Never Have I Ever (2020) s03e04 Episode Script

1
Until the day that I met you ♪
This is Devi Vishwakumar,
a 16-year-old girl
from the San Fernando Valley
and now Paxton's ex-girlfriend.
Remember this?
Look, I'm sorry.
The moment where Devi blew it
with her dream man for the second time.
Yeah, we all lost something that day.
As you can imagine,
she did not take it well
and plunged headfirst
into all of the stages of breakup grief.
She raged.
She wallowed.
And after several long,
pretty-hard-to-watch months,
she finally accepted it.
Also, this little bit
was supposed to show the passing of time,
but there aren't any seasons
in Southern California.
See, there are some little pumpkins
on the porch.
Anyway, now she was back to being
her normal nerdy, Indian virgin self
and was finally at peace with her breakup,
and could now smile at Paxton
without bursting into tears.
- Hi.
- Well, that is until she heard the news.
Paxton has a new girlfriend.
Yep.
Hard to be at peace with that.
How you feeling?
You want a hit off my inhaler?
No. No. I'm fine.
I knew this day would come,
and I feel very prepared for it.
- Who is it?
- Phoebe Hayward.
Handjob Hayward?
Sherman Oaks' hugest skankosaurus.
Could he stoop any lower?
I'm sorry.
That wasn't very feminist of me.
I'm sure all the rumors about her
were perpetuated by the patriarchy.
It's interesting
how women can't rage
without thinking about it in the context
of other people's oppression.
I'm really happy I'm a man.
You okay?
Uh Yeah. I'm all right.
I know it sucks he moved on before you,
but it's not like
you're a loser or anything.
Look at Aneesa.
She hasn't dated anyone since Ben.
She hasn't, right?
You would know better than we would.
You guys are like such good friends now.
Oh yeah, we're good friends now.
Devi, please pick up some extra
toilet paper on your way home tonight.
And not the cheap kind. My guests deserve
the one that feels like a little quilt.
Great. While Paxton's banging the captain
of the gymnastics team,
I'll be making sure
a bunch of elderly butts are clean.
- Huh?
- Uh Nothing.
My grandma's just throwing a party
for Navaratri tonight.
What's Navaratri?
Oh, Navaratri is a nine-day Hindu festival
that commemorates the great battle
between the demon Mahishasura
and goddess Durga. Right, Devi?
Yeah. That's That's basically it.
She has no clue
what Navaratri is.
Ugh! It's gonna be all old people.
I wish I wasn't so terrified of drugs,
so I could be high for it.
Oh, wait.
Trent and Paxton are coming over.
And I'm like, "Grandma, stop trying to eat
your toothbrush. It's not a hot dog."
Thanks to their best friends,
Devi and Paxton were occasionally forced
into awkward moments like this.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Hey, babe. Hey, babe's friends.
So as you may have heard,
today is my 18th birthday.
You announced it over the loudspeaker
in the middle of the Pledge of Allegiance.
Good ear, Crazy Devi.
Anyway, I would like
to give you, Paxton, my best friend,
and you, Eleanor, my girlfriend, a chance
to throw me a birthday party tonight.
Oh, okay.
Kind of late notice,
but I guess we can do that.
Of course we can.
Oh my God, you guys,
that's so generous of you.
We could do it at my place.
My folks will be in Morongo trying
to gamble back the car they lost.
Cool. So, what are you thinking
theme-wise?
I would love to throw an Age
of Innocence party with little masks.
I want this
to be the most insane, puke-filled rager
in the history of the school
and everybody has gotta come.
Eleanor, bring your friend.
Friend, bring your robot.
Paxton, bring your new girlfriend.
And, Paxton, bring your old girlfriend.
Oh, uh, Trent,
I actually can't come tonight.
It's a huge Hindu holiday.
So gotta celebrate that.
Oh, that's a bummer to hear, but honestly,
we're not really that close of friends.
So I'm not going to change the date, okay?
Okay.
Hey.
Oh. Uh, hi.
So, listen,
I know why you're not going to Trent's.
You've heard of Navaratri too?
Damn. Was it in an episode
of Indian Matchmaking?
Devi, come on.
I know you're not very religious.
You're not going to Trent's
because of Phoebe, right?
No, no, no, no. It's a real holiday.
It's about Hold on.
Let me talk to Fabiola.
No, no. It's okay.
