Corner Gas (2004) s03e05 Episode Script

Davis, Karen? I want you to meet David and Carol.
David, Carol, Davis and Karen.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
They're gonna be the new Dog River Fire Department.
What about the Volunteer Fire Department? Hello? I can't go to a fire now.
It's 3:30.
This is when I take my afternoon nap.
He was taking the volunteer part too seriously.
You can tell me that your dog ran away Then tell me that it took three days I've heard every joke, I've heard every one you say You think there's not a lot goin' on Look closer, Baby, you're so wrong And that's why you can stay so long Where there's not a lot goin' on Hey, Wanda, have you seen my shades? Shades? Maybe you should ask the Fuzz.
No need to be insulting.
I wasn't being insulting.
I just didn't think anybody still used the word "shades," Jive Turkey.
Apology accepted.
Hey, Lacey.
This is David and Carol.
They're Dog River's new Fire Department.
Oh, hi there.
Welcome.
It's nice to be here.
Can I get a coffee to go? Sure.
In my travel mug, if you don't mind.
That's a big mug you got there.
Yeah? Can you fill mine too, please.
Sure.
Thanks.
I'll go brew another pot.
What is it? What is it, Boy? What? My glasses, you found them! Nice! Good boy! What? What? Girl? Wait! Come back! Hey.
What ya lookin' at? I'm thinking about getting some Corner Gas souvenir type stuff.
Oh.
You think that that's what people want? Yeah.
If by people you mean me.
Hmm.
I need to ask you some advice.
A lot of people come to The Ruby and get coffee to go.
Well, you put the word "caf? on the roof in giant letters.
I don't think they should be able to use any size travel mug.
This is tough to figure out.
What? Are you being anal or cheap? Anal, I'm being anal.
I just-I just want a uniform-sized travel mug.
Okay, maybe I'm being a little cheap, but it's like 90% anal, You know what? I'm just gonna go with anal.
Hey, how about these? Ruby Travel Mug.
Hmm.
Are they expensive? Oh, now you're being cheap.
Tell you what.
I'll go halvsies with ya.
Pretty please? I can't resist you when you talk like a seven-year-old girl.
You're the bestest! Did you do the leaves yet? Did you get Yes.
rid of them? I have to get rid of them too? I said rake the leaves and get rid of them.
Sorry for the confusion.
There wouldn't be any confusion or leaves if you'd let me handle this my way.
Yeah.
But you're less likely to kill someone with a rake, slightly less likely.
Hey, I might need your help.
I don't know, cut out carbs, maybe exercise more? I don't want to lose weight.
And nor should you, Big Guy.
Uh.
I mean, um, Regular-sized Guy.
I just don't want Lacey to get the best of me in this whole travel mug logo thing.
How would she get the best of you? Well, every mug's got two sides, and most people are right handed.
Ergo, I wanna put the Corner Gas logo on the near side, so that whoever's drinking it can read it.
I gotta figure out how to trick Lacey into wanting her logo on the other side.
Have you thought about asking her if you can put the Corner Gas logo on the near side? Blind her with simplicity, that's pretty devious.
But I was thinking more like a two-headed coin or somethin'.
Oscar! I think I just met the Littlest Hobo.
How tall was he? Did he ask you for money? No, no.
From the TV show, you know, Canada's Lassie, "There's a voice keeps on callin' me"? A hobo is calling you? No, Hobo's a dog.
A dog is calling you? No, the voice is calling the dog.
The dog hears voices? I need to talk to you about this mug thing.
Did you order them? When will they get here? We need to figure out what side to put The Ruby on and what side to put Corner Gas on.
I'm not sure I follow what you're saying.
Well, here.
Like should The Ruby go on this side or should Corner Gas go on this side? We could pick a number between one and ten.
Okay, whatever.
I'll pick seven.
Oh, you were way off.
It was two.
So I'll put Corner Gas on the near side.
Okay.
Just, uh, do it soon, okay? Okay.
What do you want? Get lost! My plan went perfectly.
Good.
What plan? Operation Logo Location.
Oh, I forgot how important that was to me.
Hey, Guys! Guess what? I just met the Littlest Hobo.
The dog? Yeah.
You met a fictional character? Maybe he was based on truth.
Maybe the Littlest Hobo was the first ever reality show.
Did you ever think of that? Hold on.
If I can see my logo, her logo's on the outside, the whole while giving her free advertising.
Come on, Guys! I can only handle one weird obsession at a time.
Some German Shepherd just came up and started to bark at me! See, that proves it.
It's the Hobo.
Well, of course it is.
What other dog would think to use the Hobo's signature bark sound? Should my logo be on the outside right or outside left? What the hell are you talking about? It's the Hobo and I'll prove it.
Getting dizzy, head spinning, feeling faint! Oh, it was good times.
Tongue swelling, skull pounding! Whatcha doin', Hank? You're gonna get grass stains.
