Die Hart (2020) s03e05 Episode Script
The Legend of Lionel Pendergrass
1
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
I've got a bad feeling about this.
KEVIN: Relax, just keep driving.
- KEVIN: How do I look?
- JORDAN: Yeah, okay, oh.
You kind of look like the love child
of Fidel Castro and James Harden.
- Kevin, listen
- Don't call me Kevin right now.
Seriously, like, not right now.
I want to get into character,
and I need to approach this properly.
I want to my name is
Ooh, please let it be Roger Richards.
You're You're interrupting my process
and how I approach the craft.
So, can you please sit back?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.
I'm going to go by Lionel Pendergrass.
- Oh.
- Why?
How you doing? I'm Lionel Pendergrass,
and I work for the LA County
Department of Forensics.
Listen to me. I have
spent the past two years
infiltrating people's homes,
businesses, secured locations.
I mean, I treat each
job like it's a mission.
I study schematics, I
research onsite personnel.
You can't just bumble into a crime
scene where you're wanted for murder
and just steal the evidence trying
to prove that you are the murderer.
It's dangerous.
You don't think I can do it?
That's the problem, because nobody does.
And maybe this is how I show them I can.
Let me tell you what I do know.
You can't just go bumble
into somebody's home
where you're the murder suspect
and just take what you want.
I've been studying this all my life
- All right, you know what?
- I just said that.
Why don't you just go and do
the thing that you're gonna do?
- Please?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm about to fuck shit up.
Need any help with that?
- No, I don't.
- Okay.
- Let me just
- Lionel Pendergrass
can put a glove on.
- Is it stuck?
- No, I think it's a left hand.
- It's a left hand.
- Okay.
I'll be back.
There's no way this
shit's gonna work, right?
- KEVIN: No!
- Oh, and he just fell.
Oh, hey, hey. What's your name?
You.
Lionel Pendergrass.
LA County Department of Forensics.
- Where's your badge?
- I don't carry one.
I don't want to contaminate the place.
Is that forensics?
Huh? Let's go.
Yeah, all right, well, I'll
catch up with you some other time.
Maybe get some coffee or
something. Talk about your mother.
All right, my man. Brother, right on.
[BOTH CLEARING THROAT]
Somebody called for forensics?
Yeah, two hours ago.
Two hours too long.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Where the hell have you been, huh?
Huh? Hmm?
- Come on.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry, sir, I just
- I'll go secure the perimeter.
- Uh-huh.
A lot of fire in that one, huh?
Yeah.
So, what's the deal?
I tell you what the deal is. The
deal is I had a goddamn butt-fuck.
Explain that a little further for me.
Quadruple homicide.
- Yeah.
- Shit, four people.
You're goddamn right it's four people.
That's why I said quadruple.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Blood, guts everywhere.
Look like a goddamn piñata
spilled all over the place.
- Huh.
- It was a shit show.
What'd you say your
what'd you say your name was again?
I'll tell you exactly
what who the fuck is that?
Hey, dickhead.
Get your goddamn hands off the shit.
DNA all over the place.
I've been telling
these assholes all day.
Why is he taking so long?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, sure.
It's probably better if I
come up here ooh, okay.
- Okay.
- Just come up here for it, feels easier.
Okay, so
someone like me has to
literally get hit by a car
to book a role in a big movie,
and then Kevin's out here, like, Lionel
Pendergrass-ing himself for people
to take him seriously as an
actor, but, like, what about you?
What about me?
Jordan, I have seen every
role you've ever done,
and you outshine your
co-stars every single time.
[SCOFFS] That's not true.
The fuck it's not.
Literally, you're Jordan King.
Like, you don't need to be doing
any drastic stunt to win an Oscar.
Like, you already have the skill.
What, you think that's not true?
I think
sometimes in Hollywood,
skill isn't enough.
This town will make up
its own opinion about you
and put you in a box.
I don't want to get stuck in a box.
Then don't let them put you in one.
If I could go back and
start my career over again,
I'd stand up for myself more.
You won't stop having to, by the way
and take
take the roles that you want
and not what your agent wants.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Thank you.
You know, when you meet your heroes,
you want them to be, like
it's just
I just think you're really cool.
Do we have any molly in here?
Well, I got some bad news.
And by bad, I mean not good.
This whole place has been contaminated.
Yeah, you're telling me.
You okay there, Lionel?
Yeah, no, no, I'm I'm good, I'm good.
So, uh, who
who did the fingerprints on this?
I'd like to I'd like
to check their work.
The tech's that way.
Always the tech.
Pardon me.
- Is this what you asked for?
- No, it's not.
Go back. Swap it out.
Shit, what the fuck did they
put in this goddamn beard?
Poison ivy and shit.
Itching your face off.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Lionel, you in there?
Yeah
[GRAVELLY] yeah.
I
I had some fish tacos.
Tore my damn stomach up, so
I got quite the situation going on.
You go ahead. Don't
wait on me. Go ahead.
Are you telling me you're using
the restroom at a crime scene?
No, I I'm using my shit bucket.
I brought a shit bucket.
