UnREAL (2015) s03e04 Episode Script

1 - Am I in trouble? - Yes.
Every now and then, you got to break the rules.
You see something you want, and you take it.
Oh, my God, he's talking to you.
Oh, my God! Stop! I just told you to kiss the guy.
You gave the Suitress to Madison? You wanted no part of the "toxic sludge.
" And I didn't want to get in the way of your "Essential Honesty.
" If you want to get to know me and ask me out on a real date, maybe I'll say yes.
- I love it.
- Who is this guy? His name's Xavier.
He's a friend.
He's lucky guy.
Imagine a show about underground dance scenes all over the world.
And Alexi's gonna host it.
All right, let's make it happen.
There is one person with whom I've made a real connection August.
CHET: See? Her? Just cut her out.
That's amazing.
Listen, I got some footage.
I think there's a real zeitgeisty story here.
Two people died last season.
That's on me.
Coming to me was a very important step.
I want to help you figure out where this this darkness comes from.
I need it tighter up here as well, not just down there.
Hey, Quinn [CHUCKLING.]
Oh, damn! A custom suit? Don't you think we ought to actually sell our pitch first? Oh, Jay, I think you left your balls in the hall.
That's really cute.
And it's possibly illegal.
Hey, go take a look at that.
Berto, why are your hands not moving? You're here to work.
- Oh, my God.
- [SIGHS.]
Quinn, where did you get this shot of Alexi? Oh, I got it from his PR people.
Makes you want to lick the poster, right? I mean, yeah, Alexi's great, but Sissy Bounce came from Xavier.
I wouldn't even know what it is without him.
Who the hell's Xavier? He's my boyfriend.
I I-I mean, I always just imagined he'd be a big part of the show.
Yeah, that's a sticky one.
I mean, for you.
I mean, come on, without Alexi's star power, all we have is your niche dance-around-the-world snooze-fest.
You know, we'd have a better chance of selling "Passport to Anal Bleaching.
" - [LAUGHS.]
- Hey, hey, hey.
Do not laugh when you have sharp pins around my vagina, all right? Here, hold this.
Look, I need you to get the footage today of Alexi being sexy and romantic with Serena so we can drop it into a sizzle reel for Gary, which will make our pitch undeniable.
- Okay.
I got it.
- [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
We have a problem.
- Well, August has a problem.
- What is that? His man-bun.
Someone cut it off while he was sleeping.
[LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHTER.]
That is not a problem.
That is television gold.
I have to go.
DR.
SIMON: Rachel.
I went looking for you this morning.
Do you actually live in that truck? Boundaries.
You ever heard of them? I'm just concerned, okay? You opened up a lot last night.
That can be destabilizing.
Okay, uh, well, - maybe I said too much.
- No, you didn't.
And this is why I think we should keep working together so that we can get to the core of the issue.
No, no, no.
I-I-I that's not what I don't to keep thinking about this, okay? I don't want to stir things up.
I don't need that noise in my head.
I just need to focus on my work.
I mean, I found Serena.
I brought her here.
I'm the one that saved her from this princess shit.
So I've got to keep my head together for Quinn.
I just need you to think about it.
Look, I am actually doing a good job here.
I just want to keep doing it.
MAN: Rachel, you're needed on set.
Really? Yes, really.
This is what I've always done.
This is how I feel in control.
Huh, 'cause I thought you said you were feeling out of control, dishonest, and a little fearful of where it might lead.
Can you please stop? AUGUST: What's wrong with these idiots? - I have to go.
- No, it's an absolute joke, mate.
No, of course you won't stand up and admit it, will you? Wow.
Big and brave in the middle of the night but total chicken shit when I'm standing right here - [LAUGHTER.]
- wide awake.
Simmer down, Samson.
QUINN: One camera on August and another camera on his mangled head.
So, you guys are seriously okay with this? - Yeah.
Seriously.
- Where's Serena? She's in hair and make-up.
I thought she should have her rollers out.
Oh, my God.
Your story instincts are ass backwards.
Dan, fly in Serena now.
