Ally Mcbeal s03e05 Episode Script

I don't know.
I suppose it's no big deal.
Women change hair color all the time.
But when men do it, it's usually a sign of some crisis.
Please! Billy is not even capable of a crisis.
He has the personality of a nail -- minus the sharp end.
Haven't you learned to look under the stall doors yet, Ling? It's not like I was saying anything nice.
Ling! She didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Billy.
Show me the boo-boo.
Let me kiss it.
I'm getting tired of that, too, Nelle.
Tired of what? Treating me like some Beanie Baby.
Is it to titillate me, or it's just to offend Georgia? Oh, gee.
Let's see, uhGeorgia is not hereit must be to titillate you.
You want to turn me on, Nelle? Try acting a little older than a high school sophomore.
How's this? Junior.
Think he's having an affair? No.
I think he might want to, though.
Do you? We don't even know each other's last names.
That probably has something to do with it.
Makes it more exotic.
What's he thinking, your husband? You're going out every night.
Does he know you're coming to a bar? I don't know.
I told him I need space.
Part of me wishes he'd follow me, catch me talking to a handsome man.
You know, we've never talked about your marriage.
What does your wife think of your coming here? Oh, she thinks I'm just, uh working late, which It's getting late.
I should go.
See you tomorrow? Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.
I forgot! Friday? You have a date.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Sorry.
You probably need that.
If he were to catch you kissing another man, that would make him jealous.
You think? ³×ÀÌÆ® µå ó¸ 24 µ¿È£È¸ ¹ÛÀ¸·ÎÀÇ À¯ÃâÀ» »ï°¡ÇØÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¢ÜThere's a new man in town, and he's not fooling around Anybody know where I can get a turkey? You've already got one.
Look there.
What's he doing? You don't have a turkey? I forgot tomorrow's Thanksgiving.
You forgot? How can a wife forget Thanksgiving? It's only the biggest cooking day of the year.
How often does a woman really get a chance to shine outside the bed? What? Seriously, c-can you get them cooked or something? I'm in a jam.
It's Bleach-Head's favorite holiday.
Come to my house.
No.
No, no.
I'm having a kind of a party anyway.
My folks, Elaine, Nelle and John.
Renee invited Whipper.
What's two more? Well No, you're coming.
Settled.
Ally? Richard,.
.
, wh-what are you two doing? Well, it's just the two of us.
We'll get through it? The day goes quick.
Would you like to join us? -Great! -We'd love to! Do we have to bring anything? No.
-It'll be fun! -Great! They're coming? Is it a problem? I, I mean, I thought that you and Richard were on friendly terms now.
No, no, we're fine, but is Thing coming? Oh yeah.
Hello! -Hey! -Hi! Wow! I can smell the fire! Happy Thanksgiving! Oh Hey! What's that? We always do Christmas numbers.
So, I thought it'd be a nice tradition if we did a few Thanksgiving songs.
Plus, your parties always need a little help.
They do not! I'm hungry! She's here? Ling! -All right! -Ling! What did I ever do to you? Could I ask you that? They're already fighting.
We're not fighting, Elaine.
I'm merely trying to discover the root of this woman's bitterness.
Talk to me about roots! Oh, is it because your major muscles can only contract for five seconds, tops? And even at that, your little throat pops a polyp? You told her about my orgasms? I might, I might have mentioned, uh Look.
If we're going to fight Uh, you don't live here.
You don't make rules.
Renee! She's welcome to stay and eat, but not make rule.
That's enough! We're here! Let me fill you in.
Whipper disparaged Ling's orgasms.
Nelle and Renee have already bared teeth, and John's off to poughkeepie Hey! It is Thanksgiving! Maybe I should do a number.
No!!! Hi.
Hi, honey! Hey! Mom.
Where is Dad? Oh, he's, he's parking the car.
He's on his way.
Mom, uh, these are my friends.
Uh w-well, you know Billy.
-And uh, this is, uh -Billy? Is that you? Well, well it's, it's, it's the New Billy.
It's great to see you again, Mrs.
McBeal.
Oh, you too.
It's been so long.
All right.
All right, all right, all right, Mother! All right! This is, uh, Georgia, his wife.
He married her.
