The Royals (2015) s03e04 Episode Script

1 Previously on The Royals.
I spent a lot of time in my brother's shadow, but it wasn't okay the day I met you.
Bagsy, Sparrow.
If she was my girl, I wouldn't hide her.
I'm a royal.
She's not.
How could you? These letters were supposed to be between us.
Not us! Don't ever doubt your words again, they're perfect.
Just believe in them.
(CYRUS) You tricked me.
If you think I'm giving up my reign without a fight, you'd better watch your back.
#kingliam seems to be everywhere.
Simon is your biological father.
I need you to believe in me now.
This is your last night as King.
Things are gonna change for you now.
Things are gonna change for us.
Robby? Hello, Mum.
(ROBERT) Lenny.
Lenny.
Lenny.
- Lenny.
- Hm? Come here.
Robby? You always did make everything about you.
(They laugh) Right, I've ordered tea to the Blue State Room, which will be served momentarily, and, um, have you caught your sister up yet? Mother, relax.
Come here, join us.
(Scoffs) I've no idea what kind of shit you're up to now, but you've already won.
What could you possibly need with a Robert double? Uncle Cyrus.
Maybe it is you.
Well, if so, I guess you've all got a lot to catch up on.
To be clear, Daddy's dead.
Discuss.
Here's the file on your death.
And the one on your father's.
I want to say, Your Majesty, it's an absolute honor to have you back.
Thank you, Mr.
Hill.
What's on this disk is a little graphic, I must warn you.
But if you feel you need to see it I'll let you have some time on your own, then.
It is so much better in the morning.
Mm.
So much better.
I mean, it's not too shabby at night either.
Mm, but this, in the morning, just feels right.
This does feel right.
And the crazy thing is, I don't even have the urge to reach for my phone.
I don't even know where it is.
And I don't care.
Usually it's sex then phone.
As soon as I turn my phone on all of this goes away.
It can wait ten more minutes.
Hear hear.
Ahem! Jasper! You scared the hell out of us! You need to return to the palace immediately, Your Highness.
Since when do you call me Since you need to return to the palace immediately, Your Highness.
And I left you in the shade I was still running From all my mistakes I traced my lies to the coast All I could find was your ghost All I could find You took your time.
Where the hell have you been? I could say the same to you.
(They chuckle) The lake didn't cover Only came to bear the sand I'll never forget the last thing that Dad said to me.
Oh, yeah? What was that? That's between me and him.
I was supposed to meet him for his walk.
The night it happened.
- Why didn't you? - I was with a girl.
- Anyone important? - It's a long story.
You couldn't have known.
Been gone less than a year, yet it feels like a lifetime.
I've missed so much.
(Message alert) (Sighs) Sire, look what I've done.
I look just like my Majesty again.
Good for you, Chad.
But for the last time, I'm not going to be king anymore.
The only remaining gig will be lying in my casket.
- But, Your Majesty - (Groans) We had a good run, you and me, but your services are no longer required.
Maybe you should go back to just being incredibly handsome.
Vanish.
You daft thing.
For us to keep this from the public we need to appear business as usual.
So, send a couple of tweets, Instagram a selfie, or a plate of food, or whatever.
Not you, Robert, obviously.
(She chuckles) How many people were involved in the rescue? Once I called MI6, they informed a handful of admins with top security clearance.
Then there were the four military extractors that I know and trust.
I told them I had to tell you in person.
They dropped me at the tunnel entrance.
What were they going to say to the prince? No? We need to keep a tight lid on this for now.
- So, Eleanor.
- Yup.
Proceed with the preliminary interview with Vanity Fair and don't give any indication of abnormalities.
(ROBERT) What are your thoughts on going public? (HELENA) We'll use the press conference we had scheduled.
Great.
What was that for? To announce your brother and sister officially proven as Simon's children.
(Eleanor chuckles) - What? - Yeah.
- Seriously, Mum? - It wasn't my finest hour.
- You can say that again.
- Hear hear.
So who will introduce Robby at the press conference? - Mum should.
- (HELENA) Agreed.
Shall I have the writers prepare you a speech? Of course not.
It's been a while, son.
Can I just say that this is happening right now? We're here, all of us.
Your dear late brother returns from the dead and you can't stop texting.
Mm, some things never change.
Yeah.
(ELEANOR) Yeah, I'm really not interested in some kind of expose on my nightlife or gossip expedition.
(MAN) Absolutely not.
We couldn't be less interested in that.
Okay.
It would need to have some kind of special angle or point of view.
And who do you suggest style it? (MAN) Well, we thought you would.
(ELEANOR) I'll think about it and get back to you.
