Wonder Woman (1976) s03e04 Episode Script

The Fine Art of Crime

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to thank all of you for attending this preview of my upcoming show.
Actually, I do prefer to call it a reception because, as you can see, there are some people who have just arrived, and I do want you to meet them.
It's quite possible that you have met some of them before at some time or another because they come from all walks of life all marches of time.
They are those members of humanity at perhaps whom you have always wished to stare.
Or examine.
Or scrutinize, in an attempt to experience what it's like to live their lives.
You won't be sorry you came with me.
Even if it did take six phone calls.
Seven.
Wait till you see this guy's work.
I'm doing a term paper on the Henry Roberts statues.
So far I've just seen pictures of them, but now I get to see them up close.
They're so realistic they will blow your socks off.
And may I suggest, "Here we Stand.
" Gentlemen? They look so real.
Look at the detail! The hair, the fingernails, the wrinkles.
Yet these are statues, Diana.
Can you believe it? He is a genius.
- I'm sorry.
- It's quite all right.
No harm done.
Not even a dent.
Mr.
Roberts, I've got to know how you make these statues.
And I'm afraid I have got to keep that a secret.
But I'm doing a term paper on your statues Harold, I don't think that's going to impress him.
Bingo.
Of course, it's because they are so lifelike that critics put them down.
Art seeks to interpret life, not merely to imitate it.
Harold, I've enjoyed the art lecture but I've got to go.
Surely you won't leave now, when we've finally had a chance to talk, Ms Prince.
Diana Prince.
And I really do have to go.
I found your work so intriguing that I'm 15 minutes late already.
You stay and talk.
I'll get the car and bring it around.
Butter him up.
Try to make him tell you his technique.
Harold? I drove.
Car's in the shop.
Tell me is Senator Farnum's son your usual escort? There are many words I could use to describe Harold.
"Usual" is by no means one of them.
Excuse me, but I know for a fact that this isn't your car.
Well, one of us made a mistake.
You.
Hey, look.
Start marching.
Come on.
Go to the left.
Go.
Whatever you plan to do with me, you're not gonna get away with it.
I know Diana Prince.
She's not gonna like what you did to her car.
Or whatever you plan do to me.
You hear me? Harold, you chump.
Some guy pulled a gun on Harold Farnum and left a poem in your car? "One of several missing treasures Number nine as of today "Find the method to this madness For I'm soon to steal away" Real catchy.
Has Ira taken a look at this? He scanned it for fingerprints, tried to trace those letters, nothing.
Well, one thing we know for sure is that whoever left this in your car has been stealing art objects and wants to brag about it.
What is this glass bowl? Have you checked it out? It's a famous Hollenbeck crystal.
It was stolen about two weeks ago from a private collector in Alexandria.
But Ira did come up with a list of names - people who might know where it is.
- A list of fences? He says our most likely candidate is one Shubert Goring, down on St.
Paul.
I'll give him your regards if the charade that I'm gonna play works.
Wait a minute, Diana.
We could let the police handle this.
Yes, but we were the ones who were tipped off to these robberies.
Not the police, not the FBl, but us.
That's exactly what worries me.
Well, don't let it worry you.
I can take care of myself.
Looks like a garage sale.
Hey, Harv, how are you? All right.
Looking good.
Use the three iron.
Better.
Hello, how are you? Don't bother, fellas.
I can manage myself.
Well, Diana Prince got her message.
No thanks to that Farnum kid.
- He ID'd you? - No big deal.
Maybe it's a good thing that you'll be on field assignment as of this afternoon.
- Usual bonus? - $15,000.
What am I this time? You are a disgruntled housepainter.
What about the N.
I.
M.
unit? Built into these glasses.
Here, see.
This should work.
Very nice.
Study this.
$15,000.
Somebody's out front.
They're asking about the Hollenbeck bowl.
- Police? - No.
Some lady.
Yes, but Incredible how lifelike she is, isn't it? I'm not really into statues, Mr.
Goring.
I'm into crystal.
As in Hollenbeck.
My employer is ready to pay you $85,000 to take it off your hands.
His name is Bob Bertilucci.
Mr.
Bertilucci's fondness for fine art is well known.
What is not well known is that he went into hiding in Brazil five months ago.
You should see his phone bills.
I have.
Let me see the crystal, Mr.
Goring.
Or are you going to tell me that you don't have it? I'll see what I can do.
Excuse me.
- There's something funny about that girl.
- I agree.
- Then why are you getting the bowl out? - Why not? After all, the poor girl is going to have such a terrible accident on her way home.
The crystal! It's been stolen! Stolen? From you? - You're a fence! - What is the world coming to? Up.
Wait, she's coming down.
Diana Prince is making a phone call.
To the police, I think.
