Derry Girls (2017) s03e05 Episode Script

Make us a cup of tea, will you, Mary? I'd do it myself, but the Bolsheviks are just about to kick off.
What's happened here? Starting a healthy eating plan, Gerry.
What?! No sugar, no dairy, no carbs, no meat.
That's not a healthy eating plan, That's a NO eating plan! Don't be so dramatic, Gerry.
We can have oranges.
Oranges? We can have as many oranges as we like.
We can't survive on oranges alone, girls! We've no choice, Gerry.
We both need to drop a dress size before this school reunion.
The school reunion is tonight, isn't it? That's right.
And the orange diet started when? About 20 minutes ago.
25, maybe.
Oh, sure, you're laughing, then.
Do I want to know why you're reading a book on the Russian Revolution? Ach, it's just one of my wee interests.
Really? I've always been into Russia, Gerry, you know that.
I know you had a furry hat once.
It's been 20 years since I've seen some of these girls.
Back then, everybody thought I was a bimbo.
No! But tonight they'll realise how wrong they were.
Or they'll wonder why you're harping on about Rasputin.
We got it! Brilliant, let's hear it.
So, if you were to jump up and down on the spot for an hour straight you'd burn 500 calories.
How much weight is that? So, there is six hours until the reunion starts, you'll need an hour or so to get ready An hour? That wean's not well.
.
.
which leavesfive hours? So, 500 calories by five hours Is how much weight? 500 times five What are we doing, Erin? Cut to the chase, girls! How many pounds can we lose? Almost one.
Almost one?! Is that it? Are you sure? The numbers never lie, Aunt Mary.
Is there another way we can shift half a stone before eight o'clock? Cut off a leg? Have you decided what you're wearing yet? I've narrowed it down to two.
Dresses? Rails.
Tonight's bound to be a bit sad, though, Mammy, all the old friends that didn't make it.
Most of the girls are going.
Yeah, the ones that are still alive, but I'm sure a few have, you know, died from old age.
We're in our thirties! Barely.
I heard that, you! I'd have loved to have lived in olden times.
We didn't live in olden times! Imagine going to school on a horse and a cart.
Nobody went to school on horse and cart! Eileen O'Kane did, Mary.
God, aye, so she did.
Well, girls, you weighed in yet? Why can't I have normal food? I'm not trying to drop a dress size! Oh, that's a lovely attitude, isn't it? Very bloody supportive! Orange, Daddy? Nah, you're grand, love.
Jim across the road is doing me a fry-up.
Interesting.
I got you a new suit.
I've laid it on the bed, you need to try it on.
A new suit? Dunnes were having a sale.
Even so, it's a lot of fuss for a school reunion, isn't it? I mean, new suits, the Battle of Stalingrad, who are you trying to impress? Nobody.
Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea.
I am not trying to impress Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea! I couldn't give a shit about her! Who's Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea? I don't wanna talk about Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea.
Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea knocked about with us.
Until she bagged her medical student boyfriend.
We weren't good enough for the likes of Janette, then.
Oh, no.
He's a surgeon now.
He took out Orla's tonsils.
And is point-blank refusing to give them back.
Jenny Joyce's mammy? You were friends with Jenny's mammy? But sure she lost the run of herself then, didn't she? Started using fancy words and all.
What kind of fancy words? Like, you know, "brunch".
What even is brunch? It's a sort of half breakfast, half lunch.
Like a cornflake sandwich.
Sounds good.
She's all high and mighty now, but I could tell you a thing or two about Janette Joyce formerly O'Shea.
Careful, Mary.
I know what happened on leavers' night, Janette.
I remember.
I was there.
What? What? What are you talking about? Nothing.
Nothing.
Eat your satsuma.
Welcome to the class of '77.
Jesus, but I cannot tear myself away from them vol-au-vents.
I think it's because we were restricting ourselves so much, Mary.
Yeah, I'd say it was a tough afternoon, all right.
Any sign of Janette? I haven't been looking for Janette.
