The Last Kids on Earth (2019) s03e04 Episode Script

1
[music playing]
Dun, dun, dun, dun, leap!
Dun, dun, slide!
Dun, dun, parkour! Huh!
Aah! [grunts] Help!
I can't hold on!
If I fall, I'm I'm [grunting]
I'm out!
-[grunting]
-Aww, thanks, boy.
-[groans]
-Oops! Sorry!
Sensitive wretch wounds, forgot.
[panting]
Gah! Gotta get back on top.
Huh! OK, drama king, it's just a game.
A game that I will dominate!
Ugh! I don't think so!
It's the streets are lava, June.
I've never been out first.
Never!
[Quint] Reserve that excitement
for Big Al's!
We'll be finding omnidirectional
amplifying antenna.
For
[all] The radio!
Oh, right. The radio.
All anyone cares about
is that stupidwhoa! Uhh!
Gah! Uhh!
[June chuckles] Oh, no!
You're out for reals this time, Jack.
Ah, but I'm never out first.
Ugh, stupid lava.
[gasps] There it is!
-[zombies growling]
-Oh, looks like we're not the only ones
looking for a nerd-tenna.
[growling]
See? See? They touched the ground first.
I'm never out first.
Never!
[theme music playing]
Whooaah!
[screaming]
[sniffing]
Hmm. There must be a way in.
-But there are considerable obstacles
-[grunting, munching]
between us and where I hope
to find an antenna. Hmm.
Man. Barbed wire? Zombies?
-This is gonna be a bear.
-Oh, you know Ber, too?
No. Wait, are we talking about the animal?
No, Ber. She's a super cool monster.
[chuckles] You wouldn't know her.
Hey, I might!
I know cool monsters.
Me and Globlet do Monday movie nights.
Oh, hey! We should know
more cool monsters. New quest!
Our most vital quest lays directly
in front of us, my friend.
[June] Yeah. The only thing we need
to get the radio working is that antenna.
And then we can contact other humans.
See who else is out there!
So we wont' be alone.
[sighs]
[growling]
OK, team. Let's brainstorm how to get past
that moat of zombies and into Big Al's.
Oh, I've got it!
We could dig a tunnel that comes
up right inside the dump.
[Quint] Unless Wormongulous
has other, angrier siblings down there.
[munching, burps]
Wait, I know!
A hot air balloon flown over
all the shenanigans and lands safely in
-[Quint] A wretch's mouth?
-[wretch screaming]
-[kids screaming]
-[Quint] A hot air balloon
is just a slow moving target.
Jack, what about you? Any ideas?
[grunts] I don't know,
a jet-powered pogo stick?
No, that's a horrible idea,
but it gives me a great idea!
OK. Pogo sticks, sleeping bags,
and the first thing we'll need
is a fold-out couch.
Uh, I don't think any of us
expected him to say that.
And I know just where to get it.
[knocking on door]
Huh? [grunts]
Bardle!
Oh, sorry. Were you napping?
No. I was simply working
on my mystic projection spells.
[chuckles] It's OK
to say you were napping.
I wasn't napping!
[clears throat] I am mastering the ability
to leave one's physical form behind
and navigate the astral planes.
Cool, cool. Fun, fun.
-[sniffing]
-What do you want?
[Quint]
Your couch, actually.
-We're attempting to build a device to
-[Jack] To get into a dump.
Anyways, if you could help us,
we'd be more than grateful.
-[groaning]
-Your steed is injured.
Yeah, the king wretch did this to him.
-King jerk!
-[Rover groans]
Unfortunate.
[Jack grunting]
Mm, you may take the couch,
but I'd like you to retrieve
an item for me in return.
-High-tensile tungsten steel.
-Uh, high-tensile what?
-Aah!
-Please step away from my jars.
-[fake cough]
-Tungsten steel?
-[Jack grunting]
-That should be doable.
Though it would require
Dirk's strength to carry.
Ugh, come on. Really?
It is quite heavy.
Perhaps a task more fitting for a monster.
Hey! I can do it!
-Well, then, let's get moving.
-[grunting] Gah!
On three.
Three!
[all grunting]
Be good, boy.
[June grunts]
Bardle, I was wondering
if you had a moment to help me with
No. I take no interest
in your frivolous contraptions.
Magic is my focus.
Hey, my inventions aren't frivolous.
For example
The Lorb! The light orb.
Just take it out, smack it,
and watch the darkness disappear.
Observe.
-Aah!
-[groans]
[squealing]
See? I need help.
I'd like you to leave now.
[monsters chattering]
[June] Careful!
And that's why I have so many legs.
Uh, you know what? I got it. [chuckles]
[grunting] Yup!
[monster mumbles]
[grunts]
-Uh ooh Oh, no[grunts]
-Ohh!
