just go crash at Nora's?
She keeps a key
under the recycling bin.
Really, guys?
Her place smells like
butts and dead pizza.
Mm-hm!
But at least her toilet
isn't a hole in the ground.
Yeah Oh, I get it.
I get it. You you go.
So you're just gonna
stay out here, alone?
Yeah!
I am the night!
Right?
FINN: Okay.
LIDIA: Love you.
- Bye.
- Love you.
[SIGHS]
[EXHALES]
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Crushing it.
- Damn!
- Hmm!
Okay. More shots for the ladies!
ANI: No, nope, none for me.
No, no, I'm calling it.
Calling it?
Yeah, it's been fun,
but I have biologically attained
the perfect buzz.
Body mass multiplied by
alcohol consumed over time,
and any more, I will lose control.
Okay, no offence,
but you need to lose control.
You're a freak.
Yeah, I fully admit it.
I don't tell people how I feel,
I pre-clean for the cleaning lady,
and I never go barefoot.
What about the shower?
Okay, where do you
stand on public toilets?
I've actually had to go for hours.
Pathological!
Control is what
keeps my life on track.
I mean, the last time I lost control,
I got pregnant with Sammy.
Great things happen when you unclench.
Okay, just one more.
["COME ON, EILEEN" BY DEXY'S
MIDNIGHT RUNNERS PLAYING]
At this moment ♪
you mean everything ♪
you in that dress ♪
my thoughts, I confess ♪
verge on dirty ♪
ah, come on, Eileen ♪
♪
Yeah!
[DRUNKEN SCREAMING]
What's your deal, Bruce?
Like, you used to be a party animal.
Yeah, then I got sober.
So should you two.
But the night's still young
and I wanna dance with somebody.
NORA: Yeah!
I wanna feel the heat with somebody!
NORA: Oh, yeah!
BOTH: yeah, I wanna
dance with somebody! ♪
Don't you wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance!
Don't you wanna dance?
Dance!
- Party's over.
- Oh, whatever.
You know what, they water
down the drinks here anyway.
- We don't need this!
- Bruce!
NORA: Let's go, let's go.
We're outta here.
ANI: Yeah. Nghh
I'm gonna have
a killer headache tomorrow
while I'm writing apology letters
to all the Shore Club staff.
And to Ken.
Dad? Well, what
What do you have to
apologize to him for?
He thinks I don't appreciate him.
I do, I just I don't
want to let anyone down.
Hey, hey!
You did not disappoint
me tonight, sister.
- Okay?
- Mm-hm.
And
Who knew that inside
all that science and biometrics
- [GIGGLES]
- Is just pure chaos theory?
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
You know what else is also inside me?
- Yeah?
- So much pee.
Oh my God, why don't
you just take a piss already?
Listen, you wanna
colour outside the lines?
Now's your chance!
It's gonna be okay.
I promise you.
See?
[URINE TINKLING]
- I'm free-peeing!
- Way to go, professor.
You have earned your
Pee-h-d!
- What?!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Now you just gotta apply
the squat technique
for the rest of your life.
God, that's something
I never wanted to see.
[ANI AND NORA LAUGH]
Hey, you guys know that there's
a storm coming, right?
Oh, yeah.
I'm pretty sure that it's
Already drizzling!
- A real downpour!
- [BOTH LAUGH]
They got you too, huh? Okay.
Alright, let's go. Let's go!
You can do your pants
back up in the car.
- This is a nice car!
- It's a golf cart, Nora.
A really nice set of wheels.
Son, I got a secret.
Promise you won't tell?
- Okay?
- Shh-shh-shh-shh!
I think I love your dad.
Well, yeah, everyone loves Ken.
No! Ryan!
I love Ryan!
I love Ryan!
NORA: Oh, shit.
She really unclenched.
ANI: don't you wanna dance? ♪
[NORA JOINS IN]
say you wanna dance ♪
She'll forget everything
in the morning.
ANI: I love Ryan!
[THUNDER CRASHES]
[RAIN POURING]
KEN: Okay, kid.
Time to pack it up.
Dad!
Why do I keep doing this?
Sitting in the rain like a nutter?
I really thought
I could save everyone
with some brilliant redesign.
Your old man may not have
more than an unfinished
high school education,
but it doesn't take much more
to know that you've got a gift.
You've always had one.
You go after what you want.
You take risks.
I wish I had an ounce of that.
[SOBBING]
I'm still your dad.
I need you to come inside.
No, I need to spend
the night out here.
I need to see this through!
♪
♪
The fire's on if you change your mind.
[WHIMPERS]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
♪
FINN: We were worried sick.
Have you been drinking?
Ah
You almost got me!
Here's a question for you guys
Why have not you two been drinking?
That's the question.
Come on. Come on!
Let's keep this
party truck a-truckin'!
Guys, come on!
God!
Kids are boring!
You know, in 1983, there was
[SIGHS] Get a bucket.
[RAIN POURING]
LIDIA: Ugh I will build a shelter,
because that is what I do!
I build things!
Huh? Oh, yes.
Great, great.
Huh? Oh
Hey, you two, come to mama.
Whoop!
Ugh!
Are you kidding me?!
[DREARY MUSIC]
Ha!
Got ya!
♪
A-ha!
- [CREAKING SOUNDS]
- Huh?
- [LOUD CRACK]
- [SCREAMING]
[SPLASH]
OSCAR: Babe What are you doing?
Sentinel duty.
In case Lidia retaliates,
I need to be prepared.
Defending this place
single-handedly is no joke.
