Teen Titans (2003) s03e04 Episode Script
Crash
[KEYBOARD BUTTONS CLICKING.]
BEAST BOY: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Ha! I'm a genius.
By simply turning off all those useless security programs, and connecting directly to an underground server in eastern Zandia, I, Beast Boy, have got my hands on an advanced copy of the hottest video game ever, "Mega Monkeys 4!" And then Look out, monkeys, here I Huh? Hmm.
GameStation must not have enough horsepower, but I bet the Titan mainframe does.
[BEEPING.]
Ugh.
Oh, man.
Isn't there a computer around here that can play this thing? Ha! If Cyborg's computer can't handle this, nobody's can.
[SNORING.]
Now, where do I.
.
? Ah, here we go.
[GRUNTING.]
Kind of a Ugh.
tight fit.
[BEEPING.]
Sweet! Huh? Not sweet.
Agh! No! Agh, no! No! No! Agh! Ohhhhh! Better motor before Aaagh! Cyborg.
What are you doing here? It's my room.
What are you doing here? I, um Practicing my nose whistle.
[WHISTLING.]
No! You been messing with my computer? Me? No.
Uh, that's your computer? Then what's this? My system recharger.
And speaking of, I could use a little juice.
Wait! I think your recharger might have a Virus! [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans go! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans go! # # One, two, three, four, go! # Teen Titans! Cyborg, come back! What is going on? CYBORG: Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.
This is the best peanut brittle I've ever tasted! [SLURPING.]
Uh, he's just excited.
I got an advanced copy of "Mega Monkeys 4.
" Ooh! Star, remember that purple, wiggly Tamaranian pie thingy you made that was full of bugs? My stewed gruntmak which made you physically sick? Yeah.
You gotta cook up some of that.
Heh-heh.
Um, long story short, I tried to play "Mega Monkeys" on Cyborg's system recharger and now he's got some kind of computer virus.
Or, you know, it could be just gas.
A virus? Beast Boy, this is serious.
Seriously weird.
Mmm! Ah.
Who ordered this pizza? It's cheese-tastic.
Ooh.
Thirsty now.
[GURGLING.]
Cyborg, there's something wrong with you.
Please, let us help.
You bet there's something wrong.
[MOOS.]
We need gravy.
And plenty of it! [YELLING.]
Ooh.
You know what would be fun? Let's all go out for Whoppers.
Raven, you like Whoppers, don't you? More than life itself.
I like Whoppers We must help him.
No problem.
I'll shrink to the size of an amoeba, get inside of him, and then And then what? Mess him up even worse? Thanks, Beast Boy, but I think you've done enough.
We need an expert.
But who? The only person qualified to repair Cyborg is Cyborg.
Whoppers, Whoppers I hate to admit it, but there is one other person.
[MACHINES HUMMING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Look out, you shoe-lickin' gunksteins.
Gizmo's bootlegged copy of "Mega Monkeys 4" is about to go live.
Ah! Hey, what the? Whoa! No stinkin' way.
I'm not fixin' that overgrown bucket of robo-scrunge, and there's nothing you grot-slurpers could ever do or say to make me Agh.
[SCREAMS.]
[TEETH CHATTERING.]
I'll help.
Hmm.
Hmph.
[GASPS.]
Eww.
Your friend is thrashed.
What kind of sludge-sniffin' idiot gets himself infected with the EndZone Virus? He had some help.
Can you fix him? Of course I can fix him, but I got to shrink down to microscopic size, go in, and hit the virus where it lives.
[QUIETLY.]
Yeah.
Good idea.
What? You nose hairs never seen a shrink suit before? Maybe I should go.
You can direct me from outside.
Forget it, scuzz-ball.
This tech only works on me and I work alone.
But maybe I can Never mind.
Hey.
Did y'all know there are 456 varieties of yams? I like yams Please, why does he speak of subterranean vegetables? [SCOFFS.]
You don't know crud.
The virus is messing with his central processor You know, his brain.
and that's where you're gonna put me.
[GIGGLES.]
[SNORING.]
Okay, barf-brains, I'm in position.
Don't worry, Cyborg.
This won't hurt a bit.
[GASPS.]
Hey! [GIZMO GRUNTING.]
GIZMO: What's going on out there? [GRUMBLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Hot links! Aw, yeah.
The injection was successful? I think so.
Gizmo, report.
Are you inside Cyborg? Oh, I'm inside him, all right, but I'm not in his brain.
I'm in his butt.