Aah!
No! Ber!
[Chef]
Ah, you basket of brainless bile!
You made Ber leave.
Oh, that's Ber!
Oh, man, she is cool!
-[grunts] Huh?
-Oh, sure.
You're strong enough to do that.
Uh-huh, yeah, and I'm
a professional ballet dancer.
[laughing]
My hand slipped, that's all.
[clears throat and roughens voice]
I can do anything you guys do.
I am a monster!
[laughing]
Look, honey, I get it.
You take one look at me and you think,
wow, I wanna be that!
You will never be a monster.
[gasping]
-[groans]
-[Chef] But I'll tell you what,
I'll give you three tasks
to see if you're monster worthy.
Name 'em, [speaking indistinctly]
Number one, drag a slab
of weighted metal for three groblons.
Easy.
Number two, snap a pic
of the elusive Gookazoo
living in that Big Al's Junkyard place.
-[crowd] Ooh!
-And number three?
Uh, let's just focus on the first two
for now, merry sunshine.
Pfft! Fine!
Matter of fact, I'm headed to get
some very heavy tongue, uh,
twister steel, or whatever, right now.
But if you fail, you go
crying home to mama,
and you never get to hang
with the monsters again.
But if I succeed,
I'm not just monster worthy,
I am a honorary monster.
Hah! Deal!
Let's go. [grunting]
Uh, can you guys help me with this?
[grunts]
-[sighs]
-OK. One item down.
[sniffs] I love the smell
of achievement in the afternoon.
Oh, and yet, so many more items to get.
Uh, like you said, Quint,
it could take days.
No!
Weeks! Months! Decades.
Jack's right! We have to each
take an item and split up.
Yeah! Wait split up?
Jack, you're full of ideas today.
I'm full of something, all right.
[grunts]
[music playing]
[growling]
[Dirk] Ugh! Stupid Chef!
Stupid Chef's face!
I'm just as strong as any of them.
[grunting] Oh.
Tongue-don steel or whatever acquired.
[pogo stick clanking]
Pogo sticks acquired.
Whoo! [laughs]
[June over walkie-talkie]
How's it going at the camping store, Jack?
Boo! You guys clearly need a lesson
in how to have fun with a quest.
[June] I'm having fun!
-[Dirk] Me too!
-[Quint] I'm enjoying myself as well!
Aah!
[grunting] Not as much fun
as we could be having together.
[sighs] That radio is already
breaking us apart.
[sighs]
Now, where did I put my wrench?
[roaring]
Oh! [nervous chuckle]
I said wrench, not wretch.
Wait! Aah!
Hey! We're in Big Al's. We made it!
And I fixed the radio!
[growling]
But I guess we didn't
take care of the zombies yet.
Hah!
[June] Quint! What are you doing?
Science.
[whirring]
Yeah! It worked!
My dezombinator, it worked!
-[male voice] Yeah!
-Time to go accept your Nobel prize.
Sir Quint.
Whoa. OK. Come on, guys, let's go!
No, just you.
But we're a team. We did it together!
Get in!
Nono! Not without you guys.
I said get in!
No!
[grunting]
[panting]
[sneezes]
Oh, yeah. There's my wrench.
[laughing]
Huh! Uhn! Huh! Ah!
Hah! [laughs]
Whoo! I would so dominate
in competitive pogo-ing!
[gasps]
Oh, boy.
[roaring]
[groaning]
[gasps]
Huh?
[man] Hey, June-bug.
Mom? Dad?
Come on, June-bug, give me a hug.
You're home! [panting]
Guys, come on!
No. Just you, June-bug.
-They can't come. You have to choose.
-Whwhat?
But they're my friends.
I said, come on, June-bug.
Come here!
No! My real parents would never
make me ditch my friends.
Never!
No!
[screaming]
Oh, yeah.
[humming]
Stupid Big Al's, stupid radio,
stupid sleeping bags,
stupid shadow wait.
Shadow?
-[gasps]
-[roaring]
Oh, no! It's a Tormentosaur!
Impenetrable hide, jaws of
[roaring]
OK. No time for that.
That's a lot of nope.
I've got no choice.
So, let's tango!
Dununununununa-na-na! Smash! Smash!
Recovering heavy steel stuff
like only a monster could do.
Whoa!
[roaring]
Wha
[cheering]
I was wrong.
You're not just one of us,
you're the best of us.
You are very, very cool.
Just like me.
Ber!
Let us celebrate in the new,
monsters-only, Joe's Pizza!
Um [grunts]
[monsters exclaiming]
Wait! Uhn!
Go in, chop-chop,
or you'll never be one of us!
[speaking simultaneously]
It's OK, Dirk. We understand.
