Doug (1991) s03e05 Episode Script
Doug's Huge Zit/Doug Flies a Kite
( yelps )
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
Doug:
IT WAS THE STAR
OF A PERFECT DAY.
AND TONIGHT I WAS GOING TO BEEBE
BLUFF'S "INCOG-NEAT-O" BALL.
I DON'T NORMALLY GE
SO EXCITED ABOUT A DANCE
BUT FOR SOME REASON, I JUST WAS.
MORNING, PORKCHOP.
BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW WHA
HAD HAPPENED DURING THE NIGHT.
( gasps )
OH, NO, A PIMPLE!
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
( barks )
A HUMONGOUS PIMPLE
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FACE!
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
AND TODAY OF ALL DAYS!
( groaning )
SURPRISE! IT'S PIMPLE TIME NOW!
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE
FOR THE DANCE!
I COULDN'T LET PATTI
SEE ME LIKE THIS.
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING QUICK.
"IN YOUR FACE CLEANSER
GIVES YOUR FACE
BABY-BOTTOM BEAUTY."
YUCK.
VITAMIN W?
ARMADILLO SOAP? ZIT ZAP?
WHAT DOES JUDY DO
WITH ALL THIS STUFF?
OH, HEY, JUDY.
JUST ONE QUESTION:
ANY LAST WORDS?
I WAS JUST, UH
GOING THROUGH MY STUFF
FOR TOOTHPASTE?
NOT EXACTLY.
THAT'S MY
PIMPLE CREAM
( gasps )
DOUG, DID YOU GET A PIMPLE?
LET ME SEE.
CUT THAT OUT!
YOUR FIRST PIMPLE.
OUR LITTLE DOUGIE'S GROWING UP.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
COME
A PIMPLE IS LIKE A
PRESSURE-RELEASE VALVE.
YOUR INNER TENSION
IS SEARCHING FOR
SOMEPLACE TO ESCAPE
AND IT CAME OU
ON YOUR NOSE.
NOW, BREATHE DEEP.
FREE YOUR BRAIN.
( inhales deeply )
( coughing )
MM, SMELLS LIKE BLUEBERRIES.
JUDY, ARE SURE
THIS WILL CURE MY?
SHH.
BREATHE IN THE PEACE,
BREATHE OUT THE PIMPLE.
( coughing )
I THINK THIS IS
JUST MAKING IT WORSE.
WELL, YOU COULD ALWAYS
WEAR A BAG
OVER YOUR HEAD.
( somber organ music playing )
( gasps )
ANY REQUESTS,
GORGEOUS?
( screams )
SKEETER, I CAN'T GO
TO THE DANCE TONIGH
NOT WITH THIS HUGE
BEACON ON MY NOSE.
BUT IT WILL BE
EVERYONE WILL CALL ME
PIZZA FACE.
DOUG, YOU CAN JUST
WHAT IF PATTI SEES ME?
HUH?
Mr. Dink:
Catch you at a bad time?
UH, SORRY, SKEETER, I GOT TO GO.
Skeeter:
But Doug
MR. DINK, IS THAT YOU?
Correct, Douglas, my boy.
Thought you might be interested
in seeing my latest acquisition:
the remote-control hover phone.
Morning, Porkchop.
SAY, MR. DINK
Say, quite a nice setup
you got here, Douglas.
Ooh, ooh, whoa!
UH, MR. DINK?
Man O' Steel Man?
He's my hero.
Hey, what's that on
your nose, a doorknob?
Get it?
IT'S A PIMPLE, MR. DINK.
MY FIRST ONE EVER.
Why, congratulations, Douglas.
Have no fear.
Come to the house.
I've got just the thing.
LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE ACNETRON FOUR
THE LATEST IN
DERMONUCLEIC EXFOLIATORS.
IN OTHER WORDS, A VERY
EXPENSIVE ZIT REMOVER.
WHY DO YOU HAVE
A PIMPLE-REMOVING MACHINE?
IT WAS AN IMPULSE.
I'LL SAY--
IT WAS ON SALE AND YOU PANICKED.
WILL THIS HURT?
WHO KNOWS?
NEVER USED IT.
GIVES ME THE WILLIES
JUST LOOKING AT IT.
THIS FUNCTION UNLOCKS
YOUR BODY'S NATURAL HEALING
BY LOOSENING
THE EPIDERMAL LAYER.
I THINK IT'S LOOSENING MY BRAIN.
LEAVE THIS BABY ON
FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS
AND YOU'LL BE PIMPLE-FREE.
72 HOURS?
IT'LL BE TUESDAY BY THEN.
PATIENCE, MY BOY--
BLUFFINGTON WASN'
BUILT IN A DAY.
BUT I'VE GO
TO GET RID
OF THIS THING
BY TONIGHT.
OH, OKAY.
( voice vibrating: )
WHOA-A-A.
( voice vibrating: )
OH, TIPPY,
I NEED HELP.
