New Tricks s03e04 Episode Script

Another funeral.
Once a fortnight now.
Coming round like bloody Christmas.
Victor Hadley.
Mean anything to you? Must be someone I knew in the job.
Wasn't there a DCI at Kilburn called Hadley? No, that's Hedley.
Well, might as well go.
Networking for the older man.
Nobody close, was it? OK.
All right, we'll see you tomorrow.
Bye.
.
.
Jack won't be in today.
He's got to go to a funeral.
Nobody we'd know, apparently.
Oh, they can be funny things, funerals.
Hardly.
Hey, you got any plans, Brian? Oh, please! Esther and me were walking along the South Down Way one time.
We came across the natural burial site.
Yeah? Yeah.
There's no cemeteries or headstones.
They dig you in by the road and you become mulch for the bluebells.
Sorry, can we talk about something else? You have to be prepared, Sandra.
We do, anyway.
Have you got anything planned, Gerry? Yeah, burn up.
I've got a vision of a crematorium besieged by grieving women, all wearing black stockings.
What about music? Nah.
Haven't thought about it.
You've got to get it sorted.
I know what I want.
Oh, yeah? A rave from the grave? Yeah, a rocker from the locker.
Guys, we've got to look at these stats.
Hold on.
Listen to this.
MUSIC: "Light My Fire" by The Doors Know what that is? Is it Rolf Harris? Rolf Harris! No! Think of cremation.
You know that I would be untrue You know that I would be a liar If I were to say to you Sir.
.
.
Girl, we couldn't get much higher Come on, baby, light my fire Come on, baby, light my fire Try to set the night on fire! MUSIC CONTINUES: # Time for hesitation # It's all right.
It's OK.
Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey It's all right.
I say, it's OK Listen to what I say It's all right.
Doing fine Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine It's all right, I say, it's OK We're getting to the end of the day.
Sorry I'm late.
ORGAN PLAYS "MY WAY" BY FRANK SINATRA Filth.
My beloved father, Victor Hadley, passed away peacefully at our family home in Spain in his 83rd year.
He was one of a special breed of people known as the great generation.
But, in 1974, Dad was exiled from the land of his birth by the Inland Revenue and the Metropolitan Police.
MOURNERS MURMUR AGREEMENT We're here today for Dad.
A jewel among men, a diamond geezer.
MOURNERS MURMUR AGREEMENT May he rest in peace.
Amen.
Amen.
Derek wants a word with you.
DerekHadley.
Look, I think there's been some sort of a mistake.
There has.
And you made it.
So what do you want to do? Make a scene, or show respect? What's your game? I don't know what you're talking about.
You blagged your way into my family's day of grief.
I was invited.
Were you(!) Why would we want the filth at my dad's funeral? It's not even embossed! It's been knocked off on some copier.
Someone put it through my letterbox.
I didn't know it wasn't kosher.
I thought it was someone I knew.
You came here to wind us up.
You'll well out of order.
Stop.
I've had enough.
Tough titty.
.
.
Alfie.
Do you like funerals? Keep your snout in my business, you'll find yourself at another.
Look at him, poor old plonker.
You should see yourself.
I'm told you're not even the filth any more.
Gerry? I need a bit of help.
Jesus! Jack, you all right, mate? Cheers, Gerry.
I'm sorry to drag you out.
Nah, that's all Cor blimey, you look terrible! What happened? Just give me a lift home, will you? Yeah.
I'll tell you in the car.
Hello, Brian.
Jack all right? Yeah, I'm fine.
Thanks for coming round.
It's all right.
Esther said to bring some grapes.
Oh, that's very kind of her.
Yeah, well, it's the thought that counts.
Sandra doesn't know anything about all this, does she? No, she'd already left.
Good.
I'm not sure how official I want to make all this.
Now, Derek Hadley.
Chopper Hadley.
As far as we remember, he was a big-time dealer in the '90s.
But never convicted of a serious crime.
Drugs raids were blow-outs, witnesses too scared to come forward.
He turned millions in criminal earnings into lucrative investments.
Left the UK to live in Spain in 1997, reputedly carried an axe.
And used it - frequently.
Another drink, Jack? Oh, yeah, sure.
So what's Hadley actually doing here? According to criminal intelligence, apart from burying his father, Hadley's here to dispose of some investment properties.
