Slings and Arrows s03e04 Episode Script
Every Inch a King
[whirring.]
acorn media [voices, glasses clinking.]
Richard? Man: Come in! Woman: See some more like that.
Ann! Have you seen the reviews? Raves! Oh, fucking amazing.
Yeah! Fucking raves! Wait--get ann a glass! Oh, thank you.
I haven't had breakfast yet.
Oh, thank you.
Isn't that great? Raves! It's wonderful.
Congratulations to the whole cast.
Yeah.
Woman: And big dick.
I'm sorry? Big dick--richard.
I got a new nickname.
Big dick stood up to darren and told him the truth.
Darren got himself an education from big dick.
Woman: Ha ha! We love you, big dick! We love you! And right back towards you guys.
Uh, dick-- richard Could I talk to you about a couple of things? Oh, yeah, sure.
Go for it.
Ok, I can't get a straight answer About the political situation in bolivia, But the foreign ministry Is pressuring us to send the troupe back Even though alvarro says they'll probably be shot, So obviously we can't do that, But the canadian government Refuses to issue a new visa, So it's a huge mess.
Damn, richard gots a day job.
[laughter.]
Ok.
Anna, is there more? Yes! There's the "lear.
" It's opening tomorrow.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
Go on.
Ok.
Well, press requests are pouring in.
Everyone wants to interview barbara, So we have to convince them To interview other actors.
[laughter.]
You overbooked the v.
I.
P.
Section So that's a problem, And the minister has asked For two more tickets for her party.
Do you want me to go on or Yeah, sure.
Basically it's a big day for us, So, you know, when you're ready.
Relax, anna, i'm on it.
I forgot to tell you that maria-- Nice, nice.
[coughing.]
Ok, richard, this is too much! Anna! It's my opening night party! That was last night.
Well, I haven't gone to bed, So technically it's still last night.
Oh.
Oh, anna, come o-- Ha ha ha! On.
My play just got rave reviews.
The cast loves me.
This is really huge.
Now, can we just be happy for 10 more minutes? Please? Five.
Let's get high! Man: when life takes its toll and fate treats you bad you're used to getting cable, and now you get ads along with your fool you think you'll go mad it's nice to take a walk in the rain a stomp through the storm is what i'd advise when people you trust go lovely with love and kidnap your friend and gouge out his eyes it's nice to take a walk in the rain 'cause I know daughters are evil plotters i'd hate to have to shout will really keep you sane when all has been said and all have been slain it's good to take a walk in the rain for several hours helps to have a howl in the rain without your clothes on nice to take a walk in the rain Anna: He'll be right out.
He's just Dealing with some things.
Richard.
Richard! Hmm? Maria would like to speak with you.
Oh, yeah, maria.
What's up? Ok, uh, richard, I feel really uncomfortable Telling you this, but-- Oh, no, no.
You know, previews are always a little rocky-- Yeah.
Well, we open tomorrow night, And charles is having trouble with his lines And his blocking.
He's having a lot of trouble, And well, it's been very difficult Trying to talk to geoffrey, And, well, i'm concerned about the production.
Ok, maria, you've been a valued stage manager At this festival for what, 8 years? Yeah.
Have you ever seen reviews like these? Richard, I need to talk to you about lear.
Yes.
Today's matinee is our last preview-- Wow, these are good.
Yes! Do I have a hit or what? Shit.
He does care.
He's just Happy.
That can be distracting Happiness.
I wouldn't know.
Charles: Blow winds! Pray, blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, Spout till you have drench'd our steeples, Drown'd-- Ha! What's the line? Drown'd the cocks You sulphurous You sulphurous and thought-executing fires, Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts, Singe my white head! [mumbling.]
WhatLine? Crack nature's moulds Crack nature's moulds, An germens spill at once, that make ingrateful man! Good nuncle, in, and ask thy daughters' blessing.
Is that the cue? Yes! Isn't there something else? We covered the first part.
When? Two weeks ago.
What's wrong with you? You've never seen a full-on fucking Train wreck before? Man over p.
A.
: This intermission, Head on over to our gift shop.
A bit rough out there, eh, ducky? Bloody awful.
You never know when he's gonna go off.
You never feel safe.
It's like the blitz.
[knock on door.]
[door opens.]
Geoffrey: Hey, charles.
How are you feeling? My mind is racing.
I think it's the retaxal.
I took it with the proctosol this morning.
I don't usually take them t-t-together.
Huh.
[clears throat.]
Where's your bag? Lower shelf.
Ahh Want me to do it? [sobs.]
Please.
Come on.
Oh, i'm So sorry, geoffrey.
Oh, come on.
Why? You tried.
That's all.
I don't think I can do this.
I don't know where I am From one moment to the next.
You just rest, ok? I'll fix you up.
We'll see how you feel after the intermission.
Here I stand, your slave, A poor, infirm, weak, and despised old man.
There you go.
See? You know the play.
Uh I'm really scared, geoffrey.
Well, that's fantastic.
You're the one who pushed me into this.
Higher purpose, remember? Well, what higher purpose involves heroin? We have to stop.
Now.
You know, you having second thoughts, That really doesn't help me.
Maybe this is an exercise in exploitation.
What? I thought if we helped charles, It would help me, but that's not really A charitable motivation, is it? I'm not used to thinking about Other people and their needs.
I'm not going to heaven.
I'm probably going to hell.
Or worse, limbo.
Oh, no, it's happening.
Shit! You stop with that fading stuff.
[knock on door.]
Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.
This is really, really, really a scary situation.
Well, live theater is scary, ellen.
It's kind of like relationships.
I'm not attacking you.
We're concerned.
We're all very concerned.
Well, your concern is noted, And it is appreciated, But you gotta believe me, he can do it.
He hasn't yet.
Ellen, for god's sakes, he's playing lear.
Lear! A frail old man.
If he appears occasionally weak, That's not a problem.
He's not playing lear.
He's living lear.
That's the problem.
Huh.
Would you have some faith.
What? Have a little faith.
Faith in what? In, uh In a higher purpose! Is that supposed to be reassuring? Charles: Here's 3 on's are sophisticated.
Thou art the thing itself: Unaccommodated man [thunder.]
Is no more but such a poor bare, forked animal as thou art.
Off, off, you lendings! Come unbutton here! Prithee, nuncle, be contented; 'tis a naughty night to swim in.
Now a little fire in a wild field Is like an old lecher's heart; Ha ha! Ha ha! A little spark, and all the rest on's body cold.
There, you see? He can do it.
For 10 minutes a night.
It's a 3-hour show.
No, it's not.
It's 2 hours, 56Max.
[applause.]
Sophie, you were slow in the fifth act.
Pace, pace, pace, for christ's sake.
So we go for drinks, yeah? I don't think so.
Hi.
Hi.
Great show.
Thanks.
Ok, um, this is much, much worse than usual, right? I mean, something really, really Has to be done, right? Oh, yeah.
Ok.
Richard, we need to talk.
Ok, this one is imitation silk, So it's a little bit more expensive.
And this one has a leather strap, brass buckle-- What are they for? The musical.
You know, uh, mugs, t-shirts, gifts, caps.
They're gonna make great gifts for the cast, And then we are gonna sell them in the gift shop At such a mark up, It's gonna be like the "cats" t-shirt, you know? Like, everyone's got one of those, right? I mean, i've got one.
Do you have one? Yeah.
You gave me one for christmas 3 years ago.
See? They make great gifts, huh? Can we talk about work? Real work? All right, the minister is arriving at 7:00.
I've sorted out the muddle in the v.
I.
P.
Section.
I've scheduled interviews for members of the cast Other than barbara, so you see, I am on top of it, anna.
Good.
That's good.
Yeah, so you see, it is possible to have fun And do your job.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
Are you stoned? No! I had one puffMum.
We need to talk about the "lear", please.
I saw the matinee.
Charles is really erratic.
Ok, look, anna, Can we talk about this later? Come on, i'm really swamped.
