Rake (2010) s03e04 Episode Script
Season 3, Episode 4
There's a big 'For Sale' sign Yes - we're open for inspection in 15.
You're never to set foot in this house again! Let me give the bride away.
I'm a legal pariah, and your stupid fucking film's only gonna make matters worse.
Tikki Wendon's superbly imaginative plan to build an edifice By 'edifice', you mean 'casino', right? How much did I win? Marcel's, I'm in.
I can have a bank cheque for you tomorrow.
Oh, no, I did not mean 'Reply all'.
I did not mean 'Reply all'! Teatime.
Hit the floor, or I'll blow your head off! Got time for a cuppa, boys? Well, I wouldn't say no.
Thanks, Rod.
Colder than a nun's out there.
I got some of Denise's fruitcake here.
I told her you'd be popping in.
How's young Ryan going, mate? Getting excited? Mm.
I've been showing him road maps of where we'll be staying along the way.
Very excited, I think.
See that dog's breakfast of a game on Saturday? Burgess had his hand under it.
No way did that ball touch the grass.
You could see all that from the stand, could you? Well, yes, you could've seen it from Mars.
You comfy? I'll give you blokes ten minutes, then I'll hit the panic button.
Make it 15.
I gotta water the horse.
Like emptying a full bath, these days.
Regards to Denise and Ryan, mate.
They're on the wrong bloody level.
Hello? Can I help you? Whoo! Fuck yeah! What kind of fucking place doesn't do vodka shots with quinoa? Fuck! Calm down, Paulie! No fucking activated almonds? Am I fucking? Am I asking too much? Calm down.
Am I? Activated almonds? Where am I, Lobotomy Central? I thought you wanted sex.
Oh, I do.
of gruelling handwork.
It's open slather here.
Yeah.
I'm a fool for a chinwag, though.
Preferably something that doesn't involve the letters O-M-G or L-O-L.
Whoo! Is it? I love this shit! Ever read any Balzac? Who? Oh Don't worry - neither have I.
But I'm thinking maybe tonight's the night.
Bang, bang, bang! Why do you hang around with this fucktard? I'm a merchant banker.
He's Paul Wendon.
Stepson of the second richest woman in the country.
In 2009, there was 15 degrees of separation between me and Tikki.
That there is one degree.
Didn't happen to bring your mum, did you? Who's there? Who's?! Welcome, welcome! Kids! Come and say hello to Nicole and baby lain.
Come on.
Hi, Nicole.
Hi, lain.
Hi.
Hi.
Nicole's gonna be staying with us until she finds herself a place and until Daddy gets back to his old self, OK? Where's lain's dad? Hello, Maria.
Oh.
Hello, Barney.
Uh, Mum, this is Scarlet.
Hello.
Oh, Scarlet! Hello! Oh.
She said it's very nice to meet you.
It's lovely to meet you, too.
OK, let's get you settled.
Um, and then we've got to take Barney to the hospital.
Come on, kids.
It's alright.
Let's show them their room.
I'll grab those No, no, no, no.
- Yeah? - Hey, you.
It's me.
Shoshanna tells me I have an hour break in my diary.
I thought you might like to come join me for breakfast.
Uh, what is the Shoshanna? Is that a bedspread? Are you interested or not? Not.
I'm, uh, having a power breakfast with some clients.
OK, well, do you have your diary handy? Yeah.
Uh, well, I've got an appalling run of stuff this week.
Um, Friday? No.
Unless Shoshanna can triage my diary.
Do what to your diary? It's an expression.
No, no, no, no.
'Triage my diary' is an abuse of the language.
Friday's no good for me anyway.
My own diary passed away with renal failure last week surrounded by loved ones.
You are still pissed off with me about the damn film, aren't you? What? What are you talking about? I wasn't awake for long enough to have an opinion.
Look, I don't want to say goodbye like this.
I have to go back to the States soon to finish my novel.
A novel! Do tell! It's just hit me - you're jealous.
No, worse - envious.
The poison side of jealousy.
I've gone out and I've made a career and a name for myself and you are a still-life study of self-indulgent failure.
Oh, and you are the Kim Kardashian of the literary world.
OK, no, no.
You are a morbidly obese woman who sheds 100 kilos and then writes a book.
A novelist! Come on! Why don't you go get fucked? Oh, so Friday's off, then? Goodbye, Cleaver.
Good luck with the whole Tolstoy thing.
So you didn't see nothing suspicious? Everything was 100% normal.
Right, Vern? Yeah.
Yeah, it was a very ordinary night.
We had a cuppa, some cake.
Who would do this to Rod? Oh, if I could get my hands on that scum Vernon Arnold Walters and Phillip Ryan Granter, we are arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Rodney Howley.
Eh? Last round, darling, and then it's over.
The kids wanted to come up but I thought it was best No, no, no.
A little later.
Yeah.
When it's all over.
Yeah.
Hey, how'd it go with Ryan? Uh, he's still waiting on two of the Braybrook statements.
Oh, we should get going, then.
Hey, come here.
Hey So You should go.
You know she hates to be kept waiting.
So she's The first one, Scarlet, she's still your wife? Mm-hm.
And Nicole is .
.
you have a child with her, do you? Mm-hm.
And they both work together? And you all live in the same house? Mm-hm, we do.
Chemo's beginning to look relatively easy, then.
Mm-hm.
This State doesn't need another casino.
I'm sorry, but this is an emotional issue for me, alright? My old man, straight as a die, a banker, shot through because of gambling.
Came home from school one day and he wasn't there.
Mm.
It's a moving story but I wouldn't say any of that at the party meeting.
No, that is way too loser-y.
If you don't mind me saying.
We have a choice here.
Alright? A facility surrounded by a small nature reserve with a place for disabled kids, for old people.
Maybe even a small zoo.
Or we can just give over the land to another bloody casino for Tikki Wendon.
We have a zoo.
How often do you go? You've seen one giraffe You've seen 'em all.
Let's put out a poll.
No, no, no, no.
No, no.
No poll, alright? That is my decision - no to a casino.
And you think caucus will support you? Yes, I think both of them will.
I think we can knock out a poll by Friday.
Earlier.
Yeah.
What's with that shit about his dad? As you know, usually at this time, we're privileged to have the company of the wonderful Tikki Wendon to discuss the world of business and finance with us.
But last night, this great Australian entrepreneur, employer of thousands, suffered a personal tragedy.
Her offices were broken into, robbed and vandalised.
I even read an unconfirmed report on the net that said Tikki herself was threatened at knifepoint.
Now, she's apologised for not being with us today, but, friends, if I know Tikki, she's undeterred.
She's ready to right this fundamentally un-Australian wrong.
Now, this is an attack on Australian business.
This is an attack on our way of life.
For every dollar that TWE invests in this country, we citizens earn four.
Now, I'm no champion of big business, as you know, but for God's sake, people, Tikki Wendon is one of the good guys.
Where the hell is he? Morning, Tik.
Rene.
Paul.
So, what's the damage? Took about 15 laptops and smashed the mainframe.
Jesus.
God only knows what they've taken.
Everything's backed up.
There's no real problem.
They caught them.
Yeah, but what's on those computers? You know, and they got at the mainframe.
It's all encrypted.
Nothing happens on this floor of any consequence.
Which is why you are working here.
Still, you know, something might have, um, leaked out or Like what? I don't know.
Of all the departments of all the groups of all the companies in this city, they had to break into yours.
Tik, come on, that's Paul, the only reason I tolerate your presence here is because your father is still a great root and, for reasons beyond my comprehension, he seems to be fond of you.
Well, I guess Ha! Rene, darling, get this lot out of here.
I don't need them prodding around my business.
And then I want you to find out who they arrested and why they broke in.
I want to know what happened here last night.
Nicole! Nicole! Busy! I can't make head or tail of this Michael Thornton file.
This is the second attachment for the Braybrook files.
Did he insert the device into his anus before he went to the store or after he arrived at the store? It's Thornton Michael, it's not Michael Thornton.
And that second one is for the Land Commission Oh.
Oh.
His parents called him 'Thornton'? No wonder the man's got psychological damage.
See, that could be our defence right there.
Sorry, do you mind? I have a huge session today.
It's panic stations, so you can have Nicole when I'm through, if I get through.
Because if he popped it up his pooper before he went to the store, it'll obviously play differently in court This is not working for me! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for a hundred things.