Please.
- Okay.
- You know, I think you're mixing me up with someone who doesn't have a produced pilot at this network.
Oh, really? What's it called? "Keeping Up With Gary's Sidepiece?" I am not his sidepiece.
- He has taken me on vacation.
- Okay, let me guess.
Oh, a lot of private weekends, dinner alone by the fire.
Madison, have you ever been out in public with the man? SERENA: What's going on? Which one of you did this? Huh? I know the plan today was for me to hear these guys pitch their dream dates, but I don't give a damn what they want.
Hey, this frat-boy crap is a huge turn-off.
I only want a date with August.
- I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.
Well, that's not gonna work.
I can go try to flip her.
No, I can handle it.
Who do you want the date to be with? - Alexi.
- Done.
Okay.
Someone had their coffee this morning.
Maybe you should try putting some of that down your throat, Madison.
Oh, Robin, I'd like you to meet um, Quinn King.
She's my, uh, showrunner.
This is Robin Carr.
She's from The National Page.
She's gonna be writing a story about some of the important issues we're gonna be tackling this season on "Everlasting.
" Oh, well, it's nice to meet you.
I'm just curious to know why you didn't air the interview footage Chet showed me from last episode.
It's so zeitgeisty.
That is an excellent and nuanced question.
Um, could you just give us three seconds? - Sure.
- Thank you.
If you're trying to get me to pick someone else for the date, it's a waste of time.
Listen, I totally get it.
I'm just afraid that you're making it a little too easy for him.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God.
First I'm strident, unappealing, and now I'm too easy.
You said it yourself.
With these kind of guys, you've got to play catch and release, right? You got to pull back to draw them in.
So I'm supposed to play a game? Again? This whole thing is a game.
You know that better than anyone.
Having a reporter on the set is like DEFCON-level dangerous.
Hey.
We need the publicity for my Emmy campaign.
Plus, it's good for the sho You should be thanking me.
Okay, what you know about publicity I could fit in a nipple cup.
Is that thing? Listen, your, uh, pal from The National Page is a real-ass reporter.
And real-ass reporters have one goal and that is to dig shit up.
She's here for me, Quinn, okay? Let me handle it.
So, let's just think about this, right? Like, who would make August the most jealous? It would have to be somebody sophisticated.
SERENA: Like Guy? I don't know.
All he wants to do is talk about food.
I mean, you want someone soulful, well-traveled.
Like Alexi? He could work.
Okay.
But if I go on the date with Alexi, I still want time with August later.
All right, fine.
How's this you pick Alexi, and I will have August waiting in your room for some alone time, off camera.
Atta girl.
There you go.
QUINN: So? - On board.
- Excellent.
MADISON: No, that is what we always do.
I want you to take me somewhere in public.
I heard Chez Panisse has a new tasting menu.
Fine, I'll make a reservation.
Oh, um, I have good news about your pilot.
Oh, my God, really? What is it? I'll, uh, tell you tonight.
- Okay.
- [CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Quinn.
Now what? Yes? Listen, I'm concerned about Rachel.
Oh, seriously? I actually think she's doing great, so thanks for swinging by.
She's not great.
We had a real powerful session last night, and she told me some things that Oh, what did she tell you? - That's confidential.
- It better be.
I'm just happy she's finally talking, 'cause from what I can tell, she hasn't had a lot of people to confide in, which is why our work is so vital.
Okay [SCOFFS.]
sorry.
Your "work"? Why don't you slow your roll, dude.
All right? That was not part of our deal.
You are a safety net, okay? You are a walking Xanax dispenser.
You are not here to deep-dive into Rachel's psyche.
I'm here to help my patient.
Or don't you want that? Oh, what, now I'm getting shrinked? Oh, do you want to talk about my mean mommy? Love to.
[SCOFFS.]
The things that have happened here I don't know how you're handling it, but I can tell you right now, there is no way Rachel could just stuff it all down and ignore it.
She's on a collision course, Quinn, that I am trying to stop.
So either help me or get ready.
Because sooner or later, she's gonna blow.
[CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Hey, babe.
No, I know.
I'm sorry.
I I've just been really busy.
Uh No.
Actually, Quinn's, like, really excited to take the pitch to the network.
No, Xave, stop.
It's j Obviously she thinks you're incredible.
She wants you to be a big part of the show.
Yeah, I love you, too.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
Hey, Alexi So, um, I-I just, uh, wanted to let you know, I wrote up a couple things for you to say when you pitch Serena your dream date today.
Uh, which is, uh Wait a minute.
So you making me learn lines like puppet? Oh, dude, it's like three lines.
[LAUGHS.]
This is just great career hitting rock bottom.
Yeah, well, um, I There's something else I need to talk to you about, actually.
We kissed.
So what? Get over me.
I can feel it You and I will gallop along the beach at Point Reyes, maybe take our horses out into the surf if you don't mind getting just a little bit - wet.
- [LAUGHS.]
We'll go for a ride.
You drive.
You, me, and an afternoon in the park with my boy Lou.
You and I will spend the day sailing with the dolphins and sipping on the finest champagne.
I'll show you real magic.
Quality time with no distractions.
Just you and me and beautiful stars.
You have heard all eight dreamy dates, Serena, some truly dreamy.
Somebody hose Graham down.
But only one can become a dream come true.
Thank you for putting so much creativity into your pitches.
Uh, but there really is only one dream date for me.
Alexi.
- Yes! - Whoa.
Thank you, thank you.
All right, and that is a cut.
Rachel, nice job.
You are killing it.
- Hey.
- What's What's going on? Serena said she only wanted a date with me.
RACHEL: What do you care? You're lucky you're still here.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
How you doing? 'Cause you kind of seem like you're on fire.
I know, right? Yeah, no.
I'm good.
I'm really good.
Okay, good.
Because I know I said some words yesterday.
Yes, I know.
And, um, I've taken those words to heart.
I don't want to be the curse anymore.
No, I never said you were the curse.
I It doesn't even matter, Quinn.
I just Look, I just want you to know that I am, like, fully committed.
My mind is clear.
I just I don't know.
[CHET SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
I just really want to give you everything that you need to make an amazing show.
Okay, you know what? Tell you what.
Uh, if you want to give me what I need, then I'd like you to go on the date with Alexi.
Get him to sizzle.
And get his sizzle all over Serena.
[CHUCKLES.]
Adrienne Idalis doesn't do private performances.
Ever.
She's doing it for you, so you should be really excited about it.
Dragging lonely businesswoman to ballet.
Big whoop.
You know, I thought you and me, we had a connection.
So, why are you making me do this? I think this could be a really great opportunity for you and Natalia.
You know about Natalia? The woman who broke your heart? The reason you went on a public coke binge which led to your dismissal from the Royal Ballet? - That Natalia? - We haven't been in touch, okay? Okay, well, she's been tweeting up a storm about the show, so she's watching you.
Natalia's tweeting me? That's good.
Don't shine for "the lonely businesswoman.
" [DOOR CLOSES.]
Shine for Natalia.
It'll destroy her.
Seriously? You're producing my guy again.
Dude You should be happy.
Come on.
Alexi's into the date now.
I was gonna use Natalia when I needed it.
It is not up to you to decide when I play my ace, Rachel.
Why do you even care? Okay, you know that this is what we need him for.
You have no idea about what it is that I need.
JAY: You're a piece of work, Rachel.
Just stay out of my business.
[CELLPHONE BEEPS.]
[BREATHING SHAKILY.]
Are you coming or what?! QUINN: That reporter is real trouble.
I can already feel her climbing into my asshole.
MADISON: She's actually a pretty good writer.
I've read some of her articles.
You know, I know girls just like her.
Looking for a big story so she can make a real name for herself.
Ohh.
[CHUCKLES.]
We should give it to her.
Today's your lucky day, Mini-Me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Rachel and Jay are off campus, so you're up.
Get ready.
We're gonna blow up this man-bun thing.
We're gonna go full Bun-ghazi.
[LAUGHS.]