[TRANSPONDER BEEPING.]
I've got his signal.
Titans, move.
Nice shootin', spork-brains.
You cludgeheads have any idea how long it's gonna take me to get from this tin can's can all the way up to his brain? Then I suggest you stop complaining and start moving.
We need to find Cyborg and bring him home before he hurts himself or somebody else.
Or an innocent street sign.
[GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
Take it easy, Cyborg.
It's us.
We're here to take you home.
You remember who we are, yes? You're the nasty egg people who stole all my waffles.
Look out! [CLATTERS.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[YELPING.]
Um, where's Beast Boy? Razzen-frazzen Titans.
Fix this guy? I don't even like this guy.
Oughta blast his stinkin' CPU to Munch crud, viral scum.
BEAST BOY: Dude, cut it out.
What the? Blob Boy? I'm here to help.
Oh, lucky stinkin' me.
A goop bag with a nucleus for a brain.
You're gonna be loads of help.
My friend's the one in trouble, so I'm here whether you like it or not.
Hey, birdbrain, you hearing this crud? Yes, and it's a good idea.
You've got a partner now, Gizmo.
Deal with it.
But, Beast Boy, for Cyborg's sake, please don't touch anything.
Huh? Don't move.
Are you kidding me with this? Robin just said we have to work togeth Aagh! [BEAST BOY YELPS.]
GIZMO: Hey! Hold still so I can blast it, you mushbrain.
[GRUNTING.]
Ha-ha.
Awesome! We kicked its virus butt.
Mission accomplished.
Wake up, pinhead.
That was only a drone.
There could be thousands of drones.
We have to delete the viral core.
Oh.
I knew that.
I was just testing you.
And you passed.
Congratulations.
GIZMO: Just try to stay out of my way.
[CYBORG MUNCHING.]
[BEEPS.]
[BEEPING.]
[CACKLING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[BEEPING.]
You can keep your sprinkles, I need raspberry filling! [GRUNTING.]
[GURGLING.]
[GULPS.]
[SPITS.]
No, not macaroni.
[GRUNTING.]
Cyborg's virus has made sick the machine of money.
And if this is what it does to an ATM machine There's no telling what it can do to everything else.
Come on! [SHRIEKS.]
Nasty.
So, what is this stuff, anyway? Leftovers.
The virus is feeding on his circuits.
And judging by how scuzzed up they are, I'd say we're getting close to his brain.
[RUMBLING.]
And what are those? White blood cells.
Cyburger's human immune system thinks we're the virus.
Run! [WHIMPERS.]
Agh! [GRUNTING.]
Aagh! [GRUNTING.]
Aaagh! [GIZMO YELLING.]
[WAILING.]
[LAUGHING.]
ROBIN: The city's communication hub.
If he infects that transmitter coil, the virus will spread to every machine within 100 miles.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Uh.
[BOTH YELL.]
[GRUNTING.]
Egh! Egh! So we're just gonna pretend this never happened.
Deal? Gizmo, Beast Boy, report.
Eh, blow it out your cake hole.
[YELPS.]
[GROWLS.]
I think he means we're almost there.
Almost isn't good enough.
Don't rush me, scuzzbreath.
The rate this virus is spreading, I don't even know if I can fix him anymore.
You have to.
If the virus isn't stopped, Cyborg could wreck the entire city.
And I'm the idiot who wrecked Cyborg.
GIZMO: That ought to do it.
BEAST BOY: That ought to do what? Simple.
If Cyborg tries to wreck the city, this'll shut him down but good.
But you'll be able to turn him back on, right? GIZMO: Don't know.
Don't care.
I don't care if this virus wrecks the whole world.
I'm not letting you hurt my friend.
Yeah, that's your job, isn't it? We'll find a way to stop the virus in time.
Somehow.
I already found a way.
[BEEPING.]
[GURGLING.]
Ooh! That is one big cherry.
[SNORTS.]
[BELLOWING.]
Ugh.
[GRUNTING.]
[CACKLING.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GIGGLING.]
They're gonna eat us.
Uh, how come they're not trying to eat us? Because they're not stupid, stupid.
The virus knows we can't stop it and so do I.
This is a waste of skunkin' time.
Hey! You want to go for another ride? Then keep on moving.
GIZMO: The viral core.
In theory, I just have to nail it with my anti-viral program, and it'll get deleted.
[RUMBLING.]
Huh? COMPUTER: Scanning.
Scanning.
Anti-viral code: obsolete.
