Thirtysomething (1987) s03e04 Episode Script
New Baby
[theme.]
[Woman.]
Push, push.
[Gary.]
That a girl.
Come on.
Come on, come on, push.
You're crowning now.
We just need to do it one more time.
Really use those muscles.
I need you to really bear down.
I need you to push that baby out.
Push as hard as you can.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
It's like pushing out a bowel movement.
Concentrate now.
Come on now, come on now.
Come on, sweetie.
[Susannah groans.]
What? Do you want to do a C-section? I don't know what to tell you.
[groans.]
Okay, here we go now.
Okay, honey, I want you to take a deep, cleansing breath.
Push down towards me.
Come on, damn you, come on.
[Doctor.]
Can you feel my fingers? Push, push.
You got to help us out, Susannah.
Come on, honey, come on.
Push now.
Come on, come on.
[pan clatters.]
[moans.]
Honey, no, it's okay.
Come on, breathe, breathe.
Breathe.
Can you breathe? Can you breathe? Can you breathe? Isn't this a little too much Pitocin? Dr.
Silverman said 20 units.
Come on, it's almost over.
It's almost over.
Could she have more Demerol? I'm really sorry.
She can't have more yet.
- It's another hour at least.
- This isn't doing anything.
She's still going to have the epidural.
Come on, breathe.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
Come on.
That's it, all right? That's my girl.
Oh, boy.
You want me to close the blinds? I want them to stop this.
Okay, I'll close the blinds, all right? Okay.
You're doing really great.
Is this the real thing? - It's the real thing.
- Wow.
Okay.
Okay, you want any more ice chips, honey? [Susannah groans.]
Oh, no.
She's not getting any rest between contractions.
This is the dosage.
Breathe for me.
Come on.
That's it, that's it.
Keep going.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
You've got to.
Okay, honey, come on.
Can you breathe for me? Come on.
Why did you do this to me? Why are you making me go through this? You can do this.
Please, honey.
Come on.
I hate this.
Go away.
Just go away.
No, look, it's getting You're at the peak.
It's coming down.
Yes.
It's almost over.
Stop looking at the damn monitor.
Let's start with 2.
Let's breathe, let's breathe.
2, 1, breathe.
Breathe.
Do another one.
Breathe.
Let's go to three now.
3, 2, breathe, let go.
Oh, God.
That's it.
You can do it.
That a girl.
How you doing, Susannah? - That a girl.
- My stomach.
You think you're going to be sick? Dizzy? Here you go, just in case.
I feel so - Okay.
- [vomits.]
Feel any better? A little.
- You're so great.
- Yeah? You're really doing great.
No.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
- Gary.
- What? Don't go away again.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Promise? - I promise.
I promise.
- Hi - Melissa, hi.
As you may have guessed, I'm out right now.
If you want to leave a message, fine.
Hey.
I put film in it.
I forgot the film, too.
How's she doing? I didn't want to get her started on Pitocin.
Oh, really? That's rough.
How are the contractions? She's getting through them all right.
Man, now I know why they call it labor.
Yeah.
Has she yelled at you yet for getting her pregnant? - No.
- No? Ah.
Sometimes they do that.
Oh, man, I don't understand this.
Women have been having babies for thousands of years.
You'd think it'd get easier.
Mm, no.
All bets are off.
I mean, here's this person you completely care about, who's going through this experience, and all I can do is just stand there.
I can't There's nothing I can do, and even if there was, I don't think she'd let me.
Help her? Yeah.
I mean You know what's really weird? This doesn't hurt me at all.
Not even this much.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Everybody makes this big deal about us being with them, but we're not with them.
How can we be with them? After she has the kid, is it always going to be like this? Her birth, her baby.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't look like much is happening down there.
I'm going to get you started on Pitocin.
I don't want Pitocin.
Pitocin will make your contractions more efficient.
There's got to be another way.
Well, there isn't.
Susannah, you're only 3 centimeters dilated.
That's nothing.
Nowhere.
And since your water broke, there's only a certain amount of time we can wait, because of the risk of infection.
I can give you an epidural, if the pain gets to be too much.
I do not want a needle in my spine.
Okay, but I'm going to get you started on Pitocin and get you dilated to 10, and then by tonight, you'll have your baby.
Okay? Okay, here we go.
That's it.
Breathe.
That's it.
You're doing just great.
That's it.
Keep going, keep going.
That's it.
- All right.
- [Susannah groans.]
I'll be back in a little while.
[Gary.]
Okay.
That's it, that's it.
[whispers.]
Damn.
It's not the end of the world.
It's not the way I wanted it, either.
They'll get you started on the Pitocin, and it'll help.
How do you know? Are you comfortable? Do you want another pillow or anything? No.
- [Pachelbel's Canon.]
- If I hear Pachelbel's Canon one more time, I'm going to jump out that window.
[music stops.]
[people laugh.]
Hi, I'm Isabelle.
You're going to be stuck with me for a while, so what do you say we check your temperature and do all that fun stuff? Your husband looks like that tennis player.
He's not my husband.
You really shouldn't be flat on your back like that.
Let's get you in another position.
This position's fine.
You might be more comfortable if we moved.
Gary, I can handle this.
I can do this myself.
Why don't you go out and grab a cup of coffee? - I can't leave.
- We'll be okay here.
Go.
Why don't you go? What? Are you sure? Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Come on, out of bed.
Let's try this my way.
Excuse me.
- [Pachelbel's Canon.]
- How was that one? Okay.
Not great.
Okay.
Yeah? This music help at all? Yeah.
I love Pachelbel's Canon.
Go on.
You want anything before we start? Ice chips.
Okay.
Here.
Okay.
All right, South American lemur.
How many letters? Five.
Second one's an E.
I don't know.
Go on.
- Melancholy.
- Dane.
- Very funny.
- Lugubrious.
Seven letters.
I told you these were nylon.
- Shut up.
Seven letters.
- It's too hard.
Okay.
Expression.
- Excruciating.
- What? Mm.
Agonizing.
Tortuous.
Wait, easy.
Thought you said the contractions weren't that bad.
- Stabbing.
- Breathe.
Come on, breathe.
Keep breathing.
That's it.
You want to stop? No.
Okay.
Uh, terra.
Haute.
Sounds like you're having too much fun in here.
How's it going? Oh, fine, except these belts are really uncomfortable.
I know.
You don't see me wearing them.
- How's the pain? - Awful.
You want me to get you something? - No.
- Maybe a little Demerol? No, really, nothing.
All right.
You're probably a little bit more dilated.
I bet this baby makes an appearance before the end of my shift.
- Really? - Yep.
I get a feeling about these things.
You know, your wife is very pretty.
Thank you.
You haven't finished that crossword puzzle yet? - Nope.
- I'll help you out.
I'm good at crosswords.
I'll see you later.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
What did you forget? Nothing.
You forgot something.
Testy.
Ex-academic.
