Dog with a Blog (2012) s03e05 Episode Script

I love making clothes, but I thought a class called Life Skills would be about recycling, voting and how to DVR three shows at once.
You know, stuff you can use.
It's not at all what I expected, either.
I thought it was Knife Skills.
Now I'm gonna have to pick up whittling on the street.
I'm taking this class pass-fail.
I'm doing the least amount of work possible.
It will be my greatest apathetic achievement since Eh, who cares.
Well, I am pretty excited about my homework assignment.
Avery, that looks like a real skirt.
Thanks.
That's almost like a real compliment.
Hey, that's not Ms.
Hennessey.
Must be a sub today.
Namaste, students.
I am your new teacher, Ms.
Dupont, but please call me Lavanya, the name given to me by a Sherpa.
It's Sanskrit for "grace and beauty.
" Or possibly Tibetan for "slow hiker.
" Or English for Eh, who cares.
Ms.
Hennessey quit to follow her dream of nailing her tongue to a coffee table.
Or maybe that was her sarcastic way of telling me it's none of my business.
Hmm.
Class, I want you all to take out your syllabuses and rip them in half.
But, Ms.
Dupont, the syllabus represents order.
I can't.
Please call me Lavanya.
I can't do that either.
Avery, calm down.
I can't do that either! You just imagined yourself exploding, didn't you? I followed the pattern, just like you followed yours.
So why does mine look like this? Did you do yours in a car? On a curvy road? With someone trying to wrestle you? Guess I better get my project ready.
What is it? It's a poncho.
See? You forgot to cut the hole.
Pass-fail, yo.
Avery.
I worked very hard on this, Ms.
Dupont.
Ooh! The grading bell gives it a "C".
A "C"? That's right, a "C".
Oops, I just rang a "B".
Sorry, I didn't mean to tease you with that.
Why am I getting a "C"? I followed the pattern exactly.
But I grade on self-expression.
This shows nothing of who you are.
It shows exactly who I am.
I'm the type of person who follows patterns exactly.
You need to expand.
Think of it as a "C" for "expand your horizons.
" There's no "C" in any of those words.
Lindsay, I've never gotten a "C" before in my entire life.
What is going on here? It's like I've entered some bizarre alternate universe.
Am I gonna open that door and see monkeys in business suits? Gosh, I hope so.
Calm down, Avery.
Everything is perfectly normal.
Lindsay, this is true creative expression.
"A.
" I love this alternate universe.
Max.
Very unconventional.
Pass.
I'm so lucky I passed.
I put it on backward.
Avery is having a rough time with her new teacher, but I'm about to have the greatest day ever.
Tyler is taking me on a toe tasting trip.
Aw, yeah, dawg.
The vet? Aw, nah, dawg.
This isn't toe tasting.
Why do you always trick me? Why do you always fall for it? You really thought that toe tasting exists? Deep down, I knew it probably didn't.
But I wanted it, Tyler.
I wanted it so bad.
All right.
It's okay, Stan.
It's just a check-up.
And if you're a good boy, we'll stop for some toe tasting on the way home.
Toe tasting? There's a place on the way home? How convenient.
Mommy's taking a long time to park the car.
She's probably scared to come in.
She hasn't been back since she worked here and was attacked by all those animals.
That must be why they made that poster, "Be nice to animals or this will happen.
" Oh, I just put that up.
I was going to hang it at the toe tasting, but it works better here.
I just think it's brave of Mom to come back.
I mean, she's going to be freaking out when she gets in here.
Ah, what a lovely day at the vet's office.
I can't think of any place I'd rather be.
What did you do with my mommy, you calm, ordinary woman? I just had your father teach me some relaxation techniques.
I'm floating in the ocean as the waves gently massage my shoulders.
Plash-plash.
A breeze caresses my cheeks.
Oh, a passing ocean liner.
This is why I'm not a people doctor.
Hello, Dr.
Young.
I'm relaxed.
Oh, oh, but the sun is burning my skin.
