Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators (2018) s03e04 Episode Script

1 Argh! The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.
Whoo! And the crowd go wild! So, who is it you're playing, again? Oh, well, that's not my line.
I am Fourth Toga from the left.
Hm! But the director did say that I stab Caesar with aplomb.
I thought Julius Caesar was stabbed with a knife.
You wouldn't get far with a plum, would you?! You, sir, are a philistine.
No, I'm not.
I've never been to the Middle East.
FRANK LAUGHS Ooo, hide the swag, the Feds are here.
Ignore him.
Come in, come in, have a seat.
Hello.
It's not official business, Frank.
This is my friend Poonam.
She needs your help.
Bring mead, my good man.
Anyone for tea? The kettle's just boiled.
How can we help you? I'd like you to look into to the death of my friend.
Haroon Malik.
Right.
Er how did he die? He was crushed by falling carpets.
My dad, Mr Raja, owns Freddie Freeman's Factory Flooring.
Oh, the carpet stores! Oh, right! I just I just thought they were owned by someone called Well, Freddie.
Huh! Well, McDonald's isn't owned by somebody called Ronald.
Poonam came up with that marketing campaign.
Did you? Aw! I live for carpets, I do.
LUELLA LAUGHS So, you don't think it was an accident? No, I don't.
I was supposed to meet Haroon for lunch.
He was excited, said he had something to tell me.
Then the night he died, he sent me this message.
READS: It's not what you think.
Your dad's safe.
Poonam.
When Haroon landed a job at the company, I asked him if he could keep an eye on my dad for me.
He said he would.
Were you not in touch with him yourself? I haven't seen him or my family for nearly four years.
Why's that? When I came back from uni, my dad was working way too hard.
I suggested to my sisters that we take on more responsibility.
They agreed.
We had a family meeting, and when I brought it up, my dad accused me of trying to steal the company.
Parthi and Pia sided with him and I was kicked out of the house.
I tried to get in contact a few times over the years, but he refused to talk to me.
All I ever wanted was what was best for my dad, and the family business.
And you think whatever Haroon was going to tell you got him killed? I know it sounds crazy, but that message was so strange.
No, I never thought my dad was in any danger, plus there's no sign of Haroon's phone.
Did the police pick it up? No.
But he must have had it because he sent me the message.
What's Keeler saying? Coroner ruled accidental death.
He doesn't want to know.
Do you think your sisters are involved? To die the same night he sent the message Haroon's mum and I just want to put our minds at rest.
Where did the accident happen? The head office warehouse.
OK, we'll head over there and have a nose around.
Sebastian, check the local stores, see what the staff are saying.
I'd like to come, as well.
The staff might talk to me.
Be my guest.
Would you like me to come? Oh, don't worry, we'll be fine.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Sebastian? You might want to get changed.
LUELLA CHUCKLES Excuse me.
Parthi Raja? Just there.
Thank you.
Er Parthi Raja? Mm.
Could we have a word about Haroon Malik? Who are you? Oh, sorry.
We're Shakespeare and Hathaway: Private Investigators.
Haroon's mum has asked us to look into his death.
It's already been thoroughly investigated.
She's grieving.
Sometimes it's hard to accept the facts, isn't it? She just needs reassurance.
We won't take long, promise.
Quite a set-up you've got here.
Do you mind if we have a look around while we talk? This is, um Oh.
Where it happened? Haroon was stood next to the rolls when they toppled.
The report said a chain snapped? Mm.
A stupid mistake.
There were too many rolls for the size of the chain.
And he wasn't found until the next morning? Everyone had left for the day.
Oh.
Wow! So he was all alone.
That is a horrible way to go, isn't it? That's my biggest fear, that is.
I thought it was drowning? It is.
Drowning, alone.
Do you mind if I take a few? My mum gets all her carpets from your place.
Yeah, cos she Lives for carpets, she does.
THEY SPEAK IN OWN LANGUAGE Excuse me.
Wish we could understand what they're saying.
We need to get a look inside Haroon's office.
I'll nip back, see if I can have a word with Mr Sunshine.
OK.
Uncle Vikram always feels his problems take priority.
Family, eh! Actually, he's been with the company from the beginning.
We call him uncle out of respect.
Actually, it would be really useful if we could look at Haroon's office, wouldn't it? Would that be OK? There really isn't anything to see.
The few personal effects he had were sent home.
Yeah.
We just need to cross the I's and dot the t's.
THEY CHUCKLE Just out of respect for his mum.
Thanks.
Lu? You haven't got a power bank, have you? Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
It's in the car.
I'll catch you up.