Looks like he's burning his boats in England.
He must be in a bit of a hurry because he's booked a return flight for next week.
Still a criminal? Definitely.
Accounts for not wanting me on his back.
Yeah, but not for why you were conned into going No.
Well, shortly after he went to live in Spain in '97, he was suspected of being involved in a murder.
Yes, Mickey Springer, small-time villain.
Never enough evidence to prosecute.
And I was one of the last people to see him alive.
In 1997, an informant of mine called Mickey Springer called to see me, saying that his life was in danger.
He owed a lot of money to a serious villain and he offered to grass up this villain in exchange for protection.
I asked for a name but he wanted too many assurances before he would give it.
Well, Mickey Springer disappeared.
And about a week later, a man's body in black plastic bin liners was found in the River Lea.
The head and hands had been removed, presumably to delay identification.
But it was eventually identified as that of Mickey Springer.
Were you involved in the investigation? No.
I had retired to look after Mary.
So what conclusion was reached? None, really, except that Springer was a known associate of one Derek Hadley.
Chopper Hadley.
The same.
Now, Hadley had left the UK to join his father in Spain about the same time Springer disappeared.
He was very much in the frame for the killing.
There wasn't enough evidence to warrant extradition.
The removal of Springer's head and hands.
Was that done with an axe? No.
No, it was a chainsaw job and it was done after Springer was dead.
The pathologist was unable to determine cause of death.
Did Springer have family? Not as far as we know.
Wife, girlfriends? Nobody came forward.
Why bring this to the top of the pile, Jack? Because Hadley is back in the UK for a brief period to settle family and business affairs.
There'll never be a better chance.
OK.
I'll square it with Strickland.
Thanks.
There's some background material on him.
Thank you.
So, the case files need reviewing and we need to track down what Hadley's doing in the UK now, who his associates are, where he's staying.
Surveillance.
I'll have some of that.
Well, you know me.
I'm always up for a bit of leg work.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS Of course, a lot of the surveillance material was taken under very difficult conditions and just using available light but with digital images and the sophisticated software, you'll be amazed at the quality that can be recovered.
What's your white spot setting and your RGB balance? Default, right? He's getting there.
Give him a chance.
I didn't know you were such a digital whiz! Oh, it's just, um This person was a suspect? No, that was a blonde who just happened to be riding a bicycle.
I got the framing slightly out on that one.
Thomas Gerrard.
Yeah, recently released after a long stretch for dealing in controlled substances.
Plenty of previous, including a GBH charge - dropped when the witness disappeared.
Known associate of Chopper Hadley in the '90s.
How did he lose his fingers? According to him, nail-biting.
Huh! Funny Gerrard didn't figure in the Springer inquiry.
Who was the investigating officer? Andy Cutler.
Still in the job? No.
Retired, 1999.
No, he went early.
Medical grounds.
He was working in vice.
Moved over from MOD.
Then you must know him, Gerry.
Our paths crossed, yeah.
I see you're keeping busy during your retirement, Mr Cutler.
How about if I'm Andy and you're Sandra? We're all on the same side.
I hope so.
.
.
Keep your guard up, Marvin! We're looking at Mickey Springer.
Well, I hope you have more luck than I did.
Luck?! Oh, I'll have to watch my words with you, Sandra, I can see that.
No, it's not just luck.
It's resources and priorities.
So you didn't prioritise the Springer case? We had a serial sex killer at the time.
Springer was a dead minor criminal.
Where would you spend your budget? Fair point.
Keep moving, Deano! Let's see if we can make a better job now.
Do you recognise either of these? Well, Derek Hadley featured in the investigation, as records show, but we had no forensics or weapon or even cause of death to tie him to Springer.
The other one, Gerrard, I don't recall his name coming up at all.
Would you have done anything differently with hindsight? They won't leave evidence lying around.
They know the score.
So it's down to information.
Nobody was talking.
I couldn't get round that.
It may look like a crap result to you, Sandra, but it was the best we could manage.
Thanks for being straight, Andy.
I may get back as it progresses.
Of course.
My pleasure.
I hear you're working with Gerry Standing? Yeah.
Give him my regards.
It's been too long.
OK, I will.
Bye.
This the place? Yeah, this is it.
So, 2.
35am on 10th November 1997, a police area car observes a vehicle emerge from this cul-de-sac without its lights on.