- I'm not saying no.
- (MAN) Brilliant.
Please take your time, Your Highness.
Talk soon.
Yep.
(Robert claps) - Oh.
- Wow, little sis! All grown up.
Very impressive.
You never even did interviews before, let along grant access for a full piece.
Mum asked me to pitch in a bit with the family image.
Well, I'm proud of you.
Hey, how did the Er Robert, this is Jasper Frost, Liam's security detail.
Hello, Mr.
Frost.
You're probably looking for Liam.
Liam! (Laughs) Not here, Mr.
Frost.
You'd think, if anyone, he would know where Liam was.
You Right? I've no idea.
Very strange.
(Knocking on door) Just seeing how you're getting on.
I apologize if it's weird to be in a guest room that used to be your room.
Your things are being gathered from storage.
Mum, please, relax.
You thought I was dead.
No need to apologize.
Nonsense.
You're not a guest.
Mum, it's what I want.
Something simple.
Really.
I just need to grab one thing out of the boxes.
Oh, and then all I need is that bed.
I did more thinking on that island about that bed than I care to admit.
It's amazing the power an object can hold over you if you let it.
Luckily we kept that bed.
Lucius thought it would be a waste of funds to replace it.
It's my job to claw back expenses so you continue to live the royal lifestyle (BOTH) the country expects of you.
Where is Lucius, by the way? - (Sighs) - Let me guess.
Long story.
Do I need to add your name to the list of people who didn't end it well with Father? Top of the list.
It was a distant couple of years for us, as I'm sure you remember.
I hope you found the time to see Alistair.
Alistair has chosen to never see me again.
Same long story.
So no Dad, no Lucius, no Alistair, and your old cohort, Cyr I mean King Cyrus.
Shit.
It must have been quite lonely for you lately.
No one feels sorry for us, my dear.
No.
That's why we have each other.
And no need to any more, 'cause I've got you back.
Right, I'll leave you to get some rest and then we'll get some more food into you.
You are too thin, darling.
I've been on the Paleo diet.
(Door closes) JOHN PARRY: Enough I'm not strong enough I'm not clever I'm just a London boy With my head up I'm on the stage most days Trying to earn a wage I'm doing what I love I'm not asking too much - I've had enough - (Shouting) I took a solemn oath to serve you all by calling to abolish the monarchy.
It's now down to the electorate to decide.
The king was assaulted and left for dead.
I know everything.
He was an extraordinary man, my dad.
This attack is an act of terrorism.
Things are about to get a whole lot worse.
Prince Liam and Princess Eleanor are not descendants of His Royal Majesty King Simon.
The King's memorial Father believed in you.
He gave his life to make his country better.
First-born son of King Simon One of the great things about my brother was he wasn't afraid to be his own man.
I'll miss him.
I love England with all my heart.
- And God save - the King.
I'm doing what you want me to Enough I'm doing what I wanna do I'm doing what I gotta do To get out Hello? You bitch.
Slag.
How dare you show your face here without calling? What if I were out? Veruca Popplewell, Duchess of Essex, as I live and breathe.
Darling, you look exquisite.
You and your Benjamin Button disease.
Stop.
You're more fabulous every time I see you.
Well, the game favors the young.
The title only gets one so far.
Tell me about it.
So, to what do we owe this delightfully unexpected visit from my ex sister-in-law? I came as soon as I heard the news.
I had to see the miracle for myself.
And what news is that, darling? - Our retched king's cancer.
- Of course.
You mean the big news.
In fact, the only news anyone is talking about round here.
So, come for a front-row seat to his misery, have you? You know me too well.
Well, I hate to keep you from your fun any longer, but please, let's brunch soon.
Let's.
(Exhales deeply) What a relief.
I feared the worst.
Perhaps don't relax just yet, ma'am.
Crenshaw's on his way saying you'll very much like to receive his audience.
F-M-L.
Skip the pleasantries.
I know why you're here and you know I can't comment on the report of the twins' paternity.
I also know that you offering a non-comment on something I myself haven't yet brought up is all the confirmation I need.
If that's the confirmation I was after.
However, this just validates my suspicion.
What could be a bigger story than the twins proven as Simon's children? That Robert is still alive.
You know how absurd that sounds, right? Perhaps I'll let you run the story.
It'll be the noose by which you string up your own empire, Mr.
Crenshaw.
I have a very valuable source in MI6.
I'm going to run my story.
I just thought I'd give you the opportunity for A quote? "Opportunity.
" Apropos word choice, Mr.
Crenshaw.
So now you know.
You have a decision.
Wait a measly 14 hours for the press conference, and have the opportunity to pre-write the full story with an exclusive, official interview about my time on the island.
