Offspring (2010) s03e04 Episode Script
Time
There's your baby.
Thank you.
Our little baby.
You're crushing me a bit again.
So, uh, can you help? Why me? Because you know how to set stupid lyrics to music, and make it sound great.
Mick's had trouble conceiving and I'm the sperm donor.
We are standing in the most amazing sublet.
This is your home.
It's our home.
I was hoping to see Dr Noonan.
I knew a Proudman family once.
Uh, well, I knew a Geraldine Proudman.
She's my mother.
You never said you're his daughter? No! I couldn't.
I just bolted, like a madwoman.
Martin Clegg.
Good evening.
I'm Dr Martin Clegg, obstetrics PhD and author of the bestselling 'Messages from the Womb'.
In tonight's episode, we look at the unlikely coupling between a neurotic - at times, obsessive - obstetrician, a dark, self-flagellating anaesthetist, and the surprising happiness they've found together in their rustic yet charming inner-suburban dwelling.
Enjoy.
Hmm.
It was an interesting start.
When we first met, Nina actually hated me.
I didn't hate I didn't hate him.
Yeah, you did.
No.
I didn't.
It's hard to believe that in only a few short months, this unlikely pair have fallen so deeply in love.
Before Patrick came along, like, she had a really rough trot in the romance department.
That's putting it mildly.
But she never stopped believing.
But life hasn't always been smooth sailing for this unassuming Melbourne obstetrician.
She's had more than her fair share of romantic failure, invasive familial crisis, and crippling episodes of anxiety and self-loathing.
But through it all, Nina never lost sight of the dream and a healthy relationship with an incredibly hot, emotionally stable man.
Nina? Hmm? Where were you just now? Nowhere.
Just juicing.
Juicing.
Perfectly normal juicing.
So, how's Patrick coping? What do you mean? Well, you've been living together for a week now.
Point being? Well, you're pretty painful to live with, Neens.
Oh.
You survived.
I didn't have to work with you all day, and deal with you in the nude.
Can you knock next time?! Sorry.
Were you slouching? What? Were you or were you? I was probably slouching.
Well, I might've been doing this.
Either way, it's not ideal for the girls.
He's seen the girls, Billie.
He's quite familiar with the girls' work.
Mick's in the cave.
What? Man cave.
Oh.
He's wallowing.
In what? Rejection.
So, we're having drinks tomorrow after work with Tim and Andrew.
Why would I go and have drinks with a man that rejected me? OK.
Firstly, he didn't reject you.
He rejected your song, and not because it wasn't good.
Because it was Non-commercial.
Exactly.
And who wants to be commercial? You're proudly 'uncommercial'.
The girls are sore.
It's a good sign.
Or it could just be pre- I'm not going.
And then he just scuttled off back into his cave.
And whereabouts is that? It's not a real cave, Neens.
I am aware that man caves aren't actual caves, Billie.
I'm just wondering does he leave the house or? He doesn't actually go into a cave.
I understand that.
He just cracks the sads and shuts down.
So, at home? At home.
In the pub, in the car.
So, it's not weird, working together all day and living together? No.
Not at all.
We're respecting each other's space.
Respecting each other's space? Hmm.
Well, that's not good.
What? Why? Men are always with the space thing.
No.
Nuh.
Not this early.
You've spooked him already.
No, I haven't.
Well, have you brought up the big Ms mortgage, marriage, minors? No, no, and what? Minors - kids.
You haven't talked about kids? No.
Of course not.
It's way too early to have that conversation.
It would be if you were normal, but you're not normal people, Neens.
I mean, you're you, and Patrick's a man who's lost a baby.
You actually think that you're helping, don't you? OK.
It's going down, down.
No, no.
No.
It's going up.
It's definitely going down, baby.
Oh, no.
Trust me, baby.
It's definitely OK.
No, maybe it is going up.
OK.
Just breathe, honey.
You're doing really well.
Oh! Keep breathing.
Keep breathing.
Well done, darling.
Well done.
Water.
Have a drink.
Have a drink.
Good.
Well done.
So, Polly, you've done a very thorough birth plan.
That's me, actually.
I'm a planner, you know.
Know what you want.
Write it all down.
No confusion, yeah? Yeah, baby.
You're doing really, really well, sweetheart.
Billie Proudman.
Really? Mick? Out here! Guess what.
What? I have been invited to speak at a conference in New Zealand! Why? Well, Lachlan was meant to do it, but he can't.
Something about inflammation.
I don't know.
I wasn't really listening.
But he said there's no-one else he'd rather recommend.
But you hate public speaking.
I know.
But I've wrangled it so that you can come too.
What? Yeah.
I had to say you had some special needs, but I did it.
You're my plus-one.
All expenses paid.
Five nights in the picturesque North Island.
You can go to Hobbiton learn the haka.
I'm not gonna learn the haka.
Fine.
You can just stay in the hotel and watch porn all day.
I can do that here.
Yeah.
Well, not with room service.
Come on, Mick.
Well, there's nothing else for you to do.
You said yourself you're stagnating.
You can't break out of your creative crisis.
And your personal hygiene's suffering.
Is this a new technique of yours to just offend me into doing what you want? Depends.
Is it working? You know, you didn't have to wait.
Yeah, I know.
I just thought it might be nice to travel home together.
It was, but just for future reference, you don't have to wait.
Oh.
So I thought we could just chillax, get some takeaway.
Maybe see if that bath's big enough for the two of us.
"Chillax"? Yeah.
You know, chill out, relax.
What kind of takeaway? Whatever.
I'm easy.
Is that right? Mm-hm.
Come here.
Despite her being worryingly anal, he found her thoroughly irresistible, and he thought about touching her all the Hi! Happy housewarming! Hi.
Thanks.
It's a Oh, it's a bonsai.
Yes.
Hey.
Hey yourself.
My God! Hey, you.
What's up? Oh, don't panic.