Threat: minor.
Deletion: imminent.
Aagh! Aagh! Aagh! Agh! I quit.
Hey, get back here! That may not be able to stop you, but I will.
Scanning.
Single-celled organism.
Threat: zero.
Deletion: imminent.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Aagh! [ALL SCREAM.]
Cludge it.
I'm pulling the plug.
[BEEPING.]
Aaaagh! Eat electrons, you pit-sniffin' worms.
Ah.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[ALL GRUNT.]
[WHIMPERING.]
[BEAST BOY SCREAMS, THEN GROANS.]
Single-celled organism.
Mental capacity: zero.
Programming ability: zero.
Mathematical aptitude: zero.
You know, this cell may stink at math, but I can still multiply.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Scanning processor overwhelmed.
[ALARM BLARING.]
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[CACKLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, get off of me.
My suit! [SCREAMS, GRUNTING.]
Say goodnight, viro-scrunge.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? Aagh! [ALL LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROWLS.]
Ah-ah-ah choo! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
ROBIN: Cyborg.
Cyborg, answer me.
[EXHALES.]
No.
[GROANING.]
What happened? Oh, my stomach! Feels like I ate a tire.
[BELCHES.]
That's a distinct possibility.
Then you are all right? I think so.
Something must have overloaded my systems and triggered an automatic reboot.
After that, virus protection came back online.
Whatever got into me, it's out.
Beast Boy.
He did it.
Aw, man, that better not be who I think it is.
BEAST BOY: And then, after we waded through all this black goop to get inside your brain, that's when we saw the viral core, which was this huge, jiggling Whoa! I appreciate what you did for me, but, dude, please.
It's hard enough knowing you were running around inside me.
I don't need to know what else.
I have to hand it to you, Beast Boy, what you did was Pretty clever.
For you.
I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I'm dumb enough to try anything.
Uh, I realize he is a cruel, diminutive criminal, who speaks the mean words and is not our friend, but still I wonder, what became of Gizmo? GIZMO: Razzen-frazzen Titans! Crud! # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! # # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! # # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! #
BEAST BOY: Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Ha! I'm a genius.
By simply turning off all those useless security programs, and connecting directly to an underground server in eastern Zandia, I, Beast Boy, have got my hands on an advanced copy of the hottest video game ever, "Mega Monkeys 4!" And then Look out, monkeys, here I Huh? Hmm.
GameStation must not have enough horsepower, but I bet the Titan mainframe does.
[BEEPING.]
Ugh.
Oh, man.
Isn't there a computer around here that can play this thing? Ha! If Cyborg's computer can't handle this, nobody's can.
[SNORING.]
Now, where do I.
.
? Ah, here we go.
[GRUNTING.]
Kind of a Ugh.
tight fit.
[BEEPING.]
Sweet! Huh? Not sweet.
Agh! No! Agh, no! No! No! Agh! Ohhhhh! Better motor before Aaagh! Cyborg.
What are you doing here? It's my room.
What are you doing here? I, um Practicing my nose whistle.
[WHISTLING.]
No! You been messing with my computer? Me? No.
Uh, that's your computer? Then what's this? My system recharger.
And speaking of, I could use a little juice.
Wait! I think your recharger might have a Virus! [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans go! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans! # [PUFFY AMIYUMI SINGING IN JAPANESE.]
# Teen Titans go! # # One, two, three, four, go! # Teen Titans! Cyborg, come back! What is going on? CYBORG: Oh, I'll tell you what's going on.
This is the best peanut brittle I've ever tasted! [SLURPING.]
Uh, he's just excited.
I got an advanced copy of "Mega Monkeys 4.
" Ooh! Star, remember that purple, wiggly Tamaranian pie thingy you made that was full of bugs? My stewed gruntmak which made you physically sick? Yeah.
You gotta cook up some of that.
Heh-heh.
Um, long story short, I tried to play "Mega Monkeys" on Cyborg's system recharger and now he's got some kind of computer virus.
Or, you know, it could be just gas.
A virus? Beast Boy, this is serious.
Seriously weird.
Mmm! Ah.
Who ordered this pizza? It's cheese-tastic.
Ooh.
Thirsty now.
[GURGLING.]
Cyborg, there's something wrong with you.
Please, let us help.
You bet there's something wrong.
[MOOS.]
We need gravy.
And plenty of it! [YELLING.]
Ooh.
You know what would be fun? Let's all go out for Whoppers.
Raven, you like Whoppers, don't you? More than life itself.