N-Normally, I would be really excited about this, but I actually have to leave early tonight.
I have a dinner with Gary at Chez Panisse.
Huh.
So that wasn't just a one-time thing.
Do I look not shocked? 'Cause that's what I'm going for.
It's just for work.
It's about my pilot.
Yeah, I bet it is.
Look, you are always saying that you want to be just like me, but all you've done is sucked off my fiancé and spread your legs for my boss.
So, if you want to earn real power and respect, you're gonna have to step into your balls and grab it.
Be your own woman.
Not somebody else's bitch.
The quest for Serena's heart has taken a mysterious and a violent turn.
But we will unearth the truth.
And attempt to heal the wounds of our fractured brotherhood.
Welcome to the Man-Bun Inquisition.
You know, the, uh, Inquisition, uh, isn't uh, just about who attacked August but why.
What are the roots, the values of male aggression.
It's very of it's moment, you know? It's very "Lord of the Flies.
" [CLEARS THROAT.]
So, welcome to backstage.
Those are riggers.
They hoist - Mm.
- scenery.
- That's very important.
- Oh, yeah.
It's a whole magical world.
Why is this so hard for him? Why can't he just be happier? - This is him happy.
Okay? He's Russian.
- Ugh.
Wait a minute.
Sergei? I can't believe it! - [RUSSIAN ACCENT.]
Alexi! - Seryoga! [LAUGHTER.]
[CONVERSING IN RUSSIAN.]
Ahh! [GROWLS.]
Jay, this is very good friend of mine from Mariinsky Theatre in Saint Petersburg.
Can I have two minutes to catch up? Yeah.
I mean yeah.
Definitely.
We should get all this on camera anyway, so it's good.
No, no, no.
No camera.
No camera, okay? Just two minutes alone with my brother.
- No, no, no.
I can't.
- Come on.
Two minutes.
It's nothing.
You're the cool one.
So be cool.
For me.
Hm? Two minutes.
Great.
QUINN: You're bleeding Instagram followers.
I mean, you're down 300,000 since the season started.
How How is that possible? You're just not popping.
Yo, this can't be happening, man.
I told my publicist taking me offline for six weeks was suicide.
You just need to figure out a way to make some noise.
I mean, you know what you could do? You could confess to cutting off August's man-bun.
- That's noisy.
- Yeah.
Are you high? "A," I didn't do that puss move, "B," everybody would hate my ass if I claimed it.
Serena would definitely chop me.
What's that look? Can y Can y'all talk to me? [BOTH WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY.]
Look, we weren't gonna tell you this, okay? But we heard from Serena that she's probably cutting you tonight anyway.
What?! Who will lead us into the pathway of light? Come on.
Somebody knows the truth here.
Open your hearts and be honest.
- Come on, Zach.
Come on.
- Anyone? Huh? You can do this.
Own it.
Own it, buddy.
What are you, a coward? Oh, Graham, give me the damn stick.
Thank you.
JASPER: This is ridiculous.
So we all have roommates.
So, at least two of us know who snuck out last night to, uh to scalp Mr.
Augie up.
AUGUST: Yeah, I'd like to know.
I did it.
Huh? It was me.
I snipped off his weak-ass man-bun.
I did it.
- Oh! - And I liked it.
- Good one.
- Hey! - Good one, Zach.
- Good job.
MAN: Good job, man.
Where is Alexi? Honestly, what is going on with you? Look, I am freaking out, okay? I lied to Quinn.
I told her Alexi already agreed to host "Passport to Dance.
" But I haven't even talked to him about it yet.
Are you kidding? Jay, seriously? She's getting fitted for a custom suit.
I know.
But I promised Xavier he could host, like, way before any of this, Rach.
You have no idea what this empire thing means to her.
- Rachel - What? Rach, please don't say anything.
I can't get wrapped up in any more dishonesty, Jay.
- I am so sorry.
I just can't.
- You know, it's cool.
You know, you've never kept anything from Quinn anyway.
Really? Handle your shit, Jay, okay? Get Alexi on board now.