Oh, hi.
And you know Renee.
-And Elaine, Whipper -Hi.
That's Nelle, John and this is Ling and, I think that you remember Richard Fish from school.
Oh? Yeah, he's, he's the boy who kept touching my neck.
-Uh, uh, bygones.
-Excuuuse me? No, you, you fingered my mother's wattle? I, I might have grazed it.
I'm starved You told me that my neck started your fetish! -It, it did, uh, uh, really -That was for ancient wattle.
I bet you're threatened by the turkey.
-Oh, radish! -Hello! Hello! Dad! He-he-hey! Hi, sweetheart.
-Hi! Here let me -Oh, that's all right.
I got it.
I would take a kiss, though.
Hey, George! Hey, Billy! What happened to your head? Oh, it's the New Billy! All right, Ally.
Uh, I want to introduce you to my wife.
Georgia? Oh Dad, wh-what, what's wrong? What? Oh God, I thought You look exactly like the daughter of a client.
Huh, freaky.
Come on, come on! Stuffing's in there.
It's got to be heated.
-All right.
All right.
Mom, I can do it.
-Come on!"I can do it"? I'll help you.
Georgia? What? You okay? Fine.
I'm penile psychic.
Something's up.
I, I didn't do anything, I swear.
I wasn't talking about you.
¢ÜYeah, yeah, tell me about a pig now ¢ÜA pig is an animal with dirt on his face, his shoes are a terrible disgrace ¢ÜHe got no manners when he eats his food, he's fat and lazy and extremely rude ¢ÜAnd if you don't give a feather or a fig, you might grow up to be a pig! Ally, where's the bathroom? You can use the one in my room.
Who is next? Georgia.
I don't believe this.
I do not Calm down.
Every man I kiss turns out to be from her past.
All it was is a kiss.
Which we put behind us as of right now.
It's over.
It's certainly not anonymous anymore.
Let's just forget it.
I got to sit through a turkey dinner, looking at Ally's father whose tongue was in my mouth, while my bleach-head husband is out there singing karaoke! Georgia, it's not a crisis.
We sat next to each other in a bar.
We kissed.
Pretty good kiss.
Y-you two, you kissed? li-like, like man and woman? Y-y-you two I, uh, didn't know that she was a friend of yours.
I, I certainly didn't know that he was your father.
Well, I guess we could call this getting even, couldn't we, Georgia? -Ally Could you please get out? I need to talk to my father.
You cheat on Mom? It was a kiss in a bar.
That wasn't my question.
Do you cheat on Mom? Do you have affairs? You know, Ally I asked you a question! And I don't owe you an answer.
Oh, you don't owe me an answer? While you were my daughter living at my house, maybe I did.
I'm not your daughter anymore? W-w-will you let me here -No.
I'm not your daughter anymore? -Will you just let me finish? While you were growing up living at home, I was completely faithful to your mother.
Since you left, I had one affair -- yes.
Three years ago.
It lasted about six month.
There's the answer to your question.
And what? It's less of a betrayal to Mom, when I'm not living at home? It's less of a betrayal to you.
Give me a break, Dad.
-No, why don't you give me a break? -No no no, you know, you don't get one! You have affairs on Mom.
You kiss Georgia in bars.
You don't get a break.
Sorry! Great.
Anybody else who hasn't heard? I didn't quite Ou-ou-out! I can catch up later.
No, no.
Why don't we just catch everybody up now? Billy, your wife evidently kissed my husband in a bar last night.
That's what all the yelling's about.
Turkey should be almost done.
Mistake to let her carve.
Elaine, get out of my house.
I didn't kiss anybody.
Just everybody go.
Just get out.
Thanksgiving is over! Go! Ally, can I help, or, or ? Richard, I would really just appreciate it if you would just leave.
Okay.
Uh, can we take the bird? Yes.
Take the turkey, whatever.
Thanks.
Get the bird.
Well, Billy, who would have figured? Your wife, my father Ally? Go.
Come on, John.
Well, maybe you should come with me.
You know, we can go out and get something to eat.
Give them some time alone.
Good idea.
I'll get my coat.
I'm leaving, too.
No.
Mom, you're staying.
You, me and Dad are staying.