Did you just say shit bucket?
[LAUGHING] That was a joke.
That was a joke. It was a little
Department of Forensics joke!
Not funny.
Um, have you seen my evidence cart?
Get your ass up in here.
Get out of my ass!
- [CLATTER]
- [CAT YOWLING]
Lionel, time to open the door.
That's an order.
Shit shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Come on, shit, shit no, no, no, fuck!
Hey, Jordan, what do you
think stars are made of?
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[SNIFFS]
- Pearl.
- Mm-hmm?
- Did you just smell me?
- No what?
KEVIN: So stupid!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Shit.
- Lionel!
- Oh
- I'm coming in.
Hey, watch your step.
- Watch your step.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
God damn it. Boy, I am
inspecting this place
to see if there was any type of
strange forensic activity in here.
So you didn't use the restroom?
I did. I bagged that.
Cause I'm not picking up
on any fecal scent at all.
Well, maybe that's because I'm healthy.
I eat right.
Now, let me tell you what I've gathered.
First of all, we
dealing with a white man.
A big white man.
Mm-hmm, 6'4", 6'5",
300, 350. Red curly hair.
I know that because of what
I've been able to gather.
Now, our killer came in
here with a disguise on.
Had a beard, big beard.
Took that beard off,
threw it in the commode,
obviously took it off,
tried to flush it there.
- You understand? You follow?
- That doesn't really match
- the suspect
- Hey, hey, hey!
I got a job to do, I
don't come here to debate!
- Okay.
- Now, I gotta finish my job.
I gotta get down there,
take those video tapes,
compile all that
evidence I got into one.
That's my job.
Now, I don't appreciate
you talking to me like
I don't know how to do my job.
And I don't appreciate
you staring at me.
Okay? God damn it.
And you're contaminating everything.
Aah!
I'mma step on out of here.
Bag and tag it, boys. Bag and tag.
Bag and tag.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Oh, fuck! Kevin, what the fuck?
- Jesus!
- A simple "thank you" would suffice.
- Oh, God.
- Holy shit, you did it, Kevin.
It wasn't me.
It was Lionel Pendergrass.
Yeah, I went deep on some
method-acting-type shit.
- Y'all wouldn't know nothing about that.
- Why are you so wet?
It's toilet water.
- Come on, let's get out of here.
- Guys.
Who the fuck is that?
Guess you're a shitty actor after all.
Pearl, that is not helpful.
["RUN, RUN, RUN" BY
MCKINLEY DIXON PLAYING]
Running from the
guns, point and shoot ♪
We used to play up
on the playground ♪
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
I've got a bad feeling about this.
KEVIN: Relax, just keep driving.
- KEVIN: How do I look?
- JORDAN: Yeah, okay, oh.
You kind of look like the love child
of Fidel Castro and James Harden.
- Kevin, listen
- Don't call me Kevin right now.
Seriously, like, not right now.
I want to get into character,
and I need to approach this properly.
I want to my name is
Ooh, please let it be Roger Richards.
You're You're interrupting my process
and how I approach the craft.
So, can you please sit back?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank you.
I'm going to go by Lionel Pendergrass.
- Oh.
- Why?
How you doing? I'm Lionel Pendergrass,
and I work for the LA County
Department of Forensics.
Listen to me. I have
spent the past two years
infiltrating people's homes,
businesses, secured locations.
I mean, I treat each
job like it's a mission.
I study schematics, I
research onsite personnel.
You can't just bumble into a crime
scene where you're wanted for murder
and just steal the evidence trying
to prove that you are the murderer.
It's dangerous.
You don't think I can do it?
That's the problem, because nobody does.
And maybe this is how I show them I can.
Let me tell you what I do know.
You can't just go bumble
into somebody's home
where you're the murder suspect
and just take what you want.
I've been studying this all my life
- All right, you know what?
- I just said that.
Why don't you just go and do
the thing that you're gonna do?
- Please?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm about to fuck shit up.
Need any help with that?
- No, I don't.
- Okay.
- Let me just
- Lionel Pendergrass
can put a glove on.
- Is it stuck?
- No, I think it's a left hand.
- It's a left hand.
- Okay.
I'll be back.
There's no way this
shit's gonna work, right?
- KEVIN: No!
- Oh, and he just fell.
Oh, hey, hey. What's your name?
You.
Lionel Pendergrass.
LA County Department of Forensics.
- Where's your badge?
- I don't carry one.
I don't want to contaminate the place.
Is that forensics?
Huh? Let's go.
Yeah, all right, well, I'll
catch up with you some other time.
Maybe get some coffee or
something. Talk about your mother.
All right, my man. Brother, right on.
[BOTH CLEARING THROAT]
Somebody called for forensics?
Yeah, two hours ago.
Two hours too long.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Where the hell have you been, huh?
Huh? Hmm?
- Come on.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry, sir, I just
- I'll go secure the perimeter.
- Uh-huh.
A lot of fire in that one, huh?
Yeah.
So, what's the deal?
I tell you what the deal is. The
deal is I had a goddamn butt-fuck.
