Party of Five s03e04 Episode Script
Deal With It
COOPER: I think I was using too much wrist.
BAILEY: No, no.
I think your problem was you were using too much beer.
Nonsense.
No such thing.
Yeah, well, I'm not so sure the girl who-- Whose backpack you puked into would agree.
Ew, Cooper, that's disgusting.
It wasn't in her backpack.
It was near her backpack.
No.
It was on her backpack.
It wasn't my fault.
We were all-- One minute we were all playing a game, the next minute, everyone's ganging up on me.
Yeah? That happens when you're not on top of your quarters game.
You become the sacrificial lamb.
I was rusty, okay? Get me a glass.
Yeah.
[LOVE SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[CRACKLES.]
[RAP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
JULIA: Who switched that? Hey, Julia.
SARAH: This is-- This is Cooper, Bailey's new friend.
Cooper, this is Julia, Bailey's old sister.
Ha-ha.
How old? Old enough.
I was listening to that.
Yeah, well, if I have to hear one more girl whine into a thin acoustic riff, I'm gonna strangle her.
BAILEY: All right.
Hey, Jule, did you, uh--? Did you meet? Oh, met.
Offended.
We're old friends now.
Here, give me that.
Ah, it's too quiet to concentrate.
[LAUGHS.]
[TURNS UP.]
* And just the other day * * They tried to kill me * [RAP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
I'll tell 'em to turn it down.
[SIGHS.]
It's okay.
I'm sure they'll go to bed in a little while.
[ALL CHEERING.]
Hey! I've got an idea.
You keep hanging out with Cooper.
He'll keep throwing up on girls and that'll take care of whoever's interested in you.
Don't be sure.
The throwing-up thing can be a real turn on.
[LAUGHS.]
JULIA: Is there a technique? Yes, you throw the quarter and hope it goes in.
No, there must be a way.
I mean, what if you think a little bit about vectors? Well, if you think a little bit about vectors, then you'd be tragic because this is a drinking game.
We're not in Physics lab.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Go.
Julia.
Julia.
[LAUGHS.]
Julia.
[ALL CHANTING.]
Julia, Julia, Julia.
Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Ju-- [ALL CHEERING.]
[SHRIEKS.]
[CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYING.]
[JULIA LAUGHS.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FIVE" PLAYING.]
* Everybody wants to live * * Like they wanna live * * And everybody wants to love * * Like they wanna love * * Everybody wants to be * * Closer to free-ee-ee-ee * * Closer to free * [WATER RUNNING.]
CHARLIE: I'm not saying you can't have people over.
BAILEY: Oh, really? That's what it sounds like.
No, I'm just saying yelling till 4:00 in the morning isn't cool.
Chow down, sport.
Hey, what time did you go to bed when you were in college? Totally different.
I lived in the dormitory.
Wow.
Lucky you.
What's with the water? It never got hot.
Yeah, the water heater's busted.
Now you tell me.
So there's no hot water at all? Repair guy's coming this afternoon, so someone should be here.
Hey, Jule, what was the name of that bookstore you said sells used textbooks? Bower Books, Market and 10th.
Why? Cooper and I missed out on a few at the campus store.
Gotta scavenge.
Oh.
Well, I'm kind of looking for some stuff too, so maybe I can come with you? Don't even think about it, Julia.
You're not his type.
Hey, Bay, hang on a second.
Listen, um, about the noise Look, I'm not asking for myself, okay? I'm asking for Kirsten.
She's still pretty depressed.
You mean about her Ph.
D.
stuff? Yeah.
You know, that was a-- It was a big blow.
Is it serious? No.
It's nothing to worry about.
She's gonna be fine.
It's just she's having a little trouble sleeping and eating.
But you don't need to worry.
I'm only mentioning it so we can try to keep things down a bit.
Okay? 'Cause that's all she needs, is a little peace and quiet.
[CLAUDIA SCREAMS.]
What the hell was that? Claudia? The shower is freezing.
[GASPS.]
Hey, you're up.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
What you reading? Oh, um What are you up to today? You have your shrink, right? No, that's tomorrow.
Really? So you don't have anything going on? Hard to believe, huh? Well, hey, that's-- That's great.
'Cause since you're free, I could really use your help.
I still don't have a new hostess for the restaurant, so I was thinking You want me to work at Salinger's? Not as a new career path or anything.
Just to help me out for a few days.
[SIGHS.]
I know what you're doing, Charlie.
You don't need my help.
Okay, look, yes, this is for you, but [SIGHS.]
I really think this could be a good thing.
'Cause think about it: You'd get out of the house, you'd start hanging out with people a little.
Who knows? Maybe all this stuff, this whole dissertation nightmare might start to seem a little less Not that it's not important, but I just think a different perspective couldn't hurt.
[SIGHS.]
I don't-- I just don't feel like it.
Of course you don't now.
Heh.
You've been in those sweats for three days.
But I swear, if you get up and you take a shower-- A coldish one.
Heh.
--and you come to work with me, you will feel so much better.
Please, won't you just try it? Come on.
I'll wash your back.
And your front, if you want.
No loud parties at your house means we'll have to hang out on campus.
It's no big deal.
But at the end of the night, I gotta get behind the wheel.
So What? No Jagermeister luges for the kid? I'm not that-- Jagermeister luges are my reasons for living.
Yeah, well, a fellow's gotta have his options.
Exactly? Mm-hm.
Whoa.
Rocks for Jocks, huh? Impressive.
Hey, did I ask? COOPER: Why don't you--? Don't you crash at my room whenever you want? Really? Yeah, yeah.
You can use the floor.
Here.
Extra key.
Wow.
This is great, man.
No sweat.
Twenty-two, sixty-five.
Well, we'll use the old signal.
Necktie on the door: Band's rocking, don't bother knocking.
Right.
Speaking of which, we're late for that health-center thing.
Are you coming? Mm.
No.
Abstinence and condoms.
I got it.
All right.
I'll catch you.
Catch you later.
Oh, let me guess.
Tight end? Hm.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, excuse me, where's your biography section? CLERK: Does it look like your turn? Julia? Oh, hey, uh-- Hey.
--Cooper.
Yeah.
Oh, you just missed Bailey.
No kidding.
Huh.
Um, so, what are you getting? Oh, ju-- That's not for me.
That's for my mom, you know.
Couple autographed copies.
See.
Don't tell anybody, but I'm Cliff.
[GIGGLES.]
Did you drive here? Um, uh, yeah, I-I have my, uh, car-like thing.
What are the odds on you dropping me back off at the campus? Oh, uh Oh, the vomit story, huh? What vomit story? Oh, n-nothing.
Never mind.
Heh.
[GRUNTS.]
[METAL RATTLES.]
Well, you can fix it, right? Oh, I could, but you don't want me to.
Trust me, the six people that live in this house are gonna get very stinky very fast.
I want you to.
[SIGHS.]
No, no, no.
See, if I replace the busted parts, you're still gonna be looking at a 23-year-old heater.
Decent odds, you're gonna have the same situation in another month.
Hang on a sec.
Bailey? Julia? Darn.
Okay.
Um, what? Well, I'd replace the whole thing.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so do that.
[SIGHS.]
Well, there's a few more factors to consider.
Let's see.
Well-- Heh.
Your pipes-- Ah, your pipes are corroding.
Yeah, you've already sprung a couple of leaks over here.
So what? You think we need to get new ones of those put in too? Yeah, I would.
Get a whole new system.
Package deal.
Better price.