Better put on some sunscreen.
Again, not a people doctor.
Sorry to keep you waiting.
I was dealing with a dog who may have an abdominal blockage.
If poor little Buster doesn't start eating in a few days, we're going to have to do exploratory surgery.
What I like to call "peeking in the Pekingese.
" I'm kidding, he's not a Pekingese, but you can't peek in a terrier, unless you have an "ulterrier" motive.
Oh, it's the whimsical chatter of the dolphins.
You raise a good point, Mom.
There are lots of other animals in the ocean.
There's sharks and jellyfish that sting and giant squid that can crush a boat.
And who knows what else is down there? Cameras can only go so far.
Okay, why don't I put your mom in the car? I'll be right back to finish Stan's check-up.
I wonder if seeing Mommy like that is going to have an effect on how I handle stress when I grow up.
Eh, I'm eight.
Can't worry about it now.
This isn't good.
Don't worry, Stan.
The prince I marry will make everything okay, or they wouldn't put it in movies.
No, it's not that And good plan, by the way.
I'm worried about that dog Buster.
Why? He doesn't have an abdominal blockage.
I noticed on the way in, his butt smells like rancid garbage, so the butt's doing its job.
But his mouth smelled rotten, which means he has a rotten tooth.
That's why he's not eating.
Why doesn't Dr.
Young know that? Buster probably has plaque that's hiding the rotten tooth.
That happened to me, which is why I now brush twice daily with Tyler's toothbrush.
Stan, that's gross.
Hey, it was your idea to get a dog.
Dr.
Young, what happened? Let's just say the story has three participants: your mother, a squirrel, and a traffic cone.
One of the first two is hiding under the traffic cone.
You don't want to know which.
Let's see what's going on with Stan.
First, shouldn't you check on Buster again? Maybe he has a rotten tooth.
Well, you would know better than me.
I've only been a vet for 20 years.
That's nothing compared to the hours you spent gluing a toy horse's head onto your doll's body.
Hey, this is good work.
All right, class, let's see your projects.
Knock my socks off.
Metaphorically.
I don't wear socks to better experience the world through my feet.
Ooh, Lindsay.
Your work makes quite a statement.
We must learn to hug ourselves before we can expect others to hug us.
Right, because I sure didn't accidentally sew myself into this while watching TV.
Oh, and what statement does your project make, Avery? It says, "Hi, I'm Avery's jacket.
I hope you like things that are awesome.
" I selected an advanced pattern and followed it perfectly.
Then I'm giving you a "C".
Ding-a-ling.
I can't find my bell anywhere.
A "C"? I stayed up all night feeding fabric through my sewing machine.
My hands are frozen like this.
Well, actually, they were frozen like this.
But they've gotten this much better.
Please, Mrs.
Dupont.
I have asked you repeatedly to call me Lavanya, Avery.
Two things I learned from my Sherpa are "Be open with your thinking," and "Walk faster, it's getting dark.
Do you want to die up here?" Take a look at what the students around you are doing.
They are expressing themselves with open hearts, like Lindsay.
And Max.
It's a scarf.
It's a belt.
It's a ninja headband.
Hi-ya! Brilliant.
I'm so sorry, I keep making you look bad.
Dad, how do you think this looks on me? I've played this game with your mother and I believe my next move is, "How do you think it looks on you?" I think it looks amazing.
Then so do I.
Exactly.
But my horrible teacher, Ms.
Dupont, gave me a "C" on both this skirt and this jacket.
A "C"? But you've never gotten a "C" before.
That's what I said.
But Ms.
Dupont has it in for me.
She is an evil woman.
And evil doesn't always arrive in a cloud of fire.
Sometimes it drives a '71 V.
W.
Bug with 27 bumper stickers.
Dukakis lost.
Get over it already.
Well, I only have one bumper sticker and it says "My daughter gets all 'A's".
Am I gonna have to change it? Those do not scrape off.
What are colleges going to say when they notice I got a "C" in Life Skills? It literally means I'm mediocre at life.