In addition to the first query on camera.
Opportunity seized.
Or you release the story.
Have a few hundred page clicks on your increasingly less relevant website as it gets drowned out by the white noise of being the only publication to not have an official quote from yours truly.
Opportunity wasted.
So, will you seize the opportunity and be patient and parlay that patience into a legacy-defining story? (Sighs) (Snoring) Hey! (Sighs deeply) Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse.
Why are there two? I thought one had to be removed.
It's a neuticle.
A fake ball.
Generous with the sizing, weren't we? Did you just come here to prod me? Yes, actually.
But frankly, you've taken all the fun out of it with this depressive scene.
By the looks of it, you won't be around long enough - for the cancer to take you.
- That's the idea.
Don't let me stop you, then.
I'll just take a peek at the will and then be on my way to leave you to whatever this is.
The halfwits will be well taken care of.
They'll be able to flit around Dubai with the Eurotrash from here to eternity.
Or until you croak and Penelope returns to assume the crown with the new Queen Mother at her side.
(Laughs and winces) There'll be no Queen Motherhood for you, I'm afraid.
That bullshit artist friend of yours has proven her grating twins are Simon's.
Therefore, I'll be off the throne, so then will be Penelope.
- Have them retest.
- It still won't matter, because it seems that Robert may or may not be alive as well.
Define may or may not.
I was a bit high, or drunk, or full of a deadly disease.
Take your pick.
I wasn't exactly present enough to know for sure.
So it doesn't matter which of the offspring it is, I'm losing the crown, one way or another.
(Slap) You're going to lie down while they put a legally dead person on your throne? Where's the man I used to love to hate? That man used to preach religiously that there was always another way.
That man wouldn't let doctors' results or Helena or cancer get in the way of what he wanted.
- (Slap) - That man used to take whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and piss in the mouth of anyone who spoke against him.
- (Slap) - That man weaseled his way onto the throne of history's greatest empire.
(Slap) Where the bloody hell is that man? - (Slap) - Right here.
I'm right here, Goddamnit.
Hello, you miserable bastard.
Now, put on your big-girl panties, or a pair of mine, like you always liked to, and show them what a real king looks like.
Can you believe this? Is Robert really sitting in the room down the hall - after all this time? - I can't believe it.
Except that it's true.
It's like right when I think I've wrapped my mind around this, it goes, "What?" I just hope Robby being back will mean an end to all the drama the family's been through this year.
The Henstridges are overdue for a period of no drama.
Amen.
Speaking of which, Liam, I need your advice on Jasper.
I just don't know how, if, when to introduce him to Robert.
It's nerve-racking, not like the other bodyguards.
This is like real, and what if he doesn't like him? And Jasper is not exactly the standard "we met in a bar" story.
Fair enough.
But I know him better now.
He's the one who found out about Ted.
Right! I should lead with that, Liam.
Well, don't force it, Len.
Let it come out naturally.
Yeah, naturally.
Obviously.
Be honest and open with him.
Okay.
After what he's been through, it's what he deserves.
Yeah.
Yes.
Honest and natural.
Thank you.
Great.
(Grunts) There she is.
It's where Dad gave me my first sip of whisky.
Kept a bottle there ever since.
He always joked that we only kept Scotland in the kingdom for their scotch.
Cheers.
For Dad.
Are you okay? I know you've already processed this, but for me, my father just died.
It doesn't get easier.
- (Text alert) - Shit.
Sorry.
So who is she? You were texting in the throne room, during lunch the whole time.
There was a time when part of your game was leaving them a day or two to respond so they'd freak out.
Then you waited till the perfect moment.
Now you're the one freaking out to speak to her.
Who is she? Is it anyone serious? It's nothing.
Just a girl.
If you say so.
Let's take a walk tonight.
Just us.
You can't.
You're supposed to be dead.
Exactly.
And I've only got 12 more hours to be dead.
Meet me after dark.
Let's do it for Dad.
For Dad.
Long to be next to you (Screams) Where's the threat, Your Highness? In your room? James, I'm sorry, no threat.
Why the, er, the sign then? I'm trying to get a hold of Jasper.
He's giving me the silent treatment and not responding to my texts.
- Oh, for shit's sake! - I know.
As impossible as it is to imagine your supremely eloquent emoji texts going unanswered, the palace private cameras are not a messaging service for you two.
But could you tell him though? Oh.
Is there something Liam's security detail - can help you with? - Don't be like that.
I've been trying to apologize about earlier with Robby.
I just wanted to see how the call went.
Oh, I know.
That's so sweet.
I panicked.