Mickey Springer was last seen alive on November 9th.
So the area car pulls the vehicle over.
It's registered to Derek Hadley.
But the driver identifies himself as Thomas Gerrard.
They searched the car, I hope.
Yeah.
A routine search reveals nothing suspicious.
Gerrard tests negative for alcohol.
He's cautioned and proceeds on his way.
2.
30 in the morning.
He must have been up to something.
I'll say.
This is a cul-de-sac, so he wasn't passing through.
Unless he was visiting somebody who lived here.
I wonder who.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS This is one of Hadley's properties.
A gorgeous gaffe in Wimbledon.
Was this traffic stop in the original files? No, it was in a dossier on Gerrard.
It was in the traffic reports.
Now, he's had a bit of a falling out with his estate agent.
We're working through Land Registry records of properties in the cul-de-sac.
Trying to find out what Gerrard was doing that night.
So Cutler must have known Hadley's car was pulled over round the time of the murder.
Excuse me.
I thought you might be interested.
So why didn't he follow it through? Yeah? Well, you give him grief.
I wasn't involved.
I'm going out for a cigarette.
I've checked through Cutler's resignation.
He did retire on medical grounds but he was also the subject of a CIB investigation.
What for? Corruption.
Presumably that was after he left murder.
Yeah, two years after the Springer inquiry.
I want to talk to him again.
I don't remember anything about this.
It's in the traffic reports.
You'd could have had a forensic team crawling all over Hadley.
His cars, his properties and, if he'd been responsible, you could have nailed him.
It should have been followed up.
I was in charge.
I take the responsibility.
That's very good, Andy.
Now, is there anything else I ought to know about the handling of this inquiry? Like I said, it wasn't top priority.
There were some mistakes.
I don't think we're talking mistakes.
Laziness and incompetence are bad Hang about! But not criminal.
Whereas deliberate sabotage is something else.
You see, you were on the take in vice Nobody ever proved that.
So maybe you were up for a bung in the murder squad.
I want everything you know about Springer and if I think you're holding back, I'll have your conduct investigated with a view to bringing criminal proceedings.
Get out of my face, sweetheart.
I've got nothing more to tell you cos I'm clean.
As clean as Gerry Standing, anyway.
There's nothing you can tell me about Gerry that I don't know.
He could always wind tarts round his little finger.
Believe me, if I go down, I can take Gerry with me.
How's your unsolved crimes unit going to look then? Gerry, me old China.
I see you landed on your feet, then.
Nice soft job.
Andy.
Perhaps you can escort your friend off the premises.
The thinking man's crumpet.
Ah, Sandra, the very man! Eh? We need a pukka police officer.
We want a search warrant.
What for? We'll show you.
Come on.
All for one and one for all, Gerry, that's the way to look at it.
Are you trying to drop me in it? Andy? So, what's happening, chaps? We're off on a recce.
Oh, yeah? It doesn't need all of us.
You keep up the surveillance.
Yeah, all right.
In 1996, Derek Hadley acquired two adjoining properties in this mews for development.
In the summer of '97, Hadley got planning permission to knock both of them into one.
Work was in progress November of that year.
And this is the result? Which he sold on for a very handsome profit in the spring of '98.
He's done a nice job.
Yeah, beware of hidden defects.
In the kitchen, the wooden floor was replaced with concrete.
And that work was going on in November '97.
On November 10th, Tommy Gerrard's discovered lurking around here in the early hours of the morning.
A good opportunity to hide a bit of evidence.
What if that evidence was an axe? With Mickey Springer's blood on the end? And Hadley's dabs on the handle.
Sounds like a good piece of evidence to me.
Worth a try.
Let's get a warrant.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS What's that? Pipework.
Central heating.
This ain't half making a hole in my budget.
It is interesting, though, isn't it? This is anomalous.
Ooh.
What is it? Can't tell.
It shouldn't be under a solid kitchen floor.
Here we go.
You'd better break the good news to the householders.
Yes.
OFFICER CHISELS AT CONCRETE FLOOR I don't think we're looking at weapons here.
Oh, dear! Forensic dentistry tells us this is Mickey Springer's skull and pathology says the head and hands were severed post mortem.
And the plant material? Stem and fragments of a red rose petal in the lab.
Somebody cared for him.