[SIGHS.]
Jay Carter as I live and breathe.
O-M-G, I love that look of shock on your gorgeous face.
This is exactly what I wanted to catch your organized, fussy ass unawares.
- Come here.
- Xave, what are you What are you doing here? I'm here for the pitch, boo.
It's Sissy Bounce.
And I'm the bounce bounce, right? [LAUGHING.]
Yeah, you are.
You're the bounce.
All right.
All right.
Shut up.
This is insane.
- Whoo! - Yeah! - Zach is lying.
It wasn't him.
I did it.
- [INDISTINCT GRUMBLING.]
- You know You know I did it.
- Sit down, man.
Here's the truth.
I grabbed his little nub didn't like it - and I hacked it off, - okay? Sit down! Come on, man, we all know Get the producers out here.
There are security cameras.
Come on.
Cut these cameras.
I know you know what I'm talking about.
Do you have the security footage? Boo! Of course I do.
- Xave, this is Rachel.
- Hi.
Girl, you mean so much to my baby, so you mean so much to me.
Alexi's ready, beautiful people! Let's do this! Oh, my God.
It's you.
It's him.
Jay loves to talk you up.
I have seen you bounce, bounce, bounce.
Holy moly.
You're Alexi Petrov.
And you are super lucky sissy to this silky man.
Mm.
[ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING.]
Her soul is singing, each movement a note.
[GASPS.]
This is divinity! [SERENA LAUGHING.]
You're crazy! Raise a glass to the God of the Gravity! And those who defy it! So, he's playing straight.
No, he is straight.
He's very straight.
Please.
I have got to focus on this right now, okay? We can talk more after wrap, I promise.
Flesh and bone and blood and grit! All catapulting [LAUGHING.]
in the air! Bravo! [LAUGHS.]
We have uncovered footage from the midnight scalping of August.
This is the moment of truth.
For Zach.
For Billy.
For America.
- Do it, Graham.
Play it.
- Okay, boys.
BILLY: Moment of truth, boys.
Get ready for it.
Here it comes.
[INDISTINCT GRUMBLING.]
Hey! I told you! I told you! - No, no, no, no, no.
- That should be my face.
You wiped my you wiped my face, snipping that thing! - They wiped my - No! Come on.
That Billy, he's, like, a bit of a wackadoo.
I think you might need to go check under his hood.
Yeah.
I have a feeling I know exactly what I'm dealing with.
[INDISTINCT YELLING.]
Yeah, this is why we have a psychologist on staff.
You know, things can get a bit intense.
Yeah, well, you don't want another contestant jumping off the roof, do you? [ INDISTINCT GRUMBLING.]
ZACH: Yeah, yeah.
Hey, Zach is really something, huh? Big heart, huge star power.
I actually brought him over from my pilot, "Hashtag Adulting.
" You shot a pilot? Did you do it together? Oh, no.
I did it on my own.
Oh, yeah, this one here, she's on a real, uh, meteoric rise.
Tell her, Madison.
How you zipped up the ladder.
Or was it un-zipped? I always get those two confused.
ALEXI: [TRILLS.]
- You okay? - The king is back! [LAUGHS.]
Mmmmmmmm mmmmm mmmmmm! Okay.
Come on, let's go.
Let's get you inside.
I know I know I signed a contract.
- But I didn't sign for this! - Hey, let's go, Alexi.
- [LAUGHS.]
- Let's get you let's go.
Thank you for convincing me to go on that date.
I have I have no words for what just happened.
- That was That was nuts.
- Oh, my God.
Okay, but I still want my time with August tonight.
I-I still think he's the one.
Absolutely.
He's gonna be in your room after the elimination ceremony.
Thank you.
We need to talk.
Excuse me, are you Rachel Goldberg? My least favorite question.
Hi.
I'm Robin Carr from The National Page.
You're Quinn's number two, right? Yes.
It's 2 or 10 depending on the day.
I would love to talk to you.
Actually, we need to We're gonna go.
Excuse us.
You know, Rachel isn't her number two.
We're all producers, so we aren't ranked.