We open tomorrow.
People are very nervous.
Yes, and i'm sure geoffrey is on top of it.
Things come together at the last minute in theater, Anna, so you just have to have a little faith.
In what? The process.
Eh? [sighs.]
Wait, anna.
Can you see my nipples through this fabric? I mean, we open tomorrow night, And I don't think charles can do it.
Well, is that your problem? I mean, he asked you.
It's a charitable act.
Well, I don't know that it is.
I mean, if he's calling for a line every 10 seconds, If he's stumbling around the stage lost, Is that charity or is it public humiliation? And why am I doing this in the first place? I don't know.
Oh, you think this is all about oliver.
I don't know.
Is it? I don't know.
Ok, i'm gonna try something that might Seem a little odd.
It's just an exercise.
Take a moment and breathe.
[breathes loudly.]
It might help if you close your eyes.
Good.
Yes.
Now, imagine that oliver welles Is sitting in this chair.
Really see him.
Try and see as many details as possible-- His clothing, the expression on his face.
Can you do that? Yeah, I can do that.
Now, I want you to talk to him As if he was really there.
About time you showed up! Good.
You dragged me into this and then you bailed on me! Yes, good.
I panicked.
I encourage you to panic with me.
This whole enterprise is doomed to fail.
He will be humiliated.
We all will be.
Well, that's never stopped you before.
This again.
You know, I did not wave my magic staff And make you have a mental breakdown.
You did everything but! You're really good at this.
When are you going to accept responsibility, Geoffrey? My responsibility for what? For what? What Your betrayal-- My betrayal? Good.
Let's talk about that.
About what? The betrayal.
No.
He betrayed me! You seduced my girlfriend! I thought you said oliver was gay? And why did I do that? You wanted me to push you.
You wanted to be a great actor, And I made you into one.
This is such bullshit! No, I think it's going pretty good.
And then he left.
You left.
You broke my heart, geoffrey, And now i'm dead.
Oh, are you suggesting that I killed you? No.
A pig truck killed me.
You tortured me for 7 years.
And then on that night I tried to call you-- Oh, go to hell! I am in hell! No! You're not in hell! You're in limbo! Well, how do I get out? Well, how the fuck should I know? This has been really helpful.
Thank you.
I didn't think it would go that well.
I mean, that was a remarkable thing to witness.
I think we should keep going.
No, I think we're done.
Thanks.
Ok, on Monday I can see you-- No.
I think we're quite finished, Thank you very much.
Geoffrey, we're making progress.
Ok, bye, everybody.
You're running away again! [door closes.]
He always does this.
Do you have coffee? In the spoon drawer.
Hey, it says here that they're making a series About the manson family.
That's disgusting.
It's fantastic.
Sharon tate was found By her black, middle-age housekeeper.
That's a great part for me.
Ah, shit! Leave it.
I'm gonna get someone To come in and clean up.
Hey, great dress! You look hot.
I am hot.
I'm sweating.
You're just nervous.
Take some of my rescue remedy.
Argh! Why am I doing this? A professional meeting on opening day? Because, sweetheart, You have neglected your career for too long.
I really don't need this kind of pressure! WhatPressure? Everything chris tells you today Is gonna sound stupid.
He is gonna pitch some show Where you're a futuristic cop With a chip implanted in your head That makes criminals glow.
Or you're a nurse in love With a drunken brain surgeon And you perform his operations.
Just listen and nod And tell him you're very interested.
What if i'm not? Well, don't panic.
Everything's gonna change before you start shooting.
Mine did.
Didn't you play a lizard queen from another galaxy? Yes, and you should have heard How that one started out.
[grinding.]
[playing music.]
Hola.
Man: Good morning.
Hola.
I brought you some tin bits.
I think there's a couple of crullers In there, too.
Oh, muchas gracias.
[speaks spanish.]
Um, i'm still having trouble with your visas.
Oh, visas? [speaks spanish.]
Anna: And I think the situation is very bad In your country.
I think the general is a bad man.
[speaking spanish.]
[murmuring.]
He wants to go back and fight.
He's very stupid.
No, no! Tell him he can't go back until it's safe.
[speaks spanish.]
[knowing murmurs.]
What did you say? I told him that you wished him to stay Until the political situation is stable.
Oh, good, yes.
Thank you.
Yes, and would you tell them That they're all invited To the opening of "king lear" tonight? Oh, muy bien.
[speaks spanish.]
What's happening? [singing in spanish.]
They are singing a song for you.
Oh, that's so nice.
I have so much work to do.
You should stay.
It would be insulting to leave.
I'm sorry i'm late.
I took the bus.
Chris, this is my agent, olive harlow.
Chris was just describing the project.
Oh, please, i'll play catch-up.
So we've been working with linda laplante, Who created--stop me if you know this-- But "prime suspect.
" Oh, my god.
I love that show.
Ellen, you are so helen mirren.
I always said it.
She's the canadian helen mirren.
Haven't I said that? She has said that.
So this character is a detective? Investigator.
In--i'm gonna be up front with this-- Space.
Space? I know.
I know.
When I first heard space, I was like, No space! But you strip away that science fiction stuff And what you have, essentially, Is a workplace drama, And she has this complex, Passionate relationship With somebody 15 years younger.
And is somebody Don't worry.
He's human.
Oh! Ha! Are these chicken strips for anyone? Uh-huh.
It's the core relationship Of the series.
We think there's no reason That a successful, beautiful woman In her 40s wouldn't attract younger men.
Right? I'm sure it happens.
I find older women attractive.
I'm sure i'm not alone.
Well, there's probably a few of you out there.
Somewhere.
Maybe in space.
Book me a rocket.
Ha ha! Uh, I suppose the next step Is to get you the scripts, And I understand that there will be Some contractual problems with the-- Oh, it's nothing.
My contract does extend through this season.
Yeah, but it's nothing.
[cell phone rings.]
Oh! Excuse me.
This is embarrassing.
I'll have to take this.
Hi.
This is huge.
This is buy a house on salt spring island And get out of the business forever huge.
Just keep playing it cool.
I'm not playing it cool.
This is apathy.
I don't want to do this.
I shouldn't even be here.
I'm opening "king lear" tonight.
Ellen, all these years, I've been very loyal to you, And to be perfectly frank, I've never made a penny off of you.
Now, don't be stupid.
Do not screw this up for me.
I mean you, ok? Huh.
Sorry about that.
What art thou? A very honest-hearted fellow and as poor as the king.
If thou be as poor for a subject As he is for a king, thou art poor enough.
What wouldst thou? Service.
Who wouldst thou serve? You.
Dost thou know me, fellow? No, sir; but you have that in your countenance Which I would fain call master.
What's that? Authority.
Ahh This is an amazing line run.
Follow me; thou shalt serve me: If I like thee no worse after dinner, I will not part from thee yet.
Dinner, ho, dinner! It's a different charles.
What did you do? I shot him full of heroin.
Shoot me up, too, will you? I could use the help.
Couldn't we all? Kent: That which ordinary men are fit for, I am qualified in; I know charles has been a nightmare, But it's really encouraging To see you deal with the stress In such a Reasonable way.
What do you mean by reasonable? No consulting with your invisible mentor, No one-sided conversations in the wings.
You know Oh, yes.
He's not helping me with this one, No more than most.
Decidedly is not.
Oh, no, no, no.
He has washed his hand of the entire thing, That sketchy little bastard.
Huh.
How do you go from the "gallagher metamorphosis" To "king lear"? What brought you back to new burbage? The audience.
I want the thrill of performing In front of the people.
The people affect your performance.
You can feel them.
Out there in the dark, You can feel them watching you, And you act for them.
Can we do that again? I sounded like a retard.
Ellen fanshaw, terry hart.
Ellen does all her work in the theater.
Fantastic.
Woman: Oh, for god's sake, have a drink.
It's shakespeare.
Man: Richard! Richard, over here! What we need is a picture of the cast.