I'm not interested in Janette.
What? Is it her? Is it Janette? Is she here? Oh.
Nice suit, Ciaran.
Dunnes, was it? Yeah, they had a sale on.
So I believe.
This is great.
Thanks for inviting me.
Well, John Travolta wasn't available.
I mean, I assume he wasn't.
His management never bothered writing back.
Good evening, ladies.
Good evening, Sister.
I didn't know you were coming, Sister.
No, I mean, we're not really expected to attend the reunions, but I couldn't help myself tonight.
The past pupils here are just so Well, that's .
.
untrustworthy.
I see.
And there's a lot of valuable items in the building, paintings and the like, so, I think it's wise to keep an eye.
I'll be carrying out random searches throughout the night.
Enjoy yourselves, ladies.
We'll try.
Oh, there's Geraldine.
Geraldine! Does every bastard in Derry own this thing?! It would seem so.
Language, you! Jesus, girls, I'm ready to drop here.
I haven't had a bite since 11.
Any sign of Janette? Janette who? Oh, Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea? Jesus, there is a blast from the past, I completely forgot about her! So you did, Mary.
Oh, here's Deidre.
Oh, who's the big fella? Is that not her husband? Not at all.
Maybe it's her bit of stuff.
All right, girls.
Martin not with you? He's working nights, so I thought I'd bring Rob instead.
Great.
Fair play to you, Deidre, that's what I say.
Sure, if you were a man, nobody would bat an eyelid.
What's she on about? Who's the fella, Deidre? I told you.
Rob.
You remember Rob? My cousin from America.
Canada.
Oh, my God.
American cousin Rob! Canadian cousin Rob.
Christ, that must be 20 years ago.
Yeah, this is my first time back.
Things got a bit too bomby.
Aye, because America is so safe! No, no, it's not.
Canada, on the other hand, is.
Why does he keep banging on about Canada? Hold on.
You were there! Leavers' night.
The school disco.
What a night that was.
Really? Do tell us more, Rob.
Look, it's the prat pack.
Where the hell did you come from?! Never you mind.
That's some spread over there.
Sandwiches like doorsteps.
Who are you? It's my cousin Rob.
Very pleased to meet you.
What part of America are you from? Montreal.
Can't say I'm familiar with it, though there is a Montreal in Canada, you know? Is that right? Oh, I love this one! Me too! Would you like to dance? I actually would, Ciaran.
Would you hold this for me? Mary, come on.
My God, Sarah.
Rob! Who? The Yank! What about him? He was there, the night of the school leavers' disco.
So? So, he knows! He knows! Somebody once said that the trouble with the English is that they never remember, and the trouble with the Irish is that they never forget.
Thanks for the lift, Daddy.
No drinking tonight, you hear me? Aye, Daddy.
Or smoking.
No, Daddy.
And no drugs.
Course not, Daddy.
And no dancing with boys.
No dancing with boys? But it's a disco, Daddy! Oh, you're right.
Scratch that.
No talking to boys.
What?! Actually, don't even look at the boys.
Which reminds me, if one of the wee bastards won't take no for an answer, use this.
Thanks, Daddy.
All right, then, off you go.
Are you not heading home now? No, no, no.
I'd better stay put in case there's any bother.
You'll stay here till ten o'clock? Aye, that's madness, Daddy.
You should come to the disco with us.
Do you have concussion?! Don't you worry about me, girls.
Just go and enjoy yourselves.
We'll try.
I suppose he's right to be nervous.
About the boys' school being here, I mean.
Why, Mary? Tonight's gonna be wild, Sarah! Girls to the right, boys to the left.
You're not serious?! I don't make the rules.
You do make the rules, you're the headmistress! That's true.
I do make the rules.
Here's another one for you.
Backchat me and it's disco detention.
Disco detention? I'm thinking that's not great.
How very astute of you, Miss McCool.
Now move! Would you know my frock's on inside-out? Why is it on inside-out, Geraldine? There was a Ribena incident.
Jesus, I'm mortified! Everybody is looking at me.