I'm sorry you never made silk.
I am sorry that all your ex-clients prefer me.
I am sorry that you can't get a gig on the Commissions, but I did try.
Oh, yes, yes, I'm sure minutes of exhaustive toil went into that.
OK, I didn't try.
I don't want you anywhere near my Hearings Commissions.
I'm sorry.
I know what you're like.
Oh.
You grandstand, you'll undermine me and you'll just get in my road.
Scarlet Engels's chambers.
And Cleaver Greene's chambers.
No! No more! Yep, yep, she's on her way.
Now, you can keep your chambers down there for another couple of weeks and then you're on your own.
You might want to tell me when I haven't been.
And the same applies to Nicole.
She works for me now.
So, will you please leave?! Fuck off! Still inserted.
It's what he attacked the shop assistant with.
It was pretty ugly, really.
Lovely.
Mm.
Thank you.
And you shouldn't have antagonised her like that.
You have to handle her with kid gloves.
Ooh.
Cracks already appearing in the love walls.
This is a short-term measure to take the strain off him.
Yeah.
All three of you in that one little nest.
Poor sick old Barney in the middle.
That's a special circle of hell.
Felicity.
I couldn't find your number anywhere.
Uh, yes, sorry about all the this.
I was I'm getting the whole thing redone.
It was very old-fashioned.
I'm taking on some more people.
Hello.
I'm Nicole, I'm one of his 'more people'.
Ah.
Would you like a coffee? Uh, no.
Thank you.
I need your help.
Nicole.
Mm.
Uh, could you triage my 12 o'clock? Yes.
Almost too easy.
Some people I know, old friends of Malcolm's, they really were very good to him, they've landed themselves in some pretty serious legal trouble.
I said you might help.
So you broke into the building to steal what? A desk? But then you didn't, and then you left, and now you're charged with murder.
Well, that's pretty much how it happened.
Right, but-but you say that you did threaten and tie up the guard.
Tied him up, yeah, never denied that.
And then he was shot, but you say you didn't do it.
No.
Don't own a gun.
You were holding a gun on the monitor.
That was a toy.
OK.
So, uh did you know this guard? Uh, I never met him.
Phil? You work with him.
Might have seen him about.
Do you know how many people work in TWE Towers? There's more than 2,000.
So you're in the building, wearing tea-cosies on your head, holding a toy gun, like the Penguin about to break into the masked ball, but then you didn't steal anything.
Why not? Conscience.
When we got in there, we realised that there's no future in crime.
None.
None at all.
There's not much of a future in that story, either, fellas.
Come on, you're gonna have to throw me a bone here.
We didn't shoot him.
I'm not gonna get through this, am I? Yes, you will.
You're paid to say that, aren't you? Yeah.
Not nearly enough.
Did you know the chance of life, any life, on this planet is 0.
00000001 that anything exists? Elephants, plants, dogs, amoeba, tapeworms.
Yeah.
Incredible.
Cats, budgerigars, those little beetles that only appear at Christmas.
The fact that we exist is so totally random the idea that any human life is important is absurd.
Don't tell my mother that.
She's a Catholic.
Cancer often provokes these sorts of questions.
Life and meaning.
No, it provokes questions of utter meaninglessness.
Why have I brought another random child into this world? And now I'm gonna leave him and my other kids without ever knowing how they turn out.
Try not to worry.
You aren't gonna solve it.
Just get yourself better.
Sit on the beach with your beautiful kids, have a good glass of red.
You'll kind of remember what it's all about.
I suppose I have to go home.
Would you prefer to stay the night, if I organised it? Yeah.
I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of an abyss.
My wife has left me for her Zumba instructor.
I I feel that only Wendy can help me.
Thank you so much.
4:30? Marvellous.
Mason.
James Mason.
Thank you.
I shall triage my diary.
What the fuck is this? I am so proud of you for finally coming to terms with your sexuality.
I mean, that is that is a huge step, you know? And I think it's absolutely right that you acknowledge that to yourself and, uh, maybe to family, but I just .
.
I wonder about the wisdom of coming out on The Footy Show.
Well, I'll be there anyway for the handball competition.
Mm I I don't I don't know if those two ideas are really connected.
You know? I just Tell you what, can we hold off on that decision until after our session next week, do you think? Yeah, sure, yeah.
Yeah? Let's do that.
Well done.
OK, I'll see you next week.
Thanks a lot.
Oh.
Great.
I knew it.
Minute Libby told me that James Mason wanted to see me, I knew it was you.
Please go away.
Nanette.
John.
L-let me explain about the other night.
OK? First of all, Roger attacked me.
I never hit him.
No, but you tried to.
And if Roger wasn't such a magnificent physical specimen, you might have actually connected.
As it was, he subdued you in front of your son and my guests.
I admit I was emotional.
You lunged at me in front of my fiance.
And you sold the family home without telling me.
You did.
And that home was a half mine.
No! No! Yes.
No, no, no.
20 years ago, you stumped up the 10% deposit because of an unexpectedly slow track on Derby Day - all of the other payments were made by me.
You know, the time you spent in prison was the most peaceful time I have ever known.
The moment you get out, chaos reigns.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, darlin'.
It's not I'm not the bad guy.
No.
Cleave, we don't use the term 'bad people' in my profession, alright? You are a developmentally arrested, infantile, dysfunctional narcissist.
And I don't want to see you.
OK? The era of the casual drop-in is over.
Oh, fucking great! So, Vernon and Phil have been with you here for 16 years and nobody can tell me anything about 'em? Well, they kept to themselves.
Yeah.
So, nobody ever said 'Hello, do you have kids, Vernon?' Ah! I think they both like tenpin bowling.
Ah.
Right.
OK, what about the security guard? He's been here sitting at the same desk every night for 20 years.
Nobody ever accidentally tripped over and said hi? No.
No.
Maybe once.
Oh twice.
But I tell you this - they did not kill him, no way.
Right.
OK.
And you know that because of their purported love of tenpin bowling? Yeah.
Do you ever go to the football, look at the crowd, and think, 'Everyone here at some point is gonna die'? You gotta stop barracking for Parramatta, mate.
That could well be the cause of your cancer right there.
There is no bloody order, no such thing as fate, just the certainty it'll get you.
Mm.
Jesus.
Think I preferred your mindless optimism to this shit.
We're alone, mate.
That's what I realise now.
No, we're not.
No, we're not.
We look after each other, don't we? You know .
.
to my mind, our friendship really comes to life in the courtroom, doesn't it? Hey? I mean, how many people's destinies have we saved over time? a dog fucker And how good did it make us feel? You know, I got a really juicy little murder just now.
Two sweet old guys, no alibi Cleave I can't.
What? I wasn't asking you for anything.
See you, Barnabas.
'Candice hugged the plane blanket' Cradled.
No - hugged.
Jet plane.
All planes are jets.
'.
.
like it was the lover she had just' No.
Just.
Only.
'.
.
only just only just left at JFK.
' Heathrow? Paris.
Rome.
Roma.
Make it a train.
Gardermoen.
Prague.
Everybody bloody leaves from Prague.
Budapest.
Don't know anything about Budapest.
I do.
Two cities - Buda and Pest.
What? I may have been a tad off-message when we spoke last time.
Really? You think? Off-message? A morbidly obese Kim Kardashian? Only in the literary sense.
Come on, can I make it up to you? No.
That would be impossible.
Oh, come on, let me try.
Triage your diary one last time.
Lunch.
On me.
Yeah? Come on, I will make it up to you.
Promise.
Where is everybody? Tuesdays are notoriously quiet.
Well, if Tuesdays are quiet, Fridays are Do you ever have a busy day in here? Please.
Ah.
So how is every little thing? Fine.
Thanks for asking.
Welcome.
Ooh.
These walnuts were grown in the Hunter Valley.
Marcel has taken the meat of the walnut and fused it with Tasmanian truffle oil, shaved fennel grown in his own garden, and an infusion of herbs and aged Benedictine, served on a lime and beetroot smear.
Enjoy.
Ah.
Incredible, huh? What happened to the whole 'I don't care if the walnut is a lesbian crack whore served on a Pap smear' rant? Come on, you've gotta keep up a little bit.
OK? This is This is diff This is food as art.
Alright? It's like an installation.
Tracey Emin would understand this walnut.