Sure.
Woman: Richard.
Yoo-hoo! Oh, minister! Welcome.
Interesting glasses.
Thank you.
I just got them.
Oh.
Wait.
Kids, cast.
Cast, cast, cast.
Pictures for the minister.
Here, get in here.
Don't.
Minister: Back off.
Richard: Smith-jones.
Can I talk to you for a second? You're-- I'm chris norton.
I'm an agent.
Oh, uh-- Friend of ellen's.
Right, right.
Yes.
The buzz around "east hastings" Is incredible.
Oh, thank you.
We're very excited.
Richard, I know buzz.
This is good buzz.
You have to take this to a much larger venue Or at least extend the run.
Yeah, I don't-- You know, we've got this ukrainian clown troupe Coming in next and-- Yeah.
Clowns are great.
Here's my card.
Call me.
Break a leg.
[whistles.]
He hasn't signed in.
Did you call? No answer.
Uh How much time do we have left? 15! Ugh! I'll have to warn jerry.
What? No, no.
We don't open without charles.
Oh, thank god.
I mean, I could-- Jerry knows it better than charles! I have a beard.
Where? At home.
Oh.
My wife's 9 months pregnant, but I can-- No, charles is our lear.
Even if charles arrived right now, He wouldn't be ready by 8.
He needs at least a half an hour.
Uh, an hour and a half.
Ugh! All right, i've got an idea.
We can use the bolivians.
They're in the audience.
We'll make an announcement, something like, "excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, "we're experiencing a slight technical glitch, "and while we're dealing with it, "why don't you enjoy the musical stylings Of los perdidos?" I do kind of know it.
I mean, i'm there for you.
Kind of.
Well.
Guess we're holding the curtain.
Spread the fucking word.
"king lear.
" Have a seat.
There we go.
Minister, I am so, so sorry that We could not accommodate Your--your ticket requests.
It was the norwegian ambassador and his wife.
I--I know, it just, it--it's such a hot ticket.
Well, it's fine.
They rented a dvd.
Oh, good.
Just next time, Just let us know a little bit ahead of time.
Wow! Oh, my god! Great seats! Yeah, thanks for the call.
Big dick.
Both: Big dick, big dick, big dick! [laughs.]
Woman: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
We are experiencing a small technical problem.
While we're dealing with it, Please enjoy los perdidos.
[applause.]
[music begins.]
[singing in spanish.]
[phone rings.]
Oliver: You've got to let jerry go on.
Oh, you're back.
Now, go away.
I agree, it won't be much of a lear, But it's better than an evening of Bolivian folk music.
No.
No understudies.
That's not why i'm doing this.
I know, you're fulfilling a dying man's last wish.
Yeah, that's it exactly.
But what if he's already dead? [los perdidos singing faintly.]
[phone rings.]
[new song begins.]
[murmuring.]
Is itSpanish, or is it chilean? hey! I think bolivian.
Where's bolivia? Is it in Spain? It's a country.
Hah.
Excuse me.
Both: Bye, dick! [clears throat.]
Geoffrey! What the hell is going on? Those bolivians are really Starting to grate.
Charles isn't here.
Well, where is he? In heaven if he's lucky.
I don't know.
Well, geoffrey, What are you gonna do? There are people waiting! Like--like the minister of culture, The press Geoffrey, make the call, for god's sake.
We're canceling.
Uh! Ahh No--nobody move! Geoffrey, no! Where's everyone running to? Oh, not to worry, ducky.
You'll get your pint early tonight.
Oh! [los perdidos play.]
What are you gonna say? Well, i'm going to say that charles is sick And we're canceling.
But--geoffrey! We've never cancelled An opening, not on the night, Not an hour after the fact! Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there? Geoffrey: [laughs.]
[laughing.]
W-w-whoo! You have to make the announcement.
What! I can't.
I can't do it, I gotta get out of here.
Where are you going? I'm gonna go find charles.
[trills.]
hoo, hoo! Los perdidos! Los perdidos.
[applause.]
Boy, don't you just love The haunting music of chile? Uh--we're bolivians.
You certainly are.
[disgruntled chatter.]
Minister, I am so sorry-- I could've watched "lord of the rings" With the norwegian ambassador In the back of my car, richard! Yeah, i'm-- i'mSorry.
I tried to tell you! Ok, anna, you're the model Employee of the month.
You did your job.
Good.
Now I need you to go back to your office And write a press release.
We'll release it in the morning.
I think-- Hey, no more views.
No more--come on! No-- I think you should talk to the cast.
Some of them are pretty upset.
You know, I think i'll do that In the morning.
'cause right now, i'm gonna get drunk.
Charles? Charles? Charles! Charles: I'm in here! Oh, jeez.
I fell--and I-- Co--couldn't very well get up.
Are you all right? Get me a towel, for god's sake, I'm freezing.
Did you put jerry on? No, no.
I cancelled.
Oh, god, i'm sorry.
I heard the phone ringing.
I just couldn't very well lift myself up.
Here, i'll get you out.
Give me your hand.
Here, take it.
All right.
Ok.
Up you go.
[grunting.]
[dance music plays.]
My parents drove 4 hours From peterborough for my big debut.
Oh, don't worry, dearie.
It's all part of the life.
This was the worst opening of all time, was it not? Oh, no! Good god, no.
What about that "troilus and cressida" in '72, remember? Oh! Oh, yes, christ! The one where we were all in drag? And the gang rape at the end! People fled! Hah! [laughing.]
That was awful! Ha ha ha! But it opened.
Yeah.
See, that--that doesn't Actually make me feel better.
Oh, sophie, love, don't fret.
You've got lots of talent, You'll have loads of success, And a very long career.
Hah.
But at the end of it all, You've got to have some Spectacular cockups.
Because then, you'll have stories.
And then You've had a life.
You've had a life.
I am so sorry about all this.
Ellen, I know what the theater's all about.
You know, it's amazing anything makes it To the stage.
I studied theater at nyu.
Really? Yeah, I played mark antony, I-- I paused a lot.
Is that how you know barbara? Yes, the lizard queen.
Well, that's just one of her roles.
She's a very good actress.
Yeah, you're just 10 times better.
God, I couldn't get past Those fans at the stage door.
We have got to save this evening.
Why don't we have a couple drinks here, And then go back to our place for a nightcap? Our place? Of--sure.
Bartender? Uh, free drinks for everyone On the festival staff, ok? Yes! Yeah! Hey--uh, actually, maybe just one drink.
You know-- make it beer, ok? [whistles.]
Could--could you two? Richard: Excuse me.
Uh, hi.
Um, hi, everyone, excuse me.
Uh, as some of you know, charles kingman Had some kind of accident tonight, But he's fine and that's good news.
And I know this kind of thing, A cancelled opening, can be very demoralizing.
But-- I just found out that, uh, The "east hastings" musical has sold out Its entire run! [cheering and yelling.]
Woo! Richard: So it's also a time for celebration! So I think it would lift everybody's spirits If we all raised a glass Of spirits, ha ha ha ha, ha ha! And toasted the new stars In the new burbage firmament, The cast of "east hastings" the musical! Woo! Yeah! [cheering.]
Ha ha.
Hah.
One final boot to the groin.
Bloody insensitive prick.
Fucking asshole.
That's it, i'm fucking leaving.
You gonna come? Uh, oh, no.
Um, i'm gonna stay.
Grieve here, you know.
Hanging with my boys.
Ok.
Well I guess i'll see you later, then.
Yeah, ok.
Jerry, move, ok? Bye.
What'll I tell the cast? That I got my ass stuck in a tub? They're just gonna be thrilled that you're ok.
They hate me.
Yeah, they hate you.
Eh, I would hate me.
Well, it's--they're really just scared.
They don't know who's gonna show up From one moment to the next.
They don't know whether it's gonna be the angry lear, Or it's gonna be the loopy lear-- Or the dead lear, let's not forget that one.
Be honest.