Yeah, I've switched to wood.
Big mistake.
I bet the carpets at your place are gorgeous.
I am going to switch back.
Is it, um is it all right if I have a look around? What is it you're looking for? Oh, you know, maybe a nice shagpile, something hard-wearing for the hall.
I meant Oh.
Yes, right.
Well, we've got to write this report, so we just need to make sure we've ticked all the boxes.
You know, looked around the office - tick.
Asked a few questions - tick.
For example, where were you the night he died? Er I was at home, watching TV with my sister.
Nice.
Oh, I did have one more question, actually.
Kitchen - vinyl or tile? I keep watching all these makeover programmes and it's all about polished concrete.
Have you noticed? I don't watch them.
No? Let me guess, more of a soaps girl? Look, is this going to take long? INCOMING CALL Oh.
Yes? OK.
Come to my office.
Are you done here? Yeah, nearly.
Really nearly.
I just need to go and attend to something.
I'll be back shortly.
OK.
Hello.
I wonder if I could have a quick word? No English.
Sorry? No English.
No English? No English.
Really? Huh! No English? No English.
Fair enough.
This has only closed recently.
How can you tell? Ahem! Ash and I may have passed the odd 4F's store on Sunday drive.
What a romantic way to spend a Sunday afternoon, the carpet shops of Warwickshire! And the East Midlands.
Of course.
How delightful! Ash is a sucker for carpet shops.
Aren't we all! What are you doing? Oh! Sorry.
I was just, um I was just admiring your picture.
Is that the family? Yeah.
Yeah.
See, I'm an only child.
I've always wondered what it'd be like to have sisters.
We're really quite busy.
Let me guess.
This one here on the left, that's you, isn't it? That's Pia.
I'm on the right, Poonam in the middle.
Shall we? Oh, yeah, no, I can see that, I can see that now.
Are your sisters around? No.
That's a shame cos it would be nice just to have a chat to them, just to maybe help us a little bit with our report.
Pia's on annual leave.
Poonam doesn't work with the company.
What about your dad? He very rarely comes in these days.
Oh, hello.
Everything all right? Yep.
Look at this.
LUELLA CHUCKLES Which one of these do you think is Parthi? You'll never guess.
The one on the right.
Shall we go? Good luck with the report.
Thanks.
Thank you.
Thanks.
SHE SIGHS Uncle Vikram claimed he couldn't speak English.
What - not even to your standard? HE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY I saw him reading his clipboard.
He's definitely hiding something.
What did you make of Parthi? She's a cold fish, doesn't make her a killer.
INCOMING CALL Sebastian.
Anything? The store we went to was closed.
Closed, or closed down? Closed down.
Empty as a understudy matinee on a rainy Tuesday.
Well, try the others.
Oh, Mr Hathaway, we are one step ahead of you.
Out of 12 stores, only one is still open.
Why are they moving all these carpets? And what are my sisters up to? Poonam, could you help get Haroon's personal effects and bring them to the office? Yeah, of course.
Thank you.
Hiya.
I need your help.
Lunch delivery.
Oh! I thought she said just a few personal belongings? Mrs Malik couldn't bring herself to show us what was what, so we brought it all.
This is really hard.
Yeah.
So, what have you found out? The staff had heard of the accident, but none of them knew Haroon personally.
They were worried about the store closures, though.
It all happened very quickly.
If the carpets aren't going to their own stores, where are they going? Maybe they're selling them online.
If they are, it's not under the 4F's banner.
How did you meet Haroon? We met in university.
He was going out with one of my housemates.
We just all started hanging out.
Oh, right.
So, you two weren't? No! Nothing like that.
I'm done.
Nothing.
OK.
So, you two, find out where the carpets are going.
Follow one of the delivery trucks.
Another lunch on the go.
It's about time we talked to Mr Raja and Pia.
Let me know how Dad is? Make sure he's OK.
Of course, yeah.
There's an inscription.
READS: My dearest Haroon, my love for you knows no bounds.
P.
Mm.
What P's that, do you think? Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest.
Eh? Are you? SHE SIGHS THUNDERCLAP READS: If money go before, all ways do lie open.
Quoting Shakespeare doesn't make you cultured.
Works for Sebastian.
Yeah, well, he doesn't read it from a book.
Ha! READS: For which of my bad parts didst thou first fall in love with me? HE LAUGHS None.
Come on! Are you the PI's? Yes, that's us.
Have you got five minutes? Yeah.
Thank you.
Well, as far as we're concerned, the police and HSE have done a thorough investigation.
Mrs Malik is still grieving.
