Dead to Me (2019) s03e05 Episode Script

1
[SIGHS]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Sorry,
my my arm's asleep.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.
- So comfy in your nook.
- [CHUCKLES] You're fine.
No, you're fine.
- What? No, no, no, no.
- [GRUNTS]
- No, don't get up. Stay here with me.
- [SCOFFS]
Come on. Bad things
happen outside of beds.
Bad things happen inside beds too.
Hmm. Not this bed.
[CHUCKLES] Is that right?
Is that you asking for an encore?
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, fuck!
My mom has a follow-up cardiologist
appointment in four minutes.
I'm so sorry to sleep and run.
No, I'm glad you finally got to sleep.
Yeah, sorry if I kind
of passed out mid-convo.
Yeah, you should be sorry.
I was, uh, spilling all my secrets.
Hey, listen. Um, thank you.
That was that was fun.
Oh, no, I don't mean that
I don't mean that in like a
"wham-bam, thank you ma'am" way.
No, I get it.
You have a lot on your plate
with your mom and Sonoma,
and I have, um
I have my own things.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
I don't even know why I brought
up Sonoma. That was stupid.
It's not like I can run
off and leave my mom.
I think she'd understand.
You need to live your life.
Yeah, I don't really get to
have one of those right now,
between all the appointments and
follow-ups that I am late for.
- It's a lot, huh?
- Yeah.
I don't wanna say it's a burden, but
- I'm sorry you have to carry all that.
- [SIGHS]
- No wonder your arm fell asleep.
- Right. [CHUCKLES]
If you ever need anything,
you know where I live.
Really appreciate that.
[KISSES] Take care of yourself, okay?
I'll try.
[DOOR SHUTS]
[BOTH LAUGHING]
How did you get to be so amazing?
[GRUMBLES] It's all a ruse.
Seriously though,
to forgive me after what I did.
I should be turning myself in.
- I should be in jail.
- No, no.
No, we
We all make mistakes. We
We've all done things that we regret.
Oh, but if you get up, I have
to go back to my parents' house,
and all they wanna do
is talk about Steve.
I could see how that
could could wear on you
- The thing about Steve is it's
- [MURMURS]
It's just really hard
not to know what happened.
Maybe it's a good thing that you don't.
Maybe.
My reflex is to drink.
- Yeah, don't do that.
- No, I know.
I just don't know what to do.
I can't believe I'm gonna
say this, but [SCOFFS]
um, after Ted died,
I went to this grief group thingy.
- [BEN] You did?
- Yeah.
Begrudgingly and, uh,
with a shitty attitude.
But it it did help me
to feel less alone.
I don't feel alone right now.
I'm glad.
Hey.
Would it be weird if
I asked to take a bath?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[CHUCKLES] You still can.
Maybe light a couple of
candles, you know. [CHUCKLES]
Do you do you have any candles?
Under the sink.
Ha! I mean
[INHALES SHARPLY, CHUCKLES]
- Jesus.
- Ah! Sorry.
[JEN] Okay.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES, EXHALES]
Mom, there's a leak in the kitchen!
Jesus Christ, Charlie.
Do you ever knock?
Hey, can I borrow your
lavender body wash?
Are you taking a bath?
It's it's a normal thing to to do.
[DRAMATIC DANCE SUITE PLAYING]
[JEN GASPS]
Methinks the leak's coming from there.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Yes.
- Me's agrees.
- Yeah.
I can take a look at it if you
want. Maybe snake out your pipes.
Again. [SNICKERING]
I'll go get the toolbox.
Whatever you think is happening
is none of your business.
So it's happening?
Look, Ben has been through a lot.
And, uh, it's good to
be there for people.
Whatever you need to tell yourself.
[BEN] Hey, man.
You mind giving me a hand up there?
I don't know. Get your plumb on.
Yeah, man, let's plumb it out.
[DOCTOR] Judy.
Hi.
I didn't think I'd see you
again after your last visit.
Thought I might have
freaked you out a little bit.
You did.
But you're back.
Figured it can't hurt to try, right?
Good. Good.
[BEN] Let's take a look at this bad boy.
- [DRAIN GURGLES]
- [INHALES]
Hey, uh, you know, I never
got a chance to talk to you
about showing up at
your house all [SIGHS]
loosey-goosey the other day.
You mean totally shit-faced?
- Yeah, that works too. [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
Don't worry about it, man.
I I didn't tell my mom.
Thanks. I appreciate that.
You're a good man, Charlie Brown. Yeah.
- You probably get that a lot, huh?
- Yeah.
Um, you actually said it to me that day.
- I did?
- Yeah.