When I didn't turn up, you thought I was dead.
And for a tiny moment, You were relieved.
Only briefly.
[chuckles.]
I hope death is not like being stuck in a tub Listening to a telephone ring That you can't answer.
[laughs.]
That's like something from beckett.
Oh, god.
What if he was right? He wasn't far off.
It is a terribly empty experience.
Perhaps it evolves.
You mean, we get out of the tub? And we get our heart's desire.
Maybe you have to suffer in the tub Before you know your reward.
As if our suffering in life is not enough? Ok, um [clears throat.]
What's going on? Oh, it's a death thing.
You wouldn't understand.
One thought that comforts me is that Death is natural.
Everyone dies.
I'm not cursed, I'm just part of the natural world.
Well, that feeling wears off when you actually die.
After that, things get very unnatural indeed.
Ok, uh, charles.
[clears throat.]
Where do you keep your booze? Um, in the kitchen in the cupboard Just to the right of the sink.
Ellen: Expect you to be so grateful-- Yeah.
And going through so many receipts.
$120 bra story? It was the $120 bra.
Here, hold this.
Because--he said, "how could anyone spend $120 a bra?" And I said, "because of this!" And I showed him like that, And the look in his eyes just made me want to kill him.
And then I didn't kill him, I fucked him.
What?! No! Ha ha! [laughter.]
Richard: Oh, my god! We have gotta put that in the show! We have got to get this in the show.
[girl continues laughing.]
[chatter and laughing.]
[snores.]
Hi.
Hello.
What time is it? Um, 7:30.
Oh, god.
Go back to sleep! I--I can't, I gotta go to work.
Oh, yeah.
Big dick.
[laughs.]
What? Big dick has a day job.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
You were funny last night.
Funny? You kept laughing While we were doing it.
Like, giggling.
It was weird.
Why were you doing that? I don't know.
Maybe I was happy.
[sighs.]
[dog barks outside.]
[tapping.]
Good morning.
What is it? Is the, uh, that, uh, is barbara here? You're ok, she's an early riser.
She's gone already.
How's charles? He's ok.
He's, uh, well, He's a little shaken up.
What happened? Well, he's old, ellen.
He had an accident.
Now look, I know that this-- All of this is very terrifying for you, But I also know in my heart That I can make this work, and I know That charles can do it, I just need A couple of days to work with him.
Why don't you come in and tell me exactly What's going on.
You look like you need a coffee.
No, thank you.
I have to get back to the theater Anyway and plead my case.
You say he can do it, but I haven't seen it yet.
You won't tell me what's going on, you won't tell me Anything, actually, so i'm just going on Blind faith! That's good.
Besides, i'm an actress.
I have no power in this situation.
You could quit.
Oh, that would be quite the statement, Abandoning a sinking ship.
Well, you already took a running dive Out of our relationship.
Not quite.
I was in the lifeboat pulling you behind.
More like I was-- I was-- Tied to the anchor, And I was fighting for air! I was pulling that anchor-- Oh, just forget the metaphor! If you need to come back, you can.
Do youNeed to come back? Do you mind if I help myself to the coffee? Oh, go ahead.
Oh, that's chris.
He's from new york.
He's an agent friend of barbara's.
He's trying to lure--wh--w-- Seduce me-- To the tv side.
He's wasting his time.
My agent's pretty excited, though.
Hmm.
Are you sure you don't want coffee? No, thank you.
Thanks for your support.
No problem.
[door closes.]
The problem, basil, Is that it reads like a review! The show didn't open! No, obviously we did not intend for Los perdidos of bolivia to be part Of the evening's entertainment! Richard? Basil, you have to print a clarification.
All right, thank you.
I'm sorry, I am very busy.
Dealing with last night's fiasco? Yes.
Well, then You're gonna want to talk to me.
UhSomeone's in there.
Someone from the cast? Maybe.
Oh, god, I hate her.
Let me know when she's gone, all right? [door shuts.]
Well, this is very dramatic.
Charles is sick.
Yeah.
He has cancer.
Colon.
Oh, god.
It's pretty far gone, eh? How do you know? Runs in my family.
My father, my grandfather.
You can't tell anyone about this.
I can help.
I know how to keep his strength up, I know about timing his medications, That's what's affecting his brain, Not the cancer.
Anna, this is a flat-out, 100% mess.
Don't get yourself involved.
Not everybody gets To do what they want before they die.
But they should.
Ok, great.
'cause i'll tell you, I'm--i'm in way over my head.
Ok, well, tell me what he's on, I'll find out about the conflicts.
Uh, I don't know the names of all the drugs.
Well, one of them is heroin.
Hey, early bird! I didn't hear you leave this morning.
Well, you passed out last night.
I am surprised you got up at all.
I had a good time, all things considered.
[laughs.]
Is chris still here? No, he took an early flight.
Geoffrey dropped by.
We're postponing.
Mm, at least.
Richard's pretty upset.
He seemed ok to me.
Well, he's pissed off now.
You talked to richard? Mm! I told him all about charles, About how he's a drunk.
He never knows his lines, He's abusive.
You told him charles is an alcoholic? Well, you've seen him staggering Around slurring his words.
Yeah, but we don't know that for sure! You don't go to management behind the director's back.
This is my career.
Last night was pathetic, It was an embarrassing failure, that's not What I signed up for, and you shouldn't Put up with it, either.
I mean, jesus christ, el.
Have some spine! Why didn't you tell me? Because I didn't think you needed to know.
I had to go out In front of the minister of culture And all the press, and cancel an Opening night show! I'm sorry! You know, if i'd known, I don't think I would have done it.
Why not? Why should I apologize for an alcoholic? Oh, ho, ho.
Let me guess.
Barbara told you.
Yes.
She did.
She was really upset.
In fact, she was terrifying.
But I don't blame her.
Yes, she's a good soul.
Geoffrey, this is serious.
Richard! Just give me one week.
Let me get charles dried out.
He has promised he won't drink again.
No.
Not good enough.
Richard! Geoffrey-- A drunken lear? Oh, for god's sakes! Do you seriously think he's the only Alcoholic who's ever played king lear? I am responsible for the financial viability Of this festival, geoffrey.
This is my call.
So you can have your week, But I am moving "king lear" into the studio theater.
What? Yes, i'm replacing it with "east hastings.
" There is an insatiable demand for tickets.
It's hot! So that's the financially responsible thing to do.
Ok, so you want me to move "king lear" Out of a 2,000 seat theater Into a theater with 150 seats, With half the stage, And with a third of the lights? It means i'm gonna have to completely Reconceive the show! You know what? It's not your call.
And I am not the villain, here.
No.
No, no.
You're the big dick.
Well, we've got a bit of work ahead of us Moving all this into that tiny space.
We'll have to rethink the storm.
You were talking to charles.
It was a bit awkward.
We're not entirely comfortable with each other.
So I wasn't imagining it then.
Personally, I don't think it's a good sign.
It's more evidence of my insanity? Not that.
Why can I talk to charles now? Why now and not before? I don't know! I barely understand the rules of my own world, Let alone yours.
Because he has one foot in the grave, As it were.
Oh, time is running out.
We have so much to do! We're gonna have to start from scratch.
We, my dead friend? Does that mean You're back on board? Well, now he's my friend, too.
[music of los perdidos plays.]
acorn media Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org-- pull me under, scotty I can't go on tonight i'm drinking with my buddy i'm getting good and tight before they raise the curtain i'll be oiled as a kite! so call the understudy I can't go on tonight tell the cast and crew to break a leg break a leg! roll me out to dump the bloody keg bloody keg! I need to erase the pain that life can bring life can bring! and liquor is what will hit the spot the play is not the thing so call me understudy I think it's only right my diction will be muddy i'll never find me lines before the intermission i'll be busy as a sprite so call the understudy I can't go on he can't go on I won't go on he shan't go on I can't go on tonight! damn right! [laughter and applause.]
acorn media [voices, glasses clinking.]