I didn't have time to decide how to tell him about us.
But I've thought about it, and I spoke to Liam, and I'll just tell him straight away.
I've got nothing to hide.
Okay.
Well, what do I do? What should I say? Er, well, just be yourself.
I like you, he will too.
- Okay, but which self? - Hm? Well, let's start with what accent should I use? Oh, right.
Um, yeah.
(ROBERT) I thought I heard you in here.
Hello, guvnor! I'm sorry, Your Highness.
That was a really bad joke.
An American joke.
They're all bad.
An American working for the British royal family.
How did you end up here, mate? We scour the world for the best, don't we? Jasper's the one that found out about Dad's murderer.
And yours, it turns out.
Not MI6, not Scotland Yard, this guy.
(Chuckles nervously) Jasper Frost.
My boyfriend.
Mm, I wanted to introduce you because I thought that you should know what's going on.
So it's serious, then? Well Well, does everybody know about you and (American accent) Jasper? Jasper? No.
Not everyone.
Not everyone, no.
I mean, everyone here knows.
Um, Liam really loves him.
And Mum, too.
Well, I'd like to shake the hand of the man who found my father's murderer.
And of course, I have high standards for my only sister, but it's sure a hell of a start.
Once again, inspiration comes from a most unexpected place.
A sincere thank you.
Now to make sure it sticks.
What in the name of the risen Christ? The only way I was ever able to ensure that you'd completely process something was by following it up with a shag to cement it in.
It's no use.
Perhaps a little Southern tickle? (Chuckles) It's not that.
They stole my true love from me and it hasn't worked since.
True love? You? What a crock of shit! You've never loved anyone but yourself.
Dearest lumpy.
(Laughs) So find a way to love yourself again, for all our sakes.
Before it's too late.
Love myself.
(WOMAN) Faster, you schwein, faster.
(Chuckles) Really? So we're just not gonna talk about this? Hm? What's there to talk about? "I have high standards for my sister.
" Look at you, all nervous.
It went incredibly well.
Were we in the same conversation? Robby's always been really protective of me.
Trust me, the fact that you're in the palace, that tells me that it went really great.
- Okay? - Okay.
LYRA: Whitelady Just one more.
(He sighs deeply) What do you think of Jasper? He's good.
Trustworthy.
Great company.
Right.
I've got to say it's still weird for me that not only are you and Len getting on, but you're like close.
I remember refereeing your epic fights across the palace.
We were kids.
Forced to share a birthday.
- When did that change? - When you died.
Do you remember that, um, that three-day stand-off you had over who was taller? Girls grow faster than boys.
(Chuckles) You always took her side, though.
Ah, she's my sis.
She needs someone to look out for her.
Yeah, well, I'm your brother.
This is this is this is a bad idea.
- Why not? - She could die of shock for one.
It's not a thing you just show up on someone's door for.
Nonsense.
I want to tell her in person.
It's not a phone call type of thing.
She deserves better than finding out with the rest of the world at a press conference.
Plus, she's always loved you.
So she'd probably like to see you.
Come on, bruv.
LYRA: Whitelady - K.
- Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Well, no, not quite.
I didn't technically die and come back from the dead, I just didn't die like they thought I did.
And I wanted you to know before anyone else.
I don't feel well.
I get it's a ton to process.
You should get some sleep.
Once you're over the shock, we can catch up.
- Um, sorry.
- Don't worry.
I get it.
It's not every day a zombie leans in to kiss you.
You need time, it's natural.
And I have no expectations.
I just thought I owed you a visit in person.
Thank you.
I can't tell you how good it is to see you again, K.
It's unbelievable.
- It's good to see you, too.
- Definitely.
Likewise.
I'll be back.
We should make that a regular thing.
It was great.
Might not be so easy after tomorrow though.
True.
I guess that's our burden.
Good night.
I missed you, bro.
Me too.
Good night, Robby.
JORDAN RIDDLE: Suffocate This morning feels like a lifetime away.
It was a lifetime away.
Things between me and you progressed so quickly.
Yeah.
I'm just so glad Robert's okay.
Definitely.
- Clearly we can't - Clearly.
- It was crazy to think - Crazy.
(Sighs) - It's the right thing to do.
- I know it is.
- I should go.
- Yeah.
JORDAN RIDDLE: Suffocate Those people tear you down Bye.
Bye.
and push you around The weight on your chest - Makes it hard to breathe - (Laughter) Gasping for air, it's what you need You suffocate Lurking around in the shadows, are we? You won't have to for much longer, old boy.
Tomorrow you'll be invisible.
You suffocate I'm sorry I never called.