Somebody butchered him and hid the bits.
What did he die of? A deep linear wound in the cranium causing massive brain damage.
Caused by? Well, a heavy thwack to the head with a cleaver or an axe.
So what's our next move? any forensics from Hadley or Gerrard.
If we pull them in for questioning, we'll alert them to the inquiry.
Is there any way to get close to Hadley? Under cover? Get his confidence.
Get him talking.
If anyone at all is interested in my opinion Oh, Gerry, please(!) Well, like I was trying to tell you, Hadley's fallen out with his estate agent over the sale of the house.
Now, there's 5 million riding on this deal.
And we know that Hadley urgently needs to wrap up all his UK businesses cos he's on a plane at the end of the week, right? So a "buyer" comes along.
A buyer with loads of flash cash to unload.
And he works out a deal how they can get round capital gains, a sort of kindred spirit, someone a mile wide.
Now, I wonder who could play that role, Gerry! Yeah, and anyone with that sort of money would have a drop-dead gorgeous trophy wife.
Covered from head to foot in bling, Versace threads and Jimmy Choo ones and twos.
Come on, Sandra! You were born for it! I'll go and talk to Strickland before he knocks off.
If you've made any crumbs in there, clear them up yourself.
I don't make crumbs.
Did you buy me a whole duck or half a duck? I can't No, hang on, Jack! Take it easy.
This isn't opportunist vandals.
You're being targeted, Jack.
I know that.
Why, has anything like this happened before? No, nothing like this.
A couple of incidents - slashed tyres, wreath delivered.
Mickey Springer? This is all tied up with Hadley, isn't it? Yeah.
Why didn't you tell us? You'd have taken me off the case.
Investigating officer emotionally involved? You're not a copper, Jack.
I don't think I have to apply the same rules to you.
About this undercover idea.
I got clearance last night.
Fantastic.
We really appreciate your backing.
But you can forget about doing it yourselves.
Sir? Derek Hadley is a major criminal target.
A lot of other units want him.
Oh, really? The undercover investigation will be handled by a trained and qualified undercover officer.
You want to bring someone in.
Don't be negative.
This is inter-agency multi-tasking, Sandra.
It's the way forward.
It comes from the highest levels.
This will undermine my authority and disrupt my team.
This is not a consultation exercise.
I've already organised a suitable officer.
So, what keeps me on the rails is a cocktail of psychotropic substances.
I see.
What would you be like if you didn't take these? Ah, good morning! Oh, this is Tina.
Hello, Tina.
Detective Inspector Tina Murray.
Gerry Standing.
Jack Halford.
Good to meet you.
Glad to see you're getting acquainted.
Morning, sir.
Detective Inspector Tina Murray, this is DS Sandra Pullman.
Good to be working with you, Ma'am.
Well, would someone bring us up to speed? Tina's undercover.
Oh, yeah.
So who are you really? DI Murray's here on a limited attachment.
I've been having a talk with Brian.
Er, listen, I wouldn't want you to get the impression that we're all I think you'll find that we bring a variety of skills to the table.
I know.
We've done a review to find out which of you I'll be going into the field with.
You're going in? It's not negotiable, Gerry, it's a command.
Well, what you're going to need, Tina, is a partner who's well on top of the case, can make consistent and creative use of his cover story and can front it up with a top-ten villain.
Absolutely correct.
Well, you can count me out.
I have an aversion to theatricals.
We've made our choice.
I'll go in with Brian.
Right, well, I'll leave you to sort out the details yourself.
How did you work that one out? Well, when you're undercover you need to be able to recall every detail of your legend.
Please! We've been doing this since before you were born.
And he's just given me a potted history of the British pharmaceutical industry plus illustrations.
Memory lane, Gerry.
I don't believe this.
So the order of battle is me and Brian in the field.
You've given a lot of thought to my team.
Well, given your expertise and authority, we'll be depending hugely on you and Mr Halford as back-up.
I'll be monitoring your every move.
And what about me? Well, I'm sure DS Pullman will keep you occupied.
Right, let's get cracking.
Dry white wine? No, thanks, I'm on duty.
Huh, apparently I'm not.
Yeah, that could have been handled better.
When I joined CID that little girl would have been making the tea.
Hmm! So would I! Please, Sandra, this isn't about feminist solidarity, it's about being sidelined.