Richard? Man: Come in! Woman: See some more like that.
Ann! Have you seen the reviews? Raves! Oh, fucking amazing.
Yeah! Fucking raves! Wait--get ann a glass! Oh, thank you.
I haven't had breakfast yet.
Oh, thank you.
Isn't that great? Raves! It's wonderful.
Congratulations to the whole cast.
Yeah.
Woman: And big dick.
I'm sorry? Big dick--richard.
I got a new nickname.
Big dick stood up to darren and told him the truth.
Darren got himself an education from big dick.
Woman: Ha ha! We love you, big dick! We love you! And right back towards you guys.
Uh, dick-- richard Could I talk to you about a couple of things? Oh, yeah, sure.
Go for it.
Ok, I can't get a straight answer About the political situation in bolivia, But the foreign ministry Is pressuring us to send the troupe back Even though alvarro says they'll probably be shot, So obviously we can't do that, But the canadian government Refuses to issue a new visa, So it's a huge mess.
Damn, richard gots a day job.
[laughter.]
Ok.
Anna, is there more? Yes! There's the "lear.
" It's opening tomorrow.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
Go on.
Ok.
Well, press requests are pouring in.
Everyone wants to interview barbara, So we have to convince them To interview other actors.
[laughter.]
You overbooked the v.
I.
P.
Section So that's a problem, And the minister has asked For two more tickets for her party.
Do you want me to go on or Yeah, sure.
Basically it's a big day for us, So, you know, when you're ready.
Relax, anna, i'm on it.
I forgot to tell you that maria-- Nice, nice.
[coughing.]
Ok, richard, this is too much! Anna! It's my opening night party! That was last night.
Well, I haven't gone to bed, So technically it's still last night.
Oh.
Oh, anna, come o-- Ha ha ha! On.
My play just got rave reviews.
The cast loves me.
This is really huge.
Now, can we just be happy for 10 more minutes? Please? Five.
Let's get high! Man: when life takes its toll and fate treats you bad you're used to getting cable, and now you get ads along with your fool you think you'll go mad it's nice to take a walk in the rain a stomp through the storm is what i'd advise when people you trust go lovely with love and kidnap your friend and gouge out his eyes it's nice to take a walk in the rain 'cause I know daughters are evil plotters i'd hate to have to shout will really keep you sane when all has been said and all have been slain it's good to take a walk in the rain for several hours helps to have a howl in the rain without your clothes on nice to take a walk in the rain Anna: He'll be right out.
He's just Dealing with some things.
Richard.
Richard! Hmm? Maria would like to speak with you.
Oh, yeah, maria.
What's up? Ok, uh, richard, I feel really uncomfortable Telling you this, but-- Oh, no, no.
You know, previews are always a little rocky-- Yeah.
Well, we open tomorrow night, And charles is having trouble with his lines And his blocking.
He's having a lot of trouble, And well, it's been very difficult Trying to talk to geoffrey, And, well, i'm concerned about the production.
Ok, maria, you've been a valued stage manager At this festival for what, 8 years? Yeah.
Have you ever seen reviews like these? Richard, I need to talk to you about lear.
Yes.
Today's matinee is our last preview-- Wow, these are good.
Yes! Do I have a hit or what? Shit.
He does care.
He's just Happy.
That can be distracting Happiness.
I wouldn't know.
Charles: Blow winds! Pray, blow! You cataracts and hurricanoes, Spout till you have drench'd our steeples, Drown'd-- Ha! What's the line? Drown'd the cocks You sulphurous You sulphurous and thought-executing fires, Vaunt-couriers to oak-cleaving thunderbolts, Singe my white head! [mumbling.]
WhatLine? Crack nature's moulds Crack nature's moulds, An germens spill at once, that make ingrateful man! Good nuncle, in, and ask thy daughters' blessing.
Is that the cue? Yes! Isn't there something else? We covered the first part.
When? Two weeks ago.
What's wrong with you? You've never seen a full-on fucking Train wreck before? Man over p.
A.
: This intermission, Head on over to our gift shop.
A bit rough out there, eh, ducky? Bloody awful.
You never know when he's gonna go off.
You never feel safe.
It's like the blitz.
[knock on door.]
[door opens.]
Geoffrey: Hey, charles.
How are you feeling? My mind is racing.
I think it's the retaxal.
I took it with the proctosol this morning.
I don't usually take them t-t-together.
Huh.
[clears throat.]
Where's your bag? Lower shelf.
Ahh Want me to do it? [sobs.]
Please.
Come on.
Oh, i'm So sorry, geoffrey.
Oh, come on.
Why? You tried.
That's all.
I don't think I can do this.
I don't know where I am From one moment to the next.
You just rest, ok? I'll fix you up.
We'll see how you feel after the intermission.
Here I stand, your slave, A poor, infirm, weak, and despised old man.
There you go.
See? You know the play.
Uh I'm really scared, geoffrey.
Well, that's fantastic.
You're the one who pushed me into this.
Higher purpose, remember? Well, what higher purpose involves heroin? We have to stop.
Now.
You know, you having second thoughts, That really doesn't help me.
Maybe this is an exercise in exploitation.
What? I thought if we helped charles, It would help me, but that's not really A charitable motivation, is it? I'm not used to thinking about Other people and their needs.
I'm not going to heaven.
I'm probably going to hell.
Or worse, limbo.
Oh, no, it's happening.
Shit! You stop with that fading stuff.
[knock on door.]
Can I talk to you for a second? Sure.
This is really, really, really a scary situation.
Well, live theater is scary, ellen.
It's kind of like relationships.
I'm not attacking you.
We're concerned.
We're all very concerned.
Well, your concern is noted, And it is appreciated, But you gotta believe me, he can do it.
He hasn't yet.
Ellen, for god's sakes, he's playing lear.
Lear! A frail old man.
If he appears occasionally weak, That's not a problem.
He's not playing lear.
He's living lear.
That's the problem.
Huh.
Would you have some faith.
What? Have a little faith.
Faith in what? In, uh In a higher purpose! Is that supposed to be reassuring? Charles: Here's 3 on's are sophisticated.
Thou art the thing itself: Unaccommodated man [thunder.]
Is no more but such a poor bare, forked animal as thou art.
Off, off, you lendings! Come unbutton here! Prithee, nuncle, be contented; 'tis a naughty night to swim in.
Now a little fire in a wild field Is like an old lecher's heart; Ha ha! Ha ha! A little spark, and all the rest on's body cold.
There, you see? He can do it.
For 10 minutes a night.
It's a 3-hour show.
No, it's not.
It's 2 hours, 56Max.
[applause.]
Sophie, you were slow in the fifth act.
Pace, pace, pace, for christ's sake.
So we go for drinks, yeah? I don't think so.
Hi.
Hi.
Great show.
Thanks.
Ok, um, this is much, much worse than usual, right? I mean, something really, really Has to be done, right? Oh, yeah.
Ok.
Richard, we need to talk.
Ok, this one is imitation silk, So it's a little bit more expensive.
And this one has a leather strap, brass buckle-- What are they for? The musical.
You know, uh, mugs, t-shirts, gifts, caps.
They're gonna make great gifts for the cast, And then we are gonna sell them in the gift shop At such a mark up, It's gonna be like the "cats" t-shirt, you know? Like, everyone's got one of those, right? I mean, i've got one.
Do you have one? Yeah.
You gave me one for christmas 3 years ago.
See? They make great gifts, huh? Can we talk about work? Real work? All right, the minister is arriving at 7:00.
I've sorted out the muddle in the v.
I.
P.
Section.
I've scheduled interviews for members of the cast Other than barbara, so you see, I am on top of it, anna.
Good.
That's good.
Yeah, so you see, it is possible to have fun And do your job.
The two are not mutually exclusive.
Are you stoned? No! I had one puffMum.
We need to talk about the "lear", please.
I saw the matinee.
Charles is really erratic.
Ok, look, anna, Can we talk about this later? Come on, i'm really swamped.