Uh, Ally, is there pie? Richard, get out.
Going.
Invite people over? Yeah.
Could, could you get the the wine? Bring it, bring it with you.
It was no affair this time.
I was sitting in a bar Oh, I thought you don't drink.
I wouldn't expect you to understand.
No no! No no no, want me to! That my-wife-doesn't-understand-me card works too well at bars with young blondes! You said it wasn't an affair this time -Does she know about the other time? -The other time? Yes.
And I know about hers.
As you can see from our loving demeanor, we both put it totally behind us.
You had an affair, too? Well, not with any of your friends.
-Funny.
-Mom, you cheated on Dad? You know, we don't have to talk about this.
Mom, we are talking about it.
I had one little, tiny, retaliatory fling after I found out about his.
I don't even consider it an affair.
-Mine's an affair, but yours -I wasn't emotionally involved! You know, maybe I don't want to hear.
Oh, yeah.
With you, it was just sex to you.
-Is that it? -Okay! -I, I didn't even spend a night after -But me? --You were involved! -You carried on with another man! -I carried on only with a penis! A man just happened to be attached.
But mine, of course you can't consider that? -¢Ü£Á£Â£Ã£Ä -Would you stop singing the Alphabet? You said you wanted to talk! Well, I changed my mind.
No.
You should hear this, Ally.
You're almost thirty years old.
It's time you finally take your head out of your little Romeo and Juliet idea of, of reality.
And face up to the fact that sometimes life is hard.
Mom, Romeo and Juliet ended up dead! Did you not read the book? Or do you happen to think that they got off light? Well, maybe they did.
You know, they got to check out still believing in love.
I would think you would like that ending! You don't believe in love? Is that what you're telling me? You two don't love each other? Of course, we do.
Mom? We love each other, Ally.
What happened to you people? Ally, you know, why don't you just stay inside your dream universe.
There's obviously something to it, if you can still I don't live in a dream universe, Mom! Sometimes I just retreat to it! No, well, the problem is, you think of it as a reality.
Well, you see, I don't.
No.
A dream world is when I walk into my bedroom and close my eyes and see a unicorn.
Reality is walking into your parents' room as a three-year-old child and seeing you in bed with another man.
I know the difference! Well, what do you think? I don't remember? Dad, do-do you know about that one? Don't make fun of my fantasy life, Mom.
You inspired it.
-¢ÜLida Rose,I'm home again, Rose, to get the sun back in the sky -¢ÜDream of now, dream then -¢ÜLida Rose, I'm home again, Rose, about a thousand kisses shy -¢ÜDream of a love song that might have been -¢ÜDo I love you, oh yes, I love you -¢ÜDing dong ding, I can hear the chapel bell chime ¢ÜAnd I'll bravely tell you, but only when Hey.
Can I talk to you? I did have a, uh a brief affair when you were three years old.
It wasn't because I didn't love your father.
I don't want to hear about it.
I'd like to talk to you.
Too bad.
You had your chance twenty-six years ago.
Yeah, well maybe I did.
But your father was just so consumed with his career, and I was so alone.
Fine.
Got it.
You were alone.
Reason given.
You know, all your life, I don't believe I've ever asked you for help.
I'm asking for it now.
Why? What do you need my help for? Your father just asked for a divorce.
-¢ÜPraise Him above, -Why does she have to sing grace? -¢ÜPraise Him above,ye heavenly host -¢ÜPraise Father, Son and Holy Ghost -If you could just let her get it over with.
I'm surprised you could be so patient.
Of all us here, you have the least time left.
Ling! That does it! Is she leaving? Richard, in private.
Can we just eat, damn it? We need to talk.
It was twenty-six years ago! Exactly! It's one thing if we drift apart over time.
-But this was at the beginning -Well, ho-ho-hold on.
How many others? Well, that was the only one! A-aside from the penis attached to the man, which is payback for the affair that you had.
Mine was after the kids were grown and gone.
-All right.
What does that have to do -And you! What me? Why didn't you tell me? I was three.
You obviously knew what you saw! Knew what I saw? I thought that they were playing the horse.