I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THA
FOR YEARS, BUD.
TURN IT OFF!
PORKCHOP, I GUESS WE'LL
HAVE TO SKIP THE PARTY.
IT'LL BE YOU, ME AND
MR. PIMPLE AT HOME TONIGHT.
THERE YOU ARE.
OH, HI, MOM.
WE'D BETTER
GO BUY A SUI
FOR BEEBE'S PARTY.
I DON'T WAN
TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE.
NOT BECAUSE
OF ONE LITTLE PIMPLE, I HOPE.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
OH, JUST A GUESS.
DON'T BE NERVOUS, DOUGLAS.
YOU'LL LOOK SO HANDSOME
IN YOUR NEW SUI
NOBODY WILL
NOTICE IT.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
OH, DOUG--
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME
IN YOUR NEW SUIT.
THANKS, PATTI.
Roger:
HEY, FUNNIE--
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR
NOSE, A HEADLIGHT?
( spiteful
laughter )
I'M BACK!
( evil laughing )
( all laughing )
Roger:
NICE ZIT, FUNNIE!
COME ON OUT, BOYS, IT'S A PARTY!
HEY, HEY, HEY,
GREAT SPREAD!
DOUG FUNNIE, I WILL
NEVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR RUINING MY DANCE!
OKAY, WHO WANTS IN?
FIVE-CARD DRAW,
JOKER'S WILD.
HEY, BUDDY--
HOW ABOUT SOME
CHIPS OVER HERE?
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK
DOUG IN THE FACE AGAIN.
DID SOMEBODY
ORDER A PIZZA?
OVER HERE!
WE'RE HUNGRY,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
HOW ABOUT DEALING
ME IN, BOYS?
WHY DIDN'T I JUST STAY HOME?
ARE YOU SURE THE MALL
IS REALLY A GOOD PLACE
TO BUY CLOTHES?
OF COURSE-- WHERE DID
YOU THINK WE WOULD GO?
IT'S JUST THA
EVERYBODY COMES HERE.
( Porkchop whining )
WHAT IS IT, BOY?
( barks )
OH, NO!
Mrs. Funnie:
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
DOUGLAS?
WHY DON'T YOU CHECK
IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
MM-HMM.
Mrs. Funnie:
OH, THERE HE IS.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
OH, HEY, PATTI.
HEY, DOUG.
OH, LOOK
AT THE TIME.
SEE YA.
I WONDER WHAT COULD BE
THE MATTER WITH HER.
I KNEW-- SHE COULDN'T EVEN BEAR
TO LOOK AT ME.
I WONDER IF SHE'LL EVER WAN
TO LOOK AT ME AGAIN.
( ticking )
OH, DOUGLAS--
YOU LOOK SO GOOD
IN YOUR NEW SUIT.
OH!
OH, YES, YOU
REALLY DO, SON.
YOU LOOK LIKE
A MILLION BUCKS.
NO, TWO
MILLION.
Patti:
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
WE'RE GOING
TO KNOCK 'EM DEAD!
( gasping )
MOTHER--
HE'S GOING
TO POP IT.
DOUGLAS, LEAVE
IT ALONE
AND GO TO
YOUR PARTY.
( horn honking )
Skeeter:
HURRY UP, DOUG.
ARE YOU GOING TO THE
PARTY LOOKING LIKE THAT?
DON'T RUB IT IN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?
I KEPT TRYING TO TELL YOU.
BEEBE'S PARTY
IS A COSTUME PARTY.
A COSTUME PARTY?
Skeeter:
SEE, DOUG,
EVERYTHING'S COOL.
NO ONE
WILL SEE IT.
HEY, SKEETER--
PATTI'S REALLY
STRESSED OUT TONIGHT.
I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE
EXTRA NICE TO HER.
SURE,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I'D RATHER NOT SAY.
IF YOU SEE DOUG, TELL HIM.
( giggling )
GOOD GOING, DOUG.
SHE DIDN'
EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU.
( funky dance music playing )
( general conversation )
UM, EXCUSE ME
A SECOND, SKEET.
( gasps )
PATTI,
IT'S JUST ME.
HEY, DOUG.
YOU, UM, LOOK GREAT.
NO I DON'T.
REALLY-- DO
YOU MEAN IT?
YEAH.
YOU'RE WHAT?
THE BASEBALL
FAIRY, RIGHT?
NO, I
NOW, DON'T LAUGH.
THERE WAS A NEW GIRL
AT KWICKY KUTS TODAY
AND SHE CUT MY HAIR SO SHORT.
THAT'S WHY I RAN AWAY
FROM YOU TODAY.
I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T TELL?
NOT AT ALL.
SAY, DOUG,
WHAT IS THAT?
OH, IT'S A
I
THE SONG,
IS IT THE BEETS?
OH, YEAH, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DANCE, PATTI?
SURE, DOUG.
SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT THE PIMPLE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, NO ONE DID.
SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T TURN OU
AS BAD AS YOU EXPECT.
SOMETIMES THEY TURN OU
A LOT WORSE
BUT SOMETIMES THEY TURN OU
SORT OF OKAY, BUT KIND OF BAD.
THE POINT IS, IT'S NO
WHAT'S ON YOUR NOSE THAT COUNTS.
IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE.
NO, WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
Why fight it?
It's bigger
than both of us.
Oh, my darling,
Erica.
( cooing )
Oh, mi amor, Erica.
( cooing )
Sukidayo,
Erica.
( cooing )
Ach, me bonnie
lassie, Erica.
( cooing )
YUCK.
IT WAS THE BORINGEST DAY EVER.
NOTHING WAS ON TV.
AND SKEETER WAS BUSY
DOING CHORES ALL DAY.
( yawns )
OOH.
( chuckles )
THERE'S NOTHING
TO DO.
WHAT YOU DOING, DAD?
FILING SLIDES FROM
THE LAST TEN YEARS
OF FAMILY REUNIONS.
WANT TO SHOOT SOME HOOPS?
UH-UH, SON, HAVE FUN.
( groans )
I COULD STAR
ON MY BORING KITE
FOR THE BLUFF SCOU
AIR SHOW TOMORROW.
HUH?
THE FUNNIE "5."
MAYBE I
THE FUNNIE "5," DOUG!
AT LAST, THE FUNNIE "5"!
WHOOPEE!
THIS IS THE FUNNIE "5,"
COME IN, TOWER.
HUH?
( imitating airplane engine )
INSANE-- MY DAD HAD GONE INSANE.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
DAD?
OVER HERE, SON.
WOW, I NEVER THOUGH
I'D SEE THIS AGAIN.
HERE YOU GO,
SON.
AND STICKS, AND GLUE,
AND RIBBON, AND
WHAT IS
THIS STUFF, DAD?
THE FUNNIE "5," DOUG.
THE FUNNIE "5"!
ARE YOU FEELING OKAY, DAD?
HERE SHE IS-- THE FUNNIE "4."
BEST OVERALL AT THE TRI-COUNTY
IRON KITE COMPETITION.
YOU WANT TO
BUILD A KITE?
NOT JUST ANY KITE.
I'M TALKING ABOU
THE FUNNIE "5"
THE GREATEST KITE
THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN.
WOW, COOL!
HA, HA!
HA, HA!
OKAY, SON,
LET'S GO TO IT.
OKAY, DAD.
QUICKLY, DOUGLAS, MORE GLUE!
GOOD JOB, KIDDO.
( chuckles )
YOU DID OKAY,
TOO, OLD MAN.
JUST A LITTLE MORE
GLUE ON THIS EDGE.
AND NOW WE WAI
FOR IT TO DRY.
SO IS THAT THE BOTTOM OR
JUST ONE OF THE SIDES?
THAT'S IT!
THE FUNNIE "5."
Doug:
WHAT YOU MEAN
THAT'S IT?
THAT'S THE WHOLE KITE?
LIKE MY SCIENCE TEACHER,
MRS. LUTZ, USED TO SAY
"SIMPLE DESIGN
FLIES JUST FINE."
BUT COULDN'T WE PU
SOME MORE STICKS ON IT?
UH-UH.
TOO MUCH WOOD,
FLIES NO GOOD.
BUT BUT
HOW ABOUT A REALLY BIG TAIL?
BIG TAILS FLY LIKE SNAILS.
IT WAS NO USE.
HE HAD A RHYME FOR EVERYTHING
AND IT ONLY GOT WORSE.
( Mr. Funnie imitating
airplane engine )
IT MAKES THIS
COOL SOUND
AND IT'S SHAPED LIKE
MY DAD'S OLD TUGBOAT.
MY DAD AND I ARE
MAKING A STEALTH KITE
BUT I CAN'
TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S NOTHING
COMPARED TO MINE!
IT'S A FLYING TYRANNOSAURUS REX.
IT'LL CREAM YOUR KITE
ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.
LIKE THIS
OH, YEAH?
YOU WISH.
WHY COULDN'T OUR KITE JUST BE
COOL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE'S?
( foghorn blowing )
NOW WATCH
THIS, DOUG.
( foghorn blowing )
HERE COMES THE BEST PART.
HUH?
TRIGORIN FIGHTERS APPROACHING
AT SPEED FIVE, CAPTAIN.
BATTLE STATIONS, EVERYONE.
I JUST COULDN'T CONCENTRATE
ON THE MOVIE.
OH, NO.
DON'T WORRY, SON.
BATTLE CRUISERS
ARE BIGGER LOSERS!
OH, DAD
IF YOU SAY ONE MORE
THING THAT RHYMES
GEE, SON,
YOU'RE NO FUN.
DAD!
I WAS JUS
KIDDING!