CLAUDIA: Anyone? Okay.
Just-- Just-- Just do the whole thing.
Sorry.
I don't do pipes.
Just heaters.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING DISTANTLY.]
Coop? Coop, are you here? [SNIFFS.]
Whoa.
That not-so-fresh feeling.
[SNIFFS.]
Thank you.
And this is-- Ta-da! Your typical freshman guy's living space.
Huh.
You're a Rauschenberg fan? A what? Rauschenberg, the artist.
Oh, that.
Ooh.
Moral dilemma here.
I could say yes, but that would be a lie.
My sister got me that when I left home.
She thought that, you know, girls would think it was more sophisticated.
Oh.
Well? [GIGGLES.]
Uh, well, um, it's slightly undermined by the Skivvies on the bed.
You think so? Yeah.
Oh, well, I'll just [SIGHS.]
You know, I guess the truth is that any sophisticated girl would see right through that in a second and split, right? Well, yeah, maybe.
But, um, then again, maybe not.
Maybe not? Huh? Whoa.
[BAILEY LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
Whoa.
Can you get a bottle of Dom Perignon over to Table 8.
Fortieth anniversary.
[PHONE RINGS.]
KIRSTEN: Welcome to Salinger's.
This way.
[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
KIRSTEN: We have specials tonight.
Um, there's a great veal tonnato.
That comes with grilled vegetables and saffron rice.
KIRSTEN: We also have Oh, sorry.
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
[SOBBING.]
You guys are totally wrong for each other.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Look, this is a guy who eats everything with his fingers.
Everything.
Ham, vegetables, salad.
Oh, not salad.
And all he listens to is rap.
You hate rap.
Bailey, you haven't even come close to a germ of a logical argument yet.
I'm just saying it's a big mistake.
[GROANS.]
Okay, look, forget that other stuff.
The fact is he's my friend, period.
I got him first.
Oh, dibsies.
Hey, I can tell you not to date my friends.
That's allowed.
Oh, I-I-I'm sorry.
Your girlfriend is who? Totally different.
[GROANS.]
Sarah wasn't a new friend.
You'd known her forever.
[SIGHS.]
All right.
The truth is I don't want you around all that much.
I had to go to school with you for three years.
I'm allowed to want you outta my face.
Who says I'm gonna be in your face? Of course you will.
You guys, I have a question.
BAILEY: Of course you will.
I mean, his room is kinda my room, so I think it's fair for me to say that I don't want you there.
It's about the water heater.
It may be kinda your room, Bay, but it's actually his, which means he can ask whomever he wants over, including me.
The guy said it's a big problem.
If you can't deal with that, then maybe you should find someone else to mooch a room off of.
Jerk.
CLAUDIA: Bay.
I'm busy, okay? [SIGHS.]
CHARLIE: Seemed like you slept real hard last night.
You did, didn't you? Uh-huh.
God, that must make such a huge difference.
I love that, the way a good night's sleep can just totally change your mood.
Listen, um, I gotta meet this seafood guy, so I'll pick you up before the dinner shift at 5.
I can't at 5.
My shrink.
Oh, right.
Good.
Good.
Tell you what.
Uh There's a coffee cake downstairs.
I'll, um-- I'll cut you a big piece and throw it in the oven.
That way it'll be hot for you when you get down there.
Okay.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
BAILEY: It's bigger than a dorm room.
It's not the, uh, cleanest place ever.
Look, well, hey, it's not the dirtiest either.
And even if it were, it beats crashing at Cooper's place these days, all things considered.
So, anyway, you'd have the, uh, living room.
Nice.
Cool view.
How long a walk is it to campus? About 10 minutes, maybe a little bit longer when you're hung over.
I gotta spit.
Look around.
Well, he's a charmer.
Hey, as long as he doesn't wanna date Julia, he's cool with me.
Ahem.
So, what's the rent? Nothing.
Like 215 a month.
I could take it out of my summer pay and still chip in at home.
You know what? You could put the futon right here.
Yeah.
And maybe, like, line up some milk crates over here and-- And hang a tapestry, you know, for privacy.
Mmm.
Martha Stewart, look out.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ray, where were you? I waited for you for an hour and a half.
Where? At the co-op.
You were supposed to pick me up.
I had to walk a mile and a half with these stupid squashes.
I don't remember you saying anything.
Well, I did.
I said to pick me up at 2, so I wouldn't be late for yoga.
God.
Uh Excuse me.
Heh.
Who are you? I'm Bailey Salinger.
They're here looking at the place.
Oh, uh, I'm Callie.
Please excuse.
You live here too? Yeah, it's my lease.
I'm sorry.
We don't have room for two people.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It's just-- Just me alone.
She's not Uh, this is, um-- This is Sarah and, uh, she's not Oh, okay, then.
So, uh, what do you think? Uh CALLIE: You know we're not-- We're not usually yelling like this, if that's a problem.
Oh, no.
No, it's not that.
It's just, um-- It's actually a little more than-- Than I was hoping to pay, so Okay.
But, um, thanks anyway.
RAY: Whatever.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
So I gotta talk to Cooper.
Hey.
Hey.
You're half an hour late.
I am? Oh, I am.
Oops.
I'm sorry.
Are--? Are you--? You pissed? Well, sure.
It's 30 minutes.
Well, see, you know, that-- That could be a problem because I'm-- I'm, like, always late.
Oh, okay.
Well, then, now that I know that, I-I'll be late too.
Well, a thing like that could be a problem on down the line.
Oh? That sounds like it's supposed to mean something, Cooper.
No.
No, it's nothing.
Would you--? You ever been dating somebody and found something out and said, "I wish I would've known that in the beginning, because I would've never been involved with them?" So, are--? Are you saying that because you were late y-you don't think we should go out? It's not just the lateness.
It's-- It's other stuff.
We, like, have a lot not in common.
Like? [SIGHS.]
Like, um music.
You like to listen to that girl music, and I like rap.
And, I mean, another thing: I-- My manners.
I'm-- They're like garbage, you know.
I, uh-- I eat with my hands.
You're pretty polite.
Don't you think that would make you crazy? Oh, my God.
Look, don't get me wrong.
I think you're completely cool, but-- But I-I'm also Bailey's sister, and he told you to back off.
Wow.
[SIGHS.]
Y-you know, I-I wasn't sure what to expect from you, Cooper, but, um a spine would've been nice.
Kirsten.
CLAUDIA: Charlie.
Hey, Charlie, I need to ask you something.
Did Kirsten come home? I don't think so.
Charlie, listen, okay.
The guy came.
You know, the water guy.
And he said he can't fix it 'cause it's, like, way too old.
And, well, we need a whole new thing.
So have him do it.
He can't do it.
He doesn't do pipes, but he gave me some names.
All right.
I'll tell you what: Um, call and ask for bids.
CHARLIE: Kirsten! But Bids? Kirsten? [KIRSTEN SOBBING.]
[***.]
Kirsten.
Kirsten, what happened? Are you okay? What's--? [SOBS.]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Charlie, I-- I just-- I just-- I couldn't get dressed.
[SOBS.]
[SIGHS.]
I thought you were feeling better.
I mean, you said you slept.
You said I slept.
You didn't tell me I was wrong.
You didn't wanna hear it.
Hey, that's not true.
I love you, and if you're sad or sick, I wanna know.
I wanna make it better.
I know.
You wanna put me in the restaurant and restore my lust for life.
I only did that 'cause I thought it would help.
Well, it doesn't.
It just makes it worse.
Okay.
Okay.