-If you remember, -I was three years old! at some point you figured it out what you didn't tell! Well, I'm glad I didn't, because you would have filed for a divorce! -Which I'm doing now! -D-Dad, come on! This was twenty-six years ago.
We, we don't even know if, ifI mean, was it just an attached penis? Or was it? Mom? No.
No.
This was, this was a man I had fallen in love with.
Well, what happened? Uh I broke it off.
Why? Because I had children.
Well, you're free to go now.
-The kids are grown and gone.
-Dad, why do you keep saying that? Why do we stop being your kids because we have a change of address? Stop being our responsibility.
No, we don't! Now, I am still your daughter, a-and damn it, you have a responsibility to be married happily ever after as long as I am alive! And you are going to sit right there, I am going to call my therapist, and we're all going to talk about this.
All three of us! Last week, you touched my wattle! You told me how much you missed it, and you told me it was more creased than ever before, and I, I let you, I let you go to it! Richard, are you still with her? I don't understand.
-Whi-whipper -What? Wellwell, for companionship or emotional support, there's nobody like you.
You're like a soul mate.
But when it comes to what's really important in a relationship What's really important? Uh, sex.
Sex?? Yes.
That's more important than companionship or emotional support? Yes.
All right.
Just, just for my own education, can you tell me why? Well, I work all day, you know, when I come home, if I come home to a companion or a, a soul mate, I, I could stay up half the night talking, laughing, sharing intimate little moments and, and I'd be too tired for sex.
I see, I see That's why Thing is ? No, no, wh-what you have to understand is, most couples get to a point where they don't even enjoy talking to each other, and the physical relationship dies right along with it.
Now Ling, I don't enjoy talking to her now.
But physically, well, we're good.
Do you think you're fooling me with these Fishisms, Richard? You're afraid again, you've regressed to being the same emotional coward you used to be.
Well, I hope you get what you're looking for with Thing.
But when you do, don't come running to me! Whipper, what's I'm leaving.
Was it something I said? Tell me, so I can write it down! Be quiet, Ling! Richard? You be quiet, too! He just left me alone -- on Thanksgiving day.
Stuffing? I'm so confused.
But let me see if I've got it.
When you were three, you woke up in the middle of the night with an earache, and then, got an eyeful when you went in to see mommy.
Now, some time later, your daddy had an affair, which upset your mommy, who then had a retaliatory fling with a penis connected to a man, after which your daddy kissed Georgia, wife of Billy, who you kissed last year.
And now, your daddy wants to divorce mommy.
Am I on track? Well yes.
Okay.
Now, Daddy, can I call you Daddy? Lots of names come to mind.
Call me George.
And you left out that she was in love with the man she slept with.
Yeah, you didn't know that when you decided to divorce me.
Well, I know it now! Not so fast.
In love with the man attached to the penis or ? They both had them.
She was in love with the one I walked in on when I was three.
I'm leaving.
Dad? Look.
What I'm not getting is: Why is the twenty-six-year-old transgression the one causing all the problem? Exactly.
That was my question.
Yes, thank you.
Have a cookie, and let me talk.
Isn't where you are now what's important? Forget about what happened two decades ago.
Where are you today? Besides all over Georgia.
Where we are now or what we have now is based on a foundation, a history.
And if she was sleeping around back I wasn't sleeping around, it was one man! Whom you fell in love with! Look.
Twenty-six years, we're not going to solve anything, if you all keep bickering among The, the, the, the, the, the point is You're still talking? Well, you never gave me a cookie! We all really need to let me talk! George, you talk about foundation, why is then more important than now? And give us the real answer.
You fell in love with somebody else, Jeannie.
So did you.
Oh, I didn't really love her, and that was twenty years later.
I'm not talking about her.
Well, who? There, there was nobody else.
Yeah, there was.
It may not have been sexual, but you had a love affair that, If it didn't preempt y-your feelings for me, it certainly put them on a shelf.
Who? Wh-who did I love? Look around the room.
It wasn't me.
It wasn't the silly therapist.
M-me? You're jealous of your own daughter? It wasn't that you loved her, George.
I loved her, too.
It was that I lost you! You were gone! I'm so ashamed to admit this.
I would watch the way you'd look at her, the way you'd light up when the two of you hugged.
And I just I so missed the way you you know, you once did that with me.
