Wellington Paranormal (2018) s03e04 Episode Script

Well, we've been called out to a reported disappearance.
Officer O'Leary is currently speaking with the missing person's girlfriend.
Um, so what was your boyfriend's name? - Noah.
- OK.
And can you tell me, what actually happened? We just came out of the shop, and we were having a vape.
Mmm hmm.
And out of nowhere, this blur zoomed past and, like, took Noah with him.
So, what do you mean by "blur"? Like it was, like, real blurry.
I actually thought his vape had exploded or something, but it, it hadn't.
What had happened to his vape? Um, I don't know.
But I really hope it's OK, because it's a real good one.
Um, what was Noah wearing? He had, ah, a stripy top, a black beanie, glasses.
And he was smoking a vape.
- Mmm hmm.
- Yeah.
So you've, kind of, just described every guy in Wellington.
Um, can you think of anything that maybe, you know, sets him apart? Um.
Oh, yeah.
He's vegan.
O'Leary.
CCTV.
Ah, look, sir.
Were you aware there was a, a kidnapping outside the front of your store earlier on today? OK.
I'll take that as a 'yes.
I'm just wondering if we could perhaps look at your security footage? Um, I noticed you've got a camera out the front there.
So, if we could have a look, that'd be great.
Would that be OK? - Take that as a 'yes'.
- Take that as a 'yes'.
The store owner has, ah, uploaded the footage now.
We're just checking out the footage from earlier on today.
You should update you're, ah, security system, mate.
This one's a bit, it's a bit smudgy, isn't it? That's not a smudge.
Something is swallowing him up.
I'm awake.
- Thanks for that outburst, Minogue.
- Good afternoon, team.
In the agenda today, Lindale Farm's most famous sheep, Betty, has gone missing.
Oh, no.
In other news, I am looking for a flatmate if anyone is keen to spread the news.
What are the details? Ah, so it's in Newlands.
It is two thirty a week.
Ah, you will get your own en suite and a carpark.
And you'll be living with myself and Tinkles.
Tinkles is my cat.
Yes, Parker.
Does the two thirty include bills? Ah, the two thirty includes internet and, ah, some utilities, such as toilet paper and cleaning products.
OK.
I'll take it then.
Well, no.
It's not actually that, ah, simple.
It's, quite a involved process.
There is quite a bit waiting list, Parker.
Oh, I could give Parker a reference, character, a character reference.
- You could? - You've never lived with him.
No, I know.
But I've seen him at work.
All right, like, please let's focus up.
Spread the news and, ah, have a good day everybody.
Dismissed.
OK.
So your missing hipster, ah, it turns out to be the third case just like it this week.
The other two showed up, ah, feeling slightly disoriented and disturbed.
Hold on.
Kia ora.
Go for Sarge.
Yep.
Mmm hmm.
All right, thank you.
Looks like they've found your missing hipster.
Also another victim has turned up.
He's waiting for you at the front desk.
- Copy that.
- Copy that.
So, I'd just come back from my shift at, Neptune's.
The trendy fish and chip shop.
- How big are the chips there? - Oh.
- Oh, probably about, that big.
- By the scoop? We don't need to know about the chips, sir.
Can you just carry on describing what happened? This spectre comes up and grabs me, and goes, "Hey, Wiremu.
You're late.
And then draws on me.
Sorry, it drew on you? Upside down I.
Well, it's right side up from my perspective.
- If you could.
- No, upside down from mine.
If you could just sit down and carry on.
So I was like, "Well, don't draw on me.
But also my name is not Wiremu".
And it looked, kind of, sad.
Could you maybe describe this "spectre" in a bit more detail? It looked really, ah, kind of, screwed up, like it'd been in an accident or something.
But it was wearing a red and white stripy top, glasses and a beanie.
Mmm.
Sorry.
Kia ora, Officer O'Leary.
Paranormal Office.
Let's go.
Here.
In 2001, almost twenty years to the day, six people travelling to the Wellington Sevens Rugby Game were killed in a car accident.
As you may recall, ah, the Wellington Sevens involved attendees wearing colourful and fun group-themed, ah, costumes, ah, mainly big men in little dresses.
The people who died that day, Just like the two guys that you picked up, and their kidnapper.
They're dressed like Wally from my favourite book, "Where's Wally?".
Ah, don't believe I'm familiar with that particular literature, "Where is Wally?"? Oh, that's a, ah, type of literature where the reader is tasked, ah, with finding the character called Wally.
He is the reason why I got into policing.