- Come on, man.
- I'm trying.
If you insist.
You know what this means, don't you? You're going to have to walk to the police station.
Surprise.
- Happy birthday, my sweet.
- Tad, oh, Taddie.
An original Henry Roberts statue.
I've wanted one ever so long.
I commissioned Henry Roberts personally.
I gave him exact specifications.
Doesn't it look a bit familiar? - Why, it's Mr.
Bancroft.
- Right.
That's just how he looked when I made him do the living room over for the fourth time.
- He never did get the color right.
- Don't you like it? I adore it, Taddie.
This will be a birthday I shall never forget.
Ira, is this the list you promised me? Affirmative.
It describes 10 art objects, including the bowl all of which were stolen under suspiciously similar circumstances.
In each case, there were no windows broken, no locks destroyed no sign of forcible entry at all.
Each case would indicate an inside job.
Ira, have you been watching gangster movies again? Of course not.
Only Kojak reruns.
Looks like the same M.
O.
was used to steal a painting of a lion worth $90,000.
A statue of a goat worth $75,000, a modern art piece, another sculpture.
- Here's another one.
- Affirmative.
It is advisable that you investigate the tenth theft that of the ram medallion, which occurred last night.
Ira, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Now here's another word for you.
"Bye.
" Good afternoon, Mr.
Roberts.
I still have no intention of telling you how I make my statues.
You don't have to.
I've figured out the materials- I don't care.
- At least listen and tell me if I'm close- - What is wrong with you? You seem to speak English, but you do not seem to understand it.
I'll not tell you.
Hold on a second.
I'm doing a term paper on your statues! - What a pain in the- - Now, now, Henry.
Mr.
Farnum's persistence is not to be discouraged.
Had he not insisted that Diana Prince accompany him to your opening we wouldn't be running ahead of schedule.
Do you know how many telephone calls I ignored from him yesterday? - Ten.
- I believe his record is 14.
I take it you have acquired the ram medallion? How much do we fence it for? It's worth $100,000, so start at $75,000.
Go no less than $60,000.
- Epperly will take care of it.
- Three more days, Henry and then no art piece we acquire will be anything less than priceless.
My birthday.
Of all the days some dreadful person could have picked to ruin my life.
We paid $7,428 to install an alarm system in here and we heard absolutely nothing last night.
I never thought I'd hear myself badmouth the free enterprise system but it does give you pause, doesn't it? Well, what does really give me pause is that out of a whole room of expensive objects the ram medallion was the only thing that was stolen.
It was your cousin Marvin.
He stole it.
- He always had his eye on that medallion.
- Now, now, pumpkin.
Please forgive her.
She's very upset.
- Yesterday was- - Her birthday, yes, I know.
Hello? Yes, I suppose.
- It's for you.
- Thank you.
Excuse me.
You'd think we were running an answering service.
- Hi, Diana.
- Got anything? What I've got are no fingerprints no broken locks or windows and no $100,000 medallion.
How about you? Well, you know those men that Wonder Woman brought in? Goring's men? - Yeah.
- One of them made a deal with the police.
Fingered a man that he's pretty sure is gonna fence the stolen art objects.
His name is Carmichael Goodman.
Runs an art supply store down on Gaylord.
Could be our thief will try to get the medallion to Goodman today.
- You better keep an eye on him.
- Will do.
Diana, by the way Harold Farnum tried to call you eight times this morning.
- That's nothing.
His record is 14.
- I believe it.
- I'll talk to you later, Steve.
- All right.
Bye.
Well, Mr.
Goodman you are about to grow another shadow.
Looking for Mr.
Goodman? Hold it! Stay put, Mr.
Goodman.
I'm in trouble.
Give me five seconds, then freeze me.
Col.
Trevor.
- Harold Farnum.
We met once, last year.
- Oh, yes.
- How did you get up here? - They gave me clearance downstairs.
I told them I'm doing a little business for my father.
I see.
Well, Diana isn't here.
I know.
I've been trying to reach her since 8:00 this morning.
Why don't you leave a note for her downstairs? I came about something else.
Look at this, Colonel.
"Romulus and Remus.
" Two Roberts statues commissioned by the Italian Government? I don't see what this has to do with the IADC.
That's not the point.
You see, I'm doing a term paper on Henry Roberts' statues.
Try the library.
No, I'm trying to find out exactly what they're made of.
- Then ask Henry Roberts.
- I have, believe me.
I wanna take all the information I have, like the picture of the twins here.
I got the picture of the fisherman.
This is the lady reading a book.
Have you seen any of these? Yes, I've seen them.
I wanna take all the information I've gathered, feed it into your computer and see if he can come up with what they're made of.
- You want to use the computer? - Yeah.
That's impossible.