- Hi - Melissa, hi.
As you may have guessed, I'm out right now.
If you want to leave a message, fine.
If you don't, fine.
See you.
[answering machine trills.]
Hi, it's me.
I'm at the hospital.
There's no baby yet.
Listen, I'm just sorry about today, all right? I don't know, things are a little crazy.
I'm supposed to be this pillar of strength.
I guess you're right.
Here I am calling you about something happening to me.
I guess it is a little bit selfish of me to want to share all this with you.
And yeah, I know, this must be hard for you.
But I just really wish you were here.
I need you here.
I'm just really scared, you know? Are you sure about the ABC room? You didn't think you were going to get the ABC room today, did you? This place has been a zoo.
We've already had to double up on a couple labor rooms.
You're not going to double up here, though? No, I don't think so.
I guess I don't really understand.
All they did in the hospital tour is rave about the ABC room.
How can you advertise it if it's not available? - Gary.
- Seems pretty stupid to me.
The doctor will be here in a little while to check you out.
So this is the monitor? Yep, this is it.
See right here? This will show your contractions, and this is the fetal heartbeat.
Wow.
That's pretty amazing.
Yeah.
You'll notice when you have a contraction that the baby's heartbeat will slow down a little bit.
That's okay.
Okay.
Here's your gown.
That's okay.
I brought something to wear.
I'm sorry, but you have to wear the gown.
It's okay.
We brought a shirt.
She's a little more comfortable in this.
This nice shirt? Come on.
You don't want to get this all messed up.
I'll put it right here where you can see it.
How's that? It's fine.
How are the contractions? Okay.
You should try and rest between them while you can.
It's a little impossible.
You should try anyway.
Is there anything you need? - How about some sushi? - Nice try.
You ought to get something to eat.
It's going to be a while.
- Breathe through it.
- Are you okay with this one? Okay.
You got it? - All right? - Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I wonder how long a little while is.
Beats me.
I'm new at this.
- What's this? - Enema devices.
So how you doing? I don't know.
I'm new at this, too.
Well, this will be, what? Another six, eight hours? Eight hours? You should get something to eat.
No, I don't want to leave you.
I'm fine.
Please, eat something.
Tell me what it's like.
You sure? I'm sure.
All right.
Um Okay.
Soothing.
Thanks.
Okay, okay, okay, here we go.
Here we go.
What time was the last contraction? Tell me.
I don't know, I thought you wrote it down.
How could I if you didn't tell me when it ended? What are you doing? What? I'm looking for your plaid shirt.
- It's in the hamper.
- The hamper.
- Why is it in the hamper? - Because it's dirty.
- Why is it dirty? - Because I wore it.
Hurry up.
You're going to have the baby on the dirty clothes.
I'm not going without the plaid shirt.
What? Why? What, what? The shirt.
What are you talking about? - We have to go.
- The hospital gown might be nylon.
The baby's not going to know if it's nylon.
Please put this in the Lamaze bag.
I don't think I should have eaten all those dinner rolls.
- Oh, God.
- What? - The tape player.
- I got it.
- I've got it right here.
- What about the tapes? They're here.
I have the soundtrack to Room with a View and The Greatest Hits of 1726.
Pachelbel's Canon.
You promised.
- It's right here on top.
- And the camera? Would you trust me, please? What? Oh.
Okay, that can't have been more than three minutes.
Here we go.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Easy, easy, all right? Okay, slow.
Slow, slow, slow.
You okay? Slow.
That's it.
Oh.
I got it.
No, I got it.
You okay? Easy.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How's the shower going? Baby make a surprise appearance yet? No, not yet.
I got sent out for a bag of ice.
Susannah's going through one a day.
I just came by to give you her present.
Oh, yeah? So what do you think? What do I think of what? The gift.
Okay, what gift? I couldn't make up my mind, you know? Booties or a car.
You bought a car? How much This is a car.
Yeah, well, I got to thinking, what would a kid need starting off in life, and a car just seemed like the next logical thing.
Oh, I get it.
You already got him or her a car.
No, this is the first.
I hope you didn't have to take out a loan or anything.
Between you and me? 100 bucks.
Look, it's even got painted-on white walls.
Thanks, thanks.
A car? Somebody's got to teach this kid how to drive, since you're such a rotten driver.
I don't know about Susannah, but somebody's got to teach this kid a few things.
Moral ambiguity, knock-knock jokes Just some of the other important things that you and Susannah might not think of.
Not that you're going to be bad parents or anything.
Wow.
Why don't you come upstairs? Nah.
Somebody's got to keep an eye out for car thieves.
Come on, just come up for a minute.
Can't you just be happy with the car, Gary? Look, I just want - You just want for everybody to be best friends again.
- Yes, how do I get that? I don't know.
What, I'm supposed to read your mind now? No, I'm just tired of always trying to explain to you how I feel.
I'm a little tired of it, too.
You always talking about how you feel.
How I feel? Like you have any idea how I feel.
Where were you when I was trying to sort all this out? You didn't even think of me, how hard it might be for me.
That was nine months ago, Melissa.
For nine months, you've been wrapped up in the baby, and hey, you know, that's great.
That's wonderful.
It's a great thing.
But I'm still there, Gary.
I'm still back there, and I was upset, and you couldn't accept that.
I'm not upset about the baby anymore.
I'm upset about you.
[Ethan.]
What do you mean, a shower? Why do they put her in the shower? They don't put her in the shower.
I forgot she's a vegetarian.
I bought this HoneyBaked Ham.
It doesn't matter.
I made enough deviled eggs to last two or three years.
You're not supposed to eat that.
This is great.
We ought to do this baby thing more often.
- How's Susannah? - Cranky.
Crankier.
You sure this was a good idea? Yeah, it's great.
We're just waiting for contractions, anyway.
These are great.
[overlapping chatter.]
No ham.
[chatter.]
Hey, is she coming? Where is she? Oh.
Hi.
[all.]
Hi.
You look great.
Right.
I haven't seen my feet for a month.
You have to put my shoes on with butter.
Try margarine.
It's less caloric.
So, how do you feel? Okay.
Contractions come and go, but I'm okay.
We shouldn't be here.
We should let you go off into the bushes until the baby's born.
At this rate, it'll be 1992.
I think we should open the presents really fast.
[chatter.]
Bye, girls.
[all.]
Bye.
Go, leave.
- Bye.
- Have a nice day.
- Get out of here.
- Bye.
Ah, here we go.
She wrapped it.
Ethan I know, you can help.
Help her undo it.
Ethan hid the Scotch tape.
You understand.
[chatter.]
See, it's black and white because newborns can't distinguish color.
Really? Oh, yes, they can.
No, they can't.
They can see shapes and sizes.
Penelope Leach says they can't see, you know I just read this article in the New Yorker This is my present.
I get really confused when I go into children's stores because you know all those sizes They go up to 12, and then they start all over again.