We open tomorrow.
People are very nervous.
Yes, and i'm sure geoffrey is on top of it.
Things come together at the last minute in theater, Anna, so you just have to have a little faith.
In what? The process.
Eh? [sighs.]
Wait, anna.
Can you see my nipples through this fabric? I mean, we open tomorrow night, And I don't think charles can do it.
Well, is that your problem? I mean, he asked you.
It's a charitable act.
Well, I don't know that it is.
I mean, if he's calling for a line every 10 seconds, If he's stumbling around the stage lost, Is that charity or is it public humiliation? And why am I doing this in the first place? I don't know.
Oh, you think this is all about oliver.
I don't know.
Is it? I don't know.
Ok, i'm gonna try something that might Seem a little odd.
It's just an exercise.
Take a moment and breathe.
[breathes loudly.]
It might help if you close your eyes.
Good.
Yes.
Now, imagine that oliver welles Is sitting in this chair.
Really see him.
Try and see as many details as possible-- His clothing, the expression on his face.
Can you do that? Yeah, I can do that.
Now, I want you to talk to him As if he was really there.
About time you showed up! Good.
You dragged me into this and then you bailed on me! Yes, good.
I panicked.
I encourage you to panic with me.
This whole enterprise is doomed to fail.
He will be humiliated.
We all will be.
Well, that's never stopped you before.
This again.
You know, I did not wave my magic staff And make you have a mental breakdown.
You did everything but! You're really good at this.
When are you going to accept responsibility, Geoffrey? My responsibility for what? For what? What Your betrayal-- My betrayal? Good.
Let's talk about that.
About what? The betrayal.
No.
He betrayed me! You seduced my girlfriend! I thought you said oliver was gay? And why did I do that? You wanted me to push you.
You wanted to be a great actor, And I made you into one.
This is such bullshit! No, I think it's going pretty good.
And then he left.
You left.
You broke my heart, geoffrey, And now i'm dead.
Oh, are you suggesting that I killed you? No.
A pig truck killed me.
You tortured me for 7 years.
And then on that night I tried to call you-- Oh, go to hell! I am in hell! No! You're not in hell! You're in limbo! Well, how do I get out? Well, how the fuck should I know? This has been really helpful.
Thank you.
I didn't think it would go that well.
I mean, that was a remarkable thing to witness.
I think we should keep going.
No, I think we're done.
Thanks.
Ok, on Monday I can see you-- No.
I think we're quite finished, Thank you very much.
Geoffrey, we're making progress.
Ok, bye, everybody.
You're running away again! [door closes.]
He always does this.
Do you have coffee? In the spoon drawer.
Hey, it says here that they're making a series About the manson family.
That's disgusting.
It's fantastic.
Sharon tate was found By her black, middle-age housekeeper.
That's a great part for me.
Ah, shit! Leave it.
I'm gonna get someone To come in and clean up.
Hey, great dress! You look hot.
I am hot.
I'm sweating.
You're just nervous.
Take some of my rescue remedy.
Argh! Why am I doing this? A professional meeting on opening day? Because, sweetheart, You have neglected your career for too long.
I really don't need this kind of pressure! WhatPressure? Everything chris tells you today Is gonna sound stupid.
He is gonna pitch some show Where you're a futuristic cop With a chip implanted in your head That makes criminals glow.
Or you're a nurse in love With a drunken brain surgeon And you perform his operations.
Just listen and nod And tell him you're very interested.
What if i'm not? Well, don't panic.
Everything's gonna change before you start shooting.
Mine did.
Didn't you play a lizard queen from another galaxy? Yes, and you should have heard How that one started out.
[grinding.]
[playing music.]
Hola.
Man: Good morning.
Hola.
I brought you some tin bits.
I think there's a couple of crullers In there, too.
Oh, muchas gracias.
[speaks spanish.]
Um, i'm still having trouble with your visas.
Oh, visas? [speaks spanish.]
Anna: And I think the situation is very bad In your country.
I think the general is a bad man.
[speaking spanish.]
[murmuring.]
He wants to go back and fight.
He's very stupid.
No, no! Tell him he can't go back until it's safe.
[speaks spanish.]
[knowing murmurs.]
What did you say? I told him that you wished him to stay Until the political situation is stable.
Oh, good, yes.
Thank you.
Yes, and would you tell them That they're all invited To the opening of "king lear" tonight? Oh, muy bien.
[speaks spanish.]
What's happening? [singing in spanish.]
They are singing a song for you.
Oh, that's so nice.
I have so much work to do.
You should stay.
It would be insulting to leave.
I'm sorry i'm late.
I took the bus.
Chris, this is my agent, olive harlow.
Chris was just describing the project.
Oh, please, i'll play catch-up.
So we've been working with linda laplante, Who created--stop me if you know this-- But "prime suspect.
" Oh, my god.
I love that show.
Ellen, you are so helen mirren.
I always said it.
She's the canadian helen mirren.
Haven't I said that? She has said that.
So this character is a detective? Investigator.
In--i'm gonna be up front with this-- Space.
Space? I know.
I know.
When I first heard space, I was like, No space! But you strip away that science fiction stuff And what you have, essentially, Is a workplace drama, And she has this complex, Passionate relationship With somebody 15 years younger.
And is somebody Don't worry.
He's human.
Oh! Ha! Are these chicken strips for anyone? Uh-huh.
It's the core relationship Of the series.
We think there's no reason That a successful, beautiful woman In her 40s wouldn't attract younger men.
Right? I'm sure it happens.
I find older women attractive.
I'm sure i'm not alone.
Well, there's probably a few of you out there.
Somewhere.
Maybe in space.
Book me a rocket.
Ha ha! Uh, I suppose the next step Is to get you the scripts, And I understand that there will be Some contractual problems with the-- Oh, it's nothing.
My contract does extend through this season.
Yeah, but it's nothing.
[cell phone rings.]
Oh! Excuse me.
This is embarrassing.
I'll have to take this.
Hi.
This is huge.
This is buy a house on salt spring island And get out of the business forever huge.
Just keep playing it cool.
I'm not playing it cool.
This is apathy.
I don't want to do this.
I shouldn't even be here.
I'm opening "king lear" tonight.
Ellen, all these years, I've been very loyal to you, And to be perfectly frank, I've never made a penny off of you.
Now, don't be stupid.
Do not screw this up for me.
I mean you, ok? Huh.
Sorry about that.
What art thou? A very honest-hearted fellow and as poor as the king.
If thou be as poor for a subject As he is for a king, thou art poor enough.
What wouldst thou? Service.
Who wouldst thou serve? You.
Dost thou know me, fellow? No, sir; but you have that in your countenance Which I would fain call master.
What's that? Authority.
Ahh This is an amazing line run.
Follow me; thou shalt serve me: If I like thee no worse after dinner, I will not part from thee yet.
Dinner, ho, dinner! It's a different charles.
What did you do? I shot him full of heroin.
Shoot me up, too, will you? I could use the help.
Couldn't we all? Kent: That which ordinary men are fit for, I am qualified in; I know charles has been a nightmare, But it's really encouraging To see you deal with the stress In such a Reasonable way.
What do you mean by reasonable? No consulting with your invisible mentor, No one-sided conversations in the wings.
You know Oh, yes.
He's not helping me with this one, No more than most.
Decidedly is not.
Oh, no, no, no.
He has washed his hand of the entire thing, That sketchy little bastard.
Huh.
How do you go from the "gallagher metamorphosis" To "king lear"? What brought you back to new burbage? The audience.
I want the thrill of performing In front of the people.
The people affect your performance.
You can feel them.
Out there in the dark, You can feel them watching you, And you act for them.
Can we do that again? I sounded like a retard.
Ellen fanshaw, terry hart.
Ellen does all her work in the theater.
Fantastic.
Woman: Oh, for god's sake, have a drink.
It's shakespeare.
Man: Richard! Richard, over here! What we need is a picture of the cast.