And when she moved out of the house, I thought that maybe you and I would regain some of the Instead, you just died, inside.
Your eyes went dead, your heart went dead.
She was gone, part of you just died.
And it's been like this.
Slow death.
Maybe it started when Ally came to work with you, I don't know.
So, this is about me and Ally again? No, it isn't.
That's what I'm finally figuring out: You kissing her last year it was more about you and me, just like your bleaching your head.
What does this have to do with you kissing another man? Maybe I, I kissed him to punish your a little.
I admit it.
All this talk about women should be in the home, you strutting around, the New Billy The New Billy makes me want to vomit.
Growing up, people thought I was this Barbie doll.
I have been fighting that one for a long time.
And to hear you say, you basically want to be married to one I didn't say that.
Yeah, you did! Well, I am not that.
I will never be that.
You want out? I have given you your ticket.
You don't even have to be the bad guy, which we know you hate being.
You got your out.
I kissed another man.
So, go ahead.
You can march out with a proud strut.
I was unfaithful.
Uh, maybe maybe we need to take a break from each other.
You're not looking to take a break, Billy.
You're looking to make one.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Every father loves his children.
She's not condemning your love for your daughter.
She's saying that you disappeared when it came to loving her.
And that is just ridiculous! Is it? Dad, y-you draw distinctions about having an affair when I was living in the house, as opposed to after I moved out.
Well, well how is that less of a betrayal to Mom? Oh, you were being the loyal father all this time, instead of the loyal husband -- you didn't want to hurt your children.
And, you know, and earlier, you, you were going on and, and on about how I moved you into the periphery of my life.
And you said it with such hurt.
Did, did I hurt you, Dad? Every father feels a pinch when his children leave home.
It doesn't.
Your daughter asked you a question: Did she hurt you? Did you hurt me? We would talk every day of our lives, and you'd tell me all your dreams and your pains and your fears.
And then, suddenly it stopped.
We stopped.
I, I suddenly, uh I didn't know your life anymore, Ally.
All I knew was that I was no longer in it Yeah, you hurt me.
Is that honest enough for you, Doctor? I think maybe I was af-afraid of disappointing you.
I don't follow.
He said he didn't follow.
I heard him! Disappoint me? Dad, wh-when a sixteen year old tells her father that she's afraid of being alone, she's afraid that nobody will ever love her, she's, she's petrified that she'll fail -- it's, it's, it's probably a little endearing.
And when she's twenty-one, it's understandable.
But when a twenty-seven-year-old lawyer is still feeling all of these things, it's well, well, she's weak.
I mean, she's, she's pathetic, even.
And there came a time when I, I was just too embarrassed to tell you my fears.
You think because you're twenty-seven years old, you're not supposed to be scared any more? This is why she is in therapy.
-Quiet! -Quiet! Look.
There's no problem here.
All I'm seeing is a little pain brought on by two people who have stopped communicating.
Everything is fixable if you two really want to work at it, all right? Now, the two of you, howeverI don't know.
What do you mean, you don't know? Well, we got infidelity, we got emotional abandonment going on for a long time.
You two are a mess.
I mean, there's nothing I can cure with a theme song.
But this I do know: You love Ally more than you love her.
Deny that, and the marriage is dead.
This woman is a wacko.
I want to see her license.
You've got two choices here: You come clean with your wife, or you go back to the bar and pick up girls your daughter's age.
I will not be bullied by this nut! Women are beasts of insecurity, Billy.
It's all about want, want, want.
And if you give them everything you have to give, they learn to want what you can't give.
That's why you withhold.
It keeps them wanting what you have to offer.
You want to keep a woman wanting, you want her to love you forever -- --treat her lousy, withhold, keep her miserable.
Love is finite.
Only misery lasts forever.
Uh, Fishism.
He's not coming back.
He skipped out on Thanksgiving of all days! Turkey was delicious.
Ling, assuming he went to find Whipper, which I must admit is a very real possibility, you seem to be taking it rather well.
Why? Because I ate? A person has to eat to maintain strength, especially in times of emotional crisis.
Plus which, he'll come back to me.
I still know how to snap my finger.
I wouldn't mind a respite till he goes off that Viagra, anyway.