Nobody is looking at you.
This is a nightmare! I should go home.
I'm gonna go home.
You wouldn't even know, Geraldine.
You promise? I swear.
How goes it, ladies? You know your frock's on inside-out, right? Oh, Jesus! Who's the fella, Deidre? My cousin Rob.
Say hello, Rob.
Hello, Rob.
Rob thinks he's funny.
It's fucking exhausting.
Should he not be on the boys' side? He has to stick with me.
I have a note.
His family are visiting from America and they're shitting themselves about him maybe getting, I dunno, killed or something.
Not sure what the fuck I could do to prevent that, exactly, but Canada.
My family are visiting from Canada.
Christ, but these Americans are so argumentative.
Have you brought sandwiches? Yes, Deidre.
Yes, I have, and you'll be glad of them later.
Where's Janette? Not here yet.
Because I got the gear.
How?! Don't ask.
I mean that.
It's better if you don't ask.
Can't believe we're actually gonna do this! Yeah, me either.
Do what? Remember what we talked about? Not usually, Deidre, no.
Girls, I've been thinking about it and I'm not actually sure this is such a good idea any more.
You're doing it, Geraldine.
We all are.
But firstwe dance.
Ah, she's here! Janette's here! The neck of it! Jesus, if she was chocolate she'd eat herself.
Have you ever seen anybody more delighted with themselves? Well, she is married to a surgeon, Mary.
I'd be delighted, too.
Grand, so.
What's so great about being married to a surgeon? The money.
Plus that particular surgeon doesn't talk.
A man that doesn't talk.
She is living the dream, girls.
What do you mean, doesn't talk? 15 years I've been nursing in that hospital, not a peep out of him.
CAN he talk? He used to talk, back when they started going out.
Then he just stopped.
Jesus, but that's odd.
You're telling me.
Now don't get me wrong, he's a great surgeon, he's handled more bullets than the IRA, but you wouldn't wanna be stuck in a lift with him.
Why does someone just stop talking? Well, maybe he just ran out of things to say, Gerry.
Wait till you hear this! You won't believe this! Tell them what you are, son.
Go on.
This is great.
I'm a photographer.
No, not that! What's so great about that? The other thing! Uh He's a gay.
Oh, right.
Yes, I'm a raging homosexual.
This is correct.
He is.
Seriously? Our daughter's a gay! That's what I said! That's what I told him.
I mean, what are the chances, eh? How is she finding it? All right, I think.
I mean, she's 17, so, she's just starting out.
She's not as established as someone like yourself.
Aye, she's not fully qualified yet, so to speak.
How are you finding it? Oh, we're learning a lot.
We are.
Good.
I mean, we worry.
We do.
We all worry.
Aye, but life's that bit harder when you're different.
Maybe.
Then again, the chances of an accidental teenage pregnancy are lowered quite significantly with a lesbian daughter.
I'll drink to that! Nice suit, lads.
Dunnes, was it? Unbelievable.
God, she's shameless, so she is.
I'm not letting her away with it.
Ach, Mary, don't give her the satisfaction.
Yeah, she's a dick.
Who the hell does she think she is?! Janette! Janette! Janette! Janette! Janette! Janette, Janette, Janette! Oh, my God! Hi, guys! I didn't even realise you were here! Really? Cos you looked straight at us there, Janette.
Janette Joyce, formerly O'Shea.
I dunno if you know my husband, Richard.
He's a surgeon.
Hello, Richard.
Very pleased to meet you.
I see.
So, eh, this is Sarah, Deidre, Geraldine and Marie.
Mary.
Mary, of course.
You've probably never heard me talk about them because, well, why would I, really? Touching.
You know, Janette, I actually think it was the continuation of the First World War which led to growing unrest and support for the Soviets, which in turn allowed Lenin to seize power in 1917.
Right.
Are you enjoying yourself, Richard? Ah, that's a great suit.
How much did you pay for it, if you don't mind me asking? A lot.
Tell us this, Richard.