DOUG, LET ME IN!
EVERYONE WAS GOING
TO LAUGH THEIR HEADS OFF AT US.
I JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING
BEFORE THE AIR SHOW.
Doug:
PORKCHOP, WE'RE NOT JUS
DOING THIS FOR US
WE'RE DOING IT FOR DAD, TOO.
THE SCISSORS, QUICKLY.
( laughing madly )
PHEW, MORE GLUE!
( growling )
PORKCHOP, QUI
DRAGGING YOUR FEET.
WE HAVE
TO HURRY.
( chuckles insanely )
THE FUNNIE "5" LIVES!
NOW, LET'S SEE IT IN ACTION.
OKAY, PORKCHOP--
LET HER RIP!
( sighs )
I KNOW-- WE NEED
TO START HIGHER.
HUH.
WE'VE DONE IT PORKCHOP--
IT WORKS!
WHOA!
IT WAS A DISASTER.
I COVERED UP THE KITE
SO DAD DIDN'T SEE IT
BUT HOW COULD I KEEP HIM
FROM LOOKING DUMB?
GREAT DAY
FOR FLYING, EH?
WHO'S READY
TO GET CREAMED?
DAD, I HAVE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT'S UNDER
THE SHEET?
TOO SMALL
TO BE A KITE.
( chortles )
A KITE THAT'S SMALL
CANNOT FALL.
IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING.
ALL I COULD THINK
AT THAT MOMENT WAS
WHY COULDN'T I BE
MR. VALENTINE'S SON INSTEAD?
COME TAKE THIS, SON.
YO, DAD, COOL KITE.
( foghorn blows )
OR MR. STUDEBAKER'S.
( chuckling )
( guffawing )
OR EVEN MR. DINK'S.
HEY, FATHER, THANKS
FOR THE TERRIFIC KITE.
( laughing )
YOU GUYS, JUST WAIT.
TODAY'S THE DAY
YOU MEET YOUR FATE.
JUST ENOUGH WIND
TO REALLY GET HER FLYING, SON.
SUDDENLY, MY LUCK CHANGED.
SOON ALL MY PROBLEMS
WOULD BE OVER.
IS SOMETHING
THE MATTER, SON?
I JUST COULDN'T DO THAT TO DAD.
IT WASN'T HIS FAUL
THE KITE FLEW LIKE A CHAIR.
STOP, STOP!
OH, MY!
SORRY, MRS. KLOTZ-- THANKS.
SURE THING, DOUG.
PHEW, THAT WAS
A CLOSE ONE, DOUG.
WHAT'S THIS?
I WORKED ON IT--
I TRIED TO TELL YOU.
ALL THE OTHER KITES ARE, WELL
I THOUGHT THIS
WOULD MAKE IT COOLER.
OH-- WELL IT
IS MUCH COOLER.
THIS REALLY LOOKS GREAT, SON.
YEAH, I KNOW, DAD.
IT DOESN'T FLY.
I TRIED IT LAST NIGH
AND IT JUST CRASHES.
I'M SORRY.
THESE FINS
MAKE I
TOO HEAVY.
MAY I TAKE THEM OFF?
SURE.
THE SIMPLE SHAPE
LETS IT DO STUNTS.
STUNTS?
IT'S A FIGHTER KITE.
I GOT TOO EXCITED
TO MENTION THAT.
REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?
A FIGHTER KITE?
COOL.
WHAT'S A
FIGHTER KITE?
( excited talking )
DAD TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO ME
HOW A FIGHTER KITE WORKED
BUT I WASN'T COMPLETELY
SURE ABOUT IT
TILL I SAW IT IN ACTION!
Crowd:
WOW
WOW, DAD!
NICE KITE,
YOU GUYS.
OURS WON'T FLY.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO,
MR. FUNNIE?
WELL, AS I
ALWAYS SAY
A LIGHT KITE
FLIES RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU
TRY CUTTING OFF
SOME OF THOSE
TIRES ON THE SIDE?
HAVE YOU
GUYS SEEN
MY STEALTH
KITE?
WE CAN'T FIND IT.
NO, I'M SORRY, CHALKY.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD USE BRIGHTER COLORS.
REMEMBER, A BRIGHT KITE
STAYS IN SIGHT.
SO IT TURNED OUT DAD KNEW
WHAT HE WAS DOING AFTER ALL.
THE FUNNIE "5"
WAS THE SIMPLEST KITE THERE
BUT IT'S THE ONE
THAT DID BEST IN THE AIR.
AH, NOW HE'S GOT ME DOING IT.
( barks )
( electric guitar playing )
( man singing scat )
( barks )
COOL! WHOA!
( thwack )
( barks )
Doug:
IT WAS THE STAR
OF A PERFECT DAY.
AND TONIGHT I WAS GOING TO BEEBE
BLUFF'S "INCOG-NEAT-O" BALL.