And you accuse me of being a wanker? Come on, look, I didn't come here to argue.
Alright? You told me I was a fraud.
Another starter, compliments of Marcel.
Organic tomato, fused with lime pith and quince, roasted over a 490-degree flame for six seconds Again, with complimentary You, who have never put yourself on the line for anyone Served with spelt millet loaf and garden arugula with pronounced astringent nuts.
Is anybody paying for shit in this place, mate? Sometimes I wonder if you know what that word 'friend' even means.
I know what it means.
Alright? Why did you even invite me here? What? Come on.
Hmm? You have got to be fucking joking.
What? You're going away.
Who knows when we'll see each other again? I need closure.
Don't you need closure? Hmph.
Hmm? Hmm Mm? Excuse the symbolism, but for old time's sake Mm.
Organic tomato, infused with self-indulgent, abject failure.
Consider yourself closed.
Here you go, take it easy.
Nicole? We're back.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, no, no, not in that chair.
He needs support for his back.
Right.
Hey? Here you go.
Here you go.
Easy, easy.
Here, I made some vegetable broth.
Oh, good.
It looks a bit gluggy.
Well, it was fine half an hour ago, so Oh.
We'll sort it out when we get home from work, hmm? Alright.
You just relax.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Cleave.
I'm right to come back to work.
The prosecution's case consists of actual footage of Abbott and Costello breaking into the building.
Um Phil then takes his mask off to catch his breath, and then remembers and pulls it back on again.
Vernon takes a toilet break holding a gun.
Are you OK? Dying.
But I suppose we all are.
Then there's a nice shot of a licence plate on the ute as it enters the building.
A ute which is registered to Phil.
Basically the entire defence case at the moment consists of me saying, 'I don't believe they did it.
' They didn't.
Should you even be up? It's safer for him here than it is at home.
It is.
Now, look, you contacted me because you said these blokes were friends of Mal's.
Is there any other connection I need to know about? In my world, friends of family are friends.
I realise your world doesn't work that way, not if you're willing to drag a dying mate in here to help you out.
You were born and grew up in the same area as these guys, though.
A lot of people are born in my area.
It's a working-class suburb.
We breed more than people from leafier suburbs.
Oh, what is this, Paris 1968? It's not a fucking class war.
My old man ran a hardware store.
His old boy What did your old? He didn't do anything too flash.
Now, look, you asked me to help you out with these knuckleheads, and that is precisely what I'm trying to do, OK? But I need a little more information.
OK.
I will ask around.
Go to bed.
Thanks.
Your dad really ran a hardware store, did he? Nothing I can't tell you about sheet metal, screws and surface plugs.
Hmm.
What? What's wrong with you? Why would two guys in Maintenance need to break in if they already worked there? I've no idea.
Maybe there were parts of the building they couldn't access.
Shit, I don't know, none of it makes any sense.
You know half of the security tapes are missing? Of all the floors in that building, only that floor was hit.
And the only thing that was stolen was some computers and a hard drive.
It sounds like a professional hit.
What do we know about this guard? Apart from taking an early retirement, you mean? Hello.
Hello.
Who are you? It's OK, Ryan.
Thanks for agreeing to see me, Denise.
I know it must be hard with me representing the accused.
No, it's not.
Please, come in.
Take a seat.
I'll put the kettle on.
Fridays are notoriously quiet in here.
Well, you wouldn't want it any other way, would you? I mean, you bought the place for tax, right? A tax write-off? No.
This is my only investment.
You're shitting me, right? A restaurant? A nightclub, maybe.
Seating capacity's 80.
Staff, a wanky chef, 320K a year.
Rent - 9.
5K a week.
How many partners are there? Five.
That's beautiful, mate.
You're getting a 390 grand annual tax writedown.
I don't pay tax.
I haven't paid tax for 12 years.
So what's the plan? Won't be missed back at work this arvo.
Well, as it so happens, I'm defending these two knuckleheads who are accused of stealing your laptop, amongst other things.
So? Well, mate, unless those laptops were petrol-powered with piston engines, I doubt my blokes could even switch 'em on.
Well you know, fuck me, probably after the drug money.
What's a computer worth out there in Shitsville? What happens on your floor? Mate, they were caught red-handed, on tape.
Pour lighter fuel on 'em and give me a match, but don't fucking ask for my help getting them off.
Today, Marcel will be cooking this line-caught wild salmon in three ways.
First, in a chicory fog with a reduction of sea urchin and wattle nettle jus Nah, I don't want any of this shit.
Just get the cook to knock us up a burger, pal.
Excellent choice, sir.
Felicity's saying you want a word.
Do I? Why do I want to do that? What am I looking at? Office furniture.
It's what this is all about.
Office furniture? Mainly a desk, this time.
It's a sort of, uh little bonus super.
We sell at the markets.
Right so you're prepared to steal from Australia's second richest woman for the sake of a couple hundred bucks worth of tax-free super.
See this chair? Yeah, but then it's gonna be reported stolen, isn't it? No.
Upstairs they don't notice.
They just say 'Get rid of this desk, I want a bigger one, ' or some hot shot say 'Change my office, I go Japan-style now.
' Well, hey, they don't ask what happened to it.
It just sits there and then after a little while we Vernon and Phil were meant to be getting a desk on the night.
Well well Vern injure his back.
I'm taking it none of you have read The Art Of War by Sun Tzu.
So the security guard, was he involved in this heist of the century? He's the one who is retiring.
This was to be his bonus.
So who killed him? We don't know.
But not them.
They're best mates.
Oh, I might have talked to that bloke once or twice, now, come to think of it.
Rod, you say his name was? He wasn't really a friend, though.
Then this will surprise you.
That was his coffin you were carrying at his funeral.
Guys, I went to Rod's house.
I met his wife and son.
Come on! If the company knows Rod was involved Whoever Rod is.
.
.
Denise won't get a bloody thing.
All Rod's super - gone.
You don't know the people we work for.
They eat blokes like us for breakfast.
For God's sake, do you think we'd still be working at our age if we were paid properly? Right.
So it's all about protecting Denise's interests.
The cops said he was killed at 1:21am.
I was in bed at 1 o'clock.
Guys, you have to tell them Rod was part of this.
It proves you didn't kill him.
No.
Not if it hurts Denise and young Ryan.
Now, I mean, you've seen 'em - how are they gonna make it? What is this, a lemming convention? Fellas, you're gonna spend the rest of your days in the slammer.
Oh, Barnyard, if we're gonna have a whisker of a hope here, choice of jury is gonna be vital.
Age is everything.
Your Honour, the Crown will present the jury with actual visual evidence confirming the break-in and ruthless, cold-blooded murder of Roderick Howley, a security guard gunned down by these two men, just five weeks shy of his retirement.
Forgive me, Your Honour, touch of the old lumbago.
Er, Your Honour, folks of the jury, now, I won't, uh won't take up too much of your time with my opening natter.
Been a funny old few weeks for me.
It's taken me back to more innocent times, when I was a little tyke and the family would gather round the old warm ray toasting jaffles, watching the Val Doonican hour on the old black-and-white, listening to Dad's hoary old war tales.
Great days.
Simple days.
Mr Greene.
Forgive me, Your Honour, but, uh, this is very much the world that my clients come from.
Now, folks I encourage you to have a look at my clients here.
Now, do they look like hardened criminals, or do they look like a couple of coves you might find at a church progressive dinner? Sure, they were up to a bit of mischief on the night in question.
Now, they don't deny that and, by gee, they regret it.
But, for them, it was a bit of a prank, you see.
Uh, what they vehemently maintain, and we will prove, is that they did not murder Roderick Howley.
God, he has to be joking.
Now, there you are, you see? I promised I'd be brief and I've been flappin' my gums about Val Doonican .
.
today.
Hope you won't hold that against my clients.
We know the time of death to be 1:21am.
The guard managed to push his way to the lift well and the camera filmed the shooting.
And this is precisely the time that we have these two hooded men brandishing a weapon inside the building? Correct.
Yes.
Not quite correct, is it, Detective? The footage of Phil and Vern entering the building was taken at 12:03am - before the time of death.
That's more correct, isn't it? Now, Your Honour, unfortunately much of the security footage is, uh, mysteriously missing, but we do have this bit here.
If I can What the? What the? Now, Detective, I don't have my specs with me, but would you be so kind as to tell me what time that says there? Correct.