What's your star sign? Fair enough.
I wouldn't answer that either.
This is great, isn't it? Richard doesn't get much time off, because he's a surgeon.
Don't know if any of you guys are surgeons, but it's really full-on.
Yeah, that's why I packed it in eventually.
I just thought, no, I'll retrain as a delivery van driver, then I'll have more time for myself.
So are you still in your little shop, Mary? Woolworths is actually quite a big shop, but, yes, I am, although I'm starting university next year.
I'm going to study English.
Oh, my God, that's so funny! That's such a funny joke! Hilarious! That is hilarious! Well, look, we are gonna go and work the room.
We probably won't stay super late, because Richard has an early start in the morning, because he's a surgeon.
Before you head off, son, I have a question for you.
When you take someone's tonsils out, do you hang on to them? Do you whack them in a jar and put them in a storage cupboard, or whatever? What, you chuck them away?! Ah.
I'll pass that on.
OK, then.
It was so lovely catching up.
We should all do brunch sometime.
Hilarious? I'm hilarious?! How am I hilarious? Cos you're chickening out.
I'm not! I'm definitely chickening out.
Geraldine, we made a pact.
Yeah, thing is, I don't care.
What's going on? I have no idea, Brad.
Rob.
Sorry? My name's Rob! Are you sure? Pretty sure, yeah.
You look like a Brad to me.
Then again, that could be the American thing.
The Canadian thing.
I'm Canadian! If you say so, Brad.
Janette, tell them.
Yeah, the thing is, I'm not gonna do it now either.
It was your idea! I know, I get that, it's just, well, when I said it I never thought any of you would actually go for it, because, well, it's mad.
I'm just glad sense has finally prevailed.
This is so bloody typical! We never do anything spontaneous.
Speak for yourself.
I'm a very spontaneous person, actually.
Sandwich? Oh, lovely.
I've a flask of tea here somewhere.
It's leavers' night! We should make it a night to remember.
But it's sort of illegal, Deidre.
It's punk! The only religion worth fighting for.
Ach, don't start banging on about punk, Deidre.
We're not doing it, end of.
Now have a sandwich and enjoy the disco.
The disco is shit! But things are just warming up! The real talent will be arriving soon.
Trust me, any second now those doors are gonna burst open and a lot of absolute rides are gonna storm in here and snog the faces off us.
Quiet.
Settle down.
OK, I've just been informed that the IRA have mounted a roadblock on the Craigavon Bridge, which means nobody can enter the school grounds and nobody can leave.
BUT it's not all bad news.
Sister Matthew has very kindly offered to lead us in the rosary.
So, I think it's best if we wrap the disco up now and get cracking.
We'll pray our way out of here, folks.
You were saying? What is so hilarious about me going to university? What's she ever done? She married a surgeon, Mary! How many times? Imagine if he found out.
Careful now, Mary.
The summer of '77.
The leavers' disco.
That's enough now.
It wasn't me.
It was Janette's idea.
All this time, and we haven't said a word.
And that's the way it needs to stay! People wouldn't understand, girls.
They wouldn't understand.
I think we should let sleeping dogs cry.
We should let sleeping dogs LIE.
Ach, we should let sleeping dogs do whatever they want, Deidre.
I think it's time to pull some skeletons out of the closet.
No, Mary! They're grand where they are.
Leave the skeletons be, for the love of God.
I have carried this around with me for over 20 years! We all have! Well, no more.
No more.
Sweet and gentle Jesus.
Here we go! The rosary! The bastarding rosary! OK, well, that's definitely blasphemy, so School's over, girls.
It's reality now.
Jobs, husbands, kids.
- Not for me.
I have another year.
- Yeah, why are you even here?! My da made me bring her.
It's so depressing.
Is this how we're wringing out our youth? Fucking rosary! Can we have less of the blasphemy, please? What even is a rosary? Is it like a dance? Americans are such fucking heathens! Canadians! Canadians are heathens! That's a bit harsh, Brad.
Oh, shit! This is leavers' night.
