Vikingane (2016) s03e04 Episode Script

1
I was just going to caress you.
But you are kind of asking for it,
if you touch someone who's asleep.
Yes, duly noted.
I just hope we can have a rule
in the future
that we can wake each other up
at any time
to caress and cuddle.
That, at least, gets my vote.
You can caress me, at least,
any time you want
as much as you want.
Yeah.
Now you look really scary.
That tattoo,
is it as spooky as you hoped
it would be?
I sense battle.
Jarl Bjørn is gathering an army.
Can you smell that?
Yes, I can.
I also heard it from my spy
and that gives me two sources.
There's going to be a battle.
Yes, absolutely.
Two sources. That's good.
Send for our allies.
Send the ravens!
It's a true mystery for me
how those ravens know
- exactly where to fly.
- Yeah.
We've come so far technologically
that we no longer know
how anything works.
It's true.
Everyone sends ravens,
but no one knows
how it really works.
It's true. It's true.
If all the technology
suddenly disappeared,
we'd be pretty much left high and dry.
Almost no one
can manage to make the things we just
take for granted in our modern world.
- Can you please stop with that philosophy?
- Yeah.
- Stop!
- Okay.
Remember I mentioned I was going fishing
with my dad and brother?
After Mom died,
things have been pretty busy.
So, it would be nice
if we had a little break,
a little valuable family time.
Do you think family time is more important than
raising a nithing pole?
No, no no.
Dad, I'm sorry, I have to work,
but we'll make up for it.
Catch one for me!
Great.
I love you.
Arnstein!
Come on!
I miss you so desperately.
I miss you, too.
But it's Olvar and me now.
But you don't really love him.
You just have this syndrome
that there's no real name for yet,
but it has to do with becoming
attached to your kidnappers.
Okay.
But I'm going to take you out of here
and give you a better life.
- You can do that?
- Yes.
A boat will take us to my relatives
in Iceland.
Pack your bags.
We're leaving tomorrow, my love.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Liv!
- Okay, you have to go.
- Liv!
Go, go go!
Liv!
Yes?
You won't believe it!
I caught a ladybug.
- Ladybug?
- Yes!
- Wow! That's an interesting insect.
- Yes! Come!
It is! Do you want to penetrate it
later with a stick?
- Yes!
- Yes.
I was just, uh
orientating myself a bit here.
Inspecting the assicle.
Good, good.
We're on our way to Vargnes now.
Good. Frøya, you aren't leaving, are you?
Yeah, I'm one of Olav's warriors now.
- Oh.
- It's only a business trip. Obligatory.
You didn't mention that. I'll join you.
Uh, no, that won't be necessary.
You know, it's boring work stuff
the entire time.
No, that's fine. I'll join you anyway.
We're supposed to do
everything together now, at all times.
But you don't have a horse or anything.
No, I don't have a horse,
but I can sit behind you and massage you.
Your muscles are probably very sore
after all the sex-making last night.
Hey, we got the raven,
came as fast as we could.
Yeah, very good.
Wow.
I like your new style.
Thank you.
I think that's good, someone dares
to stand out in the crowd.
Very good to hear. Thank you.
Everyone, Varg's got a new style,
real scary.
Is that the nithing pole?
Does it work?
Well, uh
through the power of magic
it can invoke misfortune
and accidents at a distance
of several kilometers.
So, uh, yeah,
it works pretty well.
That's amazing.
If Jarl Bjørn considers to attack
through the forest here,
he'll ride face-first into the nithing beam.
Then he'll be toast.
Then there's no hope.
But aren't they riding straight into the
nithing beam?
That can't be good.
Hey, there!
Get out of there! Turn around!
You're riding straight into the beam!
You're getting nith on you!
I think maybe that's
Dad and Drim.
Dad? Hello! Dad!
Drim! Turn around!
Get out of there! Get out of there!
Get out of the beam!
The beam is trained on you!
Eliminate them!
Eliminate Dad and Drim?
They're doomed anyway.
Another option could be to wait and see
if nith actually works.
Nith works.
They're dead men walking.
Yeah, of course you're right.
Straight in the head.
Very good, boys.
- My condolences.
- Thank you.
Wow, what happened here, Varg?
Those gave me weird looks,
those talked behind my back,
I think.
Okay.
Please don't touch the war table.
Our entire battle plan is on this table,
so it would kind of suck
if someone bumped one of the pieces.
Just marginally move one piece
and many work hours would be lost.
Okay.
Yes, we have used an enormous amount
of time and resources on
spying and recon in order
to be able to position the pieces
in the exact way they are, so
Enjoying yourself?