Do not worry, Avery.
I will go down to the school and I'll talk to her for you.
Great.
I would really appreciate that, Dad.
And when do you think you might go? Tomorrow.
It's been a pretty tiring day and I've got a lot of paperwork to get caught up on.
Yeah, me too.
I've to write an essay on my hero for English.
I have it narrowed down to you and Mom.
I'll go now.
Guys, I just can't stop thinking about Buster.
That dog at the vet? Yeah.
In a few days, he's going to have unnecessary surgery when all he needs is a rotten tooth pulled.
It's like how Tyler cleaned out the whole garage looking for his bike and then remembered he left it at school.
It worked out okay.
The pogo stick I found in the garage was a pretty sweet ride.
And I met a really cute girl who was stuck in a tree.
Guys, what are we gonna do about Buster? If only we could get into the vet's office, we could clean Buster's tooth and Dr.
Young would be able to see what's wrong.
Well, you could pretend you're sick so Mom will take us back there.
"Pretend" is for amateurs.
I inhabit a character.
What's my backstory? You're a dog and you're sick.
Excellent.
Give me 7 weeks to shadow a sick dog and I got this.
Stan, we don't have that kind of time.
Okay, then just an intensive session with my acting coach.
Robert, clear your schedule.
I don't care if you have a lunch appointment.
Mila Kunis is not doing your movie.
Mom, Stan's really sick.
He needs to go back to the vet.
The vet? No, I don't think so.
He looks fine to me.
This is serious, Mom.
He has a sore throat, a fever.
He can't go to school today.
What? Sorry, force of habit.
Come on, Stan.
Eat your soup.
Eat your soup.
Eat your soup! Okay, dial it down there, Chloe.
You're spitting all over me.
Aren't you kids overreacting? He doesn't seem that sick.
He sounds fine to me.
Mom.
All right, I will schedule a vet appointment for tomorrow.
I can see how worried you are, that you care more about Stan's well-being than mine.
"No, Mom.
We love you.
" Too late! You did it, Stan.
You should win an award for that performance.
I expected to win this award.
Oh, this is so unexpected.
I'd like to thank my entire cast.
I'm gonna learn your names, I promise.
The producers for taking a chance on me.
Oh, I'm being told to wrap it up.
And thanks, of course, to Robert.
We did it, buddy! Are you texting? I'm winning an award up here.
Oh.
Hey, Dad.
How did things go with Ms.
Dupont? Lavanya? Oh, she is such a sweet and enlightened woman.
After talking to her for just an hour, I'm thinking about giving up meat.
But she gave me "C" s on both of my perfect homework assignments.
I can't believe you're taking her side.
Look, Avery, why don't you just take a deep breath, shake it out and find your inner animal? Mine is a red-tailed hawk.
Ca-caw.
That was so much less embarrassing when I did it with Lavanya.
She's a panda.
Well, even though I'm gonna get another "C", I stayed true to my principles and made another flawless project.
Don't do that to yourself, Avery.
Here, you could use these pants I made.
She'll love them.
I sewed the legs together.
Ooh! Ooh! You're a good friend, Lindsay.
It was tough to get to class wearing these.
Luckily, someone left a pogo stick in the commons.
And I met a really cute guy who was stuck in a tree.
Lavanya gave me a passing grade for my "Emperor's New Clothes" project.
I also got extra credit for the matching vest.
Well done, Theo.
What does the gong mean? It means I still can't find my bell.
And what do you have for me today, Avery? Another perfect project.
Go ahead and give me a "C".
No, Avery, because I'm disappointed you've learned nothing from the first two assignments, I'm giving you a "D".
A "D"? You're giving me a "D"? I'll show you a "D".
There, now it looks like a "D".
No, now it looks like an "F".
What just happened? Avery, you have got to thank Lavanya for me.
I love this new veggie lifestyle.
I just made a smoothie out of Mom's avocado face cream.
I'm pretty sure that's not edible.