So, what can I do? You can stop telling me I'm okay, because I'm not.
I keep thinking, if I just sleep, I'll wake up better.
But I can't sleep, because when I lie down, I can't breathe.
God, all I can feel is this My thoughts, none of them stick.
I can't-- I-I start-- I start to think about something, l-like buttoning my shirt, and I start to do up the first button and this I just feel like I've lost something.
You have.
Your-- Your job.
No.
No, not that.
It's inside.
I feel like I've lost something inside.
And I can't-- I-- I can't finish buttoning my shirt until I find it.
Only it's not there.
It's gone.
Look, um This is You seem a little, uh I'm thinking that maybe we should give your folks a call.
No.
Absolutely not.
Then Then you have to go see your psychiatrist.
[WHISPERS.]
How can I? I can't even [SIGHS.]
[GIRL GIGGLING.]
Uh, you know, I didn't even see that.
[COOPER LAUGHS.]
Julia.
Hey, Bay.
What are you--? Doing? Um, we were just looking at Cooper's yearbook.
Ha-ha.
Did you know that he was voted most the likely to violate a federal law and get away with it? I thought-- I mean, I'm surprised.
I thought we talked about this.
Um, no.
Actually, you and I talked about it, and then you totally went behind my back.
Hey, I had a conversation with a friend.
I'm allowed to do that.
Hey, hold on, guys.
Not when it's about me.
Not when it's about stuff that you and I already resolved.
Resolved? You call ignoring me and walking out on our conversation a resolution? Man, Julia.
Okay.
So now you're mad at me? I can't believe you, Bailey.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
This is-- This is just stupid, okay? And since this is my room, I guess I get to be the grown-up.
COOPER: So you gotta go.
What? I totally value you as a friend, but I also dig your sister, and we might be hanging out more, and it's obvious that you think this is a big deal.
So I think the best way for us to remain friends is, you know, you can't crash here anymore.
I mean, it seems like the only logical solution.
Well Right.
I mean, can't argue logic.
Catch ya.
All right.
Here's what ya got.
Couple hundred in materials, one day of labor.
You're looking at about 3000 bucks.
That's with a five-year warranty, extendable up to a full 10.
[KNOCK.]
Oh, wow.
Yeah, looking for Claudia.
Yep, that's me.
Hey.
Hey.
Um, it's down here.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's down there? The heater.
Duh.
You just saw it.
Sweetheart, we're talking here.
We're doin' business.
This is your job? No.
He just said-- Yeah, it's mine.
What do you think? I do this for fun? No, but, look, I-I didn't say you were hired or anything.
Hey, there is an assumption.
I mean, we're talking price.
We're in negotiations.
You called me over here and you already have a plumber? No, I don't have a plumber.
Yes, she has a plumber.
I could have another job.
Gonna charge you for an estimate.
You didn't even look in the basement.
I'm not taking his job.
It's not his job.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
This the Salinger house? Yeah.
I'm Tommy, the water guy.
[GROANS.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GIGGLES.]
What are you doing? Checking your lifting muscles.
I'm gonna need some help moving my boxes.
What boxes? Where? My stuff boxes.
To the apartment.
I decided to take it.
You what? Yeah.
See, I've thought a lot about this, and it makes total sense, 'cause Julia and Cooper-- Whatever.
That'll never work.
But he's gonna have other girlfriends, right? And he's gonna want his privacy.
And let's face it, you and I want our privacy too.
So the answer is to move in with a nubile exhibitionist? I don't think so.
Okay.
First of all, she's not nubile.
I bet that was the only pair of underwear she owns that isn't a thong.
And I'm not moving in with her.
I'm moving in with her and her boyfriend.
She has a boyfriend.
They're a couple.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? Th-then why can't he stop her from walking around half naked? Because it doesn't matter.
I've seen attractive girls in their underwear before.
It's not a big deal.
Oh, so you think she's attractive? No.
It doesn't-- No.
Look, who cares? Maybe she is and maybe she isn't.
Yeah, well, she is.
Okay.
Let's say she is.
Let's say she's off-the-charts gorgeous.
It doesn't matter.
I love you, Sarah.
And I am probably more attracted to you than you wanna know.
I'm so attracted to you that if someone dropped Michelle Pfeiffer naked in my lap, all it would do is make me think of you.
So So don't worry about Callie.
Honestly, she's just some semi-insane girl who isn't you.
Okay? Okay.
Okay.
You carry the heavy stuff.
Heh.
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
JULIA: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Are you saying you don't like traveling? Yeah.
What's the point? I mean, Americans go to France.
The French go to Japan.
The Japanese, they come here.
It's like musical chairs, only it's with cameras.
Well, yeah.
But-- But there's so much you can learn from other cultures.
Like what? Like-- Like Rome.
I mean, it's-- It's been a city for more than 2000 years.
And? And that's interesting.
Why? Why is that so interesting? That's-- That's like asking why a sunset's beautiful.
I-it just is.
Oh, don't get me started on sunsets.
But you don't like sunsets? I just don't understand what the big deal is.
I mean, they happen every single day.
I swear, sometimes I think people just like things because they're told to.
You're saying I like sunsets and traveling because I've been told to? Oh, no.
Not you.
I mean, maybe you.
[SIGHS.]
That wasn't my point.
So, uh, what--? What do you like? I like underrated things.
Um, Denny's on my birthday.
If it's your birthday, it's free.
You didn't know that? [STAMMERS.]
No.
No.
I just [CHUCKLES.]
[GROANS.]
I'm-- I'm sorry, Cooper, but are you--? Are we having a good time? Well, I don't think we've exactly hit our stride.
'Cause please don't take this the wrong way, but I-- I'm starting to think that maybe I'm here for the wrong reasons.
What do you mean? Well, it's not that you're not nice and-- And fun.
You are.
It's just I don't know.
Heh.
I'm-- I'm just feeling I'm starting to think that part of the reason that I wanted to go out with you is because Bailey told me not to.
A spite thing.
I'll show you.
I'll date who I want.
Yeah, maybe.
BAILEY: Shove.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Perfect.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, hey.
Hey, check it out.
Look, you can see the moon through those trees.
I think that's a streetlight.
Oh.
Well, hey, check it out.
You can see the streetlight through those trees.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Sorry.
Callie? BAILEY: Um I don't mean to pry or anything, but are you okay? [DOOR OPENS.]
Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.
Oh, God, I'm just-- I'm just so stupid, you know? I really hate myself sometimes.
Oh, um CALLIE: God, why couldn't I see what a jerk he was? [SIGHS.]
Who? Ray? You could probably tell, right? I bet you you'd never go out with someone like that.
Well, you know, Ray's not really my type.
What? You don't like dirtbag losers? So you guys had a fight? No.
Uh, he just, uh-- [SNIFFLES.]
He just dumped me.
CALLIE: Didn't you notice all of his stuff's gone? He moved out? He moved out.
CALLIE: Yeah, and you know who he moved in with? The other girl he was sleeping with.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
CALLIE: You wanna know the worst thing? The girl? She was my roommate last year.
I thought she was my friend.
CALLIE: The thing is, I don't really have a lot of friends, you know? [CALLIE SOBS.]
[CALLIE SNIFFLES.]
CHARLIE: The thing is, I know all about patient-doctor confidence, so I'm not gonna ask you about what she's told you or anything.
I just-- I think you should know what's going on with her, 'cause, you see, she's-- She's not herself.
She's in bed all day, but she-- She doesn't sleep ever or-- Or eat either.