- Technically that's true.
- [CELLPHONE BUZZING.]
Oh, excuse me.
Got to get this.
Ah, my girlfriend.
How are you? Oh, no, no, no, no.
That That That's for the lights.
The other button is for the bubbles.
So, what's it like working for Quinn? I've heard a lot about her, not all positive.
I probably shouldn't say anything.
Ooh, now I'm intrigued.
The word is, aside from Rachel, female producers don't really last around here.
[ICE CLINKING.]
I just need to make things right, okay? 'Cause, like, Serena trusts me.
I just can't keep lying to her.
I had sex with August a few times.
- It's over.
Move on.
- I know.
But she's into him because of what he said to her on the date, - but he was talking to you.
- Wait.
So, what we're producing on "Everlasting" isn't real? I think Quinn is threatened by younger, ambitious women.
Mm-hmm.
No, I can totally see that.
But I mean, she's still a phenomenon, right? She's a mess.
She's been drinking on set.
The network president caught her.
And he told me, privately, of course, that she's on her way out.
They just don't trust her anymore.
Well, you seem like a real up-and-comer.
Thank you.
I think the network thinks so, too.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, you know what I could use your help with? Serena.
They've been trying to keep her away from me all day, but it would seriously make my story if I could talk to her.
I can definitely help you with that.
Quinn, I just can't keep doing this, okay? I'm, like, trying harder than you know, but I really need to get back to being honest.
No, you don't.
Just stop it, okay? You cannot do this job and be essentially honest at the same time.
And I am sorry if that is gonna make you explode or whatever, but you just have to let it go.
Okay, well, I can't, Quinn.
I'm, like, barely hanging on here.
I really need to do something.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Hey.
Can you give us a sec? - Sure.
- Thank you.
So, Serena, this is Robin.
Robin, Serena.
You have five minutes.
Thank you.
What's going on? Hi.
I'm writing a story on the show for The National Page.
Do you mind? Uh, no.
Sure.
I read that profile of you in Flash Talk.
It was really illuminating.
Thank you.
I'm just wondering how a Silicon Valley baller let herself descend into a literal damsel in distress - in a matter of weeks.
- Excuse me? I mean, what message are you trying to send to women? I'm not sending any message.
I'm just trying to find someone to spend the rest of my life with.
Okay, look, the damsel thing was a regrettable blip, but if you had seen my date with Alexi or the connection that I have with August, you would know that I have real options here.
Oh, my God.
You sound like a kidnapping victim.
You have to realize they are manipulating you at every step.
No, I'm a lot more in control than you think.
Okay.
Serena, they've created this whole man-bun investigation just to keep me occupied.
Who knows what they're hiding here.
This morning, I heard Rachel convincing Alexi to pretend to be into you.
What? These producers are monsters.
And I'm gonna expose them.
If I were you, I'd trust no one.
[THUNDER RUMBLES.]
Rachel? Have you been producing the guys to like me? Who told you that? That reporter.
She saw you talking to Alexi.
Come on.
You told me you'd always be straight with me.
That is why I came on this show in the first place.
So just tell me what the hell's going on.
Okay, fine.
Yeah, like, sometimes we do have to, you know, like, push the guys a little bit.
To like me? Okay, maybe Alexi.
But not August.
Oh, come on.
You told me he was solid.
You said it right to my face.
Please don't make an ass out of me, Rachel.
I will not survive it.
Okay, look, I, like, legitimately thought that August was a good guy.
I really did.
And then and then I found out What? You found out what? August slept with Quinn.
Okay, they had this whole thing.
And she asked me not to say anything to you, but it has absolutely been killing me.
I am so sorry, Serena.
You deserve the truth.
Rachel told you that I slept with August? It's true.
You're vile.
You are everything that reporter said you are.
Obviously I am gonna cut your boy toy the second the cameras roll.
All right, I wouldn't, okay? It's a mistake to blame this all on August.
You know what? I don't want to hear your self-serving spin.
Hey, we all make mistakes, right? I slept with August and you slept with the jockey.