Explain that a little further for me.
Quadruple homicide.
- Yeah.
- Shit, four people.
You're goddamn right it's four people.
That's why I said quadruple.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Blood, guts everywhere.
Look like a goddamn piñata
spilled all over the place.
- Huh.
- It was a shit show.
What'd you say your
what'd you say your name was again?
I'll tell you exactly
what who the fuck is that?
Hey, dickhead.
Get your goddamn hands off the shit.
DNA all over the place.
I've been telling
these assholes all day.
Why is he taking so long?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, sure.
It's probably better if I
come up here ooh, okay.
- Okay.
- Just come up here for it, feels easier.
Okay, so
someone like me has to
literally get hit by a car
to book a role in a big movie,
and then Kevin's out here, like, Lionel
Pendergrass-ing himself for people
to take him seriously as an
actor, but, like, what about you?
What about me?
Jordan, I have seen every
role you've ever done,
and you outshine your
co-stars every single time.
[SCOFFS] That's not true.
The fuck it's not.
Literally, you're Jordan King.
Like, you don't need to be doing
any drastic stunt to win an Oscar.
Like, you already have the skill.
What, you think that's not true?
I think
sometimes in Hollywood,
skill isn't enough.
This town will make up
its own opinion about you
and put you in a box.
I don't want to get stuck in a box.
Then don't let them put you in one.
If I could go back and
start my career over again,
I'd stand up for myself more.
You won't stop having to, by the way
and take
take the roles that you want
and not what your agent wants.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Thank you.
You know, when you meet your heroes,
you want them to be, like
it's just
I just think you're really cool.
Do we have any molly in here?
Well, I got some bad news.
And by bad, I mean not good.
This whole place has been contaminated.
Yeah, you're telling me.
You okay there, Lionel?
Yeah, no, no, I'm I'm good, I'm good.
So, uh, who
who did the fingerprints on this?
I'd like to I'd like
to check their work.
The tech's that way.
Always the tech.
Pardon me.
- Is this what you asked for?
- No, it's not.
Go back. Swap it out.
Shit, what the fuck did they
put in this goddamn beard?
Poison ivy and shit.
Itching your face off.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Lionel, you in there?
Yeah
[GRAVELLY] yeah.
I
I had some fish tacos.
Tore my damn stomach up, so
I got quite the situation going on.
You go ahead. Don't
wait on me. Go ahead.
Are you telling me you're using
the restroom at a crime scene?
No, I I'm using my shit bucket.
I brought a shit bucket.
Did you just say shit bucket?
[LAUGHING] That was a joke.
That was a joke. It was a little
Department of Forensics joke!
Not funny.
Um, have you seen my evidence cart?
Get your ass up in here.
Get out of my ass!
- [CLATTER]
- [CAT YOWLING]
Lionel, time to open the door.
That's an order.
Shit shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
Come on, shit, shit no, no, no, fuck!
Hey, Jordan, what do you
think stars are made of?
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
[SNIFFS]
- Pearl.
- Mm-hmm?
- Did you just smell me?
- No what?
KEVIN: So stupid!
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- Shit.
- Lionel!
- Oh
- I'm coming in.
Hey, watch your step.
- Watch your step.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
God damn it. Boy, I am
inspecting this place
to see if there was any type of
strange forensic activity in here.
So you didn't use the restroom?
I did. I bagged that.
Cause I'm not picking up
on any fecal scent at all.
Well, maybe that's because I'm healthy.
I eat right.
Now, let me tell you what I've gathered.
First of all, we
dealing with a white man.
A big white man.
Mm-hmm, 6'4", 6'5",
300, 350. Red curly hair.
I know that because of what
I've been able to gather.
Now, our killer came in
here with a disguise on.
Had a beard, big beard.
Took that beard off,
threw it in the commode,
obviously took it off,
tried to flush it there.
- You understand? You follow?
- That doesn't really match
- the suspect
- Hey, hey, hey!
I got a job to do, I
don't come here to debate!
- Okay.
- Now, I gotta finish my job.
I gotta get down there,
take those video tapes,
compile all that
evidence I got into one.
That's my job.
Now, I don't appreciate
you talking to me like
I don't know how to do my job.
And I don't appreciate
you staring at me.
Okay? God damn it.
And you're contaminating everything.
Aah!
I'mma step on out of here.
Bag and tag it, boys. Bag and tag.
Bag and tag.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Oh, fuck! Kevin, what the fuck?
- Jesus!
- A simple "thank you" would suffice.
- Oh, God.
- Holy shit, you did it, Kevin.
It wasn't me.
It was Lionel Pendergrass.
Yeah, I went deep on some
method-acting-type shit.
- Y'all wouldn't know nothing about that.
- Why are you so wet?
It's toilet water.
- Come on, let's get out of here.
- Guys.
Who the fuck is that?
Guess you're a shitty actor after all.
Pearl, that is not helpful.
["RUN, RUN, RUN" BY
MCKINLEY DIXON PLAYING]
Running from the
guns, point and shoot ♪
We used to play up
on the playground ♪