Here! Let's roll! What? Get the-what the hell are ya doin'? I'm okay! What is that, ham and cheese? This mug's pretty big.
You don't have to fill it all the way up.
Don't be silly.
See ya, everybody.
Enjoy your day.
Bye.
I'm glad they're here.
Yeah.
What? Don't you like them? No.
He seems nice enough.
I'm not sure about that Carol, though.
She seems a little quick to judge.
I noticed that about her right away.
There's just something about firefighters that make you feel safe, like the way they saved Hank's life.
Well, okay, that's not the best example.
But, still, it's just the way they protect our community.
I couldn't help notice a large pile of leaves still sitting in our front yard.
You just asked me yesterday.
I asked you for the That's what I'm sayin'.
Where's Brent? I don't know.
I'll just pay later.
It's that damn dog again! Hey, what's all the commotion? It's the Hobo dog that Hank was talkin' about.
Why is barkin' at ya? I dunno.
Dogs bark.
Were you gonna pull a dine and dash? You can't dine on gas.
Well, then a pump and scram, or whatever it's called, a hose and bolt? I was not.
And it's called a gas and dash, ya jackass.
Happy now? I don't care what you say, it could still be the Hobo.
I didn't say anything.
You were thinkin' it.
The show's been off the air for 20 years.
I'm pretty sure the Littlest Hobo is lifting his leg on the Pearly Gates by now.
Excuse me, Wanda, I think you're forgettin' about dog years.
That's three dog years ago to you and me.
That's right, Hank.
Seven times twenty equals three.
Hey, could you do my taxes next year? But if he knew I was dyin', why didn't he save me? Maybe he knows you.
Oh.
Because he knew that help was nearby, or that I was fakin' it.
He knew I wasn't in peril.
A big fireman French kissing you isn't peril? Do you think firefighters get more respect than us? We have respect.
Hey, dingledorks, I need you to do something.
Dingledorks? There's a dog barking at everyone.
He's a small hobo.
What do you want us to do about it? He's a drifter.
Run him outta town! Oh, I don't know.
That's what the sheriff did to Rambo in First Blood, and that didn't work out at all.
Fine.
Maybe the Fire Department will help me out.
Rambo.
Ha, that was funny, Davis.
What's so funny about it? Oh, Lacey.
I don't want to make this a big deal, but maybe we should rethink this logo thing.
For the travel mugs? Yeah.
I thought you ordered them yesterday.
I was going to, but I thought maybe it's not fair for me to hog the inside right spot.
There's a lotta right-handed people in the world, so maybe we should do half the logo on the outside right, half the logo on the inside right, or something, or I could just be left outside.
I barely know what you're talking about.
Please, just order them.
Sure.
Yeah, you're right, I'm over thinking this.
Okay, so I'll be inside left, you'll be outside left.
Good.
Okay.
Done deal, then.
I bet that keener Carol will help Oscar.
Yeah.
So will David.
She's such a suck up.
And he's such a let's roll.
Everyone else seems to like them.
People like them because they're all fun and games and spraying water on things.
We're cops.
We have to be serious.
We have to keep an eye out for trouble and danger.
Uh-oh! I'm blindfolded and walkin' out into traffic! Help, Hobo, help! You're right.
But they're really connecting with the community.
Yeah.
Maybe it would be better for us, politically, if we helped Oscar.
I wonder if Lacey has swindled me in this whole logo business.
She told you she doesn't care about the logos to make you believe that she doesn't care about the logos.
Cagey wench.
Yeah, she's doin' some sorta Zen Vulcan mind twist.
She's playin' this better than I thought she would.
You probably think I'm an idiot.
No, not at all.
Good.
But keep in mind, I spend a lot of time with a guy who thinks the Littlest Hobo has been reincarnated.
Hey, maybe we'll get some free food outta this.
I haven't had one of Emma's casseroles in a while.
What do you want? We thought maybe we'd Emma, this was fantastic.
Great meal.
Let me do the dishes.
Aww.
Oh, hi Davis.
Hi Karen.
I'd invite you in, but we're all done.
What are you doing here? We were gonna tell Oscar that we would handle the dog thing.
Don't worry about it.
We got it covered.
We'll find the dog.
You got a lot on your plate.
And we had a lot on our plates, eh? What's so funny? You look tired.
Yeah.
I was up all night trying to figure out this mug thing.
It's just a mug; it's not cold fusion.
Just go over there and put your foot down.
And before I order these travel mugs Hold on.
You haven't ordered yet? I wanna make sure that we're on the same page, vis-?is the logo-sidedness of our situation.
I don't mean to put my foot down Brent, you were supposed to do this two days ago.
I'll do it myself.
Did you put your foot down? A foot was put down, yes.
Mm, Lacey, can I get some more? Sure.
Oh, sorry, it's gonna have to wait.