She just lies there.
Well, that's how depression often manifests itself, Charlie.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
So, what can she do to get better? Should she maybe go back on medication, 'cause that worked before, right? Medication might help, yes.
Good.
Okay, good, so But keep in mind, it could take up to six weeks to become effective.
Six weeks? Sometimes, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, see, that-- That's-- That's too long.
That-- That's way too long.
You're talking about November.
She can't go on like this until November.
She's suffering.
You have to-- You have to figure out something that'll work faster or-- Or-- Or make her come in here everyday.
Or whatever you have to do to get her better before then.
She's gotta get better before then.
I mean, I have to know this isn't gonna go on for six more weeks.
Why, Charlie? What? Why do you need to know that? You know, I can just-- I can take the bus.
Cooper, my car is right over there.
It's a pretty cool car too.
My old boyfriend gave it to me.
Ah, love of your life? No.
No.
I-I-I don't think I believe in that anymore.
I mean, the idea of having one love in your life.
I mean, I've been in love.
Heh.
Yeah.
Me too.
Really? Why are you so surprised? I don't know.
I don't know.
You just seem You know, I'm sorry.
So, what did you love about her? Beats me.
I was driving home one night, and she was walking home in the rain without a coat.
Offered her a lift.
She leaned down to the car window to talk.
Rain was running down her face.
She said, "No, thanks.
I'd rather walk.
" Boom.
I was a goner.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's so weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's like someone else decides you to feel this.
So you do.
Until they decide you shouldn't anymore, so you stop.
Or until she stops.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
We should probably Oh.
Or-- Or we could keep walking a little.
Do you--? Do you wanna walk? Yeah.
It's nice out.
I'm still a little full from the guacamole.
A-and you look pretty great in this light.
Are you serious? Not usually.
Heh-heh.
But maybe.
How long have you been standing there? Couple of minutes.
[SIGHS.]
Not long.
Why didn't you say something? I almost did.
A few-- No, lots, actually.
Actually, lots of times.
CHARLIE: But everything I wanted to say was-- Well, I almost said there's pasta downstairs.
I could heat it up.
And, hey, I-I picked up a movie on the way home.
You wanna watch it? But, uh But that would put pressure on you, right? Pressure to-- To watch the movie and-- And pressure to eat the pasta, and that's not what you need.
It's what I need so that I can-- I can feel like you're okay, so I won't have to worry about you.
[CHARLIE SIGHS.]
I mean, it sounds nice.
Hey, sweetie, I got a movie, but it's not.
I know it's not.
So I was-- I was just standing there, trying to think of something to say that wasn't selfish, that wasn't for me.
And, uh, it was takin' a while.
[CHUCKLES.]
Then you turned around.
How are you? You're great, Charlie.
No, I'm not.
[***.]
Yeah, you are.
This is-- This is awful.
I'm awful, but you're so good.
Don't say that, okay? Don't say that I'm good.
I'm gonna, um, get dinner going for-- For Claud and Owen.
Um, you can come or-- Or not.
Up to you.
I love you.
I can take this, right? Nobody uses it.
I do.
Hey, Bay, I need you to write a check.
For what? The water guy.
He came already? Yep.
It's all fixed.
We'll have hot water in two hours.
All thanks to me.
Wait a minute.
This says 3000 bucks.
That's not what it cost, is it? Well, yeah.
What? Are you kidding? How could it cost that much? 'Cause, you know, the-- The water thing.
Uh, th-they had to put in a whole new thing.
A new what? CLAUDIA: New everything.
You know, the heater thing a-a-a-nd the pipes.
We didn't need new pipes.
Well, the guy said we did.
Well, of course he said we did, Claudia.
God, Claudia, how could you agree to this without asking any of us? Hey, I asked.
I mean, no one would listen.
All Charlie said was get bids.
Well, "get bids" doesn't mean hire the guy.
You should know that.
How? How should I know that, Bailey? I'm 13.
Did you know about bids when you were 13? I really doubt it.
Okay, Claudia, just calm down.
No, you know what? You calm down.
I'm the only one who took time to fix the heater.
And, okay, I mean, I understand maybe Charlie has stuff to deal with and maybe you do too.
If this is how it's gonna be, if you're gonna dump all the home repair on me at 13, then you don't get to complain if I don't do it right.
No, no.
You just don't, and if you don't like that, next time, do it yourself.
Claudia's mad.
You know what amazes me? That I actually lived with a guy who owned one pair of socks.
Ray only had one pair of socks? Yeah.
And the rest of his hygiene routine is completely consistent with that.
[CALLIE GROANS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
MAN: Yo, Callie.
[SIGHS.]
Who's that? Spence Kramer.
I made out with him once last fall.
Guess he heard about me and Ray.
Well, here I go, back into the fire.
Save my seat.
Well she certainly bounces back fast.
What's with you? Gee, I wonder.
What? Callie? You're not actually mad 'cause she's here, are you? Well, given that I didn't want you living with her, do you really think I want her around? Her boyfriend just broke up with her, Sarah.
Have a little compassion.
[SCOFFS.]
It's amazing how you can make insensitivity sound so nice.
I'm insensitive? Me? Man, Sarah, I finally find a place, one that I can afford, with-- With a roommate who actually seems pretty cool, and you don't try and enjoy it for me.
Given the details, can you blame me? Yes, I can, because I have never given you a reason not to trust me, ever.
So I really don't think it's fair for you to guilt trip me like this because I'm-- Because I'm friends with my roommate.
So I'm supposed to be happy? Yes, you are.
And if you can't be happy, then you should fake it.
[GIGGLES.]
[SIGHS.]
Come on, let's go.
Oh, hey.
Hey, Coop.
Julia.
Hey.
We were just gonna eat.
You guys--? You wanna join us? Yeah.
Sure.
Thanks.
Hey.
CHARLIE: Hey.
I was thinking, um, you know those awards shows? Like the Academy Awards or--? Or the Grammys? You know how at those things they always give out like a special prize to somebody who overcame a tragedy? Yeah.
And the tragedy person always says, "Most of all, I-I'd like to thank my wife, without whom I never would've made it.
" Do you think it's easy for those wives or husbands? I mean, do you think being so supportive just comes naturally to them? Well I doubt it's easy.
But I-I bet if you love someone, it comes pretty naturally.
Kirsten's not doing any better, Jule.
Really? Mornings are so-so, but afternoons and evenings are pretty unbearable, I guess.
I talked to her doctor, and he said she might be like this for a long time.
Wow.
So I-I guess you just hang in there.
For how long? However long it takes.
What if I can't? What do you mean? Of course you can.
You don't know that.
Think about it.
When--? When have I ever been good about hanging in there? I mean, let's face it, if there's one thing I suck at, it's the long haul.
That i-is so not true, Charlie.
I mean, you hung in there for us.
Barely, and only 'cause I didn't have a choice.
[SIGHS.]
[***.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what I think this is like? This is like when we were little, and we packed for our summer camping trips.
And I'd get out all my camping clothes from the year before and try them on.
Heh.
And each year I'd be really surprised that they were too small, 'cause I hadn't even noticed that I'd grown.
Maybe you've grown more than-- Than you've noticed.
I'm just so scared I'm gonna wanna bail on her.
You know what, Charlie? I'm not.
Not at all.
[***.]
[***.]
BAILEY: No, no.
I think your problem was you were using too much beer.
Nonsense.
No such thing.
Yeah, well, I'm not so sure the girl who-- Whose backpack you puked into would agree.