I like Whoppers We must help him.
No problem.
I'll shrink to the size of an amoeba, get inside of him, and then And then what? Mess him up even worse? Thanks, Beast Boy, but I think you've done enough.
We need an expert.
But who? The only person qualified to repair Cyborg is Cyborg.
Whoppers, Whoppers I hate to admit it, but there is one other person.
[MACHINES HUMMING.]
[LAUGHS.]
Look out, you shoe-lickin' gunksteins.
Gizmo's bootlegged copy of "Mega Monkeys 4" is about to go live.
Ah! Hey, what the? Whoa! No stinkin' way.
I'm not fixin' that overgrown bucket of robo-scrunge, and there's nothing you grot-slurpers could ever do or say to make me Agh.
[SCREAMS.]
[TEETH CHATTERING.]
I'll help.
Hmm.
Hmph.
[GASPS.]
Eww.
Your friend is thrashed.
What kind of sludge-sniffin' idiot gets himself infected with the EndZone Virus? He had some help.
Can you fix him? Of course I can fix him, but I got to shrink down to microscopic size, go in, and hit the virus where it lives.
[QUIETLY.]
Yeah.
Good idea.
What? You nose hairs never seen a shrink suit before? Maybe I should go.
You can direct me from outside.
Forget it, scuzz-ball.
This tech only works on me and I work alone.
But maybe I can Never mind.
Hey.
Did y'all know there are 456 varieties of yams? I like yams Please, why does he speak of subterranean vegetables? [SCOFFS.]
You don't know crud.
The virus is messing with his central processor You know, his brain.
and that's where you're gonna put me.
[GIGGLES.]
[SNORING.]
Okay, barf-brains, I'm in position.
Don't worry, Cyborg.
This won't hurt a bit.
[GASPS.]
Hey! [GIZMO GRUNTING.]
GIZMO: What's going on out there? [GRUMBLING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Hot links! Aw, yeah.
The injection was successful? I think so.
Gizmo, report.
Are you inside Cyborg? Oh, I'm inside him, all right, but I'm not in his brain.
I'm in his butt.
[TRANSPONDER BEEPING.]
I've got his signal.
Titans, move.
Nice shootin', spork-brains.
You cludgeheads have any idea how long it's gonna take me to get from this tin can's can all the way up to his brain? Then I suggest you stop complaining and start moving.
We need to find Cyborg and bring him home before he hurts himself or somebody else.
Or an innocent street sign.
[GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
Take it easy, Cyborg.
It's us.
We're here to take you home.
You remember who we are, yes? You're the nasty egg people who stole all my waffles.
Look out! [CLATTERS.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[YELPING.]
Um, where's Beast Boy? Razzen-frazzen Titans.
Fix this guy? I don't even like this guy.
Oughta blast his stinkin' CPU to Munch crud, viral scum.
BEAST BOY: Dude, cut it out.
What the? Blob Boy? I'm here to help.
Oh, lucky stinkin' me.
A goop bag with a nucleus for a brain.
You're gonna be loads of help.
My friend's the one in trouble, so I'm here whether you like it or not.
Hey, birdbrain, you hearing this crud? Yes, and it's a good idea.
You've got a partner now, Gizmo.
Deal with it.
But, Beast Boy, for Cyborg's sake, please don't touch anything.
Huh? Don't move.
Are you kidding me with this? Robin just said we have to work togeth Aagh! [BEAST BOY YELPS.]
GIZMO: Hey! Hold still so I can blast it, you mushbrain.
[GRUNTING.]
Ha-ha.
Awesome! We kicked its virus butt.
Mission accomplished.
Wake up, pinhead.
That was only a drone.
There could be thousands of drones.
We have to delete the viral core.
Oh.
I knew that.
I was just testing you.
And you passed.
Congratulations.
GIZMO: Just try to stay out of my way.
[CYBORG MUNCHING.]
[BEEPS.]
[BEEPING.]
[CACKLING.]
[LAUGHING.]
[BEEPING.]
You can keep your sprinkles, I need raspberry filling! [GRUNTING.]
[GURGLING.]
[GULPS.]
[SPITS.]
No, not macaroni.
[GRUNTING.]
Cyborg's virus has made sick the machine of money.
And if this is what it does to an ATM machine There's no telling what it can do to everything else.
Come on! [SHRIEKS.]
Nasty.
So, what is this stuff, anyway? Leftovers.
The virus is feeding on his circuits.