What is that all about? I love baby clothes.
They're so tiny, just like doll's clothes.
Yeah, except ten times as expensive.
At least you can reuse yours.
Are you kidding? Brittany wouldn't wear any of Ethan's clothes.
Here.
Oh, goodie, the big present.
Is this from you, Rose? Yeah.
For him or her or whatever.
What is it? Oh.
Wow, a swing.
This is great.
It will really save your life.
Brittany practically lived in hers.
It would knock her right out.
- Do you remember this? - I want one of these for me.
Did you do that with Ethan? I tried it.
I borrowed it.
But it didn't work.
- Nothing worked with Ethan.
- Is that true, Ethan? Nancy got about four hours' sleep the first six months of Ethan's life.
[Nancy.]
That's true, that's true.
[Woman.]
Wild boy? [laughter.]
No, it's okay.
I suppose your labor was a piece of cake.
Oh, yeah.
I rolled over in bed and looked down, and there was Janey.
You're willing to go through it all again.
That's noble.
They say the brain can't really remember pain.
Do you remember the pain? Yes.
Episiotomy.
Throwing up.
I didn't throw up.
Did you have an episiotomy? I don't really remember the episiotomy.
Oh, I forgot my purse.
But you feel it afterward, and it's, like I don't know.
There's so much other stuff going on.
I really wouldn't worry about it.
Right.
I'll be too busy being in pain.
No.
You just try your breathing, and then you give up and ask for major drugs.
Are you okay? Like now.
Are you all right? Mm.
I mean, I don't know anything.
Breast feeding, what is that? How do you know when the baby has enough milk? When the baby cries, how do you know what to do? Basically, you don't.
You just hold her and keep her warm and smell her head.
Have you talked to anybody about this? You must have friends who've had babies.
I have 15-year-old unwed mothers from Ray Street.
They're great with advice.
I hate to say this, but you will figure all of this out.
And the best part is that you enjoy figuring it out.
Well, not all the time.
But you know, there's this moment when your baby cries, and you pick her up, and she's just all smiles, and she makes these great sounds.
It's magic.
Really? People always prepare you for how awful it is.
The thing nobody warned you about is how much you love the baby.
I think I'm going to keep walking.
- Oh, okay.
I'll take the cake.
- No.
I can do it.
Really.
Put it on top.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's not supposed to happen like this, is it? It'll be okay.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
She hasn't had a contraction for, like, two hours.
She'll have another one.
Then she'll have another one.
Pretty soon, you'll be teaching her how to shave.
Wow.
We're going to have a baby.
That's really weird.
That's really weird.
I can't deal with this right now.
Ah, okay.
What? It's just I mean, I don't know anything.
I don't know anything.
What time am I supposed to wake up in the morning? How do I know when I'm supposed to change his diaper? You don't change diapers now.
They're so absorbent, they wear the same one until they're 10.
Shut up.
You know, like vomiting Projectile vomiting.
I've been reading about this vomiting, and reading all these books.
I've got all these books here.
Do I have enough books? Do I have enough? Just leaf through them to see how advanced the kid is.
What if he wakes up in the middle of the night crying In the middle of the night, he's crying, and he won't stop? He'll stop.
And what if he doesn't like me? Oh.
He'll love you.
That's the amazing thing unconditional love.
They're too little to judge you, and they're too stupid.
That's why they get screwed up later.
Sounds like the way my father raised me.
Hey, you're the new generation.
Erase the slate.
You get to start all over.
Yeah? What if he can't play basketball? What if she's the first woman to play in the NBA? She'd be tall.
I can't believe this.
Would you rather stay at the hospital? - Of course not.
- A lot of doctors would have made you stay.
It was just so stupid.
Everyone was in the maternity ward.
Oh, God.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
You should get some sleep.
We both should get some rest.
Maybe if I took sleeping pills.
Here, let me help.
The doctor said wine.
You could have some wine.
You should sit down and put your feet up.
Come on.
Sit.
Relax.
Sit.
Are you - I'll get the chart.
- The what? The labor chart.
I'll time the contractions.
I'll write everything down.
- It'll make it easier.
- For who? We're supposed to do it.
She said so in Lamaze.
Fine.
You want busy work.
What's that supposed to mean? Gary, excuse me.
I have a little more to deal with than a labor chart.
Right, and that's what I'm trying to help you with.
Fine.
You want to have my contractions for me? Yes, if that's what it takes for you to let me in a little bit.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
This is hard.
This is very hard.
It's harder for me.
You're just having a baby.
You'll notice that the birthing bed is the same as in the rest of our labor rooms, but the atmosphere here is so much more relaxed.
It's soothing, so you'll feel comfortable, like you're at home.
Is there any way you can reserve the ABC room in advance? I'm afraid that since there's only one, its availability is pretty much first come, first served.
Where are the monitors and all the equipment? They're right here in the cupboard, so you can deliver your baby and spend your recovery time all in the same room.
Unless, of course, there are complications.
I hate this.
What, the tour guide? She's driving me nuts.
No.
All this hiding the monitors in the cupboards, pretending they're at home Who do they think they're fooling? Did you have a question? Uh, no, we're fine.
Thanks.
Excuse me, what about parking? There's a lot right across the street.
So, what do you say we all go look at the nursery, huh? Visiting hours for non-family members are between 1:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon, and 7:00 and 8:00 at night.
Then the baby will have to go back to the nursery, and that's to protect the baby from infection.
Come on, look at the little darlings.
Aren't they sweet? Wow, look at this.
All these babies born on the same day.
Susannah.
Okay, everybody, come.
- I'll show you where you can - Look at this one.
He looks like Larry "Bud" Melman.
Susannah? Hey.
What's the matter? My water broke.
So what's going on in there? You've decided to stop kicking my ribs.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Keeping a big secret from me? New girl? New boy? Or maybe Have you seen The Fly? Never mind.
Knock once if you're a boy.
Well? I couldn't tell.
That can't be good for your teeth.
We need to practice.
[imitates panting.]
No, we really should practice.
I know.
- So the mean old doctors won't yell at you.
- Stop it.
So they won't use their instruments of torture to come after you with tongs - and inflict pain.
- Leave me alone.
I'm allowed to my own paranoia.
I know they have their secret C-section quotas and enema devices.
Why are you so afraid of doctors? Karen Silverman is just a kid, like us.
- Younger.
- I just am.
What? Braxton Hicks? Hiccups.
Oh.
Want me to get you some water? Not me.
Wow.
Oh.
Maybe you should hold your breath.
I don't think so.
Boo.
Gary.
I know what'll really scare it.
No.
I'll be careful.
Gary, no.
What? What's wrong? I'm just afraid it'll bring on labor.
I think I mean, isn't that what we want? Not yet.
I haven't even seen the hospital.
So the day after tomorrow, you can go into labor.
Okay.
I can't believe I waited until the last minute.
I can't believe you're giving her a shower.