All I wanted to say is
I know we haven't talked in a while,
but I-I'm really sorry
if this Phoebe thing hurts you.
Hurts me?
No. I'm fine, brosef.
I'm also talking to people,
loads of guys, so
Okay. I thought we could
have an honest conversation here,
but maybe it's too soon for that.
Uh I was being honest.
It's a real holiday,
and I'm happy, and healthy, and Hindu.
You should've seen
the look of pity on his face.
He, like, totally thought I was lying.
You were kinda lying
about talking to loads of guys.
No, I wasn't.
I talked to like ten guys today.
When you bitched out the percussion
section for being off tempo?
And what about it, Fabiola?
Okay. Listen, you have to go
to Trent's tonight.
Yeah. Otherwise, you're gonna seem
so heartbroken and pathetic,
maybe even borderline obsessed.
Which I'm not. I'm totally fine.
I know, which is why you have to go.
Yeah.
But how do I get out of Navaratri?
Devi How are you not dressed yet?
Get ready,
and go bring your grandmother the butter.
She has a bangle stuck on her wrist.
Oh!
Bye.
Pati, your Golu is so fire.
Like, look at this. You got Lord Ganesha,
Durga, Lakshmi, you know, all the OGs.
That's right.
But then you got some straight-up flare
like this little crystal dolphin
or DIY Sanjay Gupta.
- Hubba-hubba.
- Yo.
You are gonna own
all the other aunties' Golus.
It's not a competition, Devi.
Yeah, right.
The whole reason you throw a Golu
is so you can stunt
on the other old ladies.
- Am I right, Pati?
- Yes. I plan to stunt hard.
That's why I have
this pièce de résistance.
- Uh, what is that?
- A Bloomie's bag.
Not even from the outlet.
And there's even a receipt inside
from my Shiseido's perfume.
That gossipy cow Smita
is gonna faint when she sees this.
Mami, why did you invite Smita
if you hate her so much?
Because she's my friend.
Although I know she's going to go on
and on about her granddaughter's wedding
at the Universal Studios.
If only I could have something
to brag about to her.
Well, you could tell her
that I've been dating a very nice teacher
who I like very much.
No.
Why won't you go out with any of the other
young men I've introduced you to?
Because, once again, I am seeing Manish,
and if you just give him a chance
I have given him many chances.
Surprising him with pop quizzes
on Indian history is not a chance.
It would have been
had he gotten any answer right.
You need to find someone
who cares about our culture.
That Manish probably thinks a Golu
is a GoPro camera for the toilet.
Damn, Pati.
That was a savage burn.
Sorry, Kamala.
So, where should we put Sanjay?
If he's in the center,
the Golu will be too sexy.
Hey!
Hi.
Okay. We've got three kegs courtesy of
the adult lady Uber driver I flirted with.
- So we should be set for the evening.
- Get me up, boys. Yeah!
And now the boy becomes a man.
Feed me.
Aw. Trent seems happy.
Yeah, he does.
Hey, listen.
Could you check on Devi tonight?
She seemed kind of upset
when I talked to her today.
We've been out of touch for a while.
- I just wanna make sure she's okay.
- Oh, I'm sure she is.
- I don't think she cares about your girl
- Hey!
Oh wow! You look amazing!
Oh, shit. Those are some small clothes.
You have to pump it and tilt your cup,
or it's gonna be all foam.
God, have you never been
to a party before?
No. I was sick for a really long time.
Oh. Sorry.
Oh my God! What's your problem?
How are you even condescending about beer?
I'm not condescending. I get annoyed
when people don't know how to do things.
The problem with you, Ben,
is that you think
you're so much smarter than everyone else.
And you're not.
This is why Aneesa dumped you.
Whatever.
And I am smarter than most people.
You're not smarter than me.
Well, I mean, sure, you got a whole
robotic science nerd thing going on,
but I'm great in all my classes.
You are so full of yourself.
I bet I can beat you
in any subject. Name one.
Fine. How about history?
Fantastic.
Hey, Trent, do you still have
our American History textbook
from freshman year?
Uh, yeah. I think it's propping up
my grow lamp upstairs.
All right, history it is.
And you know what?
Let's make it interesting.
A drinking game.
If you get one wrong, you drink.
First person to tap out loses.
You're on, and I'll never tap.
I come from a long line
of high-functioning alcoholics.
And I come from a long line of people
who never get any questions wrong.
- Hmm.