Yeah, I can understand that.
Haroon was a beautiful human being.
I know this is a bit of a personal question, but, um were you and Haroon romantically involved? No.
We were colleagues.
And, I would like to think, friends.
What about your sister? Parthi? No, not at all.
You seem very sure about that.
I know my sister.
I'm sorry, would you mind if I used your toilet? Just down the hall, first door on the right.
Thank you.
HE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY Huh! Do you mind if I? They're my favourite sweets.
Er Thanks.
Thanks.
HE CHUCKLES So, what do you do there? Head of Sales.
So, Haroon would have been one of your associates? He was.
There was so much we were going to do.
I imagine sales are pretty stressful at the moment.
Sales is always stressful.
Especially with so many of your stores closing down.
That's because of restructuring.
You know, youngest is code for favourite.
Yeah, I think my sisters realise that, as well.
With Pia, it was always dead legs and headlocks.
With Parthi, it was more psychological.
The joys of sisterhood.
I had Vi.
She's always been there for me.
We used to get into so much trouble when we were younger.
Once, she took the blame for me when I stole a copy of Mizz Magazine.
Ooo, I remember that! Ahem! I think, um some of the girls at school used to read it.
So Viola has a nefarious past! Well, actually it was probably me who was the nefarious one.
Maybe that's why Vi joined the force.
HE CHUCKLES She thinks the world of you, you know.
I can't say it's entirely escaped my notice.
Ooo, there's one now! Ahem! Who the hell are you?! These are delicious.
Are you sure you don't mind? Er no.
Oh! I don't get much chance to watch TV these days.
Me neither.
Except for the night that Haroon died? Get out! Er Dad? Get out! Yes, I was just looking for the loo.
Sorry.
It's it's not here, is it? Get out! Dad! Er Dad, this is Who the hell are you? Mr Raja I don't care who you are, just get out! Come on, Frank.
Get out! Thanks for these.
Dad, it's OK.
Huh? There was just this one locked cabinet in the study, so I found the key, was about to open it and he walked in! I had to just leave, take it with me.
What - the filing cabinet? Yeah.
It's amazing what you can fit in a handbag.
There was only one cabinet that was locked and they'd hidden the key, which made me think, well, what else are they hiding? You know, we need to get in there, we need to see what's in it.
How are you going to do that? I don't know, actually.
Well, come on, don't just sit there, you've got to drop me off.
Oh, have I? Oh, OK.
Taxi for Mr Hathaway, is it? Mm! Hey-hey! READS: And though she be but little, she is fierce.
HE LAUGHS It's you! Tiny, fierce woman! Arr! Eh? Get out.
HE LAUGHS Arr! This is one of our biggest rivals.
What are they doing here? Let's find out.
Just like that? Of course.
I will be Cornelius, a slightly-harried junior doctor who's rather annoyed that you've brought him here on his day off.
And I'll be Miranda, your social-climbing wife, who is very house-proud.
Enchante! On y va! And then, he was chased off by a bear! HE LAUGHS Oh, I'll, er see you later.
FRANK LAUGHS By a bear! VIKRAM SIGHS Eh? Oh! Why didn't you want to talk to me? Do I have to? Well, not technically, no.
Well, then, I choose not to.
You might want to talk to her, though.
Is this your car, sir? Yes.
I think there's more to this than meets the eye.
I can't control what you think.
I've got a suspicious mind.
When someone refuses to talk to me, I think they're hiding something.
Do you know anything about Haroon's death? He was in the warehouse at night when he shouldn't have been, the carpets fell.
You don't seem very bothered.
I didn't know the guy.
Did you secure the carpets, then, did you? If I had, they wouldn't have fallen.
Look, can I go now? Your front off-side's a little low, but the rest are fine.
Thank you, Officer.
I know there's something you're not telling me.
SEBASTIAN CHUCKLES Poonam kept them busy looking for the perfect shade of mushroom, while I found an invoice for those four fiendish F's - Freddie Freeman's Factory Flooring.
I live for carpets, I do.
No, but seriously, she says it would be impossible to sell at these prices and turn a profit.
Why would they be selling at a loss? If their carpets are so cheap, why not sell them in their own stores? Maybe they're wholesaling them.
Why not just say that? When I mentioned the store closures, Pia seemed thrown.
Do you think Haroon found the answer, and that's why he's dead? If he did, odds are it was in the warehouse.
And we still haven't found the phone.
Or why he sent that message.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not like Mr Raja was in any danger.
So, are we saying the sisters killed him to stop him exposing whatever it is they're up to? That's a theory, yeah.