Ooh, purple hair.
Can I do purple hair? Rosie said her place is too small.
What an excuse.
Oh.
And your house is probably not big enough to hold all her friends.
Ellyn.
Why don't pens write upside down? [Janey babbles.]
Where's the gold crayon? We always lose that gold crayon, don't we? Here.
So you going to have party games and stuff? - That's nice, Ellyn.
- Oh! - Hi.
- You could get a showing.
I know.
I am rather proud of it myself.
What's going on? Nothing, nothing.
What's this? A baby shower? - Let me guess.
- I didn't know if I should send you one.
Go ahead, send me one.
- Why? Would you come? - No.
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's probably weird for you.
Nah, it's not weird.
I don't know.
It's like Waiting for this baby to be born, it's like Pebbles or Little Ricky or something.
Who needs it? You guys probably are getting really nice gifts.
I'm going to spend at least $2,000.
Yes, I was going to give her child a college education.
You're going to have to see this baby sometime.
Well, maybe when he's grown up, I can date him.
- Or Janey can date him.
- Over my dead body.
Why don't you just swing by the shower and throw a gift at the door? Yeah, maybe.
- Protein.
- There's protein in here.
Not any protein in there.
Right here, protein.
1 gram.
1 gram? What's the point of being a vegetarian if you eat all this junk? Makes up for tofu.
Meet you in the produce.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I had this shoot down this way and had this craving for broccoli.
I guess you know all about cravings.
Yeah, yeah.
How's that baby thing coming along? Ready to pop yet? Almost.
Two weeks.
How are you? - Oh, I'm great.
- Yeah? Oh, did you get the invitation? Invitation? Yeah.
Hope's throwing a shower.
I hope she gets the invitations out.
Oh, well, I haven't checked my mailbox yet.
You'll be there, won't you? What, you afraid I'm going to stiff you on the gift? No.
I don't care about the gift.
There'll be food, games, pony rides.
Oh, Gary, I really don't think so.
What? Never mind.
I got to go.
Why? You tell me.
Melissa God, I mean Can't we just go back? You know, start over again.
Tell me, what can I do? I can't tell you.
Why? I mean, just Anything you want.
Anything you want me to say? Just tell me.
Help me out here, Melissa.
There's a lot of calcium.
Enough calcium for a week.
Melissa, hi, how are you? Fine, actually.
Just looking for broccoli.
I could tell you it's not as bad as it looks, - but I'd be lying.
- [group laughs.]
In transition, the cervix is opening those last few centimeters.
It is definitely the most painful time, but it also means you're in the final stretch.
The population would have died out years ago if it was all that bad.
Let's practice the breathing transition technique again.
Get into position.
Remember, it's just a simulation to give you an idea of how you're going to have to breathe.
Okay, ready? Coaches, ready? Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Deep, cleansing breath.
Inhale in through the nose.
Exhale.
Relax.
Focus.
We're at the point of the contraction.
And [breathes.]
Again.
[breathes.]
Again.
[breathes.]
Good, good.
15 seconds, and 3s.
[breathes.]
30 seconds.
We're at the peak at the contraction, and blow.
[exhales.]
That's it.
Blow.
No, really, I'm fine.
Sh, you're doing fine.
Just breathe.
Breathe.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Will you let me do this at my own speed? Slow down, slow down.
That's it, that's it.
Slow down, slow down.
Shorter breaths.
Shorter breaths.
- That's it.
That's great.
- Back to 4s.
That's 4s.
Good.
60 seconds, inhale through the nose, and exhale.
Relax.
Okay.
Anybody pass out? I know I almost did.
It's really hard to concentrate.
Yeah, that's why you have to remember visualization.
But it's still so hard.
Right.
That's why we have to rely on our coaches.
And practice, all right? Let's take a five minute bathroom break, and we'll try it again, okay? [chatter.]
You want to try again? - It's okay.
- We can practice one more time, right now.
Come on, I got my watch.
Let's do it.
Let's try it one more time.
- No, I don't want to.
- Oh, come on.
You heard what she said.
You have to trust me.
I'm your coach.
Yeah, and I'm the one having the baby.
I'm sorry.
You know what I mean.
Sure.
It's just There's too much to absorb.
I'm not going to be able to do the breathing.
- Yes, you will.
- No, I won't.
I'll get to the hospital and everything will go out of my head.
Then they'll try to give me all kinds of drugs.
You don't have to take anything you don't want to.
And I'll probably throw up.
Oh, God.
Suppose I throw up? - I'll be there.
- Yeah, right Laughing.
Nope, not laughing.
Gary Suppose Suppose it doesn't work? I don't know.
I can't believe I'm in a Lamaze class.
I can't believe I look like all these other fat women.
What are we doing? I just I don't know.
What? I don't know if I can do it.
Come on now, I want you to take a deep, cleansing breath.
Push, push.
Come on, you can do it.
You got to help us out, Susannah.
Push, push now.
Push.
[pan clatters.]
All right, honey, here we go.
Here we go.
We can do this.
We can do this.
You can't quit now.
You cannot quit.
You can't quit.
If you don't push, who's going to read all those crazy Dr.
Seuss books we bought? Huh? Who's going to read those Dr.
Seuss books? That's what this baby's saying.
He's saying, "I want to read Dr.
Seuss.
"I want to watch MTV.
"I want to meet my dad.
"I want to meet my mom.
" You know? "I want to meet my mom.
" "I want to meet my mom.
" Honey? "I want to meet my mom.
" Come on, honey.
[cries.]
I can't.
It's okay, honey.
Come on.
Poor thing.
She's completely exhausted.
Okay.
It's going to be all right.
Let's get her ready and take her down the hall, all right? No.
Oh.
No.
Okay.
No.
Oh.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, honey.
This is the Himalayas of contractions.
This is the Himalayas.
I got my money on this one.
I got Oh, it's the Himalayas.
It's Mount Everest.
I see the Matterhorn.
Come on, honey.
Good, good.
- Okay, here we go.
- [baby wails.]
- That's it.
Here we go.
You call that a curl? That's it? Come on.
Here we go.
- Here it comes.
- That's it.
That's it.
Here he is.
Oh, great job.
You have a beautiful little girl here.
Oh, wow.
She's so little.
- Okay, let's get her cleaned up.
- She's so little.
Oh, wow.
[Man.]
Okay, let's go down this way.
Oh, okay.
Actually, none of them is mine.
Melissa, I'm really sorry.
You want to see her? What? Now? Yeah.
I don't think so.
Oh, come on.
No, it's late.
I shouldn't be here.
It's okay.
I can come back tomorrow.
I would prefer that, if I came back tomorrow.
I don't have a proper present.
Oh.
Hey.
Watch her head.
Okay.
There.
Here.
Oh.
Easy, girl.
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon
[Woman.]
Push, push.
[Gary.]
That a girl.
Come on.
Come on, come on, push.
You're crowning now.