Ew, Cooper, that's disgusting.
It wasn't in her backpack.
It was near her backpack.
No.
It was on her backpack.
It wasn't my fault.
We were all-- One minute we were all playing a game, the next minute, everyone's ganging up on me.
Yeah? That happens when you're not on top of your quarters game.
You become the sacrificial lamb.
I was rusty, okay? Get me a glass.
Yeah.
[LOVE SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
[CRACKLES.]
[RAP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
JULIA: Who switched that? Hey, Julia.
SARAH: This is-- This is Cooper, Bailey's new friend.
Cooper, this is Julia, Bailey's old sister.
Ha-ha.
How old? Old enough.
I was listening to that.
Yeah, well, if I have to hear one more girl whine into a thin acoustic riff, I'm gonna strangle her.
BAILEY: All right.
Hey, Jule, did you, uh--? Did you meet? Oh, met.
Offended.
We're old friends now.
Here, give me that.
Ah, it's too quiet to concentrate.
[LAUGHS.]
[TURNS UP.]
* And just the other day * * They tried to kill me * [RAP SONG PLAYING ON RADIO.]
I'll tell 'em to turn it down.
[SIGHS.]
It's okay.
I'm sure they'll go to bed in a little while.
[ALL CHEERING.]
Hey! I've got an idea.
You keep hanging out with Cooper.
He'll keep throwing up on girls and that'll take care of whoever's interested in you.
Don't be sure.
The throwing-up thing can be a real turn on.
[LAUGHS.]
JULIA: Is there a technique? Yes, you throw the quarter and hope it goes in.
No, there must be a way.
I mean, what if you think a little bit about vectors? Well, if you think a little bit about vectors, then you'd be tragic because this is a drinking game.
We're not in Physics lab.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Go.
Julia.
Julia.
[LAUGHS.]
Julia.
[ALL CHANTING.]
Julia, Julia, Julia.
Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia, Ju-- [ALL CHEERING.]
[SHRIEKS.]
[CHEERING, MUSIC PLAYING.]
[JULIA LAUGHS.]
[THE BODEANS' "CLOSER TO FIVE" PLAYING.]
* Everybody wants to live * * Like they wanna live * * And everybody wants to love * * Like they wanna love * * Everybody wants to be * * Closer to free-ee-ee-ee * * Closer to free * [WATER RUNNING.]
CHARLIE: I'm not saying you can't have people over.
BAILEY: Oh, really? That's what it sounds like.
No, I'm just saying yelling till 4:00 in the morning isn't cool.
Chow down, sport.
Hey, what time did you go to bed when you were in college? Totally different.
I lived in the dormitory.
Wow.
Lucky you.
What's with the water? It never got hot.
Yeah, the water heater's busted.
Now you tell me.
So there's no hot water at all? Repair guy's coming this afternoon, so someone should be here.
Hey, Jule, what was the name of that bookstore you said sells used textbooks? Bower Books, Market and 10th.
Why? Cooper and I missed out on a few at the campus store.
Gotta scavenge.
Oh.
Well, I'm kind of looking for some stuff too, so maybe I can come with you? Don't even think about it, Julia.
You're not his type.
Hey, Bay, hang on a second.
Listen, um, about the noise Look, I'm not asking for myself, okay? I'm asking for Kirsten.
She's still pretty depressed.
You mean about her Ph.
D.
stuff? Yeah.
You know, that was a-- It was a big blow.
Is it serious? No.
It's nothing to worry about.
She's gonna be fine.
It's just she's having a little trouble sleeping and eating.
But you don't need to worry.
I'm only mentioning it so we can try to keep things down a bit.
Okay? 'Cause that's all she needs, is a little peace and quiet.
[CLAUDIA SCREAMS.]
What the hell was that? Claudia? The shower is freezing.
[GASPS.]
Hey, you're up.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
What you reading? Oh, um What are you up to today? You have your shrink, right? No, that's tomorrow.
Really? So you don't have anything going on? Hard to believe, huh? Well, hey, that's-- That's great.
'Cause since you're free, I could really use your help.
I still don't have a new hostess for the restaurant, so I was thinking You want me to work at Salinger's? Not as a new career path or anything.
Just to help me out for a few days.
[SIGHS.]
I know what you're doing, Charlie.
You don't need my help.
Okay, look, yes, this is for you, but [SIGHS.]
I really think this could be a good thing.
'Cause think about it: You'd get out of the house, you'd start hanging out with people a little.
Who knows? Maybe all this stuff, this whole dissertation nightmare might start to seem a little less Not that it's not important, but I just think a different perspective couldn't hurt.
[SIGHS.]
I don't-- I just don't feel like it.
Of course you don't now.
Heh.
You've been in those sweats for three days.
But I swear, if you get up and you take a shower-- A coldish one.
Heh.
--and you come to work with me, you will feel so much better.
Please, won't you just try it? Come on.
I'll wash your back.
And your front, if you want.
No loud parties at your house means we'll have to hang out on campus.
It's no big deal.
But at the end of the night, I gotta get behind the wheel.
So What? No Jagermeister luges for the kid? I'm not that-- Jagermeister luges are my reasons for living.
Yeah, well, a fellow's gotta have his options.
Exactly? Mm-hm.
Whoa.
Rocks for Jocks, huh? Impressive.
Hey, did I ask? COOPER: Why don't you--? Don't you crash at my room whenever you want? Really? Yeah, yeah.
You can use the floor.
Here.
Extra key.
Wow.
This is great, man.
No sweat.
Twenty-two, sixty-five.
Well, we'll use the old signal.
Necktie on the door: Band's rocking, don't bother knocking.
Right.
Speaking of which, we're late for that health-center thing.
Are you coming? Mm.
No.
Abstinence and condoms.
I got it.
All right.
I'll catch you.
Catch you later.
Oh, let me guess.
Tight end? Hm.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, excuse me, where's your biography section? CLERK: Does it look like your turn? Julia? Oh, hey, uh-- Hey.
--Cooper.
Yeah.
Oh, you just missed Bailey.
No kidding.
Huh.
Um, so, what are you getting? Oh, ju-- That's not for me.
That's for my mom, you know.
Couple autographed copies.
See.
Don't tell anybody, but I'm Cliff.
[GIGGLES.]
Did you drive here? Um, uh, yeah, I-I have my, uh, car-like thing.
What are the odds on you dropping me back off at the campus? Oh, uh Oh, the vomit story, huh? What vomit story? Oh, n-nothing.
Never mind.
Heh.
[GRUNTS.]
[METAL RATTLES.]
Well, you can fix it, right? Oh, I could, but you don't want me to.
Trust me, the six people that live in this house are gonna get very stinky very fast.
I want you to.
[SIGHS.]
No, no, no.
See, if I replace the busted parts, you're still gonna be looking at a 23-year-old heater.
Decent odds, you're gonna have the same situation in another month.
Hang on a sec.
Bailey? Julia? Darn.
Okay.
Um, what? Well, I'd replace the whole thing.
Oh, okay.
Okay, so do that.
[SIGHS.]
Well, there's a few more factors to consider.
Let's see.
Well-- Heh.
Your pipes-- Ah, your pipes are corroding.
Yeah, you've already sprung a couple of leaks over here.
So what? You think we need to get new ones of those put in too? Yeah, I would.
Get a whole new system.
Package deal.
Better price.
CLAUDIA: Anyone? Okay.
Just-- Just-- Just do the whole thing.
Sorry.
I don't do pipes.
Just heaters.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING DISTANTLY.]