We haven't got any proof yet.
And then there's the inscription.
Did you see the way Pia reacted every time we mentioned Haroon? Unrequited love? Maybe.
It would help if we knew who wrote the inscription.
Is Poonam coming back? She is.
She's just parking.
Do you think Poonam wrote it? She has a boyfriend.
Never stopped me.
Or me.
Or me.
Huh! Which is why we need to get a sample of her handwriting, take her out the frame.
OK, here's what we're going to do.
Sebastian, I want you to find out where their super-cheap carpets are coming from.
Oh, I'll go back to Mr Raja's.
If he's calmed down, I might be able to get in that cabinet.
No idea how! I'll go back to the warehouse, try and look at Parthi's office.
KNOCK AT DOOR Hiya.
Hiya.
How was my dad? Yeah, he seemed safe.
Good.
We, er we met Uncle Vikram.
Oh, great.
He didn't seem very happy about us being there.
His bark is a lot worse than his bite.
I've known him since forever.
He taught me how to drive a forklift.
Really? Yeah.
Oh! While you're here, would you mind just writing down exactly what was in that text message from Haroon? Thanks.
It's just that we found this.
And you thought it was me? Well, it's signed P, so we had to check.
Do you recognise the handwriting? It looks familiar.
Could be one of my sisters.
I can't say for sure.
Sorry.
Hello! Hello, Mr Raja.
Hello.
You must be one of Poonam's friends.
She'll be out in a minute.
Why don't you answer your phone? Forget about that.
The key is missing.
Which key? Which one do you think?! Those investigators turned up, they had a run-in with Dad.
Hello.
You must be one of Poonam's friends.
I just thought I'd get a bit of gardening in before the girls come back home from school.
Are you not a bit chilly out here? Yes, I've almost finished here.
OK.
I think I'll take a nap.
Oh! OK.
Oh! I'd better clean myself up.
The wife will give me hell if she thought I was taking mud into the house.
Oh, dear! HE CHUCKLES Oh, dear.
Huh! What have you done with Dad? I left him at home.
Why'd you do that? You need to get back there and make sure he doesn't do any damage.
What about the key? Forget about the key for now, just get back home.
INCOMING CALL What?! OK, I'm coming.
SHE EXHALES MESSAGE ALER FOOTSTEPS APPROACH I think I ought to have a nap.
OK.
HE CHUCKLES Oh, er you'd better go sit down.
Hm? Poonam will be down in a minute.
Oh.
Right.
Will do.
And what the hell do you think you're doing?! Er I'm searching for the truth.
Yeah? Looks more like theft and trespass to me.
Don't do anything you're going to regret.
Maybe I won't regret it.
Maybe I'll say it was self-defence.
Y-You you taught Poonam how to drive the forklift truck.
How do you know Poonam? Put the hammer down and I'll tell you.
Haroon was her friend.
She hired us to find out what happened.
She thought a lot of you, you know.
Well, she was a good girl, Poonam.
I didn't like that she left.
She didn't leave, she was forced out by Parthi and Pia.
Is there something you're not telling me? I found Haroon snooping in Mr Raja's office, so I went straight and told Parthi.
It was that night that he had his accident.
And you don't think it's an accident? Everyone said it was, I I gave the girls the benefit of the doubt because of their dad.
Look, we can find out what really happened, but I need your help.
Why would I help you? You'd be helping Poonam.
What are you looking for, anyway? Whatever it is they've been shredding.
Why? Because those are the documents I think Haroon was searching for.
Well, you're not going to find anything in here.
But I might have some old paperwork that could help.
Yeah? Are you sure? It's perfect! This is very exciting! It's so exciting! READS: When we are born, we cry that we are come to this great stage of fools.
Blimey! You ever heard of the phrase, "going equipped"? Maybe I should put this back, and this.
OK.
Huh! So "safe" doesn't mean safe as in, not in danger, it means safe as in, somewhere to keep your jewellery.
But I still can't figure out the "Poonam" bit at the end of the message.
Mm.
Are you delivering chocolates or summat? Eh? Come on, let's go.
Er What? It's cold outside! And it looks good.
Can I come? These have been in the bottom of my drawer since I left.
Let's hope they haven't changed the locks or codes.
Well, there's only one way to find out.
RAPID BEEPING It used to be my dad's date of birth.
Try someone else.
Try Parthi.
ALARM WAILS THEY EXHALE Look, we have to hurry, now.
Sh! Happier times.
Um how many goes do you think we get at this? I'd say three.
But whatever you do, hurry up.
Security's bound to have called it in.