And, Detective, would you say that the guard appears to be still alive at this juncture? Now, I know that calls for some speculation on your part, but the man does appear to be jiggling about.
Yes.
We believe the accused tied him up Mr Greene, please.
.
.
and then made their way to the 23rd floor, in which time the guard managed to pursue them, whereupon they turned on him, discharged their weapon, killing him.
Oh, gee whiz, well, then, my clients are guilty.
Sorry to hear that, boys.
Detective, if you would be so kind as to play the actual footage that shows this.
Well, there is none.
I beg your I didn't quite It's missing.
We only have footage of the guard waiting for the lift and the gunshot coming from the dark.
And so what you're saying is that the rest of this is pure conjecture on your part.
We have the accused in hoods, on tape, brandishing their weapons.
Who else would have killed him? Excellent question, and it's a shame you didn't ask it at the time.
At this point, I find myself wondering if you ever saw the episode of Perry Mason where You Honour, please.
Yes, I think we have well and truly overplayed that card, Mr Greene.
Your Honour, uh, Detective, my point is that you have never found the gun that killed Roderick Howley, and you have absolutely no evidence that my clients were in the TWE building at 1:21am.
You may answer 'correct' if you wish.
OK.
You don't deserve a thing, but I'm going to give you 20 grand from the sale of the house.
But if you argue with me or if you dare complain Wendy, that is just not fair.
OK, my point is this, and it's a legal one.
OK, just listen to me.
Hear me out And I'm going to start going down now in multiples of two.
OK, it's just Would you like a drink? Are you OK? Just minor argument with Roger.
No I'm not here on the rebound! He's been under a lot of pressure.
Pressure? The man's an osteopath, he rubs people's backs.
He's not just an osteopath.
He runs a huge clinic, he's got every living sports star in the country after him 24 hours a day, and our argument was over me wanting to give you anything.
OK.
Look, I don't blame you for wanting to move on and start anew.
Alright? God knows I was beating myself up every day in prison while I was there.
So, you know, you, Fuzz, moving It's of no value going over this now.
I've moved on.
OK? So should you.
Right.
And that's what the 20 grand's all about.
I'll send you the money tomorrow.
Oh, come on, it's 20 grand.
You said Fuck.
I thought there wasn't any security footage from the car park.
Apparently, they managed to retrieve some.
Well, that's very convenient, isn't it? Who's 'they'? The police? No.
Some technicians at TWE.
Sometimes we get a break.
Yeah.
And sometimes we get handfed a crock of shit on a bed of homegrown astringent arugula.
Well, either way, it's bad news for your clients.
It puts them in the building at the time of the death.
So do you want to change their plea? They didn't do it.
And you're wasting your time if you think they'll rat on a mate.
I've got an expert reviewing all the videotapes, but that's a long straw.
You should go home, mate.
You really look like shit - even I can see that.
Oh, thanks.
Maybe I should plead guilty and spend the next ten inside.
See youse.
See ya, Barnyard.
Goodnight.
Night.
So that's it, is it? All over.
Job done, stick in your bill, let's go eat some spatchcock.
Oh, hello, what are we, back in Paris, manning the battlements again? What do you want me to do? I've done Bing Crosby and cardigans and fondue sets - I've only got Nana Mouskouri left.
You know they are innocent.
Ask yourself, who has the money and resources to secure and then change time code on security footage? And why would they do it for a few stolen computers? Why would they kill someone? Because something went wrong.
OK? I don't know where or how, but this was a monumental fuck-up.
Tikki Wendon is trying to build a new casino Yeah, let's all get on the 'Tikki Wendon is Satan' bus.
What, you think there's no connection? This happened on one of her floors.
When did you people of the Left become so kind of tragic and desperate and conspiratorial and? You used to be so kind of cool and with your sunglasses and your cigarettes.
They came to my apartment.
Who? Vern and Phil.
I remember now.
They wanted to watch the UK Premier League.
Their set was broken.
It was a little after 1am, I think.
No, no, no.
That didn't happen.
I'm a witness.
Yeah, no, you're not.
It was Chelsea versus Wolvenhampton.
You have to put me in the stand.
Wolvenhampton.
There is no Wolvenhampton.
It's Wolverhampton and they're not in the Premier League anymore.
You're not doing this.
OK, I was This is not gonna happen.
You are not gonna perjure yourself, you're not gonna perjure me.
OK? I cannot do it.
And they will nail your arse to the floor.
Right, so maybe I was in a car No.
.
.
driving to It was a dark and rainy night.
Not gonna listen.
La-la-la! I stand corrected, it was a cloudless night La-la-la-la Unusually warm for that time of year.
A low of 19.
Mr Powell, you're gonna have to bear with me a little bit here, I'm afraid I'm a bit of a drongo when it comes to matters technological.
Every time my telly breaks down, I keep thinking of that dear old Peter, Paul and Mary song If I Had a Hammer.
Mr Greene.
Now, Mr Powell, you're the expert, you've seen the tape - what do you make of it? The time code clearly brightens and becomes sharper in the section in question.
And, um, this is the funny bit, looks like Claridion Bold and not Vestigon Light, which is the case with the rest of the footage.
But, um, Mr Powell, what exactly are you saying here? The security tape may well have been tampered with.
Tampered with? Wowie.
Thank you.
Your Honour, 'could have been tampered with'? What does that mean? Was it, or wasn't it? Well, Your Honour, now, we're not saying that the tape unequivocally has been tampered with, we are merely demonstrating that it's possible.
I'd like to call to the stand Felicity Finnane.
I work in a drug rehabilitation centre with problem youth in Liverpool.
I worked late on the night of June 21.
Had a really bad day and was driving home and my car just died.
At what time was this? Just after 11:30pm.
I was terrified.
My phone was dead and I didn't want to try and find a phone at that time of night.
No.
A drop-dead beautiful woman all alone on the side of the road - who can blame her? And suddenly, out of nowhere, these angels appeared.
By 'angels', you mean? Those two lovely men over there, in an old ute.
They fixed the - what was it? - the fuel line, I think.
What time was this? Just before one o'clock.
The gentlemen wouldn't let me get out of my car 'cause it was cold, so I listened to the 1am news.
Miss Finnane, I need you to be absolutely clear about this, because the prosecution's entire murder case hinges on the fact that these two men were in the TWE Tower at 1:21am.
Well, that's impossible.
They were with me.
Thank you, Your Honour.
Are you absolutely certain that it was these men? It was late at night, it was wet, bad street lighting.
I have perfect eyesight.
Or are you suggesting all older people look the same? Is it any wonder that the thinking public of this country have had an absolute gutful of our legal system, when two crims - and that's what they are - are captured on tape for all to see breaking into one of Australia's? I've moved my idiot stepson out of the building where he can do no harm.
I want this mess closed down with minimum fuss.
Six months home detention? Well, why not Oh, do shut up.
.
.
send them to a health spa for six months? I am sickened, I'm angry, and I'm Cal McGregor.
We're out, everyone.
Thank you, everyone.
Thank you.
What an honour.
The man of the hour.
Tikki.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Cal.
Everyone loves what you're doing.
And I've got a surprise for you.
Brand-new producer for the show.
Great.
Great.
Isn't it? A perfect pairing of minds.
He's a bit of a lonely chump, my stepson.
He needs your guidance.
I want you to become a trusted confidant.
Oh, and, pet, I want you to call me every day and tell me everything he does and says.
Hmm? You were Katherine Hepburn and Renoir, Thelonious Monk, all rolled into one.
You were a work of art.
I was good, wasn't I? Mm.
You were pretty good too for a lawyer.
I should head back.
Really? I thought we might you know, celebrate, have a little something to eat.
I suppose we could drink some more wine, open up to each other over Wagyu duck's breast.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You could reveal your vulnerable side and later outside, with the moon up, we could kiss.
And hey-presto, we're humping away in your bed - all because you got my late brother's friends off for a murder they didn't commit.
Was that your little plan? Oh look, you skipped so many of the finer details, but, um I don't do lawyers.
Sorry.
It's a French barricade thing.
But I am grateful.
Sometimes, very rarely, I go out with the sons of people who run hardware shops, but not often.
When might that be? Post the Revolution.
I know where you live.
You're right - I am a morbidly obese, non-literate fraud .
.
so let's do this.