Our bad.
And besides, August didn't even really know you when he slept with me.
Why not give him a chance? - [SCOFFS.]
Oh.
- Oh, come on.
He is the hottest guy here.
Unbelievable.
None of this is anything like it was supposed to be.
You know what? From here on out, I'm only dealing with Rachel.
I don't trust you as far as I can punt you.
They're plastic but they're changed Uh, excuse us, okay? We are done here.
Are you kidding? You can write whatever you want, including me kicking you off our set.
You know, I can't believe that Madison thought that it was okay to let you talk to our Suitress.
How did you know it was Madison? I didn't.
Until now.
Dan! You know, it's surprising to me that you're so rough on her.
Because she's like a younger version of you, even following your example of sleeping your way to the top.
[LAUGHS.]
You don't know me, okay? I rose up on this show after busting my ass for years in the shadows until I finally got the credit I deserved.
It is so interesting that you position yourself as this feminist hero.
- I never said that.
- Good.
'Cause I think what's really happening is you hate yourself, which is why you've made it your life's work to destroy other women.
That's the real story here, Quinn.
The real story is you.
Have a good night.
My fact checker will be getting in touch soon.
[DOOR OPENS.]
I can't believe that woman.
Did you talk to Serena? - Yes.
- And? And worked like a charm.
She loathes me and loves you.
So, we are back on with you as her guide.
Okay? Feel better? Super honest? Because I feel better.
I mean, we all should feel better.
Except Serena.
But, you know, Kumbaya.
Yeah, I should feel better.
I mean, I definitely thought I would, but, um Rachel? What is going on? I've been talking to Dr.
Simon.
Yeah.
I heard.
I almost did something this morning.
What did you do? You know what? Never mind.
Rachel This is not the time.
We have a lot of eyes on us, and you can't be going off the rails or doing a deep out with Dr.
Simon.
Okay, well, that's not what I'm doing.
I'm just I'm, like, fixing myself.
[SCOFFS.]
What does that even mean? I mean, just produce the show, don't kill anybody, and you'll be fine.
Don't you want me to get better? Of course I do.
But just not now.
I mean, can you just wait till the season's over? No, I can't.
I'm not waiting anymore.
[INHALING DEEPLY.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Hey, Alexi, d Oh, my God.
Where did you get Is this what you were doing with Sergei? This is what makes me feel alive.
It makes me be the man Natalia wants me to be.
AD DAN: Jay, where's Alexi? We need him for the Elimination Ceremony.
You need to get your shit together and get dressed.
Now.
GRAHAM: As the great Dostoyevksy might've said, there can be no crime without punishment.
And so it is time for Serena to mete out justice.
One contestant must be executed.
From the show, obviously.
And the rest will get their freedom.
And a Coif Chopper DX portable hair-cutting system.
Because why settle for a hair cut when you can get a hair vacuum? Serena, who are you choices? Owen, will you stay? Guy, will you please stay? Warren, will you please stay? Okay.
Alexi, will you please stay? No.
Just joking.
[LAUGHS.]
ALEXI: Here.
Oh.
Oh.
Ohh.
Finally somebody with something.
Jasper, will you please stay? Wait till she finds out about your bet, dick.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
August, will you please stay? Yeah.
Good girl.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, where's Rachel? I haven't seen her since this morning.
[WHISPERING.]
See you in the room later? [WHISPERING.]
Not a chance.
GRAHAM: And now just two remain.
But only one can receive a stay of execution.
SERENA: After everything that's happened today, I can safely say the most important quality that I am looking for is honesty.
At least one of you had the guts to show your true colors.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Zach.
Bitch, what? - ZACH: [ LAUGHS.]
- You sure? No.
Hey, this isn't right.
Get me a producer.
Thank you.
Okay, he's saying he did it which he did not.
And even if he did, why are you not cutting him? Because I'm finally cutting you.
Bitch.
- Oh! - That's very nice.
No, you didn't! That's fantastic.
[GRUNTING.]
We'll miss you.
- [LAUGHING.]
- [CELLPHONE RINGING.]