I DON'T NORMALLY GE
SO EXCITED ABOUT A DANCE
BUT FOR SOME REASON, I JUST WAS.
MORNING, PORKCHOP.
BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW WHA
HAD HAPPENED DURING THE NIGHT.
( gasps )
OH, NO, A PIMPLE!
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
( barks )
A HUMONGOUS PIMPLE
RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FACE!
HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
AND TODAY OF ALL DAYS!
( groaning )
SURPRISE! IT'S PIMPLE TIME NOW!
HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE
FOR THE DANCE!
I COULDN'T LET PATTI
SEE ME LIKE THIS.
I HAD TO DO SOMETHING QUICK.
"IN YOUR FACE CLEANSER
GIVES YOUR FACE
BABY-BOTTOM BEAUTY."
YUCK.
VITAMIN W?
ARMADILLO SOAP? ZIT ZAP?
WHAT DOES JUDY DO
WITH ALL THIS STUFF?
OH, HEY, JUDY.
JUST ONE QUESTION:
ANY LAST WORDS?
I WAS JUST, UH
GOING THROUGH MY STUFF
FOR TOOTHPASTE?
NOT EXACTLY.
THAT'S MY
PIMPLE CREAM
( gasps )
DOUG, DID YOU GET A PIMPLE?
LET ME SEE.
CUT THAT OUT!
YOUR FIRST PIMPLE.
OUR LITTLE DOUGIE'S GROWING UP.
WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?
COME
A PIMPLE IS LIKE A
PRESSURE-RELEASE VALVE.
YOUR INNER TENSION
IS SEARCHING FOR
SOMEPLACE TO ESCAPE
AND IT CAME OU
ON YOUR NOSE.
NOW, BREATHE DEEP.
FREE YOUR BRAIN.
( inhales deeply )
( coughing )
MM, SMELLS LIKE BLUEBERRIES.
JUDY, ARE SURE
THIS WILL CURE MY?
SHH.
BREATHE IN THE PEACE,
BREATHE OUT THE PIMPLE.
( coughing )
I THINK THIS IS
JUST MAKING IT WORSE.
WELL, YOU COULD ALWAYS
WEAR A BAG
OVER YOUR HEAD.
( somber organ music playing )
( gasps )
ANY REQUESTS,
GORGEOUS?
( screams )
SKEETER, I CAN'T GO
TO THE DANCE TONIGH
NOT WITH THIS HUGE
BEACON ON MY NOSE.
BUT IT WILL BE
EVERYONE WILL CALL ME
PIZZA FACE.
DOUG, YOU CAN JUST
WHAT IF PATTI SEES ME?
HUH?
Mr. Dink:
Catch you at a bad time?
UH, SORRY, SKEETER, I GOT TO GO.
Skeeter:
But Doug
MR. DINK, IS THAT YOU?
Correct, Douglas, my boy.
Thought you might be interested
in seeing my latest acquisition:
the remote-control hover phone.
Morning, Porkchop.
SAY, MR. DINK
Say, quite a nice setup
you got here, Douglas.
Ooh, ooh, whoa!
UH, MR. DINK?
Man O' Steel Man?
He's my hero.
Hey, what's that on
your nose, a doorknob?
Get it?
IT'S A PIMPLE, MR. DINK.
MY FIRST ONE EVER.
Why, congratulations, Douglas.
Have no fear.
Come to the house.
I've got just the thing.
LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO THE ACNETRON FOUR
THE LATEST IN
DERMONUCLEIC EXFOLIATORS.
IN OTHER WORDS, A VERY
EXPENSIVE ZIT REMOVER.
WHY DO YOU HAVE
A PIMPLE-REMOVING MACHINE?
IT WAS AN IMPULSE.
I'LL SAY--
IT WAS ON SALE AND YOU PANICKED.
WILL THIS HURT?
WHO KNOWS?
NEVER USED IT.
GIVES ME THE WILLIES
JUST LOOKING AT IT.
THIS FUNCTION UNLOCKS
YOUR BODY'S NATURAL HEALING
BY LOOSENING
THE EPIDERMAL LAYER.
I THINK IT'S LOOSENING MY BRAIN.
LEAVE THIS BABY ON
FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS
AND YOU'LL BE PIMPLE-FREE.
72 HOURS?
IT'LL BE TUESDAY BY THEN.
PATIENCE, MY BOY--
BLUFFINGTON WASN'
BUILT IN A DAY.
BUT I'VE GO
TO GET RID
OF THIS THING
BY TONIGHT.
OH, OKAY.
( voice vibrating: )
WHOA-A-A.
( voice vibrating: )
OH, TIPPY,
I NEED HELP.
I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THA
FOR YEARS, BUD.
TURN IT OFF!
PORKCHOP, I GUESS WE'LL
HAVE TO SKIP THE PARTY.
IT'LL BE YOU, ME AND
MR. PIMPLE AT HOME TONIGHT.
THERE YOU ARE.