That was Parthi's date of birth.
HE SIGHS Try your dad's.
Come on! No, stop! Stop! Stop! Actually READS: It's not what you think, your dad's safe.
Poonam.
Try yours.
Now what do we do?! I don't Poonam.
Poonam.
Why Poonam? Try this! Try putting in the numbers if I spell out Poonam on the keypad.
Hurry up! 7-6-6 .
.
6-2-6.
Yes! What is the betting this is Haroon's phone? And I bet he's put the evidence we need on it.
I'm taking this.
You can't.
They'll know! I don't care.
It's going with me.
The safe! Not your hand, not your hand! Come on.
Long time, Poonam.
I should have known it was you behind all this.
That's theft.
It's mine as much as yours.
I'm going to have you arrested for theft and trespass.
In fact, anything you've taken from these premises is our property.
We know what you're doing, and we have the evidence.
Evidence of what? We found Haroon's phone.
I want everything! Do you know, you're absolutely right, it does all belong to you.
Including this.
Where'd you get that? We found it amongst Haroon's possessions.
Cos you're a big fan, aren't you? I saw that quote on your office wall.
But maybe Pia needs to brush up on the bard, huh? No! Pia, don't take it! Interesting inscription in the front.
You told me I was getting too close.
To back off.
Spend more time with Dad.
And all that time, you wanted him all to yourself.
It wasn't like that! You killed him.
You said you'd caught him stealing documents, that you were protecting us.
The night he died, you told everyone that you were with me, but you weren't.
You were here, killing my Haroon! THEY GRUN Stop! THEY SHRIEK Hold that! Vi, they killed Haroon! Why did you do it, Parthi? Hm? And to let Dad take the fall? He's in cloud cuckoo land, he doesn't know any better.
But he's our dad.
Our dad?! All you get out of him is, "Poonam this", and, "Poonam that".
I was the one who did all the work, I made all the sacrifices! And I was going to be left all on my own.
Well, you had your sister.
Her?! What would I want to do with that idiot? I've spent my life looking after this family, don't I deserve something? Don't I deserve love? Is that why you killed Haroon, because he didn't love you back? Yes! METAL CLANGS POLICE RADIO PC Deacon, what the hell is going on?! Ah, Sarge.
I've arrested Parthi Raja here for the murder of Haroon Malik.
And, alongside her sister, Pia, for fraud.
Any evidence, other than Frank Hathaway's word for it? We've got evidence, Sarge.
They were bankrupting their father's business by diverting funds into an offshore account.
An offshore account? Yeah.
There was £2 million in a company called Puck Consultants.
And they were invoicing the 4F's for non-existent work.
Their suppliers are owed thousands.
As fast as the carpets were coming in the front door, they were selling them out the back for a cut-rate price.
Pocketing the cash.
They heard Parthi confess to the murder of Haroon Malik.
And it looks like he was gathering evidence on his phone of the fraud.
She killed him to keep him quiet.
And Pia's admitted to giving her sister a false alibi for the night he died.
And I've got a recording of that on my phone.
Put them in the van.
Did you two break into here? Actually, it's my dad's company.
I let them in.
You want to pick your friends more wisely.
He'll ruin your career, like he ruined his own.
Er I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
Let's go.
Take care.
Thank you.
OK.
Huh? Eh? Was out of my head, that.
No book.
Cultured.
Mm.
BIRDSONG Dad? Dad? Poonam! HE LAUGHS Dad! Oh! Mwah! HE LAUGHS Where've you been, huh? You should be staying at home more.
Huh? You're not going out again, are you? I'm not going anywhere, Dad.
Good.
Good.
There's your friend! Ha-ha! Heh! Hello, Viola.
Hello, Mr Raja.
Yes, I hope you two girls haven't been getting into a lot of trouble.
Eh? Are they your friends, too? We're just going.
HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE HE LAUGHS SHE MUTTERS SHE SIGHS DOOR CREAKS OPEN HE SNORES FOOTSTEPS APPROACH Aw, look, he's waited up for us! FRANK CHUCKLES Fool! BANG! SEBASTIAN COUGHS Oh! You haven't been arrested, then unfortunately.
Did you find anything? Not only did we find something, Parthi and Pia are in custody.
Yeah, and Poonam is with her dad.
Aw! I'm delighted for her.
You enjoying that? A man may part with time and coin, but bread is forever sacred.
That's not Shakespeare.
Isn't it? No.
Are you sure about that? Yeah, I Where's my Complete Works?! Who really said that? Me, just now.
THEY LAUGH Do you want a bit? He's checking! THEY CHUCKLE