Sure.
Woman: Richard.
Yoo-hoo! Oh, minister! Welcome.
Interesting glasses.
Thank you.
I just got them.
Oh.
Wait.
Kids, cast.
Cast, cast, cast.
Pictures for the minister.
Here, get in here.
Don't.
Minister: Back off.
Richard: Smith-jones.
Can I talk to you for a second? You're-- I'm chris norton.
I'm an agent.
Oh, uh-- Friend of ellen's.
Right, right.
Yes.
The buzz around "east hastings" Is incredible.
Oh, thank you.
We're very excited.
Richard, I know buzz.
This is good buzz.
You have to take this to a much larger venue Or at least extend the run.
Yeah, I don't-- You know, we've got this ukrainian clown troupe Coming in next and-- Yeah.
Clowns are great.
Here's my card.
Call me.
Break a leg.
[whistles.]
He hasn't signed in.
Did you call? No answer.
Uh How much time do we have left? 15! Ugh! I'll have to warn jerry.
What? No, no.
We don't open without charles.
Oh, thank god.
I mean, I could-- Jerry knows it better than charles! I have a beard.
Where? At home.
Oh.
My wife's 9 months pregnant, but I can-- No, charles is our lear.
Even if charles arrived right now, He wouldn't be ready by 8.
He needs at least a half an hour.
Uh, an hour and a half.
Ugh! All right, i've got an idea.
We can use the bolivians.
They're in the audience.
We'll make an announcement, something like, "excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, "we're experiencing a slight technical glitch, "and while we're dealing with it, "why don't you enjoy the musical stylings Of los perdidos?" I do kind of know it.
I mean, i'm there for you.
Kind of.
Well.
Guess we're holding the curtain.
Spread the fucking word.
"king lear.
" Have a seat.
There we go.
Minister, I am so, so sorry that We could not accommodate Your--your ticket requests.
It was the norwegian ambassador and his wife.
I--I know, it just, it--it's such a hot ticket.
Well, it's fine.
They rented a dvd.
Oh, good.
Just next time, Just let us know a little bit ahead of time.
Wow! Oh, my god! Great seats! Yeah, thanks for the call.
Big dick.
Both: Big dick, big dick, big dick! [laughs.]
Woman: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
We are experiencing a small technical problem.
While we're dealing with it, Please enjoy los perdidos.
[applause.]
[music begins.]
[singing in spanish.]
[phone rings.]
Oliver: You've got to let jerry go on.
Oh, you're back.
Now, go away.
I agree, it won't be much of a lear, But it's better than an evening of Bolivian folk music.
No.
No understudies.
That's not why i'm doing this.
I know, you're fulfilling a dying man's last wish.
Yeah, that's it exactly.
But what if he's already dead? [los perdidos singing faintly.]
[phone rings.]
[new song begins.]
[murmuring.]
Is itSpanish, or is it chilean? hey! I think bolivian.
Where's bolivia? Is it in Spain? It's a country.
Hah.
Excuse me.
Both: Bye, dick! [clears throat.]
Geoffrey! What the hell is going on? Those bolivians are really Starting to grate.
Charles isn't here.
Well, where is he? In heaven if he's lucky.
I don't know.
Well, geoffrey, What are you gonna do? There are people waiting! Like--like the minister of culture, The press Geoffrey, make the call, for god's sake.
We're canceling.
Uh! Ahh No--nobody move! Geoffrey, no! Where's everyone running to? Oh, not to worry, ducky.
You'll get your pint early tonight.
Oh! [los perdidos play.]
What are you gonna say? Well, i'm going to say that charles is sick And we're canceling.
But--geoffrey! We've never cancelled An opening, not on the night, Not an hour after the fact! Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there? Geoffrey: [laughs.]
[laughing.]
W-w-whoo! You have to make the announcement.
What! I can't.
I can't do it, I gotta get out of here.
Where are you going? I'm gonna go find charles.
[trills.]
hoo, hoo! Los perdidos! Los perdidos.
[applause.]
Boy, don't you just love The haunting music of chile? Uh--we're bolivians.
You certainly are.
[disgruntled chatter.]
Minister, I am so sorry-- I could've watched "lord of the rings" With the norwegian ambassador In the back of my car, richard! Yeah, i'm-- i'mSorry.
I tried to tell you! Ok, anna, you're the model Employee of the month.
You did your job.
Good.
Now I need you to go back to your office And write a press release.
We'll release it in the morning.
I think-- Hey, no more views.
No more--come on! No-- I think you should talk to the cast.
Some of them are pretty upset.
You know, I think i'll do that In the morning.
'cause right now, i'm gonna get drunk.
Charles? Charles? Charles! Charles: I'm in here! Oh, jeez.
I fell--and I-- Co--couldn't very well get up.
Are you all right? Get me a towel, for god's sake, I'm freezing.
Did you put jerry on? No, no.
I cancelled.
Oh, god, i'm sorry.
I heard the phone ringing.
I just couldn't very well lift myself up.
Here, i'll get you out.
Give me your hand.
Here, take it.
All right.
Ok.
Up you go.
[grunting.]
[dance music plays.]
My parents drove 4 hours From peterborough for my big debut.
Oh, don't worry, dearie.
It's all part of the life.
This was the worst opening of all time, was it not? Oh, no! Good god, no.
What about that "troilus and cressida" in '72, remember? Oh! Oh, yes, christ! The one where we were all in drag? And the gang rape at the end! People fled! Hah! [laughing.]
That was awful! Ha ha ha! But it opened.
Yeah.
See, that--that doesn't Actually make me feel better.
Oh, sophie, love, don't fret.
You've got lots of talent, You'll have loads of success, And a very long career.
Hah.
But at the end of it all, You've got to have some Spectacular cockups.
Because then, you'll have stories.
And then You've had a life.
You've had a life.
I am so sorry about all this.
Ellen, I know what the theater's all about.
You know, it's amazing anything makes it To the stage.
I studied theater at nyu.
Really? Yeah, I played mark antony, I-- I paused a lot.
Is that how you know barbara? Yes, the lizard queen.
Well, that's just one of her roles.
She's a very good actress.
Yeah, you're just 10 times better.
God, I couldn't get past Those fans at the stage door.
We have got to save this evening.
Why don't we have a couple drinks here, And then go back to our place for a nightcap? Our place? Of--sure.
Bartender? Uh, free drinks for everyone On the festival staff, ok? Yes! Yeah! Hey--uh, actually, maybe just one drink.
You know-- make it beer, ok? [whistles.]
Could--could you two? Richard: Excuse me.
Uh, hi.
Um, hi, everyone, excuse me.
Uh, as some of you know, charles kingman Had some kind of accident tonight, But he's fine and that's good news.
And I know this kind of thing, A cancelled opening, can be very demoralizing.
But-- I just found out that, uh, The "east hastings" musical has sold out Its entire run! [cheering and yelling.]
Woo! Richard: So it's also a time for celebration! So I think it would lift everybody's spirits If we all raised a glass Of spirits, ha ha ha ha, ha ha! And toasted the new stars In the new burbage firmament, The cast of "east hastings" the musical! Woo! Yeah! [cheering.]
Ha ha.
Hah.
One final boot to the groin.
Bloody insensitive prick.
Fucking asshole.
That's it, i'm fucking leaving.
You gonna come? Uh, oh, no.
Um, i'm gonna stay.
Grieve here, you know.
Hanging with my boys.
Ok.
Well I guess i'll see you later, then.
Yeah, ok.
Jerry, move, ok? Bye.
What'll I tell the cast? That I got my ass stuck in a tub? They're just gonna be thrilled that you're ok.
They hate me.
Yeah, they hate you.
Eh, I would hate me.
Well, it's--they're really just scared.
They don't know who's gonna show up From one moment to the next.
They don't know whether it's gonna be the angry lear, Or it's gonna be the loopy lear-- Or the dead lear, let's not forget that one.
Be honest.