We can't stay very long.
We've got a play date around the corner.
We just wanted to drop off your bonsai, and I've been gagging to see your new place.
Have you just? Oh, sorry.
Hello? Nina, it's Phillip Noonan.
Have I caught you at a bad time? No.
I know it's inappropriate for me to contact you, but I, uh had heard that your parents had separated, and I was wondering if Geraldine was OK.
Uh, yeah.
She's OK.
Good! That's excellent.
I was going to ask you for her number, but that'd put you in a very awkward position, wouldn't it? Uh, what? What? No.
Uh, yes.
Well, I could I guess I I could p-pass on your number.
I'd like that very much.
- I should really - Sorry.
- Um - I should go.
Well, then, uh, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Everything OK? That was Dr Noonan.
He wanted Mum's contact details.
He didn't want to put me in an awkward position.
I have to tell him.
If that's what you want.
I don't have a choice.
Actually, you do.
Really? What kind of person would I be if I lie about a thing like that? You're not lying, Nina.
Yes, I'm lying.
I'm lying by omission.
And it's not a little lie.
It's huge.
I have to tell him.
Now? Hey, I'm I'm sorry to just Hi.
I I'm sorry to disturb you.
I just No, not that.
Yeah, I'm hi.
Hi! I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
I am your bol I am your biological daughter.
I am your biological daughter! It's not ideal, I know! I know.
It's terrible.
"You're my biological father.
" That's it.
Say 'father'.
No.
It's shocking.
Yes, it is.
You're my biological father, so that's all.
Nina.
Oh, I'm sorry to turn up out of the blue like this.
I just What I Was Come in.
I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
You're my biological daughter.
Father! You're my biological father.
What? No.
That's Your mother and I only It was just the one time, and Are you sure? Well That's, um I'm sorry to just blurt it out like that.
Hmm.
I tend to blurt when I'm nervous.
Hmm.
Do you? I'm a bit of a blurter, myself.
Hmm.
Is this why the appointment? I didn't know what to do.
Well, no.
How could you? This is, um How long have you known? Just a few weeks.
Oh.
Ooh.
I'm sorry.
No.
I think it's me.
No, no, no.
That's me.
No, it's not Isn't it? Oh, it's me.
Hang on.
Sorry.
I've, um I've got an elderly patient and I I do home visits.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Um I'll just I really should let you go.
Well, uh, can we meet again? Is it OK if I, um call you? Yeah.
It's OK.
Voila.
Thanks, Andrew.
Pleasure.
So Mick and I are going to New Zealand.
What? Why? For work.
I'm giving a talk on sustainable development in real estate at a conference in front of people.
I'm gonna do a tour of Hobbiton.
Probably just lay in bed all day and watch hobbit porn.
Ugh! That's horrible.
Can you do tours of Hobbiton? Mm-hm.
Probably in costume.
Well, look, as hot as Mick would look dressed as a hobbit, I have to throw a spanner in the works here, because I want to offer you a gig playing keys for this fantastic singer I'm working with.
But you'd have to start straightaway.
Really? I thought my work was resolutely uncommercial.
Mick.
That guy had the musical sensibilities of an aerobics instructor.
Roseanne is different.
She's she's got class.
I mean, I know it's short notice and I know it stuffs up New Zealand, but I think you'd really enjoy working with her, Mick.
This girl - she can she can sing.
Yeah? He'll do it.
Have you met my manager? I'm sorry.
No.
Do it.
It was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had.
And I've had some strange conversations.
I know.
I'd like to think I've been part of that.
Go on.
What? You were talking.
Where was I? Mm-hm.
Strange conversations.
Um I just couldn't work out what he was thinking.
At one point I thought, "He's gonna run.
" Well, he didn't run.
He did look a bit like he'd been shot.
Well, you did the right thing.
And, you know, you could've taken the easy way out, and not said anything, but you didn't.
Thank you.
What for? Being here.
I'm Sheena.
I'm nearly 28 weeks.
And this is Dan.
Hey.
This is our first baby, and we're here because um, Dan's terrified, and I made him come.
OK, next.
Just make it quick.
We've got a few to get through.
I'm Larissa.
32 weeks.
This is my partner, Bobby.
Hi.
This is my first baby and Bobby's third.
Bobby's in here because he lost a coin toss three times in a row.
I tried.
Excellent.
Welcome aboard.
OK, so we're nearly there.
Hi.
I'm Jimmy.
Um, I'm not pregnant.
But I was having relations with someone who is pregnant.
I mean, she wasn't before we She is now.
Um, and she's decided to have the baby even though we're not together.
Um, which is her decision.
I was up for it.
But she said she didn't want to manufacture a connection, which is fair enough.
She's a midwife at this hospital, actually.
What? It's not it's not me.
So, um so, she doesn't have to come to this class.
But I thought I'd stick my head in, so to speak, 'cause I'm gonna be a dad.
Now, for the journey of birth.
Yes.
That's it, baby.
You're doing so well, Polly.
That's it.
Breathe it out.
Let it out, darling.
It's coming, baby.
You're doing so well.
So well.
Good girl.
Oh, Polly.
You've had such a long night.
Yeah.
Hey, do you want a drink now? Have a drink.
I just need to check your dilation.
Here.
Come on.
Let me help you, baby.
Just roll over for me.
Nice and slow.
There's no rush.
You want a drink? No.
Grape.
Grape.
Here you go.
OK.
Just relax.
- Oh.
- Sorry.
Good, baby.
Alright.
You're about 4cm to 5cm.
So, nearly halfway.
That can't be right.
We've been in labour for so long.
Just dilating very slowly.
The baby's showing no signs of distress.
It's just taking its time.
You're doing so well, sweetheart.
Do you want some ice? Come in.
Do you want to sit up? Polly, this is Patrick.
He's one of our anaesthetists.
Hi, Polly.
This is Kelton, Polly's husband.
G'day.
Hi.