Why do you think that is, Gerry? Andy Cutler's marked my cards, hasn't he? How would he do that? If there's something I should know, I'd like to hear it from you, not Andy Cutler.
Let's sit down.
When Cutler and I were in vice, we went to all the best places.
Knocking shops, massage parlours, illegal gambling I can imagine.
Yeah, well, we had this really useful contact.
Nice lady, ran a clean house and the girls were well looked after.
Well, we heard she was due a raid.
So we thought, "What good's that going to do?" I mean, because of her, we controlled the whole areamore or less.
So Andy tipped her the wink.
Did you know about this? Of course I knew, he was my partner.
But she slipped him two grand.
What about you? Well, I had my usual problems - too many wives, too many kids and he passed a monkey on to me.
Just to see me over.
Gerry.
Yeah, but he gave it to me, she didn't.
Nobody was harmed, nobody knew and nobody complained.
I could nick you right now.
Yeah? Are you going to? You should have told me when his name came up.
You should have told me, Gerry.
I'm telling you now.
Anything else I should know? No.
No, no.
Scouts honour.
Nothing.
Thank God for that.
So where do I stand? Well, given your involvement, I don't think you should be in the frontline of this enquiry.
Uh-huh.
Well, you'll get my resignation in writing in the morning.
I won't accept it.
Esther? Mmm? I shall be going operational very shortly.
While I'm in the field, I will be totally incommunicado.
I'm afraid I can't reveal any details as to my circumstances or whereabouts Oh, never mind.
I suppose there's always the chance that I won't come back.
Well, I'll make you some sandwiches.
There's something I want you to know, Esther.
Mmm? I shall be operating in a covert, clandestine manner away from home, possibly for days at a time.
I'll be partnered by a young female.
That's nice.
I want to reassure you, Esther, that you need have no worries aboutmy fidelity.
ESTHER GIGGLES Oh, Brian, you are priceless.
Derek Hadley.
Hi, I'm Brian.
And this is Tina, my personal assistant.
Right, Tina.
Derek.
Come in.
Come in.
We spoke to the agents, but they said you were handling the sale.
They weren't doing the business, know what I mean? So you don't live here yourself? No, no, no, the house is being let - top end of the market, of course.
Executives, diplomats, but I'm based abroad, time to wrap up my UK interests.
So you're looking for a quick sale? Well, at the right price, Brian.
The domestic property market's not what it was.
Yeah, but in the long run you can rely on bricks and mortar.
Need to do a lot of work - decor.
Those light fittings! Install a pool and a home gym.
And we need to see what you've got by way of guarantees as to dry rot, wet rot, subsidence, damp, rising damp, woodworm .
.
thermal insulation He's going over the top.
What's she doing? Energy efficiency.
If we do follow up, we'll be getting a surveyor to look at all of that.
Yes, of course, darling.
So you'll be living here yourselves? It'll be our London base.
We're abroad a lot.
Oh, yeah.
What? Business? Yeah, Eastern Europe, Russia, former Soviet republics.
Bit lively out there, innit? Well, you know how it is in business, Derek, if you take large risks you expect large returns.
Same the whole world over, Brian.
He's biting.
Come on, reel him in.
Give him a chance.
So, Derek, your asking price for this is? Five.
Can I see the rest of it? You can see whatever you like, my darling.
Look, I don't want to rush you but I'm leaving the country very shortly.
I would like to get this sorted.
Naturally, but I have to tell you, Derek, price is an obstacle.
Five.
It's a prime location.
Money needs spending on it.
But I need a fair return on my investment.
Yes, of course you do.
I mean, you're entitled.
But it's not going to happen, is it? You'll be whacked for capital gains.
Tell me about it.
And I'll be stuck with stamp duty on top of the price.
In other parts of the world we'd find a way round it.
Oh, yeah? Well, for example, we might agree on a price of say, three and a quarter million You're taking the piss.
No, that's what goes down in the books! Plus you get a million in your hand, cash money.
Have you got that kind of cash, Brian? It's not a problem for me.
In fact Brian! Tina.
I think Derek's a man of the world, don't you? The fact is, Derek, it would quite suit me to turn cash into an asset at this moment in time.
Enough said? I think we've been a bit previous.
No, they're pushing him too hard.
I'm gonna need to check you out.
