Ridiculousness (2011) s03e04 Episode Script

1 Get dirty, get dirty Welcome to Ridiculousness.
I am Rob Dyrdek, and today it's just the three of us having the time of our lives.
What do you say? Ladies and gentlemen, Steelo Brim and Chanel West Coast.
- You guys excited? - Yup.
Have either of you ever gotten an amazing souvenir from, say, a vacation, a trip, or something like that? No.
Like, who gets excited as hell about a souvenir in the first place? I'm gonna ask this again, okay? Tell me about the last souvenir you got.
I mean, I used to collect shot glasses, but then I realized I was only going boring places like South Dakota, and I was like, I don't want shot glasses from there.
And I just stopped.
So was the South Dakota shot glass souvenir the last one you got? Actually, I got a really bad souvenir there, which I think you heard about, but we'll not talk about that.
Whoa.
Can't get rid of that.
Like I said like, no.
No, I don't know.
I didn't hear it.
Because if I heard about any souvenir, I would've asked you.
- No, I mean, it I just meant - Oh, oh, was it a souvenir in the form of "jail time"? Yeah.
I got a mug shot as a souvenir, basically.
Okay.
Well, that's a pretty good souvenir.
All right, this category is all about slamming and having something to go home with.
Of course, your souvenir was getting arrested.
Parkour demolition team.
You're good.
Take it home.
Take it home.
Working on my summer Olympics in the winter.
And around and around Oh! I gotta get the peak the peak of that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- You're a full - Yeah.
Like, upside-down.
That's so scary there, dude.
Upside-down, floating.
He's got an amazing steel pole to go home with.
Uh-oh.
Here we go, big dunkin'.
Take the whole thing home.
Oh! How 'bout a little wall? Oh, my God! Hey, you always want something to remember your broken leg by.
Oh, yeah, bikety makes flippy-twisty.
Oh! You can use it to light your room.
Why do you got a bulletproof vest on? Grandma gonna shoot you with a BB gun? You are spider-man-like, and you, my friend, are gonna get yourself a brand-new balcony.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Look at his weird-ass friend right here.
What are you up to? Apparently, they're filming a robbery.
Let me ask you this.
You ever travel? You ever been out of the country? Only Mexico.
Okay, did you get super drunk? Yup.
Okay.
All right.
Steelo, you ever been you ever been out of the country? Nah, man, I haven't, actually.
- You got a passport? - Yeah.
Okay, what for? He's got one just in case.
Okay, okay, okay.
I-I've been all over the world, okay? But I've never been to Russia, and it seems like an incredible place, right? Because Russian people seem like they're really drunk, right? I'm half Russian.
As Americans, we're drunk off beer.
We're beer, right? But over there, it's vodka.
- Yup, that's my drink.
- Straight vodka.
Right? So they're they're a lot more crazy than we are, right? So I've decided to create a category, not "Redneck Good Times," but "Russian Good Times.
" Take a look.
We love to hunt with vodka! Oh, uh-oh! Russia, Russia.
Russian night club in forest.
He has no teeth.
Underwear only, teeth optional.
He dances like you, Rob.
You wanna know what? When I see him, I think about myself in the club.
He is swimmin' it, man.
We've seen enough, sir.
We've seen enough.
In Russia, we like to take our pants off and climb cabinets.
Yeah! Okay, this is weird.
What? Yeah! Is this the passing lane? Russian Nintendo.
Oh, you lost.
Fuck.
Okay, let's do again.
Let's do again.
Ah, damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
Not fair.
Let me let y'all know right now, hip-hop travels a long way.
This is a music video in Russia.
Yeah.
It's just low-budget.
It's just low-budget.
It's just low-budget.
Fake suicide.
Later.
Oh, my gosh! I didn't see there was a rope attached at first.
I thought she was gone.
This is what they call a Russian sleepy pill.
And you fall.
- Somebody stop him.
- Oh, my God! You're good.
Get to bed.
Get to bed.
I'm good.
I sleepy now.
I sleepy now.
That's it.
That's a Russian sleeping pill.
Yeah.
We will be right back with more Ridiculousness.
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
Okay, I feel this running theme today, and it's all about alcohol, right? Recently, I went to a friend's wedding, right? And I danced my heart out.
I mean, I'm talking, like, I mean, offensively, right? Like, where I, like but I had lost the keys to my hotel room, and I went to kick in my door, and I kicked the door as hard as I could.
It bounced me off, and I-I fell, like, a full story to my back and then fully blacked out.
Okay, so it was not pretty, but I was straight up and down sideways, like everybody else in this segment called "Sideways".