There's a blob sitting on the end of the bed.
Mm
You're never to set foot in this house again! Let me give the bride away.
I'm a legal pariah, and your stupid fucking film's only gonna make matters worse.
Tikki Wendon's superbly imaginative plan to build an edifice By 'edifice', you mean 'casino', right? How much did I win? Marcel's, I'm in.
I can have a bank cheque for you tomorrow.
Oh, no, I did not mean 'Reply all'.
I did not mean 'Reply all'! Teatime.
Hit the floor, or I'll blow your head off! Got time for a cuppa, boys? Well, I wouldn't say no.
Thanks, Rod.
Colder than a nun's out there.
I got some of Denise's fruitcake here.
I told her you'd be popping in.
How's young Ryan going, mate? Getting excited? Mm.
I've been showing him road maps of where we'll be staying along the way.
Very excited, I think.
See that dog's breakfast of a game on Saturday? Burgess had his hand under it.
No way did that ball touch the grass.
You could see all that from the stand, could you? Well, yes, you could've seen it from Mars.
You comfy? I'll give you blokes ten minutes, then I'll hit the panic button.
Make it 15.
I gotta water the horse.
Like emptying a full bath, these days.
Regards to Denise and Ryan, mate.
They're on the wrong bloody level.
Hello? Can I help you? Whoo! Fuck yeah! What kind of fucking place doesn't do vodka shots with quinoa? Fuck! Calm down, Paulie! No fucking activated almonds? Am I fucking? Am I asking too much? Calm down.
Am I? Activated almonds? Where am I, Lobotomy Central? I thought you wanted sex.
Oh, I do.
of gruelling handwork.
It's open slather here.
Yeah.
I'm a fool for a chinwag, though.
Preferably something that doesn't involve the letters O-M-G or L-O-L.
Whoo! Is it? I love this shit! Ever read any Balzac? Who? Oh Don't worry - neither have I.
But I'm thinking maybe tonight's the night.
Bang, bang, bang! Why do you hang around with this fucktard? I'm a merchant banker.
He's Paul Wendon.
Stepson of the second richest woman in the country.
In 2009, there was 15 degrees of separation between me and Tikki.
That there is one degree.
Didn't happen to bring your mum, did you? Who's there? Who's?! Welcome, welcome! Kids! Come and say hello to Nicole and baby lain.
Come on.
Hi, Nicole.
Hi, lain.
Hi.
Hi.
Nicole's gonna be staying with us until she finds herself a place and until Daddy gets back to his old self, OK? Where's lain's dad? Hello, Maria.
Oh.
Hello, Barney.
Uh, Mum, this is Scarlet.
Hello.
Oh, Scarlet! Hello! Oh.
She said it's very nice to meet you.
It's lovely to meet you, too.
OK, let's get you settled.
Um, and then we've got to take Barney to the hospital.
Come on, kids.
It's alright.
Let's show them their room.
I'll grab those No, no, no, no.
- Yeah? - Hey, you.
It's me.
Shoshanna tells me I have an hour break in my diary.
I thought you might like to come join me for breakfast.
Uh, what is the Shoshanna? Is that a bedspread? Are you interested or not? Not.
I'm, uh, having a power breakfast with some clients.
OK, well, do you have your diary handy? Yeah.
Uh, well, I've got an appalling run of stuff this week.
Um, Friday? No.
Unless Shoshanna can triage my diary.
Do what to your diary? It's an expression.
No, no, no, no.
'Triage my diary' is an abuse of the language.
Friday's no good for me anyway.
My own diary passed away with renal failure last week surrounded by loved ones.
You are still pissed off with me about the damn film, aren't you? What? What are you talking about? I wasn't awake for long enough to have an opinion.
Look, I don't want to say goodbye like this.
I have to go back to the States soon to finish my novel.
A novel! Do tell! It's just hit me - you're jealous.
No, worse - envious.
The poison side of jealousy.
I've gone out and I've made a career and a name for myself and you are a still-life study of self-indulgent failure.
Oh, and you are the Kim Kardashian of the literary world.
OK, no, no.
You are a morbidly obese woman who sheds 100 kilos and then writes a book.
A novelist! Come on! Why don't you go get fucked? Oh, so Friday's off, then? Goodbye, Cleaver.
Good luck with the whole Tolstoy thing.
So you didn't see nothing suspicious? Everything was 100% normal.
Right, Vern? Yeah.
Yeah, it was a very ordinary night.
We had a cuppa, some cake.
Who would do this to Rod? Oh, if I could get my hands on that scum Vernon Arnold Walters and Phillip Ryan Granter, we are arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Rodney Howley.
Eh? Last round, darling, and then it's over.
The kids wanted to come up but I thought it was best No, no, no.
A little later.
Yeah.
When it's all over.
Yeah.
Hey, how'd it go with Ryan? Uh, he's still waiting on two of the Braybrook statements.
Oh, we should get going, then.
Hey, come here.
Hey So You should go.
You know she hates to be kept waiting.
So she's The first one, Scarlet, she's still your wife? Mm-hm.
And Nicole is .
.
you have a child with her, do you? Mm-hm.
And they both work together? And you all live in the same house? Mm-hm, we do.
Chemo's beginning to look relatively easy, then.
Mm-hm.
This State doesn't need another casino.
I'm sorry, but this is an emotional issue for me, alright? My old man, straight as a die, a banker, shot through because of gambling.
Came home from school one day and he wasn't there.
Mm.
It's a moving story but I wouldn't say any of that at the party meeting.
No, that is way too loser-y.
If you don't mind me saying.
We have a choice here.
Alright? A facility surrounded by a small nature reserve with a place for disabled kids, for old people.
Maybe even a small zoo.
Or we can just give over the land to another bloody casino for Tikki Wendon.
We have a zoo.
How often do you go? You've seen one giraffe You've seen 'em all.
Let's put out a poll.
No, no, no, no.
No, no.
No poll, alright? That is my decision - no to a casino.
And you think caucus will support you? Yes, I think both of them will.
I think we can knock out a poll by Friday.
Earlier.
Yeah.
What's with that shit about his dad? As you know, usually at this time, we're privileged to have the company of the wonderful Tikki Wendon to discuss the world of business and finance with us.
But last night, this great Australian entrepreneur, employer of thousands, suffered a personal tragedy.
Her offices were broken into, robbed and vandalised.
I even read an unconfirmed report on the net that said Tikki herself was threatened at knifepoint.
Now, she's apologised for not being with us today, but, friends, if I know Tikki, she's undeterred.
She's ready to right this fundamentally un-Australian wrong.
Now, this is an attack on Australian business.
This is an attack on our way of life.
For every dollar that TWE invests in this country, we citizens earn four.
Now, I'm no champion of big business, as you know, but for God's sake, people, Tikki Wendon is one of the good guys.
Where the hell is he? Morning, Tik.
Rene.
Paul.
So, what's the damage? Took about 15 laptops and smashed the mainframe.
Jesus.
God only knows what they've taken.
Everything's backed up.
There's no real problem.
They caught them.
Yeah, but what's on those computers? You know, and they got at the mainframe.
It's all encrypted.
Nothing happens on this floor of any consequence.
Which is why you are working here.
Still, you know, something might have, um, leaked out or Like what? I don't know.
Of all the departments of all the groups of all the companies in this city, they had to break into yours.
Tik, come on, that's Paul, the only reason I tolerate your presence here is because your father is still a great root and, for reasons beyond my comprehension, he seems to be fond of you.
Well, I guess Ha! Rene, darling, get this lot out of here.
I don't need them prodding around my business.
And then I want you to find out who they arrested and why they broke in.
I want to know what happened here last night.
Nicole! Nicole! Busy! I can't make head or tail of this Michael Thornton file.
This is the second attachment for the Braybrook files.
Did he insert the device into his anus before he went to the store or after he arrived at the store? It's Thornton Michael, it's not Michael Thornton.
And that second one is for the Land Commission Oh.
Oh.
His parents called him 'Thornton'? No wonder the man's got psychological damage.
See, that could be our defence right there.
Sorry, do you mind? I have a huge session today.
It's panic stations, so you can have Nicole when I'm through, if I get through.
Because if he popped it up his pooper before he went to the store, it'll obviously play differently in court This is not working for me! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for a hundred things.
I'm sorry you never made silk.