And judging by how scuzzed up they are, I'd say we're getting close to his brain.
[RUMBLING.]
And what are those? White blood cells.
Cyburger's human immune system thinks we're the virus.
Run! [WHIMPERS.]
Agh! [GRUNTING.]
Aagh! [GRUNTING.]
Aaagh! [GIZMO YELLING.]
[WAILING.]
[LAUGHING.]
ROBIN: The city's communication hub.
If he infects that transmitter coil, the virus will spread to every machine within 100 miles.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
Uh.
[BOTH YELL.]
[GRUNTING.]
Egh! Egh! So we're just gonna pretend this never happened.
Deal? Gizmo, Beast Boy, report.
Eh, blow it out your cake hole.
[YELPS.]
[GROWLS.]
I think he means we're almost there.
Almost isn't good enough.
Don't rush me, scuzzbreath.
The rate this virus is spreading, I don't even know if I can fix him anymore.
You have to.
If the virus isn't stopped, Cyborg could wreck the entire city.
And I'm the idiot who wrecked Cyborg.
GIZMO: That ought to do it.
BEAST BOY: That ought to do what? Simple.
If Cyborg tries to wreck the city, this'll shut him down but good.
But you'll be able to turn him back on, right? GIZMO: Don't know.
Don't care.
I don't care if this virus wrecks the whole world.
I'm not letting you hurt my friend.
Yeah, that's your job, isn't it? We'll find a way to stop the virus in time.
Somehow.
I already found a way.
[BEEPING.]
[GURGLING.]
Ooh! That is one big cherry.
[SNORTS.]
[BELLOWING.]
Ugh.
[GRUNTING.]
[CACKLING.]
[GROWLS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GIGGLING.]
They're gonna eat us.
Uh, how come they're not trying to eat us? Because they're not stupid, stupid.
The virus knows we can't stop it and so do I.
This is a waste of skunkin' time.
Hey! You want to go for another ride? Then keep on moving.
GIZMO: The viral core.
In theory, I just have to nail it with my anti-viral program, and it'll get deleted.
[RUMBLING.]
Huh? COMPUTER: Scanning.
Scanning.
Anti-viral code: obsolete.
Threat: minor.
Deletion: imminent.
Aagh! Aagh! Aagh! Agh! I quit.
Hey, get back here! That may not be able to stop you, but I will.
Scanning.
Single-celled organism.
Threat: zero.
Deletion: imminent.
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Aagh! [ALL SCREAM.]
Cludge it.
I'm pulling the plug.
[BEEPING.]
Aaaagh! Eat electrons, you pit-sniffin' worms.
Ah.
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[ALL GRUNT.]
[WHIMPERING.]
[BEAST BOY SCREAMS, THEN GROANS.]
Single-celled organism.
Mental capacity: zero.
Programming ability: zero.
Mathematical aptitude: zero.
You know, this cell may stink at math, but I can still multiply.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Scanning processor overwhelmed.
[ALARM BLARING.]
[ALL LAUGHING.]
[CACKLING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Hey, get off of me.
My suit! [SCREAMS, GRUNTING.]
Say goodnight, viro-scrunge.
[BEEPING.]
Huh? Aagh! [ALL LAUGHING.]
[SCREAMING.]
[GROWLS.]
Ah-ah-ah choo! [ALL SCREAMING.]
[GROANING.]
ROBIN: Cyborg.
Cyborg, answer me.
[EXHALES.]
No.
[GROANING.]
What happened? Oh, my stomach! Feels like I ate a tire.
[BELCHES.]
That's a distinct possibility.
Then you are all right? I think so.
Something must have overloaded my systems and triggered an automatic reboot.
After that, virus protection came back online.
Whatever got into me, it's out.
Beast Boy.
He did it.
Aw, man, that better not be who I think it is.
BEAST BOY: And then, after we waded through all this black goop to get inside your brain, that's when we saw the viral core, which was this huge, jiggling Whoa! I appreciate what you did for me, but, dude, please.
It's hard enough knowing you were running around inside me.
I don't need to know what else.
I have to hand it to you, Beast Boy, what you did was Pretty clever.
For you.
I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I'm dumb enough to try anything.
Uh, I realize he is a cruel, diminutive criminal, who speaks the mean words and is not our friend, but still I wonder, what became of Gizmo? GIZMO: Razzen-frazzen Titans! Crud! # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! # # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! # # T-E-E-N # # T-I-T-A-N-S # # Teen Titans # # Let's go! #