But Diana said that Ira could figure it out in no time.
- Harold, get off my back.
- What is that? That's our roving computer module.
Excuse me.
- Thanks, Rover.
- Don't mention it.
- Computer module? Hold on a second.
- Rover? Anything else? Rover, this is Harold Farnum.
Senator Farnum's son.
I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot of him around here.
I'd like to have you commit his voice pattern to your memory circuit.
Say something, Harold.
Hi, Rover.
What do you say? - What did he say? - No telling.
Getting back to the I.
R.
A.
C.
computer I'm afraid IADC policy strictly forbids it.
But I know all about computers.
I took a course last semester.
Keypunch, you name it.
I know it all.
Harold, that's not the point.
The point is, it costs approximately $100 per minute for even me to use it.
I couldn't possibly justify you using it to research a term paper, could I? I guess not.
Well, thanks, Col.
Trevor.
Harold, I'm sorry.
Listen, I'll tell Diana that you were in to see her.
She'll be delighted.
Thanks.
Delighted she missed you.
Rover.
- This is Harold Farnum.
- I know.
- Take me to the I.
R.
A.
C.
computer.
Got it? - The I.
R.
A.
C.
computer? - Yes, take me to the I.
R.
A.
C.
computer.
- Okay, follow me.
- The computer is in here? - That's right.
Thanks, Rover.
I'll return the favor someday.
Don't mention it.
I guess there's only one thing left for me to do.
Sorry to take my problems out on you, buddy but if I don't get an A on that term paper, I'll never pledge Pi Chi Psi.
The only way to get an A is to find out exactly how you guys are put together.
And since nobody will tell me, I'll have to do my own little analysis.
I wonder what kind of surgery Marcus Welby would call this.
I didn't I was just How did you do I'll just be leaving, if it's all right.
Nothing.
Another dead end.
All Carmichael Goodman could tell Wonder Woman was that he was going to try to fence the medallion for a man named Ed Epperly.
The man who got away.
I had him checked out with the police and came up with a big, fat zero.
- So here we are back at square one.
- Correction.
Here you are at square one.
Me, I'm going home.
Somehow, a nice, quiet, boring evening in front of the TV sounds awfully good right now.
- Yeah.
I know the feeling.
- Good night.
Now.
The lab boys are gonna have to do something about your sneak attacks.
Sorry about that.
- You got my coffee? - I forgot the coffee.
Well, what do you have? From Ira, I take it.
"The I.
R.
A.
C.
computer must speak with Steve Trevor.
" Tell your boss I'll be in right after I finish a few things here.
- Now.
He wants to see you now.
- Well, go on.
Tell him.
I'll just bet Ira programmed you not to move unless I came with you.
You guessed it.
I'm gonna have a real long talk with those lab boys.
- Okay, Ira.
What do you got? - Good morning, Steve Trevor.
For some reason, I haven't had my coffee this morning so let's dispense with the pleasantries, get down to business.
A matter of great importance has been called to the attention of the I.
R.
A.
C.
computer by POLISY.
- By who? - The Police Intelligence System.
Its computer has recorded another art theft.
Where? A solid gold statue worth $125,000 Was stolen last night from the Putney Museum.
Same M.
O.
as the other thefts, I take it? No broken Windows, no signs of forced entry.
Must be an inside job.
Have you been Watching gangster movies again, Steve Trevor? Very funny.
I better get Diana over there right away.
You took the words right out of my mouth.
You don't have a mouth.
Goodbye.
And as for you, coffee, cream, no sugar, five minutes.
And a half a grapefruit.
What did you do to me? Suspended your animation, Mr.
Farnum.
Electronically and most effectively.
All of Henry's so-called statues are, as you are about to discover flesh and blood individuals delicately frozen by a minute stream of electrons controlled by a neuro-impulse modulator developed by that brilliant neurophysiologist, Robert Henderson.
Presently known to his friends as Henry Roberts.
Who are you? Lloyd Moreaux, patron of the arts, and soon to be much more.
Yeah, look, my father's a senator.
Yes, I've met him.
Fine fellow.
Well, I've got other connections, too.
You mess with me, you mess with the IADC.
That is precisely what I was counting on.
Diana Prince has even bigger connections.
When she figures out what you- Never you mind, Mr.
Farnum.
That's just what I was hoping to hear.
Henry? Let's make sure that Ms.
Prince does indeed figure it out, shall we? - I trust you know how to get to the IADC? - Yes, sir.
Put him away.
"Your time runs out at midnight I'm surprised at you, Ms.
Prince "If you don't break the cycle soon You'll never have the chance" The total value of the stolen artworks is more than $2 million.
If Wonder Woman hadn't recovered that medallion our thief would be on his way to making it $3 million.
Whoever he is, he's sure eager we don't forget it.