We just need to do it one more time.
Really use those muscles.
I need you to really bear down.
I need you to push that baby out.
Push as hard as you can.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
It's like pushing out a bowel movement.
Concentrate now.
Come on now, come on now.
Come on, sweetie.
[Susannah groans.]
What? Do you want to do a C-section? I don't know what to tell you.
[groans.]
Okay, here we go now.
Okay, honey, I want you to take a deep, cleansing breath.
Push down towards me.
Come on, damn you, come on.
[Doctor.]
Can you feel my fingers? Push, push.
You got to help us out, Susannah.
Come on, honey, come on.
Push now.
Come on, come on.
[pan clatters.]
[moans.]
Honey, no, it's okay.
Come on, breathe, breathe.
Breathe.
Can you breathe? Can you breathe? Can you breathe? Isn't this a little too much Pitocin? Dr.
Silverman said 20 units.
Come on, it's almost over.
It's almost over.
Could she have more Demerol? I'm really sorry.
She can't have more yet.
- It's another hour at least.
- This isn't doing anything.
She's still going to have the epidural.
Come on, breathe.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
Come on.
That's it, all right? That's my girl.
Oh, boy.
You want me to close the blinds? I want them to stop this.
Okay, I'll close the blinds, all right? Okay.
You're doing really great.
Is this the real thing? - It's the real thing.
- Wow.
Okay.
Okay, you want any more ice chips, honey? [Susannah groans.]
Oh, no.
She's not getting any rest between contractions.
This is the dosage.
Breathe for me.
Come on.
That's it, that's it.
Keep going.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
You've got to.
Okay, honey, come on.
Can you breathe for me? Come on.
Why did you do this to me? Why are you making me go through this? You can do this.
Please, honey.
Come on.
I hate this.
Go away.
Just go away.
No, look, it's getting You're at the peak.
It's coming down.
Yes.
It's almost over.
Stop looking at the damn monitor.
Let's start with 2.
Let's breathe, let's breathe.
2, 1, breathe.
Breathe.
Do another one.
Breathe.
Let's go to three now.
3, 2, breathe, let go.
Oh, God.
That's it.
You can do it.
That a girl.
How you doing, Susannah? - That a girl.
- My stomach.
You think you're going to be sick? Dizzy? Here you go, just in case.
I feel so - Okay.
- [vomits.]
Feel any better? A little.
- You're so great.
- Yeah? You're really doing great.
No.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
- Gary.
- What? Don't go away again.
I'm not going anywhere.
- Promise? - I promise.
I promise.
- Hi - Melissa, hi.
As you may have guessed, I'm out right now.
If you want to leave a message, fine.
Hey.
I put film in it.
I forgot the film, too.
How's she doing? I didn't want to get her started on Pitocin.
Oh, really? That's rough.
How are the contractions? She's getting through them all right.
Man, now I know why they call it labor.
Yeah.
Has she yelled at you yet for getting her pregnant? - No.
- No? Ah.
Sometimes they do that.
Oh, man, I don't understand this.
Women have been having babies for thousands of years.
You'd think it'd get easier.
Mm, no.
All bets are off.
I mean, here's this person you completely care about, who's going through this experience, and all I can do is just stand there.
I can't There's nothing I can do, and even if there was, I don't think she'd let me.
Help her? Yeah.
I mean You know what's really weird? This doesn't hurt me at all.
Not even this much.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Everybody makes this big deal about us being with them, but we're not with them.
How can we be with them? After she has the kid, is it always going to be like this? Her birth, her baby.
Yeah.
Well, it doesn't look like much is happening down there.
I'm going to get you started on Pitocin.
I don't want Pitocin.
Pitocin will make your contractions more efficient.
There's got to be another way.
Well, there isn't.
Susannah, you're only 3 centimeters dilated.
That's nothing.
Nowhere.
And since your water broke, there's only a certain amount of time we can wait, because of the risk of infection.
I can give you an epidural, if the pain gets to be too much.
I do not want a needle in my spine.
Okay, but I'm going to get you started on Pitocin and get you dilated to 10, and then by tonight, you'll have your baby.
Okay? Okay, here we go.
That's it.
Breathe.
That's it.
You're doing just great.
That's it.
Keep going, keep going.
That's it.
- All right.
- [Susannah groans.]
I'll be back in a little while.
[Gary.]
Okay.
That's it, that's it.
[whispers.]
Damn.
It's not the end of the world.
It's not the way I wanted it, either.
They'll get you started on the Pitocin, and it'll help.
How do you know? Are you comfortable? Do you want another pillow or anything? No.
- [Pachelbel's Canon.]
- If I hear Pachelbel's Canon one more time, I'm going to jump out that window.
[music stops.]
[people laugh.]
Hi, I'm Isabelle.
You're going to be stuck with me for a while, so what do you say we check your temperature and do all that fun stuff? Your husband looks like that tennis player.
He's not my husband.
You really shouldn't be flat on your back like that.
Let's get you in another position.
This position's fine.
You might be more comfortable if we moved.
Gary, I can handle this.
I can do this myself.
Why don't you go out and grab a cup of coffee? - I can't leave.
- We'll be okay here.
Go.
Why don't you go? What? Are you sure? Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Come on, out of bed.
Let's try this my way.
Excuse me.
- [Pachelbel's Canon.]
- How was that one? Okay.
Not great.
Okay.
Yeah? This music help at all? Yeah.
I love Pachelbel's Canon.
Go on.
You want anything before we start? Ice chips.
Okay.
Here.
Okay.
All right, South American lemur.
How many letters? Five.
Second one's an E.
I don't know.
Go on.
- Melancholy.
- Dane.
- Very funny.
- Lugubrious.
Seven letters.
I told you these were nylon.
- Shut up.
Seven letters.
- It's too hard.
Okay.
Expression.
- Excruciating.
- What? Mm.
Agonizing.
Tortuous.
Wait, easy.
Thought you said the contractions weren't that bad.
- Stabbing.
- Breathe.
Come on, breathe.
Keep breathing.
That's it.
You want to stop? No.
Okay.
Uh, terra.
Haute.
Sounds like you're having too much fun in here.
How's it going? Oh, fine, except these belts are really uncomfortable.
I know.
You don't see me wearing them.
- How's the pain? - Awful.
You want me to get you something? - No.
- Maybe a little Demerol? No, really, nothing.
All right.
You're probably a little bit more dilated.
I bet this baby makes an appearance before the end of my shift.
- Really? - Yep.
I get a feeling about these things.
You know, your wife is very pretty.
Thank you.
You haven't finished that crossword puzzle yet? - Nope.
- I'll help you out.
I'm good at crosswords.
I'll see you later.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
What did you forget? Nothing.
You forgot something.
Testy.
Ex-academic.
- Hi - Melissa, hi.
As you may have guessed, I'm out right now.
If you want to leave a message, fine.
If you don't, fine.
See you.
[answering machine trills.]