- Come on.
- I can't come on. You said it.
[LAUGHS]
Uh, look, I really wanna
apologize. That wasn't me.
I was pretty messed up,
dealing with my brother, and
I'm I'm really not that guy.
Well, it's okay. [SIGHS]
I did a couple fucked-up
things after my dad died.
So I get it.
Hey.
YOLO, right?
People don't really
say that anymore, man.
[LAUGHS] All right, how about we
get jiggy with this drain, huh?
[CLICKS]
[GASPS]
- Sheesh McGeesh.
- Wow.
And then, after the first
three cycles of chemo,
we'll go back and do another PET-CT scan
to see how your body's responding.
Just let me
[MUTTERS]
Three cycles.
How long does that take?
Each cycle is about one month.
- And then that's it?
- Depending on how your body responds.
We we may need to do more. Here.
Oh, thanks.
- Do you want a piece of gum?
- [DOCTOR] Uh, no, um, I'm good.
So, Judy, the next few months
may be very challenging.
Do you have anybody who
can help? Any family?
- I have a mom.
- Great. Is she local?
- She's in jail.
- Okay.
Uh, is there a friend you can ask?
There is, but I, um I
really don't wanna be a burden.
Forgive my candor, but
this is one time in life
where it's okay to be selfish.
Yeah, but I'm really not that guy.
[DOCTOR] Well, you might have to be.
Not to freak you out again,
but this part of the
process is very grueling.
You will need help.
[INHALES] Right, but, like,
it's not impossible to do by myself.
I could do it, right?
You could, but it really
isn't the best plan.
Oh, shit. [SIGHS]
Do you have a trash?
- [BEN] Ooh, that's a lot of hair.
- Ugh! That's a nightmare.
It's not even mine. A
witch lived here before me.
- [BEN] Oh. A good witch or a bad witch?
- [LAUGHING]
Oh, you know, a little of both.
She was bi.
- [LAUGHS]
- [JEN] Just in case.
Well, good news is we found the problem.
- Bad news is it is above my pay grade.
- Oh.
Yeah, it's weird.
There's, like, a huge
hole in one of the pipes.
Like, totally corroded like something
just burned right through it.
[HEARTBEAT THUMPING]
[LIQUID POURING]
- [OMINOUS MUSIC BUILDS]
- [SIZZLING]
Huh. Oh, that is weird. That
is that is that's so weird.
Maybe that witch used
this as her cauldron.
Oh.
[IMITATES WITCH] A little eye of
newt and tail of rat action, right?
[LAUGHING]
- [CACKLES] Come into my cauldron!
- [JEN] Eww!
[LAUGHING] Right.
Oh, God. I'm gonna call a plumber.
[LAUGHING]
[SIGHS]
[JEN] Judy, where have you been?
- Sorry. I
- [JEN] I'm really freaking out!
What? Why?
- [WHISPERS] Ben is the one that hit us.
- What?
Mm-hmm. And we slept
together, which was good.
Which is bad because now he's
upstairs fixing our leaky rathole.
- We have a leak?
- Yeah!
- Keep up, Judy.
- I'm sorry. It's a lot.
Yeah, this is what I'm saying!
There's way too fucking much!
Okay, well, then maybe it's
not the, um, best time for me
to tell you what I was
[GROANS] Tell me what, Judy?
I have
[TENSE MUSIC BUILDS]
to go with Michelle
to Sonoma for three months.
I'm sorry. You have to do what with who?
Michelle. She's opening a restaurant
next to this organic winery,
and I guess she wants me
to come with her and help.
Okay, so you dated for what, a week?
And now you are running away
with her for three months?
Mm-hmm. Maybe longer
depending on how things go.
You know, it's not something that
she can do alone. She needs help.
[SIGHS] All right, so,
when are you leaving?
She said that, um, sooner is
better, so I don't think it can wait.
- Wait. What about your job?
- That's fine. I got fired.
Oh. [GRUMBLES]
- Jesus, this is a lot.
- Right?
- That's what I was thinking.
- Okay.
- [BEN] Hey-hey!
- Hi!
- Oh. Hey, Judy.
- Hey.
- Did you, uh, tell her that
- [JEN] Hmm.
I was [CHUCKLES] You know
- I did.
- She did.
- Oh, phew! Okay, good.
- No, it's good.
- It's fine.
- [SOBBING] No, it's bad.
[BOTH] Oh.
I should have told you that
day at the hospital. Sorry.
He had just found out about Steve, so
Yeah, well, there's no excuse for that.
Well, I think it's okay. We're fine.
Oh, my God. It's okay. Everyone is okay.