Coop? Coop, are you here? [SNIFFS.]
Whoa.
That not-so-fresh feeling.
[SNIFFS.]
Thank you.
And this is-- Ta-da! Your typical freshman guy's living space.
Huh.
You're a Rauschenberg fan? A what? Rauschenberg, the artist.
Oh, that.
Ooh.
Moral dilemma here.
I could say yes, but that would be a lie.
My sister got me that when I left home.
She thought that, you know, girls would think it was more sophisticated.
Oh.
Well? [GIGGLES.]
Uh, well, um, it's slightly undermined by the Skivvies on the bed.
You think so? Yeah.
Oh, well, I'll just [SIGHS.]
You know, I guess the truth is that any sophisticated girl would see right through that in a second and split, right? Well, yeah, maybe.
But, um, then again, maybe not.
Maybe not? Huh? Whoa.
[BAILEY LAUGHS.]
Whoa.
Whoa.
Can you get a bottle of Dom Perignon over to Table 8.
Fortieth anniversary.
[PHONE RINGS.]
KIRSTEN: Welcome to Salinger's.
This way.
[LIGHT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING.]
KIRSTEN: We have specials tonight.
Um, there's a great veal tonnato.
That comes with grilled vegetables and saffron rice.
KIRSTEN: We also have Oh, sorry.
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
[SOBBING.]
You guys are totally wrong for each other.
You don't know that.
Yes, I do.
Look, this is a guy who eats everything with his fingers.
Everything.
Ham, vegetables, salad.
Oh, not salad.
And all he listens to is rap.
You hate rap.
Bailey, you haven't even come close to a germ of a logical argument yet.
I'm just saying it's a big mistake.
[GROANS.]
Okay, look, forget that other stuff.
The fact is he's my friend, period.
I got him first.
Oh, dibsies.
Hey, I can tell you not to date my friends.
That's allowed.
Oh, I-I-I'm sorry.
Your girlfriend is who? Totally different.
[GROANS.]
Sarah wasn't a new friend.
You'd known her forever.
[SIGHS.]
All right.
The truth is I don't want you around all that much.
I had to go to school with you for three years.
I'm allowed to want you outta my face.
Who says I'm gonna be in your face? Of course you will.
You guys, I have a question.
BAILEY: Of course you will.
I mean, his room is kinda my room, so I think it's fair for me to say that I don't want you there.
It's about the water heater.
It may be kinda your room, Bay, but it's actually his, which means he can ask whomever he wants over, including me.
The guy said it's a big problem.
If you can't deal with that, then maybe you should find someone else to mooch a room off of.
Jerk.
CLAUDIA: Bay.
I'm busy, okay? [SIGHS.]
CHARLIE: Seemed like you slept real hard last night.
You did, didn't you? Uh-huh.
God, that must make such a huge difference.
I love that, the way a good night's sleep can just totally change your mood.
Listen, um, I gotta meet this seafood guy, so I'll pick you up before the dinner shift at 5.
I can't at 5.
My shrink.
Oh, right.
Good.
Good.
Tell you what.
Uh There's a coffee cake downstairs.
I'll, um-- I'll cut you a big piece and throw it in the oven.
That way it'll be hot for you when you get down there.
Okay.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
BAILEY: It's bigger than a dorm room.
It's not the, uh, cleanest place ever.
Look, well, hey, it's not the dirtiest either.
And even if it were, it beats crashing at Cooper's place these days, all things considered.
So, anyway, you'd have the, uh, living room.
Nice.
Cool view.
How long a walk is it to campus? About 10 minutes, maybe a little bit longer when you're hung over.
I gotta spit.
Look around.
Well, he's a charmer.
Hey, as long as he doesn't wanna date Julia, he's cool with me.
Ahem.
So, what's the rent? Nothing.
Like 215 a month.
I could take it out of my summer pay and still chip in at home.
You know what? You could put the futon right here.
Yeah.
And maybe, like, line up some milk crates over here and-- And hang a tapestry, you know, for privacy.
Mmm.
Martha Stewart, look out.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ray, where were you? I waited for you for an hour and a half.
Where? At the co-op.
You were supposed to pick me up.
I had to walk a mile and a half with these stupid squashes.
I don't remember you saying anything.
Well, I did.
I said to pick me up at 2, so I wouldn't be late for yoga.
God.
Uh Excuse me.
Heh.
Who are you? I'm Bailey Salinger.
They're here looking at the place.
Oh, uh, I'm Callie.
Please excuse.
You live here too? Yeah, it's my lease.
I'm sorry.
We don't have room for two people.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
It's just-- Just me alone.
She's not Uh, this is, um-- This is Sarah and, uh, she's not Oh, okay, then.
So, uh, what do you think? Uh CALLIE: You know we're not-- We're not usually yelling like this, if that's a problem.
Oh, no.
No, it's not that.
It's just, um-- It's actually a little more than-- Than I was hoping to pay, so Okay.
But, um, thanks anyway.
RAY: Whatever.
[SIGHS.]
Okay.
So I gotta talk to Cooper.
Hey.
Hey.
You're half an hour late.
I am? Oh, I am.
Oops.
I'm sorry.
Are--? Are you--? You pissed? Well, sure.
It's 30 minutes.
Well, see, you know, that-- That could be a problem because I'm-- I'm, like, always late.
Oh, okay.
Well, then, now that I know that, I-I'll be late too.
Well, a thing like that could be a problem on down the line.
Oh? That sounds like it's supposed to mean something, Cooper.
No.
No, it's nothing.
Would you--? You ever been dating somebody and found something out and said, "I wish I would've known that in the beginning, because I would've never been involved with them?" So, are--? Are you saying that because you were late y-you don't think we should go out? It's not just the lateness.
It's-- It's other stuff.
We, like, have a lot not in common.
Like? [SIGHS.]
Like, um music.
You like to listen to that girl music, and I like rap.
And, I mean, another thing: I-- My manners.
I'm-- They're like garbage, you know.
I, uh-- I eat with my hands.
You're pretty polite.
Don't you think that would make you crazy? Oh, my God.
Look, don't get me wrong.
I think you're completely cool, but-- But I-I'm also Bailey's sister, and he told you to back off.
Wow.
[SIGHS.]
Y-you know, I-I wasn't sure what to expect from you, Cooper, but, um a spine would've been nice.
Kirsten.
CLAUDIA: Charlie.
Hey, Charlie, I need to ask you something.
Did Kirsten come home? I don't think so.
Charlie, listen, okay.
The guy came.
You know, the water guy.
And he said he can't fix it 'cause it's, like, way too old.
And, well, we need a whole new thing.
So have him do it.
He can't do it.
He doesn't do pipes, but he gave me some names.
All right.
I'll tell you what: Um, call and ask for bids.
CHARLIE: Kirsten! But Bids? Kirsten? [KIRSTEN SOBBING.]
[***.]
Kirsten.
Kirsten, what happened? Are you okay? What's--? [SOBS.]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Charlie, I-- I just-- I just-- I couldn't get dressed.
[SOBS.]
[SIGHS.]
I thought you were feeling better.
I mean, you said you slept.
You said I slept.
You didn't tell me I was wrong.
You didn't wanna hear it.
Hey, that's not true.
I love you, and if you're sad or sick, I wanna know.
I wanna make it better.
I know.
You wanna put me in the restaurant and restore my lust for life.
I only did that 'cause I thought it would help.
Well, it doesn't.
It just makes it worse.
Okay.
Okay.