Where's the pie? There's no more food, and we haven't seen Bleach-Head.
I came to see Renee.
Your law firm, you said at some point you might hire new associates.
Are you at that point? I've got a fair amount of portable clients.
Georgia! We'd miss you! -Ling! -Ling! Would you think about it? Sure, I'd think about it.
Thanks.
Your dad went home.
Oh.
Are you looking for a place to sleep? Oh, no.
No no no.
I'll go home.
We'll survive, Ally.
Is that how you characterized your marriage, Mom? It "survived"? No.
There are worse descriptions.
It puts us over the fiftieth percentile.
I'm so sorry, honey.
Well, no child, uh, particularly, a three year old, should have to see what you saw.
I just wish Were you really jealous of me, Mom? Oh, that I'd like to be able to say that I understand, but I Oh, Allyyou know, from the day you were born, there was aa magic to you.
Well, there still is.
It's unbelievable.
Well, the only word I can think of is "magic.
" But when I say that your father's love for me had died, it was Maybe it just became difficult for him to love a woman who was so envious of her own daughter? It's not that I didn't love you, Ally.
I just No, I Do you remember the song that you used to sing with your father? Lida Rose? No, no no.
The other one -- Dulcinea, about loving someone that you've never met or Something, something like that.
Don't you, don't you remember that? Well, sometimes I, I wake up in the middle of the night, and he's not on the bed, and I, I creep down stairs, and I find him at the piano, and he's just he's just singing that song.
Because your father, he never met the love of his life.
I mean, we loved each other.
We, we we do.
You two had no wonder at all? Oh, yeah.
We did.
But she grew up.
She moved away.
And if you only knew how, how how I've longed to be close to you.
Yeah.
Me too.
Well, you know, he has been a a wonderful father to you in so many ways.
But where he's been the most heroic -- -- you know, really in my opinion -- -- is how he's raised you to believe in your dreams, to believe that they'll come true, when they never came true for him.
Well, I think I should go home, and, uh yeah, make him a sandwich, at least.
Well, hey, maybe, maybe you guys can come over at Christmas? Oh, yeah.
That'd be great.
Bye, honey.
Bye.
¢ÜA pig is an animal with dirt on his face; man, he's a terrible disgrace ¢ÜHe's got no manners when he eats his food; he's fat and lazy and extremely rude Sandy! Billy! Hey! Happy Thanksgiving! You too, you too.
I'm out trying to walk off dinner.
I ate too much.
Well, this is the day for it.
Yeah.
Hey, you want to get a cup of coffee? Sure.
Great.
¢ÜBut if you don't care a feather or a fig, you might grow up to be a pig ¢ÜBut if you want to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar ¢ÜAnd be better off than you are; or would you rather be a fish? ¢ÜTo fool the people is his only thought; and though he's slippery, he's still get caught I just prefer to swim in the shallow end, Whip.
Can't drown.
Another Fishism? I just don't see it.
Not with you and me, not with anybody.
M-my, my married friends, they, they all seem to grow angry.
The, the relationships that worked, they seem like worked.
Th-they all have the same ending to me.
So, why go there? I can't answer that for you, Richard.
Is that all you came to say? Well yeah.
Uh, that and, uh yeah.
Good night.
¢ÜAnd if that sort of life is you would wish, all right man, ¢Üyou might grow up to be a fish ¢ÜBut if you want to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar ¢ÜAnd be better off than you are, la la la la la la la la Is everything okay? Oh, yeah.
Spat.
You know, they worked it out, everything is good.
How'd the dinner go? Terrible.
I think Richard is going back with the Whipper.
So, if you want to catch Ling on the rebound Thank you, Renee.
I'll, I'll, pass.
I'm going to go to bed.
Sure you're okay? I'm fine.
Okay.
-Night.
-Night.
¢ÜI have dreamd thee too long ¢ÜNever seen thee or touched thee, but known thee with all of my heart ¢ÜHalf a prayer, half a song ¢ÜYou have always been with me though we have been always apart ¢ÜDulcinea, Dulcinea ¢ÜI have sought thee, sung thee, dreamed thee, Dulcinea ¢ÜAnd your name is like a prayer and angel whispers