Well, why don't we both take some time out to think this over.
Reconvene here tomorrow.
I'm sure we can find a way forward.
You've got a nerve! What a nice way to greet an old mate, Gerry.
Aren't you going to ask me in? We're being followed.
Don't look round! Are you sure? Yeah.
Don't worry, I was trained in defensive driving.
I can lose him.
No, don't let's lose him Hey? Let's catch him.
That girl is not experienced, we should pull her off the case.
The phone's switched off.
So, what do you want, Andy? I want to do you a favour.
You've done me enough favours, thanks.
Oh, have I got you into trouble with the boss? Your days with UCOS must be numbered.
Take advantage while you can, mate.
What? Your lot are going after Hadley.
You tell me what they've got on him and how they're playing it, I'll tell Hadley and we'll both come away with a serious amount of wedge.
For your retirement.
It'll be just like old times, Gerry.
Yeah, all right.
Come on! Come on! I'm at the address they gave you.
They're here now.
No, everything looks kosher so far.
Right.
Hands on the wheel.
Shit.
Don't look at me.
Who sent you? What the hell is he playing at? I knew this was a mistake.
.
.
Three Derek Hadley sent me.
He wants to know if you're the full shilling.
What else would we be? He thinks you're villains.
Course we're bloody villains.
Who else would have a million in cash for a property scam? He thinks you're trying to rip him off.
You tell Hadley we're on his side.
Otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Got the message? Sure.
Sure.
Pass it on.
ENGINE STARTS I thought they made those things illegal.
Confiscated, May 1993, from a teenage arsonist.
I never throw anything away.
Keep talking.
I don't know any more.
No? Yeah, all right.
All right.
Talk to Tommy Gerrard.
I've been trying to get through for the past 12 hours.
What was Brian playing at last night? Look, Tina, you're supposed to be the undercover expert, you should be keeping him in line.
Sandra? Just put him on, will you? We've got a break through.
Gerry! Well, get him out of the shower.
.
.
No, OK, fair point.
There are limits.
Get him to phone me back urgently.
Thank you.
Tommy Gerrard is the key.
How do you make that out? Well, I reckon he's playing his own game.
He's setting Jack and Hadley up against each other.
Why would he be doing that? He nearly dropped Hadley right in it dumping the evidence, remember? When he was pulled over outside the mews.
So Hadley took his fingers off.
He hates Hadley's guts.
PHONE RINGS Hang on, Brian.
Where did you get this from? Information received.
Oh, you mean bullshit from a dodgy snout.
No, it's not, actually.
Who's it from? I'd rather not reveal the source.
Let me deal with Brian.
.
.
Brian, could you explain what you were up to? Look, is it OK if I stick with Gerrard? Yeah, whatever.
Right.
I'm sorry about last night but you know how it is.
You have to take precautions.
Perfectly understandable.
The important thing is we all play for the same team.
I'll drink to that.
Now I really need to get this sorted because my plane is booked for tomorrow.
We're your kind of people, Derek.
We're ready to commit.
Magic.
Brian.
.
.
Tina.
Course the lawyers will have to sort out all the paperwork but By way of a deposit.
This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Come on.
Go for it.
One thing I have to ask you, Derek.
I mean, we did a bit of research on you, like you did on us and apparently, on the street, you're always known as Chopper.
That brought a blush to her cheeks! I knew what it meant.
I mean, it's just reputation, isn't it? I mean, we've dealt with some hard cases Oh, I'll say - Russians, Chechens, we take no prisoners.
I can imagine.
But you, Derek, I mean, you're just a pussycat, really.
Did you ever actually use an axe on somebody? Go on, Derek, indulge her.
I've done it all, darling.
Enough said.
Hey, come on, what are you actually saying? What, threats, wounding? Y-You don't mean? You'll find out what I can do if we're ever up against it.
All right, now leave it, Tina.
She's lost it - pushed him too hard.
She's useless.
I should have been doing this.
Which brings me to another matter I wanted to put to you two.
You two have got venture capital, you're up for taking chances, here's something massive.
What are we saying here, Derek? You wanna shift more of that straightaway? The sky's the limit.
I'm talking millions.
You could be in for the lot.
I'll just make a phone call.
No, mate.
The thing is, you're either in or you're out.
And if you're in, you and I don't lose sight of each other until I show you the goods.