OH, HI, MOM.
WE'D BETTER
GO BUY A SUI
FOR BEEBE'S PARTY.
I DON'T WAN
TO GO OUT OF THE HOUSE.
NOT BECAUSE
OF ONE LITTLE PIMPLE, I HOPE.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
OH, JUST A GUESS.
DON'T BE NERVOUS, DOUGLAS.
YOU'LL LOOK SO HANDSOME
IN YOUR NEW SUI
NOBODY WILL
NOTICE IT.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
OH, DOUG--
YOU LOOK SO HANDSOME
IN YOUR NEW SUIT.
THANKS, PATTI.
Roger:
HEY, FUNNIE--
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR
NOSE, A HEADLIGHT?
( spiteful
laughter )
I'M BACK!
( evil laughing )
( all laughing )
Roger:
NICE ZIT, FUNNIE!
COME ON OUT, BOYS, IT'S A PARTY!
HEY, HEY, HEY,
GREAT SPREAD!
DOUG FUNNIE, I WILL
NEVER FORGIVE YOU
FOR RUINING MY DANCE!
OKAY, WHO WANTS IN?
FIVE-CARD DRAW,
JOKER'S WILD.
HEY, BUDDY--
HOW ABOUT SOME
CHIPS OVER HERE?
I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LOOK
DOUG IN THE FACE AGAIN.
DID SOMEBODY
ORDER A PIZZA?
OVER HERE!
WE'RE HUNGRY,
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
HOW ABOUT DEALING
ME IN, BOYS?
WHY DIDN'T I JUST STAY HOME?
ARE YOU SURE THE MALL
IS REALLY A GOOD PLACE
TO BUY CLOTHES?
OF COURSE-- WHERE DID
YOU THINK WE WOULD GO?
IT'S JUST THA
EVERYBODY COMES HERE.
( Porkchop whining )
WHAT IS IT, BOY?
( barks )
OH, NO!
Mrs. Funnie:
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
DOUGLAS?
WHY DON'T YOU CHECK
IF THE COAST IS CLEAR.
MM-HMM.
Mrs. Funnie:
OH, THERE HE IS.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
OH, HEY, PATTI.
HEY, DOUG.
OH, LOOK
AT THE TIME.
SEE YA.
I WONDER WHAT COULD BE
THE MATTER WITH HER.
I KNEW-- SHE COULDN'T EVEN BEAR
TO LOOK AT ME.
I WONDER IF SHE'LL EVER WAN
TO LOOK AT ME AGAIN.
( ticking )
OH, DOUGLAS--
YOU LOOK SO GOOD
IN YOUR NEW SUIT.
OH!
OH, YES, YOU
REALLY DO, SON.
YOU LOOK LIKE
A MILLION BUCKS.
NO, TWO
MILLION.
Patti:
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
SEE YA, DOUG!
WE'RE GOING
TO KNOCK 'EM DEAD!
( gasping )
MOTHER--
HE'S GOING
TO POP IT.
DOUGLAS, LEAVE
IT ALONE
AND GO TO
YOUR PARTY.
( horn honking )
Skeeter:
HURRY UP, DOUG.
ARE YOU GOING TO THE
PARTY LOOKING LIKE THAT?
DON'T RUB IT IN.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, MAN?
I KEPT TRYING TO TELL YOU.
BEEBE'S PARTY
IS A COSTUME PARTY.
A COSTUME PARTY?
Skeeter:
SEE, DOUG,
EVERYTHING'S COOL.
NO ONE
WILL SEE IT.
HEY, SKEETER--
PATTI'S REALLY
STRESSED OUT TONIGHT.
I WANT EVERYBODY TO BE
EXTRA NICE TO HER.
SURE,
YOUR HIGHNESS.
WHAT'S WRONG?
I'D RATHER NOT SAY.
IF YOU SEE DOUG, TELL HIM.
( giggling )
GOOD GOING, DOUG.
SHE DIDN'
EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU.
( funky dance music playing )
( general conversation )
UM, EXCUSE ME
A SECOND, SKEET.
( gasps )
PATTI,
IT'S JUST ME.
HEY, DOUG.
YOU, UM, LOOK GREAT.
NO I DON'T.
REALLY-- DO
YOU MEAN IT?
YEAH.
YOU'RE WHAT?
THE BASEBALL
FAIRY, RIGHT?
NO, I
NOW, DON'T LAUGH.
THERE WAS A NEW GIRL
AT KWICKY KUTS TODAY
AND SHE CUT MY HAIR SO SHORT.
THAT'S WHY I RAN AWAY
FROM YOU TODAY.
I THINK YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU MEAN, YOU CAN'T TELL?
NOT AT ALL.
SAY, DOUG,
WHAT IS THAT?
OH, IT'S A
I
THE SONG,
IS IT THE BEETS?
OH, YEAH, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO DANCE, PATTI?
SURE, DOUG.
SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT THE PIMPLE.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, NO ONE DID.
SOMETIMES THINGS DON'T TURN OU
AS BAD AS YOU EXPECT.
SOMETIMES THEY TURN OU
A LOT WORSE
BUT SOMETIMES THEY TURN OU
SORT OF OKAY, BUT KIND OF BAD.
THE POINT IS, IT'S NO
WHAT'S ON YOUR NOSE THAT COUNTS.
IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE.
NO, WAIT I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
Why fight it?
It's bigger
than both of us.
Oh, my darling,
Erica.
( cooing )
Oh, mi amor, Erica.
( cooing )
Sukidayo,
Erica.
( cooing )
Ach, me bonnie
lassie, Erica.
( cooing )
YUCK.
IT WAS THE BORINGEST DAY EVER.
NOTHING WAS ON TV.
AND SKEETER WAS BUSY
DOING CHORES ALL DAY.
( yawns )
OOH.
( chuckles )
THERE'S NOTHING
TO DO.
WHAT YOU DOING, DAD?
FILING SLIDES FROM
THE LAST TEN YEARS
OF FAMILY REUNIONS.
WANT TO SHOOT SOME HOOPS?
UH-UH, SON, HAVE FUN.
( groans )
I COULD STAR
ON MY BORING KITE
FOR THE BLUFF SCOU
AIR SHOW TOMORROW.
HUH?
THE FUNNIE "5."
MAYBE I
THE FUNNIE "5," DOUG!
AT LAST, THE FUNNIE "5"!
WHOOPEE!
THIS IS THE FUNNIE "5,"
COME IN, TOWER.
HUH?
( imitating airplane engine )
INSANE-- MY DAD HAD GONE INSANE.
( footsteps )
( hinge creaks )
( barks )
THAT'S ME.
HEY!
( barks )
( yelps )
DAD?
OVER HERE, SON.
WOW, I NEVER THOUGH
I'D SEE THIS AGAIN.
HERE YOU GO,
SON.
AND STICKS, AND GLUE,
AND RIBBON, AND
WHAT IS
THIS STUFF, DAD?
THE FUNNIE "5," DOUG.
THE FUNNIE "5"!
ARE YOU FEELING OKAY, DAD?
HERE SHE IS-- THE FUNNIE "4."
BEST OVERALL AT THE TRI-COUNTY
IRON KITE COMPETITION.
YOU WANT TO
BUILD A KITE?
NOT JUST ANY KITE.
I'M TALKING ABOU
THE FUNNIE "5"
THE GREATEST KITE
THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN.
WOW, COOL!
HA, HA!
HA, HA!
OKAY, SON,
LET'S GO TO IT.
OKAY, DAD.
QUICKLY, DOUGLAS, MORE GLUE!
GOOD JOB, KIDDO.
( chuckles )
YOU DID OKAY,
TOO, OLD MAN.
JUST A LITTLE MORE
GLUE ON THIS EDGE.
AND NOW WE WAI
FOR IT TO DRY.
SO IS THAT THE BOTTOM OR
JUST ONE OF THE SIDES?
THAT'S IT!
THE FUNNIE "5."
Doug:
WHAT YOU MEAN
THAT'S IT?
THAT'S THE WHOLE KITE?
LIKE MY SCIENCE TEACHER,
MRS. LUTZ, USED TO SAY
"SIMPLE DESIGN
FLIES JUST FINE."
BUT COULDN'T WE PU
SOME MORE STICKS ON IT?
UH-UH.
TOO MUCH WOOD,
FLIES NO GOOD.
BUT BUT
HOW ABOUT A REALLY BIG TAIL?
BIG TAILS FLY LIKE SNAILS.
IT WAS NO USE.
HE HAD A RHYME FOR EVERYTHING
AND IT ONLY GOT WORSE.
( Mr. Funnie imitating
airplane engine )
IT MAKES THIS
COOL SOUND
AND IT'S SHAPED LIKE
MY DAD'S OLD TUGBOAT.
MY DAD AND I ARE
MAKING A STEALTH KITE
BUT I CAN'
TALK ABOUT IT.
THAT'S NOTHING
COMPARED TO MINE!
IT'S A FLYING TYRANNOSAURUS REX.
IT'LL CREAM YOUR KITE
ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.
LIKE THIS
OH, YEAH?
YOU WISH.
WHY COULDN'T OUR KITE JUST BE
COOL LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE'S?
( foghorn blowing )
NOW WATCH
THIS, DOUG.
( foghorn blowing )
HERE COMES THE BEST PART.
HUH?
TRIGORIN FIGHTERS APPROACHING
AT SPEED FIVE, CAPTAIN.
BATTLE STATIONS, EVERYONE.
I JUST COULDN'T CONCENTRATE
ON THE MOVIE.
OH, NO.
DON'T WORRY, SON.
BATTLE CRUISERS
ARE BIGGER LOSERS!