So, what can I do? You can stop telling me I'm okay, because I'm not.
I keep thinking, if I just sleep, I'll wake up better.
But I can't sleep, because when I lie down, I can't breathe.
God, all I can feel is this My thoughts, none of them stick.
I can't-- I-I start-- I start to think about something, l-like buttoning my shirt, and I start to do up the first button and this I just feel like I've lost something.
You have.
Your-- Your job.
No.
No, not that.
It's inside.
I feel like I've lost something inside.
And I can't-- I-- I can't finish buttoning my shirt until I find it.
Only it's not there.
It's gone.
Look, um This is You seem a little, uh I'm thinking that maybe we should give your folks a call.
No.
Absolutely not.
Then Then you have to go see your psychiatrist.
[WHISPERS.]
How can I? I can't even [SIGHS.]
[GIRL GIGGLING.]
Uh, you know, I didn't even see that.
[COOPER LAUGHS.]
Julia.
Hey, Bay.
What are you--? Doing? Um, we were just looking at Cooper's yearbook.
Ha-ha.
Did you know that he was voted most the likely to violate a federal law and get away with it? I thought-- I mean, I'm surprised.
I thought we talked about this.
Um, no.
Actually, you and I talked about it, and then you totally went behind my back.
Hey, I had a conversation with a friend.
I'm allowed to do that.
Hey, hold on, guys.
Not when it's about me.
Not when it's about stuff that you and I already resolved.
Resolved? You call ignoring me and walking out on our conversation a resolution? Man, Julia.
Okay.
So now you're mad at me? I can't believe you, Bailey.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
This is-- This is just stupid, okay? And since this is my room, I guess I get to be the grown-up.
COOPER: So you gotta go.
What? I totally value you as a friend, but I also dig your sister, and we might be hanging out more, and it's obvious that you think this is a big deal.
So I think the best way for us to remain friends is, you know, you can't crash here anymore.
I mean, it seems like the only logical solution.
Well Right.
I mean, can't argue logic.
Catch ya.
All right.
Here's what ya got.
Couple hundred in materials, one day of labor.
You're looking at about 3000 bucks.
That's with a five-year warranty, extendable up to a full 10.
[KNOCK.]
Oh, wow.
Yeah, looking for Claudia.
Yep, that's me.
Hey.
Hey.
Um, it's down here.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
What's down there? The heater.
Duh.
You just saw it.
Sweetheart, we're talking here.
We're doin' business.
This is your job? No.
He just said-- Yeah, it's mine.
What do you think? I do this for fun? No, but, look, I-I didn't say you were hired or anything.
Hey, there is an assumption.
I mean, we're talking price.
We're in negotiations.
You called me over here and you already have a plumber? No, I don't have a plumber.
Yes, she has a plumber.
I could have another job.
Gonna charge you for an estimate.
You didn't even look in the basement.
I'm not taking his job.
It's not his job.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
This the Salinger house? Yeah.
I'm Tommy, the water guy.
[GROANS.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GIGGLES.]
What are you doing? Checking your lifting muscles.
I'm gonna need some help moving my boxes.
What boxes? Where? My stuff boxes.
To the apartment.
I decided to take it.
You what? Yeah.
See, I've thought a lot about this, and it makes total sense, 'cause Julia and Cooper-- Whatever.
That'll never work.
But he's gonna have other girlfriends, right? And he's gonna want his privacy.
And let's face it, you and I want our privacy too.
So the answer is to move in with a nubile exhibitionist? I don't think so.
Okay.
First of all, she's not nubile.
I bet that was the only pair of underwear she owns that isn't a thong.
And I'm not moving in with her.
I'm moving in with her and her boyfriend.
She has a boyfriend.
They're a couple.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? Th-then why can't he stop her from walking around half naked? Because it doesn't matter.
I've seen attractive girls in their underwear before.
It's not a big deal.
Oh, so you think she's attractive? No.
It doesn't-- No.
Look, who cares? Maybe she is and maybe she isn't.
Yeah, well, she is.
Okay.
Let's say she is.
Let's say she's off-the-charts gorgeous.
It doesn't matter.
I love you, Sarah.
And I am probably more attracted to you than you wanna know.
I'm so attracted to you that if someone dropped Michelle Pfeiffer naked in my lap, all it would do is make me think of you.
So So don't worry about Callie.
Honestly, she's just some semi-insane girl who isn't you.
Okay? Okay.
Okay.
You carry the heavy stuff.
Heh.
Okay.
[LAUGHS.]
JULIA: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Are you saying you don't like traveling? Yeah.
What's the point? I mean, Americans go to France.
The French go to Japan.
The Japanese, they come here.
It's like musical chairs, only it's with cameras.
Well, yeah.
But-- But there's so much you can learn from other cultures.
Like what? Like-- Like Rome.
I mean, it's-- It's been a city for more than 2000 years.
And? And that's interesting.
Why? Why is that so interesting? That's-- That's like asking why a sunset's beautiful.
I-it just is.
Oh, don't get me started on sunsets.
But you don't like sunsets? I just don't understand what the big deal is.
I mean, they happen every single day.
I swear, sometimes I think people just like things because they're told to.
You're saying I like sunsets and traveling because I've been told to? Oh, no.
Not you.
I mean, maybe you.
[SIGHS.]
That wasn't my point.
So, uh, what--? What do you like? I like underrated things.
Um, Denny's on my birthday.
If it's your birthday, it's free.
You didn't know that? [STAMMERS.]
No.
No.
I just [CHUCKLES.]
[GROANS.]
I'm-- I'm sorry, Cooper, but are you--? Are we having a good time? Well, I don't think we've exactly hit our stride.
'Cause please don't take this the wrong way, but I-- I'm starting to think that maybe I'm here for the wrong reasons.
What do you mean? Well, it's not that you're not nice and-- And fun.
You are.
It's just I don't know.
Heh.
I'm-- I'm just feeling I'm starting to think that part of the reason that I wanted to go out with you is because Bailey told me not to.
A spite thing.
I'll show you.
I'll date who I want.
Yeah, maybe.
BAILEY: Shove.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Perfect.
[GIGGLES.]
Oh, hey.
Hey, check it out.
Look, you can see the moon through those trees.
I think that's a streetlight.
Oh.
Well, hey, check it out.
You can see the streetlight through those trees.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Sorry.
Callie? BAILEY: Um I don't mean to pry or anything, but are you okay? [DOOR OPENS.]
Yeah, I'm-- I'm fine.
Oh, God, I'm just-- I'm just so stupid, you know? I really hate myself sometimes.
Oh, um CALLIE: God, why couldn't I see what a jerk he was? [SIGHS.]
Who? Ray? You could probably tell, right? I bet you you'd never go out with someone like that.
Well, you know, Ray's not really my type.
What? You don't like dirtbag losers? So you guys had a fight? No.
Uh, he just, uh-- [SNIFFLES.]
He just dumped me.
CALLIE: Didn't you notice all of his stuff's gone? He moved out? He moved out.
CALLIE: Yeah, and you know who he moved in with? The other girl he was sleeping with.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
CALLIE: You wanna know the worst thing? The girl? She was my roommate last year.
I thought she was my friend.
CALLIE: The thing is, I don't really have a lot of friends, you know? [CALLIE SOBS.]
[CALLIE SNIFFLES.]
CHARLIE: The thing is, I know all about patient-doctor confidence, so I'm not gonna ask you about what she's told you or anything.
I just-- I think you should know what's going on with her, 'cause, you see, she's-- She's not herself.