Sittin' sideways Little bit of day drinking at the mall can get real complicated on the way out.
Shop till you drop, drunk boy.
You're good.
Oh, where we walking? We walking forward or backwards here? I tell you what, why don't you just lay down? Why don't you just lay down? Oh.
- This is a battle of good and evil.
- Yes.
Like, good is trying to take him home.
Evil's trying to bring him back to the bar.
Go home, man.
Go home.
Go home.
Apparently, the good has helped him here.
You can get there.
You can get there.
You can get there.
Oh, man.
Enough's enough.
Take a take a load off.
- Uh-oh.
Uh - Oh, man.
- Okay.
Oh - Lookit, his leg starts off sideways.
Look at it.
In his mind, this is straight up and down right here.
Uh-oh.
Come on, man.
Why does he have a briefcase? - Who would employ him? - He's ju Hard-working drunk businessman coming through.
If you don't mind, I'm just gonna take my pants off.
Walking home in traffic today.
I'm gonna use this car to keep me upright.
That's the only thing holding him up, only thing.
Oh, okay.
Oh, man, you are so lucky.
One more.
No, no.
Oh, man, it's over with.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
It's over with.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Oh, you got another car.
You got another car.
You're fine.
All right, you big ol' chunky muscle man.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
He's literally sideways here, trying everything he can to get this fat lump of meat to go backwards.
You got it.
Stop the forward momentum.
Oh, stop it, stop it, stop it.
Stop, stop eight, nine, ten Oh! Dirty-ass mud feet, man.
Okay, what do you think of when you hear the word "Mils"? Money.
Mils, we're talking millions.
Mils, millions.
We're talking dollars.
We're talking money.
I'm talking Mothers I'd Like to Slam.
Okay.
This category is dedicated to moms going down hard.
- Yeah! So let's play it.
- Take take a look at "MILS" Get in there, mama.
Oh! I gotta get the impact.
She didn't break that thing.
She blew it apart.
Bouncy mom, bouncy mom.
Mama's on a bike.
Gun it, mama.
Oh, yeah, good job.
Oh! Good job oh, no, oh, no! Hey, at least you didn't hit the tree.
Vacation mama.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
You're gonna put your small child in a boy thong, you deserve to slam.
In a boy thong.
Yeah, I hope there's not a a gravelly road in front of me.
Oh! Yep, there most certainly is.
Yeah, all right, kick ass, mom.
Let's see how far you can gun it.
Out of your league, mom.
Aw, yeah.
Oh, babies are poppin' and a-flyin'.
Oh! Oh.
Oh.
You recorded that.
They hate her.
Oh, man, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Uh, what? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Look at her.
She's like, "let it free.
Let it free.
" Go ahead.
Y'all, I just want to dance and party with all the young people.
You are so sexy.
How old do you think she is? Look, she's 32.
But look at this.
She hits the ground, and she's all of the sudden, like, 64.
Lookit.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Man, that's what a bad slam will do instantly age you 30 years.
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
Let me ask you, guys, what happens when you are so wasted you can barely stand up.
How often does that happen a week? A week? I don't party that much, dude.
- Yeah, come on.
- I don't.
When's the last you stood up and fell over due to alcohol.
Uh, I can't remember, so that's a good thing.
Can't remember because you were drunk.
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
We are having some fun.
Let me ask you guys something.
Do you live by the motto "live fast, die young"? - Uh - I don't.
I mean, I want to live fast and die old.
Okay.
And then what do you want to do once you die? What? Go to heaven? She's gonna think about that way too hard, dude.
Wait, go to heaven? No, you want to leave a pretty corpse.
- Oh, yeah, that too.
- Right? So we have all of these videos where it's people that slam and then disappear right into their own grave.
All right, let's take a look at "Early Graves".
I'm surfing a car! Now I'm gone forever! It hurts too much.
I'm gonna die here.
I love this scooter.
Oh! Good-bye.
- Man, I'm so drunk, I just want to bury myself - Oh! Is he okay? No, he's dead.
Oh, where we going? Where you headed? To an early grave.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
It ain't that early, 'cause you're pretty old.
I think it's time to die.
I just realized something.
That's a tennis match going on.
Who's that turned up at a tennis match? Me and my boys just bombing a hill, looking to go to an early gra oh! Grave, grave, grave.
- I felt like the second dude, like - He faked it.
Yeah.
Watch this.
See? Oh, I'm running.
I'm running.
Oh, I want to fall! He changes his direction, look! I want to fall too.