This is interesting.
Yeah, but they'll have to busk it.
All right, Derek, we're sporting people.
You're in.
Pick the bones out of this, Halford.
Who the hell are you? Gerry Standing.
I work for the police.
And now they've got your picture.
Now be sensible, Tommy.
My guv'nor will deal with you.
Let's move.
You don't want me talking to your guv'nor.
Why not? You've been working on your own.
You've been winding Hadley and Jack Halford up.
I bet you invited him to the funeral.
Oh, very clever.
Do you know why, smart arse? You wanna pay him back for chopping your fingers off.
Urgh! Urgh! Uh! Uh! It's got nothing to do with me bleeding fingers! What then? Hadley and Halford, they killed the love of my life.
Are we talking another murder here? Mickey Springer.
What, you and him? So where exactly are we going, Derek? Come on, it can't do any harm to tell us now.
I want to surprise you, Brian.
And young Tina here.
She thinks I'm a pussycat.
Prepare to be amazed.
What's he playing at? I know where they're going.
It's not far.
I buried my old man here a few days ago.
You have my sympathy, Derek, but I don't quite see I'm going to dig him up.
Oh, my God.
I'm not with you, mate.
Diamonds.
Nicked in Sierra Leone during the civil war, smuggled up to Morocco, across the straits into Spain, into the UK and my Dad's coffin.
Keeping it in the family.
My old man knew his time was up.
He wasn't scared, he was ready.
Looked at me and made his last request.
"Son, I want to go out the way I've lived, pulling in a diabolical stroke.
" It was the least I could do for him.
Well, we're deeply moved, Derek, butexhuming a body is a long, hard job and I'm not in my youth.
Oh, leave it out, Brian, what do you take me for? I've got a JCB to do the heavy digging.
The manual work will be the delicate stuff, right at the end, when we pull Dad out.
Oh, my God, I'm totally out of here.
Jack, Gerry just sent me this.
I think you better take a look at it.
Tommy Gerrard.
He must be thick as pigshit - this will wind you up, not scare you off.
I thought that would be obvious.
So Gerrard's got a stroke of his own.
Why? Uh! Uh! Bloody hell, Tommy.
Who's this? He was following me.
Says he's police.
His name's Standing.
Urgh! All yours, guv.
He's not Standing now, is he? We'd better get in there.
You can't go in without back-up.
There's no time.
You've got my phone! Use mine.
Yes, DS Pullman, what's your ETA? Just for crossing me up! You've been crossed up again, Chopper! What are you doing here? Ask your man, Tommy.
He's been winding me up all week - putting the frighteners on me - hoping I'd believe it was you.
That's crap, guv.
I wouldn't do Vandalising my property and making threats.
It's crap, guv.
Take a look.
Earlier tonight - my back garden.
And who do you think invited me to your Dad's funeral in the first place? Gerrard's your enemy.
I had your fingers, you toerag, now I'm going to have your head.
No, guv.
Armed police! Armed police! Put your weapons down and raise your hands above your heads! Bollocks! Put your weapon on the floor! Drop it! A-a-ah! Well, that was a splendid result.
Case solved, villains in the bin.
It was a balls-up! It's a bloody miracle one of my team didn't get killed! Yeah, well, they stick their necks out.
No! YOU stuck their necks out! No I should have been there! The case needed an undercover officer.
She fell apart! Well, that was role play Oh, role play, my arse! She bottled it! Yes, well, this conversation is now closed.
Not quite.
DS Pullman! Don't dump on my team again! Sir.
Brian? It's all over, Esther.
The good guys won.
SHE SNEEZES Ooh! Are you wearing aftershave? It's called "Lethal, for men.
" Well, don't get it on the sheets.
Oh, what have you been doing? Or is it still top secret? No, I can speak now.
Well, I've solved a ten-year old murder, recovered £20 million-worth of smuggled diamonds from the grave of a notorious killer.
All this came through a gay gangster who was forced to dismember his dead lover.
Brian, if you can't say anything sensible, just let me go back to sleep.
Uh! It's all right, it's OK Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey It's all right, I say, it's OK Listen to what I say It's all right, doing fine Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine It's all right, I say, it's OK We're getting to the end of the day High-tech, low-tech, take your pick Cos you can't teach an old dog a brand-new trick I don't care what anybody says