Everybody's fine.
I'm so sorry, guys. [SNIFFLES]
- You guys are too good to me.
- Anything we can do to help.
- Whatever you need.
- [SIGHS] Oh, boy.
I mean, is that plumber on his way?
'Cause I got a little leak of
my own going here. [EXHALES]
- Hey, you can cry if you want to.
- [SNIFFLES]
No, no, no, I'm good. I'm good.
[BLOWS NOSE] I'm a wreck!
I mean [GROANS]
[SNIFFLES] There's just so
so many feelings, you know?
[SOBS]
[WAILING]
Ow! [SOBBING]
It hurts.
I feel sad, and I've
just never been sadder.
It's just I'm starting to
realize that [INHALES]
[EXCLAIMS] I got a lot of anger!
Anger is a perfectly natural response
to such a horrific, gruesome death.
I just keep thinking, what kind
of person would do this, you know?
[GASPS]
Don't they have any remorse? [SIGHS]
- Oh, I'm sure they do. Yes, of course.
- Oh, I'm sure they do. [MUTTERS]
Probably a monster to not
feel the depth of pain.
- What an awful thing to happen.
- [BEN SHUDDERS, SIGHS]
I just have so many questions.
[SIGHS, SNIFFLES]
But I just heard that the
FBI wants to talk to us.
- So maybe we'll get some answers.
- [JEN MURMURS]
- I don't know.
- Oh, great!
- Yay!
- Great!
- Wow!
- [JEN GASPS]
- Emotional high five, man.
- Yes!
That's good to hear.
And we are glad to have you here, Ben.
It is so important to have people
you could lean on when
things feel so bleak.
Unless they're going to Sonoma.
- Uh, you're going to Sonoma?
- Oh, no.
No, Judy is for three months.
I don't feel like that's
really grief-specific.
- So someone else can go.
- I'll go.
Today is a special day for me.
It's the 20th anniversary
of Burt's death.
My husband. He took his own life.
[WAYNE] Are you doing anything
to mark the occasion, Yolanda?
Well, I usually go to
our favorite karaoke bar.
Burt was a singer too. [CHUCKLES]
But it closed.
- Well, that's a bummer.
- [SCOFFS] It's okay.
I can mark the occasion
at home by myself too.
Have fun.
You shouldn't have to be by yourself.
Doesn't Henry have a karaoke machine?
I'm gonna kill you.
- [FEEDBACK WHINES]
- Sibilant sounds.
Malevolence.
Pestilence.
- Succubus.
- [JEN] Okay.
We're done with the mic
testing, okay? Thank you, Shandy.
Put it down. Put it down.
Walk away.
Thanks, hon.
Oh, you just had to. You just
had to volunteer, huh?
Oh, I felt bad. Yolanda really
seemed like she needed a friend.
[SCOFFS] Yeah, well, so could I.
What's that supposed to mean?
It just means that I
don't have the bandwidth
to be throwing a party
for a dead guy right now.
I mean, I've got a
giant leak in my kitchen
and not to mention the
FBI crawling up my crack.
Oh, don't worry about that.
I went and spoke to Glenn.
Who?
- Agent Moranis, the FBI guy.
- What? Why?
To imply that the Greeks were
involved in our hit-and-run,
which implies that
maybe they killed Steve
because he was stealing money from them.
So you went and lied
to the MVP of the FBI?
It wasn't lying. It was theorizing.
But now you've probably
made him more suspicious
by trying to make us
look less suspicious.
I was trying to help.
But that's that's what you do.
You just don't think things
through, Judy. Whatever, I don't
You go have fun on your sexy
joyride to Sonoma. I'll be fine here.
It's not really a joyride. It's
actually gonna be pretty grueling.
- What's gonna be grueling?
- Oh.
Uh, Judy is leaving us
to go open a restaurant
with her friend Michelle.
- Bad idea.
- [JEN] Mm-hmm.
The restaurant business
is a losing game.
The odds of survival are very slim.
- [JEN] Shandy gets it.
- Somebody has to beat the odds, right?
- It's your funeral.
- [SIGHS] It's your funeral.
["CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOUR
LOVE, BABY" INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
Oh, oh, Burt ♪
My darling, I ♪
Can't get enough of your love, Burt ♪
Oh, I don't know ♪
- This isn't gonna be a long party, right?
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
Look how happy she is. Come on.
Look how happy I am.
I see it. I know there's
a big smile under there.
- Ladies.
- [JUDY] Hi.
- [JEN] Hey.
- For what it's worth,
I think it was very kind of
you to do this for Yolanda.
- Didn't have a choice.
- Oh, happy to do it.