- Also, I'm really sorry about your family.
And then after the vows,
we went to the Transformers ride,
and Optimus Prime gave his blessings.
It was stunning.
You are not going to believe this.
This is what Phoebe is wearing!
Oh, I will. We'll probably do something
at Disneyland, with probably 2,000 people.
Although, I don't know how
we'll whittle down the guest list to that.
Really?
But who will be getting married?
We'd heard about how things didn't go
so well with that handsome engineer.
Oh, such a shame.
What's a real shame
is how quickly your face-lift has relaxed.
Okay. Okay.
We'll just talk about something else.
So Rhyah made the sundal.
Isn't it delicious?
Rhyah, can you please list
every ingredient in this dish, please?
Yeah, no, of course. So there's chickpeas
that are organic and locally sourced,
which does matter
- Locally sourced from
- Sorry. I have to take this call.
- Please don't.
- I'm so sorry. I know. Sweetheart, hi.
Wait, we can be on our phones? BRB.
Apparently, I have to be
the cartoon hot dog
before the movie starts
and ask everyone to silence your phones.
- Yo.
- What's the latest?
- Can you get out?
- I don't know how.
There's aunties parked at every exit.
It's tighter security than a Sephora.
Well, Paxton just asked me
to check on you.
I think he thinks you're like locked away
in your room descending
into madness, à la Queen's Gambit.
Ugh! Damn. I just wish
I had some kind of distraction.
- Hello?
- Holy shit. Mr. K.?
Polite as always, Devi.
Hey, El. I think I just found my window.
- Hi, Manish. Welcome.
- What is he doing here?
Well, I thought Manish could come over
and celebrate our culture with us,
- and you could get to know one another.
- Vanakkam, Auntie.
All right, cool it, WikiFeet.
- Yep. Sorry. It felt weird for me too.
- Well, who do we have here?
This is just Devi's teacher Mr. Kulkarni.
He has stopped by to congratulate Devi
on being such a great student.
And he's also my boyfriend.
Oh. Please come have a seat.
Let us get to know you. Mmm? Come.
Hey, Mom, it seems like
there's a lot going on down here.
So I'm just gonna go upstairs to my room
for a sec. Got a little bit of a headache.
Enna, kanna? Yeah. Sure.
You are no one's obsessed, sad sack ex.
Yeah.
Hmph!
Hey! What are you doing?
Ah
It was so weird. My contact blew out
of my eye and then onto the roof.
- So
- Get back inside. Now.
Okay.
Your punishment is to sit
and watch the aunties chew.
- Okay.
- Now hand out the vadais. Go.
Nirmala Auntie, I couldn't help but notice
how impressive your Golu is.
It is a beautiful tribute
to the goddess and her nine avatars.
Last year, my Golu was seven steps,
two more than Nirmala's.
But your steps had a lot of empty spaces.
I I think five steps
shows appropriate restraint
in avoiding the consumerism
of the holiday.
Thank you, Manish.
That's very kind of you to say.
Help yourself to a vada.
I could have a couple.
- Just one.
- Just
Okay.
Rhyah, I was looking for you.
Sorry. I was having a moment.
Oh no.
Are you okay? What's going on?
I was just talking to my son.
He's just finished
this high school program at sea
for aspiring marine biologists.
And he actually studied a sea slug colony.
Ever since he got back,
his friends won't hang out with him,
and one even called him Dork Cousteau.
And now he's home alone,
and it just breaks my heart.
If there was one thing
Nalini could relate to,
it was the pain
of having your nerdy child ostracized.
I know what that's like.
People have called my daughter
all sorts of names.
I wish I could just go and make him
some new friends instead of those little,
pardon my language, assholes.
But I know I can't.
Go see your friends and
Okay. Wait, so now you want me
to go to the party at Trent's house?
Are you having a stroke?
No. I take a baby aspirin
with my tea every morning.
Okay. Then, what's up?
I want you to go to the party,
and I want you
to take Rhyah's son with you.
What? Who's Rhyah's son?
He's a sweet boy who has no friends
and studies sea slugs.
His name is Nirdesh.
Nirdesh?
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, that sounds like a parody
of an Indian nerd. I'd rather just not go.
What? You were so excited
about this party a minute ago.
You were throwing your body off the roof.
Hey, not to alarm you,
but people overheard my call to you,
and now they actually do think
you're descending into madness.
So, get here soon, okay?
Ugh! Fine.