I just wanted to see if I could answer any questions you might have about pain relief.
You mean epidural? Yeah.
That's one of the options.
You're doing so well, baby.
We're not interested.
Well, that's entirely up to you.
We just want a natural birth.
Sure.
Well, I'm around if you change your mind, or if you want to talk at all.
- Just let me or Nina know.
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Here we go.
Here we go.
That's it.
Ow! Let it out, Polly, OK? Let it out.
Come on.
Big breath and then Good girl.
Baby comes through there.
And you keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing, yeah? It comes out, and you keep breathing, keep breathing.
And then, eventually - Flop! - Oh.
Out comes your placenta, yeah? Any questions? OK.
So, this is a good position for the intense part of labour.
Soften your hips.
Relax.
Open your legs, Jimmy, and breathe.
Soften your hips.
They're soft.
Keep moving.
Keep moving, Jimmy.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Oh, I'm having another contraction.
OK, so, from the peak of contraction, again, in through the mouth, and Oooh.
Good.
One more time.
Oooh.
Excellent.
That pretty much covers breathing, yeah? It's not rocket science, is it? How hard should we be blowing out? I read it in one of the books that we should use a candle, and you pant just enough to make the flame flicker, but not enough to make it blow out, yeah? OK.
So, first of all, there's no 'we' in labour, yeah? And, secondly, I can tell you categorically, if you put a naked flame anywhere near a woman in labour, someone's gonna get very badly burnt.
And by 'someone', I mean you, Dan.
You with me? Good.
That pretty much covers it.
Any more questions? Excellent.
Now it's time for the DVD.
Oh, well done.
Well done.
Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up.
You're not gonna throw up.
It's OK.
Not a problem.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It happens all the time.
Nina, perfect timing.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
That's It's OK, baby.
You're doing great, sweetheart.
Here we have the birthing suite.
It's currently in use.
Just go away.
The smell.
What? Yeah.
We should get you cleaned up.
Well, I'm not leaving Polly.
No.
It's OK.
She's in good hands.
Are you sure? Yep.
OK.
I'll just be two minutes.
I'll just get clean.
Are you alright? OK.
I'll be two minutes.
Just get me the anaesthetist.
Oh.
Hi.
Should I? No.
Dr Reid's here.
Oh, please.
You need to help me.
Please.
I want an epidural now.
It's OK, Polly.
I can't do this.
I can't.
I thought I could do it for Kelton, but I can't take this anymore.
OK.
Well, we're gonna get you some relief, OK? No, no.
You have to do it while he's out of the room.
I can't do it if he's here.
OK.
Let's get you in the right position then, alright? Let's get you up on the bed.
Just face your back to me.
Good girl.
Great.
It won't be long.
It's alright, darl.
Just breathe.
Hold my hand.
Hold my hand.
Get off the car.
Hey.
How cute's this nappy? You won't think it's so cute when it's full of meconium.
What's meconium? Didn't you learn anything? Not really.
What? He's really in there, isn't he? Yes.
She is.
Get off the car.
Get off the car.
She's got protein in her urine, and Hey.
Oh.
Hey.
It's all good in there? Yeah.
All good.
Oh, yeah? That's a lot of baby.
Mm-hm.
Almost a toddler.
Was Kelton OK? Yeah, yeah.
He was fine.
God, it's Dr Noonan.
Hey, well, take it.
Oh.
I just I'm gonna go.
Hello? No, no, no.
I was just I was just leaving work.
Uh, absolutely.
Um, yeah.
I'd like that very much.
Oh! Have you? OK.
That sounds very nice.
Um Yep.
Good.
Alright, well, I I'll see you then.
Bye.
That was quick.
He wants to have dinner tonight.
Tonight? Mm-hm.
You sure you're up to it tonight? I should I should just I mean, I just Shit! I wanted to talk to Dad first Darcy.
I mean, maybe I could just call him now.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll I could No, I'll wait.
I could wait till later.
Sorry.
You go.
Go.
G'day.
Hey.
Oh, congratulations.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Ground? Uh, yeah.
So, you must have one of these, uh, God complexes going on, yeah? Sorry? My wife and I expressly told you under no circumstances did we want an epidural.
Kelton, look, your wife was in real distress.
I understand you would've preferred to have You might've fooled Polly with your bullshit doctor tone, but I'm not in labour, so it's not gonna work on me.
OK.
Listen, mate.
It's been a pretty big couple of days, so why don't you just try and get some rest, huh? Just enjoy your son.
Don't, "Listen, mate" me, you patronising prick.
I'm not your mate.
Mm-hm.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi.
I'm Billie Proudman.
And today, I'm here to talk to you about real development in in sustainable dev-evel Sustained development in realis Fuck! Ladies and gentlemen, hi.
Billie Proudman.
Um, sustainable development.
That's a word that we It's actually it's two words.
For some of us, it's a phrase.
It's a phrase that we all hear, sometimes repeatedly.
And some of us know what it means and some of us don't.
And that's OK, because there's no shame in not knowing exactly what's going on all the time What the fuck am I talking about? Hey.
You're gonna be brilliant.
Oh.
You're gonna be the Barack Obama of trans-Tasman real estate conferences except you're white and a lady.
What was he talking about? Can we just drop it? OK.
I just don't understand.
Well, that makes two of us.
II mean, I know he wasn't thrilled about the epidural, but as soon as he saw that baby, he he was fine.
But he wasn't fine with me.
Oh.
Well, I don't get it.
Yeah.
I don't want to talk about whether or not he had a problem.
I don't really care.
I'm just gonna go for a run and clear my head.
Is that why people run? And I'll give you time to get ready for dinner.
Look, I can give you a lift if you, uh if you want to have a if you want to have a drink.
Don't do that.
Don't do what? Don't avoid me.
How can I be avoiding you? I'm trying to bring the conversation back to you.
Well, you're only doing that because you don't want to talk about what happened today.