Both of his riddles indicate that he's stealing these artworks in some kind of a pattern.
Whatever the pattern is, it's about to end.
That's about all we've been able to figure out.
Which is why I have no choice but to consult Mr.
Personality in here.
- Care to join me? - No, thanks.
I have no desire to make a bad day even worse.
Coward.
Circuits C5 through D7 are overheating.
Come on, Ira.
We've not been at it that long.
We have been at it for two hours, Diana Prince.
I need a lube job.
Okay, we'll go onto something else.
What about the second riddle? Why would the thief want to emphasize the word "midnight"? Perhaps he was referring to 12:00.
Twelve.
He's stolen 11 objects I bet he means the pattern ends with the twelfth.
A logical conclusion.
So, what pattern is composed of 12 elements? The word "chance " could be significant.
Chance.
Let's see.
He's stolen a still life of scales, a jade scorpion a mosaic entitled Centaur Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius.
That's it.
All are symbols of the Zodiac.
That's right.
And if the last thing he stole was a bull Next in sequence would be twins, the symbol for Gemini.
Twins.
Romulus and Remus.
Those Henry Roberts statues that were supposed to be sent to Rome next month.
the thief's grand finale.
Thank you, Ira.
I am off to catch a thief.
A word of caution, Diana Prince.
The thief obviously wanted the IADC to reach this conclusion.
His or her reasons are still unknown.
I'm aware of that, Ira.
That's why I intend to go as And be very careful.
Bye.
Even Wonder Woman cannot be too careful, Diana Prince.
Okay.
What is this all about? It is about your demise, Wonder Woman.
Your carefully planned, eagerly anticipated demise.
Welcome to my museum.
So, you lured me here purposely? It was all a plan.
The art thefts, the poems.
All were part of an intricate choreography.
We knew that if we involved the IADC, you would ultimately be involved.
Diana Prince warned me that there was more to all this than met the eye.
Which is why, upon solving my riddle she sent you here rather than coming herself with the police.
How boringly predictable of her.
Speaking ofboring, why am I here? You are about to become my latest work of art.
Several people know that my mentor here plans to open his Putney exhibit by unveiling a statue of Wonder Woman.
I shall be there for the unveiling, as will you, Wonder Woman.
This will produce an electrical signal which will place you in a state of suspended animation.
Forever.
No, thank you.
I have two of my own, just like it.
After I destroy this you're going to tell me who you are, and where you are.
Wait, Wonder Woman.
- Harold? - Mr.
Farnum is unable to answer.
In fact, right now, Mr.
Farnum is unable to do much of anything.
Let him go.
After the N.
I.
M.
unit is placed on your wrist.
Right now.
Right now, I can put an end to all of Mr.
Farnum's vital functions.
Would you like that, Wonder Woman? - You win.
- I won the day I planned this.
The rest was simply a matter of time.
Now, let's see.
Hands on your hips, I think.
Yes, that's it.
And now, smile.
Smile the smile you would like to wear through eternity.
Because wear it through eternity you shall.
Henry, say goodbye to the one person in the world who could have stood between us and everything in the world worth stealing.
They do take rather a long time.
I think it's worth it, don't you? Would you excuse me? Ladies and gentlemen.
I want to say that I am deeply honored that so many of you have chosen to attend this formal opening of my new show.
And so, to honor you, my latest and hopefully my best creation.
If you please.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
May I have your attention? As you know, I've supported Henry's work for three years now helped him monetarily and spiritually as he struggled to perfect his technique.
But whatever debt he may have incurred is now forgotten.
For I, through him, have created a masterpiece.
His statue captures the very heart and soul of the great lady it depicts as Wonder Woman herself would have to admit.
Reel him in.
What a familiar voice you have, Mr.
Moreaux.
- You tricked me.
- I had to find out who you were, somehow.
But I was sure the modulator would work, even on you.
It may very well have worked if I hadn't switched it for one of my own bracelets.
That wasn't part of the choreography.
Neither was your returning Harold Farnum and those other statues to normal.
But that's precisely what you're about to do.
Shall we? So Moreaux figured out how to combine Roberts' knowledge of electronics with his own knowledge of art so they could make a killing.
Bad choice of words.
Unfortunately, you stumbled onto their plan to remove Wonder Woman.
One good thing about what those guys did to me is it gave me a lot of time to think.
Which I did.
Mostly about us.
Us? - What are you doing tomorrow? - As in night? There's a party at the fraternity I'm going to pledge.
The college - What? - My term paper! I don't have a topic anymore and it's due in three days.
Diana, I'm gonna have to work on that paper tomorrow night.
Listen, I understand.
But I'll make it up to you, I will.
I promise.
No hurry, Harold.
No hurry.
English
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