I'll go to the party,
and I'll take Nirdesh with me.
Excellent. And make sure
no one bullies him there.
He's already been picked on enough.
Hey, hey. I'm here.
Hi. Oh my gosh, I don't know where Paxton
and Phoebe went, but you look so cute.
When they see you, they're not gonna think
obsessive depressive.
They're gonna think impressive successive.
I think you mean successful.
Yeah, but that doesn't sound as jazzy.
Sure. So there's just one small,
tiny hiccup tonight.
My mom wouldn't let me come unless
I brought one of her friends' loser kids.
He's meeting me here.
Oh, this is him.
"Hi, it's Nirdesh."
"I'm running behind."
"I spilled some rasam on my sweater vest
and had to change."
"I should be there shortly."
Yikes!
This kid is like a medical-grade dork.
Maybe we could tell everyone
he's my cousin.
Ow! Ben.
Sorry, David, but we need you.
If I asked you who fought
at the Battle of Little Bighorn,
and you said General Custard,
that should count, right?
Custard is a dessert.
Custer is the general.
Whatever! I've had four beers.
What's the big deal?
Drink, bitch.
Ugh! You know what I meant.
What are you guys doing?
Playing a little drinking game called
Are You Smarter Than a Ben?
That was good.
Oh my God. That is so lame.
Ooh. What if I drop off my cousin
with these two
while I go make an appearance with Paxton?
- You have a cousin coming?
- I do.
So if you see an Indian dork
come through that door, let me know.
I see an Indian guy
coming through the door,
but he definitely
does not look like a dork.
I can't let this end ♪
'Cause I don't wanna be friends ♪
Oh shit.
I don't wanna jinx it,
but I think this is going really well.
Your grandmother
even looked me in the eye once.
I got too excited and I looked away.
I know. I feel good about it too.
What are you doing?
Oh God, Manish.
Did you take that off the step?
I thought someone put it there as trash.
There's a receipt in it and everything.
The receipt is what makes it so special.
This Bloomie's bag represented
the American Dream,
and you have filled it with dirty napkins.
Oh my God. I am so, so sorry.
- Ooh, do I hear drama?
- No!
- Oh my God.
- Oh my God! Let me help you.
No, uh, Manish.
I think maybe you should just go.
- Are you okay?
- What are you doing? Who did this?
Does that hurt?
Hi, Devi? I'm Nirdesh,
but my friends call me Des.
Hi.
How come your cousin's
introducing himself to you?
What? I'm not her cousin.
Did you tell them I'm your cousin?
Uh-huh.
I may have said that. Yeah.
Only because she thought
you were gonna be a huge loser,
which you're definitely not.
You thought I was gonna be
a huge loser based on what?
Well, because certain
cultural context clues and
Because I'm Indian?
Okay, um, I think I'm good.
Wait. Des, no. I'm so sorry.
I did not mean to offend you.
But, hey, let's be honest.
There's a lot of nerdy Indian guys.
Don't know if you know this, but your name
does have the word "nerd" in it, so
Oh wow. You're the first person
who's ever said that to me.
Definitely no one
in elementary school did.
Look, it's it's fine.
I've met a million of you before.
You're one of those Indian girls
who only likes white guys,
and thinks all Indian dudes
are just computer geeks
or cheesy club rats
who wear too much cologne.
No, that's not what I'm like.
That's exactly what she's like.
Okay, Des, I am so sorry.
I didn't mean anything by it.
Please just stay.
And let's go get a drink and
I'm sorry.
Hey, you okay? What happened?
One minute you were apologizing
to me for mild racism,
the next, you're crying.
Yeah, um, I'm sorry. Uh, that was my ex.
Ah. Okay. I see.
Yeah. Um
I thought I was ready
to see him with someone new.
I'd been practicing
with stuffed animals from my room.
Guess it didn't help.
Well, look, now it's done.
You saw your ex with someone else.
You survived.
That was the worst it's gonna be.
Yeah, I guess.
How does someone like you
not have any friends?
What? I have tons of friends.
My mom said to take you tonight
because all of your friends ditched you.
Another reason
I kind of thought you were a dork.
Oh.
My mom loves to exaggerate.
Only one of my friends
isn't talking to me right now
and it's because
I hooked up with a girl he liked.
Twist! So you're not a dork.
You're just a bad person?
No, I didn't know he liked her,
and he should've said something before
I lived on a boat with her for 3 months.