I am sorry that all your ex-clients prefer me.
I am sorry that you can't get a gig on the Commissions, but I did try.
Oh, yes, yes, I'm sure minutes of exhaustive toil went into that.
OK, I didn't try.
I don't want you anywhere near my Hearings Commissions.
I'm sorry.
I know what you're like.
Oh.
You grandstand, you'll undermine me and you'll just get in my road.
Scarlet Engels's chambers.
And Cleaver Greene's chambers.
No! No more! Yep, yep, she's on her way.
Now, you can keep your chambers down there for another couple of weeks and then you're on your own.
You might want to tell me when I haven't been.
And the same applies to Nicole.
She works for me now.
So, will you please leave?! Fuck off! Still inserted.
It's what he attacked the shop assistant with.
It was pretty ugly, really.
Lovely.
Mm.
Thank you.
And you shouldn't have antagonised her like that.
You have to handle her with kid gloves.
Ooh.
Cracks already appearing in the love walls.
This is a short-term measure to take the strain off him.
Yeah.
All three of you in that one little nest.
Poor sick old Barney in the middle.
That's a special circle of hell.
Felicity.
I couldn't find your number anywhere.
Uh, yes, sorry about all the this.
I was I'm getting the whole thing redone.
It was very old-fashioned.
I'm taking on some more people.
Hello.
I'm Nicole, I'm one of his 'more people'.
Ah.
Would you like a coffee? Uh, no.
Thank you.
I need your help.
Nicole.
Mm.
Uh, could you triage my 12 o'clock? Yes.
Almost too easy.
Some people I know, old friends of Malcolm's, they really were very good to him, they've landed themselves in some pretty serious legal trouble.
I said you might help.
So you broke into the building to steal what? A desk? But then you didn't, and then you left, and now you're charged with murder.
Well, that's pretty much how it happened.
Right, but-but you say that you did threaten and tie up the guard.
Tied him up, yeah, never denied that.
And then he was shot, but you say you didn't do it.
No.
Don't own a gun.
You were holding a gun on the monitor.
That was a toy.
OK.
So, uh did you know this guard? Uh, I never met him.
Phil? You work with him.
Might have seen him about.
Do you know how many people work in TWE Towers? There's more than 2,000.
So you're in the building, wearing tea-cosies on your head, holding a toy gun, like the Penguin about to break into the masked ball, but then you didn't steal anything.
Why not? Conscience.
When we got in there, we realised that there's no future in crime.
None.
None at all.
There's not much of a future in that story, either, fellas.
Come on, you're gonna have to throw me a bone here.
We didn't shoot him.
I'm not gonna get through this, am I? Yes, you will.
You're paid to say that, aren't you? Yeah.
Not nearly enough.
Did you know the chance of life, any life, on this planet is 0.
00000001 that anything exists? Elephants, plants, dogs, amoeba, tapeworms.
Yeah.
Incredible.
Cats, budgerigars, those little beetles that only appear at Christmas.
The fact that we exist is so totally random the idea that any human life is important is absurd.
Don't tell my mother that.
She's a Catholic.
Cancer often provokes these sorts of questions.
Life and meaning.
No, it provokes questions of utter meaninglessness.
Why have I brought another random child into this world? And now I'm gonna leave him and my other kids without ever knowing how they turn out.
Try not to worry.
You aren't gonna solve it.
Just get yourself better.
Sit on the beach with your beautiful kids, have a good glass of red.
You'll kind of remember what it's all about.
I suppose I have to go home.
Would you prefer to stay the night, if I organised it? Yeah.
I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of an abyss.
My wife has left me for her Zumba instructor.
I I feel that only Wendy can help me.
Thank you so much.
4:30? Marvellous.
Mason.
James Mason.
Thank you.
I shall triage my diary.
What the fuck is this? I am so proud of you for finally coming to terms with your sexuality.
I mean, that is that is a huge step, you know? And I think it's absolutely right that you acknowledge that to yourself and, uh, maybe to family, but I just .
.
I wonder about the wisdom of coming out on The Footy Show.
Well, I'll be there anyway for the handball competition.
Mm I I don't I don't know if those two ideas are really connected.
You know? I just Tell you what, can we hold off on that decision until after our session next week, do you think? Yeah, sure, yeah.
Yeah? Let's do that.
Well done.
OK, I'll see you next week.
Thanks a lot.
Oh.
Great.
I knew it.
Minute Libby told me that James Mason wanted to see me, I knew it was you.
Please go away.
Nanette.
John.
L-let me explain about the other night.
OK? First of all, Roger attacked me.
I never hit him.
No, but you tried to.
And if Roger wasn't such a magnificent physical specimen, you might have actually connected.
As it was, he subdued you in front of your son and my guests.
I admit I was emotional.
You lunged at me in front of my fiance.
And you sold the family home without telling me.
You did.
And that home was a half mine.
No! No! Yes.
No, no, no.
20 years ago, you stumped up the 10% deposit because of an unexpectedly slow track on Derby Day - all of the other payments were made by me.
You know, the time you spent in prison was the most peaceful time I have ever known.
The moment you get out, chaos reigns.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on, darlin'.
It's not I'm not the bad guy.
No.
Cleave, we don't use the term 'bad people' in my profession, alright? You are a developmentally arrested, infantile, dysfunctional narcissist.
And I don't want to see you.
OK? The era of the casual drop-in is over.
Oh, fucking great! So, Vernon and Phil have been with you here for 16 years and nobody can tell me anything about 'em? Well, they kept to themselves.
Yeah.
So, nobody ever said 'Hello, do you have kids, Vernon?' Ah! I think they both like tenpin bowling.
Ah.
Right.
OK, what about the security guard? He's been here sitting at the same desk every night for 20 years.
Nobody ever accidentally tripped over and said hi? No.
No.
Maybe once.
Oh twice.
But I tell you this - they did not kill him, no way.
Right.
OK.
And you know that because of their purported love of tenpin bowling? Yeah.
Do you ever go to the football, look at the crowd, and think, 'Everyone here at some point is gonna die'? You gotta stop barracking for Parramatta, mate.
That could well be the cause of your cancer right there.
There is no bloody order, no such thing as fate, just the certainty it'll get you.
Mm.
Jesus.
Think I preferred your mindless optimism to this shit.
We're alone, mate.
That's what I realise now.
No, we're not.
No, we're not.
We look after each other, don't we? You know .
.
to my mind, our friendship really comes to life in the courtroom, doesn't it? Hey? I mean, how many people's destinies have we saved over time? a dog fucker And how good did it make us feel? You know, I got a really juicy little murder just now.
Two sweet old guys, no alibi Cleave I can't.
What? I wasn't asking you for anything.
See you, Barnabas.
'Candice hugged the plane blanket' Cradled.
No - hugged.
Jet plane.
All planes are jets.
'.
.
like it was the lover she had just' No.
Just.
Only.
'.
.
only just only just left at JFK.
' Heathrow? Paris.
Rome.
Roma.
Make it a train.
Gardermoen.
Prague.
Everybody bloody leaves from Prague.
Budapest.
Don't know anything about Budapest.
I do.
Two cities - Buda and Pest.
What? I may have been a tad off-message when we spoke last time.
Really? You think? Off-message? A morbidly obese Kim Kardashian? Only in the literary sense.
Come on, can I make it up to you? No.
That would be impossible.
Oh, come on, let me try.
Triage your diary one last time.
Lunch.
On me.
Yeah? Come on, I will make it up to you.
Promise.
Where is everybody? Tuesdays are notoriously quiet.
Well, if Tuesdays are quiet, Fridays are Do you ever have a busy day in here? Please.
Ah.
So how is every little thing? Fine.
Thanks for asking.
Welcome.
Ooh.
These walnuts were grown in the Hunter Valley.
Marcel has taken the meat of the walnut and fused it with Tasmanian truffle oil, shaved fennel grown in his own garden, and an infusion of herbs and aged Benedictine, served on a lime and beetroot smear.
Enjoy.
Ah.
Incredible, huh? What happened to the whole 'I don't care if the walnut is a lesbian crack whore served on a Pap smear' rant? Come on, you've gotta keep up a little bit.
OK? This is This is diff This is food as art.
Alright? It's like an installation.
Tracey Emin would understand this walnut.
And you accuse me of being a wanker? Come on, look, I didn't come here to argue.