The night before you, um, the accident, we had a call scheduled and I didn't call because I was wasted.
And I made this promise with myself that I would never call you when I'm wasted.
And it's been eating me up ever since that day.
I can't say I can remember.
So, absolutely let go of that one, okay? But you seem great now.
I don't know if Dad would agree with you.
The last thing he said to me was how disappointed he was in me.
So It's important, isn't it? The last conversation you have with someone.
Especially our father.
- He was harsh on us.
- Yeah.
But he had a lot of expectation.
As he should have.
- We are the royal family.
- Mm-hm.
Yeah.
But I am so proud of who you have become.
And he would be too.
Your relationship with Mum, with Liam With Jasper.
Do you like him? I love that you're happy.
(Sighs) Let me begin by saying I am unsure how it leaked, but what you're all wondering is, in fact, true.
We've had Liam and Eleanor's DNA retested, and three labs agree, with 100% certainty, that Liam and Eleanor are Simon's children.
(Barrage of questions) So was it a mistake or a lie? Will the liar be prosecuted? Was the leak at the palace or the lab? One at a time, please.
Mr.
Jobson.
Your Majesty, will Liam immediately ascend the throne? There's another part of the story you don't know that will answer that question.
It's best if I simply hand it over to someone else to elaborate.
(Gasps of shock) (Cameras shutters click) Hi.
(Laughter) What stands before you is a story of impossibility.
And who stands before you is a humble man, trying to make sense of that story himself.
But for all of you sat here, and for the more than a few, I presume, watching around the world, I will do my best to make sense of that story.
On the afternoon of a routine training exercise, my Hawk 128 T2 was remotely taken over, under the direction of who we now know to be Ted Pryce, my father's murderer.
Without control of my plane, I was forced to eject at the last minute.
I careened into the water and fell unconscious.
I awoke on the shore of a desert island.
Armed only with a knife, that belonged to my father, a small compass and a single flare I began survival measures.
With my watch's homing beacon damaged, I knew that I couldn't waste that flare on anything but an absolute certainty.
But I leapt at the first opportunity I had to be rescued.
And when I saw that blessed fishing boat turn around well, I could almost taste that cold pint of London Pride on my lips.
(Laughter) Now, I assume you have some questions.
(Barrage of questions) Mr.
Crenshaw.
In the last however many months, did you Ten months, three weeks, four days.
Right.
In the last ten months, three weeks and four days, did you ever lose hope? Good question.
Did I ever lose hope? I can say that when I came to, I was completely stripped of hope.
But the body does an amazing thing when it's pressed against a wall with nowhere to go.
It doesn't take no for an answer.
And every breath that I took from that moment built a new degree of hope.
Until I was completely sure that I would be back home.
Back in the country that I love.
And back with my family.
And back with you lot, asking questions like this.
(Laughter) So, no, I never lost hope.
Patience, on the other hand, well, that's a different story.
Let's just say that I, er painfully mastered patience.
(Barrage of questions) For the Queen.
You must have a million emotions.
Can you describe them for us? Are you worried about King Cyrus? Given his past and path to the throne, are you worried about the transition of power? No.
He and I have spoken.
He knows his time has come and gone.
Hah! Fat chance.
Does this mean I'm being disposed of, right when I've been brought back? Ssh.
You're much prettier when you don't speak.
And no, neither of us are going anywhere.
Go and lie back down.
I'll be over shortly.
Nice to have you back, old friend.
I'm back, bitch.
What about you, Princess Eleanor? How are you feeling? I know you have your doubts You'll turn this inside out I'll be your parachute When you are falling through When all hope's uncertain But who is ever there to see you face your fear? I just couldn't be happier right now.
I feel like everything's lining up exactly like it's supposed to.
(REPORTER) Prince Robert, how much time will it take you to recuperate before getting back into the swing? (ROBERT) None.
I'm home, I'm focused, I'm ready to lead this kingdom.
I've never been in more control.
And now I'm back in my own room .
.
and finally back in my own bed I'm all set.
(FEMALE REPORTER) Prince Liam, is there anything you'd like to add about what you're feeling today? (LIAM) I can try.
Words may fail me.
But consequently, I've been reprocessing feelings attached to loss today.
All of you have felt it.
It's insurmountable when you lose someone you care about.
I'd have given up everything to have my brother back.
Thankfully, I didn't have to.
And after all we went through when we lost Robert, we feel lucky and immensely grateful to have him back with us.
Now let's all take this impossibility as a renewed sense of purpose.
Let's commit to a new era for our kingdom.
And let's all hope to look back on this event's implications as being more epic than we can ever imagine.
Dare I say, we've only just begun.