Oh, man, it hurt so b Oh, God, that hurt so bad! You're a liar.
Okay, check it out.
This next category I absolutely love because it's it's it's it's the accidental perfectness of a viral video.
And we call it "Instant Karma".
Right? Now, what what happens in instant karma? Explain to the people.
Uh, you do something messed up, and then something messed up happens to you right after? That is right.
That is right.
Give it up for her, y'all.
Give it up for her.
Shit.
I'm proud of you, okay? Stop.
Let's take a look at one of my favorite categories, "Instant Karma".
Oh, this is gonna be so good.
Two icy things of water.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Let's murder sea life.
Let's murder some sea life.
Oh! Oh! Oh, God dang, he's got you good, Nick.
Little bit of shin blood.
It's going down.
I hate trash cans.
Oh! Oh, shit! Oh, shit, what, bitch? Derek, come on.
Oh, we on some shit like that? We gonna are we karate kicking, bitch? I'm a black belt, bitch.
Oh! What? What? What? What? What? - Did you did you hear him? - What? The funny thing is, the one in the red said, "I'm a black belt, bitch.
" Did he? I'm a black belt, bitch.
"I'm a black belt, bitch!" Oh, my God.
I'm gonna throw this ball at the back of your head.
Oh! Okay.
All right, cool, I'm gonna get the net up.
This is gonna be so funny.
I'm gonna net this shit.
Like, when he comes in, I'm gonna put the net, like, right Okay, okay oh! Nothing going on here.
Nothing going on here.
Okay.
Go back like, go back and just look look how hard he hits his face.
Okay, you wanna know what? Fuck this.
Outta here.
Outta here.
That's what you get.
You wanna set up your friends, you're gonna pay a price.
We'll be right back with more Ridiculousness.
Welcome back to Ridiculousness.
Just the three of us, having the time of our lives with a whole lot of people.
Okay, when you hear the words "know when to let go," what are the first things that come to mind? Bad relationship.
Exactly, right? That's right.
Let my ass go.
I'm not right for you, okay? - That's what you tell them? - Yeah.
And then what if they don't? They never do.
If I never let go, I can't fail.
Let it go! Whoa.
Oh! All right.
Why are you doing this in the first place? Let go, let go, let go! Let go! That was the slowest fall I've ever seen in my entire life.
Okay, things are going bad.
Things are going bad.
Get off the bike.
Get off the bike.
Get off the bike! All right, now, somebody's going to slam into something.
You just don't know when it's gonna happen.
- Oh! Uh-oh, uh-oh - Oh! Oh, go ahead, kitty.
Pick a side, kitty.
Pick a side, kitty.
Oh.
Oh.
What's that? Planking? Okay.
Door planking.
That's kind of impressive.
That's actually kind of impressive.
Uh-oh, uh-oh.
Let go! Let Okay, all right, you're good.
You're fine, you're fine.
No oh! Oh, oh! Oh! No! Oh, no, no, no, no! Ohhh! Whoo! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Imagine the emotion.
You just planked a door.
You're living on top of the world.
Oh, my God, you flipped over the back of the door, into a trash - can, but rather than letting go - Oh! Oof! I don't know why.
Something creepy about breaking fingers, you know what I mean? All right, sometimes when we're looking for clips, we just put two random words together, and we find absolute gold.
The two words that we searched "can can".
What do you think we are going to find when we searched "can can"? A person dressed as a can in a can? That's very creative.
That's very creative.
What about you, Sterling? I would've just thought about some hood-ass nickname.
Hey, look, Can Can! Come here! Come holler at me.
Okay.
All right, let's let's take a look at what we found when we searched "can can".
Oh, look out, girl.
Oh! Oh! Go back, go back, go back.
Oh! This is the first time I've not liked side boob.
What? What? That is aggressive.
That's a whole another level of side boob, seriously.
Okay.
That's not even side boob.
That's waist boob.
All right, check this out.
When you've got cans like that, you can smash cans with 'em.
Oh, no.
Watch that.
Get in there, girl.
Oh! How did that feel? Oh, God.
This is what happens when you have giant, massive jugs, and you're trying to impress people at a bar.
You know what I'm saying? All right, that is it for our show.
I am Rob Dyrdek, for Steelo Brim and Chanel West Coast, we'll see you next time on Ridiculousness.
Next time on Ridiculousness Dana White, ladies and gentlemen! Just go for it.
He didn't commit to that one.
Freeway ha-ha thong action.
Here's my headstand to my 6-foot face bump.
- What an idiot.
- How 'bout a vagina slap? I didn't even know chicks did that.