When I didn't turn up, you thought I was dead.
And for a tiny moment, You were relieved.
Only briefly.
[chuckles.]
I hope death is not like being stuck in a tub Listening to a telephone ring That you can't answer.
[laughs.]
That's like something from beckett.
Oh, god.
What if he was right? He wasn't far off.
It is a terribly empty experience.
Perhaps it evolves.
You mean, we get out of the tub? And we get our heart's desire.
Maybe you have to suffer in the tub Before you know your reward.
As if our suffering in life is not enough? Ok, um [clears throat.]
What's going on? Oh, it's a death thing.
You wouldn't understand.
One thought that comforts me is that Death is natural.
Everyone dies.
I'm not cursed, I'm just part of the natural world.
Well, that feeling wears off when you actually die.
After that, things get very unnatural indeed.
Ok, uh, charles.
[clears throat.]
Where do you keep your booze? Um, in the kitchen in the cupboard Just to the right of the sink.
Ellen: Expect you to be so grateful-- Yeah.
And going through so many receipts.
$120 bra story? It was the $120 bra.
Here, hold this.
Because--he said, "how could anyone spend $120 a bra?" And I said, "because of this!" And I showed him like that, And the look in his eyes just made me want to kill him.
And then I didn't kill him, I fucked him.
What?! No! Ha ha! [laughter.]
Richard: Oh, my god! We have gotta put that in the show! We have got to get this in the show.
[girl continues laughing.]
[chatter and laughing.]
[snores.]
Hi.
Hello.
What time is it? Um, 7:30.
Oh, god.
Go back to sleep! I--I can't, I gotta go to work.
Oh, yeah.
Big dick.
[laughs.]
What? Big dick has a day job.
Oh.
Yeah, right.
You were funny last night.
Funny? You kept laughing While we were doing it.
Like, giggling.
It was weird.
Why were you doing that? I don't know.
Maybe I was happy.
[sighs.]
[dog barks outside.]
[tapping.]
Good morning.
What is it? Is the, uh, that, uh, is barbara here? You're ok, she's an early riser.
She's gone already.
How's charles? He's ok.
He's, uh, well, He's a little shaken up.
What happened? Well, he's old, ellen.
He had an accident.
Now look, I know that this-- All of this is very terrifying for you, But I also know in my heart That I can make this work, and I know That charles can do it, I just need A couple of days to work with him.
Why don't you come in and tell me exactly What's going on.
You look like you need a coffee.
No, thank you.
I have to get back to the theater Anyway and plead my case.
You say he can do it, but I haven't seen it yet.
You won't tell me what's going on, you won't tell me Anything, actually, so i'm just going on Blind faith! That's good.
Besides, i'm an actress.
I have no power in this situation.
You could quit.
Oh, that would be quite the statement, Abandoning a sinking ship.
Well, you already took a running dive Out of our relationship.
Not quite.
I was in the lifeboat pulling you behind.
More like I was-- I was-- Tied to the anchor, And I was fighting for air! I was pulling that anchor-- Oh, just forget the metaphor! If you need to come back, you can.
Do youNeed to come back? Do you mind if I help myself to the coffee? Oh, go ahead.
Oh, that's chris.
He's from new york.
He's an agent friend of barbara's.
He's trying to lure--wh--w-- Seduce me-- To the tv side.
He's wasting his time.
My agent's pretty excited, though.
Hmm.
Are you sure you don't want coffee? No, thank you.
Thanks for your support.
No problem.
[door closes.]
The problem, basil, Is that it reads like a review! The show didn't open! No, obviously we did not intend for Los perdidos of bolivia to be part Of the evening's entertainment! Richard? Basil, you have to print a clarification.
All right, thank you.
I'm sorry, I am very busy.
Dealing with last night's fiasco? Yes.
Well, then You're gonna want to talk to me.
UhSomeone's in there.
Someone from the cast? Maybe.
Oh, god, I hate her.
Let me know when she's gone, all right? [door shuts.]
Well, this is very dramatic.
Charles is sick.
Yeah.
He has cancer.
Colon.
Oh, god.
It's pretty far gone, eh? How do you know? Runs in my family.
My father, my grandfather.
You can't tell anyone about this.
I can help.
I know how to keep his strength up, I know about timing his medications, That's what's affecting his brain, Not the cancer.
Anna, this is a flat-out, 100% mess.
Don't get yourself involved.
Not everybody gets To do what they want before they die.
But they should.
Ok, great.
'cause i'll tell you, I'm--i'm in way over my head.
Ok, well, tell me what he's on, I'll find out about the conflicts.
Uh, I don't know the names of all the drugs.
Well, one of them is heroin.
Hey, early bird! I didn't hear you leave this morning.
Well, you passed out last night.
I am surprised you got up at all.
I had a good time, all things considered.
[laughs.]
Is chris still here? No, he took an early flight.
Geoffrey dropped by.
We're postponing.
Mm, at least.
Richard's pretty upset.
He seemed ok to me.
Well, he's pissed off now.
You talked to richard? Mm! I told him all about charles, About how he's a drunk.
He never knows his lines, He's abusive.
You told him charles is an alcoholic? Well, you've seen him staggering Around slurring his words.
Yeah, but we don't know that for sure! You don't go to management behind the director's back.
This is my career.
Last night was pathetic, It was an embarrassing failure, that's not What I signed up for, and you shouldn't Put up with it, either.
I mean, jesus christ, el.
Have some spine! Why didn't you tell me? Because I didn't think you needed to know.
I had to go out In front of the minister of culture And all the press, and cancel an Opening night show! I'm sorry! You know, if i'd known, I don't think I would have done it.
Why not? Why should I apologize for an alcoholic? Oh, ho, ho.
Let me guess.
Barbara told you.
Yes.
She did.
She was really upset.
In fact, she was terrifying.
But I don't blame her.
Yes, she's a good soul.
Geoffrey, this is serious.
Richard! Just give me one week.
Let me get charles dried out.
He has promised he won't drink again.
No.
Not good enough.
Richard! Geoffrey-- A drunken lear? Oh, for god's sakes! Do you seriously think he's the only Alcoholic who's ever played king lear? I am responsible for the financial viability Of this festival, geoffrey.
This is my call.
So you can have your week, But I am moving "king lear" into the studio theater.
What? Yes, i'm replacing it with "east hastings.
" There is an insatiable demand for tickets.
It's hot! So that's the financially responsible thing to do.
Ok, so you want me to move "king lear" Out of a 2,000 seat theater Into a theater with 150 seats, With half the stage, And with a third of the lights? It means i'm gonna have to completely Reconceive the show! You know what? It's not your call.
And I am not the villain, here.
No.
No, no.
You're the big dick.
Well, we've got a bit of work ahead of us Moving all this into that tiny space.
We'll have to rethink the storm.
You were talking to charles.
It was a bit awkward.
We're not entirely comfortable with each other.
So I wasn't imagining it then.
Personally, I don't think it's a good sign.
It's more evidence of my insanity? Not that.
Why can I talk to charles now? Why now and not before? I don't know! I barely understand the rules of my own world, Let alone yours.
Because he has one foot in the grave, As it were.
Oh, time is running out.
We have so much to do! We're gonna have to start from scratch.
We, my dead friend? Does that mean You're back on board? Well, now he's my friend, too.
[music of los perdidos plays.]
acorn media Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org-- pull me under, scotty I can't go on tonight i'm drinking with my buddy i'm getting good and tight before they raise the curtain i'll be oiled as a kite! so call the understudy I can't go on tonight tell the cast and crew to break a leg break a leg! roll me out to dump the bloody keg bloody keg! I need to erase the pain that life can bring life can bring! and liquor is what will hit the spot the play is not the thing so call me understudy I think it's only right my diction will be muddy i'll never find me lines before the intermission i'll be busy as a sprite so call the understudy I can't go on he can't go on I won't go on he shan't go on I can't go on tonight! damn right! [laughter and applause.]