The lodge has many
tactical weaknesses.
Well, uh
Here if you need me.
Are you, though?
[SIGHS]
Let's be honest, Oscar.
Our sexual extension cord
Has been cut.
Is it that you're
not attracted to me anymore?
What? No, no, Rhi.
Oh God, no.
It's just me.
[SIGHS]
Ever since we've become parents
I've felt like a fourth wheel.
Babe, you are the fourth wheel.
The most important wheel.
Babe, our family is a lawnmower,
and lawnmowers
need four wheels to work.
We need you, Oscar.
I need you. You're you're our man.
[SNORTS LIKE A HORSE]
Did you just snort?
Yeah?
Sorry, I don't know.
I won't do it again.
Do it again!
[WHINNIES]
Again?
- [WHINNIES]
- Yes!
- Oscar!
- [WHINNIES]
Oh, you're a stallion, alright!
This cowgirl needs to ride her bronco.
Keep it going!
- [WHINNIES]
- Yes, yee-haw!
- Oww, oww!
- [LAUGHING AND WHINNYING]
[PANICKED CRYING]
Oh, God!
Oh, no
Help!
Anyone! Help me!
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
[STRAINING]
[SPLASH]
[WHIMPERING]
- Ow!
- [SPLASH]
[SOBBING]
You win.
You win, Rhian!
[SOBBING]
[THUNDER CRASHES]
What the hell?
Pink beaut?
My pencil case?!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
[SCREAMS WITH JOY]
♪
[FABRIC RIPPING SOUNDS]
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
♪
♪
[GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]
♪
♪
Oh, God! Yes!
Okay
♪
[STRAINING AND BREATHING HEAVILY]
[STRAINING AND BREATHING HEAVILY]
♪
♪
[THUNDER CRASHES]
♪
♪
[LAUGHS]
♪
♪
♪
[SCREAMS WITH JOY]
♪
I am Lidia Finley-Cullen
and I am the night, damn it!
- [THUNDER CRASHES]
- [LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
Mmm
OSCAR: Morning.
Coffee?
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Thank you, sweety.
So, last night was pretty wild.
Yeah, and not just
on the dusty trails.
The storm was nasty.
The grounds got pretty beaten up.
Lots of downed trees.
I would not want to be
stuck outside last night.
Lidia?
Lidia, I swear to God,
if you're dead, I will kill you.
♪
Hello, sister.
You know bushcraft?
[SIGHS] Nature is intuitive.
Plus, I found something
I thought I had lost forever.
Hmm!
Your sanity?
[GIGGLES] My muse.
Recognize this?
Pink beaut?
Yeah.
It should have been mine.
It should have been ours.
Your poster on the benefits
of citrus curing scurvy
was actually genius.
Rhian, I'm not out to take
anything away from you
or to destroy our family.
I promise to protect us.
Am I doing this for me?
Yes.
But I'm also doing it for you,
and for your babies, and mine.
For all of us.
♪
♪
And here
You deserve this.
Maybe you always did.
♪
♪
Hmm. Take a sniff!
You know you want to.
[LOUD SNIFF]
Yeah!
[GRUNTING AND CHEERING]
RYAN: Ahh, wow!
What a weekend!
[GRUNTS]
[INDECIPHERABLE YELLING IN BACKGROUND]
Oh-ho-ho, drive safe, guys!
[EXHALES]
Uh good weekend?
Transformational, little bro-son.
Manthusium is frickin' core!
Core?
I'm just sorry you couldn't
unlock your beast, buddy.
Oh, I, uh I wouldn't say that.
Really? It worked?
Oh, yes!
Alright, next chapter meeting,
you and me, together.
Until then, man-rilla must devour!
[GRUNTING]
We were at the same retreat, right?
Yeah.
[TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION]
Oh my God!
I thought you were done.
You're not making more changes,
are you?
No, I'm not done till the last
nail is hammered, sweety.
"Rediscovering
the childhood wonder of nature."
That's actually really pretty good.
♪
I actually really appreciate that!
ANI: [SIGHS]
What's on your mind, Prof?
[EXHALES DEEPLY] Apply the squat
What?
The Scramasax isn't a Viking relic,
it's a replica from the 1870s
made of bog iron
that fooled my naked eye.
I was wrong.
Well, that blows.
I'm sorry.
And here I thought
it was all my fault.
Why?
Well, for one,
I have no clue what I'm doing.
Never have.
Don't let the 'stache fool you;
I'm free-falling
like the rest of them.
But, uh Mea culpa.
We'll find a way.
We always do.
But how? The dig is over.
There's
Well, now that you're
an honorary member
of the Finley-Cullen family,
I can let you in on a trade secret.
Which would be?
It's called the workaround, kiddo.
♪
♪
SAMMY: And then there was
this one guy who kept roaring
and calling himself
the ultimate man-atee.
But what I really wanna know
is how manthusiastic
the starfish is about meeting me,
the man-ta ray?
Rawr!
Shut up!
But seriously, I mean,
watching this group of guys
terrified that they're
not adhering to some
- bullshit machismo ideals
- [PHONE RINGS]
Oh, speaking of bullshit machismo
It's my father.
I'll be right back.
Okay.
Daddy-o?
You like the plans?
Yeah.
No, I haven't told her yet.
No, Dad, we can't.
No, no, let me.
Let me do it, alright?
Let me tell them.
[SIGHS] Fine!
♪
SAMMY: Tell who what?
Nothing.
Nah, it's nothing
for you to worry about.
Um, I'm gonna go
Take a walk.
Sure.
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
♪