Are you ready? Yeah.
I'm really excited.
Can I have your attention, please? This is a fire drill.
Everyone out.
Single file, single file.
Here, Hobo! Come here, Boy! You wish.
Well, that was a great fire drill.
Thanks for letting us use your place of business.
Oh, no, thank you.
Gosh, you guys are real heroes.
Hey.
You guys seen the Littlest Hobo? You still on about that? I thought you'd be diggin' for pirate treasure or building a time machine by now.
I can't find him.
David and Carol were trying to catch him.
What? Maybe the dog found out and hit the road.
Maybe there was voice that kept on calling him.
Maybe down the road that's where he wants to be.
And every stop he'd make, he'd make a new friend.
Just grab your hat, we'll travel light that's Hobo style Maybe tomorrow Okay, everyone, it's time for a police drill.
Ah, what now? A police drill.
You know, a police drill.
What's involved in police drill, if such a thing existed? We'll pretend there's a police situation and you have exit the premises.
Single file, single file! All right, let's go, single file! Come on, come on, move it, move it! Okay, the burglars are gone.
How was their time? The single file thing is slowing them down.
Okay, everyone back in inside.
And this time every man for himself.
More panic.
Make it real.
All right, let's go, let's go! Hup, hup, hup! Hi, Emma.
Hi, Karen.
Listen, if this is gonna be some kind police drill, I want you to know I don't do those.
That was like two weeks ago.
Hi, Carol! Hi, David! Hey, Wanda.
What's up, Sad Sack? Still bummed because the fictional TV dog left town? Well, maybe another fictional character will drop by, maybe Sad Sack.
I miss the Hobo.
Maybe if I could have got to know him better, I coulda convinced him to stay.
a) He's not the Hobo.
b) If he was the Hobo, the Hobo only comes around when there's trouble and then moves on.
Thus the term hobo.
And c) He's not the Hobo.
You're right.
The Hobo only comes around when Oscar's doin' somethin' bad.
Thanks, Wanda.
Say hi to Scooby and Dino.
Look what came.
Great.
Open it up.
I'm curious to see what you did.
I just want you to see for yourself.
Okay, I'll tell ya.
I put both our logos on the same side.
What? That's crazy! Now the left-handed people will have nothing.
We should have done it my way.
Which was? All right, point taken.
Let's just see the mugs.
Corner G and The Rub.
Huh? Is that your favourite Hip Hop band or something? Oh.
I-I don't know how that happened.
I'm sorry, Brent.
Actually, call me Corner G.
I think I like that.
Peace out, Rub.
Oscar! What ya doing, anything bad? Emma wants me to get rid of these stupid leaves.
Why don't ya burn 'em? That's the best idea you ever had.
Let's get this started.
Who you lookin' for? No one, no one.
Oh! Uh-oh! Oh, boy! What's goin' on? Emma wanted me to get rid of the leaves.
Oh, here.
Let me help.
Oh, Dude, you're just spreading it.
Yeah.
Hobo! Where are ya goin'? They're like, uh, the worst travel mugs I've ever seen.
Hey, Littlest Hobo! I mean, uh, the dog that Hank thinks is the Littlest Hobo.
I don't like the way it barks.
Come again.
That barking has to be some kinda noise violation.
Let's take it to the SPCA.
Thanks, Emma.
What happened? Emma wanted me to get rid of the leaves.
It's her fault.
It's my fault for not saying, "Don't pour a gallon of gas on the leaves and your pants and then throw matches at them.
" Good work, Davis, for being on the scene.
I'm sure you helped.
Oh, yeah, he was a big help.
You're in shock.
Good work, Davis.
Where's David and Carol? Here, Boy! Here, Boy! Here, Boy! A huge fire and they're playing with a dog? We're going back to the Volunteer Fire Department.
Davis, could you supervise it? All right.
I brought hot coffee, in travel mugs.
And you can keep the mugs if you want.
The Rub? What's that, a massage parlour? That would have been cool if that was the real Littlest Hobo, eh, Brent? Brent? I mean Corner G? Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Word up.
Maybe Carol and David were evil and the Littlest Hobo drove them away to save the town, huh? Hobo, you're back! What is it, Boy? He's barking at the shed.
In here, Boy? What are you doin'? Hey, let us out of here.
This isn't very Hobo-like.
There's a voice that keeps on calling me Down the road, That's where I'll always be And every stop I make, I make a new friend Can't stay for long, Just turn around and I'm gone again Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down Until tomorrow, I'll just keep movin' on There's a voice that keeps on calling me Down the road, That's where I'll always be Every stop I make, I make a new friend Can't stay for long, Just turn around and I'm gone again Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down Until tomorrow, I'll just keep movin' on So if you want to join me for a while Just grab your hat, we'll travel light That's hobo style Want to have a gas online? Visit us at cornergas.
com Until tomorrow, I'll just keep movin' on