Hi, it's me.
I'm at the hospital.
There's no baby yet.
Listen, I'm just sorry about today, all right? I don't know, things are a little crazy.
I'm supposed to be this pillar of strength.
I guess you're right.
Here I am calling you about something happening to me.
I guess it is a little bit selfish of me to want to share all this with you.
And yeah, I know, this must be hard for you.
But I just really wish you were here.
I need you here.
I'm just really scared, you know? Are you sure about the ABC room? You didn't think you were going to get the ABC room today, did you? This place has been a zoo.
We've already had to double up on a couple labor rooms.
You're not going to double up here, though? No, I don't think so.
I guess I don't really understand.
All they did in the hospital tour is rave about the ABC room.
How can you advertise it if it's not available? - Gary.
- Seems pretty stupid to me.
The doctor will be here in a little while to check you out.
So this is the monitor? Yep, this is it.
See right here? This will show your contractions, and this is the fetal heartbeat.
Wow.
That's pretty amazing.
Yeah.
You'll notice when you have a contraction that the baby's heartbeat will slow down a little bit.
That's okay.
Okay.
Here's your gown.
That's okay.
I brought something to wear.
I'm sorry, but you have to wear the gown.
It's okay.
We brought a shirt.
She's a little more comfortable in this.
This nice shirt? Come on.
You don't want to get this all messed up.
I'll put it right here where you can see it.
How's that? It's fine.
How are the contractions? Okay.
You should try and rest between them while you can.
It's a little impossible.
You should try anyway.
Is there anything you need? - How about some sushi? - Nice try.
You ought to get something to eat.
It's going to be a while.
- Breathe through it.
- Are you okay with this one? Okay.
You got it? - All right? - Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
I wonder how long a little while is.
Beats me.
I'm new at this.
- What's this? - Enema devices.
So how you doing? I don't know.
I'm new at this, too.
Well, this will be, what? Another six, eight hours? Eight hours? You should get something to eat.
No, I don't want to leave you.
I'm fine.
Please, eat something.
Tell me what it's like.
You sure? I'm sure.
All right.
Um Okay.
Soothing.
Thanks.
Okay, okay, okay, here we go.
Here we go.
What time was the last contraction? Tell me.
I don't know, I thought you wrote it down.
How could I if you didn't tell me when it ended? What are you doing? What? I'm looking for your plaid shirt.
- It's in the hamper.
- The hamper.
- Why is it in the hamper? - Because it's dirty.
- Why is it dirty? - Because I wore it.
Hurry up.
You're going to have the baby on the dirty clothes.
I'm not going without the plaid shirt.
What? Why? What, what? The shirt.
What are you talking about? - We have to go.
- The hospital gown might be nylon.
The baby's not going to know if it's nylon.
Please put this in the Lamaze bag.
I don't think I should have eaten all those dinner rolls.
- Oh, God.
- What? - The tape player.
- I got it.
- I've got it right here.
- What about the tapes? They're here.
I have the soundtrack to Room with a View and The Greatest Hits of 1726.
Pachelbel's Canon.
You promised.
- It's right here on top.
- And the camera? Would you trust me, please? What? Oh.
Okay, that can't have been more than three minutes.
Here we go.
Okay, okay, here we go.
Easy, easy, all right? Okay, slow.
Slow, slow, slow.
You okay? Slow.
That's it.
Oh.
I got it.
No, I got it.
You okay? Easy.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
How's the shower going? Baby make a surprise appearance yet? No, not yet.
I got sent out for a bag of ice.
Susannah's going through one a day.
I just came by to give you her present.
Oh, yeah? So what do you think? What do I think of what? The gift.
Okay, what gift? I couldn't make up my mind, you know? Booties or a car.
You bought a car? How much This is a car.
Yeah, well, I got to thinking, what would a kid need starting off in life, and a car just seemed like the next logical thing.
Oh, I get it.
You already got him or her a car.
No, this is the first.
I hope you didn't have to take out a loan or anything.
Between you and me? 100 bucks.
Look, it's even got painted-on white walls.
Thanks, thanks.
A car? Somebody's got to teach this kid how to drive, since you're such a rotten driver.
I don't know about Susannah, but somebody's got to teach this kid a few things.
Moral ambiguity, knock-knock jokes Just some of the other important things that you and Susannah might not think of.
Not that you're going to be bad parents or anything.
Wow.
Why don't you come upstairs? Nah.
Somebody's got to keep an eye out for car thieves.
Come on, just come up for a minute.
Can't you just be happy with the car, Gary? Look, I just want - You just want for everybody to be best friends again.
- Yes, how do I get that? I don't know.
What, I'm supposed to read your mind now? No, I'm just tired of always trying to explain to you how I feel.
I'm a little tired of it, too.
You always talking about how you feel.
How I feel? Like you have any idea how I feel.
Where were you when I was trying to sort all this out? You didn't even think of me, how hard it might be for me.
That was nine months ago, Melissa.
For nine months, you've been wrapped up in the baby, and hey, you know, that's great.
That's wonderful.
It's a great thing.
But I'm still there, Gary.
I'm still back there, and I was upset, and you couldn't accept that.
I'm not upset about the baby anymore.
I'm upset about you.
[Ethan.]
What do you mean, a shower? Why do they put her in the shower? They don't put her in the shower.
I forgot she's a vegetarian.
I bought this HoneyBaked Ham.
It doesn't matter.
I made enough deviled eggs to last two or three years.
You're not supposed to eat that.
This is great.
We ought to do this baby thing more often.
- How's Susannah? - Cranky.
Crankier.
You sure this was a good idea? Yeah, it's great.
We're just waiting for contractions, anyway.
These are great.
[overlapping chatter.]
No ham.
[chatter.]
Hey, is she coming? Where is she? Oh.
Hi.
[all.]
Hi.
You look great.
Right.
I haven't seen my feet for a month.
You have to put my shoes on with butter.
Try margarine.
It's less caloric.
So, how do you feel? Okay.
Contractions come and go, but I'm okay.
We shouldn't be here.
We should let you go off into the bushes until the baby's born.
At this rate, it'll be 1992.
I think we should open the presents really fast.
[chatter.]
Bye, girls.
[all.]
Bye.
Go, leave.
- Bye.
- Have a nice day.
- Get out of here.
- Bye.
Ah, here we go.
She wrapped it.
Ethan I know, you can help.
Help her undo it.
Ethan hid the Scotch tape.
You understand.
[chatter.]
See, it's black and white because newborns can't distinguish color.
Really? Oh, yes, they can.
No, they can't.
They can see shapes and sizes.
Penelope Leach says they can't see, you know I just read this article in the New Yorker This is my present.
I get really confused when I go into children's stores because you know all those sizes They go up to 12, and then they start all over again.
What is that all about? I love baby clothes.
They're so tiny, just like doll's clothes.
Yeah, except ten times as expensive.
At least you can reuse yours.
