The Batman (2004) s03e04 Episode Script

Well, you said we should try makin' our own money.
Now we'll be makin' as much as we want of it.
Sir, um, I meant we should try making honest money.
Ow! Shut up, dummy.
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to ya.
Uh, yes, sir.
Sorry, Mr.
Scarface, sir.
Now, grab those plates.
I see you're still carrying that dead weight around.
Believe me, Batman, I've tried ditchin' the bum, but he follows me everywhere I go.
I was talking to The Ventriloquist.
Well, talk to this! Pennies from heaven.
Don't forget your change.
Look whose face is gonna be on the new nickel.
Huh? Out of the fryin' pan and into the fire.
Run, dummy.
Tails, you lose.
For today's exercise I want each of you to reach deep within your criminal minds and have a one-on-one with the innocent voice within.
Mine's not talking.
Must be a mime.
Uh very well, Joker.
Anyone else care to share? I'd like to share somethin'.
I don't belong in here with the rest of you nutjobs.
Ooh.
Little old to be playin' with dolls, aren't ya? Who are you callin' "doll"? I'll make you eat that monocle! Oh, he's He's only goofing on you.
Maybe you would like to eat the monocle.
You have quite an interesting friend there, Mr.
Wesker.
Tell me, why do you allow him to speak to you that way? The dummy's lucky I speak to him at all.
Fascinating.
Oh, Mr.
Wesker.
After listening to you today, I would like to propose a radical treatment program, one which I believe might yield dramatic results.
W-w-well, we'll do whatever will make us upstanding citizens, Professor Strange.
Speak for yourself, dummy.
Oh, no, no, Mr.
Wesker.
This treatment is not intended for the both of you.
What are you doin'? Let go of me.
Oh, no.
Now, there is someone whom I would like you to meet.
Children are Gotham's greatest resource.
And the new interactive children's museum will help their minds grow strong.
Now it gives me great pleasure to introduce the key architect of this undertaking, Mr.
Bruce Wayne.
Hey, what's that? Look.
Thank you, Mayor Grange.
The dramatic entrance is intended to represent that, while I may fall from the sky, money doesn't.
Which is why Wayne Industries will provide the funds necessary to transform Gotham's old fish cannery into its future pride, the Discoverdrome.
Congratulations, Arnold Wesker.
You are a free man, in more ways than one.
Thank you, Professor Strange.
Thank you for everything.
What is it, Alfred? The Discoverdrome invitations arrived misspelled, sir.
Apparently, you are hosting a farty.
Not a good time.
I'm tracking Arnold Wesker.
The Ventriloquist? Wasn't he declared cured, sir? Maybe too soon.
The Batwave recorded him talking about doing a job.
And the upscale penthouse I'm staring at would fall into that category.
I just don't see Wesker having the nerve to go through with it without his little friend.
Unless he smuggled Scarface out of Arkham.
Wesker's making his move.
Show's over, Ventrilo Will you be my friend? This is your job? Entertaining children.
I have a new life now, Batman.
And thanks to Professor Strange, a silly new friend.
I'm Mr.
Snoots.
My favorite color is green.
What's yours? You may not know his face, but you remember the voices of the many wacky characters he performed on TV's beloved Cockamamie Junction.
After the show's cancellation, puppeteer Arnold Wesker took a new act on the road with little success.
In a bizarre twist, Wesker developed a true split personality and embarked on a life of crime, becoming the underworld kingpin known as The Ventriloquist.
Now, after extensive therapy, Arnold Wesker is having a fresh start at what he does best, bringing children joy.
Who wants candy? Rather unsettling, if you ask me.
I'm hoping Wesker's rehabilitation is for real.
I think I'll consult with Arkham's Chief of Psychiatry, Hugo Strange.
Well, I'm most certain Arnold Wesker would be delighted to perform at your gala, Mr.
Wayne.