That's just the thing, isn't it?
- It feels good to help other people.
- [JEN] Hmm.
It's my dirty little secret. It's
better to give than to receive.
That may have come out wrong.
- No. No. Mm-mm.
- Maybe.
- [SONG ENDS]
- [APPLAUDING]
- Oh, thank God.
- [CHEERING]
Oh, thank you, everyone, thank you.
Uh, excuse me. You know, uh,
I'm a little parched. [CHUCKLES]
So am I.
Hi. There's our songbird.
Brought you some water.
Oh, thank you.
I just needed a minute
to collect myself.
Yeah.
Is that Burt?
[GASPS] Oh, look at him.
He has such kind eyes.
Doesn't he?
[CLICKS TONGUE] You know, it's funny.
[SNIFFLES]
You'd think, after all this time,
I'd be done crying over him, but
here we are.
He was clearly a very special guy.
No, he wasn't.
Child, he was as ordinary
as they come. [INHALES]
He used to joke that what
he lacked in personality,
I made up for in looks.
He was not wrong.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Well, I'm sure he had his charms.
He really didn't. Mm-mm.
And I loved that about him.
He was
steady and predictable.
That's why it's [INHALES]
it's so hard to
believe that he chose
He chose to do what he did.
He may not have felt
like he had a choice.
At least not a better one.
[CLICKS TONGUE] I just wish I had
known how much he was suffering.
I'd have moved heaven
and earth to help him.
I'm sure he knew that.
[VOICE BREAKS] Then
why didn't he ask me?
Maybe he couldn't.
Maybe.
[SNIFFLES] Judy.
Honey, thank you so
much for all of this.
It was so special.
[JUDY] Of course!
- [INHALES]
- Hey.
You have a great time in Sonoma.
- Oh.
- I hear it's like heaven up there.
- [LAUGHS]
- Wow.
Yeah, I hope so.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- [HENRY] Judy?
- Your friend's here.
- [JUDY] My friend?
- [JEN] Hey, Michelle.
- Hey, Jen.
- So, big news about Sonoma.
- Oh!
Michelle, you're here! We're all here.
Yeah, for now.
- What?
- Mom, do we have any duct tape?
And some sturdy toenail
clippers. It's for a game.
Yeah, I'll see what we have.
Excuse me, Michelle.
Can we go somewhere?
Yeah, of course. [MUTTERS]
- Is everything okay?
- No, not not really.
Um, I'm sorry for just
showing up like this.
- No, I said if you ever needed anything.
- Um
I do. I do.
Um, I need to apologize.
For what?
[INHALES]
I heard what you said last night
when you thought I was sleeping.
About your
[INHALES] Oh.
Oh.
I'm sorry. I I don't know
why I didn't say anything.
I I should have.
- I just kind of froze in the moment and
- It's okay.
No, no, it's not okay. It's gross.
Who does that to
somebody they care about?
Oh, please. Who brings up their cancer
while they're naked
in bed? That's gross.
I mean, do you wanna talk about it?
We can, or or you don't have
to talk about it, but do you
Do you need someone to
I know you have Jen, but
Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
- Do you mind if I ask what kind?
- Cervical.
It, uh [CLEARS THROAT]
It's, uh, spread to my liver.
- Fuck.
- Yeah.
It's, uh, pretty sucky.
Yeah, that's the suckiest.
Well, I'm here, okay?
If there's anything I can do
You can invite me to Sonoma
when you open your new place.
[MICHELLE] I will.
You know, I talked to my mom
about it, and she was, um
I mean, I guess the word is supportive.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Really?
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
- Look at that!
Sometimes people can surprise you.
- I got you something.
- What?
It's small, and it's dumb,
but I thought it couldn't hurt.
Thank you.
Yeah, they say amethyst
is good for healing.
I think it's helping already.
["ALWAYS ON MY MIND"
INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]
Maybe I didn't treat you ♪
Quite as good as I should have ♪
How you doing?
If I made you feel second best ♪
I'm so sorry I was blind ♪
But you were always on my mind ♪
But you were always on my mind ♪
Willie Nelson knows, man.
He does.
Free Willy!
Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What are you doing here?
- [BEN] I needed to see you.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Hey, we we talked to the FBI, FYI.
Okay. Come on, let's go.
- No, I didn't even get to the bridge.
- Show's over, okay?
- [GROANS]
- So, what?
- He drowned.
- What?
[SIGHS] Steve drowned.
[HEARTBEAT THUMPING]
It wasn't the blow to
the head that killed him.
[JEN GRUNTS]
[GASPS]
Oh, my God.
That's a pretty awful way to go.