Yeah.
That's because I already let it go.
But No, you haven't.
I'm trying to.
Hmm.
Are you? Funny way of showing it.
You know, there's a difference between letting go and shutting down.
I'm not shutting down.
I'm just not built like you.
I don't operate the way you do.
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, for fuck's sake.
What do you want me to say? I don't know.
Can we talk about it? Nina, I don't want to get home from my shitty day at work and then spend the whole night talking about my shitty day at work.
Why not? Because I'm not you, Nina! Dad, hi! I was just around the corner.
I'm sorry I missed your call.
Oh.
Yeah, I was You didn't leave a message.
No, 'cause I Come in.
Come in.
G'day, mate.
G'day.
Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting.
No.
No, no, no.
We were we were just We were just OK, I'll get it.
I thought I might just pop around and make things excruciating for you before you have dinner with your real father.
I thought I might just pop around and check out the new place.
Um, I didn't mean to catch you at a bad time.
No, Dad.
It's fine.
I come bearing gifts.
I thought I'd get you something practical and fresh for your new start.
Oh.
Mum, thank you.
You're welcome, darling.
Well, uh, I brought you a little something too.
Oh! Dad.
Oh, Dad.
You didn't you didn't have to.
Oh.
Ah.
Aha.
Oh.
So there'll always be light to banish the dark times.
Oh, please.
Well, cheers, everyone.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
So Jimmy was, uh, pretty pumped at the ultrasound the other day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hard to believe, isn't it? I know he's never been the most mature member of the family, but I really believe Jimmy's gonna be a terrific dad.
If he can manage to keep his pants on.
Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
Oh, please! It was one week! And I never would've done it if I hadn't walked in on you taking Margaret van Ray from behind.
Right.
Oh.
Sorry, everyone.
I actually have to go and get ready, because I have to be somewhere else.
Where are you going, darling? Uh, to Um Well, I was I was trying to call you, because I'm gonna go and have dinner with Dr Noonan.
Oh.
Right.
Right.
That's tremendous.
Dad, I'm I'm so sorry.
I know I said that I didn't want to, but he actually called me.
And I felt that I had to tell him.
You know, it just all happened at the last minute, and I'm so sorry.
No, no.
Of course, sweetheart.
You've got nothing to apologise for.
Billie, not a good time.
Just one question.
Could you be at the airport in the next 45 minutes to an hour? Huh? What? Why? How does five nights in New Zealand sound? All expenses paid.
Just you, me and 73 other real estate agents.
All you have to do is be at the airport in an hour.
The hotel has, like, three pools, Neens.
Mick! Get that.
No.
Billie, I'm having I'm having dinner with Dr Noonan.
Now? And I'm already late because of an unscheduled pop-in from Mum and Dad.
What, Mum AND Dad? Together? Mm-hm.
Well, did they know that you? They know now.
Oh, shit.
Are you OK? Well, if by OK, you mean terrified and confused, then yes.
You you didn't ask for any of this, Neens.
You don't owe anyone anything.
I'm hanging up now.
He looks as nervous as I feel.
Of course he does.
What must be going through his mind right now? Is it possible I'm genetically anxious? Hi! How are you going? I'm absolutely shitting myself.
Good.
Fine.
Thanks.
Are you dining with someone this evening? Yes.
O over Oh.
Ooh! Ooh! Nina.
Hi.
Ooh.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
It's something unexpected.
I think I was early.
Well Thanks for coming.
Thank YOU for coming.
You look lovely, Nina.
Thank you.
You're so much like your Mum.
Oh, am I? I've always thought I was more like my dad.
I can see a lot of your mum in you.
Can I get you something to drink? Yes, please.
I actually remember Billie.
Oh.
And that's our little brother, Jimmy.
He's actually gonna be a dad in a few months.
Ooh! Ah.
What a fine-looking family.
Uh, just, um Oh! Ooh! Oh! I'll just Aah! Careful.
Oh, here.
Oh, it's not working, you're just chasing it around.
Come on.
It's alright.
Just stop it with it.
It won't stop! Oh.
I'm so sorry.
It just It's OK.
Slipped out of my hand.
It's OK.
It's just a phone.
Yeah.
Everything is fine.
Well, I-I-I Excuse me.
Excuse me! Excuse me! It's hard not to think how different everything might've been if we'd all learned.
I'm sure Geraldine's told you all the details, but No.
No, she hasn't.
I don't really need to know the details at all.
Well, for what it's worth, for my part, anyway, there were real feelings involved, Nina.
I was very fond of your mother.
But, uh I've never had much luck in the romance department, overall.
So, you never married? No.
I came close.
Nearly married my bookkeeper.
But she turned out to be a little well, certifiably unstable.
A bit like your ex-husband.
Sorry? Who's having the banana fritters? Oh, that's me.
Thank you.
Yeah, and I had an emotionally crippling crush on a fellow doctor for a while.
Oh.
And you must be having the Chris Havel? Yes.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
How about you, Nina? Are you married? Do you have any? No.
No.
I was married.
Um, not anymore.
I am seeing someone.
We work together.
Um, we just moved in together, so Oh.
Congratulations.
Ah.
It must be nice to feel secure enough to take the plunge like that.
Oh.
We're not plunging.
We're not plungers.
We're just taking it one step at a time.
Well, here's to taking one step at a time.
Mm-hm.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, um I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier.
Oh.
Me too.
Well, that guy really upset me.
I had no right to take it out on you.
So, how'd it go? Oh, it was pretty overwhelming.
I don't know what I expected.
I tried not to expect anything.
But I was actually disappointed when he said that he didn't have any other kids.
As if I need any more family.
Well, he didn't want kids or it just didn't work out that way? It just didn't work out that way.
Do you want kids? Do you? One day.
Yeah, I don't know.
Thank you.
Our little baby.
You're crushing me a bit again.