Are you kidding? Brittany wouldn't wear any of Ethan's clothes.
Here.
Oh, goodie, the big present.
Is this from you, Rose? Yeah.
For him or her or whatever.
What is it? Oh.
Wow, a swing.
This is great.
It will really save your life.
Brittany practically lived in hers.
It would knock her right out.
- Do you remember this? - I want one of these for me.
Did you do that with Ethan? I tried it.
I borrowed it.
But it didn't work.
- Nothing worked with Ethan.
- Is that true, Ethan? Nancy got about four hours' sleep the first six months of Ethan's life.
[Nancy.]
That's true, that's true.
[Woman.]
Wild boy? [laughter.]
No, it's okay.
I suppose your labor was a piece of cake.
Oh, yeah.
I rolled over in bed and looked down, and there was Janey.
You're willing to go through it all again.
That's noble.
They say the brain can't really remember pain.
Do you remember the pain? Yes.
Episiotomy.
Throwing up.
I didn't throw up.
Did you have an episiotomy? I don't really remember the episiotomy.
Oh, I forgot my purse.
But you feel it afterward, and it's, like I don't know.
There's so much other stuff going on.
I really wouldn't worry about it.
Right.
I'll be too busy being in pain.
No.
You just try your breathing, and then you give up and ask for major drugs.
Are you okay? Like now.
Are you all right? Mm.
I mean, I don't know anything.
Breast feeding, what is that? How do you know when the baby has enough milk? When the baby cries, how do you know what to do? Basically, you don't.
You just hold her and keep her warm and smell her head.
Have you talked to anybody about this? You must have friends who've had babies.
I have 15-year-old unwed mothers from Ray Street.
They're great with advice.
I hate to say this, but you will figure all of this out.
And the best part is that you enjoy figuring it out.
Well, not all the time.
But you know, there's this moment when your baby cries, and you pick her up, and she's just all smiles, and she makes these great sounds.
It's magic.
Really? People always prepare you for how awful it is.
The thing nobody warned you about is how much you love the baby.
I think I'm going to keep walking.
- Oh, okay.
I'll take the cake.
- No.
I can do it.
Really.
Put it on top.
Okay.
Yeah.
It's not supposed to happen like this, is it? It'll be okay.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
She hasn't had a contraction for, like, two hours.
She'll have another one.
Then she'll have another one.
Pretty soon, you'll be teaching her how to shave.
Wow.
We're going to have a baby.
That's really weird.
That's really weird.
I can't deal with this right now.
Ah, okay.
What? It's just I mean, I don't know anything.
I don't know anything.
What time am I supposed to wake up in the morning? How do I know when I'm supposed to change his diaper? You don't change diapers now.
They're so absorbent, they wear the same one until they're 10.
Shut up.
You know, like vomiting Projectile vomiting.
I've been reading about this vomiting, and reading all these books.
I've got all these books here.
Do I have enough books? Do I have enough? Just leaf through them to see how advanced the kid is.
What if he wakes up in the middle of the night crying In the middle of the night, he's crying, and he won't stop? He'll stop.
And what if he doesn't like me? Oh.
He'll love you.
That's the amazing thing unconditional love.
They're too little to judge you, and they're too stupid.
That's why they get screwed up later.
Sounds like the way my father raised me.
Hey, you're the new generation.
Erase the slate.
You get to start all over.
Yeah? What if he can't play basketball? What if she's the first woman to play in the NBA? She'd be tall.
I can't believe this.
Would you rather stay at the hospital? - Of course not.
- A lot of doctors would have made you stay.
It was just so stupid.
Everyone was in the maternity ward.
Oh, God.
- Where are you going? - I don't know.
You should get some sleep.
We both should get some rest.
Maybe if I took sleeping pills.
Here, let me help.
The doctor said wine.
You could have some wine.
You should sit down and put your feet up.
Come on.
Sit.
Relax.
Sit.
Are you - I'll get the chart.
- The what? The labor chart.
I'll time the contractions.
I'll write everything down.
- It'll make it easier.
- For who? We're supposed to do it.
She said so in Lamaze.
Fine.
You want busy work.
What's that supposed to mean? Gary, excuse me.
I have a little more to deal with than a labor chart.
Right, and that's what I'm trying to help you with.
Fine.
You want to have my contractions for me? Yes, if that's what it takes for you to let me in a little bit.
Sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
This is hard.
This is very hard.
It's harder for me.
You're just having a baby.
You'll notice that the birthing bed is the same as in the rest of our labor rooms, but the atmosphere here is so much more relaxed.
It's soothing, so you'll feel comfortable, like you're at home.
Is there any way you can reserve the ABC room in advance? I'm afraid that since there's only one, its availability is pretty much first come, first served.
Where are the monitors and all the equipment? They're right here in the cupboard, so you can deliver your baby and spend your recovery time all in the same room.
Unless, of course, there are complications.
I hate this.
What, the tour guide? She's driving me nuts.
No.
All this hiding the monitors in the cupboards, pretending they're at home Who do they think they're fooling? Did you have a question? Uh, no, we're fine.
Thanks.
Excuse me, what about parking? There's a lot right across the street.
So, what do you say we all go look at the nursery, huh? Visiting hours for non-family members are between 1:00 and 2:00 in the afternoon, and 7:00 and 8:00 at night.
Then the baby will have to go back to the nursery, and that's to protect the baby from infection.
Come on, look at the little darlings.
Aren't they sweet? Wow, look at this.
All these babies born on the same day.
Susannah.
Okay, everybody, come.
- I'll show you where you can - Look at this one.
He looks like Larry "Bud" Melman.
Susannah? Hey.
What's the matter? My water broke.
So what's going on in there? You've decided to stop kicking my ribs.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Keeping a big secret from me? New girl? New boy? Or maybe Have you seen The Fly? Never mind.
Knock once if you're a boy.
Well? I couldn't tell.
That can't be good for your teeth.
We need to practice.
[imitates panting.]
No, we really should practice.
I know.
- So the mean old doctors won't yell at you.
- Stop it.
So they won't use their instruments of torture to come after you with tongs - and inflict pain.
- Leave me alone.
I'm allowed to my own paranoia.
I know they have their secret C-section quotas and enema devices.
Why are you so afraid of doctors? Karen Silverman is just a kid, like us.
- Younger.
- I just am.
What? Braxton Hicks? Hiccups.
Oh.
Want me to get you some water? Not me.
Wow.
Oh.
Maybe you should hold your breath.
I don't think so.
Boo.
Gary.
I know what'll really scare it.
No.
I'll be careful.
Gary, no.
What? What's wrong? I'm just afraid it'll bring on labor.
I think I mean, isn't that what we want? Not yet.
I haven't even seen the hospital.
So the day after tomorrow, you can go into labor.
Okay.
I can't believe I waited until the last minute.
I can't believe you're giving her a shower.
Ooh, purple hair.