I suppose you're all wondering
why I gathered you here today.
Isn't it because you wanted to assemble
all your chieftans
to plan a coordinated attack
against Jarl Bjørn's army?
And that you also wanted to, uh,
launch a brand-new concept
called the war table,
where the entire battle plan is laid out
in, uh, detail?
At least that's what you wrote
in the summons.
- Did you write all that?
- Yes.
I didn't want the summons to be specific.
Right.
You said that you want
to start surrounding yourself
with a lore of mystique, so, uh
My bad. Poor summons writing.
But, yes, you are right.
Jarl Bjørn is gathering an army,
and my plan
is to destroy every one of them!
Jarl Varg has also promised
that there'll be room
for a lot of ravishing,
so that's a positive.
The pieces
on this side of the table represent
forces under my command.
These are your men, for example, Olav.
Oh, yeah, I see.
Your job during the battle is to attack
from here
up to there.
I'll fix it.
That was Olav
Olav.
I think it was pretty much in this area.
Yeah!
So, Olav
from here,
up to there.
So, Olav,
from here
May Fenrir gnaw away
every ounce of your blubber.
Rouse!
Get out!
Not you, Olav.
And not your
plump right-hand man.
Torstein out.
Out!
I apologize.
I apologize
profusely, almost.
So angry, over that?
It's insane.
Frøya, if you come with me,
we will find some great yarn.
- Yarn?
- Yes.
Yes, for crocheting.
- Come, come.
- Um
So
seems like the dry spell might last
a little longer.
Sure.
It was quite windy yesterday, but, uh
the wind seems to have dropped some.
So, the wind seems to vary a little
from day to day.
Sure.
- Yeah
- The wind isn't the same every day, no.
You have a spectacular face,
so beautiful.
It would be a shame
if someone would happen to
disfigure it.
Varg it can't be right
that you cannot lean on the war table.
Oh, no?
Well, aren't you supposed to lean
over the table and point out
uh, weaknesses in the plan?
Have heated discussions and
then someone introduces a plan so crazy
it might just work.
And another one
who might not even be totally convinced,
but still,
he feels he has to follow his heart,
so he yells out,
"You have my sword."
And then eventually they all speak
as one voice,
where they truly have something
to fight for together.
Isn't that kind of, uh, how it is?
Uh, at least, that's how I pictured it.
I hate to admit it! Yes!
You are right!
That's exactly what I had envisioned, too.
And you saw for yourself
how off central balance those pieces were.
It wasn't Arvid who tipped the war table,
it was poor craftsmanship.
Yes.
What's this?
A little raven with a message?
Is that an important message
you have there, little raven?
That's a chicken.
Chicken? Right, of course.
I've never been very good with birds.
Okay.
I see beaks and wings,
but aside from that
they look all the same to me.
Totally identical.
You can't tell the difference
between a sparrow and an eagle?
Not a chance.
Totally bird-blind. Always been.
Okay.
You know what?
Maybe the scouts didn't have any ravens
left, so they sent a messenger chicken
if that is a chicken and not a raven.
But I just have to take
your word for that.
Okay, but are you gonna check the message?
It might be insanely important.
Yeah. Hey!
A bird came with this.
Finally, now word has come.
Jarl Bjørn's army is marching
towards Vargnes.
Go home and gather your army.
We will do.
Hey! And make sure that the war table
carpenter gets punished.
Maybe confiscate his hammer?
No.
He shall be stripped of limbs.
His left arm,
his right leg, his tongue
and cock!
See you on the battlefield.
This will be good.
Hi, Olvar. There you are.
Yeah.
What are you doing?
I'm just, uh, gathering some of my things.
Why, may I ask?
No particular reason, really.
Uh, just like to have
my most important things gathered
in a sack or a practical bag.
Right. And, uh
you're going somewhere?
Yes, actually, I'm just going out
to meet some, uh, girlfriends.
Who?
Prefer to name no names.
No one mentioned, no one forgotten.
Okay. Um
One thing before you go.
Um, I was thinking, um
maybe you have been a bit
disappointed that I haven't,
you know, spoiled you with jewelry
and clothes and
that type of things.
Just a little bit. A tad, maybe.
It has been a test.
I just wanted to make sure
that you married me
for all the right reasons,
that you weren't a person
who pursued status and
material wealth.
Huh? You thought that about me?
Well, I
I just wanted to know
if it was true love from your end.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I'm really disappointed, Olvar.
I feel really rotten to the core.
Mm-hmm. And for good reason.
'Cause you were so incredibly wrong.
Yes. Well, from now on,
um, I'm going to shower you
with status symbols so you can
really be better than all the other women
in Norheim.