So, uh, can you help? Why me? Because you know how to set stupid lyrics to music, and make it sound great.
Mick's had trouble conceiving and I'm the sperm donor.
We are standing in the most amazing sublet.
This is your home.
It's our home.
I was hoping to see Dr Noonan.
I knew a Proudman family once.
Uh, well, I knew a Geraldine Proudman.
She's my mother.
You never said you're his daughter? No! I couldn't.
I just bolted, like a madwoman.
Martin Clegg.
Good evening.
I'm Dr Martin Clegg, obstetrics PhD and author of the bestselling 'Messages from the Womb'.
In tonight's episode, we look at the unlikely coupling between a neurotic - at times, obsessive - obstetrician, a dark, self-flagellating anaesthetist, and the surprising happiness they've found together in their rustic yet charming inner-suburban dwelling.
Enjoy.
Hmm.
It was an interesting start.
When we first met, Nina actually hated me.
I didn't hate I didn't hate him.
Yeah, you did.
No.
I didn't.
It's hard to believe that in only a few short months, this unlikely pair have fallen so deeply in love.
Before Patrick came along, like, she had a really rough trot in the romance department.
That's putting it mildly.
But she never stopped believing.
But life hasn't always been smooth sailing for this unassuming Melbourne obstetrician.
She's had more than her fair share of romantic failure, invasive familial crisis, and crippling episodes of anxiety and self-loathing.
But through it all, Nina never lost sight of the dream and a healthy relationship with an incredibly hot, emotionally stable man.
Nina? Hmm? Where were you just now? Nowhere.
Just juicing.
Juicing.
Perfectly normal juicing.
So, how's Patrick coping? What do you mean? Well, you've been living together for a week now.
Point being? Well, you're pretty painful to live with, Neens.
Oh.
You survived.
I didn't have to work with you all day, and deal with you in the nude.
Can you knock next time?! Sorry.
Were you slouching? What? Were you or were you? I was probably slouching.
Well, I might've been doing this.
Either way, it's not ideal for the girls.
He's seen the girls, Billie.
He's quite familiar with the girls' work.
Mick's in the cave.
What? Man cave.
Oh.
He's wallowing.
In what? Rejection.
So, we're having drinks tomorrow after work with Tim and Andrew.
Why would I go and have drinks with a man that rejected me? OK.
Firstly, he didn't reject you.
He rejected your song, and not because it wasn't good.
Because it was Non-commercial.
Exactly.
And who wants to be commercial? You're proudly 'uncommercial'.
The girls are sore.
It's a good sign.
Or it could just be pre- I'm not going.
And then he just scuttled off back into his cave.
And whereabouts is that? It's not a real cave, Neens.
I am aware that man caves aren't actual caves, Billie.
I'm just wondering does he leave the house or? He doesn't actually go into a cave.
I understand that.
He just cracks the sads and shuts down.
So, at home? At home.
In the pub, in the car.
So, it's not weird, working together all day and living together? No.
Not at all.
We're respecting each other's space.
Respecting each other's space? Hmm.
Well, that's not good.
What? Why? Men are always with the space thing.
No.
Nuh.
Not this early.
You've spooked him already.
No, I haven't.
Well, have you brought up the big Ms mortgage, marriage, minors? No, no, and what? Minors - kids.
You haven't talked about kids? No.
Of course not.
It's way too early to have that conversation.
It would be if you were normal, but you're not normal people, Neens.
I mean, you're you, and Patrick's a man who's lost a baby.
You actually think that you're helping, don't you? OK.
It's going down, down.
No, no.
No.
It's going up.
It's definitely going down, baby.
Oh, no.
Trust me, baby.
It's definitely OK.
No, maybe it is going up.
OK.
Just breathe, honey.
You're doing really well.
Oh! Keep breathing.
Keep breathing.
Well done, darling.
Well done.
Water.
Have a drink.
Have a drink.
Good.
Well done.
So, Polly, you've done a very thorough birth plan.
That's me, actually.
I'm a planner, you know.
Know what you want.
Write it all down.
No confusion, yeah? Yeah, baby.
You're doing really, really well, sweetheart.
Billie Proudman.
Really? Mick? Out here! Guess what.
What? I have been invited to speak at a conference in New Zealand! Why? Well, Lachlan was meant to do it, but he can't.
Something about inflammation.
I don't know.
I wasn't really listening.
But he said there's no-one else he'd rather recommend.
But you hate public speaking.
I know.
But I've wrangled it so that you can come too.
What? Yeah.
I had to say you had some special needs, but I did it.
You're my plus-one.
All expenses paid.
Five nights in the picturesque North Island.
You can go to Hobbiton learn the haka.
I'm not gonna learn the haka.
Fine.
You can just stay in the hotel and watch porn all day.
I can do that here.
Yeah.
Well, not with room service.
Come on, Mick.
Well, there's nothing else for you to do.
You said yourself you're stagnating.
You can't break out of your creative crisis.
And your personal hygiene's suffering.
Is this a new technique of yours to just offend me into doing what you want? Depends.
Is it working? You know, you didn't have to wait.
Yeah, I know.
I just thought it might be nice to travel home together.
It was, but just for future reference, you don't have to wait.
Oh.
So I thought we could just chillax, get some takeaway.
Maybe see if that bath's big enough for the two of us.
"Chillax"? Yeah.
You know, chill out, relax.
What kind of takeaway? Whatever.
I'm easy.
Is that right? Mm-hm.
Come here.
Despite her being worryingly anal, he found her thoroughly irresistible, and he thought about touching her all the Hi! Happy housewarming! Hi.
Thanks.
It's a Oh, it's a bonsai.
Yes.
Hey.
Hey yourself.
My God! Hey, you.
What's up? Oh, don't panic.
We can't stay very long.
We've got a play date around the corner.
We just wanted to drop off your bonsai, and I've been gagging to see your new place.
Have you just? Oh, sorry.
Hello? Nina, it's Phillip Noonan.