Why? Because you always found him? No.
I never found him.
- You never found him? - I'm still working on the case.
I'm actually working on a hunch that he doesn't actually exist in the book at all.
Interesting.
Ah, I've had Parker track down the costume, and it's actually called, "Lost Traveller Glasses Man".
Mmm.
That's Wally.
Well, ah, I think perhaps for legal reasons they've chosen to call the costume, "Lost Traveller Glasses Man.
".
Wally.
Well, I'd prefer if you called it, "Lost Traveller Glasses Man.
" Legal reasons.
Hey, look, how did these Wallies die How did the Lost Traveller Glasses Men die? Good question.
Ah, their van crashed into another vehicle containing people dressed as sexy crayons.
It then flew off an offramp into the side of a building.
Fortunately the sexy crayons escaped unharmed.
Slight digression here, Sarge.
But, can crayons be sexy? Yes.
They can be.
They sure can be.
Yes, they can.
Sarge.
Yeah.
Ah, yeah.
That's, ah, nots what, that's, not was is important here.
There is a spirit at loose.
Trying to drag the living into the realm of the dead.
So, I want the two of you to get out there and.
- Look for this Wally.
- (MAAKA CLEARS THROAT) The, the, the Lost Traveller Glasses Man.
- The Lost Traveller Glasses Man.
- Traveller Glasses Man.
Thank you.
I used to love the Sevens.
It's bringing back so many great memories.
I can't think of anything worse, to be honest.
What do you mean? Hanging with your mates, wearing a costume.
- Well, what was your costume? - Policeman.
What? And then you became a real police officer? No.
I was already a police officer when I started going to the Sevens.
So you were already a police officer, and then you'd hire a policeman costume every year? I wore this one.
It was actually me and four other police officers.
Turns out these are quite realistic, and they saved us a whole bunch of money.
It was just difficult when we'd go into town afterwards.
And people would want me to help them, but I was off duty.
So, well, we're back here at the scene where the disappearance then re-appearance occurred last night.
Just on the, ah, lookout for anything suspicious, specifically, anyone who is a ghost wearing a stripy top, beanie and glasses.
I mean, I'm here on Manners Street.
I mean, it's pretty quiet, give or take.
Um, but hopefully Minogue is having a bit more luck, up at Left Bank.
So, I'm down here at Left Bank, ah, on the hunt for our suspect or suspects.
As you can see, it's a very busy night.
There's a lot of people around, ah, which makes it a tougher job on me.
Um, so it could be difficult to spot him.
Ah, we could actually be in for quite a long night.
Oh, there he is.
Huh.
That was really quick.
Um, generally when you're looking for Wally, it takes forever.
Um, in fact, I've never found him before, so I'm actually pretty happy with that.
Um, quite possibly my shortest-lived victory to date.
Oh, no.
There he is.
Excuse me, sir.
I've got some questions for you.
Where have you been tonight? None of your business.
You seem a little bit worse for wear.
Are you OK? Yeah.
Fine.
OK.
Well, I'm just gonna let you know that you match the description of someone we've been looking for in relation to a certain incident.
We'll be taking you down to the police station for further questioning.
Dumb.
So, we've managed to find the suspect very early on in the night, which is fantastic news for us.
Um, we'll be able to get him down to the station, get the questioning done, and hopefully get to the bottom of this, ah, in quick time.
Oh, there he is.
Stop that Wally.
So still now sign of our suspect.
I've been trudging round for hours now, and no sign of him.
Feels like a waste of time, to be honest.
Oh, there he is.
Excuse me.
- (MAN GROANS) - (MAN LAUGHS) Stop.
Police.
Yeah.
You all right, mate? Another upside down 'I.
- You all right, sir? - Yeah, I'm fine.
OK, obviously he looks not fine.
Quite intoxicated, in fact.
And matches the, ah, description of the suspect or suspects, stripy top, that kind of thing.
So we'll go check it out.
You guys just stay back.
We don't know.
This might be a ghost, OK.
Wait there.
Excuse me.
Are you OK, sir? Yeah.
I'm fine.
OK.
You're actually not OK.
Look, your vomit is glowing, that's certainly not good.
Well, you seem to have some sort of alcoholic, sort of, beverage adhered to each of your hands.
Scrumpy hands.
OK, well, I'm gonna have to ask you to put your scrumpy hands where I can see them, so turn around, please.
You're under arrest for, ah, public intoxication.
Starting to lose patience with this guy, to be honest.
Oh, there he is.
Excuse me, sir.