I'm just a little concerned that the valuables at our fund-raising auction might provide a temptation for him.
Are you certain Wesker's cured? I'm certain that Arnold Wesker can be trusted, as long as Scarface stays out of the picture.
You've put my mind at ease, professor.
My pleasure, Mr.
Wayne.
Of course, should Scarface reappear Oh.
Do you hear that, Mr.
Snoots? A big job.
Hot diggity! I know the kids will love your performance.
There's also gonna be a fund-raising auction of some extremely valuable sports memorabilia.
Wow.
Snooterrific.
Well, thank you, Mr.
Snoots.
I'll see you, and your buddy, Arnold, Saturday night.
Have a silly day.
Well, sir? Wesker seems okay.
I sure hope that's the case.
Mr.
Snoots, I thought we'd celebrate tonight.
Your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes.
Mr.
Snoots? Where are you? Mr.
Snoots? Mr.
Snoots? Have you been snacking between meals again? Oh, no, no, no.
Hello, dummy.
You! How could you?! For once I was happy! Why couldn't you stay out of my life?! Because you owe me dummy.
You left me there to rot in the can.
I'm I'm sorry, sir.
They told me you were gone, for good.
Well, you better not ever double cross me again, you little rat.
Yes, sir.
You're the boss.
That's right.
Now let's get the old gang back together.
I hear we have a big job to do.
Big night, Bruce.
Let's hope tonight's patrons step up to the plate.
Some of these items are worth a fortune.
I'm sorry to interrupt, Mayor Grange, but Mr.
Wayne has a call.
Take a message please, Alfred.
It is rather urgent.
Excuse me, mayor.
Sure, Bruce.
Aw.
How come you get to be the dinosaur, Mugsy? You look ridiculous.
No, Rhino, you look like a smile that's been kissed by a rainbow.
Stop talking like that.
And youse two, just stay in character until I give the signal.
What is it, commissioner? An anonymous tip? Wesker's gonna hit the gala.
I see.
Mr.
Snoots, can I have a hug? Kid, touch me and I will destroy you.
Mom! Have a silly day.
Why did you have to make him cry? The crying's just startin'.
Release the onion gas, boys.
Careful.
They ain't worth squat damaged.
How'd he get the jump on us? Get the Bat.
Not the baseball bats, you morons, those are priceless.
Try whackin' the Bat with somethin' we're not stealin'! I smell a rat.
Only one way the Bat could have found us so quick.
Someone dropped a dime on our little caper.
It wasn't me, boss.
Me neither.
I know who.
You You think it was me? I didn't do it.
Honest.
Save it, stoolie.
You sold us out.
Didn't I warn you about double-crossin' me again, dummy? Please don't do this, sir.
It wasn't me.
I know it was you, Arnie.
You broke my heart.
You broke my heart.
Let her rip, boys.
Here it comes.
Next stop, your face.
Help! Climb aboard! Get the Bat.
Climb aboard! Help! Free yourself, Wesker.
You don't have to let Scarface control you.
I'm sorry, sir, but you leave me no choice.
Will you just lie there, dummy? Yes, sir.
Sorry.
Here comes Choo-Choo Chucky.
Chugga-chugga, choo-choo! Now you pay for rattin' me out.
Wesker wasn't your rat.
It was him.
Mr.
Snoots? He's the rat? It's true, I called the police.
Well, I'm gonna turn you inside out.
Bring it on.
Howdy, partner! I'm gonna wipe that stupid smile off your face, once and for all.
Ha! Ho, ho! Ha! Wha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! No! End of the line! He was the most special guy in the whole wide wonderful world.
If you're referring to Mr.
Snoots, there may be hope for you yet.
You planted Scarface in Wesker's apartment.
Why? I had to put my treatment to the test, Batman.
You know, to see if the criminal mind can ever really be cured.
I don't approve of your methods, Professor Strange.
Says the man who dresses like a bat.
I'll be watching you.