Have I caught you at a bad time? No.
I know it's inappropriate for me to contact you, but I, uh had heard that your parents had separated, and I was wondering if Geraldine was OK.
Uh, yeah.
She's OK.
Good! That's excellent.
I was going to ask you for her number, but that'd put you in a very awkward position, wouldn't it? Uh, what? What? No.
Uh, yes.
Well, I could I guess I I could p-pass on your number.
I'd like that very much.
- I should really - Sorry.
- Um - I should go.
Well, then, uh, goodbye.
Goodbye.
Everything OK? That was Dr Noonan.
He wanted Mum's contact details.
He didn't want to put me in an awkward position.
I have to tell him.
If that's what you want.
I don't have a choice.
Actually, you do.
Really? What kind of person would I be if I lie about a thing like that? You're not lying, Nina.
Yes, I'm lying.
I'm lying by omission.
And it's not a little lie.
It's huge.
I have to tell him.
Now? Hey, I'm I'm sorry to just Hi.
I I'm sorry to disturb you.
I just No, not that.
Yeah, I'm hi.
Hi! I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
I am your bol I am your biological daughter.
I am your biological daughter! It's not ideal, I know! I know.
It's terrible.
"You're my biological father.
" That's it.
Say 'father'.
No.
It's shocking.
Yes, it is.
You're my biological father, so that's all.
Nina.
Oh, I'm sorry to turn up out of the blue like this.
I just What I Was Come in.
I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it.
You're my biological daughter.
Father! You're my biological father.
What? No.
That's Your mother and I only It was just the one time, and Are you sure? Well That's, um I'm sorry to just blurt it out like that.
Hmm.
I tend to blurt when I'm nervous.
Hmm.
Do you? I'm a bit of a blurter, myself.
Hmm.
Is this why the appointment? I didn't know what to do.
Well, no.
How could you? This is, um How long have you known? Just a few weeks.
Oh.
Ooh.
I'm sorry.
No.
I think it's me.
No, no, no.
That's me.
No, it's not Isn't it? Oh, it's me.
Hang on.
Sorry.
I've, um I've got an elderly patient and I I do home visits.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Um I'll just I really should let you go.
Well, uh, can we meet again? Is it OK if I, um call you? Yeah.
It's OK.
Voila.
Thanks, Andrew.
Pleasure.
So Mick and I are going to New Zealand.
What? Why? For work.
I'm giving a talk on sustainable development in real estate at a conference in front of people.
I'm gonna do a tour of Hobbiton.
Probably just lay in bed all day and watch hobbit porn.
Ugh! That's horrible.
Can you do tours of Hobbiton? Mm-hm.
Probably in costume.
Well, look, as hot as Mick would look dressed as a hobbit, I have to throw a spanner in the works here, because I want to offer you a gig playing keys for this fantastic singer I'm working with.
But you'd have to start straightaway.
Really? I thought my work was resolutely uncommercial.
Mick.
That guy had the musical sensibilities of an aerobics instructor.
Roseanne is different.
She's she's got class.
I mean, I know it's short notice and I know it stuffs up New Zealand, but I think you'd really enjoy working with her, Mick.
This girl - she can she can sing.
Yeah? He'll do it.
Have you met my manager? I'm sorry.
No.
Do it.
It was one of the strangest conversations I've ever had.
And I've had some strange conversations.
I know.
I'd like to think I've been part of that.
Go on.
What? You were talking.
Where was I? Mm-hm.
Strange conversations.
Um I just couldn't work out what he was thinking.
At one point I thought, "He's gonna run.
" Well, he didn't run.
He did look a bit like he'd been shot.
Well, you did the right thing.
And, you know, you could've taken the easy way out, and not said anything, but you didn't.
Thank you.
What for? Being here.
I'm Sheena.
I'm nearly 28 weeks.
And this is Dan.
Hey.
This is our first baby, and we're here because um, Dan's terrified, and I made him come.
OK, next.
Just make it quick.
We've got a few to get through.
I'm Larissa.
32 weeks.
This is my partner, Bobby.
Hi.
This is my first baby and Bobby's third.
Bobby's in here because he lost a coin toss three times in a row.
I tried.
Excellent.
Welcome aboard.
OK, so we're nearly there.
Hi.
I'm Jimmy.
Um, I'm not pregnant.
But I was having relations with someone who is pregnant.
I mean, she wasn't before we She is now.
Um, and she's decided to have the baby even though we're not together.
Um, which is her decision.
I was up for it.
But she said she didn't want to manufacture a connection, which is fair enough.
She's a midwife at this hospital, actually.
What? It's not it's not me.
So, um so, she doesn't have to come to this class.
But I thought I'd stick my head in, so to speak, 'cause I'm gonna be a dad.
Now, for the journey of birth.
Yes.
That's it, baby.
You're doing so well, Polly.
That's it.
Breathe it out.
Let it out, darling.
It's coming, baby.
You're doing so well.
So well.
Good girl.
Oh, Polly.
You've had such a long night.
Yeah.
Hey, do you want a drink now? Have a drink.
I just need to check your dilation.
Here.
Come on.
Let me help you, baby.
Just roll over for me.
Nice and slow.
There's no rush.
You want a drink? No.
Grape.
Grape.
Here you go.
OK.
Just relax.
- Oh.
- Sorry.
Good, baby.
Alright.
You're about 4cm to 5cm.
So, nearly halfway.
That can't be right.
We've been in labour for so long.
Just dilating very slowly.
The baby's showing no signs of distress.
It's just taking its time.
You're doing so well, sweetheart.
Do you want some ice? Come in.
Do you want to sit up? Polly, this is Patrick.
He's one of our anaesthetists.
Hi, Polly.
This is Kelton, Polly's husband.
G'day.
Hi.
I just wanted to see if I could answer any questions you might have about pain relief.
You mean epidural? Yeah.
That's one of the options.