Okay, hey, and that's a cut, everybody.
Well, I will miss Billy but not his toothpicks.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, um, Jay.
I got to tell you.
I saw the footage with Alexi.
I don't know what you were doing to keep him on his stride, but keep it coming.
Because that is the Alexi we need.
No, yeah, yeah.
I understand.
That's fine.
I can just meet you later.
QUINN: Chez Panisse? He had to work late.
He's just gonna order in.
Am I fired? 'Cause that's what I do, right? Destroy other women? [SCOFFS.]
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
Come here.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
You don't get it, do you? I'm hard on you because I'm trying to help you.
Do you think Rachel got so good at her job because I was nice to her? You should be looking for a career that lasts and means something.
Slow down.
All right? You're trying to cut to the front of the line with Gary.
And I promise you, that is not going to end well.
Does anybody have eyes on Rachel? [SIGHS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
May I help you? I'm Rachel Goldberg.
I'm sorry.
Do I know you? [VOICE BREAKING.]
My mother is Olive Goldberg? She was your therapist? Oh, my God.
- You lied to me.
- What? No, I did not.
I said the food would be terrible but the view would be magnificent.
You cannot question this view.
I meant the wings.
They're amazing.
Sriracha? Cool.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure if you like spicy.
Aw, you think these are spicy.
- Aww.
- Mm.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
You always this happy? Why wouldn't I be? Working in TV's been a dream come true.
I remember when I used to think coming to work was fun.
Breathe in, the lights fade It's the drugs I think this is fun.
[LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Until I love you once again Mm.
Nah, it's not that fun.
Defy gravity Defy gravity [INHALES DEEPLY, EXHALES.]
If you're thinking about drowning yourself, that coat looks awfully buoyant.
[LAUGHS.]
Mind if I join you? No? This place is making my head spin, as well.
I'd offer you a sip, but, um, I'm gonna need every drop.
That's fair.
Defy Tell me something.
If we met in the real world, [CHUCKLES.]
if you walked into Vertigo and I was there I'd get your number.
And I definitely wouldn't let you leave before I made sure that it was real.
And then I'd call you up and I'd, um, ask you out before you'd even got home.
Defy gravity Gravity You know, actually, I think this is a lot better.
It's always so noisy there.
How How's that torte? That looks delicious.
So, what's the exciting news about my pilot? Did you finally watch it? Uh, you know, I wanted to.
It's been a week from hell, honey.
But the good news is Lenny, my assistant, watched it, and he loves it.
Um, actually, my head is pounding.
Do you have any aspirin? Uh Yeah.
In the, uh, kitchen down the hall.
I'll get it.
How about that? And, um Mmm.
Oh, that is good.
Save me some of that torte, okay? [MOUSE CLICKING.]
[SCOFFS.]
Okay, here's the deal.
I'm pitching a show with Quinn called "Passport to Dance," and you're gonna be the star of it.
What makes you think I'd do that? Look, I think I just need some closure.
You know, about what you did to me.
No.
What we did.
No.
No, like, what you did to me.
Come on.
We both know that your mother was into some weird stuff with that "experimental" couples therapy.
You came in and saw us.
- You were watching.
- N - You followed me into my bedroom.
- No.
I went to the bathroom and you were waiting in the hallway.
That is not true.
I asked you if you were curious.
You said yes.
I was 12.
What? N That's not possible.
You said you were 17.
I lied.
[SCOFFS.]
If I say yes, you'll bring me more? Yes.
[TAPPING.]
[SNORTING.]
You're sorry? [SCOFFS.]
Is that supposed to make me feel better or forgive you? Because I you know, I don't.
You ever even think about what you did to me? Every time I look in the mirror.
Your father came that night My what? My father never even knew about what happened.
Of course he did.
He came that night, and he beat the crap out of me.
What are you talking about? That's just not possible.
It's not.
Because if my father knew, he would've said something to me.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
If my father knew God, I'm sorry.
[EXHALES DEEPLY.]
You're scaring the hell out of me, Rachel.
Where are you?