OH, DAD
IF YOU SAY ONE MORE
THING THAT RHYMES
GEE, SON,
YOU'RE NO FUN.
DAD!
I WAS JUS
KIDDING!
DOUG, LET ME IN!
EVERYONE WAS GOING
TO LAUGH THEIR HEADS OFF AT US.
I JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING
BEFORE THE AIR SHOW.
Doug:
PORKCHOP, WE'RE NOT JUS
DOING THIS FOR US
WE'RE DOING IT FOR DAD, TOO.
THE SCISSORS, QUICKLY.
( laughing madly )
PHEW, MORE GLUE!
( growling )
PORKCHOP, QUI
DRAGGING YOUR FEET.
WE HAVE
TO HURRY.
( chuckles insanely )
THE FUNNIE "5" LIVES!
NOW, LET'S SEE IT IN ACTION.
OKAY, PORKCHOP--
LET HER RIP!
( sighs )
I KNOW-- WE NEED
TO START HIGHER.
HUH.
WE'VE DONE IT PORKCHOP--
IT WORKS!
WHOA!
IT WAS A DISASTER.
I COVERED UP THE KITE
SO DAD DIDN'T SEE IT
BUT HOW COULD I KEEP HIM
FROM LOOKING DUMB?
GREAT DAY
FOR FLYING, EH?
WHO'S READY
TO GET CREAMED?
DAD, I HAVE TO TELL
YOU SOMETHING.
WHAT'S UNDER
THE SHEET?
TOO SMALL
TO BE A KITE.
( chortles )
A KITE THAT'S SMALL
CANNOT FALL.
IT WAS SO EMBARRASSING.
ALL I COULD THINK
AT THAT MOMENT WAS
WHY COULDN'T I BE
MR. VALENTINE'S SON INSTEAD?
COME TAKE THIS, SON.
YO, DAD, COOL KITE.
( foghorn blows )
OR MR. STUDEBAKER'S.
( chuckling )
( guffawing )
OR EVEN MR. DINK'S.
HEY, FATHER, THANKS
FOR THE TERRIFIC KITE.
( laughing )
YOU GUYS, JUST WAIT.
TODAY'S THE DAY
YOU MEET YOUR FATE.
JUST ENOUGH WIND
TO REALLY GET HER FLYING, SON.
SUDDENLY, MY LUCK CHANGED.
SOON ALL MY PROBLEMS
WOULD BE OVER.
IS SOMETHING
THE MATTER, SON?
I JUST COULDN'T DO THAT TO DAD.
IT WASN'T HIS FAUL
THE KITE FLEW LIKE A CHAIR.
STOP, STOP!
OH, MY!
SORRY, MRS. KLOTZ-- THANKS.
SURE THING, DOUG.
PHEW, THAT WAS
A CLOSE ONE, DOUG.
WHAT'S THIS?
I WORKED ON IT--
I TRIED TO TELL YOU.
ALL THE OTHER KITES ARE, WELL
I THOUGHT THIS
WOULD MAKE IT COOLER.
OH-- WELL IT
IS MUCH COOLER.
THIS REALLY LOOKS GREAT, SON.
YEAH, I KNOW, DAD.
IT DOESN'T FLY.
I TRIED IT LAST NIGH
AND IT JUST CRASHES.
I'M SORRY.
THESE FINS
MAKE I
TOO HEAVY.
MAY I TAKE THEM OFF?
SURE.
THE SIMPLE SHAPE
LETS IT DO STUNTS.
STUNTS?
IT'S A FIGHTER KITE.
I GOT TOO EXCITED
TO MENTION THAT.
REALLY? YOU MEAN IT?
A FIGHTER KITE?
COOL.
WHAT'S A
FIGHTER KITE?
( excited talking )
DAD TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO ME
HOW A FIGHTER KITE WORKED
BUT I WASN'T COMPLETELY
SURE ABOUT IT
TILL I SAW IT IN ACTION!
Crowd:
WOW
WOW, DAD!
NICE KITE,
YOU GUYS.
OURS WON'T FLY.
WHAT SHOULD WE DO,
MR. FUNNIE?
WELL, AS I
ALWAYS SAY
A LIGHT KITE
FLIES RIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU
TRY CUTTING OFF
SOME OF THOSE
TIRES ON THE SIDE?
HAVE YOU
GUYS SEEN
MY STEALTH
KITE?
WE CAN'T FIND IT.
NO, I'M SORRY, CHALKY.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU SHOULD USE BRIGHTER COLORS.
REMEMBER, A BRIGHT KITE
STAYS IN SIGHT.
SO IT TURNED OUT DAD KNEW
WHAT HE WAS DOING AFTER ALL.
THE FUNNIE "5"
WAS THE SIMPLEST KITE THERE
BUT IT'S THE ONE
THAT DID BEST IN THE AIR.
AH, NOW HE'S GOT ME DOING IT.