[JEN] Yeah, it is.
[JUDY] What did you do?
Well, you were right.
[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES]
It's better not to know.
- Oh, crap.
- No, it's fine.
- No, Ben. Don't. Don't worry about it.
- I got it.
[JEN] Don't! Ben!
[JEN] Judy! Judy!
- Judy, help!
- [GASPS] What happened?
[JEN] Ben!
- [GASPS] Fuck. Come over here, come on.
- [BEN] I got it.
[JEN] Come on.
Come here.
- [JUDY] Here, we got ya.
- [BEN GRUNTS]
- [JEN] All right. Okay.
- [JUDY] Upsy-daisy.
[GRUNTING]
[BEN GROANS]
- [JEN] You got him? Okay.
- [JUDY] Yep.
All right. Look, you don't [HUFFS]
- Just sit down.
- Okay.
[BEN] Boom.
[JEN] All right, I'm gonna
get some towels. Oh, jeez.
- Uh, just please get rid of everybody.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[GRUNTS]
- [GROANS]
- What the hell is wrong with you?
Uh [SIGHS]
- I know how this looks.
- I thought you said you weren't that guy.
[EXHALES] Listen, buddy
I'm not your buddy. You fucking loser.
I'm so sorry.
You need to own up to your shit, dude.
And stay the fuck away from my mom.
[SIGHS]
Hi. How's Ben?
[JEN] He, uh, he left in a Lyft.
[SIGHS] That was a
total waking nightmare.
- Yeah, it was a little triggering.
- [SIGHS]
God, it's just it's torture.
[SIGHS] I wanna help him.
I mean, I fucking owe him
that after what I did. I
I let him drown, Judy.
- Ben?
- No.
Steve.
I mean, I I could have helped him.
I I could have saved him, but
- You froze.
- [JEN] Yeah.
And if I was a better
person, I would be there
for the man whose life
I fucking destroyed.
- It's too much.
- [SIGHS]
I mean, other people would do it.
- You know, you would.
- [MUTTERS]
I mean, you did. You
were that person for me.
I'm just too fucking shitty to even try.
[SIGHS]
What if I needed you to
be that person for me?
W-what do you mean?
[INHALES SHARPLY] I have cancer.
I said that I didn't, but I do.
I have it.
Why why would you
Because I didn't want
you to blame yourself.
Oh, my God.
That's why I said I was
going to Sonoma. I just
wanted to do the treatment
alone, so I don't burden you,
'cause I know after everything,
especially with your mom. I just
Fuck you, Judy!
- What?
- I know I said I was a shitty person.
But you really think
that I'm that shitty?
- No. Oh, it's not about
- Listen to me!
You are not a burden.
You are my fucking heart.
And I would do anything for you.
[SNIFFLES] Anything.
Do you understand me?
I'm scared.
I know. I know. [SNIFFLES]
It's gonna be okay. [EXHALES]
I promise, all right? [SNIFFLES]
- I just feel really scared.
- I know.
- [SNIFFLES]
- Oh, I got you, girl. I got you.
It'll be okay.
[CLICKS TONGUE] Hey.
Oh, hey. What's happening?
Uh [SIGHS]
I'm sorry to show up like this.
- Yeah, you're a little wet.
- [LAUGHING]
[BEN] Yeah, um,
you know when you came over
to see me the other day?
Yeah.
[BEN] And, uh, and you
returned the the bird?
Yeah.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
[HESITATES] The truth is
I I
[EXHALES] I don't know how to do this.
I
need help. [SIGHS]
I'm an alcoholic, and I need help.
Yeah, let's let's go
get you some help, okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- I really, really appreciate it.
- Yeah, man, I got you.
Hey, uh, you mind if I ask?
The bird. Where'd you get it from?
Henry. Jen Harding's son.
Yeah, Judy made it for him.
[DOOR OPENS]
Did she?
- Here you go.
- This frittata is really good.
- It's so fluffy.
- Hmm!
Oh, I'm gonna try not to be offended
at how surprised you
sound by that. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, by the by,
I made us a shared schedule of
all of your doctor's appointments.
- Aww!
- So we can keep the shit tight.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- [HENRY] Hey, morning.
- Hi! Good morning.
I, uh, I made a surprisingly good
frittata if anyone's interested.
No, thank you. I don't
need a hot breakfast.
- Then how about cereal?
- Eh, it's like cold soup.
[JEN AND JUDY SCREAMING]
Holy shit!
- Oh, my God!
- Oh!
[HENRY PANTING]
[RUBBLE CLATTERING]
Wow. This place is a real death trap.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAT MEOWS]