Without my friends hard pass.
[gasps]
[roaring]
Oh, yeah! Got the high pencil steel.
[low growl]
-[roaring]
-OK.
You asked for it!
[grunting]
This would definitely be more fun
as a group project.
Uhh!
Hiyah! Huh?
Oh, yeah, impenetrable hide. Ouahh!
This is the kind of thing Rover needs!
Gah! Huh?
[roaring]
Oh, no, that's just redundant.
Aah! Uhh!
[groaning]
Guys, I need your help.
Guys, this is not a drill!
Oh, but those are help!
Sure, your back is all metally,
but if I've learned anything
from video games, it's this!
-[metallic clunk]
-And life isn't a video game.
Now it's time to run. [panting]
[grunting]
Well
at least I'll die doing what I love
fighting monsters all alone
without my friends.
Good bye, cruel worl ugh!
Eh? What? Huh?
[roaring]
Whoa. OK. that was pretty cool.
Almost as cool as Ber.
Oh, uh, now me.
Hey, so, Athanksbut BI gotta
[laughing]
-[grunts]
-[bell dings]
[laughing]
Woo-hoo! [laughs]
[cheering]
Jack, the world with you as king
is even better than the world
before the apocalypse.
And if you ever need a queen
of the world to beat stuff up for you
[gasps, grunts]
-[in French] Enchanté, mon p'tit chou.
-[in English] You speak French? Nice!
I speak French? Nice!
Then, du party-harty, my friends!
[cheers]
Mwah!
[Bardle]
Not until he wears his crown.
Do you accept the crown?
King Jack?
[chuckles] Uh
Um, maybe my friends and I
should all be in charge.
Like, we did this together.
Take the crown, boy!
Uh
Don't worry about us.
We want you to take it.
But I don't
Jack, take that crown
or you'll never see us again.
-[thunder]
-[groaning]
Aah!
[grunts] Hey, I'm stuck!
Guys? Guys!
Guys!
[female voice] Jack!
You wear your weakness so plainly.
Rezzöch!
I can smell your fear.
Aah!
Ugh. Rover?
Ah, good boy! Thank you!
-That was
-[groaning]
-Oh, that was insane.
-[barking]
And that is also insane.
-[roars]
-[barks]
[groans]
-[walkie-talkie static]
-[Quint sighs]
Uhh. Where is he?
Duh, can't believe I'm actually
worried about that dork.
[barking]
Did someone say "sleeping bags"?
-No!
-Aah!
Nobody said anything because
we were all waiting for you.
[Dirk] We were looking for you everywhere.
We were worried, you jerk!
We called your walkie a bijillion times!
Uh, no! I called your guys's walkies
until a monster
drove through it with drill hands.
What?
I needed your help.
TheII was
fighting this monster, alone!
-Ugh, and then the king wretch
-You saw the king wretch again?
-Oh, no!
-Well, I
See? We should have been worried!
I saw it flying in the sky
where I was not.
And you you didn't?
-None of you saw the king wretch?
-I don't think so.
-Not me.
-I saw a bumblebee.
Hah! Well, me neither,
so, looks like that's a thing
that happened to none of us.
[low growl]
OK. Well, if we're done here, I gotta go
prove I finished the first monster task.
Dununununu-dun-dun. Smash! Smash!
OK. I'm gonna take the springs
off those pogo sticks for Quint.
And I'm gonna check the zombie torches.
Then I'll meet you at Big Mama,
and we're off to Big Al's.
-Everything's big!
-[sighs]
[groans]
[gasps] It was real.
What have I done?
[zombies growl]
Who's ready to get couch-a-pulted?
Couch-a-pulted?
The couch-a-pult.
A pogo-stick-spring-loaded catapult.
Attached to a comfy couch!
Safely welded to the back
of any standard vehicle.
Perfect for all your
junkyard infiltration needs.
And now we have sleeping bags
to absorb the impact
after we're launched into the junkyard.
That's what we were running
around town getting stuff for?
-That's
-Insane.
ly genius! Great work, Quint.
And hey, if it doesn't work, we can
come up with another plan in pfff
two, uh, three weeks to try again.
[growling]
Nah-uh, no. Whatever it takes.
[grunting]
When you hit the ground, try to roll
to absorb the impact.
[Jack]
Roll? My arms are by my sides.
Bundle yourself. Just sort of bunch up.
Bunch or bundle?
I'm getting mixed messages.
Bunch, but not too tight, 'cause then,
the impact might, well, kill you.
Hold up, Quint. Just how far and high
is this thing gonna pult us?
-I haven't actually tested it.
-You haven't tested it?
You're Mr. Science! Isn't testing
a big part of science?
-Actually, the hypothesis
-You guys talk too much.
[yelling]
[music playing]