Alright? You told me I was a fraud.
Another starter, compliments of Marcel.
Organic tomato, fused with lime pith and quince, roasted over a 490-degree flame for six seconds Again, with complimentary You, who have never put yourself on the line for anyone Served with spelt millet loaf and garden arugula with pronounced astringent nuts.
Is anybody paying for shit in this place, mate? Sometimes I wonder if you know what that word 'friend' even means.
I know what it means.
Alright? Why did you even invite me here? What? Come on.
Hmm? You have got to be fucking joking.
What? You're going away.
Who knows when we'll see each other again? I need closure.
Don't you need closure? Hmph.
Hmm? Hmm Mm? Excuse the symbolism, but for old time's sake Mm.
Organic tomato, infused with self-indulgent, abject failure.
Consider yourself closed.
Here you go, take it easy.
Nicole? We're back.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, no, no, not in that chair.
He needs support for his back.
Right.
Hey? Here you go.
Here you go.
Easy, easy.
Here, I made some vegetable broth.
Oh, good.
It looks a bit gluggy.
Well, it was fine half an hour ago, so Oh.
We'll sort it out when we get home from work, hmm? Alright.
You just relax.
Bye.
Bye.
Hey, Cleave.
I'm right to come back to work.
The prosecution's case consists of actual footage of Abbott and Costello breaking into the building.
Um Phil then takes his mask off to catch his breath, and then remembers and pulls it back on again.
Vernon takes a toilet break holding a gun.
Are you OK? Dying.
But I suppose we all are.
Then there's a nice shot of a licence plate on the ute as it enters the building.
A ute which is registered to Phil.
Basically the entire defence case at the moment consists of me saying, 'I don't believe they did it.
' They didn't.
Should you even be up? It's safer for him here than it is at home.
It is.
Now, look, you contacted me because you said these blokes were friends of Mal's.
Is there any other connection I need to know about? In my world, friends of family are friends.
I realise your world doesn't work that way, not if you're willing to drag a dying mate in here to help you out.
You were born and grew up in the same area as these guys, though.
A lot of people are born in my area.
It's a working-class suburb.
We breed more than people from leafier suburbs.
Oh, what is this, Paris 1968? It's not a fucking class war.
My old man ran a hardware store.
His old boy What did your old? He didn't do anything too flash.
Now, look, you asked me to help you out with these knuckleheads, and that is precisely what I'm trying to do, OK? But I need a little more information.
OK.
I will ask around.
Go to bed.
Thanks.
Your dad really ran a hardware store, did he? Nothing I can't tell you about sheet metal, screws and surface plugs.
Hmm.
What? What's wrong with you? Why would two guys in Maintenance need to break in if they already worked there? I've no idea.
Maybe there were parts of the building they couldn't access.
Shit, I don't know, none of it makes any sense.
You know half of the security tapes are missing? Of all the floors in that building, only that floor was hit.
And the only thing that was stolen was some computers and a hard drive.
It sounds like a professional hit.
What do we know about this guard? Apart from taking an early retirement, you mean? Hello.
Hello.
Who are you? It's OK, Ryan.
Thanks for agreeing to see me, Denise.
I know it must be hard with me representing the accused.
No, it's not.
Please, come in.
Take a seat.
I'll put the kettle on.
Fridays are notoriously quiet in here.
Well, you wouldn't want it any other way, would you? I mean, you bought the place for tax, right? A tax write-off? No.
This is my only investment.
You're shitting me, right? A restaurant? A nightclub, maybe.
Seating capacity's 80.
Staff, a wanky chef, 320K a year.
Rent - 9.
5K a week.
How many partners are there? Five.
That's beautiful, mate.
You're getting a 390 grand annual tax writedown.
I don't pay tax.
I haven't paid tax for 12 years.
So what's the plan? Won't be missed back at work this arvo.
Well, as it so happens, I'm defending these two knuckleheads who are accused of stealing your laptop, amongst other things.
So? Well, mate, unless those laptops were petrol-powered with piston engines, I doubt my blokes could even switch 'em on.
Well you know, fuck me, probably after the drug money.
What's a computer worth out there in Shitsville? What happens on your floor? Mate, they were caught red-handed, on tape.
Pour lighter fuel on 'em and give me a match, but don't fucking ask for my help getting them off.
Today, Marcel will be cooking this line-caught wild salmon in three ways.
First, in a chicory fog with a reduction of sea urchin and wattle nettle jus Nah, I don't want any of this shit.
Just get the cook to knock us up a burger, pal.
Excellent choice, sir.
Felicity's saying you want a word.
Do I? Why do I want to do that? What am I looking at? Office furniture.
It's what this is all about.
Office furniture? Mainly a desk, this time.
It's a sort of, uh little bonus super.
We sell at the markets.
Right so you're prepared to steal from Australia's second richest woman for the sake of a couple hundred bucks worth of tax-free super.
See this chair? Yeah, but then it's gonna be reported stolen, isn't it? No.
Upstairs they don't notice.
They just say 'Get rid of this desk, I want a bigger one, ' or some hot shot say 'Change my office, I go Japan-style now.
' Well, hey, they don't ask what happened to it.
It just sits there and then after a little while we Vernon and Phil were meant to be getting a desk on the night.
Well well Vern injure his back.
I'm taking it none of you have read The Art Of War by Sun Tzu.
So the security guard, was he involved in this heist of the century? He's the one who is retiring.
This was to be his bonus.
So who killed him? We don't know.
But not them.
They're best mates.
Oh, I might have talked to that bloke once or twice, now, come to think of it.
Rod, you say his name was? He wasn't really a friend, though.
Then this will surprise you.
That was his coffin you were carrying at his funeral.
Guys, I went to Rod's house.
I met his wife and son.
Come on! If the company knows Rod was involved Whoever Rod is.
.
.
Denise won't get a bloody thing.
All Rod's super - gone.
You don't know the people we work for.
They eat blokes like us for breakfast.
For God's sake, do you think we'd still be working at our age if we were paid properly? Right.
So it's all about protecting Denise's interests.
The cops said he was killed at 1:21am.
I was in bed at 1 o'clock.
Guys, you have to tell them Rod was part of this.
It proves you didn't kill him.
No.
Not if it hurts Denise and young Ryan.
Now, I mean, you've seen 'em - how are they gonna make it? What is this, a lemming convention? Fellas, you're gonna spend the rest of your days in the slammer.
Oh, Barnyard, if we're gonna have a whisker of a hope here, choice of jury is gonna be vital.
Age is everything.
Your Honour, the Crown will present the jury with actual visual evidence confirming the break-in and ruthless, cold-blooded murder of Roderick Howley, a security guard gunned down by these two men, just five weeks shy of his retirement.
Forgive me, Your Honour, touch of the old lumbago.
Er, Your Honour, folks of the jury, now, I won't, uh won't take up too much of your time with my opening natter.
Been a funny old few weeks for me.
It's taken me back to more innocent times, when I was a little tyke and the family would gather round the old warm ray toasting jaffles, watching the Val Doonican hour on the old black-and-white, listening to Dad's hoary old war tales.
Great days.
Simple days.
Mr Greene.
Forgive me, Your Honour, but, uh, this is very much the world that my clients come from.
Now, folks I encourage you to have a look at my clients here.
Now, do they look like hardened criminals, or do they look like a couple of coves you might find at a church progressive dinner? Sure, they were up to a bit of mischief on the night in question.
Now, they don't deny that and, by gee, they regret it.
But, for them, it was a bit of a prank, you see.
Uh, what they vehemently maintain, and we will prove, is that they did not murder Roderick Howley.
God, he has to be joking.
Now, there you are, you see? I promised I'd be brief and I've been flappin' my gums about Val Doonican .
.
today.
Hope you won't hold that against my clients.
We know the time of death to be 1:21am.
The guard managed to push his way to the lift well and the camera filmed the shooting.
And this is precisely the time that we have these two hooded men brandishing a weapon inside the building? Correct.
Yes.
Not quite correct, is it, Detective? The footage of Phil and Vern entering the building was taken at 12:03am - before the time of death.
That's more correct, isn't it? Now, Your Honour, unfortunately much of the security footage is, uh, mysteriously missing, but we do have this bit here.
If I can What the? What the? Now, Detective, I don't have my specs with me, but would you be so kind as to tell me what time that says there? Correct.