Can I do purple hair? Rosie said her place is too small.
What an excuse.
Oh.
And your house is probably not big enough to hold all her friends.
Ellyn.
Why don't pens write upside down? [Janey babbles.]
Where's the gold crayon? We always lose that gold crayon, don't we? Here.
So you going to have party games and stuff? - That's nice, Ellyn.
- Oh! - Hi.
- You could get a showing.
I know.
I am rather proud of it myself.
What's going on? Nothing, nothing.
What's this? A baby shower? - Let me guess.
- I didn't know if I should send you one.
Go ahead, send me one.
- Why? Would you come? - No.
Maybe.
I don't know.
It's probably weird for you.
Nah, it's not weird.
I don't know.
It's like Waiting for this baby to be born, it's like Pebbles or Little Ricky or something.
Who needs it? You guys probably are getting really nice gifts.
I'm going to spend at least $2,000.
Yes, I was going to give her child a college education.
You're going to have to see this baby sometime.
Well, maybe when he's grown up, I can date him.
- Or Janey can date him.
- Over my dead body.
Why don't you just swing by the shower and throw a gift at the door? Yeah, maybe.
- Protein.
- There's protein in here.
Not any protein in there.
Right here, protein.
1 gram.
1 gram? What's the point of being a vegetarian if you eat all this junk? Makes up for tofu.
Meet you in the produce.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I had this shoot down this way and had this craving for broccoli.
I guess you know all about cravings.
Yeah, yeah.
How's that baby thing coming along? Ready to pop yet? Almost.
Two weeks.
How are you? - Oh, I'm great.
- Yeah? Oh, did you get the invitation? Invitation? Yeah.
Hope's throwing a shower.
I hope she gets the invitations out.
Oh, well, I haven't checked my mailbox yet.
You'll be there, won't you? What, you afraid I'm going to stiff you on the gift? No.
I don't care about the gift.
There'll be food, games, pony rides.
Oh, Gary, I really don't think so.
What? Never mind.
I got to go.
Why? You tell me.
Melissa God, I mean Can't we just go back? You know, start over again.
Tell me, what can I do? I can't tell you.
Why? I mean, just Anything you want.
Anything you want me to say? Just tell me.
Help me out here, Melissa.
There's a lot of calcium.
Enough calcium for a week.
Melissa, hi, how are you? Fine, actually.
Just looking for broccoli.
I could tell you it's not as bad as it looks, - but I'd be lying.
- [group laughs.]
In transition, the cervix is opening those last few centimeters.
It is definitely the most painful time, but it also means you're in the final stretch.
The population would have died out years ago if it was all that bad.
Let's practice the breathing transition technique again.
Get into position.
Remember, it's just a simulation to give you an idea of how you're going to have to breathe.
Okay, ready? Coaches, ready? Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Deep, cleansing breath.
Inhale in through the nose.
Exhale.
Relax.
Focus.
We're at the point of the contraction.
And [breathes.]
Again.
[breathes.]
Again.
[breathes.]
Good, good.
15 seconds, and 3s.
[breathes.]
30 seconds.
We're at the peak at the contraction, and blow.
[exhales.]
That's it.
Blow.
No, really, I'm fine.
Sh, you're doing fine.
Just breathe.
Breathe.
- I can't.
- Yes, you can.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Will you let me do this at my own speed? Slow down, slow down.
That's it, that's it.
Slow down, slow down.
Shorter breaths.
Shorter breaths.
- That's it.
That's great.
- Back to 4s.
That's 4s.
Good.
60 seconds, inhale through the nose, and exhale.
Relax.
Okay.
Anybody pass out? I know I almost did.
It's really hard to concentrate.
Yeah, that's why you have to remember visualization.
But it's still so hard.
Right.
That's why we have to rely on our coaches.
And practice, all right? Let's take a five minute bathroom break, and we'll try it again, okay? [chatter.]
You want to try again? - It's okay.
- We can practice one more time, right now.
Come on, I got my watch.
Let's do it.
Let's try it one more time.
- No, I don't want to.
- Oh, come on.
You heard what she said.
You have to trust me.
I'm your coach.
Yeah, and I'm the one having the baby.
I'm sorry.
You know what I mean.
Sure.
It's just There's too much to absorb.
I'm not going to be able to do the breathing.
- Yes, you will.
- No, I won't.
I'll get to the hospital and everything will go out of my head.
Then they'll try to give me all kinds of drugs.
You don't have to take anything you don't want to.
And I'll probably throw up.
Oh, God.
Suppose I throw up? - I'll be there.
- Yeah, right Laughing.
Nope, not laughing.
Gary Suppose Suppose it doesn't work? I don't know.
I can't believe I'm in a Lamaze class.
I can't believe I look like all these other fat women.
What are we doing? I just I don't know.
What? I don't know if I can do it.
Come on now, I want you to take a deep, cleansing breath.
Push, push.
Come on, you can do it.
You got to help us out, Susannah.
Push, push now.
Push.
[pan clatters.]
All right, honey, here we go.
Here we go.
We can do this.
We can do this.
You can't quit now.
You cannot quit.
You can't quit.
If you don't push, who's going to read all those crazy Dr.
Seuss books we bought? Huh? Who's going to read those Dr.
Seuss books? That's what this baby's saying.
He's saying, "I want to read Dr.
Seuss.
"I want to watch MTV.
"I want to meet my dad.
"I want to meet my mom.
" You know? "I want to meet my mom.
" "I want to meet my mom.
" Honey? "I want to meet my mom.
" Come on, honey.
[cries.]
I can't.
It's okay, honey.
Come on.
Poor thing.
She's completely exhausted.
Okay.
It's going to be all right.
Let's get her ready and take her down the hall, all right? No.
Oh.
No.
Okay.
No.
Oh.
Okay, here we go.
Okay, honey.
This is the Himalayas of contractions.
This is the Himalayas.
I got my money on this one.
I got Oh, it's the Himalayas.
It's Mount Everest.
I see the Matterhorn.
Come on, honey.
Good, good.
- Okay, here we go.
- [baby wails.]
- That's it.
Here we go.
You call that a curl? That's it? Come on.
Here we go.
- Here it comes.
- That's it.
That's it.
Here he is.
Oh, great job.
You have a beautiful little girl here.
Oh, wow.
She's so little.
- Okay, let's get her cleaned up.
- She's so little.
Oh, wow.
[Man.]
Okay, let's go down this way.
Oh, okay.
Actually, none of them is mine.
Melissa, I'm really sorry.
You want to see her? What? Now? Yeah.
I don't think so.
Oh, come on.
No, it's late.
I shouldn't be here.
It's okay.
I can come back tomorrow.
I would prefer that, if I came back tomorrow.
I don't have a proper present.
Oh.
Hey.
Watch her head.
Okay.
There.
Here.
Oh.
Easy, girl.
Closed-Captioned By J.
R.
Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA And dance by the light of the moon