You really deserve that
after the class journey you have made.
Is it okay that I maybe put on
the rings right now?
Of course, yes.
This is fantastic, Olvar.
This relationship is really
going somewhere now.
Yeah, that's how it is, you know,
when two people love each other
more than life itself.
Oh! Gold and silver.
So shiny, so valuable.
And there's more where this comes from?
Yes, much more.
But off you go now, okay?
See you tonight.
Look at this.
Now we no longer have a watertight plan.
Don't worry, Hund.
I have a secret plan
saved for the right occasion.
And that occasion is now.
Are you thinking about the upcoming battle
against Jarl Bjørn?
Of course.
And if we succeed,
we won't lose a single man.
Prepare your marching boots.
We leave at dusk.
Jarl Varg?
Varg?
I'm not sure we're in the right place.
Yes, we are.
Then I'm not sure
this is such a good idea.
Why not?
This place is called the Dragon Valley.
They say a scary dragon
lives in this area.
That's exactly why we are here.
If we can get
the dragon on our side
we'll be invincible.
That's my secret plan.
Hello? Anyone home?
Dragon Rider.
I don't think we have met before.
Torstein Hund. Pleasure.
You got some nerve coming here
to Dragon Valley.
What do you want?
War is brewing,
and I would like to use
your dragon to scorch.
Jarl Bjørn's army.
Well, I don't use my dragon in war.
It's a principle of mine.
It wouldn't be fair
since it's so superior, you know.
Yes.
Of course, I understand.
Perhaps we can have a look at it anyway?
Oh, I'd love to invite you in, but, um
I haven't cleaned.
The place isn't really ready for visitors.
Don't worry about that.
I almost have to insist
on seeing the dragon,
now that we are here.
Yeah?
Yeah.
She's sleeping.
A really deep sleep.
Can we see the dragon
- while it's sleeping?
- No, no, no, no.
Because if she suddenly wakes up
and there are strangers present,
the situation can get
completely out of hand.
Fascinating.
Yes, I know.
There I am on the dragon's back,
and there she's breathing fire.
And here you can kind of see
the scale of the dragon.
That's the mountain called
the Giant Mountain,
- next to the dragon there.
- Wow.
The Giant Mountain looks tiny next to it.
We're talking one huge dragon!
Yeah.
I really can't
get the size to add up.
You know, here you are sitting on the back
of the dragon, holding on,
almost like an oversized horse,
while there,
the dragon is the size of a mountain.
Yeah, sure.
But there is a natural explanation.
There, she was a puppy,
and here, she's fully grown.
Now, what is that?
That is the lure that I command her with.
Interesting.
Do we have time
for a small thought experiment?
Yes.
For example,
and it is purely hypothetical
if I jammed my dagger
into your stomach right now
and grabbed that lure,
would the dragon then be under my command?
That's a very good question,
and the answer is no.
And to be honest,
the lure is more of an accessory to create
the total package, you know?
No, we're extremely tight,
so, uh, the dragon only obeys me.
I see.
I see.
Can I please borrow the dragon, please?
No. Principles are principles.
What do you say to becoming rich?
Rich beyond belief?
I swore an oath to myself
not to ever profit on the dragon,
you know?
So, sorry. A no is a no.
Liv my love!
Now it's off to Iceland,
to a new beginning.
Come.
Don't make this any harder
than it already is, Arnstein.
Harder, what?
I've gone over this
again and again in my head,
and I've come to the conclusion
that it would be disrespectful
not to listen to my inner voice.
And what does your inner voice say?
That I can't leave.
Olvar has really shown
new sides of himself lately.
Really stepped up the game, in a sense.
He gave you jewelry?
Yes. But that's
seriously not the reason at all.
It was more about
what my inner voice said
when I got this jewelry.
Oh. I see.
It's time to go, buddy.
Oh. What's going on, Liv?
Are you serious? Is
is he coming with us?
Good luck, Arnstein.
You have new adventures ahead of you.
And again,
and I can't emphasize this enough,
I never meant to hurt you.
Bye-bye.
Make sure they get a decent owner
at their new place, Sturla.
That was such a shame.
I was really looking forward to having
a fire-breathing dragon on our team now.
Yes, me, too.
Wait.
I've changed my mind.
I'll do it,
for the money.
I wouldn't mind being rich beyond belief.
Ah, excellent.
I mean, being rich isn't necessarily
the goal.
It's more not having to worry about money,
you know.
Right, right.
A wise man once said
"Money isn't everything,
as long as you have enough of it."
Then we have a deal.
I can already smell burnt human flesh,
and hear the screams of pain
and torment and agony.