Everyone knows Semester at Sea
is a floating hookup party.
Shit. Was this kid somehow
making sea slug school sound hot?
Okay, so you're not a dork,
and you're not a jerk.
So, you're a nice, cool person?
Yeah, and maybe I can help you out.
What if we went back in there
and made your ex jealous?
Kind of seems fun, right?
The paintings on the wall
They keep haunting me ♪
Sometimes I feel alone
Hide in my secrets you need to know ♪
I cannot feel no more ♪
All right.
I think we're exactly in his eyeline.
Out in public to keep me up ♪
I don't like what I'm dreaming of ♪
Things we're taking don't give enough ♪
Yes, Devi!
Paxton's looking right at you,
and he seems jealous.
It's working.
Devi, why aren't you looking?
Oh, wait. I see what's happening here.
But please don't go away ♪
I'll believe it all
Every word you say ♪
You okay?
Oh yes! Someone's puking.
Thank you, babe. I can't believe
all my birthday dreams are coming true.
I'm really sorry I made you drink so much
in the lightning round.
I knew I had you on Reconstruction.
I watched a PBS doc on it with Gears.
It's okay. I deserve it.
I know that I'm a dick sometimes.
I get why you don't like me.
It's not that I don't like you.
I just don't like how you've treated
my friends in the past.
You were a real jerk to Aneesa.
Yeah, can't argue with you on that one.
And you were also so mean
to Devi for, like, years.
Not fair. She was also mean to me.
Yeah, but you called us the UN,
which was pretty brutal.
Yeah, well, she broke my heart.
She broke your heart?
- Yeah, kinda.
- Oh.
I didn't know it was that deep.
You probably don't need
to tell her that. Okay?
Okay.
And I'll work on
not being so condescending.
You got a deal.
There is no goodie bag that can make up
for what has transpired tonight.
Everyone is going to hear
about this disgraceful event, Nirmala.
Put the oxygen mask on her.
I would never let anyone
get injured at my Golu,
because I know how to host properly!
I am so sorry about this, Pati.
This is exactly why
I have my reservations about Manish.
He made a mistake.
And wasn't it a bit thrilling
to see Smita Auntie take a little tumble?
All it did was prove that this man
has no respect for how things are done.
And memorizing a Wikipedia page
doesn't change that.
But he makes me really happy.
Doesn't that count for anything?
Of course, I want you to be happy,
but he is not a serious man.
You don't want to be with someone
who's constantly making messes
for you to clean up.
That's not who he is.
He was trying really hard tonight.
And look what happened.
He crashed my party,
ruined my Bloomie's bag,
and sent my frenemy to the hospital.
I'm really sorry, kanna.
I cannot support this relationship,
and I would prefer
that you do not bring him over again.
I understand, Pati,
but I'm an adult.
And I don't want to end things with him.
So perhaps the best way forward
is for me to move out.
Well, this is my house.
Thanks again for tonight.
I had a really good time.
I did too.
It was kind of a rocky start
but then it was good.
You're looking for the next thing ♪
Looking for the next dream ♪
Uh
I should probably go inside.
Okay.
Yeah. Um
Well, um
Can I text you sometime?
Yeah. For sure.
Looking for, looking for life ♪
Not looking in the rearview ♪
Never saw it creeping up this time ♪
Searching for a clear view ♪
Oh, hi.
You missed quite the evening here.
Mmm, I saw. The neighbors
are gonna be creeped out
by all the broken doll bits
in the recycling bin.
Oh yeah.
So Rhyah texted saying Nirdesh
had a good time tonight.
Really? He did?
Uh What exactly did she say?
Just that you cheered him up,
so thank you for that, kanna.
However, you're still grounded
for the rest of the weekend,
and I will be asking your uncle to install
security cameras outside your window.
Nothing gets past me.
Good night.
Looking for the next thing ♪
Looking for the next dream ♪
Looking for life ♪
You're looking for the next thing ♪
Looking for the next dream ♪
Looking for, looking for life ♪
Not looking at the rearview ♪
Never saw it creeping up this time ♪
Searching for a clear view ♪
I should stop and rearrange my mind ♪
Not looking at the rearview ♪
Never saw it creeping up this time ♪
Searching for a clear view ♪
I should stop and rearrange my mind ♪
Drifting at the speed of light ♪
Darkness carries through the night ♪
A never-ending weight on my ♪