I'm pretty sure you're right.
Oh.
Um, are you giving yourself an "F"? Just thinking about what Ms.
Dupont would give me if she were grading my painting.
So it didn't go well in class today? My top was perfect and she gave me an "F".
She doesn't appreciate perfection and now I'm stress-eating cashews.
Your inner animal is very chipmunk-y today, Avery.
You should trust the panda.
Quoth the red-tailed hawk.
Ca-caw.
How long have you been off meat? For a whole day and I'm a little lightheaded.
But I actually think if Lavanya saw your painting, she'd give you an "A".
I think it is exactly the kind of free and creative expression she's pushing for in your classwork.
But painting is what I do for myself.
It's not for school.
And maybe that's Lavanya's whole point.
She wants you to break down the wall between schoolwork and creativity.
Whoa.
Gong.
That was me hitting a gong because veggie Dad is profound.
So when are you gonna start eating meat again? Yeah, I'm still a little weak from yesterday's dandelion cleanse.
It was very difficult to hold up an invisible gong.
These guns need ammo, Avery.
Don't do the ca-caw.
Ca-caw! So what's the problem with Stan? Well, he's been whimpering, lethargic and making this noise Oh, even Robert couldn't fix that performance.
Wow, Ellen, I'm impressed that you're so calm this time around.
It's because of this calming juice I got at the health food store.
It's made from herbs and vitamins which create an all-natural relaxing state.
It's really working wonders.
Th-This is carrot juice.
What? There's no such thing as calming juice.
What? Now all I can think of is animals attacking me, probably because I'm staring at a poster of animals attacking me.
Who would make that? I don't know.
It just appeared one day.
But it seems to calm the animals.
Yeah, look how calm these guys are.
Looks like it's car time for Mom.
Now's our chance.
There's Buster.
We better clean his tooth fast.
We don't have much time.
I'm going in.
Floss.
Toothpaste.
Toothbrush.
Hey, that looks just like my new toothbrush.
Coincidence, huh? All right, there's the rotten tooth.
I've cleared away the plaque and exposed it.
Pretty much done everything except put a sign on him that says "rotten tooth".
Tyler, if you would.
Hey, what are you kids doing? And why is your dog wearing a surgical mask? And why is that dog wearing a sign that says "rotten tooth"? All good questions.
But we really think you should take a look at Buster's tooth, as per the sign.
You kids just won't give up on this, will you? Please, Dr.
Young.
For me? Don't make me blink and make a pouty face.
I will melt your heart.
Okay, I'll check it out.
Huh.
You kids were right.
Buster does have a rotten tooth.
And I was about to operate on him and charge thousands of dollars only to find nothing there and buy a new watch to replace the one I lost in the last dog.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I operated again to retrieve it.
I'd never leave anything that expensive in a dog.
Ms.
Dupont, I'm really sorry about how I behaved in class yesterday.
I shouldn't have reacted so immaturely over getting a bad grade.
I also shouldn't have taken your bell.
And I re-did my homework.
I made this dress and painted this on it because my painting is an expression of who I am.
And I don't even care what grade I get.
Oh, Avery, I love your dress.
But I'm still not giving you an "A" for it.
What? Your incredible project has inspired me to create a whole new grading system.
I'm giving you a Cloud.
Is a Cloud the highest? Yes.
Sorry, sorry.
Yours.
Thank you so much, Ms.
Dupont.
Lavanya.
Let's not go crazy here.
Okay.
Well, wow, Avery.
A Cloud.
That's gonna look pretty sweet to Harvard.
You know, when they shorten it on your report card, it's just gonna be a "C".
This week I really went outside my comfort zone.
And I proved I'm a qualified veterinarian and a talented actor.
In fact, Robert and I decided to keep our collaboration going and he's now directing me in a one-man show.
My name is Benjamin Franklin.
Get ready to go on a 5-hour journey through my entire life.
Five hours? Don't worry, dogs have no concept of time.
The end.
See.