She's in bed all day, but she-- She doesn't sleep ever or-- Or eat either.
She just lies there.
Well, that's how depression often manifests itself, Charlie.
Yeah, I know.
I know.
So, what can she do to get better? Should she maybe go back on medication, 'cause that worked before, right? Medication might help, yes.
Good.
Okay, good, so But keep in mind, it could take up to six weeks to become effective.
Six weeks? Sometimes, yeah.
Okay.
Okay, see, that-- That's-- That's too long.
That-- That's way too long.
You're talking about November.
She can't go on like this until November.
She's suffering.
You have to-- You have to figure out something that'll work faster or-- Or-- Or make her come in here everyday.
Or whatever you have to do to get her better before then.
She's gotta get better before then.
I mean, I have to know this isn't gonna go on for six more weeks.
Why, Charlie? What? Why do you need to know that? You know, I can just-- I can take the bus.
Cooper, my car is right over there.
It's a pretty cool car too.
My old boyfriend gave it to me.
Ah, love of your life? No.
No.
I-I-I don't think I believe in that anymore.
I mean, the idea of having one love in your life.
I mean, I've been in love.
Heh.
Yeah.
Me too.
Really? Why are you so surprised? I don't know.
I don't know.
You just seem You know, I'm sorry.
So, what did you love about her? Beats me.
I was driving home one night, and she was walking home in the rain without a coat.
Offered her a lift.
She leaned down to the car window to talk.
Rain was running down her face.
She said, "No, thanks.
I'd rather walk.
" Boom.
I was a goner.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's so weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's like someone else decides you to feel this.
So you do.
Until they decide you shouldn't anymore, so you stop.
Or until she stops.
[SIGHS.]
Wow.
We should probably Oh.
Or-- Or we could keep walking a little.
Do you--? Do you wanna walk? Yeah.
It's nice out.
I'm still a little full from the guacamole.
A-and you look pretty great in this light.
Are you serious? Not usually.
Heh-heh.
But maybe.
How long have you been standing there? Couple of minutes.
[SIGHS.]
Not long.
Why didn't you say something? I almost did.
A few-- No, lots, actually.
Actually, lots of times.
CHARLIE: But everything I wanted to say was-- Well, I almost said there's pasta downstairs.
I could heat it up.
And, hey, I-I picked up a movie on the way home.
You wanna watch it? But, uh But that would put pressure on you, right? Pressure to-- To watch the movie and-- And pressure to eat the pasta, and that's not what you need.
It's what I need so that I can-- I can feel like you're okay, so I won't have to worry about you.
[CHARLIE SIGHS.]
I mean, it sounds nice.
Hey, sweetie, I got a movie, but it's not.
I know it's not.
So I was-- I was just standing there, trying to think of something to say that wasn't selfish, that wasn't for me.
And, uh, it was takin' a while.
[CHUCKLES.]
Then you turned around.
How are you? You're great, Charlie.
No, I'm not.
[***.]
Yeah, you are.
This is-- This is awful.
I'm awful, but you're so good.
Don't say that, okay? Don't say that I'm good.
I'm gonna, um, get dinner going for-- For Claud and Owen.
Um, you can come or-- Or not.
Up to you.
I love you.
I can take this, right? Nobody uses it.
I do.
Hey, Bay, I need you to write a check.
For what? The water guy.
He came already? Yep.
It's all fixed.
We'll have hot water in two hours.
All thanks to me.
Wait a minute.
This says 3000 bucks.
That's not what it cost, is it? Well, yeah.
What? Are you kidding? How could it cost that much? 'Cause, you know, the-- The water thing.
Uh, th-they had to put in a whole new thing.
A new what? CLAUDIA: New everything.
You know, the heater thing a-a-a-nd the pipes.
We didn't need new pipes.
Well, the guy said we did.
Well, of course he said we did, Claudia.
God, Claudia, how could you agree to this without asking any of us? Hey, I asked.
I mean, no one would listen.
All Charlie said was get bids.
Well, "get bids" doesn't mean hire the guy.
You should know that.
How? How should I know that, Bailey? I'm 13.
Did you know about bids when you were 13? I really doubt it.
Okay, Claudia, just calm down.
No, you know what? You calm down.
I'm the only one who took time to fix the heater.
And, okay, I mean, I understand maybe Charlie has stuff to deal with and maybe you do too.
If this is how it's gonna be, if you're gonna dump all the home repair on me at 13, then you don't get to complain if I don't do it right.
No, no.
You just don't, and if you don't like that, next time, do it yourself.
Claudia's mad.
You know what amazes me? That I actually lived with a guy who owned one pair of socks.
Ray only had one pair of socks? Yeah.
And the rest of his hygiene routine is completely consistent with that.
[CALLIE GROANS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
MAN: Yo, Callie.
[SIGHS.]
Who's that? Spence Kramer.
I made out with him once last fall.
Guess he heard about me and Ray.
Well, here I go, back into the fire.
Save my seat.
Well she certainly bounces back fast.
What's with you? Gee, I wonder.
What? Callie? You're not actually mad 'cause she's here, are you? Well, given that I didn't want you living with her, do you really think I want her around? Her boyfriend just broke up with her, Sarah.
Have a little compassion.
[SCOFFS.]
It's amazing how you can make insensitivity sound so nice.
I'm insensitive? Me? Man, Sarah, I finally find a place, one that I can afford, with-- With a roommate who actually seems pretty cool, and you don't try and enjoy it for me.
Given the details, can you blame me? Yes, I can, because I have never given you a reason not to trust me, ever.
So I really don't think it's fair for you to guilt trip me like this because I'm-- Because I'm friends with my roommate.
So I'm supposed to be happy? Yes, you are.
And if you can't be happy, then you should fake it.
[GIGGLES.]
[SIGHS.]
Come on, let's go.
Oh, hey.
Hey, Coop.
Julia.
Hey.
We were just gonna eat.
You guys--? You wanna join us? Yeah.
Sure.
Thanks.
Hey.
CHARLIE: Hey.
I was thinking, um, you know those awards shows? Like the Academy Awards or--? Or the Grammys? You know how at those things they always give out like a special prize to somebody who overcame a tragedy? Yeah.
And the tragedy person always says, "Most of all, I-I'd like to thank my wife, without whom I never would've made it.
" Do you think it's easy for those wives or husbands? I mean, do you think being so supportive just comes naturally to them? Well I doubt it's easy.
But I-I bet if you love someone, it comes pretty naturally.
Kirsten's not doing any better, Jule.
Really? Mornings are so-so, but afternoons and evenings are pretty unbearable, I guess.
I talked to her doctor, and he said she might be like this for a long time.
Wow.
So I-I guess you just hang in there.
For how long? However long it takes.
What if I can't? What do you mean? Of course you can.
You don't know that.
Think about it.
When--? When have I ever been good about hanging in there? I mean, let's face it, if there's one thing I suck at, it's the long haul.
That i-is so not true, Charlie.
I mean, you hung in there for us.
Barely, and only 'cause I didn't have a choice.
[SIGHS.]
[***.]
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what I think this is like? This is like when we were little, and we packed for our summer camping trips.
And I'd get out all my camping clothes from the year before and try them on.
Heh.
And each year I'd be really surprised that they were too small, 'cause I hadn't even noticed that I'd grown.
Maybe you've grown more than-- Than you've noticed.
I'm just so scared I'm gonna wanna bail on her.
You know what, Charlie? I'm not.
Not at all.
[***.]
[***.]