And, Detective, would you say that the guard appears to be still alive at this juncture? Now, I know that calls for some speculation on your part, but the man does appear to be jiggling about.
Yes.
We believe the accused tied him up Mr Greene, please.
.
.
and then made their way to the 23rd floor, in which time the guard managed to pursue them, whereupon they turned on him, discharged their weapon, killing him.
Oh, gee whiz, well, then, my clients are guilty.
Sorry to hear that, boys.
Detective, if you would be so kind as to play the actual footage that shows this.
Well, there is none.
I beg your I didn't quite It's missing.
We only have footage of the guard waiting for the lift and the gunshot coming from the dark.
And so what you're saying is that the rest of this is pure conjecture on your part.
We have the accused in hoods, on tape, brandishing their weapons.
Who else would have killed him? Excellent question, and it's a shame you didn't ask it at the time.
At this point, I find myself wondering if you ever saw the episode of Perry Mason where You Honour, please.
Yes, I think we have well and truly overplayed that card, Mr Greene.
Your Honour, uh, Detective, my point is that you have never found the gun that killed Roderick Howley, and you have absolutely no evidence that my clients were in the TWE building at 1:21am.
You may answer 'correct' if you wish.
OK.
You don't deserve a thing, but I'm going to give you 20 grand from the sale of the house.
But if you argue with me or if you dare complain Wendy, that is just not fair.
OK, my point is this, and it's a legal one.
OK, just listen to me.
Hear me out And I'm going to start going down now in multiples of two.
OK, it's just Would you like a drink? Are you OK? Just minor argument with Roger.
No I'm not here on the rebound! He's been under a lot of pressure.
Pressure? The man's an osteopath, he rubs people's backs.
He's not just an osteopath.
He runs a huge clinic, he's got every living sports star in the country after him 24 hours a day, and our argument was over me wanting to give you anything.
OK.
Look, I don't blame you for wanting to move on and start anew.
Alright? God knows I was beating myself up every day in prison while I was there.
So, you know, you, Fuzz, moving It's of no value going over this now.
I've moved on.
OK? So should you.
Right.
And that's what the 20 grand's all about.
I'll send you the money tomorrow.
Oh, come on, it's 20 grand.
You said Fuck.
I thought there wasn't any security footage from the car park.
Apparently, they managed to retrieve some.
Well, that's very convenient, isn't it? Who's 'they'? The police? No.
Some technicians at TWE.
Sometimes we get a break.
Yeah.
And sometimes we get handfed a crock of shit on a bed of homegrown astringent arugula.
Well, either way, it's bad news for your clients.
It puts them in the building at the time of the death.
So do you want to change their plea? They didn't do it.
And you're wasting your time if you think they'll rat on a mate.
I've got an expert reviewing all the videotapes, but that's a long straw.
You should go home, mate.
You really look like shit - even I can see that.
Oh, thanks.
Maybe I should plead guilty and spend the next ten inside.
See youse.
See ya, Barnyard.
Goodnight.
Night.
So that's it, is it? All over.
Job done, stick in your bill, let's go eat some spatchcock.
Oh, hello, what are we, back in Paris, manning the battlements again? What do you want me to do? I've done Bing Crosby and cardigans and fondue sets - I've only got Nana Mouskouri left.
You know they are innocent.
Ask yourself, who has the money and resources to secure and then change time code on security footage? And why would they do it for a few stolen computers? Why would they kill someone? Because something went wrong.
OK? I don't know where or how, but this was a monumental fuck-up.
Tikki Wendon is trying to build a new casino Yeah, let's all get on the 'Tikki Wendon is Satan' bus.
What, you think there's no connection? This happened on one of her floors.
When did you people of the Left become so kind of tragic and desperate and conspiratorial and? You used to be so kind of cool and with your sunglasses and your cigarettes.
They came to my apartment.
Who? Vern and Phil.
I remember now.
They wanted to watch the UK Premier League.
Their set was broken.
It was a little after 1am, I think.
No, no, no.
That didn't happen.
I'm a witness.
Yeah, no, you're not.
It was Chelsea versus Wolvenhampton.
You have to put me in the stand.
Wolvenhampton.
There is no Wolvenhampton.
It's Wolverhampton and they're not in the Premier League anymore.
You're not doing this.
OK, I was This is not gonna happen.
You are not gonna perjure yourself, you're not gonna perjure me.
OK? I cannot do it.
And they will nail your arse to the floor.
Right, so maybe I was in a car No.
.
.
driving to It was a dark and rainy night.
Not gonna listen.
La-la-la! I stand corrected, it was a cloudless night La-la-la-la Unusually warm for that time of year.
A low of 19.
Mr Powell, you're gonna have to bear with me a little bit here, I'm afraid I'm a bit of a drongo when it comes to matters technological.
Every time my telly breaks down, I keep thinking of that dear old Peter, Paul and Mary song If I Had a Hammer.
Mr Greene.
Now, Mr Powell, you're the expert, you've seen the tape - what do you make of it? The time code clearly brightens and becomes sharper in the section in question.
And, um, this is the funny bit, looks like Claridion Bold and not Vestigon Light, which is the case with the rest of the footage.
But, um, Mr Powell, what exactly are you saying here? The security tape may well have been tampered with.
Tampered with? Wowie.
Thank you.
Your Honour, 'could have been tampered with'? What does that mean? Was it, or wasn't it? Well, Your Honour, now, we're not saying that the tape unequivocally has been tampered with, we are merely demonstrating that it's possible.
I'd like to call to the stand Felicity Finnane.
I work in a drug rehabilitation centre with problem youth in Liverpool.
I worked late on the night of June 21.
Had a really bad day and was driving home and my car just died.
At what time was this? Just after 11:30pm.
I was terrified.
My phone was dead and I didn't want to try and find a phone at that time of night.
No.
A drop-dead beautiful woman all alone on the side of the road - who can blame her? And suddenly, out of nowhere, these angels appeared.
By 'angels', you mean? Those two lovely men over there, in an old ute.
They fixed the - what was it? - the fuel line, I think.
What time was this? Just before one o'clock.
The gentlemen wouldn't let me get out of my car 'cause it was cold, so I listened to the 1am news.
Miss Finnane, I need you to be absolutely clear about this, because the prosecution's entire murder case hinges on the fact that these two men were in the TWE Tower at 1:21am.
Well, that's impossible.
They were with me.
Thank you, Your Honour.
Are you absolutely certain that it was these men? It was late at night, it was wet, bad street lighting.
I have perfect eyesight.
Or are you suggesting all older people look the same? Is it any wonder that the thinking public of this country have had an absolute gutful of our legal system, when two crims - and that's what they are - are captured on tape for all to see breaking into one of Australia's? I've moved my idiot stepson out of the building where he can do no harm.
I want this mess closed down with minimum fuss.
Six months home detention? Well, why not Oh, do shut up.
.
.
send them to a health spa for six months? I am sickened, I'm angry, and I'm Cal McGregor.
We're out, everyone.
Thank you, everyone.
Thank you.
What an honour.
The man of the hour.
Tikki.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Cal.
Everyone loves what you're doing.
And I've got a surprise for you.
Brand-new producer for the show.
Great.
Great.
Isn't it? A perfect pairing of minds.
He's a bit of a lonely chump, my stepson.
He needs your guidance.
I want you to become a trusted confidant.
Oh, and, pet, I want you to call me every day and tell me everything he does and says.
Hmm? You were Katherine Hepburn and Renoir, Thelonious Monk, all rolled into one.
You were a work of art.
I was good, wasn't I? Mm.
You were pretty good too for a lawyer.
I should head back.
Really? I thought we might you know, celebrate, have a little something to eat.
I suppose we could drink some more wine, open up to each other over Wagyu duck's breast.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You could reveal your vulnerable side and later outside, with the moon up, we could kiss.
And hey-presto, we're humping away in your bed - all because you got my late brother's friends off for a murder they didn't commit.
Was that your little plan? Oh look, you skipped so many of the finer details, but, um I don't do lawyers.
Sorry.
It's a French barricade thing.
But I am grateful.
Sometimes, very rarely, I go out with the sons of people who run hardware shops, but not often.
When might that be? Post the Revolution.
I know where you live.
You're right - I am a morbidly obese, non-literate fraud .
.
so let's do this.
There's a blob sitting on the end of the bed.
Mm