I'm starting to lose patience with you.
- Now, if you stay still.
- No, if you're doing the front No, actually, you're right, you won't sit in the car otherwise.
Well, you stay behind.
I'll go behind.
You're in charge.
- Can you turn around please? - Yes.
I'm starting to get slightly frustrated.
Me too.
Why are you getting frustrated? Can you come back please? - Oh, sorry.
- Thank you.
- We're not playing games here, OK? - I'm not playing a game.
Epic fail.
OK, sorry.
OK, go ahead.
Do it.
Well, I'll do it.
OK.
You don't, you're actually making a fool of yourself now.
I can actually do it better than you.
Ah, do I get a Whoa.
Boom.
- OK, well, that's actually OK.
- Just like that.
Boom.
Thank you.
Just, thank you.
I just need to, radio my partner now.
- OK.
Shhh.
- Thank you.
In you get.
Mind your head.
- (LAUGHTER, CHEERING) - OK.
OK.
OK.
Quiet in the back, you Wallies.
Sit back please.
Sit back please.
Thank you.
- Make it click.
- Have you seen my mate, Wiremu? No.
Hey, when we get to the station, when we, and we get photos, can we keep the photos afterwards, so we can show our friends we got arrested? - That'll be all right, eh? - No.
Hang on a second.
Do you realise it's not actually cool to get arrested? - Oh! - Come on.
It's a little bit cool.
- It's a little bit cool.
- OK.
- OK.
- It's a little bit cool, though.
It's actually quite the opposite, OK? Actually quite the opposite.
It is not cool at all.
- Kurt Cobain? Arrested.
- Mmm.
Frank Sinatra? Arrested.
I don't think they know.
Well, that's probably for the best, because if they did know they were ghosts, they'd just walk out the car.
- What are you guys talking about? - Nothing.
I'm not intoxicated.
OK.
Excuse me, you were vomiting all over the place in a public area.
- What's wrong with that? - It's illegal.
- No.
Not in Levin.
- Boom.
Why have you been abducting people? Ah, can I see you two in my office, please? I've got something to show you.
Parker, you can keep an eye on them.
Are they, are they ghosts, Sarge? - Yes, Parker.
They're ghosts.
- I don't, what the hell? I - Go in there now.
- Ah, look.
Sarge.
OK, they are showing us no respect in, in there.
- Hurry up, Parker.
- Yeah, OK.
- We can talk about it in the office.
- We failed at our job.
OK, ah, so what I think is going on here is that these spirits have been looking for their one surviving mate, Wiremu, and they've been accosting people dressed the same, to see if it's him? - Mmm.
- So we need to find this Wiremu.
Wiremu could be the key in stopping this pattern.
So, we need to talk to these ghosts before they strike again.
One moment.
Sergeant's Log.
We need to talk to these ghosts before they strike again.
I'm gonna get a coffee.
And then we'll go straight up talk to them.
I can't get these stupid bottles off my hands, bro.
Ever since that crash.
Yeah.
I'm surprised we survived the crash.
And then we got owned, bro.
- You think we're dead? - Yeah, Bo.
Hey, G Unit.
Are we dead? Um.
I regret to inform you that you have deceased.
- (LAUGHS) Fail! - Sucks to be us, bro.
Epic Fail.
- Hey.
You know what that means? - What? We're no longer held by physical laws, bro.
Boom! - (LAUGHS) Let's bounce! - Yeah.
No, don't bounce.
You can't bounce.
You can't bounce.
We still need to question you.
BOTH: Boom town.
Where's Boom town? Ah, just be advised, guys.
Something is not right here.
Hey, Parker.
What happened? Where did they go? Oh.
Sarge, they disappeared into the ghost realm.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry about it.
That's OK, Parker.
Ah.
OK, guys, ah.
Let's head towards the city, ah, also we should look out for anyone that looks like them.
Ah, even if they're not ghosts, they're potential kidnap victims.
Boy, these Wallies are elusive.
Ah, I mean, ah, Lost Traveller Glasses Men.
Mmm.
They really are fascinating books, O'Leary.
For instance, did you know that Wally is called something different in every single country? - I did not know that, Minogue.
- Yeah.
In America, he's called Waldo.
In Germany, he's known as Walter.
Guess what he's called in France? - I don't know.
- Charlie.
"Ou est Charlie?" "Voila.
Il ya Charlie.
" Does that look like a legitimate park to you? No.
You don't see that every day.
Come on, Minogue.
There might be casualties.
Come on.