No kissing, no dancing, nothing to look back on! We deserve better than this, girls.
You're right.
We do.
Our whole lives we've been told what we can do, what we can wear, where we can go, who we can talk to.
We're told who we are and what we believe in.
It's all curfews and barricades and roadblocks and rosaries.
For once, let's do something purely because we want to do it.
This is our rebellion! What are you saying? SuddenlyI'm feeling punky.
Yes! I mean, it's incredible.
Not a squeak.
Slapping him might work.
You're not slapping him, Joe.
I don't wanna slap him.
I want you to slap him.
Then he might slap you back, which I would enjoy.
I was just wondering if we could scare the shite out of him, jump out suddenly from behind something, that might get a rise out of him maybe.
I dunno, Sean Yeah, fella might have a heart condition! One second.
Excuse me.
Well? I see.
Impossible.
Janette? We would like a word.
Mary, please, stop now before it's too late.
About what? About the summer of '77.
About the leavers' disco.
I don't know what you're talking about! Oh, I think you do.
Will I tell him? Go away, Mary! Or will I show him the photographs? You do remember the photographs? Oh, sweet Jesus.
The Polaroids.
What Polaroids? Brad photographed it.
Who the feck is Brad?! Me, I think.
Evidence, Janette! Photographic evidence! Girls, you have to back up here! Well? Ignore her.
She's mad.
Oh, like that, is it?! Come on, girls.
To the fairy tree.
What the blazes is going on here exactly? Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding for our national anthem.
One, two, ready, go! Where'd you pull that from? Your arse.
OK, Joe, the insults need a bit of work.
Don't do this, Mary.
You have as much to lose as I do.
Aye, but the difference is I don't give a shit.
Where are we going?! Slow down, I'm out of puff here! Will you see sense, Mary? For God's sake! She's right, Geraldine.
I'm sick of the lies, I'm sick of the shame.
Let's dig it up! Christ, girls, you didn't kill someone, did you?! This is the place.
Help me! For the love of Jesus, what's going on, girls? Well, I don't know about anybody else, but I'm having a wonderful time.
I think I feel something! Stop it! Stop it! You wanna tell him what we did? No.
I'll show him.
Richard, I am so, so sorry.
Every time we look at them we'll remember this night, and know we did something once.
I hope in 10, 20, 30 years' time that another group of girls find this box, look at these photographs and say, "Jesus but they must have been a bunch of bad bitches!" Is that a tattoo? Have you had a tattoo since 1977 and I've never seen it? There's lots you haven't seen, Gerry.
We're very good at hiding them, Gerry.
We're out a fortune in concealer.
What choice did we have? If the truth came out our lives would be over! That's not true, love! Imagine if our girls found out we had these.
They'd do whatever they wanted, we wouldn't have a leg to stand on! We broke so many laws! We were underage, nobody was a qualified practitioner, they should have locked us up and thrown away the key! OK! I'm so sorry, Daddy.
Ach, I'm not bothered with that, love.
Your mother had a tattoo.
What?! Where? Richard? Richard? Yeah, he can't even look at me! Why did you have to do it, Mary? Why couldn't you have kept quiet?! Because you think you're better than us, and this proves you aren't.
I don't think I'm better than you! I never thought I was better than you! You stopped speaking to us once you met your fancy boyfriend! You didn't even come to my 18th.
Because you told Richard we definitely weren't invited! I told Richard you definitely WERE invited! Richard? Yeah, uh, so, Richard's great at the surgery .
.
not so good at the passing on of the messages.
See, this is why I don't talk.
Ah! Very astute.
Oh, I wish I'd thought of that.
Ah, look at these.
Sure we haven't changed a bit.
1977.
Jesus, girls, where did that time go? Christ, look at those smiles.
We had no idea how bad things were gonna get.
Yeah, but we got through it.
We did all right, didn't we, girls? We did all right.
That's not us.
What?! That's not us.
Oh, for God's sake! This must be the wrong tree.
Dear Jesus!