You're doing so well, baby.
We're not interested.
Well, that's entirely up to you.
We just want a natural birth.
Sure.
Well, I'm around if you change your mind, or if you want to talk at all.
- Just let me or Nina know.
- Ow! Ow! Ow! Here we go.
Here we go.
That's it.
Ow! Let it out, Polly, OK? Let it out.
Come on.
Big breath and then Good girl.
Baby comes through there.
And you keep breathing, keep breathing, keep breathing, yeah? It comes out, and you keep breathing, keep breathing.
And then, eventually - Flop! - Oh.
Out comes your placenta, yeah? Any questions? OK.
So, this is a good position for the intense part of labour.
Soften your hips.
Relax.
Open your legs, Jimmy, and breathe.
Soften your hips.
They're soft.
Keep moving.
Keep moving, Jimmy.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Oh, I'm having another contraction.
OK, so, from the peak of contraction, again, in through the mouth, and Oooh.
Good.
One more time.
Oooh.
Excellent.
That pretty much covers breathing, yeah? It's not rocket science, is it? How hard should we be blowing out? I read it in one of the books that we should use a candle, and you pant just enough to make the flame flicker, but not enough to make it blow out, yeah? OK.
So, first of all, there's no 'we' in labour, yeah? And, secondly, I can tell you categorically, if you put a naked flame anywhere near a woman in labour, someone's gonna get very badly burnt.
And by 'someone', I mean you, Dan.
You with me? Good.
That pretty much covers it.
Any more questions? Excellent.
Now it's time for the DVD.
Oh, well done.
Well done.
Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up.
You're not gonna throw up.
It's OK.
Not a problem.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It happens all the time.
Nina, perfect timing.
Oh.
Oh, dear.
That's It's OK, baby.
You're doing great, sweetheart.
Here we have the birthing suite.
It's currently in use.
Just go away.
The smell.
What? Yeah.
We should get you cleaned up.
Well, I'm not leaving Polly.
No.
It's OK.
She's in good hands.
Are you sure? Yep.
OK.
I'll just be two minutes.
I'll just get clean.
Are you alright? OK.
I'll be two minutes.
Just get me the anaesthetist.
Oh.
Hi.
Should I? No.
Dr Reid's here.
Oh, please.
You need to help me.
Please.
I want an epidural now.
It's OK, Polly.
I can't do this.
I can't.
I thought I could do it for Kelton, but I can't take this anymore.
OK.
Well, we're gonna get you some relief, OK? No, no.
You have to do it while he's out of the room.
I can't do it if he's here.
OK.
Let's get you in the right position then, alright? Let's get you up on the bed.
Just face your back to me.
Good girl.
Great.
It won't be long.
It's alright, darl.
Just breathe.
Hold my hand.
Hold my hand.
Get off the car.
Hey.
How cute's this nappy? You won't think it's so cute when it's full of meconium.
What's meconium? Didn't you learn anything? Not really.
What? He's really in there, isn't he? Yes.
She is.
Get off the car.
Get off the car.
She's got protein in her urine, and Hey.
Oh.
Hey.
It's all good in there? Yeah.
All good.
Oh, yeah? That's a lot of baby.
Mm-hm.
Almost a toddler.
Was Kelton OK? Yeah, yeah.
He was fine.
God, it's Dr Noonan.
Hey, well, take it.
Oh.
I just I'm gonna go.
Hello? No, no, no.
I was just I was just leaving work.
Uh, absolutely.
Um, yeah.
I'd like that very much.
Oh! Have you? OK.
That sounds very nice.
Um Yep.
Good.
Alright, well, I I'll see you then.
Bye.
That was quick.
He wants to have dinner tonight.
Tonight? Mm-hm.
You sure you're up to it tonight? I should I should just I mean, I just Shit! I wanted to talk to Dad first Darcy.
I mean, maybe I could just call him now.
I don't know.
Maybe I'll I could No, I'll wait.
I could wait till later.
Sorry.
You go.
Go.
G'day.
Hey.
Oh, congratulations.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Ground? Uh, yeah.
So, you must have one of these, uh, God complexes going on, yeah? Sorry? My wife and I expressly told you under no circumstances did we want an epidural.
Kelton, look, your wife was in real distress.
I understand you would've preferred to have You might've fooled Polly with your bullshit doctor tone, but I'm not in labour, so it's not gonna work on me.
OK.
Listen, mate.
It's been a pretty big couple of days, so why don't you just try and get some rest, huh? Just enjoy your son.
Don't, "Listen, mate" me, you patronising prick.
I'm not your mate.
Mm-hm.
Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi.
I'm Billie Proudman.
And today, I'm here to talk to you about real development in in sustainable dev-evel Sustained development in realis Fuck! Ladies and gentlemen, hi.
Billie Proudman.
Um, sustainable development.
That's a word that we It's actually it's two words.
For some of us, it's a phrase.
It's a phrase that we all hear, sometimes repeatedly.
And some of us know what it means and some of us don't.
And that's OK, because there's no shame in not knowing exactly what's going on all the time What the fuck am I talking about? Hey.
You're gonna be brilliant.
Oh.
You're gonna be the Barack Obama of trans-Tasman real estate conferences except you're white and a lady.
What was he talking about? Can we just drop it? OK.
I just don't understand.
Well, that makes two of us.
II mean, I know he wasn't thrilled about the epidural, but as soon as he saw that baby, he he was fine.
But he wasn't fine with me.
Oh.
Well, I don't get it.
Yeah.
I don't want to talk about whether or not he had a problem.
I don't really care.
I'm just gonna go for a run and clear my head.
Is that why people run? And I'll give you time to get ready for dinner.
Look, I can give you a lift if you, uh if you want to have a if you want to have a drink.
Don't do that.
Don't do what? Don't avoid me.
How can I be avoiding you? I'm trying to bring the conversation back to you.
Well, you're only doing that because you don't want to talk about what happened today.