Take the lift.
Which floor? Which floor, do you reckon? - Ah.
Ah.
Five.
- Five? You reckon? Are you sure it wasn't three? We're five.
- (MUZAK PLAYS) - (HUMS) This is like the cable car all over again.
Sometimes you feel like it's quicker to take the stairs.
We should have taken, why didn't we take the stairs? Come on.
Come on.
Excuse me, have you seen some sort of a, ah, vehicle, like a big, did you hear a crash? - Some sort of explosion? - Can you hear that? - What? - Down there.
Down there.
Down there.
So, Officer Minogue and myself have stumbled across quite a serious vehicle incident here.
Um, this van behind us has actually crashed into the Ministry for Motor Vehicle Safety, which is both ironic and actually not very safe at all.
Driver has done a runner, O'Leary.
So, as Minogue just said, any potential suspects appear to have fled the scene.
So we'll just get in there, and ascertain what's gone on here.
There's a ton of evidence in here.
OK, that's good.
Mind your step, there's a lot of debris.
- Minogue? - Look at this stuff.
You need to leave that in there, because that's evidence.
Hold that.
Make a pile of clothes over there.
No, they're not getting in there.
You really shouldn't be getting there, OK.
You should get in there, man.
There's so much cool stuff in here.
- Minogue, can you - Holy.
They've got a Limp Bizkit CD.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS, CHEERING) Excuse me.
Did you see the, that big.
Um, you just carry on.
Thank you.
Come in, Sarge.
It appears Minogue has been abducted by a ghost van containing a number of ghosts.
Ah, copy that, O'Leary.
We'll head to your location now.
Ah, it seems that these ghosts have struck again.
Ah, this time they've kidnapped Minogue.
I'm gonna see if I can get him on the RT.
Minogue, can you hear me? Over.
- (CHEERING, LAUGHTER) - Really good, actually.
What do you think is their purpose, Minogue? Why have they taken you? They want to take me to the Sevens.
They're really impressed with my knowledge of Wally.
(WALLIES TALK AT ONCE) That's not my name.
Look, Minogue, I believe these guys don't want to just take you to the Sevens.
They want to take you to the after party in the sky.
Do not go with them.
I repeat.
Do not go with them.
I'm already with them.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS) Ah, I believe that Wiremu still resides in Wellington, Upper Hutt to be precise.
So, ah, you and Parker, go and track down this Wiremu, and tell him what's going on.
I'm going to contact the spirits via Minogue, and tell them to let him go.
Copy that.
- Hey, Sarge.
- Mmm.
Ah, did you get my application for the room in your flat? Ah, yes.
I did.
And was it successful? Ah, no.
Sorry, Parker.
That, ah, room has gone to somebody else.
I've got quite a bit of whiteware that I could - Ah, not.
- You know, yeah.
Like I, like I said, Parker.
The room has already gone.
Um.
If I just add an extra hundred dollars.
Look, look, ah, Parker.
I've, I've already consulted with Tinkles.
Your loss.
I beg to differ.
Gosh, it's good, eh? I feel like I'm the new Minogue.
I kind of am, in a way, eh? I wonder if I will become the new Minogue.
Hey, who, am I? Who am I being? Hi, I'm Minogue.
My brother is Adam, and he makes salads for me for lunch.
Are you being Minogue? Yes, I am.
You got it.
Yeah.
People don't often get my impersonations.
So what I've started doing is saying.
"Hi, I'm.
" and then I say the name of the person that I'm impersonating, and that usually gives them enough clues to know who I'm impersonating.
- I'll try another one on you.
- No.
It's OK.
Hi.
I'm a duck.
Who was that? Did you just say, "I'm a duck"? - Mmm.
- (RAPPING ON DOOR) - Hello.
- Are you Wiremu? - Yeah.
- Yeah, ah, kia ora, Wiremu.
Um, I'm Officer O'Leary.
This is Officer Parker.
Um, do you mind if we come in? Ah, what, what, what's this about? Um, I think you might be able to help us, in regards to the kidnapping of my partner by some former associates of yourself.
Oh.
Do you live here by yourself? Yeah.
Mmm.
Um, look, so we have reason to believe that your six mates who unfortunately died and passed away on their way to the Wellington Sevens, back in 2001, have actually come back but in ghost form.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
And, they've kidnapped my partner, because they're missing one element of their group, and that's you.
Eh? Um, you, you might want to sit down.
I'm so sorry.
I, I just tried to block that part of my life out.