Yeah.
That's because I already let it go.
But No, you haven't.
I'm trying to.
Hmm.
Are you? Funny way of showing it.
You know, there's a difference between letting go and shutting down.
I'm not shutting down.
I'm just not built like you.
I don't operate the way you do.
What's that supposed to mean? Oh, for fuck's sake.
What do you want me to say? I don't know.
Can we talk about it? Nina, I don't want to get home from my shitty day at work and then spend the whole night talking about my shitty day at work.
Why not? Because I'm not you, Nina! Dad, hi! I was just around the corner.
I'm sorry I missed your call.
Oh.
Yeah, I was You didn't leave a message.
No, 'cause I Come in.
Come in.
G'day, mate.
G'day.
Uh, I hope I'm not interrupting.
No.
No, no, no.
We were we were just We were just OK, I'll get it.
I thought I might just pop around and make things excruciating for you before you have dinner with your real father.
I thought I might just pop around and check out the new place.
Um, I didn't mean to catch you at a bad time.
No, Dad.
It's fine.
I come bearing gifts.
I thought I'd get you something practical and fresh for your new start.
Oh.
Mum, thank you.
You're welcome, darling.
Well, uh, I brought you a little something too.
Oh! Dad.
Oh, Dad.
You didn't you didn't have to.
Oh.
Ah.
Aha.
Oh.
So there'll always be light to banish the dark times.
Oh, please.
Well, cheers, everyone.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
So Jimmy was, uh, pretty pumped at the ultrasound the other day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hard to believe, isn't it? I know he's never been the most mature member of the family, but I really believe Jimmy's gonna be a terrific dad.
If he can manage to keep his pants on.
Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.
Oh, please! It was one week! And I never would've done it if I hadn't walked in on you taking Margaret van Ray from behind.
Right.
Oh.
Sorry, everyone.
I actually have to go and get ready, because I have to be somewhere else.
Where are you going, darling? Uh, to Um Well, I was I was trying to call you, because I'm gonna go and have dinner with Dr Noonan.
Oh.
Right.
Right.
That's tremendous.
Dad, I'm I'm so sorry.
I know I said that I didn't want to, but he actually called me.
And I felt that I had to tell him.
You know, it just all happened at the last minute, and I'm so sorry.
No, no.
Of course, sweetheart.
You've got nothing to apologise for.
Billie, not a good time.
Just one question.
Could you be at the airport in the next 45 minutes to an hour? Huh? What? Why? How does five nights in New Zealand sound? All expenses paid.
Just you, me and 73 other real estate agents.
All you have to do is be at the airport in an hour.
The hotel has, like, three pools, Neens.
Mick! Get that.
No.
Billie, I'm having I'm having dinner with Dr Noonan.
Now? And I'm already late because of an unscheduled pop-in from Mum and Dad.
What, Mum AND Dad? Together? Mm-hm.
Well, did they know that you? They know now.
Oh, shit.
Are you OK? Well, if by OK, you mean terrified and confused, then yes.
You you didn't ask for any of this, Neens.
You don't owe anyone anything.
I'm hanging up now.
He looks as nervous as I feel.
Of course he does.
What must be going through his mind right now? Is it possible I'm genetically anxious? Hi! How are you going? I'm absolutely shitting myself.
Good.
Fine.
Thanks.
Are you dining with someone this evening? Yes.
O over Oh.
Ooh! Ooh! Nina.
Hi.
Ooh.
I'm sorry I'm so late.
It's something unexpected.
I think I was early.
Well Thanks for coming.
Thank YOU for coming.
You look lovely, Nina.
Thank you.
You're so much like your Mum.
Oh, am I? I've always thought I was more like my dad.
I can see a lot of your mum in you.
Can I get you something to drink? Yes, please.
I actually remember Billie.
Oh.
And that's our little brother, Jimmy.
He's actually gonna be a dad in a few months.
Ooh! Ah.
What a fine-looking family.
Uh, just, um Oh! Ooh! Oh! I'll just Aah! Careful.
Oh, here.
Oh, it's not working, you're just chasing it around.
Come on.
It's alright.
Just stop it with it.
It won't stop! Oh.
I'm so sorry.
It just It's OK.
Slipped out of my hand.
It's OK.
It's just a phone.
Yeah.
Everything is fine.
Well, I-I-I Excuse me.
Excuse me! Excuse me! It's hard not to think how different everything might've been if we'd all learned.
I'm sure Geraldine's told you all the details, but No.
No, she hasn't.
I don't really need to know the details at all.
Well, for what it's worth, for my part, anyway, there were real feelings involved, Nina.
I was very fond of your mother.
But, uh I've never had much luck in the romance department, overall.
So, you never married? No.
I came close.
Nearly married my bookkeeper.
But she turned out to be a little well, certifiably unstable.
A bit like your ex-husband.
Sorry? Who's having the banana fritters? Oh, that's me.
Thank you.
Yeah, and I had an emotionally crippling crush on a fellow doctor for a while.
Oh.
And you must be having the Chris Havel? Yes.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
How about you, Nina? Are you married? Do you have any? No.
No.
I was married.
Um, not anymore.
I am seeing someone.
We work together.
Um, we just moved in together, so Oh.
Congratulations.
Ah.
It must be nice to feel secure enough to take the plunge like that.
Oh.
We're not plunging.
We're not plungers.
We're just taking it one step at a time.
Well, here's to taking one step at a time.
Mm-hm.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey, um I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier.
Oh.
Me too.
Well, that guy really upset me.
I had no right to take it out on you.
So, how'd it go? Oh, it was pretty overwhelming.
I don't know what I expected.
I tried not to expect anything.
But I was actually disappointed when he said that he didn't have any other kids.
As if I need any more family.
Well, he didn't want kids or it just didn't work out that way? It just didn't work out that way.
Do you want kids? Do you? One day.
Yeah, I don't know.