And, I really should have been there with them, but then I, I would have been dead.
But that's just what people say in situations like that.
Yeah.
I mean, look.
End of the day, we just need your help to bring them in.
Hey, are there two bathrooms here? Well, there's actually.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
Well, we just really need to focus right now.
OK? Because I'm living with my mum at the moment, but the bathroom.
O'Leary, I've got a situation.
I'm in the ghost van, ah, these guys have given my scrumpy hands, and now they think I'm their friend Wiremu.
OK.
Minogue, tell them that I've found the real Wiremu.
OK? I'm with him right now at 12 Wairoa Crescent, Upper Hutt.
Hey, guys.
My mate is calling from Upper Hutt.
- Mate? - She found the real Wiremu.
(KNOCKS AT DOOR) What's that? Is that them now? - I'm not sure.
- We could pretend we're not here.
We're not going to do that, Parker.
This is going to be strange, isn't it? It's quite, just a little bit peculiar.
Maybe.
But that's, it's, we're here for you.
OK? Do you have a heat pump here? - There's actually.
- Parker.
Oh, sorry.
How did you get here so quickly? - It's a ghost van.
- Oh.
- But where are the others? - Um.
- Wiremu? - Oh.
You look different.
I was gonna, I was gonna say that you guys, kind of, look the same, almost.
- You ate all the pies, then.
- Yeah.
Hey, we've been looking all over for you, Wizza.
Hey, let's grab a feed before we go to the Sevens, bro.
Wiremu, you're gonna have to tell them you can't accompany them.
OK? - Shall we get a feed? - OK.
You've got this.
O'Leary, can you help me with my scrumpy hands? No.
Not right now.
OK? Hey, is this a good area to live in? For you? - Hey, guys.
- Hey, guys.
Guys, excuse me.
Wiremu wants to talk to you guys, please.
Come in.
Gather round.
So, twenty years ago you guys were on your way to the Sevens, right? And you crashed into a van full of sexy crayons.
The van then jettisoned off a bypass and into a building, and, that's when you guys all, died.
- Wait, what? I don't.
- Yeah, no.
Stop.
- Forgot, we forgot to say.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
We, we're dead.
- ALL: Oh.
Fail.
I was in a bar talking to a girl, and.
ALL: Ooh! And that's why I missed the pickup, which is why I'm alive.
I'm sorry.
Did you get with the girl from the bar? - We got married.
- (ALL CHEER) Yeah, yeah.
And, and now we're divorced.
But I, I get the teenage kids, ah, on, on the weekends.
So it's.
- Yuck.
- I can't think of anything worse.
It actually sounds like my worst nightmare.
That sounds like a hellish existence.
- It's better than being dead.
- Ah, debatable.
Um.
Sounds like you need a night out, though.
To the Wellington Sevens.
(ALL CHEER) I'm I'm gonna step in here and, sorry to inform you guys, but the, ah, Sevens aren't actually in Wellington anymore.
- OK? They've been moved to Hamilton.
- Hamilton.
That sucks.
The chlamydia capital? Oh, no.
That, well, that's actually contestable, because Palmerston North is right up there as well.
- That's true.
- I saw that coming.
Let's go to Hamilton then.
Oh, I, I'm not gonna go.
Why? Is it because your new life is super depressing? No.
It's because you're dead and I'm alive.
OK? ALL: Ooh! Insensitive.
I mean, can we at least get a photo together? Yeah.
We could take it on my cellphone.
- That's a tiny computer! - (WALLIES CHEER, LAUGH) Wiremu! Wiremu! Let's get a photo with the van.
(ALL LAUGH, CHEER) Three, two, one.
(ALL CHEER) Should probably have told them they cancelled the Hamilton Sevens this year.
Nah.
Oh, dicks.
Sorry for your loss.
Mmm.
Um, so all in all the night was actually a success, other than the ghosts obviously having to go to Hamilton.
That's bad news for Hamilton, and bad news for the ghosts.
Mmm, all these years I've been wondering where's Wally, and perhaps I should have been wondering how's Wally.
Well, it's Lost Travelling Glasses Man.
- Man.
- Mmm.
Check, ah, who, am I? Um.
I'm Officer O'Leary.
It's certainly not optimal.
It's her.
- He's doing you.
- Yeah.
- That sounds nothing like me.
- Pretty good.
It's pretty good.
- What? - It's close.
- You do it then.
- But just.
- Down here, yeah.
- I'm Officer O.
I'm Officer O'Leary.
- Grrr.
- I'm Officer Parker!